Chapter Text
“I think; I don’t love Dahyun like I did before.”
“Eh? What do you mean, unnie?”
Both of them, in their room where they shared, the three of them, most of the time, cuddling. Nayeon spooning Chaeyoung, pulling her close while playing with her fingers. Chaeyoung turning around, to look at the older’s face, listening to what she’s going to say next.
“I mean, I don’t know. I don’t feel the same. It’s like, I’m slowly falling out of love with her.” The last words, she almost swallowed it, almost like didn’t want to say it at the first place, but she can’t help it. She needs help, as she didn’t want to lose Dahyun no matter how fades her feeling right now is.
Chaeyoung silent. Trying to processing the information that she just received. It’s hard, to digest. Not when she loves both Nayeon and Dahyun equally, and she knows just how much Dahyun love both of them too. So, knowing that Nayeon falling out of love, it’s shocking. She can’t judge and Nayeon’s feeling is still valid, and it’s something that she can’t control. But, she need them to work, she knows there must be another solution for this.
“Unnie, are you sure? Isn’t it because you spent more times with her than me that made you feel like that?” Chaeyoung asked, hoping that there’s at least something inside Nayeon’s heart that can make her solve this.
“I don’t know, Chaengie. It’s just, I can’t stay in a room with just her anymore. It’s getting awkward, and I feel so bad because everytime it happened, I can see that she’s hurting. I’m not a good girlfriend for her, I hurt her, but I can’t do anything to fix this,” tears start falling from Nayeon’s eyes, down to her cheek. Chaeyoung quickly wiped it with her thumb.
“Don’t cry, unnie. We’ll figure this out, together, okay? I love both of you so much, and I know you know how much Dahyun loves both of us. We can fix this.” Chaeyoung suggest, as she pulling Nayeon closer to her.
Nayeon start sobbing, because, Chaeyoung just said it, Dahyun loves both of them so much, when she herself can no longer return it, to love Dahyun just as much. And, she’s getting tired, tired with pretending that she’s okay with this. She doesn’t want to lose Dahyun, as she still cares about her. But, this feeling, the feeling that she used to had, is no longer with her.
“It’s like, I’m slowly falling out of love with her.”
The words keep repeating inside her head since that day happened. It’s been a week, and it’s not her intention to eavesdropping the conversations but how can she not when they’re obviously talking about her. If only she knew, she probably stopped herself from doing so. She’s not dumb to not noticing the changes, how the kisses no longer passionate, how the embrace no longer warm and how the conversations died after only few words. She noticed it all.
But, hearing those words by herself, she felt like her chest being ripped, her heart being crush and her soul leaving her body.
Sitting at the chair, looking out the window. This is where she’s been, for almost a week. Alone, in her tight and small used to be her room before she’s with Nayeon and Chaeyoung. Tears stain at her cheek that she didn’t bother to wipe. Hugging her knees, placing the chin on top of it. There’s a photo frame at the small table beside the chair that she’s sitting on. Photo of both Nayeon and Chaeyoung on display.
She shut her phone off, not minding to check on it, knowing that it’s probably the best. Thinking what went wrong, thinking that it’s her fault, maybe she’s too busy to care about the others two feeling. Thinking that there will always be together until the end. For her, it’s always Nayeon, Chaeyoung and Dahyun. She never thought about only Nayeon and Chaeyoung. Maybe, there’s a boundary that she crossed. She doesn’t know, this relationship is the only she’s ever been in.
She sighs, putting down her legs, and stretching as she sat for too long that her legs starting to get numb. Standing up, she decided to wash her face and take a nap, a way for her to stop thinking and caring. But, after a few steps, a few knock coming from the main door, startling her.
“Dahyun, are you in there?” she knew so well that voice, not the voice of who she expects it to be, but she drags her feet lazily to open the door.
“Jihyo unnie.” She said, smiling weakly before giving a space for Jihyo to coming in.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you, but I was worried since you didn’t turn on your phone, and Chaeyoung keep asking me where you at,” Jihyo said, as she put down the food that she brought with her, knowing Dahyun probably still haven’t eat anything yet.
“Chaeyoung?” She asked, smiling faintly, before sitting down at the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, she’s worried about you.” Jihyo answered, before sitting at the empty space beside Dahyun. Rubbing her back, softly.
“I see.” She looks down, playing with fingers.
“How is she?”
“Except that she’s worried sick about you, she’s okay, I think. Now, mind to tell me what’s wrong? You haven’t come back here since three years ago, Hyun.” Jihyo asked, concern visibly shown at her face.
Dahyun remain silent. She faced Jihyo, trying to find a comfort, an assurance, anything, just for her to hold back her tears. But, she failed, as she can’t stop the dam of her tears to broke, sobbing uncontrollably. Jihyo pull her close, hugging her tight.
Jihyo knew what happened, she knew about Nayeon. Chaeyoung told her everything. But, they didn’t know that Dahyun heard it all.
“Nayeon unnie?”
“Here!”
Chaeyoung walk towards the direction of Nayeon’s voice. It’s been two weeks since Dahyun went missing, and Chaeyoung missed her so bad. And she’s so worried about Dahyun, not knowing where she is. Dahyun didn’t come to classes, or even to work. No traces of her, no phone call, no messages.
Jihyo, the only friend of Dahyun that she knows, also have no idea where Dahyun is.
The bedroom door is wide open, and Chaeyoung can clearly see Nayeon under the blanket, curling up, staring into nowhere. She smiles, because as much as she’s worried about Dahyun, Nayeon is still her other girlfriend, who she loves so much.
“What are you doing?” she asked, climbing the bed, to look closer at Nayeon.
“You know; I feel so bad right now.” Nayeon answered.
“And why is that?”
“I feel like Dahyun knows about my feeling, and she’s running away because I hurt her,” as much as she didn’t want it to happen, she can’t hold back the tears that threatening to fall. And she just let it be.
“Shh, unnie. I don’t think that’s the reason.” Chaeyoung said, comforting a crying Nayeon softly, hugging her.
“What if she’s leaving us? What if she doesn’t want to be with us anymore? What if she’s getting tired of us?” Nayeon can’t stop blabbering, thinking about all the what ifs, not knowing what else to do. Because she knows, she’s the reason all of this happen.
Chaeyoung no longer stay long in their room as she’s going out to look for Dahyun, Chaeyoung no longer smiling brightly, Chaeyoung no longer being silly with her. It’s like she’s losing Chaeyoung too. And she’s so mad at herself because she didn’t try hard to fix the problem. She still remembers how poorly she treated Dahyun weeks before Dahyun disappearing.
“Unnie, be honest with me, do you miss Dahyun?” Chaeyoung asked.
Nayeon doesn’t give her answer.
“So, your feelings for her, it’s truly faded?” Chaeyoung asked again.
But Nayeon choose to stay silent.
“Unnie, you know this won’t work. You have to be honest, and tell me the truth. So, we can fix this. I hated to see you being sad like this, and I don’t know where should I look for Dahyun. She’s alone out there, how is she, have she eaten anything for the past two weeks, or is she even still alive?! I missed her, unnie! I missed her! So please unnie…” Chaeyoung begging. And Chaeyoung rarely cry, but today, in front of Nayeon, she’s letting it all out.
She’s tired, spending her days looking for Dahyun. She, herself can’t focus with her works, feel like draining as she’s losing her other half. She’s losing Dahyun, and she barely feel like there’s hope for them to be together as three again. She’s mentally exhausted.
She needs Dahyun. She needs both Dahyun and Nayeon.
“This room— “Finally, Nayeon breaks. “It doesn’t have Dahyun’s smell anymore. I hated this.” Nayeon confessed.
And that’s enough to make Chaeyoung smile, as she knows, there’s still hope for them.
“Dahyun, are you sure about this?”
“More than sure, Ji. I think it’s the best for the three of us.” Dahyun sigh, as she’s getting ready. Wearing the winter coat that Jihyo brought for her, and a beanie to cover her head.
“But, how about Chaeyoung? She’s your girlfriend too.”
“I thought about that, I love her. I love both of them, so much. But, now. I just feel like I’m an outsider, I don’t belong with them.”
“I understand; how much you’re hurting. But please, discuss about this properly with them, okay? And no matter what your decision, I hope you know, I’m here for you.” Jihyo carefully hugging Dahyun, as an encouragement.
Dahyun smile, a genuine one after a month of living in sorrow, “Thanks, Ji. For everything.”
“No problem. Now, go. I hope I’ll get a good news instead.” Holding Dahyun’s hand gently, she caressing it with her thumb.
“Don’t hope too much.” Dahyun try to joke, although it only brings her pain, pain inside her chest. Knowing too well, she’ll lose the persons she loves the most.
Leaving the small apartment, she’s taking her time, walking slowly. The distance between her small apartment with the house that she shared with Nayeon and Chaeyoung is quite far. She has to take the bus and a train ride to arrive. And her mind keep rehearsing the words she has to say to both of her girlfriends. The words that she thinks will give the three of them, the best solution that they need.
She’ll ask for a break up.