Chapter Text
Cersei had always believed that the day she met the Dornish woman her Prince had married, that she would hate her. Afterall, she had been the Dornish woman to steal both her future husband and her crown. Elia Martell, Princess of Dorne, had stolen what Cersei had always believed to be her by right, her own father had promised her Rhaegar when she had been only a girl of ten summers.
But her father had made a promise he had no right to make.
It had shaken her to her very core, when she had felt nothing of the hate she was sure would be the only feeling when meeting the Dornish Princess. But a kind smile and beautiful eyes had thrown all of Cersei’s thoughts out of the window. A small, frail looking woman, but so very eye-catching, with her loud laugh and somewhat unlady-like jokes.
Cersei understood why Jaime had begged her to be kind to the woman.
Cersei had been brought in as a Lady-in-Waiting after Elia had birthed the little Princess Rhaenys, with her mother’s looks but her father’s violet eyes. A happy baby that only cried when she was hungry or needed changing. One that grew rather quickly as the days past in the company of the Princess. Then Elia was with child again (too soon, a voice whispered in her mind during the dark nights) Rhaegar was attentive and dotting of course, but Cersei hated him.
Cersei hated the handsome Prince that used to make butterflies erupt in her stomach.
Cersei hated him, when he locked himself away to read stories, telling Elia that there was need for two more children, as though Elia had not given him a beautiful daughter already. Cersei satback and watched as the babe began to quicken in her womb, Elia was happy of course, she loved children and would love this one.
Even if she had no say in it’s birth.
Cersei had been there when that bastard Prince had given the title of Queen of Love and Beauty to a dower and pale faced Northern woman that looked like she belonged on a Farm, not with people of high standing. Cersei had raged when Elia had left, heavy with child and struggling, back to their tent and raged for the Princess because she wouldn’t. Elia was kind and sweet, so Cersei took on the role for her. When that Prince had dared show his face, Cersei had thrown wine at him and scorned him. He had the nerve to look ashamed and begged for Elia to understand.
Elia forgave him, because he was the father of her children, even the one that had yet to be born. Cersei would never forget the tears shed in the aftermath, as Elia wept for the man she had given her heart to. And he had given his to another.
Cersei had found that Northern woman and warned her. If Cersei even heard of Lyanna Stark looking at Rhaegar Targaryen, she would make sure that she would be sent away and locked in a Citadel. The Northern bitch had laughed, taunted the Lioness on how the Dornish woman was not worthy of the Dragon Prince, she had laughed and laughed, until Cersei had left pretty purple bruises on her skin. Sending her back to her family shaken and tense.
But Lyanna Stark had not heeded her warning, sending letters and promises to Rhaegar and Cersei had begged Elia to do something. The Princess had birthed a beautiful son not too long ago, with all of the looks of his father. She had been most surprised, when the Sun turned into a Lioness. Rhaegar may not have been in love with his wife, but he loved her, in his own sick ways. Elia had threatened to take the children back to Dorne, that he could fuck the Northern woman if he wished, but Elia would make sure that no child would come from the union. Elia may not have been well loved by many people, but there were a few who would make it happen, for the right price.
Rhaegar had thought she was joking. Until he woke one morning to find her packed and ready to go. Cersei had watched with a smirk on the balcony as the Dragon Prince fell to his knees and begged. Elia had stood over him as he wrote to the Stark woman, told her to cease her folly and marry Robert Baratheon, Elia had whispered she would have the both of them killed, if he ever betrayed her again. Rhaegar was not fool enough to try again. Cersei had lay neck to Elia that night, asking if she would truly kill her husband and his mistress and the Princess had responded that she wouldn’t have to and her brother Oberyn would kill them. Cersei had once been meant to marry Oberyn Martell. But her father had put a stop to it, thinking Rhaegar and Cersei would marry.
Cersei knew that Lyanna Stark’s father had written to Rhaegar, asking him to take his daughter as a second wife and she would give him the children his Dornish wife couldn’t. Cersei had whispered the contents to anyone that wanted to know and soon enough everyone knew of the desperation of Lord Stark to marry his daughter to a Prince. People had laughed and House Stark became somewhat of a laughing stock in the South.
Letters still came from the North, but even threats of taking her life would not sway the Dragon Prince from his children. Not when the threat of his son and daughter being taken away still held strong. Lyanna Stark married Robert Baratheon not long after, with letters coming from Stormsend, and the couple had come to King's Landing on occasion. With the Lady Baratheon being kept far away from the Prince, Cersei had made sure that the Northern woman could see that she was not needed and when confronted by an angry little dour faced woman, Cersei had only given her condolences and asked how her husband’s bastard children were faring. Lyanna had not given Robert an heir, so he indulged himself and fathered many children with whores and high born ladies alike. By the time Lyanna had given the Baratheon Lord his heir, he already had more than his fair share of children. Daughters and sons that looked the spitting image of their father, while the son by Lyanna looked more Stark. There were whispers that he was going to legitimise and make his eldest bastard his heir, but no news had come yet.
Cersei had wanted him to feel that pain, relishing in it and taunting him. Asking what he would have done had this happened when he put a babe inside of her. Cersei had never stopped reminding him, chipping away at him every moment of every day and taunting him about his would be dead-mistress. It had come to a head one late winter night, where Cersei had smashed a glass in his face, cutting his face open and scarring him for life.
Elia almost five years after Aegon’s birth came to be with child once again. It had come as a shock and surprise, as Elia had been told there was little chance of her having another child, even with the excitement, nobody could hide their despair. Elia’s health was still frail and Cersei had forced Rhaegar from his books and scrolls, he had done this to his wife and he would be there even if Elia lived or died, Cersei would make sure that the Dragon Prince was there to witness it.
Cersei had been half asleep when Elia’s labour began, rushing from her own rooms in the dead of night, hair dishevelled and heart hammering and breath rushing out. Her bare feet pounded on the stone floor as she ran, she blinked the tears away and for the first time in a very, very long time.
Cersei prayed. She prayed to all the Gods, for the safe delivery of this child and for the life of the woman she thought of as a sister, no matter how they had started out.
She must have looked frightening, for her own brother jumped in shock when he saw her, as he stood outside Elia’s bedchambers, even from here Cersei could hear the screams of agony and fear. She saw no sign of Rhaegar and it was gentle Jaime’s voice that reassured her, he was inside with the Princess.
“She is asking for you sister.”
Cersei had entered the room on shaky legs, already the scent of blood hovered heavily in the air and she was scared, all too soon she was back to being that child, waiting outside her mother’s rooms as she birthed Tyrion. Mother had died birthing that little monster and she had never been the same. A servant girl pushed her into the room and the sight of Elia in so much pain almost brought Cersei to her knees, her legs still shaking to make her way to the Princess’ side. Taking her hand.
“ Cersei, you came .”
The usual lively Elia was a sweating, ashy mess and Cersei had scarcely seen anything like it, having never been present for the birth of Rhaenys or Aegon. There was no lack of strength in Elia’s grip on Cersei’s hand. Her legs shook as she knelt beside Elia’s bed, the voices of everyone else dimmed and her focus was only on Elia. Her eyes were wide and honey brown, shining with strength that Cersei had only seen when the Princess was angry. Rhaegar was sitting beside Elia, though neither paid him any mind and Cersei barely had any strength to sneer at him. Her heart was hammering in her chest as Elia whimpered and cried out in pain, every cry was like a knife to Cersei’s heart and all she could hope and pray for, was Elia coming through this and living to see her children grow and have children of their own, to see Cersei marry and bare her husband heirs.
“ Cersei, promise you’ll look after her. ”
“Don’t say things like that Elia, you’re going to be just fine.”
Nobody mentioned the heavily blood soaked sheets being carried out, as Elia pushed and pushed, Cersei was scared. It was probably childish and her father would have been furious at the sight of his daughter, on her knees beside the woman he deemed as less than. Cersei pushed Elia’s thick hair out of her face, willing the tears from her eyes and swore that she would not look weak in the eyes of Elia, who was giving everything she had, to bring this child into the world.
Even when the sun replaced the moon, Elia still struggled and grew weaker. The Dowager Queen had arrived to show her good-daughter support, but could hardly deal with the sight before her, leaving quickly to write to Elia’s brothers. Cersei could feel Elia’s grip weaken, as the Maester yelled that he could see the head and she thought to herself, the child should never have been born, brought into this world covered in the blood of its mother, taking its first breath while Elia took her last.
The sun was high in the sky when the baby finally broke free of its mother with a loud cry that echoed through the room, Elia gasped for breath and shook as blood spilled from between her legs, heavy. The babe was passed to Rhaegar, who could barely hold himself up as he stared between his wife and child.
“A daughter.”
Elia’s face broke into a smile, a breathless laugh before the Maester was all but removing Cersei and Rhaegar from the room, barking orders as the two stumbled from the room. The air was tense, as Rhaella and Viserys stood waiting for them. The child was wrapped and held tightly by her father, as he stumbled and Jamie rushed to steady him. Cersei could hardly believe her eyes when he began to cry, all but shoving the child into his own mother’s arms. Cersei pushed the pity down, he didn’t deserve it not after everything he had done. But Viserys looked more than excited at the small baby held by his mother.
“Another niece! Rhae will be pleased.”
“What will you name her?”
Rhaegar sat with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he gasped between sobs, Cersei wanted to shake him and yell. He had no right to sit there and weep while his wife fought for her life, pretty and sweet Elia who should have gone back to Dorne the second Rhaegar’s eyes were on that Northern bitch. Elia who thrived in the sun, who lived and breathed sunshine.
“She will have no name, until Elia is ready.”
Cersei was surprised by the steel in her voice, it didn’t shake and there was nothing to hint at the pain she was feeling inside of her, it burrowed itself deep into her bones and heart. Elia would be okay, she had to be because Cersei wasn’t sure she would be able to live a happy life if Elia was not here to live it with her. There was no argument from any member of House Targeryen, while Rhaella cuddled her new granddaughter and Viserys sat beside his brother. Time seemed to pass so very slow as they waited, Rhaegar now holding his daughter while Cersei stood tense by her brother. He looked so concerened.
“Elia is strong, she will be fine.”
Cersei wanted to believe him, wanted to walk into that room and see Elia sitting there healthy and happy, with a wide smile on her face as she held her daughter. Cersei wasn’t even sure Elia would live long enough to see her daughter, but just as she had asked, Cersei would look after the little one. Raise her on the knowledge that she had been born to a strong mother that had loved her, even before she had come into the world. Who had nurtured and grew her inside her womb, knowing that she might never see her.
Love for a child was a powerful thing.
The sun had long set, yet Cersei never moved. Though Rhaegar had taken his daughter to the Nursery, his family followed along. Cersei had to wait, so when the door finally opened, she would deny she stumbled and all but ran into the room. The Maester had asked for Rhaegar, Jamie had left to find him. The only sound Cersei could hear was her own breathing, her breath came out sharp and fast as she shakely walked towards the bed.
Elia was propped up against many pillows, her face ashen and withdrawn. Cersei wasn’t sure how they had done it, but the smell of blood was hardly detectable now. She took a seat beside her, reaching carefully to hold Elia’s hand. She was cold, but a fire could be lit soon enough and Elia would be fine. Cersei could hear the mumbling voices of Rhaegar and the Maester, though she could hardly find the energy to try and hear what was being said.
She ignored him, as he took a seat beside her. Cersei had nothing to say to him, not now anyway. But she jumped out of her skin when his hand touched her shoulder and he flinched back as she turned her head.
“Lady Cersei, you should go and rest.”
“What? And leave her alone with you? I don’t think so.”
“You think I would harm her? She’s my wife.”
“One that you would replace as soon as she took her final breath, we all know letters still come from that Northern whore and you indulge in her fantasies. You would make her your wife and throw Elia away if you wanted to, everyone knows.”
“How dare you?”
Cersei could barley hold herself back, “You still speak about her! You would have ruined your marriage for the cunt of a Northern girl! Forsaking your wife and children! We all know what she wrote in those letters, that she would never be your mistress and would be your wife and how she prayed that Elia would die and she could be queen! You never wrote anything in defense of your wife and that sickens me! I would see you dead before I saw Elia dead.”
Cersei flinched back when Rhaegar stood, towering over her with his eyes dark and his mouth curled in a snarl, “You should watch your mouth Lady Lannister, you might have my wife’s trust, but I will have you removed if you do not leave.” Cersei noticed how his hands shook, how pale he looked and all she could think was, he deserved it. He deserved the pain of knowing his wife would trust the Lioness of Casterly Rock, before she would trust the Dragon of King’s Landing.
“Elia is my wife, I love her and my children. Maybe I am doomed to love her now, as she once loved me and knowing now she feels only fondness and loyalty. Elia would run back to Dorne if I ever brought Lyanna here. I would sacrifice anything to have my wife back, but I can’t.”
“Your children will hate you Rhaegar, when they find out the truth.”
Cersei watched as his hand touched Elia’s head, “Then they will hate me and it will be deserved. Everything that I did and the daughter I needed was born right here with the wife I thought would never give me more children. Elia has fought her battle now and she will come through this strong.”
Cersei walked backwards as she stared him down, “If Elia dies, I’ll kill you myself.” she was shocked by the smile that bloomed on Rhaegar’s face.
“I expect nothing less.”
Cersei never had to make true on her promise, when Elia woke more than a week later and asked for her daughter, Cersei knew everything would be okay. She had been there as mother and daughter were reunited, as Rhaenys and Aegon waited patiently to see their mother and Rhaegar was hounded by his children with question upton questions about why she was taking so long and why did the baby get to see mother first? Cersei had sat waiting to be called in and when the time came it was to the sight of Elia sitting up, skin warm and a wide smile on her face.
Elia looked as though she hadn't been at death's door.
When Elia whispered the name, "Juana, after my mother." Even Rhaegar accepted it, though Cersei was sure the words his mother had with him before, played a very large part in his acceptence.
Cersei's heart quickened at the sight, as Elia pressed her lips to her cheek and pulled her close. She could see the look of pain in Rhaegar's face as Elia greeted Cersei as though she were Elia's husband. They sat together as a family, with the children bouncing around and shrieking in exctiment at their mother being awake. This was a life that she had never thought she would have. Sitting with the woman she had once hated and now adored, with the man she had once thought she would marry and now relishing in his pain and isolation. Cersei was more welcome in this family than Rhaegar was and would be. In the years that followed Cersei married and had children of her own, raised in the Red Keep with Elia and her children, when the inevitable came, when the children finally learned of what their father had done. Cersei was there to pick up the broken pieces of the children's hearts and put them back together.
Rhaegar died with the love of his people, burried with a portrait of his wife resting on his chest, knowing she would not be burried beside him. But he died knowing his children would never forgive him, not when Lyanna Baratheon had turned up one winter night begging for Rhaegar to run away to the Free Cities with her, it was only the sight of Juana standing at the end of the corridor that had forced him to send the Northern woman away in her shame, the word spreading quickly and she had been sent back North by her own husband to live in shame. Cersei had heard that Brandon Stark had been the only one to welcome his sister home, her good-sister Catelyn had been furious. From what they knew, Lyanna had died a disgrace to the North and her family.
Cersei had shed no tears at Rhaegar's funeral, hand held tight in Elia's.
He deserved none of their tears and Cersei knew that Elia would be free to leave and travel back to Dorne now. Rhaegar had offered to lether go a little while before his death, but she felt that it would reflect badly on her. Had she gone. Her children still needed her and when they were grown, Elia would go home to Dorne and live out the rest of her days in the burning sun and warm sand, surrounded by her own brothers and their children, their granchildren and everything would be okay. Her children would grown and move on to have children of their own, and the cicle would be begin again.
When Cersei turned up, so many years later with her hair grey and wrinkles on her face, Elia had welcomed her just as warmly as she had the first time they met. They may have aged and the world might have gone on wthout them, but Cersei still thought that Elia had the most beautiful honey brown eyes and smile, and Elia thought Cersei's eyes still shone like emeraldes. They settled in Sunspear and travelled some, to places Cersei had only dreamed of seeing and experienced so much happiness that they had wondered if they could have done this before, if Elia had chosen to leave all those years ago. But both knew Juana never would have been born and it was a wrothy sacrifice.
They grew together in hardship and pain, but grew as one. They lived together and would die together, burried in the burning sun and warm sand.