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~~~~~
Yoongi swears he’s not the jealous type, but he’s starting to get suspicious. This is the third night this week that Jungkook has come home after midnight, hair mussed and sweat-damp. He calls out I’m home before heading straight to the shower, as if to wash himself clean of whatever he’s hiding. Yoongi is tucked in bed with a book but he can’t focus on anything except where Jungkook has been all night. He keeps reading the same sentence over and over again until he finally puts the book on his nightstand.
When Jungkook emerges from the bathroom, he’s rubbing his dark hair dry with a towel. “Hi baby,” he says sweetly as he flops down onto the bed. He leans in and presses his nose to Yoongi’s before pulling him in for a kiss.
“You’re home late,” Yoongi’s voice is stiff. He’s not jealous. Yoongi doesn’t get jealous.
“Dance practice ran late again. You know how Hobi-hyung gets when we’re in showcase season.”
“What time did you leave practice?”
Jungkook leans back and scrunches his eyebrows down, “Just after eleven. What’s with the third degree, hyung?”
“You’re just coming home late a lot.”
“Are you being jealous?” the corner of Jungkook’s mouth curves up into a smile.
Yoongi pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he stammers, “N--no, why would I be?” Jealous? Jealous! Min Yoongi doesn’t get jealous.
“Guess I couldn’t hide my secret from you much longer,” Jungkook lets out a high pitched sigh.
“What? What secret.”
“My secret boyfriend. His name is Alejandro. We have three children together. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Jungkook dramatically drapes himself over Yoongi.
“You’re a brat,” Yoongi tries to hide his smile.
“Hyung, you know I’m just playing with you. We really have been staying late at practice.”
“Okay… I’m sorry. I guess I’m just feeling a little lonely lately.”
Jungkook looks up at Yoongi and his eyes hold galaxies in them. He smiles again, so softly, and Yoongi goes soft too.
“What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know.”
“Wanna watch the Backstreet Boys documentary?”
“Why would I wanna watch that?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Because I know you love the Backstreet Boys and it’s your favorite comfort film.”
“No, I don’t and no it’s not.”
“Hyung, Millennium is like the only album you listen to.”
“Well the production on it is—”
“Yeah yeah, the production. Go make popcorn, I’ll pull up the movie.”
Yoongi sighs softly. He climbs out of bed and feels a tug on his sweater. Jungkook is looking at him with those big, beautiful eyes again.
“Kiss me first?”
Yoongi nods and Jungkook pulls him in to kiss him soft, soft, soft.
~~~~~
So something is definitely going on, and Yoongi is determined to figure out what. He’s pacing back and forth in the living room of their apartment, Namjoon’s eyes ping pong back and forth as they follow him. Jungkook came home yesterday, late from “practice” again and he was blonde. Blonde! When Yoongi had pointed it out, Jungkook just shrugged it off and went right to bed.
“Why did he dye his hair if not to impress someone else?” Yoongi bites his nails as he paces.
“Maybe he just wanted to try it out?” Namjoon bounces his leg as he sips his beer. “Will you sit down, hyung? You’re making me nervous.”
“Namjoon-ah, nobody just dyes their hair blonde to try it out. ”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“It just doesn’t make sense. Jungkook doesn’t do impulsive shit like dye his hair.”
“Maybe he wanted to spice things up?”
Yoongi stops pacing and glares at Namjoon. “Spice things up? We don’t need to be spicy. We are perfectly fine!” Yoongi immediately starts a mental relationship checklist. Are they fine? Do they need spice? Is Yoongi… boring?
“Oh my god, he wanted to spice things up. He thinks I’m boring, doesn’t he?”
“No, of course not—”
“This is a fucking disaster. My hot, younger boyfriend thinks I’m boring.” Yoongi plops down on the couch next to Namjoon. “I need to do something spicy.”
“Why don’t you try talking to him—”
“Maybe I’ll dye my hair blonde too. Or get a tattoo. Jungkook has tons of those. Or I’ll get a dog or something. That’ll be spicy, right?”
Namjoon rests his hand on Yoongi’s thigh, his voice is low and calm. “Hyung, are you having a gay crisis right now?”
“No.”
“That’s exactly what someone having a gay crisis would say.”
“What about Jimin? Has he been coming home late too?”
Namjoon thinks for a moment, “Well yeah, but he said Hobi has been cracking the whip at practice.”
Yoongi narrows his eyes and studies Namjoon’s face. Namjoon refuses to make eye contact, nervously looking up and around and down to the floor.
Yoongi huffs, “I’m texting Hobi.”
Yoongi
hey
have you been keeping kook at practice every night
Hoseok
hi hyung!!!
hmmmm
i don’t know ;-)
Yoongi
why are you winking at me
answer the question
Hoseok
no later than usual
;-)
Yoongi
how late is “no later than usual”
Hoseok
just like
no later than usual!!!
Yoongi
stop being evasive
Hoseok
;-)
Yoongi
fuck off
Hoseok
luv u 2 <3
“Well that was fucking useless,” Yoongi throws his phone across the couch.
“What did he say?”
“He didn’t give me a straight answer. So either he’s in on whatever they’re doing, or they’re lying to us.”
“What do you mean, they?” Namjoon looks nervous.
“Jungkook and Jimin.”
“Why are you pulling Jimin into this?”
“He’s coming home late too and he’s one of Jungkook’s best friends. If Jungkook is doing something unsavory, Jimin is in on it.”
“Unsavory, what the fuck are you talking about? My boyfriend is not doing anything unsavory.”
Yoongi gets up and starts pacing again. “Has he been avoiding questions? Giving you vague answers to his whereabouts?”
“Well yeah, but…” Namjoon’s eyes widen again, “Oh my god, does Jimin think I’m boring? Am I having my own gay crisis?”
Yoongi nods, “See? All the dots are connecting now. Our hot, younger boyfriends are bored with us.”
“What do we do?”
Yoongi thinks for a moment, “We need to follow them and find out what the fuck they’ve been doing.”
~~~~~
Yoongi and Namjoon look… ridiculous.
“Hyung, we look ridiculous.”
“Well we had to go undercover,” Yoongi grumbles.
“We look like beatniks. The guy at the cafe asked me to recite a poem for him.”
“You didn’t have to do it, you know.”
Namjoon’s face goes red, “I was caught up in the moment.”
They’re wearing matching black turtlenecks and beanies, black pants, and black shoes. Yoongi had insisted, telling Namjoon that it would be essential for their undercover sting.
It is, however, 2pm on a Wednesday. So yeah, they look a little ridiculous.
They’ve been tailing Jungkook and Jimin for over an hour now, weaving through clothing racks and hiding behind fake plants as they make their way through several stores at the mall. The boys have several shopping bags in tow.
“This is pointless, they’re just shopping,” Namjoon groans as he drinks his macchiato.
“Well we just have to keep following them,” Yoongi insists.
“Yoongi-hyung, let’s go. This turtleneck is itchy.”
“But it makes your pecs look huge.”
Namjoon looks down and flexes, “You think?”
“Mhmm, come on.”
They see Jungkook and Jimin leaving another store, so Yoongi grabs Namjoon by the arm to follow behind them. Namjoon trips over his own shoelace and goes down, bringing Yoongi with him. They cause a commotion in the middle of the mall and a crowd of people gather around to help them up. When Yoongi and Namjoon are upright again, Yoongi feels his phone vibrating in his pocket.
Jungkook
smooth move
you look cute in all black
like a lil beatnik or something
Yoongi
i don’t know what you’re talking about
Jungkook
you’re the least conspicuous right now
tell namjoon-hyung i said hi :-)
“We’ve been spotted, abort mission,” Yoongi’s face is bright red. He turns around and starts to walk briskly in the direction they came from.
Namjoon trips after him, “What do you mean we’ve been spotted?”
“Jungkook just texted me and said smooth move, and then he told me to say hi to you.”
“Oh, oh no. Not good.” At that moment, Namjoon’s phone rings. “Fuck, it’s Jimin.”
“Play it cool, man.”
Namjoon answers the phone, practically shouting, “Hey babe! I miss you! What? The mall? No, I’m not at the mall. My Snapchat location?” Namjoon’s voice trails off as Yoongi walks ahead of him, head down as they exit the mall.
They walk to the bus stop in shame. Yoongi is embarrassed that they got caught, and that he’s dressed like an idiot in broad daylight, and that instead of talking to his boyfriend upfront he devised an elaborate scheme that had failed miserably. He walks back to his apartment with his tail between his legs, not ready for whatever shit storm Jungkook is going to unleash on him when he gets home.
~~~~~
Jungkook gets home late again and acts… completely normal. Too normal. So normal that it’s throwing Yoongi off. He’s even more suspicious now and god, this is stupid. He knows this is stupid. But he’s feeling insecure because, well, his boyfriend is hot. Hot as hell. And now he’s blonde, so he’s double hot. And Yoongi feels like an awkward string bean most days, so why shouldn’t he feel insecure?
He’s especially insecure because he’s 28 today. He’s one year closer to 30. One year closer to the urn. And his boyfriend, his hot, blonde boyfriend, is only 24. Yoongi likes to be in bed by 10pm, likes to read a chapter of a book while he drinks a cup of tea, likes to get his eight hours a night. Jungkook likes to go to clubs with Jimin and Taehyung and dance, sexy dance, while drinking fruity, alcoholic drinks by the gallon.
No wonder he’s gotten bored with Yoongi.
It is, however, Yoongi’s birthday, so he tries to keep his gay crisis to himself. He’s currently sitting at his birthday noraebang, sipping whiskey while Seokjin and Taehyung sing an old love song. Jimin and Namjoon are cuddled in the corner, Namjoon seems to have survived whatever lashing Jimin doled out for the failed spy mission. Jungkook and Hoseok are shouting over the music to talk about choreography for the spring showcase. Yoongi feels warm and happy and a little bit loved.
Maybe 28 won’t be so bad.
The music ends and everyone cheers. Seokjin screams “happy birthday” into the mic before sharing a sloppy kiss with Taehyung as they climb off the stage.
“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Jungkook announces, eyes wide as he raises his eyebrows at everyone.
“Me too!” Jimin pipes up.
“We should all go together!” Hoseok shouts.
“I don’t have to go,” Taehyung mumbles.
Jimin elbows him in the side and gives him a knowing glance. “I think you do, Tae.”
“Oh, oh,” Taehyung drawls. “Yeah, definitely have to piss. Big time.”
Yoongi furrows his brow, “Why are you all being fucking weird?”
Jungkook leans down and kisses Yoongi’s forehead, “We’re not being weird. Be right back, don’t move from this spot.” Jungkook boops Yoongi’s nose with his fingertip before skipping away.
Jimin looks at Namjoon and says, “Stay here, babe. Keep Yoongi-hyung company.”
Namjoon nods. Before Yoongi knows it, they’re all alone.
Yoongi squints his eyes at Namjoon, “Okay, something weird is going on.”
Namjoon bounces his leg where he sits, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re full of shit.”
Namjoon barks with laughter, “Yeah, probably. But when you find out what’s about to happen, a lot of things will make sense.”
“What things?”
Namjoon smiles and says nothing.
“What things, Namjoon-ah?”
“Just wait and see.”
Yoongi is going full gay crisis mode. He’s not usually one for surprises, and now he feels genuinely terrified of what’s about to happen. What if it’s a clown? Oh god, please don’t let it be a clown. Or a stripper… would Jungkook hire a stripper? Maybe it’s… a clown stripper.
He can feel his neck dampen with sweat, his throat get tight. This is not good. Yoongi feels a hand rest on his thigh and he looks over at Namjoon, “Hyung. You’re going to love it. Relax.”
Yoongi nods and exhales.
Suddenly, Yoongi hears a guitar being picked over the loudspeaker. The unmistakable opening to one of the best pop songs ever written. He looks toward the door and sees Taehyung in all white, microphone in hand, walking slowly into the room.
You are, my fire…
What the fuck?
The one, desire…
Yoongi swears he blacks out for a moment. He can hear singing, hear Namjoon hooping and hollering, and when he comes to, he sees Taehyung, Jimin, Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jungkook dancing in matching outfits.
Jungkook is wearing loose white pants, a white shirt, and an open white jacket. His blonde hair is parted down the middle and he’s belting tell me why as he kneels down and takes Yoongi’s hand. Yoongi is blushing, trying to cover his face with his free hand.
Yeah, things are starting to make sense.
Hoseok is in a white tank top with fake tattoos sharpied on his arms. He’s wearing a press on goatee and a white fedora tilted precariously to the side. Jimin is wearing a black wig, slicked back into a ponytail. Seokjin (also wearing a press on goatee) and Taehyung are in white denim jackets and pants.
The Backstreet Boys. The fucking Backstreet Boys.
Jungkook joins the rest of the guys on stage while they sing, their choreography is immaculate. Their voices aren’t half bad either. Jungkook, of course, sounds like an angel. He’s always an angel.
Yoongi leans over to Namjoon and yells over the music, “You knew?”
Namjoon smiles, “Jimin told me after they caught us spying at the mall. They kept me out of it because they knew I couldn’t keep a secret. Apparently they’ve been practicing for weeks.”
Yoongi laughs, so big and loud that his gums show. “Sounds about right.”
The song ends and they all make finger hearts at Yoongi while screaming happy birthday on stage.
He is very much in love.
“I’m sorry I was being weird, hyung, but I was dying to keep this a secret,” Jungkook rushes over to sit down in Yoongi’s lap. Everyone crowds around them at the table.
“I’m… speechless. It was incredible. But you know AJ’s my favorite, right?” Yoongi looks Jungkook up and down.
“But Hobi-hyung is the perfect AJ.”
Yoongi looks over to Hoseok as he hypes up Namjoon on stage.
“Yeah, he weirdly is.”
“I know,” Jungkook laughs before leaning in to kiss Yoongi.
Everyone else is up now, dancing while Hoseok and Namjoon rap to an Epik High song. Yoongi takes Jungkook’s hands.
“I’m sorry I followed you.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s really not. I was being… well I was being insecure. I thought you were bored with me.”
Jungkook looks confused, “Bored? Why would I be bored with you?”
“I don’t know, because I’m old. And I like to stay home. And you like to go out and dance and do fun things.”
“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m bored with you. I like staying home sometimes. And you’re not old, you’re only 28.”
“That’s like 50 in gay years.”
“Oh my god, shut the fuck up, I love you.” Jungkook kisses Yoongi again, kisses him silly, until all Yoongi can taste is sweet on his tongue.
“I love you too,” Yoongi says between kisses.
“They have “Everybody” on the karaoke machine, and I know you know the choreography.”
“I don’t know the choreography.”
“Yoongi-hyung, I saw you doing it in our bedroom last week.”
“You didn’t see shit.”
“I’m playing that song next and you’re gonna get your ass up and dance with us. Hobi-hyung taught the choreography to everyone.”
Yoongi sighs, giddy and drunk. “Alright, fine. Let’s do it.”
~~~~~
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