Chapter Text
Fuzzy Q-tip snowflakes floated down serenely as Charles and Erik exited the building. Charles let out a little sigh of contentment as the snowflakes settled on his hair.
He stole a glance over at Erik, whose face was set in its default state of indifference. Even then, Charles thought that he was beautiful, the lines of his face sharp and clean, gray eyes gazing intently at the snowscape, his tongue darting out to wet his lower lip.
Charles shook himself before the staring could get creepy.
How he wished that he were more like Raven, able to engage everyone in conversation, trading friendly barbs with Erik instead of just staring and stammering and smiling dumbly all the time, too nervous and enamoured to speak.
Clearing his throat to break the awkward silence, he asked tentatively, “Do you ever want to just stand still, unmoving, somewhere and just let the snow settle on yourself?” Charles’ lips lifted in a dreamy smile as the scene unfolded in his imagination.
“No.” The terse statement was all that left Erik’s mouth. His knitted hat was pulled firmly over his forehead, nearly covering his eyes.
Charles’ smile froze on his face to conceal his embarrassment at his making a fool of himself once more in front of Erik. “Oh,” he said in a small voice. Good going, Xavier, he thought to himself, Erik probably thinks that you’re even more of a loon now. “Well,” he coughed, shifting from foot to foot, “this is me. I’m waiting for the shuttle,” he said unnecessarily.
A look of relief flashed across Erik’s face, and Charles tried not to be too hurt by further proof that Erik definitely did not share the heart-wrenching, heart-hammering, soul-warming, all-consuming crush that Charles had on him. Even after working together for about a year, the jury was very much still out on whether or not Erik even liked Charles as a person. He lingered on that thought morosely.
“I’m headed to the garage, so, I’ll see you later,” Erik offered stiltedly, probably realizing that he was being a bit rude.
Charles gave him a smile. He was a friendly person. He could be nice and polite with Erik, even though Erik disliked him. Everything was fine. “Have a good weekend, Erik.”
~~
Erik cursed himself as he walked to his car, his mind playing back his conversation with Charles. Could it really be called a conversation if you barely said anything to him? His mind snarled at him. Nice going, Lehnsherr, he probably thinks that you hate him. Ugh, it wasn’t his fault that Charles was so utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful and good and warm and sweet and perfect in every way! Everyone loved him, and Erik couldn’t blame them; Charles just had a way of looking at you like you were the only person in the world, like you were important.
Erik had just barely gotten himself through a full group conference with Charles in attendance without staring at him dreamily or blurting out “I love you” in front of all of their colleagues, but then Charles, adorably frazzled, bookbag hanging off of one shoulder, scarf strewn haphazardly around his neck, decided to dart into the elevator at the last second, and Erik had to endure an agonizing minute alone in the elevator car with Charles, aching to touch him, to press him up against the wall and kiss him.
Then, to make matters worse, once they were outside, nature itself decided that it hated Erik, and it was all he could do not to gape at Charles in wonder as he reached his hands out to catch the snowflakes, his long, delicate fingers nearly caressing them. The falling snowflakes made Charles look like an angel, untouchable, ethereal, and Erik, although he already worshipped Charles, could not, would not, touch him.
“Do you ever want to just stand still, unmoving, somewhere and just let the snow settle on yourself?” Erik replayed the moment Charles looked at him, eyes full of contentment and child-like giddiness, and had it been anyone else, Erik would have said something witty and teasing, but Charles, face turned up to the sky to meet the snowflakes, glowing with happiness, took his breath away, and all he could manage was a gruff “No”. He hated the snow, he hated the cold, and Erik had always had the unfortunate habit of being completely honest with Charles. I would with you, he had wanted to add. I think I would do anything with you.
Part of Erik nearly cried in relief when they went to part ways (most of Erik cried in disappointment). At least he wouldn’t continue putting his foot in his mouth and come off as an asshole because he couldn’t function like a normal human being around Charles. The rational and responsible part of his mind prodded him to say some inane farewell to try to salvage the conversation and at least try to show Charles that he wasn’t actually a terrible person.
He must have done something right because Charles smiled at him and wished him a good weekend. You’re beautiful, Erik wanted to tell him. You are perfect in every way, and I’m stupidly in love with you.
But, being the coward that he was, Erik simply nodded in acknowledgement and walked away.