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The room was still except for the sound of air escaping through open mouths that stared transfixed on the inky canopy that blanketed over them, with a deep blue and vivid violet swirling around each other in a never-ending dance. Slowly the room brightened as the first burning light appeared in the ceiling, and then the second until the room was filled with thousands of bright stars. The stars winked at the two boys.
Even though these stars were only fluorescent bulbs, they seemed to laugh the same way that the stars outside of his bedroom window did. Like they were hiding incredible secrets, the creation of their galaxy and others, the secret to life. Maybe even the mystery of how he was lucky enough to be able to spend this moment next to the boy that saved him from the emerald-colored beetle that chased him into a river when they were kids; Oikawa thought to himself as he reached to thread his fingers through Iwaizumi's, who was staring wide-eyed at the stars.
It wasn’t Oikawa’s first time at the dome theater, he spent many hours here, after lost matches searching for answers on why he wasn’t good enough, and for reasons to keep trying, this was his home just as much as the one he was raised in, this was not his first time in the theater, but it would be the last for many years. Oikawa wanted to say goodby to the fake stars and introduce them to the man he loved even more than them.
“Tōru” Iwaizumi whispered, breaking the silence that blanketed over the room. “The stars, can you see the same stars in Argentina?” he asked, glancing down from the ceiling to stare into Oikawa’s eyes.
Oikawa hesitated, letting his eyes flash up to glance at the constellations over them, “Not really, they are in different hemispheres,” he muttered out, tightening his grip onto Iwaizumi’s hand, dreading the moment he would have to let go. “But, there is one constellation that you can see part off, as long as the skies are clear and the lights are dim,” He used his left arm to point at the far right corner of the room, “see there?” He whispered, watching Iwaizumi’s eyes follow the path that his arm left. “That’s Orion, the hunter. You can spot him from those two bright stars; Rigel and Betelgeuse. And I’ll be able to see it too, and I will look for him every night, and even when the skies are cloudy, I will watch the stars online. Even though we will be continents apart, we will still be staring at the same cluster of stars,” he promised, pulling Iwaizumi’s hand up to his mouth to leave a soft kiss.
Oikawa glanced back up to wait for Iwaizumi’s reaction, who was staring down at their linked hands with a frown on his face and a blush traveling up his neck. Iwaizumi let out a loud sigh before muttering out, “dumbass,” and pulling Oikawa down into a tight hug.
Oikawa couldn’t help but grin while resting his head against his boyfriend’s chest. Iwaizumi was always so nervous with any public display of affection, kissing or even holding hands, but the days where he would initiate a hug or reach down to hold his hands when they were out on a date or out with friends or family were his favorite. Moments like these were special, and they made him feel incredibly loved. It was a stark contrast from how he behaved in high school when both of them struggled to suppress the feelings they held for each other. In those days, the closest they got to physical contact in front of others was a pat on the back at the end of a match, and even though it was something, it still made his heart ache, and his eyes tear from loneliness.
Oikawa wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi to hold him back. He tightened his grip as each of the tiny lights in the ceiling started to go out. He didn’t want this moment to end, and if he could, he would spend all day watching the stars with Hajime’s arms wrapped around him, but the show only lasted for an hour, and stupid Hajime had to plan his surprise for him.
The room was now a suffocating dark before it turned into grey and the space around them lightened. With the bright lights, the blue and violet swirling colors faded away, and Oikawa clutched onto Iwaizumi even tighter. He thought that maybe if he refused to let go, the stars would never disappear, and he would never have to leave him.
When the room was fully lit up, Oikawa and Iwaizumi remained wrapped in each other's arms, waiting for the last people to leave before they untangled themselves from each other and made their way out of the theater holding each other's hands.
“So… Iwa-chan, where are you taking me?” Oikawa smiled, swinging their hands between them. The nickname caused Iwaizumi to groan loudly in annoyance, but Oikawa only grinned wider. He’d been calling him Iwa-chan since they were children, and he wasn’t about to stop doing it no matter how sweet Iwaizumi was today.
Iwaizumi didn’t respond to the question until they were a couple of blocks away from the museum. “I thought we could go on a walk together, and then maybe sit down in the grass somewhere and have a picnic,” he finally mumbled out, glancing nervously back at him. The sweet gesture and the nervousness from his boyfriend made Oikawa’s face heat up. It would give them the chance to talk and be around each other one last time before he had to leave. He wanted to spend the day maybe playing volleyball or the movies or at some party pretending that he wouldn’t be in a different country tomorrow morning. Maybe if they were busy, he could forget what was about to happen, but he knew that he would regret it later when thinking about his last moments in Japan.
Oikawa leaned over to press a quick kiss to Iwaizumi’s cheek in reply, and they continued to walk in silence until they spotted the pink and white flowers in the flowering dogwood trees that were planted throughout the large park. Iwaizumi was the first to break the comfortable silence that settled over them, “have you finished packing?” he asked.
The thought of leaving hadn’t left Oikawa’s brain all day, but it was a lot more terrifying to talk about it now. He knew it was happening and that it was too late to stop it, but he foolishly believed that if he and Iwaizumi didn’t talk about it today, then he wouldn’t need to leave.
“Yes, I finished a couple of days ago, and I triple checked everything yesterday to make sure I didn’t forget anything,” He replied.
“How about housing? Do you have somewhere to stay when you get there?” Iwaizumi asked again, biting his lip as he did.
Oikawa stopped walking and yanked Iwaizumi’s hand to get him to stop and look at him. “Stop Hajime,” He said, frowning. He wanted to enjoy this day, not spend time worrying about what would happen next and thinking about how he would leave him. “We’re not talking about this. I want to spend my last moments here with you, being happy,” he pleaded. He grabbed onto the side of Iwaizumi’s arms and stared into his eyes. He knew that Hajime was dealing with this situation in his way, and worrying about if he was going to be alright was the only way he could handle his emotions. After all, he had been looking after him for what felt like his entire life. But listening to his worries and the way Iwaizumi was always trying to make sure he was okay would only make it harder for him to leave. He couldn’t bear to imagine what it would be like without his darling Iwa-chan by his side; who else was going to throw volleyballs at him when he practiced too hard? Yell at him for not taking care of himself whenever he got sick? Or massage his knee whenever the pain from straining it too hard got too much to bear.
Iwaizumi only smiled, before smacking the back of Oikawa’s head, “Trashykawa stop talking like you're about to die,” He laughed before turning around to walk in the direction of the small lake. Oikawa rubbed his head in annoyance; maybe he should have stopped calling him Iwa-chan today? He thought to himself, glaring at the ground as he followed his boyfriend. Iwaizumi was a lot cuter when he was sweet, not so much when he was annoyingly violent.
When he caught up to Iwaizumi, he was laying out a navy blue blanket on the grass right at the edge of the pond, under a pink flowering dogwood tree. Oikawa sat down on the blanket with a huff and attempted to stare angrily at the water. Oikawa heard Iwaizumi moving around behind him and pulling stuff out of his bag. Iwaizumi stopped moving, but he still refused to turn around to see what he was doing. He didn’t want to be the first one to give in.
Oikawa stiffened when he felt Iwaizumi sit down behind him, and seconds later, he felt Iwaizumi’s arms wrap around him in a hug. He refused to give him the pleasure of his attention and continued to stare forward. “Tōru,” Iwaizumi pleaded, and when Oikawa didn’t respond, he tried again calling his name softly before pressing his lips to the back of his neck. Oikawa shivered, but still, he refused to answer.
“Come on, do you want to spend today being angry at me?” Iwaizumi prodded. When that failed to get a response, he groaned before attempting again, “I brought you your favorite milk bread.”
Oikawa finally turned around and snatched the milk bread lying on the plate behind him, stuffing his face into the food quickly. Stupid Iwa-chan for knowing how to break his resolve.
Iwaizumi laughed in response before placing another kiss on the side of Oikawa’s jaw. “So, do you maybe want some water with that bread?” he asked, passing a bottle of water to Oikawa, who snatched it out of his outstretched hands.
When Oikawa finished the piece of milk bread he was eating, he laid down and rested his head on Iwaizumi’s lap. He stared at his boyfriend’s tanned face and let his fingers brush against his chin and his jaw, trying to imbed the image and the warmth under his fingertips into his memory.
Iwaizumi reacted to the touch by reaching down to play with Oikawa’s hair.
“Hey, do you remember the team party we had at the end of our third year,” Iwaizumi asked, twirling Oikawa’s hair between his fingers.
How could he forget? It was a couple of weeks before the end of the semester, his last year at Aoba Johsai, and he and the other 3rd years threw a party to celebrate their graduation. “Didn’t Kindaichi bring a Monopoly board?” he asked.
“Yup, and I’m pretty sure Mad Dog was the one who flipped it when he lost,”
Oikawa laughed; Mad Dog was the one who flipped the board, but it wasn’t because he lost. It was because at that moment Yahaba leaned down to whisper something in his ear, Oikawa didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t hard to guess with the way that Kyōtani turned bright red before flipping the board and going outside muttering about how he needed some fresh air.
“We also had that fight. What was it even about?”
Iwaizumi closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree trunk, “I might have gotten a little jealous over the girls, I wanted to spend the day with you, and those girls kept pulling you away,” he mumbled out.
Oikawa barely remembered the girls that were talking to him. If he thought hard about it, he could remember one of them saying something about the school photography club, but the fight they had was still so clear in his memory that it felt like it happened yesterday. It was stupid, and they both said things that they didn’t mean, and it was when Iwaizumi confessed to him. It wasn’t the best situation, and it wasn’t the confession that Oikawa dreamed off but without it who knows where they might have been. Days later, he and Iwaizumi met up on his house’s doorsteps, and they talked through their feelings, and when they finished, Oikawa kissed him.
“To tell you the truth, I barely remember what those girls wanted, but I still remember kissing you for the first time as if it was yesterday.”
Iwaizumi grinned at the cheesy response and leaned down to press a kiss to Oikawa’s forehead.
They sat there for what seemed like hours, trading smiles and describing the shapes they saw in the clouds. Oikawa swore one of them looked like a rocket ship, but Iwaizumi argued that it was a fish.
They lay on the blanket until the sun started to set; it disappeared past the trees leaving behind golden rays that illuminated parts of their skin and made their eyes shine.
Oikawa broke the silence that settled over them, “I could stay. There’s still time to refuse the offer,” his voice shook as he attempted to convince Iwaizumi. He didn’t want to leave him. He could go to school here, maybe the same one as Iwaizumi, he could become a Volleyball Coach. Even if he didn’t end up playing on a professional volleyball team, it didn’t mean he had to abandon the sport. He knew that if he tried, he could keep the two things he loved in his life.
Iwaizumi turned to look at Oikawa and cupped his face in his hands, “You can’t,” is all he said as he rubbed away the few tears that escaped Oikawa’s eyes.
Oikawa leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi, who soon started to cry too.
“You can’t.”
They clung to each other for a few more minutes until they both got in control of their emotions again.
When Iwaizumi’s tears stilled, he pulled back from Oikawa and stared intently into his face, “Oikawa, you have to understand, you can’t. It’s been your dream ever since we saw that match between Argentina and Japan, do you remember what you said to me? He asked.
Oikawa never forgot, but he wished that he had because if he did, maybe this moment would have never happened. “I said that I’m going to play on the Argentinian National Team,” he answered, looking away from Iwaizumi’s eyes to stare at the rough bark behind them.
Iwaizumi was right, he had to go, but all he wanted to do right now is stay.
Oikawa moved away from Iwaizumi and stood up, he turned to stare at the lake and the ducks swimming in it. He could hear Iwaizumi packing up the remaining food and blanket behind him. When Iwaizumi finished, he turned to him and reached out to hold his hand. They walked together back to the museum where Iwaizumi parked his car, and they headed back to Oikawa’s house so they could pick up his bags.
The car ride back to Oikawa’s childhood home was quiet, but it lacked the tension that seemed to hang over the day. It was hard to describe how he felt, it was sad, but the sadness was almost comforting. The drive home felt like his final goodbye, to the trees, the road, to the dog who lives in the house on the corner, to the blue door on Iwaizumi’s house that he’s walked through thousands of times, and his own home. Iwaizumi held his hand through the car ride, rubbing comforting circles with his thumb.
When they arrived, Iwaizumi exited the car first and walked up to Oikawa’s door.
Oikawa stayed in the car for a moment, closing his eyes and taking in one breath and another. Trying to memorize what the inside of Hajime’s car smelled like, cinnamon and leather. He tried to memorize what the leather seats felt like, cold and smooth, always comforting on a summer day. It wasn’t the car he wanted to remember, but the memories inside it, with Hajime driving them to school in the winters and taking him on dates to Tokyo. He let one more breath of air pass before he turned to make his way out of the car.
He avoided the concerned look on Iwaizumi’s face and moved to unlock the door. Oikawa had only two suitcases, a carry-on and a large one with clothes and some of his possessions. Most of his stuff was packed into boxes and already on its way to Argentina. He didn’t know how long he would be there, maybe three years or eight, or even longer than that. He would have to create a new life there, away from his family, friends, and boyfriend. Oikawa hoped that he and Iwaizumi would last that long, and maybe after Iwa-chan graduates, he would come to Argentina and live with him there.
Iwaizumi pulled the black suitcase away from Oikawa and carried it out the door and into the trunk of his car. Oikawa smiled, Hajime was always incredibly stubborn, and he should have expected that he wouldn’t even allow him to take his suitcase. Oikawa grabbed the smaller bag and put it into the backseat of the car.
Iwaizumi sat behind the steering wheel again, now on their way to the airport. The sun was now almost completely gone from the sky; It was still too bright to see any stars. Oikawa hoped that he would be able to see at least one more star from Japan before he left so that he could say goodbye to them too. It wouldn’t be fair to say goodbye to the fake stars and not the real ones. He knew that technically he wouldn't be leaving these stars. He was only going to Argentina, not another galaxy. Argentina wasn’t in a different galaxy, but it did feel like it’s own planet. It was farther away than he had ever gone. He had lived in Japan his entire life; he grew up in one town that he went to elementary, middle, and high school in. And all his friends lived in this town too, and his boyfriend even lived next door. Argentina might as well have been a planet in a galaxy far away from the one he grew up in.
“Oikawa, you promise you’ll try to call every night, right?” Iwaizumi asks when they stop at a light.
“Of course, as long as you promise to visit? And you let me pay for the plane ticket.”
Iwaizumi frowned at the last condition but didn’t argue back. Oikawa knew that he would want to pay for himself, but Iwaizumi would be going to school and working a part-time job, and as a professional athlete, Oikawa would be earning a lot more money.
They arrived at the airport, with still a couple of hours to spare. They made their way inside and waited in line to check in his bags before Oikawa could go to the gate of his plane, alone.
Oikawa felt as if he was in a daze. He let Iwaizumi handle the bags while he stared off at the exit. He was only a couple of steps away from the doors.
Iwaizumi dragged Oikawa away, towards the gate that would take him closer to the plane and farther away from his home.
“Oikawa.”
“Oikawa.”
“Tōru,” Iwaizumi called to him, reaching out to grasp his hands and pull them closer to him.
“I don’t want to leave,” he whispered back, trying to pull Iwaizumi towards the exit. There were so many things he loved here. He didn’t want to leave the stars, the ducks, the blue door. He didn’t want to leave Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi let out a choked laugh, “Yes, you do.”
And as always, he was right. Oikawa wanted to leave, he wanted to get on that plane, and he wanted to play volleyball again to set the ball to his team, know precisely what each of them wanted, and throw a ball that would allow them to hit it past the blockers. He wanted to leave, but he didn’t want to leave everything he loved behind.
He hugged Iwaizumi, wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him closer. He could feel Iwaizumi’s hands grasp the back of his shirt. He wanted to be closer to him, so he held him even tighter. This felt like his home. It was stable, strong when he couldn’t be, warm when he was cold. And Hajime always smelled like Cinnamon and hints of Sandalwood.
He pulled away reluctantly, his eyes pinched with unshed tears, “I love you,” he whispered to him, pressing his forehead against his boyfriend.
“I love you,” he whispered again, this time in response to Iwaizumi breathing out the same words.
Oikawa closed his eyes and allowed himself to take a long breath of air, Cinnamon. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice was gone, so he tried again. It came out shaky and weak, “I have to go, or else I’m going to start crying, and I don’t think I will be able to stop.”
He pulled away from the hug and instead held onto Iwaizumi’s hands. Squeezing them once before letting go.
“Wait, Tōru, I have something for you,” Iwaizumi called out frantically, sliding the bag off his shoulders and ruffling through the pockets. He pulled out a white envelope and pressed it into Oikawa’s palms, “Promise me, open it on the plane, not before.”
Oikawa held the envelope to his chest, promising Iwaizumi to open it later, and he turned around and made his way to the gates.
Oikawa walked through security, gripping the envelope tightly until he was told he had to let go. He put it in the bin, watching as it disappeared and appeared after being scanned. He briefly wondered if the scanners could see the envelope’s contents and see the words that Iwaizumi had written.
He retrieved the envelope along with his bag and made his way to the gate to wait for his plane. He stared at the envelope, it was open, he could see what was inside now, but he made a promise. So instead, he let his fingertips trace the edges of the paper, and he closed his eyes, replaying the day spent with Hajime in his memories.
He opened his eyes when he felt movement around him, it was time to board the plane, and Oikawa almost missed it, too wrapped up in his thoughts.
He got in line and gripped the letter tightly between his fingers, scared that in the movement and chaos, someone might bump into him, and he would lose the letter.
Oikawa boarded the plane and placed his bag in the compartment above. In minutes the plane was packed and already moving on the runway. He stared at the window up to the sky and watched the cluster of stars that had appeared while he was indoors. He smiled as the plane took off, and he was in the air, taking him closer to the clouds and the stars that were thousands of miles away.
Oikawa looked down at the envelope he held, and he pulled out the piece of paper and the words that the envelope hid from him.
The letter was only six words: Find your way home to me .
Oikawa cried, burning hot tears slipped down his face, and created puddles in his palms, and Oikawa felt like he was crying an ocean, and the salty tears streaking down his face would never stop.
He loved him, and he would never break that promise.
He was going to find his way home.
He was going to find his way back to Hajime.