Work Text:
Cardigan
Vintage tee, brand new phone, high heels on cobblestones…
It had been another fight. Another fight that had ended with slammed doors and started with a small disagreement, exploding into a screaming match. Now, she was walking resolutely down the street, the cold nipping at her arms and her tearstained cheeks. She wasn’t ever going back. Not ever, she hated it there, she was so unhappy ...
When you are young, they assume you know nothing.
Alya stomped her feet on the ground as she walked, rage pulsing through her veins. Marinette had been begging her to leave for some time now, telling her that they weren’t happy, and now Alya understood. She knew she was right- she knew it. How had she ever thought she and Nino could work? They weren’t the same anymore. They weren’t children.
She cursed, kicking at the fractured road in a fury. She’s been cruel, sure, but he had been angry first- he’d yelled at her for the stupidest little thing, and why was she supposed to change her opinion on that? It was stupid, that’s what it was.
Well, it was the last time. She wouldn’t be coming back, she wouldn’t be forgiving him this time. She was hurt and angry and heartbroken and she never wanted to see his face again.
But I knew you, dancin' in your Levi's, drunk under a streetlight…
Had she ever really been happy with him? No, she didn’t think she had been. She hated the anger inside of her, the burning madness that consumed her when she was with him. He brought out the worst in her, and she was done- she’d be free again.
She paused, recalling his pained face as she had stormed out. She’d really hurt him, hadn’t she? She knew her words had been harsh, and she’d burned him plenty of times before, but this time it was different. What had she said?
She winced as her words came back to her. She’d said he was holding her back, that she hated him, that he didn’t care about her…None of that was true.
The force of her lies hit her in the stomach, making her suddenly nauseous. What right did she have to say that? It was unkind, and it was cruel, and even if it were true, she was wrong to say that. She knew that.
I knew you- hand under my sweatshirt, Baby, kiss it better…
Truthfully, she didn’t want to leave. Even now, she felt her heart tugging her back to their shared apartment, to the doors that she slammed and the glasses that she’d broken. She wanted to go home, to the warmth she’d abandoned and the hate she’d spread. It was festering in their walls, she knew, corrupting their relationship, but she wanted to go back.
She sat down heavily on the curb, considering her options. If she went back, she’d be met with Nino’s warm smile, a hundred apologies, and a thousand kisses. She’d find herself in Nino’s arms and it would be like the fight never happened- they’d be dancing around the rips and tears in their relationship again.
If she kept walking, though, she’d be free of that- of the pain, of the anger and the sadness. She’d find a place with Marinette, and she’d find someone else, maybe.
When you are young, they assume you know nothing...
She wanted to go back.
But, no- she stood, continuing on her way. She knew they were wrong for each other- it was clearest when they were apart like this, and she was still angry and hurt, and she didn’t look at his face and see the fourteen-year-old she had originally fallen in love with. She knew they were wrong for each other.
Besides, what would Marinette say? She’d be furious and heartbroken for her, probably. Marinette had been begging her for weeks to get out of the relationship- she’d seen how Alya had changed, she said, and she saw how angry and sad she was.
Alya had snapped at her, asking her how she was fit to give relationship advice when she’d been pining over the same boy who didn’t give a damn about her for years.
Marinette had teared up and left, running from Alya. Alya still felt bad about it- would Marinette forgive her for it if she kept walking?
Alya hoped so.
But I knew you- playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends…
Still, her thoughts roamed back to Nino, who was probably sitting silently in their apartment, or crying, or waiting for her to come back. She didn’t want to think about it, but she couldn’t help it- it was always so good when they were apologizing to each other. It was almost like she’d always wanted their love to be; it was like the first years of their relationship, when they were still in Lycee, when they loved each other so fiercely and purely that they didn’t have issues to work out. It was just them against the world, and that’s what she loved- their perfect harmony as they just let themselves love . But now it was them against each other, and she hated it.
She would give anything to go back to how they were.
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite…
Back then, he’d always been able to make her feel so good . It was incredible, really, and one of his many talents- she didn’t like most compliments, but he found away to quietly make her feel as if she was soaring and falling, all at once. She wasn’t as confident without him by her side- she needed him to keep her sane.
But it wasn’t like that mattered anyway, did it? Because she was mad with or without him, it seemed. So wasn’t it better that she just spared him the pain of being with her?
You drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleedin'...
He used to heal her. Why couldn’t they go back to that? They were broken, their relationship torn to shreds, but they could repair it! They could restart! She loved him. That’s all she knew, that’s all she needed to know.
If she loved him, they could make it work. They had to make it work because they loved each other. Alya had done everything she set her mind to- why couldn’t she do this?
I knew you; tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy…
No, they could make it work. There was no obstacle in the world Alya couldn’t conquer, and besides, she loved the boy. She loved him with everything in her heart, and that love just… consumed her, sometimes, in fits of rage or passion. She loved him, and they’d be alright. They had to be.
But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss… I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs…
Maybe she should keep walking. She was on a precipice, she realized, and if she turned around she’d go all the way back, into Nino’s waiting arms. She wouldn’t leave again until their next (inevitable) fight, and she’d be condemning herself to more misery, but… what if she didn’t go back? What if she kept on walking and lost the relationship she’d cultivated for years? What if she lost the one person who loved her?
The smell of smoke would hang around this long, 'Cause I knew everything when I was young...
Besides, who was Marinette or anyone else to tell her anything about her relationship, anyway? She knew it best- she knew it’s ins and outs and it’s failures and successes. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but she knew better than anyone that she loved Nino, no matter how often they burned each other with their passion.
She knew, logically, that going back to him was a bad idea. But all she wanted right now was to see his face, to kiss away his tears, to hold his hand and listen to his voice… Her anger earlier was unjustified. She’d had horrible thoughts, horrible thoughts about leaving him forever, but those were borne in anger and pain. She regretted them now. Nino was hers, and she was Nino’s, and that was the end of it.
She stalled on the sidewalk, mulling everything over. Yes, she loved Nino, and she wanted him, and needed him, and she wouldn’t survive without him. Yes, there was no other option. She couldn’t even remember why she’d been so angry in the first place. It was wrong of her, so wrong…
For just a moment, she could see her position clearly. She could keep walking, leave the painful relationship behind and start over, find someone new to love her better than Nino. She could find new happiness and break off the thing that had been plaguing her for years now.
Or, she could turn around and fall back into the arms of the person she (thought) she loved.
Alya loved Nino.
And you'd come back to me… And you'd come back…
Closing her eyes, she turned around, making her way back to their apartment. Just for now, she thought, I’ll stay, just for now.
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite...