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There was a chill in the air as the candle by his bedside fluttered. Although it never snowed in Camelot, Arthur couldn’t help but wish that it did. The cold caress of the winds always seemed to make the fire in his heart burn brighter he had noticed, and so he knew that snow would’ve made it infinitely warmer inside. There weren’t many things that did that.
To be very honest, Arthur thought, after everything, there was only one thing that warmed his heart anymore. Well, one person. One tall, gangly, surprisingly fit, odd-looking, terrible manservant of his – Merlin. Despite their constant butting of heads, Arthur had grown very fond of him, the admiration bordering dangerously close to love. Most of the people around him were bootlickers, so Merlin’s lack of verbal filter was a refreshing and most welcome change he came to accept. Not that Arthur would ever tell Merlin this. He was absolutely rubbish at words. Actions though were his strong forte.
So this year, Arthur was absolutely certain to gift something worthwhile to him. Last Yuletide, he had given Merlin a day off but even then, Merlin didn’t leave his side. Clearly, that was not the right decision. No, Arthur needed to make more of an effort to show his idiot of a manservant how much he cared for him.
He stood in front of the window in his chambers, watching the citizens of Camelot scramble by in the Citadel. He caught sight of Gwen and immediately, an idea sprang to his mind.
---
“It’s really not that complicated, Arthur,” Guinevere explained, her fingers working through the fabric with ease, “It’s through the hole, under the knot, and up and over.”
Arthur’s fingers fumbled over the fine thread, and he managed to make a perfect knot over his own fingers. He frowned, holding the finger in front of him, and tapping Gwen on the shoulder to ask for help. When Gwen saw that, she laughed till her sides hurt, which only deepened his scowl. After she calmed down, which took a longer time than expected, she untangled the crimson thread from his fingers.
“I can always make it and give it to you, my lord,” she said, knocking a knowing eyebrow at him after an entire candle had gone and there were only failed efforts.
He shook his head, “No, I’ll make it. It’s my gift. Let’s try again.”
She only shook her head at his stubbornness and grabbed the needles again for another try.
They spent an entire day side-by-side, learning and laughing. Despite her rejecting his courting, Arthur held no grudges towards her or her lover, Lancelot. He was truly happy for them. And he was happy that the air was free of the initial awkwardness and avoidance. It was rare for a King to have friends, especially those who were not noble, so he held the ones he had close and was glad that Gwen and Lancelot were in that circle.
When he slipped into his chambers that night, he was proud of himself, for he finally knew how to knit. The smile on his face did not go unnoticed by Merlin.
“Good day, sire?” he asked, setting his dinner in front of him before sitting down and grabbing a piece of bread himself. Arthur looked pointedly at him, to which Merlin only shrugged as a response. Arthur didn’t mind, obviously. But one had to keep up appearances, even in front of their servants, lest his true feelings be shown.
He leaned back on his chair and said, “You could say that.” He noticed Merlin’s stance stiffen slightly, and if Arthur weren’t paying attention, he was sure he wouldn’t have noticed.
“Yeah? Where were you? I didn’t see you all day,” Merlin asked, his face masked of emotion, and yet, Arthur sensed the brief worry and curiosity in the raven’s eyes. He felt his lips pull up in a smirk as he reached for his food, “Why, did you miss me, Mer lin?”
Merlin gave a hollow laugh, “It may have escaped your notice, sire , but I am your manservant. Tending to your needs is pretty much my entire job.”
“I can manage without you, you know,” he said, except it sounded more like, ‘Iahnmahaewiouyoo’ because his mouth was stuffed with food. This time, Merlin gave a true laugh, almost choking in the process.
Arthur swallowed and glared at him, shutting him up quickly.
“ Anyway ,” he stressed, eager to move on from the topic, “I have a list of chores for you for tomorrow. I won’t be available tomorrow as well. There is an important task I need to do.”
“And what might that be, my lord?”
“None of your business, Mer lin,” he glared at him again, hoping the idiot would take the hint. Merlin simply stood up, brushing off the crumbs, and when he looked at Arthur again, he noticed a hardness in the other man’s eyes. A pool of guilt began to form in his stomach at the faint look of hurt in his servant’s face.
“Merlin,” he sighed, reaching out, but Merlin simply stepped back, a formality in his approach. Arthur cursed himself internally. He truly is a prat.
“It’s a meeting regarding the Yuletide celebrations. There are a few announcements, and I need to discuss them with the council. I want it to be a surprise, and that’s why I cannot tell you more, Merlin,” he said, looking into his eyes, and hoped Merlin would see the truth behind his words. It was true, after all, in a way. And thankfully, Merlin accepted that. He nodded, his body visibly relaxing.
“So no day off tomorrow?” he asked, his mischief glinting in his blue eyes again. Arthur laughed, patting himself on the back mentally. With the air cleared between them, he could focus on his gift without any guilt.
---
As the day of celebrations approached, he worked harder on his gift. Gwen was extremely patient with him, and on some days, Lancelot also joined them. The three of them would work together and later sit in front of the fire and relax. Some days, Arthur would resume his normal duties and work on the gift at night, the warm flames in his chambers illuminating the needles and fabric in his hands. And during those days, he would seek out Merlin’s company whenever he could. If Merlin minded, Arthur was confident Merlin would let him know since he always spoke his mind. So it was comforting to know that the man he was pining for enjoyed his company as much as he did his.
The night before the Yuletide celebrations, he stumbled into his chambers, ready to collapse in his bed. After a long day of work, he had finally finished the gift. As he carefully placed the present in his cupboard, the door opened. He slammed the cupboard door close, spinning around to find Merlin staring at him with narrowed eyes. Of course, it was him. He was the only one who never bothered to knock.
“Will you ever learn to knock, Mer lin?” he snapped, even though there was no bite in his remark.
“What’re you hiding?” Merlin took a step forward, tilting his head as he appeared to analyze Arthur. The latter rolled his eyes and walked to the raven, trying to look as least suspicious as possible.
“Nothing! Something for tomorrow, for the celebrations, that’s all,” he said. His eyes only then rounded to Merlin’s perfect hands, which were holding a rolled parchment. He gestured towards them, “What’s that?”
It was the right question to ask, as Merlin’s focus got averted from what Arthur was desperately trying to hide. He held the parchment out for Arthur to grab and rubbed his neck with the other hand.
“It’s your speech for tomorrow. Obviously, I have no clue about the announcement, which you’ll yourself have to write. But apart from that, I’ve written the usual outline of it for you,” he said, a surprising red coating his cheeks. Arthur raised his eyebrows at that, which only seemed to intensify Merlin’s obvious blush.
“There’s no need, Merlin, I’ve written my own speech this year.”
“Oh,” Merlin said, eyes downcast, appearing hurt for a moment before he put on his rigid stance again and asked with a hopeful tone, “I don’t suppose I can proofread it for you?”
Arthur shook his head, “No, it’s supposed to be a surprise, remember?” Merlin nodded and clutched his speech closer to himself.
“In that case, will that be all, sire?” he asked, a resigned look on his face. Arthur wanted nothing more than to take Merlin into his arms and tell him how much he valued him, but he couldn’t. Not yet. So he nodded.
Merlin walked towards the door and turned around, hand on the knob, and said, “Goodnight, my lord.”
“Goodnight, Merlin,” Arthur smiled at him, hoping he would see that he had no ill-intent towards him. Merlin gave a light smile of his own before slipping out. Arthur got into his bed and let sleep take over him. That night, he dreamed of blue eyes and soft smiles.
---
The celebrations were in full swing on Yule, with nobles and servants both enjoying themselves. He caught sight of Gwen and Lancelot dancing to the sweet music and smiled to himself. Gwaine’s loud laugh echoed from the other side of the room, where he and Percival seemed to share an inside joke. Even Elyan and Leon were snickering among themselves, drunk from the wine, their faces flushed. No, Arthur’s eyes were searching for someone else.
He scanned the room and finally saw Merlin, holding the jar of wine and engaging in what looked like a lively conversation with one of the servants, who Arthur recognized as Thea. He had a wide smile on his face as he spoke freely, and they shared a laugh. Something warm bloomed inside Arthur’s chest, looking at him enjoying himself. Thea responded to him before one of the nobles beckoned her over for more wine, and she gave an apologetic look to Merlin as she walked away. Merlin simply nodded with a smile on his face and turned his face, only to catch Arthur openly looking at him. He beamed at him from across the room, and Arthur was sure his face held a similar grin. His yearning only seemed to intensify.
Arthur nodded to him and walked to the balcony, hoping Merlin would get the hint and follow him. He was not disappointed. Thankfully, Merlin had placed the jar of wine on a table on his way out. Arthur leaned on the wall, looking up at the sky. Merlin stood next to him, their shoulders brushing lightly, and he felt his gaze on him.
“When will you be making the surprise announcement, sire?” he asked, an easy smile on his face.
Arthur’s heart beat loudly in his chest. This was it. It was time. He hoped Merlin couldn’t hear his heart because that would be very embarrassing. He felt his cheeks grow warm, and the thudding in his heart seemed to only get louder. He looked inside - everyone was oblivious to his situation. He drew a breath.
“Right now.”
Arthur turned to look at Merlin, who held a confused look, his blue eyes sparkling brightly under the full moon. He brought his own hand up to rub his neck, embarrassed.
“What is it?” Merlin asked softly.
“Well, I just wanted to say, um,” Arthur stuttered, still feeling too shy. But he needed to do this. So he continued, “You’re one of the most important persons in my life, Merlin. To say you’re the bravest man I know would be an understatement. From the moment we met, you’ve been by my side through thick and thin. And you know I value your opinion above everyone else’s. So, what I’m trying to say is, um, well…”
Sapphire eyes pierced his soul as he trailed off and reached inside his armor, where he had placed his gift.
“Happy Yule,” he whispered and placed the soft cloth in Merlin’s hands. Merlin looked shocked at the scarlet fabric in his hands, and he unraveled it.
“Arthur… Is this a scarf?” he trailed off, unable to form words. Arthur simply rubbed his neck and looked at him nervously. His face got warmer with every passing second. Would he like it? Would he laugh at him? He was going to laugh at him, wasn’t he? This was a stupid idea. He should’ve stuck with giving him a day off. What was he thinking? He-
His thoughts were cut off when Merlin flung himself at him, arms wound tightly around him. It took Arthur a second to realize that Merlin was hugging him, and carefully wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist.
He didn’t realize how long they stood like that, embracing each other, relaxing in the warmth. His nose was pressed in Merlin’s hair. Lavender, he realized. That’s what Merlin smelled like. When they stepped back, he noticed Merlin did not take his arms off. His hands were still around Arthur’s neck, and Arthur’s hands held his waist, rubbing circles in his tunic.
“Did you make it yourself?” Merlin asked, searching his eyes for an answer. He simply nodded because his throat had dried up with Merlin so close to him. Merlin’s eyes softened.
“Is this why you disappeared every day? To make me a gift?” he asked, his breath on Arthur’s lips, even though his eyes never left his. Arthur nodded, still not trusting himself to speak. He was confident Merlin could hear his heartbeat at this proximity.
“Why? I mean, I love it, I do, but why put so much effort for me?”
“It’s really not that complicated,” he whispered, as his eyes dipped to Merlin’s lips. He saw the other man’s eyes fall to his lips.
“It’s not?” Merlin asked, eyes still trained on Arthur’s lips. He gulped and noticed the raven’s eyes fall to his throat. His next words were barely audible to him as he said, “No.”
The next thing he knew, Merlin was leaning forward, and he was leaning forward, and their lips were brushing lightly, sending a tingle down Arthur’s spine. It was dangerous, knowing how visible they were to everyone inside the room. But he didn’t care.
“I love you,” he said and closed the distance between them.
He had heard that first kisses were perfect. This wasn’t perfect. There was an awkward fumbling, with their noses in the way, and teeth clashing, but, Arthur didn’t want it any other way, because, after a moment of clumsy pecking, they caught a rhythm, as their tongues danced, and sparks lit under Arthur’s skin. They fell in a comfortable trance, enjoying each other’s warmth and solace.
They broke apart after what seemed like a century, and even then, they didn’t break apart fully. Merlin’s forehead rested on Arthur’s as he opened his eyes to stare at the man in front of him. When the raven opened his eyes, it wasn’t blue orbs that stared at him. It was golden, with flecks of yellow and brown swirling like fire in his eyes. Magic.
But Arthur couldn’t get himself to be angry. Or hurt. When he searched inside, he only found acceptance. And love, of course. This was his lover, his sorcerer. And he loved him with all his heart and soul.
“I love you, too, you clotpole,” Merlin grinned at him. Arthur could barely register the cheers echoing from inside as he covered his lover’s lips again.