Chapter Text
Today are days when the only reason Jean gets out of bed is because he doesn’t want to face the punishment that will come if he doesn’t. He goes through the motions of being a person, when the team scrimmages he plays leaving no room for error. When Coach Rhemann pulls him aside at the end of practice he makes a comment on Jean’s footwork then slaps him across the back to get him moving towards the locker room. Jean walks away braced for a hit that does not come.
That night Jeremy is the only one to notice when Jean hurtles out of bed late at night and empties his stomach of what little he had eaten. Jeremy waits for Jean to have had a moment to collect himself then he enters the dorm's small kitchen. As he gets out the kettle he makes just enough noise for it to be clear he is there.
The first time it happened Jeremy had offered Jean hot chocolate and he had refused. “I don’t like chocolate, it has too many calories.” Jeremy hadn’t understood, for the most part he still doesn’t. Jean is strong and athletic, and maybe the best backliner Jeremy has ever met. Jean is also beautiful and Jeremy knows that the almost insignificant number of calories in a hot chocolate wouldn’t change that, he knows that no number of calories could but Jeremy knows when to push and when not to so the next time he went shopping he bought a box of mint tea.
Now whenever Jean wakes up from a nightmare Jeremy makes the tea and sets Jean’s mug on the table near the couch and waits for Jean to join him. When Jean finally does, taking a seat on the couch cushion farthest away from Jeremy, Jeremy speaks up, “Do you want to talk about what happened, talk about something unrelated, or not talk?”
Jean opens and closes his mouth. The problem with being asked questions after so long without options is that Jean is always a little bit terrified he will discover there is a wrong answer, “Can we just sit here?”
“Sure. Tv?” Jean nods, so Jeremy clicks on the next episode of Gossip Girls (they had started watching it when Jeremy learned Jean had never seen it).
After about an hour has passed Jean speaks, “He, I, I thought he was going to hit me,”
Jeremy frowns, “He wouldn’t do that,”
“It’s, I mean, I, I know but it’s what the, Tetsuji would have done, I know I’m not there anymore, but sometimes I still am, I know it’s, that I’m safe here but sometimes I’m not here and I don’t know how to get back.” Jean takes a shuddering breath, “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Jeremy is just sitting there, he never presses, he never asks for more than Jean can give. Jean just listens to Jeremy, the sound of his breath, his heartbeat.
“I don’t know how to help you,” Jeremy pauses, “I don’t know what to do other than remind you that you're here now Jean,” The way Jeremy says his name is so gentle, like he knows how close to breaking Jean is and all Jean can do is stare at him. “Jean, you got out. You are never going back.”
Jean nods slowly. When they have both finished their tea Jeremy grabs the mugs and they go back to bed. Neither of them get much sleep but Jean is breathing easily again.
Things aren’t good but for the first time in a while they’re ok. For now that’s enough.