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“I’m sorry it has to end this way, brother.”
“No, you’re not.”
Azula and her brother stood, face to face, toe to toe, skill to skill. There was a tangible tension in the air as they stared at one another; this was always meant to be.
Flashes of fire- both blue and orange - grazed the sky in streaks of light. They illuminated the courtyard. The heat was insurmountable; it was barely palatable as the fighting went on. It slowly became more intense. More severe. More deadly.
“No lightning today? What’s the matter? Afraid I’ll redirect it?” Zuko seemed calm and collected, but angry. He had the right to be angry.
“Oh, I’ll show you lightning!” There was a flash of brightest blue, a crack in the sky-
And Azula woke up.
Azula sat straight up in her bed, breathing heavily. She looked around in a sleepy haze.
Her room was mostly dark with a tiny amount of sunlight creeping in; it was nearly dawn. Azula hadn’t been able to sleep a whole night through ever since she had gotten to Ember Island. Still, she had to admit, anywhere was better than the hellhole she was originally stationed in. The medicines, the padded rooms, the straitjackets… The princess shuddered.
After the war, she had been sent to an asylum, and it had been a living hell. When Zuko found out the way she had been treated there, though, he moved her to stay in her family’s old Ember Island house. It was nicer here- peaceful, even, and Azula had been getting better. “I have been getting better,” she said out loud to herself.
Azula looked at her hands. They were shaking; they never used to shake before. The simple fact of the matter was that nothing had been the same since the war ended. Now, she had no throne, no following… no friends. It was a harrowing reality - it was Azula’s reality. But maybe, just maybe, that would change today.
Today, Ty Lee came to Ember Island.
To say that Azula was nervous for her best friend’s visit would be the understatement of a lifetime.
Even the idea of seeing Ty Lee after all this time made her heart pump and her palms sweat. She had rearranged the furniture in the living room three times (and each time had equally hated the look of it), she had worried herself sick thinking about the finest details; what outfit to wear, which tea to have, what kind of snacks to bring out… There was no stopping this endless wave of worries Azula was riding on.
Getting out of her bed at last, Azula stretched her muscles out. They ached with every move because of her lack of sleep. She crossed to the large mirror beside her dresser and stared into it.
The girl in the mirror… that wasn’t her. It was some sad, pale, pathetic looking wuss. Azula grabbed her hairbrush off her dresser, trying not to think about the last time she had stood, vulnerable, in front of a mirror. She shuddered, but started to brush out her hair anyway.
There was an outfit pre-set on the chair beside her bed. Azula begrudgingly slipped into it, feeling every fiber of the soft, silk material. She was as ready as she ever would be- and good thing, too. Outside, the sound of a steamship’s horn echoed across the entire beach.
A deep breath in… An exhale out. A deep breath in… An exhale out.
Walking timidly down the stairs into the entryway of her big vacation house, Azula followed these steps over and over until her heart rate went down. She couldn’t show fear; not in front of someone who had seen her at her worst. There was a knock at the front door, and Azula hesitantly went to open it.
There was barely enough time to say hi before Azula was greeted with the tightest hug she had ever experienced.
“Zula!” squealed a voice Azula knew all too well.
At first, the hug was awkward and one-sided. It had been ages since anyone had hugged Azula, and it felt foreign, almost like something forbidden. Eventually, though, Azula relaxed enough into the hug to pat her friend’s back. “Ty Lee,” sighed Azula, relief rolling off her in waves.
Ty Lee pulled away from their hug. “How are you? What have you been doing? Oh, I’ve missed you so much, let’s go sit down and talk.”
There was so much happening- Azula didn’t really know what to do. She hesitated. “Uh- maybe we can have some… some tea?” she asked awkwardly.
“I would love some tea, thanks!” Ty Lee sat in a chair and looked expectantly at Azula.
“I’ll go… make it, then,” began Azula, shuffling out of the room. She tried her best to act natural, to seem composed, to seem better, but her body was failing. As she filled her ceramic teapot with water, her hands shook, despite her best efforts to stop them. Once the water had heated and the leaves had steeped for long enough, Azula made her way back into the living room with two cups and the teapot. Ty Lee was staring at Azula with wide eyes, and she didn’t know why.
“So-” began the two girls at the same time. They both paused, and Ty Lee giggled.
“You go first,” said Azula choppily.
“Tell me everything about life here! Your training, relaxing on the beach-” Ty Lee raised an eyebrow cheekily, “-cute boys…”
Azula shook her head, expressionless. “No cute boys,” she said, “and no training, either. Prince Zuko doesn’t think I’m ready for that yet. And the beach…”
“You’re bored, aren’t you?” replied Ty Lee. “You never were good at doing nothing. You always had to be doing something… I admire that about you, Zu.”
“You… Admire it?”
“Yeah! You always got so much done. It’s incredible!” Ty Lee’s smile was completely unwavering. She was obviously so happy to be here… But why? Azula didn’t understand. Why didn’t Ty Lee hate her guts?
“Ty..” began Azula, “I… I’m glad you are here, but I must know… Why don’t you - you know - hate me?”
Ty Lee looked thoroughly confused. “I don’t hate you,” she said softly. “I could never hate you. I love you.”
Azula’s entire being froze on the spot, and her full cup of tea clattered to the floor. She was nearly seventeen- seventeen -and never before had someone said those three words to her. Not even bothering to pick up her stray teacup, Azula swallowed hard. Love. What did that even mean? “You…you love me?”
“Well of course I do, silly,” tittered the acrobat, picking up Azula’s cup and setting it on the table between the two girls. “you’re my best friend.”
In spite of herself, Azula found her eyes pricking with tears. She did her best to hold them back. “I’ve never been told that. Never in my life.”
Ty Lee’s gaze went soft, and she stretched out her hand to put it on top of Azula’s; another gesture the princess wasn’t used to. “Nobody’s ever…”
“No,” Azula said quickly. She wasn’t sure if she could stand hearing it again. “Not since I was a very small child.”
“I’m sorry,” groveled Ty Lee, “If it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t say it again, I-”
“No!” burst out Azula, cutting Ty Lee off, “no, I like it when you say it. I just.. Emotional connection can be hard for me.” She blushed a rosy pink as she spoke.
“Well… It’s true. I do love you. You’re the best friend a girl like me could ever have!”
There was a tense silence following this statement. Ty Lee cleared her throat. “Am I… your best friend?” she asked timidly.
“Of course! Who else?” Azula scratched her head out of nervousness.
There was a thick, tense silence before either of them spoke again.
“Lee… Can I ask you something?” asked Azula timidly.
“Of course!” replied the acrobat.
“What… what is love supposed to feel like?”
Ty Lee looked confused. She brushed her swooping bangs out of her eyes, rested her elbow on the table in front of her, and thought for a little bit. “Well,” she began, “It… It’s different for everyone, but for me…” The two girls’ eyes interlocked, and they didn’t dare break the contact, “for me, it’s like when I hug someone and they fit all my broken pieces together. It’s like a flower blooms inside my heart when I look at them.” Then, a rose-colored blush took over Ty Lee’s cheeks and she finally broke eye contact with Azula.
Princess Azula furrowed her eyebrows. She looked at Ty Lee, studying her face and the contours of her body. Something about that girl just felt right. Every time she was in the room, every step she took, every word she spoke made an impact (an exceptional one, at that) in Azula’s life. When she looked at the acrobat, she felt… peaceful. She felt like nothing could go wrong when they were together. She… She felt like a flower was blooming inside of her heart.
“When I look at you,” murmured Azula, “my heart feels like it’s swelling inside my chest.” She felt herself gravitating towards Ty Lee- like there was an invisible force pulling them together.
Ty Lee’s face softened, and she looked like she had been waiting to hear those words for her entire life. “Zula,” whispered the acrobat, leaning forward until the two girls were almost nose to nose, “that swelling inside your chest,” their foreheads touched, and the room seemed to grow ten degrees warmer, “that’s love.”
Ty Lee kissed Azula.
For a moment, the world was perfect, and the two girls kissed, happy as can be. But in an instant, Azula’s thoughts crept in. No, no- this couldn’t be love. This was all wrong- this was illegal in their country. Same-sex relationships are wrong and illegal. Besides, Azula’s father had claimed to love her, and look where that had gotten her: in a straitjacket and a padded room for two years straight. No, that wasn’t love - and this couldn’t be, either. Love is a lie , thought Azula painfully to herself. She pulled away from the kiss immediately. “What was that?!” Azula yelled, standing up and nearly knocking over the chair she had been sitting in.
Ty Lee’s eyes went wide. “I- I thought-”
“Ty Lee- no- I just, I can’t do that!” Azula felt like her throat was closing up. She backed away from where she had been standing. When she looked at Ty Lee, the acrobat had tears in her eyes that were starting to stream down her face. The sight was a pathetic one.
“I don’t even- I haven’t even figured out what’s happening in my own brain, Ty Lee! The day I fought Zuko, the day it all happened-” She took deep breaths, trying to calm her heart down and to keep tears out of her eyes, “-I hallucinated ! I saw my mother in the mirror behind me, and… I’ve been seeing her everywhere since! I don’t…” The tears finally broke through. “I could hurt you so badly, Lee, I really could!”
“But I know what’s happening in my heart,” Ty Lee protested, sniffling, “and I think it’s happening in yours, too, if you would just let me in!”
“I don’t even know what love is yet,” Both girls’ yelling was getting louder and louder. “How can something be in my heart if I don’t even know what it is?”
The silence in the living room was deafening.
“I’m sorry,” whispered Ty Lee, taking a step towards Azula, “I was being insensitive. But… can I at least try to help you figure it out?”
Azula considered this. “Maybe… maybe it would be beneficial to have your help,” she stated in a blocky sort of tone.
“Okay,” Ty Lee began, looking like she was thinking rather hard, “think of love like Firebending, or fighting in general.” She took a fighting stance in the middle of Azula’s living room. “Before you get to the specifics, you have to learn the basic forms.” She demonstrated a very basic punch, and Azula followed her lead. “First, there’s family love. That’s what most family members have for each other, like Zuko and you. The reason he got you out of that horrible psych ward was because he had love for you- family love.”
Azula nodded. This made much more sense than any feelings ever had.
Ty Lee smiled wide and took another basic fighting stance. “Next, there’s friend love.”
“Like me, Mai, and you,” interjected Azula, hoping to get the answer right.
The other girl’s smile fell slightly. “Like you and Mai, and Mai and me, yes.”
She took a deep breath, as though readying herself for something unpleasant.
Azula was slightly confused- were they not best friends? Did they not have friend love for each other? But she buried the questions deep down- rapt attention is needed for any successful lesson.
“Last,” Ty Lee took a third, separate fighting stance, “Is romantic love.”
Azula’s stomach fell. This is the one she had been dreading but the one she knew would come.
“Romantic love is… different from the other loves. It’s more complicated and more unique. It doesn’t happen every day.” Ty Lee dropped her fighting stance and looked at Azula. “I’ve felt romantic love,” she said softly, fidgeting her fingers, “I’ve felt it for years for someone who never really felt it back.”
Azula felt a stab to her heart, but all she managed to say was “Oh.”
“I know it’s illegal,” breathed Ty Lee, “but Zuko is in charge now, and he can change that law. He’d change the law for you, Zula. You know he would.”
The Princess’s mind was racing. What was Ty Lee trying to say? “I… I don’t understand, Ty. What are you saying?”
Ty Lee sighed in frustration. “Don’t you get it?” Ty Lee looked at Azula with pleading eyes. “I love you. I always have.”
Azula got it, but her heart was conflicted. “My mother always told me that I would eventually find a nice boy and love him. But I’ve never loved a boy- I’ve never loved anyone.” She looked at Ty Lee for a minute before walking over to her and caressing her cheek. “Not like I love you.”
Tears welled in Ty Lee’s eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. “You love me?” she whispered in a thick, tear-filled voice.
“I love you,” confirmed Azula. “If I hadn’t gotten better than I was, I would never have known, but… I love you, Ty Lee. I love you!”
The acrobat threw her arms around Azula’s neck, hugging her tightly, and Azula felt exactly what Ty Lee had described: all of her broken pieces fit back into place. A flower bloomed inside of her heart. At that moment, on Ember Island, without any warning, Azula finally realized what it felt like to be loved- and she would never, ever give it up.