Work Text:
d e a n
Dean had been to hell.
Dean has been dead, several times.
He’d dealt with more evil than any human should in a lifetime.
And yet.
He’d never been as broken as now.
Shattered.
He felt like he had lost everything.
Hope.
Love.
Everything.
All of it. Gone.
In the blink of an eye.
All of it, to an all-consuming dark emptiness.
Because the one he thought he could never have...
He could have had him all along. He’d just been too blind to see it, not brave enough to ever voice his feelings. He’d loved him all these years, but he’s kept quiet about it.
And now it was too late.
Cas was gone.
Dead.
Trapped in darkness.
Emptiness.
Returning to the bunker with Cas that night, Dean could not even imagine things turning out as they did. He’d rather Death have taken them both. Losing Cas like that was worse than them going out together.
He would have followed him if he could.
Had Cas not pushed him away.
Dean would have followed.
He couldn’t look Jack in the eyes.
He couldn’t talk to Sam.
Dean was so lost.
So, he drowned himself in alcohol. Drinking, drinking, drinking. Until he couldn’t feel a damn thing. Until he didn’t know a damn thing. Until he didn’t remember how to do anything, except pray. He spent the nights passed out on the floor somewhere in the bunker. Spent his mornings trying to find something that could help him. Spent his days drinking when he gave up after coming up with nothing.
Dean was lost.
So, all he did was pray. Not to any God. Not to any being. Not to any angel. But to him.
He prayed to him. Cas.
His Cas.
Jack and Sam tried too, tried to find something. But they never did. Dean couldn’t stand it anymore, the silence in the library. The weight on his shoulders pressing him down. The knowledge of how this was all his fault and he couldn’t do anything about it.
He should have followed him.
So, he did the one thing he knew he could do. He walked to the kitchen, pulling out another bottle of beer, sat down on the floor, and started drinking.
His mind wandering to the angel.
Pulled out another bottle of beer.
Sat down on the floor and started drinking again.
His mind screaming out the words he hadn’t said. Screaming them out in prayers.
Pulled out another bottle of beer.
Sat down on the floor and started drinking again.
I love you, too.
When he stood to get another beer, he found Sam standing in the doorway, staring at him with a sad look. He opened his mouth to say something, but Dean held up his hand to stop him. Dean turned his back to his brother and pulled out another bottle of beer, but when he sat down on the stairs by the door, Sam got himself a bottle too and joined him by the door.
After long moments of silence, as Sam was about to say something to him, Dean's phone started ringing. Pulling it from his pocket, the name on the screen made him stop breathing.
Cas.
Staring at the screen he thought he might be dreaming.
“Cas?”
«Dean, I’m here.» At the sound of Cas’s voice coming from his phone, his heart stopped beating. «I’m hurt... can you let me in?»
For a second, Dean sat there, frozen, too shocked to do anything. This didn’t make sense. How could Cas have gotten out? How was he here?
Dean's mind turned blank. This can’t be real. This has to be a trick.
But then all rational thoughts disappeared.
And then he was running.
Across the bunker.
Up the stairs.
Pausing for only a split second to catch his breath, Dean pushed the door open.
Drawing in a sharp breath, and as he opened the door, his green eyes searched out a pair of blue ones.
Cas.
He was there.
Standing in front of him.
Cas.
Alive.
Cas.
Without thinking, without waiting for another second, Dean threw himself at the angel. His arms locking around his neck, pulling the bloodied angel close.
Bringing their lips together, kissing his angel for the first time.
He didn’t care about anything else. Not his brother coming to the top of the stairs. Not Jack standing down by the war table wondering what was happening. Nothing mattered.
Crashing into him with his whole body, lips crashed against his own, Cas stumbled backward at the weight of Dean´s body pressing against him. His whole being frozen in surprise. But only for a second.
Dean felt the angel's arms around him, pulling him even closer.
Finally answering his kiss.
He could feel tears streaming down his face as he smiled into the kiss. Deepening the kiss and tightening his grip on the angel.
When he couldn’t breathe anymore, Dean pulled away, only to bury his head against his neck. He hugged him so close, so tight, that Cas stumbled another step backward, crashing into the wall behind him. Dean didn’t care if they’d fell down the stairs.
As long as he had Cas in his arms.
“Cas.” It was only a broken whisper on his lips as he released a breath against the angel's neck.
“Hello, Dean.” he felt, rather than heard the words whispered against his own neck.
I love you.
He wanted to scream the words, but no words fought it’s way past his lips.
I love you.
His hand gripped the back of his tan trench coat. He needed him closer.
I love you.
He didn’t know how to say the words.
But he didn’t have to.
“I love you too, Dean.” He hadn’t realized how loudly he’d screamed the words inside his head, but Cas heard him. The words that were only meant for him.
“Don’t you ever leave me again you sonofabitch!” The words should’ve sounded rough but they came out gently as Dean pulled back to look into the angel's eyes. “You hear me? I can’t lose you again.”
When Cas places a gentle hand against his face, Dean leans into the touch, his eyes fluttering close as Cas leans even closer.
Dean wished he could just stay here forever. In this little hallway, in Cas’s embrace, the world forgotten, but eventually his brother breaks the silence by clearing his throat. Reluctantly turning away from Cas’s lips, he shoots his brother an annoyed look. Raising his hands as if in surrender, Sam takes a step back from the door and heads down the stairs. When Dean turns back to watch Cas, he’s met with glassy eyes, and a small smile across his lips.
Dean cups his face, leaning their foreheads together. Actually enjoying the silence, he closes his eyes and gently brushes his lips against the other man’s. His other hand grabs his arm, but as he brushes against his elbow, Cas faintly groans as if in pain.
“Cas... are you hurt?” Dean pulls away quickly to look the angel over. He didn’t see the blood on his clothes before, or how he holds his arm in a weird way. The sight of blood on Cas makes Dean almost panic a little. “Is that your blood?”
“It’s not mine. I’m okay, but I think I might have hurt my elbow a little.” Cas looks down at his arm, carefully stretching it, wincing when he can’t hold it out.
“Come on, let’s get you checked up.”
Making sure he’s okay, he sits down beside Cas on the bed in the infirmary. Sam and Jack sits on the opposite bed, facing them, eager to ask Cas questions, but patiently waiting for Dean to make sure nothing is wrong, before daring to break the sparkling silence between the hunter and the angel.
“Dean, I’m okay, really.” Dean looks him over with skeptical eyes, the protectiveness clearly showing on his face. He reaches over and resting it against his thighs he takes Cas’s hand in his own, intertwining their fingers.
“Cas... how did you get out?” Sam finally asks, eyes locked on their interwoven fingers, a smile playing on his lips. Dean doesn’t care, he’s spent too long hiding his feelings for the angel. He’s never doing that again.
“Chuck. He came to get Lucifer out, so when he was fighting with the Shadow, I snuck out.”
“Chuck got Lucifer out of the empty? Why?” Jack asks with a puzzled look on his face. Just as confused as the others.
“I don’t know why... he’s probably going to use him against you, us, somehow.” He lets out a heavy sigh as he watches Jack. His son. Their son. “The Shadow got angry when Chuck appeared, and it refused to let anyone go, so they started fighting. Chuck woke up everyone, so I had to fight my way through the darkness, and then I somehow managed to sneak out, appearing just outside the bunker. I don’t think anyone else got out though... The Shadow only wanted to sleep, but as long as I was awake it couldn’t, and then Chuck came and made everything so much worse.”
“Wait... why weren’t you asleep? Why were you awake?” Sam frowns at the angel sitting on the bed in front of him.
“I...” Cas turned his head towards Dean, watching him for a moment so long that Sam uncomfortable shifts on the bed as he clears his throat, snapping them out of their haze. “It couldn’t put me to sleep.”
Cas keeps watching Dean with a look that sends shivers down his back. Dean holds his gaze, searching for something in his eyes.
“Why?” It’s only a whisper from Dean’s lips as he gently squeezes Cas’s hand.
“It couldn’t make me sleep because the Shadow couldn’t silence the... I kept waking. I was awakened by someone’s prayers. They were so loud the Shadow couldn’t silence them.” He says it for everyone to hear, but the words are only really meant for Dean. “Prayers that kept me awake. Kept me safe from being consumed by emptiness.”
Dean’s eyes tears up and he almost curses himself when he can’t stop one from falling from his eye. He only has eyes for Cas, so he doesn’t really notice when Sam gently touches Jack's arm, both standing from the bed and quietly leaving the room.
“I didn’t know if you could hear me.”
“I always hear your prayers.”
“Cas... I’m sorry I didn’t come for you, I tried. I tried. I should’ve followed you. I’m sorry I didn’t answer you that night. I just didn’t know how.”
Cas moves closer, his free hand taking Dean's face, a thumb gently stroking the space under his eyes.
“Dean, don’t. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I chose it, saving you. And I would have done it again if it meant you’d live. And I know you would’ve found a way to get to me.”
“Don’t ever leave me again.”
“I won’t.”
“Good. Because I won’t let you. I’ll follow you wherever you go.” With tears now streaming down his face, Dean leans closer. At first, their lips only brush against each other in a whisper of a kiss.
And when Dean can’t stand it any longer, he closes the distance.
Gripping the front of his white shirt, Dean gently pulls him closer, closer, closer.
Kissing the angel until he no longer knows how to breathe. And then some more.
Nothing else matters.
Nothing other than the man in his arms.
The lips on his lips.
His touch.
His kiss.
His love.
Cas.