Chapter Text
You can completely and truthfully say that in this moment, you hate Dave Strider more than anything you have ever hated in your life. More than your mother’s passive-aggressive head games, more than the smell of alcohol on your breath after yet another night you cannot remember, more than those headaches that come shortly before you black out, and much, much more than the court-mandated therapy every week.
Why? He woke you up at three AM and dragged you to a run-down diner, and still will not tell you why.
“I’m pregnant.”
You don’t smile. No, that slight creep upwards is not the beginning of a grin, it was a simple muscle twitch. “And may I ask you why you have woken me from my precious slumber at this ungodly hour to inform me that, in your words, shit has gotten real?”
“This shit is beyond real, it’s goddamn matrimonial at this point. Shotgun weddings abound from plush puppet ass, and with the baby on the way there’s no way in hell the groom is absconding because Dave Strider is going to get his love and devotion from the sinful progeny.” He keeps his hand on his stomach as he sips the complementary coffee. “I was thinking that the name should be kept in the family or something. Maybe take after the father too. How does Bro Tavros Jr. strike you?”
“How does your bandmate feel about his role as father of this immaculate conception?” You open three creamers and two packs of sugar and poor them into the coffee. You stir it thrice around clockwise and do the same counter-clockwise. A sip; it really is good coffee for a diner. “Surely this rampant debauchery and the consequences thereof cannot have gotten by his perfectly trimmed mohawk without objection.”
“Nah, it wasn’t rampant, totally contained. The shit was completely on the poly-faithful grid, sis. Gamzee stood by and even got a copy of the deed on tap.” Dave dips a fry in ketchup before tossing it in the air and catching it in his mouth. You shower his ego with polite applause as he bows his head. “I’d like to thank my sister for this heartfelt award. Seriously people, the shit comes from her and it’s fucking serious up in this bitch.”
“Of course, it would be unthinkable to have my shit in any other state.” Another sip of coffee. “I assume this pregnancy means that your infatuation with John Egbert is over, considering your now polyamorous relationship with your band.” He chokes on his coffee. You actually crack a smile this time.
“Oh, you’re the one that tried to rap-serenade John? That was so sweet!” You turn your head to see the voice coming from the positively glowing waitress. You do not for a moment think she is cute. Or adorable. You are definitely not blatantly lying to yourself either. Dave continues to sputter as she speaks. “Sorry it didn’t work out! And that his girlfriend was there too! And that she laughed! And that you ran away!”
Your quiet laughter has increased substantially in volume during her tirade. Your brother appears to want to find some hole to the earth’s core and throw himself into it. A lesson in why Rose Lalonde should not be dragged to a diner at some godawful hour of the morning, conveyed. “And who are you?” Dave asks. You cannot help the smirk that plants itself on your face at his curt tone.
“Oh my gosh, I forgot to introduce myself! Sorry! I’m Jade Harley, his cousin!” Dave later tells you that he was surprised he didn’t notice the resemblance sooner. The overbite, the glasses, the happy-devil-go-fuck-yourself attitude, his words not yours, could only come from someone related to Egbert. “What are your guys’ names?”
“Rose Lalonde, and the blushing coolkid over there is Dave Strider.”
“Also known as the one who throws the sickest beats and illest shit in the three-man-band, Miracles.” He’s composing himself now, pity. Dave will take pride where he can get it at this point.
“Oh right! My girlfriend keeps playing you guys! She says she used to know one of the members. Do you know Feferi?”
“Nah, must be ‘Zee or Tavros.” Dave shrugs as he gulps down the rest of his coffee. “I gotta go, we’re supposed to hit the road in an hour.”
“I think you’re forgetting something.”
“Shit, really? What?”
“A reason that will not provoke me to murder you for getting me out of bed.”
“Does a guy really even need a reason for wanting to see his sister before he hits the road?”
“Only when he sneaks into a high-security manor at three AM and wakes her up by poking her in the face.”
"If by high-security manor you mean that shitty place you and Kanaya rent-oh shit." his hand knocks into the cup, spilling hot coffee all over the table. Luckily it misses you. "Shit, sorry, fuck I'm supposed to be gone. My condolences on your coffee"
The door swings shut with a ringing bell as he absconds. You smirk as Jade offers you a refill. You thank her, but you really must be getting on your way back home. She smiles and goes to another table where an angry customer with a laptop and a lisp is demanding for her by name to get him more coffee. A muffled "Fuckass!" makes its way to your ears as you walk away.
The bell rings behind you as the door swings shut. You turn back for an instant and catch another glimpse of her before you duck into the cab. It appears that you have a new place to get coffee.
==> Brokestuck: Begin Act 1