Chapter Text
Minnie 1:1
*
“Nicha, honey, wake up.” her mother whispered in her ear. “We have to leave soon.”
Minnie wanted to sink into her pillow and disappear right there, but she knew she couldn’t. Still, she rolled to the other side and pulled the pink cover over her head as she grunted.
“Honey.” Mali ripped the duvet off. “I prepared clothes for you on the dresser.”
“Let me stay.” Minnie tried in her husky morning voice.
“You know I can’t do that.” she said quietly.
The daughter turned to her mother while pulling down the cover. Her eyes stung from the crying she’d been doing all night. Her head pounded, but what hurt the most was the punching feeling in her chest.
“Please mommy.” she begged and reached for her mother’s hand. “Let me stay with her.”
Her mother bit her lower lip, as she frowned and looked into her daughter’s soul. For a second, Minnie thought she’d listen to her and let her stay with her Miyeon, but then Mali pulled her hand away and turned around.
“The clothes are on your dresser.” she said before leaving the room.
Minnie wanted to scream and punch whatever came her way. She wanted to break down, yell at everyone in her way and head straight home to her love.
She felt how her lower lip started quivering, how her eyes filled with water and how it got hard just to hold them open. A lump started moving up her throat, causing her to start gagging, but she swallowed it down.
Her legs were shaking when she walked over to the dresser. Like she’d expected, there laid her black, tight jeans and a pink blouse. She could do nothing else than to put them on.
Minnie’s eyes moved to the mirror, in which she looked at herself before sighing and putting up her hair in a ponytail.
As she walked down the stairs, she noticed the door being open. Her last chance to get away to Miyeon, was through that open door.
Without even really noticing what she was doing, her feet started moving towards it. It was like a spell someone put on it, and her body followed it. She didn’t want to turn around, she couldn’t. Her foot touched the cold stone outside the door, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
Minnie turned around quickly, to see her father’s frown. His eyes were entirely bland without any depth at all. Mr. Yontararak motioned for a box with ‘Nicha’ written on it, before looking back at her.
She nodded, and put on a pair of knee-high shoes her mother had put by the door for her, and a beige, formfitting jacket.
Mac entered the room with both corners of his mouth tilting down, and gleaming eyes. Minnie thought he would start crying any second.
He wrapped her in his warm embrace, and whispered into her ear.
“I’ll talk to her.” he said quietly.
Minnie nodded against his shoulder before pulling away. She grabbed the box, walked out to the truck outside and put it in the back. Her mother was chatting with the driver, before she noticed her daughter and walked over to her.
“Exciting, isn’t it?” she said in Thai, which they rarely used with each other, and wrapped an arm around her. “You’ll get to go home, finally.”
Miyeon was her home.
*
*
*
The drive to the airport was too long. Six hours in a car with her grunting father, and her mother who tried to make conversations every few minutes. With every roll of the wheels, the further away she got away from her home. From her life.
She thought too many times just to open the door, jump out and wait to be crushed by other cars on the road. But she was seated in the middle, so one of her parents would’ve stopped her before she got out.
It had gotten so long, so tormenting, that she barely noticed when they reached the airport. She felt her mother’s pull on her arm, which made her climb out, and one more, so she walked forwards. If she just shut everything off, it didn’t hurt as much. So she did.
The only sign she got that they’d made it to Thailand, was the heat that touched her arms. And she felt her back hit a soft cover, so she realised they were at the resort.
Her name was being called, and she followed her dad to the kitchen. She barely noticed her grandparents waiting for her, she could just hope she smiled and acted polite when she greeted them.
“Your brother will come later tonight.” she heard behind her.
She was placed on a table, with a bunch of food in front of her. Minnie couldn’t remember how many bites she took, or if she even lifted her chopsticks at all.
When she felt a pair of warm arms wrap around her, and that familiar scent, she felt how tired she was.
“I’ll stay with you.” Mic said to her. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She nodded, and he followed her to her bedroom. As she sat down on her bed, he closed the door behind them.
“I want to talk to Miyeon.” Minnie said quietly.
“Do you have your phone?” he asked.
“They took it.”
“I don’t have mine either.” Mic sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder, to which Minnie fell against him. “I’m sorry.”
She felt the tears starting to fall again, how that lump climbed further and further up. It craved so much energy to keep it down, that she fell asleep somewhere in the process.
*
*
*
“And then, we bought you this.” her mother said and held forward the clothing.
She’d entered Minnie’s room, to show up the clothes they’d bought for tonight’s event. A short, tight, red dress, a pair of black heels, and jewellery. But Minnie almost lost her breath when she saw the bra her mother presented to her. Red, lace, push-up.
“We figured you don’t have any like this, so it would be nice to have one, right?” Mali said and reached it forwards. “If you like it, we can buy you more.”
Minnie grabbed it, and swirled it around as she studied it.
“I wasn’t sure about the size.” she said. “You should try it.”
She put on her outfit, and her mother smiled. The brushes her mother had prepared started swaying over her face, making her eyes look bigger and her skin lighter. Her mother made her lips look fuller, and her cheeks thinner, before she smiled happily at the result. Minnie thought she looked like a different person.
When they arrived at the gathering, it felt awfully familiar to the ones back in South Korea. The same rich men and their families, dressed in the same tuxedos and dresses, telling the same lies, showing the same fake smiles.
She was given a drink, she didn’t know if there was alcohol in it or not but she still swallowed it down in one go.
Then, her father presented her to an older man. Not her father’s age, but by far older than herself. He had brushed his hair over to cover his bald spots, and smelled like cologne.
“Somchai Ayutthaya.” he presented himself as and shook her father’s hand before her own.
She didn’t even have to look at her father, before she knew that this was the man she would marry.
*
*
*
Not even a month later, and the wedding was in the middle of planning. Her mother, grandmothers and some women she barely had met before, sat with her around the kitchen table and showed her different pictures, all wedding-related.
“What do you say about blue napkins?” one of the stranger women asked.
“I think white would fit better, don’t you agree Nicha?” Mali asked.
“Yes, mother.” Minnie answered.
“Then we can have an ongoing theme of white, and maybe if you kept your hair colour, it would match great.” she had already started choosing between the next pictures.
“Yes, mother.” she answered.
Later that night, Somchai took her out for a celebratory dinner. He held his hand low down on her waist, as he showed them to the table.
He ordered for both of them, without asking what Minnie wanted, before turning his attention to her.
“How is the planning going?” he asked in a nasal voice.
“Good.” Minnie answered.
“What have you decided so far?”
“White napkins.” she knew herself how far away her eyes where as her eyelids had fallen down halfway, but she didn’t even try to make an effort to lift them up.
“That sounds a little boring.” he uttered. “I think blue would be more fun.”
“Yes, sir.” Minnie said while nodding.
The food got there, and he started eating immediately. Sauce ran down on the side of her mouth, and he didn’t realise. He didn’t care to swallow before taking a big sip of his red whine.
“When are you colouring you hair back to black?” he asked with moist food in his mouth.
“Black?” she looked into his eyes for the first time since they’d sat down.
“Yes, black.” he answered. “I can’t have a wife with pink hair, I hope you understand that.”
“Yes, sir.”
Miyeon loved her pink hair.
“You could go blonde, too.”
“Yes, sir.”
“God, you’re lucky you’re pretty.” he said under his breath and stuffed more food into his mouth.
“Yes, sir.” she answered him.
She was nothing but a body without a soul.
*
*
*
Minnie was wondering what Miyeon was doing. It was summer now. She’d probably made it through the last term of junior year, and was right now preparing for senior. Miyeon probably spent everyday with their friends. Playing games, bathing in the river, eating ice cream.
In an imaginary world, Minnie was there with them. Laid kisses all over Miyeon every night, laughed with her all day long. Had the casual fights that she’d grown to love, not because of the fight itself but because they always came out stronger after it.
Maybe they’d be fighting right now, before they pressed their soft lips together and declared their love for each other. Yuqi and Shuhua probably gagged, Soojin probably complained in another way. If Soyeon had gone home yet, she would pull them apart and tell them to ‘get a room’, but Minnie and Miyeon wouldn’t care. They’d giggle against each other’s lips, and leave a few more pecks before joining the youngers’ activities.
But the imaginary world was just that, imaginary. Minnie was pulled back to reality when she felt two sweaty hands grab her own.
She looked to the side and saw so many of her relatives there. People she hadn’t seen for years. And there were people she’d never met before as well.
Minnie remembered that they all were here to look at her, and the man holding her hands.
She pulled her head back, and met his gaze. He was smiling widely, and she figured she should return it.
A minute later, he started leaning in. She felt his lips pressed on hers. His dry, ugly lips. Nothing near Miyeon’s. Minnie felt the lump in her throat again.
The ceremony was followed with a party, until he got her home. To their home. She couldn’t remember if she’d even gotten to choose anything in their home, but it didn’t matter anyway. The house would never be a home to her.
He lead them directly to the bedroom.
Once he’d fallen asleep hours later, the lump had grown too big for Minnie to be able to hold it down without choking. So she ran to the bathroom and let the lump out. But then came another one, and another one. She only stopped letting them out when she had no power left in her body.
Minnie swallowed the new lump, and made her way out of the bathroom, while feeling the piercing pain in her body.
He was still sleeping when she got there, so she carefully placed herself on her own side, and pulled the covers over herself.
Miyeon would never be able to look at her if she knew what she’d done. And Minnie wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to look Miyeon in the eyes either.
*
*
*
Two years later, and she was still living under Somchai’s roof. She’d thought about getting away so many times, but she always remembered that she had nowhere to go. The place she wanted to go, was a plane ride away, and she had no money for that.
Being his wife meant no job for her. No life outside their house. She met her family a couple of times a month, but that wasn’t much better. Mic was sent away to study in China over two years ago, so he wasn’t any saviour either.
Minnie hadn’t made any friends, she had no energy for that. And between cooking breakfast, cleaning the house, go grocery shopping, do the laundry, and every other little shore, there wasn’t much time left before she had to start cooking dinner for her husband, and make herself pretty, before he came home. Then she had to clean the dishes, and join him in whatever activity he had planned for them.
He was outspoken with wanting a child to more people than just Minnie. Every time they joined a gathering, she got multiple questions if there was a baby on the way, and she was just as happy to say ‘no’ every time. She couldn’t show that, of course, so she bore her sad face, owning a pat on her shoulder.
In the best scenario, one of them was unable to have a child, so that she never had to have one with him, and be stuck here forever. And she’d gotten her hopes up so much, that she’d stopped worrying about it.
Until one day, when she was out on her usual grocery spurt. The store was only ten minutes from the house, in a pretty open part of the city.
There were multiple people there at every hour, so seeing a few familiar faces wasn’t unusual. She used to hide as much as possible, so she didn’t have to fake how happy and content she was in front of Somchai’s friends and colleagues. She didn’t expect to see four familiar faces from South Korea on her usual spree.
“Mrs. Seo?” she asked, and knocked on a woman’s shoulder.
The woman turned around, at the same time as her husband and her two young kids. It was indeed the person Minnie had called after.
“Nicha Yontararak, isn’t it?” she asked with a smile.
She looked a lot less tired now than she’d done two and a half years ago.
“Yes.” she answered in her Korean that had become a bit broken over the time. “Well, it’s Nicha Ayutthaya now.”
“Oh, are you married already?” she asked.
“Yes.” Minnie answered.
“Well, then I’m happy for you.” the woman smiled.
Minnie looked down to the two kids. They were around three now, and started looking a lot like her old friend. Their round cheeks and cat-like eyes resembled their older sister a lot. The boy even had a mole on his temple, and although it wasn’t placed at the same place at Soojin’s, it still reminded her a lot of it.
“How is Soojin... and Miyeon?” Minnie couldn’t keep herself from asking.
“Oh, they’re doing great.” her smile grew even wider. “Both are in Seoul. Miyeon’s studying art while Soojin’s studying dance. I’m sure they would love if you visited them.”
Minnie nodded.
“Do you know anything about Soyeon? And what about Yuqi and Shuhua?”
“I’ve seen Shuhua around quite a bit when Soojin comes home.” she said. “There’s sadly no news about Soyeon. I remember how bad Soojin felt about it and how she couldn’t even tell us, our dear Miyeon had to.”
Yeah, Miyeon just was that sweet. She felt the lump in her throat again.
“Yuqi?” she asked.
“Yuqi used to come around, until she didn’t anymore.”
Minnie nodded again.
“Yejin was so sad. They used to be friends, did you know that?”
“I-I did.” she stuttered.
So there were only three left. She had to swallow down the tears she was ready to spill for her young friend.
“How... How’s Yejin now?”
“Oh, she’s better than ever.” one of the small kids had started complaining by pulling her mother’s arm. “She has a boyfriend now, and is apparently too busy to follow us on a family vacation.”
The woman chuckled, and Minnie followed her. At least someone was doing okay.
“Do you know if Miyeon is seeing-“
“Yes, yes, I’m coming.” Mrs. Seo, or Yang, or whatever, said in a scolding voice. “It was nice chatting with you Nicha, but I’ll have to leave now. Visit us in Korea, please!”
Minnie didn’t even get to say another word before the woman had been pulled away by her young daughter.
She was happy her friends seemed to be doing okay. Most of them, at least. It sounded like Miyeon had a good future ahead of her, doing what she’d always wanted to do. Minnie just wished she had been in it.
As she walked home, she suddenly felt herself becoming nauseous. She even had to sit down before she could continue. But when she was home and stuffed the groceries into the fridge, she suddenly gaged. It wasn’t one of those lumps that wanted to be let out this time, this was something else.
She rushed to the bathroom and saw her lunch disappear down the pipes. Luckily, she was able to clean away the smell from the toilet and brush it away from her mouth, before her husband got home. She even managed to cook him a full meal, before he touched her lips with his on and presented her with a bouquet of flowers.
Minnie didn’t like receiving flowers. She didn’t like the stereotype that all women likes flowers, she didn’t like women’s stereotypes at all. She didn’t like how she always had to follow him, take care of the house, be presented as a trophy. She didn’t like any of it.
“I come with good news.” he said.
Minnie had already learned that his good news wasn’t her good news.
“You’ll get to go to the country you grew up in, isn’t that fun?” he asked with a smile.
The girl wasn’t expecting it at all, and therefore barely even reacted to his words, before they really entered her ears.
“What?” she asked.
“Korea!” he smiled. “I’ve got a business trip in a couple of months and I figured you’d want to follow along since it’s your second home.”
It’s her only home. At least, somewhere on a campus, in an art classroom, in Korea, is her home.
“Do you know which city?” she asked carefully.
“I think it was Seoul, if I remember correctly.”
She couldn’t contain her happiness anymore and smiled widely. She still stood by the stove, didn’t move an inch, but this was a really happy sign coming from a girl who hadn’t smiled sincerely in two and a half years.
*
*
*
“I’m off all day tomorrow, but then we have a party to attend in the evening. Then I have a meeting the day after, and a lunch with a colleague the same day. Are you remembering all of this?” he asked her from his place on the plane.
“Yes.” she answered him.
Minnie hadn’t listened one bit. She was too busy looking out the window at the country beneath her. She’d smiled all the way there, she just couldn’t stop herself.
Her smiled soon disappeared when they got to the hotel room, and her husband wanted to continue his mission of creating offsprings.
But she couldn’t even think of what he was doing with her body, she was too busy planning how to get away from him tomorrow night without him noticing. She figured he would let her use the restroom during the night, and there was her chance to leave.
She put her plan to work the next day. He, like she’d thought, let her run off to the bathroom. But instead of walking down the hall, she took the complete other direction, towards the front door. Minnie grabbed the first coat she could get her hands on, before hurrying out the door.
Since she wore heals, her feet started hurting immediately but she could not slow down. The coat she’d grabbed had a hood, so she quickly pulled it over her head. She would be too recognisable with her blonde hair.
There were two universities in Seoul, Minnie could just hope she was walking towards the right one. She read all the signs on the streets. It was unusual to see those kinds of characters, but her brain quickly adapted.
The walk wasn’t too long, at least not with Minnie’s speed. She felt nauseous again, but she couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t stop.
Students were still walking wildly around the aria. Most of them were probably done with classes for today.
“Excuse me.” she said to the first person she saw. “Do you know Cho Miyeon?”
The person just looked at her with a frown, so she decided to repeat her questions. The frown stayed. Minnie figured the boy doesn’t know Korean, so she switched to English and asked again.
“No, sorry.” he said before hurrying away.
Minnie tried asking so many more. She couldn’t even keep count. And all of them, every single one, said no. The Thai was just loosing time.
“Excuse me.” she said and knocked on a girl’s shoulder. “Do you know Cho Miyeon?”
The girl turned around with a smile on her face. Her hair was curly and pitch-black, and her skin multiple shades darker than her own, despite having a tan from the constant summer in Thailand.
“Miyeon?” she asked. “Could she possibly have a cousin named Soojin?”
Minnie nodded rapidly.
“She’s studying art right?” the kind girl asked.
Minnie nodded again.
“Well, she doesn’t live on campus.” and there her hope fell. “I could give you her address though, if you want to?”
And she nodded widely again. Her smile grew even wider, as she became teary eyed.
“Okay.” she said and pulled out a paper from her backpack that she scribbled down characters and numbers on. “Here you go.”
Minnie grabbed it, looked at it for a second, before looking up and lowering her body.
“Thank you.” she said.
“No problem.” the girl answered and smiled at her.
Minnie quickly moved back down the street, to the address written on the paper in her hand.
She felt her heart beating wildly as the smile she was having wouldn’t disappear.
The girl opened the port and hurried up the stairs. She walked down the hall to apartment number fifteen, and only stopped when she stood right in front of the door.
Her heart pounded even harder now, and she couldn’t help herself from knocking firmly.
She closed her eyes as she tried to listen to any sound inside the apartment, but she heard none.
Minnie was just about to knock again, when she heard the lock klick, and the door opened.
*