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Published:
2021-02-04
Updated:
2021-02-13
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4/?
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"Close.. Your Eyes," (SBI)

Summary:

"you'll be here soon.."

But Techno can't bring himself to do it.

Song: My Time by bo en

I'm aware this song is about Insomnia/Sleep (bo en confirmed it)! But with how the song goes and my craving to write Technoblade angst and improve my writing I couldn't resist! Hope you understand.

This is gonna be really short! Just a drip of some Techno angst. Also, yes there is going to be a sequel.

Disclaimer: This may not be an accurate description of mental illnesses. I, myself, have not been diagnosed.

Notes:

This is probably a terrible angst writing attempt.

Chapter 1: Ichi Ni San Shi Go Bun (One, Two, Three, Four, Five Minutes)

Summary:

Insomnia nights are never fun.

Notes:

I'm sorta new to writing in ao3, if you spot something wrong, please tell me :)

Also, I'm not sure if I have the translations correct! Appreciated if you help.

Chapter is really short. I plan on this fic being short also.

Chapter Text

'Tokidoki, hontou ni netai,' (I really want to sleep,)

 

Techno rolled over to where the alarm clock side is.12. AM. The alarm clock seemed like it was mocking Techno with its numbers. It wasn't unusual for Techno, though it bothered him. A lot. He really tried to calm down his mind, he really did. But the thoughts came back anyways. His Angel and Demon were fighting again.

 

Sleep.

Would they actually care if you died of sleep deprivation?

Close your eyes, don't open them.

I mean - you don't have to. Remember, you're the one who dug yourself into this hole.

And you can get out of it!

Only if you can ask for help. Oh right, you don't wanna be a burden.. 

 

Of course Demonblade made everything worse. Of course Techno believed it. Was it true?

 

… 

 

He can never know.

 

Memories meant nothing to him. Only guilt. Great, now that thought was creeping up against him. 

 

So many thoughts drowning himself from time. Too many. Who could've thought? Techno drowning in his own thoughts, not the good way. 

 

Drowning, you say?

 

Why, why, why. He's created a monster inside himself already and it's growing, eating him up alive. 

 

…

 

What is there to eat if it's already eaten? Nothing is left. Exactly, he's already been eaten alive by his own thoughts. It took over. He can't make it if he tried.

 

 'I just wanna sleep', thought Techno, 'even the simplest of wishes don't even come true.. Or just my wishes.'

 

Losing more sleep every night, more and more. Sleepless nights became a thing, and falling asleep but then waking up three hours later and not falling back to sleep became another thing. 

 

'Demo, kono waado dekinai.' (but I cannot.)

 

But as the voices say,

 

' Oyasumi,

Oyasumi

Oyasumi 

Oyasumi.'

(Goodnight x4)

 

'Even the voices are telling me to sleep. But should I listen to them?' the boy in bed questioned.

 

…

 

'Probably should.'

 

It's dark in his room, besides the red light emitting from the alarm clock. It's like his mind, dark and only had thoughts.

 

Blurry. Is this sleep or death?

 

His eyes became heavy. It's black.

 

'Most definitely sleep.'

 

For Techno, that felt like an eternity. But in reality? Only five minutes has passed.

 

12:05 AM.

 

Oh how Techno was excited on how he's gonna wake up in a few hours.. Yay..

 

But hey, least he's getting sleep?

 

Chapter 2: Oyasumi, Oyasumi.. (Goodnight, Goodnight..)

Summary:

Not the best idea when you wake up like three hours later..

Now the voices are getting louder.

Chapter Text

It's 3 AM. He just woke up 10 minutes ago.

 

He's not sure how it happened. It went by in a daze. But what he does know, is that he's in a bad situation.

 

He didn't care. It escaped from the pain.

 

With another cut, a crimson liquid ran down to his finger.

 

Don't let it drip.

 

But he did anyway. It dropped to the floor like a raindrop. More blood, more cuts, it dripped down his arm and finger. A dark red puddle had formed. Just like raindrops. They would drip until the puddle got bigger. The source would be the clouds. For this, he was the source. 

 

..Not enough.

 

'Close your eyes and you'll leave this dream.'

 

More voices. This time it could be right.

 

..He could just close his eyes and plunge the knife in his throat.

 

'Not today.' he chuckled a bit and glided the blade over his delicate skin. The knife used to be silver and bright. It's still silver and bright, just has some dull red on it. 

 

But instead, more cuts covered up his skin, leaving not much space behind for any new ones he may add. He knew he needed to stop, he didn't do anything to stop it.

 

And with one final cut, he dropped the knife, nearly slicing his foot.

 

Silence.

 

A creak.

 

This alerted Techno, was someone there? Was he going to get busted?

 

But no, it was nothing. 

 

'Curse my fucking mind.'

 

'Oyasumi, Oyasumi'

 

Now the voices are even louder. Was that its only purpose? Just to annoy him? Just to make him feel worthless, to die?

 

Right. Bandaging. 

 

When did he all of the sudden become tired?

 

Oh yeah, blood loss.

 

Techno ran his hands under water, to remove excess blood. He didn't want to leave anymore faint bloody fingerprints anywhere.

 

He avoided looking at his own reflection while grabbing the pearl white bandages. He hated his reflection, always did. The only time he needed to look was in the mornings, when everyone was awake. Had to make himself look presentable, hide the pain, no one would notice.

 

It's so weird that the bandages fit with his pale skin. Shame that he can't show anyone. 

 

Christ. Now everything fucking hurts.

 

His cuts stung, the bandages worsening it. Shoulders felt so heavy, and his legs ached. head hurt too. God, how was he even standing?

 

Now it's the floors. He had to scrub them.

 

'This is why you never let your blood drip, you know this Techno..'

 

He mentally face-palmed himself.

 

After, he threw the tissues in the toilet. Yeah, sure, it could flood, but it's a useful way to remove evidence. He watched them dissolve. Sometimes he wished he could disappear too.

 

Techno made his way out of the bathroom not forgetting to turn off the lights. He plopped himself on his bed. What's it like to have a normal life?

 

'I know that it's hard to do..'

 

Techno had to agree on this one. Living a normal life wasn't easy to do.

 

Man, living life can be so fun sometimes. (Sarcasm amirite)

 

He felt himself crying a bit. For what? He sighed.

 

Sometimes questions just can't be answered.

 

'I'm so weak.'











Chapter 3: a/n

Summary:

uhh

Chapter Text

so I'm not gonna put the Japanese lyrics anymore

why?

because no, fuck that.

also i can't really get a proper translation.

Chapter 4: Days Go By

Summary:

The voices demand more blood, but he looks himself in the mirror..

Who is he anymore?

Notes:

I'M BACK!! MRS. MOTIVATION IS BACK!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The urge to cut himself again was growing everyday, every minute. He always thinks, don't give in, don't give in. Techno tosses and turns, clenching his eyes for absolute no reason, to silence the voices perhaps? 

'IT CAN'T BE HELPED.'

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he said he wouldn't give in but here he is now, getting out of bed. 

The cold breeze hit his body immediately after throwing the blanket off of himself. He just lays there, staring at the ceiling. What felt like forever, he got out of bed rubbing his eyes. He's not sure what time is it, maybe dawn, but he knows he hasn't gotten much sleep. But perhaps it'd be better to sleep when the voices are pleased. 

He walks over to the bathroom, the floor is cold but he makes it in time. It still smells a bit like iron, not too strong but Techno still cringed. He smells this almost all the time, yet he isn't used to the smell, isn't that strange? 

Scanning the room, his knife appears nowhere to be found. He accidentally looked at him in the mirror, snapping his head away not long after. Techno grew curious on his appearance, the voices did too. Not all, some were of fond and joy, others of anger and demand. A small percentage didn't care. 

'Want to see!!'

'BLOOD. NOW.'

'Curiosity kills the cat.'

'Pink!! I want to see pink!!'

'E.'

The last one made him laugh, but it fucking hurt. He hasn't laughed in so long. Joy quickly turning into pain,  laughing turning into coughing.

He's willing to take the risk.

Hesitantly, he turned his head to the mirror and forced himself to stare. 

'Moments pass, shattered glass...'

God, he looked terrible. He didn't, he looked normal. It's just his thoughts that say otherwise.

'blood.'

'blood.'

'blood.'

The voices demanded blood, but Techno let the world close around him. Nothing but him and the mirror, shrouded in darkness. He looked down, feeling sick of his own appearance. Techno didn't want to stare anymore. Maybe it was him, maybe it was the lighting, but his hair appeared to be fading out and dull. From what he can recall, his eyes were a bit empty. Like dead red-crimson eyes staring at you. 

Techno dropped down to his knees. He wanted someone to talk to- someone. He rarely even talks to his family, just a simple, "hello"  or another greeting. And the other times they even talk? Techno didn't enjoy it. He felt abandoned, he felt like crying, and so many other emotions.

'Hands of time, where's that chime, in my head?'

Times has passed, he grew distant from his brothers. It was his fault, he wants to find a resemblance of warmth in this cold, cold and was body he's in. 

Will everything be the same if I was gone?

No, no,  no-

That's what he wants to think. There's no comfort anywhere, he would talk to Phil but he doesn't want to feel like a burden since he's been distance enough. Same goes with his brothers, Tommy and Wilbur are better together. (I AM NOT SHIPPING THEM.)

His brain is filled with thoughts, none are satire or careless anymore, they're all racing and "what if's?". That's all. Tears started welling up in his eyes, and breathing became uneven. 

'The world wants you to suffer, Technoblade.'

He couldn't agree more with that voice.

 

Notes:

Hey, so I was wondering, if you guys wanted to see a chapter from one of the SBIs' POV? Maybe Tommy, or someone else? (Most likely Tommy cause I watch him the most.) Just wondering, because the rest of SBI are barely fuckin' mentioned.

(also bad ending for the chapter ik, i had a better one planned but then my device shut down on me and then i lost all my progress ):<)