Chapter Text
█████,
When you wake up lying among the ruins of Divine Terminus, you will be alone. If only you truly understood why.
Flamberge and Francisca are already gone. They left together without skipping a beat. It saddens me that they didn’t wait for me, that they departed without so much a goodbye, but I understand why. Perhaps they feared my devotion to you would remain even after the calamity we brought upon the world. They’ll never know how wrong they were, but it’s for the best, I tell myself. They deserve happiness together more than we do. I’ve always known they were always too good for you, anyway.
I, too, intend to depart from the Jambandra Base, and will be long gone by the time you wake up and read this. Part of me wanted to do the same as the other sisters and disappear without a trace, but the smallest shred of sympathy for you prevented me from doing so. Against my better judgement, I told myself you deserved a proper goodbye.
You don’t, █████ . And yet here I am.
As I sat alone with your unconscious body surrounded by what remains of the chapel, I recalled a time when your heart glowed with purity and kindness, and not with vengeance and anger. Once upon a time, I thought you to be my savior, someone I looked up to, someone I worshiped. Now, staring at the husk of a mage who breathed purpose into me, I am only filled with fear of your anger when you awaken. I am filled with shame knowing I once devoted my life to a foolish sorcerer who nearly brought about the destruction of the world as we know it. And, in spite of myself, I feel the slightest pang of pity.
But I can justify your madness no longer. I cannot continue to cross my heart and make false promises to myself. No longer can I remain among your ranks, knowing the person you have become, and knowing the evil you have brought about within yourself. I have seen my hero crumble and wither away into a shadow of himself, driven to madness by his own conquest for power. I did nothing to stop it then.
That is the thing that haunts me the most, █████ . We could have saved ourselves. I could have saved you. You could have saved yourself. We could have made our beds and we lied in them. Instead, I allowed you to plunge further into your madness, and, when I came to my senses, I awakened to a world engulfed in smoke and shadow. Even before now, there were days where I wished I could have helped you, but how could I help someone when they’ve fallen into a hole so deep that there’s no way to reach for their hand and grab it? Better yet, how could I help myself before that same hand pulls me down with it? Once upon a time, I lied to myself a million times, insisting to myself that I could never bring myself to betray you.
Those days were long ago, █████. I am a very different woman now than the one who you rescued atop the thunderstruck mountain. Long ago, I wanted nothing more than to release myself from this strange world. Now, however, I want nothing more than to live a life free of guilt, free of fear, free of the darkness you instilled within our hearts and within your own, even if it means it’s one I have to live alone. The world you sought to destroy is beautiful, █████, and it’s time for me to see that for myself. It’s time for me to move on, because if I don’t move on now, I may never will. I shiver at the thought of my life ending with nothing I’ve devoted my life to but a shattered sorcerer and his deranged acts of vengeance and sorrow. My life cannot end bound to “Lord Hyness”... and I hope yours doesn’t either.
When you read this, you may want to scramble to your feet and start searching for me, or maybe Francisca or Flamberge. I will warn you once and once only; do not try and search for any of us. It will be in vain. The other two have found peace beyond Jambandra with each other. Peace is something I hope awaits me beyond the walls of the chapel as well. But none of us can have peace with you, not in the sad state you have trapped yourself in. So please, don’t come looking for Francisca, or Flamberge, or me. For my sake, for theirs, and for yours.
Don’t try until you can remember my name. Don’t until you can say your own.
Even after all of the pain you have caused us, I still hope one day the person who saved my life atop the mountain can roam this world again. I hope that person finds peace the same way his subservients will. Until then, however, I hope you learn something from the barren world you wake up to.
Jambye, █████.
- Zan Par