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Keep your helmet, keep your life, son...
Marinette was tired. So incredibly tired.
She dropped into an abandoned alleyway(though, of course, most alleyways are abandoned at three in the morning) and released her transformation, slumping against the wall as she fed Tikki a cookie.
Hawkmoth was not letting up . He was hitting harder and harder, akuma after akuma, and Marinette just wanted sleep. The akumas were difficult, and they’d had no help, because Alya and Nino could no longer hero together and Chloé had some other issues to work through. And Marinette was tired.
She’d watched Chat Noir die four times in the past twenty-four hours alone.
Just a flesh wound… here’s your rifle!
She felt like she’d been fighting forever- like all the bones in her body were broken, and every inch of skin was bruised, but every single time she had been thrown to the ground she’d gotten back up again. Now, she just didn’t want to.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just fall asleep here?
And some things you just can't speak about...
Her eyes fluttered shut, but they shot open again as images flooded her mind. Her breath came quickly as she watched Chat die, as she watched him disappear, as she watched him turn against her, as she watched him turn white as snow…
No, no, no, no… She gripped her head as she let out a small cry. No, she had to see Chat again, she had to see him right now , if she didn’t she’d explode, she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together…
Stumbling to her feet, she cried out her transformation phrase and threw her yoyo. The akuma was defeated, but it wouldn’t be long until there was another one, she was sure, so he couldn’t have gone far, he needed to be-
She smacked into something firm, a groan escaping her mouth. “Woah, M’Lady, are you alright? Is there another akuma? Why are you-?”
She cut Chat off, collapsing into his arms with a sob. “Woah, M’lady. Okay, shhh.” He moved them to sit, stroking her back carefully.
With you, I serve. With you, I fall down…
She let out another soft sob, curling up in his lap as he held her. “You died, Chat,” She whispered, pain lacing her voice as he held her close.
He stayed silent for a second, rubbing circles on her back. “I’d do it again for you, M’lady.”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, as Ladybug let out another sob. “I know you would, Kitty. I don’t want you to.”
Watch you breathin', watch you breathin' out…
Chat considered this for a moment as she continued talking. “They just… I watch you die and I watch them die and then it’s all on me and… what if I can’t bring them back, Chat? What if I fail?”
“I’d forgive you,” He said softly as he felt another tear slip onto his suit. “And I’d make sure they did, too.”
She gave a hollow laugh into the leather of his suit and he found himself chuckling with her. For a second, they sat there together, silence giving them a reprieve from the exhaustion they’d been feeling for the past few hours.
Ladybug spoke again, her voice softer than the wind. “Why us , Chat? Why- why were we chosen?”
“We… Master Fu saw good in us, and… and he chose us.” He didn’t really have an answer for her, but he tried anyway.
“I think that’s bullshit.” Chat barked out a laugh at his Lady’s foul language, turning his head to look down at her pigtails. “We… We were the only good people in Paris who fit the mold of what he wanted? He tested me by seeing if I would help him out of the way of a car, and you- you said he tested you by dropping his cane and seeing if you would help him pick it up. Why- why us, Chat?”
Chat paused, considering. He’d helped Master Fu when it meant sacrificing going to school, so… The thought hit him like a train, leaving him breathless.
“He chose us because we’d- we’d sacrifice ourselves for others, Ladybug.” It was an obvious revelation, but one he hadn’t really considered before- he’d chosen the two people in Paris who were self-sacrificial enough to give up their lives for Paris every day. Not the most qualified, not the most able, but the most willing to give themselves up.
Ladybug gave a soft hum of agreement before speaking again, her voice cracking on the words. “We’re child soldiers, Chat.”
Someone's daughter, someone's mother…
“We’re child soldiers, and- and I don’t know if I can blame Master Fu, or Paris, but neither of them seem to care, do they? Because everyday we get up and get ready to fight the newest akuma and I- I get ready to watch you die and I- I want to be a kid again, Chat.”
The last words were barely a whisper and they broke Chat’s heart. He clutched his Lady to his chest tighter, feeling her panicked breaths against his shoulder.
And some things you just can't speak about…
“Shhh, Ladybug,” He hummed, trying to soothe her racing heart, “It’s alright. I’m right here, okay? I’m right here, with you, and we’ll be okay. Shhh, breathe, Ladybug.”
She pulled her face away from his chest, shaking her head. Her eyes were rimmed with red as she shook her head.
“No, kitty, I can’t- I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep watching you die, it hurts , and it’s all I ever see, Chat, I- I just-”
“Tell me,” He cajoled into her ear, “Please, Ladybug, tell me,”
“I can’t.”
Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany…
Chat felt a familiar hurt in his chest, but he brushed it off. It was time to focus on Ladybug. She needed him.
“Okay, bug.” He took a deep breath, glancing around. “Go to sleep, alright? You need the rest. I’ll watch over you.”
Ladybug shook her head frantically again. No, she couldn’t sleep now , not with the nightmares, the images of blood and snow and death and-
“Ladybug? Ladybug, look at me. You need to sleep, M’lady- look at you, you’re shaking- please, just rest.”
Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen…
“No, I can’t- the nightmares- I can’t sleep, ‘nother akuma…” Chat’s brow furrowed and he hugged her closer on his lap.
“What nightmares, Ladybug? Why haven’t you- nevermind.” He shook his head. Now wasn’t the time. “When was the last time you slept?”
Ladybug’s eyes were wide and awake, but her yawn gave away her exhaustion as she whispered a time that was far too long.
“Ladybug!” He gently scolded, moving her to a position more conducive for napping. “You need more sleep than that, M’lady.”
She shook her head again.
With you, I serve, with you, I fall down…
Ladybug didn’t want to sleep. If she slept, she’d be hit with nightmares that would leave her crying for days, that would never leave her mind. She hated watching her partner die, but if she slept she’d see it all again- she’d watch him fade from existence, she’d watch him bleed out, she’d watch his suit turn white and his smile turn feral-
She realized with a start that she was gripping Chat’s shoulder too tight to be comfortable, and she relaxed her grip, suddenly becoming woozy with exhaustion.
“Are the nightmares… are they about me, M’lady?” His voice seemed to come through a haze, and Ladybug fought to stay awake with a nod.
“Okay. Well, you go to sleep, and I’ll be here if you wake up with a nightmare, okay?”
The thought sounded so appealing to Ladybug in that moment that she couldn’t even come up with a good argument against it.
Watch you breathin', watch you breathin' out...
Chat tried to lie her down, but it was no use- she was already asleep, her arms wrapped firmly around his middle and her head on his shoulder. He smiled sadly down at her, giving her a soft kiss on her temple, before praying to all the kwamis of the world that there would be no more akumas tonight, and that Ladybug would have no nightmares to wake her from her slumber.
Only twenty minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany...
Ladybug dreamt of a defeated Hawkmoth and Chat Noir kissing her on the Eiffel Tower.
Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen...