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Chapter Text

“There’s a troupe in town!” Wenceslaus yelled. 

Rupert looked up just in time to see his kid slide into the bedroom and nearly fall onto the bed.  He grabbed the post to steady himself.  “Rupert, Amir, there’s a troupe!” he said again.  “They’re setting up in the square!  Marius told me!  Can we go?  Can we go, please ?” 

Amir glanced over at Rupert, who shrugged, sliding his bookmark into place.  “Some fresh air would be nice.  The wage law isn’t going to be finished any time soon, anyway.” 

“That’s true.”  Amir stood and pulled on his boots.  “Did Marius say what kind of troupe?” 

“He said that one’s a magician, and he’s really good.” 

Rupert paused halfway through pulling his sweater on.  “A magician?”  The thought of magic made his skin crawl. 

“Yeah!  Do you think he’s gonna do the trick with the rabbit?  Or the doves?  Once in the Hinterlands a magician came through but he was too tired to do any tricks so he just told me all about them.  He said that he knew how to pull a rabbit out of a hat!” 

“You think that can really happen?” Amir asked. 

“I think so!” 

Amir reached for his velvet cape but Rupert stopped him.  “We don’t want us to be the main attraction,” he said, handing him one of his own cloaks. 

“Right.”  Amir shrugged it on and the three of them walked out of the room. 

The trip to the town square was uneventful.  Wenceslaus practically bounced with excitement the whole way there, chattering about seeing Marius and watching the magic tricks. 

A crowd had formed by the time they got there, townspeople murmuring to one another in anticipation.  Wenceslaus waved at a group of children, most of whom Rupert recognized, and bounded over to them. 

“Do you think we should require a permit for stuff like this?” Amir asked. 

“Nah, not unless they’re going to be here permanently.”  Rupert looked around at the faces.  “Everyone’s still worn out from what happened with the D-word.  Let’s not make anyone jump through more hoops to have fun.” 

“Good point.”  Amir took Rupert’s hand.  “What if we held some kind of festival next month to boost morale?” 

“Might not be a bad idea.”  Rupert frowned.  “But planning an entire festival with such short notice?  I don’t know who would be up to helping us put it together.” 

“Sorry, you’re right.” 

Rupert turned to face him.  “You don’t have to apologize.  I like your ideas.  We need something here; now that the relief is wearing off people are starting to struggle.  And implementing a wage law and making healthcare free is great for the long term but it’s taking longer than I thought it would.”  He laughed a little.  “Running a kingdom is hard work when you actually care about your people.” 

“That reminds me, I wonder how the other D-word is doing?” 

“He is a d-word.” 

Amir snorted and nudged him. 

The atmosphere changed.  The hair on the nape of Rupert’s neck prickled and the smile fell from his face. 

“What is it?” Amir asked, looking around for any signs of danger. 

“Don’t you feel that?”  Rupert glanced up at the sky.  The weather hadn’t changed. 

“Feel what?” 

“Like something’s happening.  Or about to?”  He spotted Wenceslaus, who was still with his friends and oblivious to Rupert’s discomfort.  “I don’t know how to describe it.  It’s just something .” 

“Do you think it’s your anxiety acting up?” 

Rupert shook his head.  “It’s different.”  He made eye contact with a nearby knight and jerked his head once, silently telling her to keep an eye out.  She nodded. 

“Patrons and patronesses!” someone cried, stepping onto the stage.  The show had begun.  “I am Milo the Magnificent and I’m here to amaze you!” 

Wenceslaus came back over and Amir put him on his shoulders so he could see. 

“Now, who likes to eat eggs for breakfast?  I know I do.  I like to have two.”  Milo flipped his hands around and then there was one egg in each hand.  “I woke up late, though, so I think I’m just going to make it for myself now.”  He cracked the eggs into a pan.  “Personally, I like to flambe them real nice.”  He snapped his fingers and the pan burst into flames.  The audience ooh ed.  “And then I just put the lid on here real tight...”  He pressed the lid down.  “Wait about seven seconds – seven is a lucky number, after all – and then lift !”  Milo removed the lid and two birds flew out. 

The crowd cheered.  Wenceslaus laughed with glee, clapping his hands. 

“Oops.  That wasn’t supposed to happen.  Now what am I supposed to eat?  How about some chocolate?”  He pointed at someone in the front row.  “You, fine maiden.  Spare a coin?” 

She gave him one and he held it up for all to see.  “You know, there’s a trick to coins that the nobility won’t tell you about.”  He waved his hand over it.  “If you bite into it just right …"  He took a bite out of it and grinned, showing off what was left of the coin.  “It’s a delicious treat!” 

More cheers.  Wenceslaus looked down at Rupert and Amir.  “Wait, is that true?” 

“No,” Rupert said.  “It’s just a trick.” 

“So he turned it into chocolate?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I do that?” 

“I think you’d have to learn.” 

Milo performed several more stunts, including, to their son’s delight, pulling a rabbit from a hat.  A donation plate was passed around and made its way to the trio. 

“He should have tons of money!  Give him your whole coin purse!” 

Amir chuckled, dropping a handful of gold coins in and handing it to Rupert. 

As soon as he touched it, a wave of something hit him, shooting throughout his entire body, radiating from the plate.  He nearly dropped it in his shock. 

“Ru?” 

He looked at Amir.  “Does the plate feel weird to you?” 

Amir shook his head.  “Why?” 

Rupert handed it to the next person, rubbing his hands together.  “I just – maybe I’m getting chilly or something.”  The plate had been cool to the touch.  It could have just startled him. 

He watched it change hands, waited for someone else to react the way he had.  No one did. 

Amir squeezed his hand.  Rupert looked over at him.  "Are you okay?” Amir mouthed. 

Rupert nodded. 

"Do you want to go home?”  

He shook his head.  He didn’t want to spoil this for Wenceslaus just because he was on edge. 

“Remember this, and remember it well,” Milo said, finishing his act, “magic can be found anywhere.  You just need to know -” he stretched his magnifying glass and held it over his eye - “where to look.” 

The crowd dispersed and Amir put Wenceslaus back on the ground.  “Ready to head out?” he asked. 

“I wanna meet him!  Can we?  Please?  Wait, can he be my new tutor?” 

Amir laughed.  “I’m afraid not.  I don’t think he’d know much about running a kingdom.” 

“But he can conjure birds!” 

“That’s not the same thing, bud,” Rupert said.  “We can talk to him as long as he’s not busy.” 

Wenceslaus bolted for the stage. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Amir asked. 

“I think so?  Maybe the whole magic thing is just messing with me.” 

“He’s a magician, love.”  Amir kissed his cheek.  “He doesn’t really know magic.” 

“ I know that, but sometimes logic isn’t enough.” 

Amir kissed his cheek again, then his hand.  “If it makes you uncomfortable, we can always leave.” 

Rupert shook his head.  “I’ll be fine.  Just … can I keep holding your hand?” 

“Of course, my love.” 

As they got closer to the stage, they could hear Wenceslaus talking to someone. 

“So your parents just let you become his assistant?” 

“Actually, my parents died when I was little, and Milo took me under his wing.” 

“Oh!  So he’s like your new dad!  That happened to me, too, and now I have two new dads.  They’re not magicians, though, or anything cool like that.  They’re just the princes.” 

Rupert and Amir looked at each other, then erupted into laughter, trying to keep it as quiet as possible.  “We’re not cool enough for you?” Amir teased as they rounded the corner. 

Wenceslaus colored slightly.  “I mean.  You’re not magicians.” 

“You’ve got us there,” Rupert conceded. 

The assistant, who looked to be about fourteen or fifteen, bowed quickly.  “Your Highnesses.” 

Wenceslaus puffed out his chest a little but raced over and took Rupert’s free hand.  “Can we meet Milo?  If he’s not too busy?” 

“Y-yes, of course.”  He ran into the tent. 

Wenceslaus bounced on the balls of his feet.  “His name’s Rodney and he takes care of the doves and rabbits and helps set up and everything like that.  He said that the doves always fly back after the show for treats.  And I asked if he has a lot of doves, since Milo makes new ones all the time from the eggs, and he said no because they set them free.  But then I said that that introducing a brand new animal to an ecosystem is potentially harmful because it could cause a rapid decrease in the dove’s prey and it could cause an increase in the dove’s predators if it gets out of hand.  And then Rodney said that he hadn’t thought of that before, and I said that Rupert is planning an animal sanctuary and maybe once that’s up we could take the doves and he said he’d think about it.” 

The tent flap opened and Wenceslaus fell silent as Rodney stepped out with Milo right behind him.  The back of Rupert’s neck began to tingle again and Amir rubbed along the back of his hand with his thumb. 

“Your Highnesses,” Milo greeted.  “Did you enjoy the show?” 

“Yes!  It was so cool!  The part with the rabbit was my favorite!” 

He smiled.  “Well, I’m glad you liked it.” 

“Do you have any magical pets?  I have a dragon and a unicorn.” 

“I have several.  Would you like to meet one?” 

Wenceslaus nodded excitedly. 

He whistled and a monkey came out of the tent, wearing a little vest and top hat.  Wenceslaus cooed, dropping to his knees, as it approached him and held out his hand to shake.  “What’s this little guy’s name?” 

“Barthalomew.  We call him Bart.” 

“Hello, Bart.  You’re a handsome fella.”  The monkey climbed onto Wenceslaus’ shoulder and Wenceslaus laughed. 

Rupert beamed despite his anxiety.  He and Amir tried their best to make sure Wenceslaus still had time to be a child, even with his tutoring and training, but the Despair hadn’t spared him any trauma.  He, like the rest of the kingdom, was subject to nightmares and fits of melancholy.  The times he got genuinely excited about something were few and far between.  The other parents they’d spoken with said their kids were the same way. 

Children were so resilient, until they weren’t. 

Rupert leaned his head on Amir’s shoulder.  Amir kissed his head. 

“Are all monkeys this smart?” Wenceslaus asked. 

“No.  That’s what makes him magic.”  Milo whistled again and Barthalomew returned to the tent.  “We like to send him out to drum up business sometimes.  He used to be a bit of a kleptomaniac but we’ve trained him out of that.” 

“Oh!  Chamberlain’s boyfriend has that too.  I don’t know what it means but I heard Rupert say it.”  He turned to Rupert.  “Can we train Barabbas out of it like they did with Bart?” 

“Why don’t you ask Chamberlain about it the next time you see him?” 

Milo chuckled.  “Well, if I’d known I was entertaining royalty I would have prepared some gifts.” 

“You don’t have to,” Amir said quickly.  “We have more than enough of … everything.” 

“Is there anything you need?” Rupert asked.  “And do you technically live here in the Heartland, or …?” 

“We live quite comfortably, thank you.  Rodney and I are from a little village that borders the Southern kingdom.” 

“You’re quite far from home, then.” 

“The road is our home.  We just flit from place to place, like leaves in the wind.” 

Rupert forced a smile.  Apparently Milo and Barabbas had crossed paths.  “Have you had much trouble on the roads?” 

“A few brigands here and there but that’s pretty far out, near the borders, and they’re easy enough to fend off.” 

He was the third traveler to mention brigands.  They’d have to send a few knights out to look into it.  “I wonder why there are brigands.”  He bit his lip and looked at his husband.  “We should check in on the border towns soon.” 

“Agreed.” 

“If it’s any consolation,” Milo said, “it’s happened a lot less often since the Heartland was formed.” 

Rupert nodded, deep in thought.  How desperate would someone have to be, to risk their own life robbing travelers?  Where were they failing as rulers, what had they overlooked? 

Barthalomew came back out of the tent, holding a pendant in his hand. 

“Bart!” Rodney snapped.  “Give me that!” 

The monkey paid him no mind and ran right up to Rupert, presenting it to him. 

“I guess he likes you,” Amir said. 

“Guess so.”  The pendant looked a little familiar, but Rupert couldn’t remember where he’d seen it – or something like it – before.  He took it from Barthalomew and a bolt of energy shot through him.  It was much like what he’d felt when he held the collection plate, but stronger.  He dropped the pendant and it clattered to the ground. 

“You okay, Ru?” 

“Sorry.”  He laughed a little, picking it back up.  “Sorry, I guess it shocked me.  Maybe it was staticky, or something.”  He turned the pendant over in his hand.  His fingers were shaking.  “It’s pretty.  Whose is it?” 

“It’s mine, Your Highness.”  Rodney came over and Rupert gave it back to him.  He touched his hand on accident and more energy flew through him, making him take a breath. 

He suddenly knew where he remembered it from. 

He’d recognized the stone.  It was the same kind that Upendo wore. 

He stared at Rodney, who stepped back.  “You’re a – you're …?” 

“Rupert, what is it?” 

Rupert put a hand on Wenceslaus’ shoulder, in case he needed to pull him away.  “Magic,” he said dumbly. 

Rodney paled and exchanged a glance with Milo.  “We’re not here to cause any trouble.”  Milo put an arm across Rodney’s chest, moving so he was partially in front of him.  “Rodney and I are just here for work.  We promise.” 

He took a deep breath, willing his heart to calm.  “I’m sorry, it’s just, from what I’ve seen –” 

“Of course you’d be cautious.  That’s why we keep it a secret.” 

Rupert looked at their faces – their terrified faces – and his stomach dropped for a different reason.  “I'm not going to arrest you,” he said quickly.  “You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

Their shoulders dropped and Rodney covered his mouth and looked away. 

“I’m sorry,” Rupert repeated.  “As long as your intentions are pure, you’re welcome here.” 

“I’m confused.”  Wenceslaus shrugged Rupert’s hand off.  “What’s happening?” 

“I’m a little lost too,” Amir said. 

Rodney wiped his eyes.  “I have magic.  Real magic.” 

Amir gasped, gripping Rupert’s hand tighter. 

“I barely use it, just enough to keep it from building up.  The most complicated spell I cast is for levitation.”  He hugged himself around the chest.  “It’s not – it's not evil.  I know what you must think.  We know about the forest and the fairies and the D-word and the …"  He looked at Milo.  “The Midlands.  But there’s nothing wrong with magic.  It doesn’t have any morality; it’s a tool, like a sword or a cutting board.” 

“You can cast spells ?”  Wenceslaus looked up at Rupert.  “Can he be my new tutor?” 

“I’m afraid I can’t teach you magic, if that’s what you want.”  Rodney put the pendant on.  “You can’t learn it if you don’t already have it.” 

“Huh?” 

“Some people have magic, some people don’t.  Just like some people have hazel eyes, and some people have green eyes.  And if you don’t have magic, you can’t learn to use it.” 

“And I don’t have magic?” 

“I don’t know.  Until it presents itself, there’s no way to tell.  It’s funny like that.”  He looked at Rupert.  “I think Barthalomew gave you my pendant for a reason.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He’s sensitive to magic.  He might have felt something on you and decided to test it out.” 

Rupert shook his head.  “No, no, I don’t have magic.” 

“It was like a thousand little shocks going throughout your entire body, wasn’t it?” 

He shook his head again.  The ground threatened to spin.  “I don’t have magic.  Maybe he’s sensing Porridge.” 

“I felt it when you touched me.  Your energy.  You have a lot of magical energy.” 

“I can’t .”  Standing suddenly took effort.  He felt hands on his shoulders, guiding and pushing gently.  Then he was sitting down.  “I can’t have magic, that doesn’t make any sense!  I’m not –”  He looked up sharply.  “Is this some kind of trick?” 

“Your Highness, I swear it isn’t.” 

“I didn’t feel sensitive to anything until I came back here.” 

“You said you felt strange right before the performance,” Amir said.  “And the plate – you didn’t like the plate.” 

Rupert stared at him.  There was no way – it wasn’t possible – he couldn’t . 

“Does this mean you’re going to learn spells too?” Wenceslaus asked. 

“No,” Rupert said quickly.  “No, I’m not.  It doesn’t matter whether I have magic because even if I did , which I don’t , I’m not going to do anything with it.  I don’t have a pendant anyway.” 

“Your Highness –” 

“I’m serious.”  He stood too quickly and Amir put his hands on his arms to steady him.  “It’s not going to happen.  This is a lie, anyway, or some kind of trick.  If you’re not playing it, then it’s a fairy somewhere or another wizard with worse intentions than you two.” 

“Rupert, love –” 

“We had a lovely time watching your show but we really have to be going now.  Have a good day.”  He turned to leave, but Rodney’s words stopped him in his tracks. 

“If you don’t learn, it could kill everyone.”

Chapter Text

Rupert stared down at the book, but he couldn’t make out any of the words.  His head swam.  

“Unused magic builds up.  If you don’t know how to handle it, it will get out of control.  And someone could end up hurt, or worse.”  

He chewed his nail.  If he had magic, he’d have to learn to control it.  But he didn’t necessarily have it.  What had happened at the show could have just been a fluke.  Before he made any decisions, he needed to know more, which was why Chamberlain had lent him his encyclopedia of magic.  

The problem was, he couldn’t focus.  

He swore and ran frazzled hands over his scalp, messing up his hair even more.  This had been going on for at least fifteen minutes.  

He shoved the book away and began to pace.  His entire body felt like it was running on three cups of coffee.  

“Ru?”  

He spun to see Amir in the doorway, arms filled with books.  Amir set them down on his desk and crossed the room, taking his hands and kissing each of his knuckles.  If he noticed Rupert’s uneven nails, he didn’t comment.  “Want to talk about it?” Amir asked.  

“I can’t focus on anything.”  He looked at the window.  The moon had climbed higher than he’d thought.  “I’m a wreck.  What if it’s true?  What if I have magic?  I can’t deal with that, Amir, I just can’t.”  

“Have you read anything in the encyclopedia yet?”  

He shook his head, tears springing to his eyes.  “The words might as well be in another language.  I’ve read it at least ten times but it’s not getting through.”  

Amir pulled him close, kissing the side of his head.  “Okay.  Okay, love.  It’s going to be okay.  Why don’t you take a break?  Go for a walk in the garden or take a hot bath?  I’m going to read through some of these and see if I can’t find anything out.”  

Rupert sniffled.  A bath sounded nice.  “Okay.”  

“I’ll also ask Lilith to bring us some tea and cobbler, if the kitchen has any."  

“Thank you.”  

“I love you, Rupert.”  He pulled away to look him in the eyes.  “And no matter what happens, I’m here.”  

“I love you too.”  Rupert walked into the bathroom, turning on the water and letting it run until it had warmed.  He watched it fill the tub, his mind stubbornly wandering back to what Rodney had said.  

What kind of damage would he do?  Did he have time before he lost control of it?  

He sunk into the bathtub and took a breath, forcibly relaxing his muscles.  He leaned his head back against the rim and closed his eyes.  

If he had magic, he didn’t want it.  

There had to be some way to get rid of it.  

Upendo had lost her magic by casting a too many spells.  Malkia lost her magic when Amir shattered her amulet.  

Rupert didn’t know any spells, and he didn’t have an amulet.  There had to be another way.  

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled, and the sensation traveled down his spine and out to the rest of his body – an uncomfortable tingling that he couldn’t get rid of.  He brought his knees to his chest, pressing his forehead against them, gritting his teeth as his ears began to buzz, counting his breaths as he waited for it to pass.  

Distantly, he heard something shatter – maybe one of their staff had accidentally dropped something – but then he heard it again.  And again.  

He scrunched his shoulders up to his ears, trying to block out the noise – a hallucination?  

Then hands were on his shoulders and he gasped, startling so badly that he nearly knocked heads with the person beside him.  

“Rupert, are you okay?”  

He looked up at the figure – Amir – and nodded once, wiping his eyes.  “I think so.  Just – it's just been a while since I’ve had such a bad episode.”  

Ever since he was twelve, he’d sometimes have moments where everything became too much , and all he could do to combat it was wait it out.  The moments had become few and far between over the years, but hadn’t vanished completely.  They seemed to happen more often when he was incredibly anxious.  

It made sense that it had happened now.  

“Did you – are the servants okay?” Rupert asked.  “I thought I heard glass breaking?”  

Amir frowned.  “All three of the lanterns shattered.  That’s why I came in here to check on you.”  

“The lanterns in here?”  He looked around to confirm this and sure enough, each of the lanterns were broken and glass covered the floor.  He swallowed.  “Do you think – ?   Did I do that?”  

“I don’t know.”  He reached out and put a gentle hand on Rupert’s arm.  “But I think it’s possible.”  

Rupert buried his face in his hands.  

“Come on, let’s get you out of here.”  Amir drained the tub and helped Rupert up, wrapping a towel around him.  He stopped him when he started to get out.  “No, there’s broken glass and you’re not wearing shoes.”  Amir lifted him, carrying him out of the room and setting him back down in the dressing area.  

“What if it gets worse?” Rupert asked miserably.  “What if next time I shatter all the windows or someone’s bones ?”  He haphazardly dried himself, his hands shaking.  Amir remained nearby.  “What if Rodney’s right?  About everything?  I don’t know how to control it – or even how to go about learning!”  He took a deep breath.  “Okay.  Okay Rupert, focus.”  He closed his eyes.  “If he’s right and I do have magic, I’ll just ask him for help.  Even if he doesn’t know everything, he can probably get me pointed in the right direction.”  He grabbed a pajama shirt and some pants.  “We’ll send for them first thing in the morning.”  

“Why not tonight?”  Amir grabbed a broom and swept up the glass in the bathroom.  

“What if they’re asleep?”  

“You just shattered three lanterns!” he snapped.  “Ru, we need to know what’s going on.  And how long we have before it happens again.”  

“I can go away.”  Rupert crossed the room and picked up the encyclopedia.  “Push comes to shove, I can go away until I figure it out.  That way I don’t hurt anyone else.”  

“Absolutely not.”  

“It’d be a last resort,” Rupert argued.  “I’d rather hurt a few trees or a rock than my people or my family!”  

Amir shook his head, his jaw clenching.  “Then I’ll make sure it doesn’t come to that.”  He walked to the door.  “I’m going to send for Milo and Rodney.”  

“While you’re out, you should also ask for someone who can mop up the glass.”  He sat down cross-legged on the bed, propping the book in his lap.  “But let’s not replace the lanterns just yet.”  

“Agreed.”  Amir started to open the door but stopped.  “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”  

“To be fair, this entire thing just got even more stressful.”  

“That doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you, especially because you’re the one who’s going through it.”  He rocked back and forth on his feet.  “I’m with you no matter what, Rupert.  I need to know that you know that.”  

“I do.”  He smiled.  “Thank you.”  

“But I also – I'm scared.”  

“So am I.”  He jerked his chin.  “You should get going.”  

“Right.”  He left and Rupert turned his attention to the book.  

Maybe it was because they had a plan, or maybe it was because he’d just lost it on some poor lights, but he felt calmer now.  At least, calm enough to read.  

“ Magic can present itself at any time, though it is more common to occur around adolescence,” he read.  “ The presentation itself takes many forms, but the most common are sensitivity to, or recognition of, magic and a magical discharge.”   He read the footnote for magical discharge; “ Magical discharge: a sudden outburst of magical energy from a magic user.  This usually happens when a magic user has gone too long without casting a spell or exhausts themselves.”  

Was that what had happened in the bathroom?  Magical discharge?  And did Rupert feel so strange at Milo’s show because he was sensitive to Rodney’s magic?  

He set the book aside and rubbed his temples.  The bedroom door opened and Wenceslaus came in, rubbing his eyes, Spike right behind him.  Rupert frowned.  “Hey buddy, I thought you were in bed?”  Amir had tucked him in alone tonight because Rupert was too panicky, and he didn’t want Wenceslaus to see it.  

“I had a bad dream.”  When Rupert opened his arms, he crawled up onto the bed and into his lap.  “Spike was crying for me but it was too dark to see so I couldn’t get to him.”  

Rupert hugged him just a little tighter.  “I’m so sorry.  Do you want to give him a checkup to make sure he’s okay?”  

Wenceslaus sniffled and nodded, climbing off of Rupert’s lap.  Rupert pet the goat and got on his knees in front of him.  “Alrighty, Spike, let’s have a look at you.”  He turned Spike’s head this way and that with a gentle hand.  Spike, to his credit, seemed to have all the patience in the world.  “Eyes are clear and bright.  His ears look normal.  Horns are firm.”  He stroked Spike’s back.  “Coat is nice and shiny.”  Wenceslaus sat next to Rupert and hugged Spike around the neck.  “His nose is cool, his tail is up, and his hooves look great.  I would say we have a very healthy, happy unicorn here.”  

Wenceslaus turned and hugged Rupert.  “Thank you.”  

“Any time.”  He rubbed up and down Wenceslaus’ back.  “Do you want to go back to bed?”  

He shook his head.  “Can I stay here for a little while?”  

“Sure.  But I think Amir’s going to be bringing Rodney and Milo here to talk, so it’ll get busy.”  

“Talk about what?  Your magic?”  

“Yeah.”  He stood, lifting Wenceslaus, and pulled the blankets down.  Then he set him down and tucked him in.  

“Rupert?  Why are you scared of magic?”  

He laughed a little.  Was it that obvious?  He sat down next to his kid.  Spike jumped up and curled up against Wenceslaus’ legs, giving Fitzroy at the other end of the bed a wide berth.  “A lot of people use magic to do bad things.”  

“But Rodney said that magic isn’t bad, it’s the people who use it.”  He wriggled a little, getting comfortable.  

Rupert brushed some stray hairs off of Wenceslaus’ forehead.  “It’s not quite that simple.”  He sighed, trying to think of a way to explain it.  “When people get scared or angry or hurt, they sometimes act without thinking.  And sometimes, what they do is bad, even if they’re not bad.”  

Wenceslaus didn’t say anything for a long time.  “Like casting a bad spell?”  

“Yes.”  

“And that’s why you’re scared of magic?  Because people cast bad spells?”  

“Yes.”  

“And you don’t want to have magic because you don’t want to cast a bad spell?”  

“Exactly.”  

Wenceslaus frowned.  “Then why don’t you just … not cast any bad spells?”  

“That’s the thing, bud.  I don’t …"  He sighed.  “Do you remember when we first met?  Amir and I were trying to stop Malkia from hurting everyone?”  

Wenceslaus nodded.  

“Malkia’s not a bad person.  But some people hurt her very, very badly, and she lost her kingdom.  That changed her a lot, and she did something wrong because of it.  She used her magic to try and make it so no one could ever hurt her again.  And in the process, she hurt a lot of other people.”  

“Like Amir?”  

“Like Amir.”  

Wenceslaus stared up at the top of the bed’s canopy.  “I don’t get it.”  

Rupert bit his lip and thought of how to reword his thoughts so his eight-year-old would understand.  “If something hurts me,” he said, “and if it changes me like how it changed Malkia, I don’t want to be able to hurt people like she did.”  

“Oh.”  He sat up and looked over at Rupert.  “But you can hurt people other ways, can’t you?  Like with a sword or an army or Porridge?”  

“ Yeah, but I think magic would be more effective.”  

He huffed a little, rubbing Spike’s head.  “I don’t think you’d ever do what she did.  You’re too nice.”  

Rupert chuckled.  “I’m glad you think so, but I’d rather not take any chances.”  

Wenceslaus yawned, lying back down.  “It’d be cool, though.  You could turn coins to chocolate or conjure birds or make flowers grow.”  

“Maybe we should just leave that to Milo, yeah?  He knows more about that stuff anyway.”  He rubbed little circles into Wenceslaus’ stomach until he had fallen asleep.  Then he sighed and picked up the encyclopedia again.  

He’d never known how quickly he’d come to love his child, but Wenceslaus gave him all of the warmth and fear of loving someone, and then some.  He loved talking to him and reading to him and listening to him go on about animals and unicorns, and he loved the idea of getting to watch him grow.  

But having more people in his life gave Rupert more people to lose, more people that he had to protect from anything, including himself.  

He had to figure this magic thing out.  It wasn’t just his own life at stake.  

He closed the encyclopedia and took a deep breath.  If he was going to learn about this, he was going to be thorough.  

He opened the book to the first page.  

Chapter Text

The door opened when Rupert was on page 32.  He looked up and greeted Lilith, one of the servants, as she came in with a bucket and a mop.  “How’s your sister?” he asked.  

“She’s doing much better; she only has a minor cough now, and no more fever.  That medicine your healer gave us worked like a charm.”  

“I’m glad to hear it.”  He bit his lip, looking down at his book, then back up at her.  He set the book aside.  He could get back to it later.  First and foremost, he needed to be a prince to his people.  “We’ve been talking to some of our economic advisors.  We think we’re going to set it up so that your taxes pay the healers’ salaries.  I think your taxes will go up a little, but Amir and I have been assured that it’s still much less expensive than paying out of pocket.”  

“I’m sure it’ll save a lot of lives, Your Highness.”  She went into the bathroom to clean up the glass.  

Rupert returned to his book.  This first chapter was all about what magic is , but he still couldn’t quite grasp it.  

It was a type of energy, or something like that.  And while magic itself only came in one form – magic – it could be channeled into … different forms?  

“ What ?” he whispered.  “ So there’s only one type of magic but you can use different types of magic?  This book doesn’t make any sense!”  He rubbed his temples, looking over at the bed to make sure he hadn’t woken Wenceslaus.  When his kid didn’t stir, he took a breath and leaned his head against the back of the couch.  

“Maybe it’s like water,” Lilith said, startling him.  “Water is water but it can also be ice or steam.”  

He thought about it, then nodded.  “That - that makes sense, actually.  Thank you.”  

“I’ve cleaned the glass for you.  Did you want me to go ahead and see to some new lanterns too?”  

“No, I think it’d be better to wait, in case something like this happens again.”  He frowned.  “Lilith, what do you know about magic?”  

“Not much, sire.  It's illegal in the West.”  

“Is it really?”  Why didn’t he know that?  

“My mother said that King Ufgherd outlawed it almost twenty years ago.”  

He wondered if that had anything to do with him.  He’d have to write his mother and ask her.  “No wonder Milo and Rodney were scared.  I thought that it was just because tensions are still high after the D-word.”  He shook his head.  “I wish I knew more.”  

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, Your Highness.”  

He smiled at her.  She wasn’t much older than him, maybe twenty-one.  “You have nothing to apologize for.  Thank you.”  

She bowed and left.  He picked the book back up.  

There were five main categories of magic, and each corresponded with one of the elements: water, fire, earth, air, and light.  

He’d never considered light to be an element but magic apparently did.  

He took a deep breath.  “This is a lot to process.”  

Amir opened the door.  “I’ve got Rodney and Milo.”  

Rupert stood, taking the book with him.  “Let’s go to the drawing room.  Wenceslaus is in here.”  

Amir frowned.  “Another nightmare?”  

“Yeah.”  He stepped out into the hallway and smiled tersely at Rodney.  “Hello again.”  

“Hi.”  They walked up to the drawing room and sat.  “So, uh, Your Highness, is everything alright?”  

Rupert clasped his hands together to keep himself from biting his nails again.  “I think you may be right.  About me having … magic.”  

“Oh.”  

“I shattered three lanterns.”  

“Oh!”  Rodney exchanged a shocked glance with Milo.  “Was anyone hurt?”  

“No.  But I might not be so lucky if it happens again.”  Holding his hands together wasn’t enough so he cracked each of his knuckles.  “So how do I keep this from happening again?”  

“Gaining control of your magic.”  

“How do I do that?”  

Rodney grimaced.  “I - I don’t think I can help you with that.”  

“But you have control of your magic!”  

“I do, but I was very young when I learned.  It’s become second nature to me at this point.  I couldn’t explain it if my life depended on it.”  He looked at Rupert’s crestfallen face and added, “But, um, you usually have a magical discharge if you’ve gone too long without using any magic.  So if you cast a little spell now and then, you might be able to keep it from happening too often.  That’s just a temporary solution, though.  You’ll need to learn how to control your magic if you really want to make sure it doesn’t go off.”  

“Who taught you?”  

“My parents.  They were both magic users.  But they died when I was six.”  He shook his head.  “I really have no idea who you could talk to.  Magic has been illegal in the West for as long as I’ve been alive.”  

Rupert brought a finger to his mouth, but Amir took his hands and rubbed them soothingly.  He began to tap his foot instead.  “Is there a way I can get rid of my magic?” he asked.  

Rodney looked taken aback.  “Not that I know of?”  

“What about your pendant?  When we defeated Malkia, we destroyed her amulet, and that took away her magic.  Can we do something like that?”  

“I don’t know.  I’m so sorry, Your Highness.  I’m really out of my depth.  I don’t know that much.”  

Rupert looked down at his lap.  

“What does the pendant do?” Amir asked.  

“It’s kind of like a conduit.  It channels your magic and makes it easier to control, to cast spells and all that.  Each magic user has to blindly pick their own from a group of at least twelve, usually when they present their powers.  I chose mine when I was two.”  He shrugged.  “I was an early bloomer.”  

“Is magic really that hard to control without one?”  

“It depends.  When you’re first starting out, yeah.  It’s like any new skill, though – the more you practice, the easier it gets.  And if you’re trying to cast a really powerful spell, you usually need the stone.  After a while, it kind of becomes … an extension of yourself?  I don’t know how to describe it.”  

“But you don’t always need the stone?”  

“No.  Yes.”  Rodney grimaced again.  “It’s all relative.  You’d have to be pretty practiced in order to be able to do much without one.”  

Rupert took a breath.  “Is there anything else you can tell me about magic?”  

“Well, if you want to learn a really basic spell that you can cast to keep yourself from discharging, I can teach you.”  

He forced a smile.  “Okay, thank you.”  

“I can teach you how to conjure a little flame.”  

Rupert winced.  “Doesn’t that sound a little … destructive?”  

“How about I teach you to levitate things?  Small things, like pillows or pens?”  

“If I lose control of that, won’t I send it through someone’s eye?”  

“Okay, well what about a wood breaking spell?  You use it to split logs instead of chopping them for firewood.  You’d be starting a lot smaller than that, like with twigs, but –”  

“I could focus on the wrong thing and break someone’s bones instead!”  

Rodney blinked.  “You can always do these by yourself, when no one’s around.”  

“Someone could walk in.”  

Milo buried his head in his hands.  Amir put his hand on Rupert’s knee.  

“Alright.  Well, what if you just conjured up a little ball of water?”  

Rupert thought about it.  “How would I go about doing that?”  

“I mean, the short answer is that you would focus on pulling the water from the air around you and into your hand.”  

“But … blood has water in it.  What if I pull someone’s blood from them on accident?”  

“All due respect, Your Highness, but you’d have to be very powerful to do something like that.  It would take years of practice.  But if you’re really that worried, you can keep a cup or a small bowl of water close by.  That way there’ll be plenty of water to pull from.”  

That did make him feel a little better.  “Okay.  Yeah, could you teach me that one?”  

“Sure.  Hold your hand out flat and close your eyes.”  When Rupert complied, Rodney continued, “Think about all of the water in the air around you.  Tiny little drops of it.  And then picture them coming together, onto your hand.”  

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, imagining the water moving to his hand over and over.  When nothing happened after several minutes, he sighed in defeat.  “This isn’t working.  Is the air too dry, maybe?  It’s February, after –”  He stopped short when he opened his eyes and saw, in Rodney’s hand, a perfect sphere of water.  “Oh.”  

“It’s okay if it doesn’t happen right away.”  Rodney closed his eyes again and the sphere dispersed.  “Like I said, it’s like a skill that takes practice.  Keep working on it.”  

Rupert laughed humorlessly.  “I don’t have a choice.”  

“I wish I could be of more help.”  

Rupert ran a hand through his hair.  “It’s not your fault, Rodney.  I’m sorry.  This is just, a lot .”  

“Yeah.  But I’m glad you have an open mind about it.”  

He thought back to earlier in the day, when he first found out that Rodney had magic.  How afraid he and Milo were.  “Rodney, how did your parents die?”  

He inhaled sharply.  “Oh.  They, um, they were …  They were killed.”  

“By my mother?”  

“No.  By your father.”  

Rupert’s shoulders sunk and he rubbed his face tiredly.  It seemed like he learned about another one of his father’s atrocities daily.  “I’m so sorry.  He was a monster, and I wish I could undo all the suffering he caused.”  

“Mine too,” Amir said softly.  

“He’d been gone for a few years when it happened, but it was still his law that did it.”  Milo sneered in disgust and turned his head away.  “Makes my stomach roll just thinking about it.”  

“I know.  I’m so sorry.”  

He looked over at Rupert and met his eyes.  “You’re going to do better than him.”  It didn’t sound like a reassurance.  It sounded like a demand.  

Amir stood.  “I think we’ve bothered you two long enough, especially for how late it is.”  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of gold.  “Here.  Thank you for coming on such short notice.  And thank you for all your help.”  

Milo and Rodney stood, too, and let Amir show them to the door.  “Make sure these two get home safe,” he said to the guard.  “Have a good night.”  

Rodney looked over his shoulder at Rupert, and Rupert waved at him with a smile.  

He allowed it to fall the second the door was shut and slumped into the couch.  Amir sat down next to him and drew him close.  “Do you feel any better, at least?”  

A hysterical laugh bubbled up in Rupert’s throat but it easily turned to tears.  

“My love,” Amir crooned, rubbing Rupert’s arms.  “We’re going to figure this out, okay?  I’m going to write my mother a letter and see if she knows anything about magic, or someone who does.  My father outlawed magic too, but I think my mother repealed it as soon as she took the throne.  There has to be something out there.”  

Rupert snuffled, and Amir offered him a handkerchief.  He blew his nose.  “What if there isn’t?  What if I never find out how to get rid of this and I never figure out how to do the water spell and my magic builds up and I kill everyone?”  

“That’s not going to happen.  There’s much more out there than just these three kingdoms.”  He sighed, kissing the top of Rupert’s head.  “I wish I could just fix all your problems for you.”  

“I wish I didn’t have so many problems that needed fixing.”  He looked up at Amir, his eyes sore from crying.  “Will you still love me if I become an out-of-control magical monster?”  

“ Of course I will.”  Even though Rupert’s words had been ridiculous, Amir’s tone was sincere.  It made Rupert giggle a little at how horribly unfunny this whole thing was.  He tucked his head under Amir’s chin, kissing his neck as an afterthought.  

He thought about what Amir said.  There’s so much more out there.  We’ll find someone.  It echoed in his brain on loop.  

Then he got an idea.  

“There is ,” he whispered, sitting up.  “There’s someone out there – two someones, actually.”  He stood.  “I don’t know why they’d help us – they have no reason to, but it’s worth a shot.  I need to write some letters.  Where’s the good parchment?”  

“Who is it, Ru?”  

He paused his hunt for some paper and turned.  “The only two spellcasters we know are still alive.  Malkia and Upendo.”  

Chapter Text

Pull the water toward you, Rupert thought, his brow furrowing as he concentrated on his mental image.  Pull it from the air and into your hand.  Or pull it from that cup of tea Amir brought you twenty minutes ago that you forgot to drink and is definitely too cold now.    

He growled a little in frustration.  “The water, Rupert,” he scolded himself.  “Think about the water.”  

He thought about the water in the teacup.  Thought about it traveling up and into his hand.  He clenched his eyes shut to keep his mind from wandering.  

He dropped his hand after several minutes with no progress.  

“Any luck?”  

Rupert looked over his shoulder to see Amir standing in the doorway.  “No,” Rupert said.  He made room for him on the couch.  

Amir joined him.  “Your hand looks a little wet, though?  That’s something, right?”  

“No, I think I’m just sweaty.”  He rubbed his hands on his pants.  “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.  I’m visualizing it just like he said.”  Amir tugged on Rupert’s legs and he allowed himself to be maneuvered until his calves were draped across his husband’s lap.  “Maybe I’ve just exhausted myself.”  

“You have been at this for almost two hours straight.”  Amir placed a hand on Rupert’s shin.  “I think you should take a break.”  

Rupert nodded in agreement.  “I’m sorry.”  

“For what?”  

“That this is all so time consuming.  We barely had time for each other before all of this happened.”  

Amir shook his head.  “You don’t have to be sorry for that.  It’s not your fault.”  

“But it’s my magic that’s having problems.”  He still didn’t like saying those two words together.  

“That doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”  Amir finished massaging Rupert’s calves and moved down to his ankles.  

Rupert frowned and looked at the shelf full of books, a quarter of which he still needed to read.  Chamberlain’s collection was far from extensive, and most of the material was focused on historical accounts and theories of how magic came to be.  Interesting to read, but not of much help.  

“Any word from your mother yet?” he asked.  

“Yes, actually.  She’s looking into it and trying to find any magic users who might be of help.”  Amir laughed a little.  “She also reminded me that I have technically used magic before.”  

Rupert tore his gaze from the book titles and turned back to face Amir.  “What?  When?”  

“The Lake of Transition.”  

Rupert blinked at him.  Then he snorted.  “You forgot about that?”  

“I changed my body almost five years ago!  A lot’s happened since then!”  

“Babe, you have to drink a serum twice a month to maintain it!”  The laughter escaped, and it was only exacerbated by Amir’s horrible attempts to mask his own laughter with a pout.  

When he had mostly calmed down, he scooted closer so he could wrap his arms around Amir’s neck and press his forehead against his shoulder.  

“It’s been a really long couple of months, okay?” Amir said, pretending to sound more hurt than he actually was.  

Rupert’s giggling finally died down.  “I know, baby.”  He hugged him tighter.  “Thank you.  I needed that.”  

“You know what else I think you need?”  

“Hmm?”  

“Our bed.”  

He smiled a little but pulled away.  “That sounds really nice, but I don’t think I’d be very good company, with as worried as I am about –”  

“I meant for a nap.”  

The smile faded entirely.  “Oh.  I don’t have time for a nap.”  

Amir stood, pulling Rupert up to his feet.  “My love, you’ve been staying up late to read.  When we’re not tending to our kingdom, you’re spending whatever free time you’d normally have either practicing or studying.  You are wearing yourself out.”  When he tried to pull him in the direction of their bed, Rupert resisted.  Amir sighed.  “Alright, we can do this one of two ways.  You can come quietly, or I’ll just have to use my magic powers to make you take a nap.”  

Rupert made a face.  “ Your magic powers?  What, are you gonna hit me with a brick or something?”  

Amir rolled his eyes.  “I’m going to give you a long backrub.  With the lavender oils you like.”  

“When has that ever made me fall asleep?”  

“I’ll just do it for a long time.  That way, even if it’s not relaxing enough, it could still bore you to sleep.”  

Rupert laughed again.  “You’re such a nerd.”  He draped his arms around his neck and kissed his nose.  “You really want me to sleep that badly?”  

“I do.”  

“On one condition: you wake me up if anything happens.”  

“Alright.”  

“And I mean it.  If I wake up and find that you let me sleep through something you shouldn’t have, I’m going to make a pillow wall between us every night for the next week.”  

Amir smiled.  “Deal.  Now come on.”  He nudged him toward the mattress.  “Put on something to sleep in and get comfortable.”  

When Rupert complied, Amir got into bed next to him.  “Are you going to take a nap with me?” Rupert asked.  “I thought you were supposed to be on the lookout for news.”  

“I’m just going to stay here until you fall asleep.”  Amir propped his head on his elbow.  “And make sure you actually sleep.”  

Rupert leaned up and kissed him.  

Then he kissed him again.  And again.  

Amir kissed him back each time, but made a noise of dissent after a moment and pulled away.  “Nice try, love, but distracting me won’t work.”  

That hadn’t been Rupert’s intention – honestly, he’d just meant to kiss him the once – but something about how they were lying made him realize how much he missed his husband.  “Not even for just five minutes?” he asked as sweetly as he could.  

“The last time we said five minutes, it turned into forty-five.”  Amir draped his free arm around Rupert’s waist.  “Go to sleep.  There’ll be time for us later.”  

Rupert had no idea why that hit him square in the chest, but it did.  He swallowed hard.  “What if there isn’t?” he whispered.  “What if I never figure this out, and I lose control again and I –”  

“You won’t.”  

“You don’t know that.”  

“I do.”  

“How?  How can you be so certain?”  

“Because it’s us,” Amir said.  “We’re destiny, remember?  We always get through it, no matter what.”  He reached out and brushed Rupert’s tears away before drawing him nearer.  

Rupert blinked.  “This is why I don’t cry in front of people,” he mumbled miserably.  “I cried in front of you once on our wedding day and now I’m always gushing like a fountain.”  

Amir chuckled.  “I wouldn’t go that far.”  He rubbed Rupert’s back.  “But I love that you trust me enough to be vulnerable like this in front of me.”  

“You’re gonna make me cry harder!”  

“Maybe you need to cry, and get it all out of your system.  And it might make it easier for you to go to sleep.”  

Rupert rebelliously wiped his eyes and rolled over.  “This was all part of an elaborate scheme to make me take a nap?”  

“Yeah,” Amir deadpanned.  “You caught me.  Is it working?”  

“No.”  He snuggled back against Amir’s chest.  “Talk to me.”  

“About what?”  

“Anything.”  He drew the blanket up to his chin.  “Just until I fall asleep.”  

“Well, I can tell you a story my mother used to tell me when I was younger.”  

“Is it the one about the three princes?”  

“Mm-hmm.  There was once a king.  A benevolent one, not a tyrant like our fathers were.  And he had three sons.  Tradition usually dictated that the eldest son became king once his father died, but this king had another idea.  One morning, he called his sons into the throne room and said to them, "I will give each of you ten gold pieces, and I want you to find me a treasure.  Whoever finds the greatest treasure will be king.”   And so the three sons set out in search of a great treasure...”  

Amir’s voice grew softer, gentler, as he told the story.  

Rupert, surprising himself as much as Amir, actually drifted off.  

When he woke up, the first thing he did was drape his arm over his eyes to keep the sun out.  

The second thing he did was shoot up in bed because they had east-facing windows, and it had been early afternoon when he’d settled down for his nap.  

Fitzroy grumbled a little in his sleep but otherwise didn’t stir as Rupert ran to the window to confirm that yes, it was in fact morning.  

He’d slept for at least eighteen hours.  

That meant Amir hadn’t woken him at all yesterday.  

It also meant that he really had to go to the bathroom.  

Once that was remedied, he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, and got dressed.  

He’d just finished pulling his shirt on when Amir walked in from his morning patrol.  “Sleep well?” he had the audacity to ask.  

“Why didn’t you wake me?”  Rupert ran his fingers through his hair in a haphazard attempt to style it.  

“Nothing needed your attention, and you were so tired.  I thought it’d be better to let you rest.”  He hugged Rupert from behind and kissed the back of his neck.  “Forgive me?”  

He sighed.  “You promise?”  

“I promise.  Nothing happened.  Chamberlain and I went through some more books that he’d found, but we didn’t turn up any new information.  There weren’t any emergencies.  No letters came.  The whole evening was entirely uneventful.”  He kissed Rupert’s cheek.  “Do you feel any better?”  

“A little.  But I am pretty hungry.”  

“Breakfast is waiting for us in the dining hall.”  

Fitzroy finally stirred at the mention of food, and the three of them walked down the stairs.  

Wenceslaus was already sitting at the table when they arrived, bouncing a little in his chair.  “I can’t believe you slept that long!” he said to Rupert, serving himself the second everyone was seated.  

“I can’t either.”  He frowned at Wenceslaus’ plate.  “Are you going to be able to finish all of that?”  

He nodded.  “I was really hungry at dinner, too.  Amir said it’s because I’m going to go through a growth squirt.”  

“Growth spurt ,” Amir corrected.  

Rupert smiled and fixed his own plate.  

There was a knock at the door halfway through their meal, and a squire – was it Thompson or Tomlin? - came in.  “Sorry to interrupt, Your Highnesses,” he said, “but a letter just arrived via carrier crow.”  

“Carrier crow ?”  Rupert and Amir exchanged a glance.  Rupert took the letter, tipped the squire – it was Tomlin –, and opened it up.  His heart stopped.  

“Ru, what is it?”  

“It’s from Upendo .”  He read it again.  

“What does it say?”  

“They won’t come to the Heartland.”  

Amir sighed.  “We knew it was a long shot, love.”  

“They want me to come to them .”  

“What?”  He walked over to Rupert and read the letter too.  “I’ve never been that far north before.”  

“I haven’t either.”  He looked over at Wenceslaus, who’d stopped eating to observe, then back at Amir.  “But this is my best chance to figure out how to get rid of my magic, or at the very least learn to cast a spell so I don’t discharge again.”  

Amir met his eyes.  “You really want to go?”  

“I don’t want to.  But yes.”  He took the letter back.  “I’m sure there’s someone who can point me in the right direction.”  

“Um?”  Amir took his arm, turning them away from their kid.  “I’m going with you, Rupert.”  

“I can’t ask you to do that.  Besides, what about Wenceslaus?  What about our kingdom?  We can’t just leave them alone.”  

“We have a team of advisors, Ru.  They can keep an eye on things.  And between Chamberlain, Joan, and Cecily, Wenceslaus will be in good hands.  Push comes to shove, my mother can come watch him.”  

Rupert bit his lip.  “If you want to come with me, I’m not going to stop you.  It’d be really good to have you there too.”  He took a breath.  “We don’t have to have this figured out right now.  We can take some time to plan before we head out.”  

“Agreed.”  Amir took Rupert’s hand.  “Come on, let’s finish breakfast before it gets cold.”  

They sat back down at the table.  

Even though Rupert was starving, the rest of the food he ate seemed to stick in his throat.  Part of him was relieved and glad that Upendo and Malkia had offered to help him, but a bigger part of him was terrified for what could come next.

Chapter Text

Rupert crept down the stairs, wrapped tightly in a cloak to fight off the chill as he descended.  Even though this was his castle, and he could go where he pleased without getting into trouble, old habit kept him from making noise.  

He stopped in front of a door that looked like it belonged to one of the three prison cells in the dungeon.  A guard stood in front of it and bowed quickly when she saw Rupert.  “Can I help you, Your Highness?” she asked.  

“Open it, please.”  

She pulled a key out and unlocked the door for him before pushing it open.  He stepped inside and tried not to wince when the door shut behind him.  He looked at the chests of gold, jewels, jewelry, gilded heirlooms that had been wedding presents.  He ran his fingers over a nearby pile of coins.  If he and Amir got their way, the treasury would only be half full by the next year.  

He picked up a bag and counted out fifty gold coins, one hundred shillings, and seventy-five brass pennies.  Then he marked it down in the ledger so the treasurers wouldn’t have heart attacks.  He set the bag aside and walked deeper into the room.  

Between the wall and a cabinet full of jewel-encrusted serving dishes (which were, according to his mother, strictly ornamental ), there was a well-hidden gap that opened up into a small room, blocked by a barred door.  He produced the key from his pocket and unlocked it, stepping in and approaching the table.  

They held their most valuable items in this part of the treasury.  The Forbidden Book (or, as it was called in the East, The Book of Prophecy) sat alone on a shelf in the left corner.  Just over two months ago, their wedding rings had been in a sealed case on the opposite side.  Amir had brought with him a special sword, his first sword, which held a different kind of value, and it was on a rack.  

What Rupert was after, however, rested right in front of him in a plain footlocker.  

He pulled a second key out of his pocket and unlocked it.  Then, with a deep breath, he lifted the lid, staring down at the sword inside.  

Rupert didn’t like swords.  He trained with one because it was necessary to know how to use at least a few weapons, but swords in particular left a sick feeling in his gut.  Maybe it was because he’d had one pointed at him too many times.  Maybe it was because he’d had to use one against his now-husband.  

This sword had almost been used against him.  And then it was used for him.  He never actually got to fight with it, and he’d hoped it would stay that way.  He still hoped it would stay that way.  

He lifted it out of the box.  Perfectly balanced, custom-made at Amir’s behest, a corny little inscription on the hilt (also Amir’s doing).  

It really was a beautiful blade.  

He slid it back into its sheath and closed the box as quietly as possible.  

“I can’t even remember the last time I caught you sneaking around this late at night.”  

Rupert swiveled, his hand going to his dagger as a reflex, but immediately relaxed when he saw Chamberlain.  “You startled me,” he said.  “And I’m not sneaking around in my own castle.”  

“You’re wearing common clothing and your quietest pair of shoes,” Chamberlain observed.  

Rupert looked down and confirmed this.  “Force of habit.”  He tucked the sword under his arm and walked out of the hidden room.  Chamberlain followed him.  “Are you having trouble sleeping?  Is that why you’re not in bed?”  

“No, I just returned.”  

Rupert made a face.  “Your date with Barabbas went this late?”  

“That it did.  Now, do you want to tell me why you’re not sleeping?  You have a big day tomorrow.”  

“I know.  That’s why I wanted to grab this.”  He picked up the bag of coins.  “I didn’t want to forget.”  

“And may I ask what you’re planning on doing with that sword?”  

“It shattered Malkia’s amulet and stripped her of her magic.  Maybe it can do the same for me.”  

Chamberlain frowned.  “You don’t have an amulet, sire.”  

“If I get one, I can use this sword to break it.”  

“Your Highness, I would temper your desire to get rid of your magic.  It is, after all, a part of you.”  

“Warts are a part of people too, and we still get rid of them .”  He sighed, setting his things down next to the ledger.  “Do you want me to keep it?”  

“I want you to do whatever is best for you.”  He sat down in the chair next to the table.  Rupert realized that this would be a longer conversation than he’d intended and hopped up onto a counter, upsetting a cup of pencils in the process.  “Why don’t you want to keep it?”  

Rupert gestured vaguely.  “Everything that’s happened?  I don’t want that power, Chamberlain.  I don’t want to be able to summon the dead or steal memories or absorb sad people .  I don’t want to be like Malkia or the D-word.”  

“But you’re not Malkia or the Despair.  You’re Rupert.  And I think you should give yourself more credit.” 

Rupert ran a hand through his hair.  It was getting longer.  “You give me too much credit.”  He bit his lip and looked down at his lap, swinging his legs a little so his feet would thump against the counter and prevent total silence.  “I don’t understand why you think I’m special.  And if I am , I don’t want to be.  I want to be ordinary.”  He rubbed at his wrists.  

“Rupert, there’s beauty in being different.”  

“And there’s beauty in being normal, too.”  He blinked hard.  “Haven’t I done enough, Chamberlain?  Haven’t I earned peace?  Even for a moment?  Why can’t I rest?”  

“You haven’t been sleeping well,” Chamberlain said, even though they both knew that wasn’t what Rupert meant.  “Rupert, it’s not a matter of whether you deserve something.  There will always be more for you to do.”  When Rupert sniffled, Chamberlain stood and put a hand on Rupert’s knee.  “What’s important is that you remember that there will also always be someone willing to help you.  You’ll never be alone, even when you feel alone.”  

“That’s not true.”  

“There will always be someone, even if you haven’t met them yet.  You just need to reach out.”  

Rupert wiped at his eyes.  “What if I hurt someone?  What if – what if I let myself become corrupt and lash out?  I know I can hurt people in other ways, but magic is deadlier.”  

“If you can’t believe in yourself, believe in me.”  Chamberlain tapped his hand a few times so Rupert would look up.  “The fact that this scares you is a good sign.  And if anyone can fight off the temptation to commit wrongdoings, it’s you.”  

“You don’t know that.”  

“I watched you do it for years.”  

That made Rupert laugh.  “Oh?  And what about all those times I picked the lock on my door or cut up my clothes or snuck out the window?  Those weren’t wrongdoings?”  

Instead of laughing along like Rupert expected, Chamberlain’s eyes grew sad.  “No,” he said firmly, “they weren’t.”  

Rupert couldn’t do anything to combat the discomfort of this silence.  

“I wish I had done more,” Chamberlain continued.  

“You did what you could.”  

“It wasn’t enough.”  

Rupert shook his head.  “That doesn’t mean it was your fault.”  He looked up at him.  “Chamberlain, I never once blamed you for any of it.  I need you to know that.  And -”  His voice cracked.  “And I’ve wanted to tell you that I love you too.  I just couldn’t say it until it was too late.”  He did not expect to be doing this here and now, but life never gave him good timing.  Tears welled up in his eyes.  “I don’t want you to think I took you for granted, or that I didn’t appreciate all that you did for me, even if I didn’t understand it at the time.  You did what you could to keep me as safe and as happy as possible, and I saw it, even if I didn’t know.  And I – and I -”  The tears fell.  “I’m so sorry that it took you dying for me to tell you any of it.”  

Chamberlain pulled him into a hug.  “You have nothing to be sorry for.  I kept everything to myself too, you know.”  

Rupert wiped his eyes.  “Look, if I really didn’t think you were a good father figure, I wouldn’t be trusting you around Wenceslaus.”  He pursed his lips a little.  “ Barabbas , however …”  

“I know he’s not your favorite.”  

“I love how happy he makes you, don’t get me wrong, but you’re an adult.  He can’t be that bad of an influence on you.  But Wenceslaus is eight, and Barabbas’ rebellious nature is going to be very intriguing to him.”  He sighed and laughed a little.  “I know I would’ve lost my mind if I knew someone like that when I was his age.”  

“I’ll be sure to keep Barabbas away from him.”  

“You don’t have to go that far.  I know you two like to have dinner together.  Just … don’t leave them unsupervised?”  

“You have my word, sire.”  

Chamberlain would never stop calling him by his titles.  To be fair, Rupert would never stop calling him Chamberlain.  

Rupert hopped off the counter and grabbed his things.  “Thank you,” he said, “for having faith in me.”  

“You give me plenty of reason to.”  He stepped out of the treasury as Rupert held the door for him.  “Have a good night, Your Highness.”  

“Goodnight, Chamberlain.”  

Rupert didn’t sleep the rest of the night.  He stretched out on the couch and watched Amir sleep in their bed.  He was thankful his husband was such a heavy sleeper.  If Amir knew he was awake, he’d lose sleep worrying about why Rupert wasn’t in bed.  

As he watched, his mind wandered to Chamberlain’s words.  His certainty, his confidence.  It made him feel a little better.  

Chamberlain’s advice hadn’t steered him wrong before.  

He stood and added another log to the fire.  

“Ru?”  

He turned and saw Amir sitting up in bed, staring blearily at him.  “Hey,” Rupert said, moving to sit next to him.  “What’re you doing up?”  

“You first.”  

“Making sure we don’t freeze.”  

“Mmm.”  Amir hugged Rupert around the waist and pressed his forehead against his shoulder.  Rupert stroked his hair.  “Another nightmare.”  

He’d been afraid of that.  “It was just a dream, sweetheart.  It’s not going to happen.  And I’m right here.”  

Amir hugged him tighter.  “Say that again.”  

“I’m right here.”  Rupert kissed the top of his head.  This was, unfortunately, a common occurrence.  Every victim of the Despair seemed to suffer bad dreams, and his husband was no exception.  Some nights were better than others, and the frequency had gone from every night to four or five times a week, but it still made Rupert’s heart roar.  

Everyone was in pain, and he’d had a hand in it.  

“I’m right here,” he repeated.  He couldn’t change what had happened.  He just had to deal with the consequences, and mitigate any anguish the best he could.  “Let’s get you back to sleep.”  

He coaxed Amir back into the bed, pulling the blanket up over him.  Amir didn’t let go of Rupert, and tugged on him until he relented and lay down next to him.  Amir hummed contently at this and rested his head on Rupert’s chest, right over his heart, draping an arm across his stomach.  

“’M sorry, Ru,” Amir mumbled.  

Rupert wrapped his arms around him.  “I know.  I’m sorry too.”  

“Talk to me?”  

Rupert obliged, recounting the time he learned to make bread.  

Amir fell asleep quickly.  His ability to do that had always made Rupert jealous.  

Amir had him pinned, so he couldn’t get out of the bed.  He didn’t really mind.  He stared up at the ceiling and let his mind wander again.  

The door opened thirty minutes later.  Rupert couldn’t sit up, but he didn’t need to.  He knew who it was.  

Little feet padded towards the bed.  He heard a sniffle.  Rupert turned his head and could just make out Wenceslaus’ form against the dulling firelight.  

“Come here,” he whispered.  

Wenceslaus crawled into the bed, curling up against Rupert and putting his head on the other side of his chest.  Spike hopped up onto the mattress a moment later and settled against Wenceslaus’ legs.  He, like Amir, was able to drift off without much issue.  

Rupert wasn’t a fan of being restrained or held down, but this was the lone exception.  Having two of the people he loved most, actively seeking comfort from him, resting on him, letting him hold them close and wipe their tears away when necessary – it made him feel needed and appreciated and so lucky .  

He was so lucky.  

He closed his eyes and made himself stop worrying, let himself appreciate this, didn’t pay any thought to why Amir and Wenceslaus needed comfort, just let himself be glad that he was able to provide it.  

Even though he didn’t always feel like it, there were things he was good at.  Important things, like this.  

And he was thankful his family was here to remind him.  

Chapter Text

Rupert watched the morning come with tired but contented eyes.  Amir and Wenceslaus hadn’t moved away from his embrace, but Porridge had gotten a little jealous and moved to rest his head on Rupert’s feet.  Fitzroy took issue with this and forced himself between Rupert’s legs to sleep against his thighs.  

Sleeplessness was, of course, not healthy, but he appreciated the extra time it gave him to think and reflect.  He’d been able to go over everything that needed doing before he and Amir set off later in the day, and found that they were very prepared.  But that made him worry about Wenceslaus, who’d be staying behind, which prompted him to make a list of everything that they’d do together as a family when he and Amir got back from the far north.  That made him think about how much he loved his home, how excited he was to come back to it, and then he thought about how lucky he was and made list after list of everything and everyone he loved.  

He was still terrified of his magic, and of traveling through unfamiliar territory, but he felt calmer about it than he had before.  

Amir was the first to stir, stretching a little before leaning up to kiss Rupert’s cheek.  He frowned when he saw that Rupert was awake.  “How long have you been up?”  

“A while.”  

Amir sat up.  “How long is a while ?”  

Rupert didn’t answer and Amir’s frown deepened.  “Baby,” he whispered.  “You didn’t sleep at all?  Are you going to be okay to travel?”  

“I’ll be fine.”  

“What kept you up?”  

“I just couldn’t sleep.”  

Amir’s eyes traveled to Wenceslaus.  “Another nightmare?”  

“I think so.  But he didn’t wake up again.”  Porridge grumbled when he flexed his toes.  It drew Amir’s attention and he laughed a little.  Rupert shrugged.  “Everyone wanted to cuddle with me last night.”  

“So I see.  Do you need help getting up?”  

“Yes please.”  

Amir lifted Porridge’s head – not an easy feat because the dragon was still half asleep – until he was off of Rupert.  Fitzroy was easier to deal with.  He stirred when Rupert squeezed his legs together and huffed when he didn’t relent, clambering over to the far side of the bed.  “Dramatic much?” Rupert whispered to his dog.  

“As someone who’s been between your legs more times than he can count, I totally understand.”  

Rupert swatted him, clenching his mouth shut to keep from laughing.  He slid out from underneath Wenceslaus, guiding his head onto a pillow.  When he made a little noise, they both shushed him.  Rupert stroked his forehead, pushing his hair back, then stood and stretched.  Amir hugged him tightly, nuzzling into him and yawning again.  “I’m worried about you, Ru.”  

“I’m sorry.”  

“Don’t be sorry, sleep more.”  

He laughed emptily.  “It’s not that easy.”  

“I’m gonna start watching over you like I did last week.”  

“Then you’re not going to get any sleep, either.”  

Amir shrugged.  “Then I just won’t sleep.”  

Rupert frowned.  “You can’t stop taking care of yourself just because I have insomnia.  I’ll be fine.”  He cupped Amir’s face with his hands.  “I appreciate the thought, but I don’t want you throwing yourself into the fire for me.”  

Or into another Despair.  

He sucked in a breath at the thought, and pressed his forehead against his husband’s.  Amir’s right here, Amir’s right here, Amir’s right here.  

“Hey,” Amir whispered, bringing his hands to the back of Rupert’s neck.  “I just don’t want to see you suffer.”  

“And you not sleeping on my account is going to make me suffer more because I’ll feel bad for that too.”  He felt his frown deepen.  “I already feel bad enough as it is.”  

“For what, love?”  

“Worrying you.”  

Amir brushed Rupert’s hair from his face.  “You have nothing to feel bad about.  I’m always going to worry about you.  Aren’t you always worried about me?”  

“Of course.”  But after everything you went through, I should be fussing over you , not the other way around.   He closed his eyes.  He wondered where that optimism from a few minutes ago had run off to.  “But that’s different, isn’t it?”  

“I don’t think it is.”  Amir looked over at Wenceslaus, who was still fast asleep, and took Rupert’s hands.  “Come on, love.  Let’s go for a walk.”  

He led Rupert through the quiet hallway and out into the garden.  It was fairly small, compared to the gardens in the West, and mainly consisted of flowers and herbs that could be harvested and used in teas or bath soaks.  In the center of it was a big fountain that Amir was partial to, and they sat down on the edge.  Rupert looked down into the water, counting the coins at the bottom.  

There were more than usual, and he wondered if it had anything to do with the Despair.  Did people toss a coin into the fountain and wish for an end to the nightmares, for the memories of their deaths to be replaced with something benign?  

Rupert wished he could do more to end his people’s suffering.  But all the gold in their treasury wouldn’t grant him any such favor.  

“Ru, talk to me.”  

“What about?”  

“Why aren’t you sleeping?  Is it really just because of your magic, or is it something else?”  He took his hands.  “You know that staying awake for so long is bad for you, right?”  

Rupert pulled his hands away with a burst of annoyance.  “Yes, I know that.  It’s not like I do it on purpose.  Sometimes I just can’t sleep.”  

“It’s more than sometimes , Ru.  The only time I can recall you sleeping through the night was when I made you take that nap.”  

“How would you even know that I’m not sleeping?  You sleep like the – ”  He stopped and self-corrected, choosing a different comparison.  “Like a log, or like Porridge, or like my mom when she’s had too much wine.”  

“Just because I’m a heavy sleeper doesn’t mean I don’t notice how tired you are.”  He took Rupert’s hands again.  “Rupert, I’m not trying to fight you.  I just want to know what’s going on.”  

“And I’m telling you it’s nothing.”  

“It’s clearly not nothing.”  

“Why won’t you believe me?” Rupert snapped.  “Why are you even bothering to ask me anything if you’re not going to believe me when I tell you the truth?”  He stood and began to pace.  “Just because something is new to you doesn’t mean it’s new to me.  This is something I’ve been dealing with off and on for a long time, and I’m telling you that even if there is a reason, I have no idea what it is.”  He took a breath and hugged himself to hide the trembling of his hands.  

Amir was quiet for a long moment.  “Is that why you won’t try any sleep aids?  Because they haven’t worked before?”  

Rupert nodded.  “Besides, I need to be able to wake up at a moment’s notice if anyone needs me.  Most of the sleeping draughts will knock you out for ten hours and nothing will be able to wake you, not even Porridge, Spike, and Fitzroy simultaneously yelling right next to the pillow.”  

“Who would need you?”  

Rupert froze, an icy dread radiating from his sternum.  “People need me,” he said, his voice threatening to break.  

Amir was on his feet in an instant, pulling Rupert into his arms.  “No, no, no, no, no, no, that’s not what I meant.  That’s not what I meant.”  

Rupert hugged him back, staring at nothing over his shoulder as tears formed in his eyes.  He wished he could stop crying in front of his husband.  

Amir rubbed Rupert’s back.  “ This is also what worries me,” he admitted, moving to kiss Rupert’s hair.  “You seem a lot more … sensitive lately.  It makes me think you’re expecting the worst, that you’re losing your optimism.”  

“I’m sorry.”  

“I don’t want you to be sorry, Ru.  I want you to be happy.”  He paused.  “Aren’t you happy?”  

The tears fell.  “ Of course I am.  I have you, I have Wenceslaus, I have a kingdom, I – I have everything .”  

Amir tightened his grip, crushing Rupert to him.  “So why are you crying?”  

“Because I haven’t slept properly in a week, and I’m worried about what’ll happen when we go see Malkia and Upendo, and I’m worried about whether Wenceslaus will be okay, and I’m worried about you and our people.”  He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that would make the tears stop.  “And I talked to Chamberlain last night and I think I’m still a little raw from that.”  

Amir made a soft, sympathetic noise.  “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”  

Rupert pulled away enough to look at him.  “Amir, you’re here with me.”  His chin trembled.  “That’s all I’m ever going to need.”  

Amir kissed his forehead, then the tear tracks on his face.  “I hate seeing you like this.”  

“I know.  I’m sorry.”  He wiped his eyes.  “I know it seems like it’s always something with me, and that I can be hard to love at times, especially now with everything that’s going on, but I want you to know that it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to have you.”  

“Hard to love?” Amir echoed.  “Rupert, that’s not true in the slightest.  Loving you comes as naturally to me as breathing.”  He took his face in his hands and met his eyes.  “Loving you isn’t a curse.  Being with you isn’t a curse.  It’s a choice that I make every single day and I haven’t regretted it once.  And I will never regret it.”  

“We’ve known each other less than a year and just look at everything that’s happened.”  

“That’s how I know.  We’ve come through every single challenge and we’re still alive.”  

Rupert broke into sobs, burying his face in his hands.  Amir rubbed his arms.  His voice grew softer.  “I love you, Rupert, and when I say I’m here for you, I don’t mean until it gets bad.  Loving you isn’t less easy on those days than it is on others.  I’m here , Rupert, and that’s not going to change.  I’ll always be here to take care of you and protect you.”  He kissed his head, enveloping him in a hug.  “ I’m lucky to have you .”  

“You and Chamberlain both believe in me so much,” Rupert said once most of the tears subsided.  “I still don’t really know why or what I did to deserve it.  And I don’t want to mess it up.  I don’t want to mess any of this up.”  He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.  “I’m scared that my magic is going to cause a whole bunch of new problems.”  

“It might, but Malkia and Upendo will be there to help you solve them.  And I’ll be there to help mitigate any fallout.”  Amir kissed his forehead.  “You’re the strongest person I know, Ru.  If anyone can handle this and come out better for it, it’s you.”  

“Thank you.”  He kissed Amir’s cheek.  “For everything.  I know I’m kind of a wreck right now, and that I have been a wreck for a while, but you do make me feel better.  Even if it doesn’t seem like it.”  

Amir smiled – his special, slightly crooked smile that was just for Rupert – and drew him into a long kiss.  “Did you want to go back inside?” he asked.  “Maybe grab a shower before Wenceslaus wakes up?”  

Rupert chuckled a little, loving that Amir knew him well enough to know to offer a distraction.  “You go ahead inside.  I want to collect myself before we do any … showering.  Give me five minutes?”  

“Okay.”  They kissed once more before Amir went back into the castle, looking over his shoulder at Rupert as he did.  

Rupert sat back down on the edge of the fountain, dipping and swishing his fingers through the freezing water.  Touching water made him think about the spell he still couldn’t do.  The frustration was easy to manage, especially after the giant emotional release that breaking down in front of his husband had provided.  

He wasn’t okay.  Anyone with eyes could see it.  As much as he liked to pretend that he could fake it – he used to be able to fake it really well – those skills had dwindled and died out.  

He’d dealt with some bad stuff as a kid, he could admit that to himself now, and while it hadn’t really made him tougher, it had made him a bit harder to certain things.  He was used to disappointment and he was used to being alone, and he had a very high (and, according to his new healer, concerning ) tolerance for pain.  

Maybe he hadn’t become hard like steel; maybe he’d become hard like glass.  Maybe something had finally shattered him.  

But as alone as he sometimes felt, Amir and Chamberlain were always there to remind him that he wasn’t .  That he had people who loved him and wanted to see him happy .  

He lifted his hand out of the water and shook it out, watching the droplets fly and catch light as they fell.  

There were days that happy felt like a pipe dream, but there was still hope.  And hope was easier to believe in when he had as much love as he did.  

Rupert sighed and closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts so he could go back inside with a clear mind.  When he reopened them, he gasped.  

There, in his hand, was an imperfect sphere of water.  

Chapter Text

Rupert went over the checklist one last time, walking around the carriage to make sure everything was packed and ready.  

“Your Highness,” Barabbas said, walking up to him.  “I just wanted to wish you the best of luck on your journey.”  

“Thank you.  And about Wenceslaus –”  

“No harm will come to him.”  

Rupert looked up at him, the mere suggestion of his kid getting hurt boiling his blood.  “Oh no, you’re not putting him in harm’s way.  You’re not putting him adjacent to harm’s way.  I'm not banning you from being around him because I trust Chamberlain , not you.  Don’t make me regret that.”  

Barabbas looked taken aback, which both surprised and didn’t surprise Rupert at the same time.  Then he laughed a little.  “You and Ronnie are so much alike, did you know that?”  

“What?”  

“Unassuming but secretly just a little terrifying.”  

Rupert turned on his heel and walked away with a huff.  

“I didn’t mean any offense, Your Highness.  I don’t say unassuming to mean unattractive .  I just mean that you can blend in with a crowd, that people are capable of glossing over you.”  

“This isn’t helping your case, Barabbas.”  There were two carriage horses hitched to the coach, and Rupert stroked one of them as he calmed down.  She headbutted his shoulder and he smiled, taking one of the treats he’d stashed in his pocket and feeding it to her.  “You’re gonna get us there safe, right Diana?”  He kissed her nose.  The other horse neighed at Rupert and he turned to her.  “ Of course I didn’t forget about you, Pandeia .  Here you go.”  He gave her a treat and hugged her around the neck.  

Barabbas continued, trying to pull himself up out of his self-dug grave as if the stakes were much higher than they really were.  “The fact that most people don’t take a second look at you makes it even more special for the people who do , because they see what’s beneath the surface.”  

“My plain, wallflower surface?”  

“I never said you were plain.”  

Chamberlain walked up behind Barabbas and Rupert smiled at him.  “Hey,” he said, “can you help your boyfriend pull his foot out of his mouth?”  

Chamberlain looked at his partner.  “And what have you told him?”  

“That you’re both unexpectedly scary when you want to be.”  

“You said I was ugly.”  

“I did not !  I said unassuming .”  

“Isn’t that the same thing?”  

“Of course not!  Just because you don’t stand out at a first glance doesn’t mean you don’t make up for it.”  

Rupert rolled his eyes.  “And next you’re going to tell me I have a great personality.”  

Barabbas opened his mouth to argue, but Chamberlain put a hand on his shoulder.  “Cut your losses with this one, dear.  You’re digging into bedrock.”  

Barabbas sighed.  “I meant it as a compliment.”  

Rupert took the apology by saying, “It’s good that you think I’m scary, though, since you’re gonna be around my kid.”  

“Don’t worry about us!  For the short time he’s in my care, I’ll be looking after him like he’s my own gosling!”  

Rupert shook his head.  “No, Barabbas, you’re going to be looking after him like he’s my gosling.”  

Amir joined the group, a little bag slung over his shoulder.  He kissed Rupert’s cheek in greeting and took his hand.  “Is everything alright?”  

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”  Rupert stepped closer to Amir, sharing his space.  “Barabbas was just offering to keep an eye on Wenceslaus.”  

“I mean, he babysat me when I lost my memories.”  

Rupert arched an eyebrow.  “Oh right, your brief stint as a singing highwayman.  Why doesn’t that reassure me?”  

Amir blinked, then looked over at Barabbas.  “Okay, he’s got us there.”  

“But I’ve renounced my criminal life!”  He beamed at Chamberlain.  “In the name of love.”  

Chamberlain smiled back, which warmed Rupert’s heart.  He didn’t like Barabbas, but he would tolerate him if Chamberlain smiled like that more often, so long as no one got hurt.  

Stars help Barabbas if Wenceslaus or Chamberlain got hurt because of him.  

“And that’s great,” Amir said.  

“It’s also one of the terms of your parole,” Rupert added.  

“I would’ve stopped even if it wasn’t!”  

Everyone voiced their disagreement, and Rupert shook his head.  “Look, Amir and I aren’t saying you can’t be around our kid.  That’ll only make him want to hang out with you more.  Just, don’t try to win him over with your whole easy life philosophy.  That’s not a message he needs to learn right now.”  

“Or should learn.  Ever,” Amir corrected.  

Barabbas held up his hands.  “You have my word.  I will be on my best behavior and only speak to the value of hard work.  Safe trip, Your Highnesses.”  

The three watched him walk away, then Chamberlain turned to him.  “I’ll keep an eye on him.”  

“Thank you.”  Rupert stepped forward and took his hands.  “You take care of yourself too, Chamberlain.”  

“And you do the same.  Developing your magic might be something you do alone, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be alone.”  He squeezed his hands.  “Don’t forget to ask for help, Rupert.”  

They hugged and Chamberlain shook Amir’s hand, reminding them to be careful up north, before walking back into the castle.  Rupert watched him go, his heart heavy.  He’d miss him.  

Amir hugged him from behind and Rupert leaned into the warmth, just in time to fight off a chill from the cold air.  “You packed all of your warmest clothes?” Rupert asked him.  

“I did.”  Amir kissed the back of his head.  “I love you, Ru.”  

“I love you too.  Are you going to keep me warm when we’re up there in freezing temperatures?”  

“I’ll try my best.”  Amir squeezed him affectionately.  “Are you going to keep me warm?”  

“Of course.  Did you know, one of the most effective ways to stay warm is to share body heat?  And I can think of a few ways –”  

“Ahoy, Your Highnesses!”  

They turned to see Joan walking towards them, Wenceslaus on her shoulders.  Cecily walked next to the two, towering over Joan’s head.  Rupert wondered how high her heels were, considering she was only an inch taller than Joan barefoot.  When the three arrived, Joan set Wenceslaus down and he closed the short distance between himself and Amir, hugging him around the waist and burying his face in his ribs.  Amir put a hand on his head, exchanging a look with Rupert.  

“What’s wrong, buddy?” Rupert asked his kid, glancing up at Cecily and Joan to see if they had any idea.  

“Take me with you,” came Wenceslaus’ muffled reply.  

Amir made a sympathetic noise and ruffled his hair.  “We talked about this, Wence.  It wouldn’t be safe for you to come with us.  You could get hurt.”  

“I can handle anything.  I’m tough!”  He had yet to release his grip on Amir.  

“ Of course you are, but that’s not the point.”  Rupert took a knee, putting a hand on Wenceslaus’ shoulder and wiping away his tears when he turned to look at him.  “Remember what we said?  About how we’re going up to the north so I can learn about my magic?  And how dangerous that might be?”  

He sniffled, rubbing an eye.  “Yeah.”  

“I don’t want to mess up and hurt you by accident.”  

“But I thought magic was a tool, like a sword, and it’s not dangerous if you know how to handle it properly.”  

“That’s the thing, bud.  I don’t know how to handle it properly.  So it is dangerous.  Just like how you don’t know how to use your sword yet, so Joan’s teaching you.  Malkia and Upendo are going to be teaching me.  But if you’re there too, Amir and I would be so focused on making sure you were safe that I wouldn’t be able to focus on learning.  It’s better if you stay here, where we know you’ll be okay.”  

“I’ll stay out of the way!”  

“Someone would still need to watch you,” Amir said.  

“And you’re never in the way,” Rupert added.  “Wenceslaus, I know how hard this is.  I don’t want to leave you either, but I know you’ll be okay because you have Joan and Cecily and Chamberlain if you ever need anything.”  

His chin trembled.  “What if I have a bad dream?”  

“Cecily and Joan will be right next door.”  

“What if I need help with my homework?”  The tears started again.  “Or what if I forget how the teeth-brushing rhyme goes?”  

“Joan and Cecily can help you with your homework.  And I told them about the rhyme, and I wrote it down in case they can’t remember it.”  

“What if the paper gets rained on and ruined?”  

“They’ll keep it in a safe place.”  

“Well, what if they get robbed?”  

Amir took a knee too, and took Wenceslaus’ arm with a gentle hand.  “Hey, come here.”  He hugged him tightly, rubbing his back.  “Are you that worried about the rhyme, or is it something else?”  

Wenceslaus began to sob.  It tore Rupert’s heart from his chest.  He put a hand on his shoulder and looked at Amir, at a loss for what to do.  

Amir seemed to be just as lost as Rupert, but kept holding Wenceslaus and said, “Maybe talking it out would help?  Wanna tell us what’s going on?”  

He said something, but it was garbled and incomprehensible.  

“Repeat that, buddy?”  

Wenceslaus pulled away, rubbing his blotchy face.  “Y-You’re coming b-back, right?”  

Rupert and Amir both reached for him instantly, and he ended up sandwiched in between the two.  “ Of course we are,” Amir said.  

“We will always come back to you,” Rupert vowed.  “There’s nothing Amir and I wouldn’t do to get back to you.”  

“Even fight off fire-breathing goblins?”  

“They wouldn’t even be a challenge if you were at stake,” Amir said.  He brushed Wenceslaus’ hair from his face and kissed his forehead.  “We will come home.  We’ll be gone a while but we’ll come home.  I promise.”  

Rupert kissed Wenceslaus’ forehead too.  “And then we’ll do everything on that list we made together last week.  And you won’t be alone here.  Cecily and Joan are going to take very good care of you.  Right, you two?”  

“Of course, Your Highness.”  

“Well, duh!”  Cecily beamed at Wenceslaus.  “I was even thinking we could redecorate Spike’s horn.”  

He sniffed.  “It is getting kind of old.  Do you have glitter?”  

“In every color.”  

Wenceslaus brightened immediately, but he looked back at Rupert and Amir.  “You promise you’ll be back?”  

“Absolutely.”  

“And we’ll write you every day, too.”  Rupert hugged him once more.  “We love you, Wenceslaus.”  

“We really do,” Amir agreed.  

“I love you guys too,” Wenceslaus mumbled, looking down at the ground.  

Rupert swallowed his surprise and even more reluctance to leave.  

“Is everything ready?” Sir Alessia asked, coming around the carriage.  She stopped short when she realized she’d interrupted a scene.  “Oh, apologies, Your Highnesses.”  

“It’s alright.”  Rupert needed to be strong for his kid.  He stood.  “It’s time for us to go now.”  

Amir hugged Wenceslaus, lifting him up as he did, before handing him to Joan.  “We’ll be back before you know it.”  

“Okay.”  

“Have a safe trip,” Joan said.  

Rupert nodded at Sir Alessia before climbing into the carriage.  Amir joined him, shutting the door.  They both waved at their kid through the window.  Wenceslaus waved back glumly, looking like he was about to cry again.  

Rupert cursed his magic.  

The carriage began to move, and Rupert watched until Wenceslaus disappeared from sight.  

“Do you think we’re out of earshot yet?” Amir whispered.  

Rupert held up a finger.  They sat in terrible silence for several long moments.  Then he nodded.  “We are now.”  

Amir let out a heavy breath and buried his face in his hands.  “ Oh my gosh , Ru.”  

Rupert scooted closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and placing his free hand on his thigh.  “I know.”  

“He said – that was the first time he’s ever said – and we left .”  He sniffled.  “Please tell me I’m not the only one three seconds from bursting into tears?”  

“Are you kidding?  I’ve been trying not to cry for the past five minutes.”  Rupert pressed a kiss to the side of his head.  “We did the right thing, though, leaving him here.  It was the right call.”  

“I know but I didn’t expect it to be so hard.”  His shoulders shook and Rupert held him tighter.  “And when he asked if we were coming back –”  

“Yeah.”  Rupert’s voice cracked.  “I think I was ready for everything but that.  I feel just a little bit like a monster.”  

“Me too.”  He laughed wetly and wiped his eyes, sitting upright.  “But we’re not.  My mother told me that parenting will hurt, even when you do everything just like you’re supposed to – and she was right.”  

Rupert nodded.  “But you handled that really well.  I didn’t think to ask him what was really going on with the rhyme – how did you know?”  

“You, actually.”  

“Me?”  

“Yeah.”  Amir wiped his palms on his pants.  “Usually when you’re freaking – no, when you’re worrying – a lot about something that seems small, it’s because you’ve got a lot else going on.  I thought it might’ve been the same with him.”  

Rupert smiled.  “Well, I guess my anxiety is finally paying off, albeit in unexpected ways.”  He kissed Amir’s cheek.  “And I’m glad you’re there to figure things out when I can’t.”  

“We’re a team, Ru.”  He took Rupert’s hand and squeezed it.  “A great team, though my opinion might be a little biased.”  

Rupert rested his head on his husband’s shoulder.  “I’m worried that I’ll hurt you too, with my magic.  It’s not just Wenceslaus.”  

“I figured, but I’m a bit more resilient than an eight-year-old.  I also don’t require constant supervision.”  

Rupert pursed his lips.  “Oh, that one I’m not so sure about.”  

Amir moved quickly, fingers going to Rupert’s ribs as he tickled him in retribution.  Rupert laughed, shoving his hands away and pulling him into a kiss.  “ But ,” Rupert continued, “as scared as I am of hurting you, I think I’m happier that you’re here.”  He lowered his voice and looked down.  “Does that make me selfish?”  

“I don’t think so.  It’s like that time last fall when I got – what did you call it?”  

“Seasonal flu?”  

“Yeah.  And I was so miserable and sick and I didn’t want to get you sick but just having you there made me feel so much better than being alone.  Was that selfish of me?”  

Rupert shook his head.  

“So why is it any different the other way around?”  

“I guess it isn’t.”  He fiddled with his ring.  “The stakes are a little higher than a fever and runny nose, though.”  

“But would you let me do this alone if I was the one with magic?”  

“Point taken.”  He leaned against Amir once again.  “I just, I don’t want you to feel like it’s all about me .  Or like I’m not – I don’t know, I want to have time for you and your problems too.”  

“We’ve had time for me and my problems.”  Amir shook his head.  “My love, you wake up with me every time I have a nightmare.  You’re not ignoring me.  But now it’s time to focus on you .”  He reached into the trunk seated across from them and took out a blanket, draping it over the both of them.  “Let me be the primary worrier for a little while and you can pour yourself into figuring out what you want to do with your magic.  It’s okay, really.”  

Rupert blinked hard.  “Amir, can I tell you something?”  

Amir turned to face him.  “Ru, you can tell me anything.”  

“I want to get rid of it.”  

“Your magic?”  

“If I get a stone, I’m going to use the sword on it.”  He swallowed thickly.  “Amir, I love how much you and Chamberlain trust me, but I don’t .  I don’t know that I’ll always do the right thing, that I’ll never use my magic for selfish reasons.”  He looked down at his lap and admitted, “If it meant protecting you, Amir, there’s not a spell I wouldn’t cast.”  

“Ru.”  

“I don’t want that power because I’m going to abuse it.  I don’t want that temptation.  I’m tempted enough on bad days as it is.  And I know what you’re going to say; that fighting temptation and coming out on the other side will make me even stronger but I – Amir I don’t want to fight anymore.”  

“I wasn’t going to say that.”  

He looked back up at Amir.  “You weren’t?”  

“No.”  Amir took Rupert’s face in his hands.  “I was going to say that having magic has been really hard on you.  It’s obvious.  You’re losing more sleep than usual, you’re barely eating, you seem to almost always be on the verge of tears.”  He sighed.  “You’ve even lost weight.”  

Rupert’s shoulders sagged.  “And I’d been doing so well before.”  

“I want you to be happy, and healthy, and safe.  And if the best way for you to get that is to give up your magic, then I support that.  No questions asked.”  He stroked Rupert’s cheekbone with his thumb.  “You know yourself better than I do.  So whatever you choose, I’m right here.”  He kissed Rupert’s forehead.  “I know this isn’t a decision you’ve made lightly.”  

“Thank you.”  Rupert tried for a smile but didn’t quite get there.  He leaned forward, brushing his nose against Amir’s.  “And if I just end it right then and there, we can go right back home.”  

“Because I know how excited you are about presenting the wage law to Lord Barry.”  

Rupert giggled.  “Absolutely.”  He shifted so his legs were hanging over Amir’s lap.  “I can’t believe I’m your husband.”  

“You’d better believe it, because you’re not getting rid of me.”  

“Thank the stars for that.”  He rested back against the wall.  “I never, ever want to be rid of you.”  

Amir rubbed Rupert’s shin.  “That’s good to hear.”  

He met Amir’s eyes.  “I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t want you.”  

“I know you do, Rupert.”  

“Do you?”  He loved Amir more than he’d ever thought possible, and the idea of being without him –  

Amir’s right here , he told himself.  Amir’s right here, Amir’s right here.    

Amir squeezed his leg, making Rupert look at him.  “I do know.”  Their eyes locked and Rupert realized.  

He had no clue.  

Chapter Text

“ Mr. Baker looked over at Zoe and he smiled, and Zoe wondered how in the world he could find himself ordinary," Rupert read, finishing the chapter.  He lowered the book closer to Amir, who was leaning back into his chest, his legs stretched out along the bench.  “Okay, babe, it’s your turn.”  When Amir didn’t take the book, Rupert frowned.  “Amir?”  

No answer.  

He closed the book.  Their position meant that Rupert couldn’t get a look at his face without moving entirely.  He wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed the top of his head.  “Are you asleep?”  

The following silence answered his question and he smiled, tucking the blanket around Amir’s shoulders.  He leaned his head back against the wall of the carriage and closed his eyes, wondering if he’d be able to sleep too.  

He couldn’t.  No surprise there.  But he could listen carefully to the sound of them moving: Diana’s hooves on the road, the wheels turning, the occasional clank of the knights’ plate metal as they shifted in the driver’s seat.  This allowed his mind to wander a little.  

He didn’t think of much, at least, not anything new.  He thought of his magic, and he thought of Malkia and Upendo, and he thought of the Heartland – the ache in his chest as he thought of his son was new –, and he thought of Amir.  

He was lucky to have someone so dear in his corner.  Amir loved him unconditionally, and always supported him.  

Except when he didn’t.  

Rupert shook his head to be rid of the thought.  

Amir was his best friend and the love of his life.  The chances of finding one so young, let alone both – and in the same person, no less – were practically nonexistent.  Rupert sometimes wondered if that was why things tended to go wrong in his life, like it needed to compensate for the one thing that was so perfectly right.  

Not that it mattered to Rupert.  He’d face down every misfortune, every threat, every catastrophe, with his head held high if that was what it took to keep Amir by his side.  

The alternative would be losing him, and that –  

Rupert tightened his grip on Amir, just a little.  

Amir stirred a few minutes later, yawning and craning his head around to see Rupert.  “Sorry, my love, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”  

“I’m used to it,” Rupert sniffed, fake-offended.  

Amir shot him a goofy grin.  “Well, let me make it up to you.”  He started to move away, but Rupert whined in protest and refused to let go.  “It’s my turn to be the pillow, Ru.  You can sleep on me this time.”  

“But I never get to be the big spoon!”  

“We’re not even spooning!”  

“This is the closest I’ll ever get to it.”  

Amir laughed, lifting one of Rupert’s hands to his mouth and kissing his knuckles.  “Every time you’re the big spoon, you press against me more and more until I’m hanging off the bed.”  

“I just want to be close to you!”  

“There are ways to do that without me ending up on the floor.”  Amir finally got ‘free’ and turned, kissing Rupert.  He tasted like sleep, and Rupert envied him.  “Besides, you make the perfect little spoon.  You’re so holdable.”  

“So are you.”  

Amir wrapped his arms around Rupert.  “ And you love being in my strong, muscular arms.”  

Rupert groaned.  “I said that one time –”  

“And I like being able to nuzzle into you when I’ve had a bad dream.”  

“You can nuzzle into me anyway.”  

“Yeah, but there’s something different about it.”  Amir leaned in and their noses brushed.  “I like holding you close and kissing the back of your neck because I know how it makes you feel, and I can squeeze you tight when you’ve had a bad day, and I can whisper things to you without worrying that someone might overhear me, and I can reach up and feel your heartbeat if I’ve had a bad day.”  

Rupert sighed, the warmth in his husband’s voice spreading throughout his body.  “Okay, if being the big spoon means that much to you.”  

Amir paused at that.  “Oh, I’d forgotten that was what we were talking about.”  

That made Rupert laugh, which made Amir smile again, and they shared another kiss.  “So,” Rupert said, “what do you want to do now?”  

“I was completely serious about switching positions.”  He scooted back to mirror Rupert’s earlier stance.  “Come here.”  

Rupert gave in, putting the blanket on top of the trunk for now before moving so that he was sitting in between Amir’s legs, his back to his chest, his head right where Amir’s neck met his shoulder.  Amir draped the blanket over Rupert, flipping it up into the air a few times so it would cover his feet, then grabbed the discarded pillow to place behind himself.  “Comfy?” Amir asked him.  

“Yeah.”  And he was.  If he focused, he could feel Amir’s heartbeat against his back, steady and strong.  “I guess I can see the merit of being the little spoon.”  

Amir chuckled.  “I’m glad.”  He kissed the side of Rupert’s head.  “Did you want me to read?”  

“Right, because you were super into it earlier.”  He let his eyes fall closed.  “Maybe later.”  A moment passed.  “Amir, I love it when you hold me.  And I love being the little spoon.  I was just giving you a hard time.”  

“I know.”  

“And I love that you just know when I’ve had a bad day, and that you try to make me feel better by telling me stories or asking Graem to make berry turnovers for dessert or just lying down with me until I’m ready to talk, even if you don’t understand why I’ve had a bad day.”  Rupert played with Amir’s fingers.  “And I want you to know how much I appreciate all of that because it – well, it shows that you know me.  That you really know me, and that makes me feel less alone.”  

“And I love how you have tea brought in or even make it yourself when I’ve had a bad day, and when you ask me if I’d rather be distracted or given advice, and how you know when that distraction should be a long walk in the garden or just some quiet time for the two of us.  You know me too, and you’re so thoughtful and insightful and kind-hearted that you make me want to be better.  You give me something to strive for.”  Amir squeezed him.  “And I’m really glad we’re married.”  

“Me too.  But I still think we should have an actual honeymoon once things settle down.”  

“ Yes ,” Amir groaned.  “Just the two of us in that cottage –”  

“- By our lake,” Rupert finished for him.  “And no magic, either.  Just you and me, dreadfully, boringly human, enjoying some alone time.”  

“Yeah, that would be nice.  I wonder what it’s like to be bored?”  

“It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.”  Rupert bit his lip, thinking.  “Although the first eighteen years of my life were a combination of boredom and overwhelming dread.  So it might be different now that I’m not the –  Nope, I’m not finishing that thought.”  He settled back against Amir with a huff.  “I am not putting that into the universe.”  

Amir jabbed his ribs playfully.  “Better safe than sorry.”  He let Rupert take his hands back and squeezed Rupert’s hips with his thighs.  “It’ll be really nice to have you all to myself.”  

“I’m sure it will be.”  

“But, uh, if we’re on our honeymoon … does that mean you’ll wear the blue thing?”  

Rupert snorted.  “You’re never going to see me in that if you keep asking.”  

Amir hmph ed and leaned his head against the wall with a thunk .  “I’ll be patient.”  

“Good.”  Rupert held a hand out in front of him, trying to remember how it’d been positioned when he managed to conjure the water.  He didn’t know if he’d be able to do that again, or if had been a fluke.  

Thinking about it gave him a bagful of feelings, and the idea of sorting through all of them exhausted him.  He dropped his hand.  “What would you do if you had magic?  Have you ever thought about it?”  

“A few times.  I think I’d make it so that I don’t have to drink that serum just to maintain my body.”  

“That’s fair.”  They’d packed five months’ worth of doses, but Rupert seriously hoped they wouldn’t be gone that long.  

“And if there was a spell I could cast to make nightmares go away, I’d do that.”  

That gave Rupert pause.  He hadn’t thought about being able to use his magic for others.  

Could he help people?  Could he help Amir ?  Or Wenceslaus ?  

He crushed the thought.  He didn’t want to have any expectations or desires until he’d spoken with Malkia and Upendo.  Besides, it was safer to get rid of his magic.  And there probably wasn’t even a spell for that.  

“I’d definitely try to do something for your anxiety or your insomnia, or both.  Probably something for protection in case of fire-breathing goblins or sentient cutlery.”  

“If we ever get attacked by fire-breathing goblins I’m blaming you.”  

“I guess that makes sense.”  

Rupert fiddled with his ring.  “I think you’d be better with magic than me.”  

“I don’t know if that’s true.”  

“I’m too messy.  You’re methodical.  You make plans and you can stick to them , as long as I don’t get in the way.”  

“But isn’t magic messy?  Like attracts like; it would drive me crazy.  You’re better at rolling with the punches.”  

“Sure, until I have a mental breakdown in the bathtub and shatter three lamps.”  

“First of all,” Amir said, “no one could have predicted that.  Even Rodney and Milo were surprised when we told them it had happened.  Second of all, you were able to wait to have your emotional reaction until it was safe for you to do so.  That’s an amazing skill.”  

“I thought I overreacted to everything?”  

He could feel Amir wince behind him, and Rupert’s gut twisted with guilt.  “I should never have said that.”  

“It’s okay.  I’m used to hearing it."  

“But I don’t think it's true.  And I don’t like that word anymore because I think it’s …"  He stopped for a moment.  “I think it’s invalidating.  I don’t want to invalidate your feelings or make you think that I don’t think how you feel is important.”  

Rupert didn’t answer for a long time.  His mind swam.  “I mean, I am a little overemotional.  Aren’t I?”  

“I don’t think you are.”  

Then he felt a surge of annoyance, which didn’t make sense to him.  “What changed your mind?”  

Rupert felt Amir’s heart speed up against his back.  “The D-word was a pretty big reality check.”  

His stomach lurched and he hugged himself tightly, grateful Amir was behind him and couldn’t see him tighten his lips and suck in his cheeks.  

“I mean, I’ve told you how it got me.  And what I saw.”  

He was suddenly freezing.  

“Once it was over, I went to my mom and asked her what I could do to make sure I didn’t hurt you, and she said that mental and emotional health are just as important as physical health.  And I thought about all of the ways someone could get hurt emotionally, and I asked Chamberlain for advice, and we ended up talking for almost three hours, and he told me about how important it is to try and see things from your perspective, and that I don’t know everything about you, and that I should always be ready to take you seriously, even if I don’t understand why something is upsetting.”  

This was the first Rupert had heard about any of this.  They’d talked about how the Despair had affected them a few times, how they would go forward as a couple.  Rupert knew about what it had said to Amir; he knew how terrified he was of becoming like his father, and of hurting Rupert.  And Rupert held him tightly after every nightmare, brushed tears from his face, reassured him that it was over, that it would never get to them again, that he would never become his father, that yes, he still loved him, and he would always be there.  

And Amir knew better than to ever sacrifice himself again.  Ever.  

But Chamberlain hadn’t told Rupert that Amir asked him for advice.  No one had.  

“And I want to understand,” Amir continued.  “I want to know everything about you, Ru.  That said, I’m learning that I don’t need to understand in order to be supportive.  And I am.  Supportive.  I still slip up sometimes, but I’m working on it.”  

“I know you are,” Rupert said numbly.  “I appreciate it.”  

Amir must’ve heard something in Rupert’s voice because he fell silent.  

The moments stretched.  Rupert closed his eyes.  He could feel each rotation of the wheels beneath them.  He wished the road noise was louder or maybe just different.  

“Did I – did I say something wrong?” Amir asked.  

“No.”  Did he?  Perhaps he’d said something wrong the way some people used wrong to mean unfamiliar .  And his words knotted Rupert’s stomach and made him wish he could do something with his hands, made him feel like something was scampering about underneath his skin and he needed to get it out but he was frozen in place, locked in by the protective cage of Amir’s arms.  

Amir didn’t say or do anything wrong but it still scared Rupert.  

He held his breath, counted to fifteen, then let it out slowly.  

“You’re just … being awfully quiet all of a sudden.”  

“I’m thinking.”  

“What about?”  

Rupert sighed heavily.  He didn’t necessarily want to talk, but the silence was too much.  Everything was too much, and the motions of his stomach began to resemble those of the wheels.  He squeezed his eyes shut.  “I don’t know,” he mumbled.  

The carriage lurched and there was a sudden tight pressure on Rupert’s ribs, almost like –  

Rupert gasped, his eyes snapping open, and wrenched himself out of Amir’s grasp before throwing open the carriage door and leaping out.  

“Rupert!”  

“Your Highness!”  

He landed on his feet – they weren’t going that fast – and looked around frantically to remind himself of where he was and where he wasn’t.  

“You can’t just do stuff like that, Ru!” Amir snapped, putting a hand on his arm.  Rupert pulled away from him and walked off the road, over to a tree.  “You’ve got to talk to me!”  

“Is everything okay, Your Highnesses?”  

“Ask Rupert because I have no clue.”  

Rupert touched the bark, letting his fingers travel over the rough bumps and crevices.  It was cold to the touch, the ice melting off in patches.  If he listened, he could hear the tiny drip, drip, drip as the branches thawed.  

“Your Highness?”  

He hated honorifics.  Had he ever told anyone that, besides Fitzroy?  Was he the only one who knew how much Rupert hated to stand on formalities?  

He climbed the tree with his eyes, all the way to the top where he squinted against the sunlight.  It was sunny out, not dark.  And birds were chirping – doves, funnily enough.  Turtle doves.  He remembered reading about them in an aviary book when he was a child and begging his mother to let him have one.  She never did, but Maudie, the kitchen mistress, pointed them out every time she saw or heard one while he was in the kitchen.  

“Why does the book spell it like this?” he asked, pointing out the word.  “Is it just a different way to spell ‘morning’?”  

She chuckled.  “No, it’s another word.  It means ‘sad’.  When you’re mourning something, you’re grieving it.  You’re sad about it.”  

“What’re the doves so sad about?”  

Maudie looked out the window and Rupert followed her gaze to the tree line.  He could’ve sworn it was getting closer to the town.  “I don’t know.”  

He pressed his palm flat against the trunk.  “I’m fine,” he finally said.  “I just got a little motion sick.”  

“The way you jumped out of there really scared me.”  Amir came up next to him.  “You shouldn’t leap out of moving vehicles.”  

“I’m sorry.”  He let his hand drop back to his side, then turned to see the knights watching him.  They’d stopped the carriage.  “Sorry,” he said again.  “We can keep moving, but I’d like to walk for a little while.”  

Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia exchanged a glance.  “What about you, Prince Amir?” Sir Thurber asked.  

“I’ll walk too.”  

Sir Thurber shut the carriage door and they were off again.  

Amir reached for Rupert’s hand but Rupert pulled it away.  “Sorry.  I’m not – I don’t really want to right now.”  He swallowed nervously and looked down at his shoes.  “Sorry.”  

He’d never said no to something as simple as holding hands.  He’d never really wanted to say no before.  

“Oh.”  Amir sounded surprised and maybe a little hurt.  “Okay.”  

“It’s not that I –  I’m not –”  He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just not really –”  

“You don’t have to tell me why, Ru.  If you don’t want to hold my hand, that’s all I need to know.”  

“Right.”  He was talking too much again.  “Sorry.”  

Amir stopped walking, but waved to Sir Thurber to keep going when he stopped too.  “Ru, wait.”  

Rupert looked up at him.  

“Are you sure you’re okay?”  Amir kept his voice low.  “Because you’re apologizing a lot right now.  And you usually do that when something’s wrong.”  

Part of him wished he’d just held Amir’s hand.  

“I’m -”  Amir would know if Rupert was lying.  He already knew Rupert was lying.  But Rupert didn’t know how much he could tell him.  He didn’t even know how much he could say aloud to anyone .  “My nerves got the best of me for a minute,” he said.  

“Was it because of what I was saying earlier?”  

Rupert rocked on the balls of his feet.  “Maybe a little?”  A dove crooned from nearby and he glanced around for it.  Looking at Amir was too much at the moment.  “I - I really do appreciate it.  That you’re trying.  It’s more than can be said for a lot of people.”  

A dreadful silence followed.  The carriage had traveled too far to be noisy anymore and the dove stopped crooning.  Rupert hated silence like this.  He knew Amir was processing what he said, trying to decide on a response.  With conversations like these, he wanted to be thoughtful.  Rupert had always found it sweet until now.  

He finally spoke.  

“Can I kiss you on the forehead?”  

Rupert hadn’t been expecting that.  He nodded and closed his eyes.  Amir stepped forward and pressed his lips to Rupert’s forehead, lingering for several long moments, before starting to pull away.  Rupert wrapped his arms around him and pressed his face into his shoulder, breathing him in.  

Amir’s right here, Amir’s right here.  

Amir hugged him back and whispered, “My Ru,” with all the melody of a mourning dove.  

Chapter Text

The further north they traveled, the colder it got.  The knights kept themselves warm with extra layers under their armor.  Rupert and Amir huddled together under blankets, choosing to stay in the carriage some nights rather than the tents so they could share body heat through skin-to-skin contact.  

It wasn’t as romantic as it sounded.  

Aside from the one time that they came across a tavern with a bath, there weren’t any chances to properly clean themselves.  They had scrubbing rags and lye soap, and heated up some water for a quick wash every couple of nights, but that only served to make Rupert more self-conscious (and itchy).  It certainly didn’t help that he couldn’t wash his hair – his scalp would freeze before it could dry.  

Amir was lucky.  He didn’t have to wash his hair as often because of its texture.  Sir Alessia was lucky too.  She had a buzz cut, so she didn’t have to worry about extra drying time.  

Rupert felt gross, and wearing a hat only did so much.  

“So what do you want to do when you’re done with this?” he asked Amir.  He was seated crisscross on the bench, facing one of the windows, as Amir rubbed his back with some oils to combat the dryness in the air.    

“I don’t know.  Want to reread one of the books?”  

“Nah.  We’ve already reread my favorite one twice.  I don’t even think it’s my favorite anymore.”  Rupert bit his lip, but stopped when he remembered how chapped his lips were.  He grabbed some lip balm out of the trunk.  “Do you want to go over our draft for that wage law?”  

“I don’t think we can do anything more with it.”  He worked at the spot just below the nape of Rupert’s neck, rubbing in firm little circles, and Rupert groaned with a mix of appreciation and pain.  “How about cards?”  

“I think I’ve already technically won everything you own.”  

“I can come up with more things to bet.”  

“I have legal claim over your second through tenth children.”  Rupert laughed at the thought.  “We are not having ten children.”  

“At least we’d have plenty of company on long trips like these.”  Amir finished the massage and wrapped his arms around Rupert’s chest.  “Want to go out and walk?”  

Rupert shook his head, leaning back into Amir for a moment before turning around and rearranging himself so that he was tucked against him, his forehead on his collarbone.  Amir pulled the blanket back up over them and shifted to get more comfortable.  

“Can we sleep outside of the carriage tonight?” Amir asked.  “I need to be able to stretch out.”  

“Yeah, as long as I can still hold onto you.”  

“Of course.”  Amir ran a hand up and down his back.  “Can you sleep on top of me again?”  

“Mm-hmm.”  Even with his eyes closed, Rupert knew Amir was smiling.  He snuggled even closer.  

“Wait, do you feel like the carriage is slowing down?”  Amir shifted around to look out the window and Rupert sat up with a pout.  It fell when he saw the reason for their slowing.  “I can barely anything,” Amir said.  “It’s really snowing hard.”  

The carriage stopped entirely and Rupert squinted to see the blurry face of Sir Thurber come into view.  He knocked once on the door before opening it.  Immediately the thick white snowflakes invaded, landing on Rupert’s forehead, cheeks, and nose.  He shook his head sharply against the sudden and unwelcome cold.  

“We’re going to have to stop and wait out the snowstorm,” Sir Thurber said.  “Sir Alessia is looking for a spot to set up a lean-to.”  

“Will the horses be alright?” Rupert asked.  He hugged the blanket tighter around his body, trying to shield his bare chest from the weather.  Amir sat up straighter to block the wind.  

“As long as we can find some kind of shelter.  They’re a little on edge right now, but we’ve got time before they get too cold.”  He blinked hard as a piece of snow got into his eye.  “You should get some warmer clothes on while we wait for her to come back.”  

“Are you sure she should have gone off alone?”  Amir rose his voice so it could be heard over a particularly noisy gust of wind.  Rupert shivered.  

Sir Thurber shook his head once.  “It was the only option.  But she has supplies and knows to come check in within five minutes.  Sit tight, Your Highnesses.”  He shut the door.  

Rupert pulled his shirt back on, then a heavier shirt, then his coat.  Amir did the same.  “And to think I was actually bored a few minutes ago,” Amir scoffed as he started to wrap his scarf.  Rupert batted his hands away and finished it himself, making sure to cover his cheeks and nose, before doing his own.  “Thanks.”  

“No problem.”  He put his gloves on.  “I hope this doesn’t last that long.  I don’t know how much more we have in the way of provisions.”  

“Me too.”  

There was another knock on the door and Sir Alessia opened it.  “I found a little grove of saplings,” she yelled.  “We can bend those and drape our tent over it like a tarp.  You two should get out and walk in case the way there is too uneven.”  

Amir climbed out of the carriage first and almost immediately began to shiver.  Rupert got out and shut the door behind him before hugging Amir’s arm.  It was definitely cold, but the West had weather like this sometimes so Rupert was better equipped to handle it than his husband.  While the Heartland didn’t get this cold, the East barely had winter to begin with.  

Sir Alessia and Sir Thurber guided the horses off of the road and Rupert and Amir followed.  No one said anything during the walk but Rupert could hear Amir’s teeth chattering.  By the time they reached the clearing, Amir was clinging to his waist and Rupert had an arm draped over his shoulders.  

“Here it is!” Sir Alessia shouted.  “We’ll guide the carriage to that boulder over there, and we can hang part of the tent over that so we’ll have a wall!”  

“Good thinking!” Sir Thurber responded.  

The two helped Sir Alessia get the tent unfolded while Sir Thurber grabbed the rope and began tying the saplings together.  Rupert watched him for a moment.  

“Isn’t it a little strange that there are all these saplings here?” he asked.  “And that they’re so precise?”  

“What you call strange, I call lucky.”  Sir Alessia climbed atop the carriage.  “Now hand me that edge we just unfolded.”  

Rupert and Amir complied.  “What if these trees were planted by someone?” Rupert continued.  “What if we’re trespassing?”  

“I think they’ll understand, Ru.  We're waiting out a storm.  Besides, Sir Alessia didn’t see any buildings around, right?”  

“Right!” she called.  “If this is a planted grove, no one’s living nearby.  And we’re not doing any damage to the saplings.  They’re still malleable this young.”  

Rupert looked back at the saplings.  He couldn’t see any signs of them being ready to snap but he still didn’t feel right.  

Sir Thurber finished tying them together and the four of them managed to fenagle the tent over the makeshift dome.  Sir Alessia brought the horses inside and Sir Thurber began to clear some space for a fire.  Rupert grabbed a few folding cots and unfolded them next to the fire pit, set a heavy fur blanket down on one, then instructed Amir to stay there and warm up.  He opened the carriage door (finding, to his chagrin, that the inside was almost as cold as the outside) and took out some more blankets, draping one over Amir’s shoulders and putting the others on the other cot.  

“I can help -”  

“No, you’re not used to the cold.  You need to save your energy.”  

“He’s right, Your Highness.”  Sir Thurber laid the final stone down and began to build the pile.  “We’ll get a fire going for you soon.”  

Amir fell silent after that and hugged the blanket closer.  Sir Alessia came back with some mostly-dry branches and placed them on top of the pyramid once Sir Thurber got the fire started.  Rupert filled a pot with some snow and set it by the fire to melt.  Then he sat next to Amir, who held up the blanket for him to get under.  

“How long can we hold out?” Amir asked.  

“We’ve got enough food to last us about three days, but that’s only if we can keep warm.”  Sir Alessia removed her plate armor and pulled on a coat.  She had to hunch over as she maneuvered because the tent was only about four feet tall, and it would have been funny if Rupert wasn’t so scared that he’d led everyone to their deaths.  

“It’s almost sunset now, so it’s about to get colder but we have enough wood to last us through the night.  We can get some more in the morning.”  Sir Thurber opted to keep his armor on.  He sat down on the other cot.  “We’ve also got the inside of the carriage as an extra layer between us and the elements.”  

Amir leaned his head on Rupert’s shoulder, squeezing his hand.  “What about hypothermia?”  

“It shouldn’t be an issue as long as we keep dry and stay near the fire.”  

Rupert didn’t like how much Amir was still shivering.  “Keep close to me,” he whispered against the top of his head, sliding an arm around his waist.  

“You’re smaller than me.  How are you not freezing?”  

“I’m used to the cold, baby.”  He examined the furs upon which they were sitting.  They offered good insulation.  “Yeah, I’m sleeping on top of you tonight.”  

Sir Alessia and Sir Thurber looked at him and he felt the heat rise to his cheeks, but he didn’t know what to say other than, “It’ll keep him warm.”  

“Thanks for keeping me warm,” Amir said, breaking the awkward silence.  “I’ll get used to the weather eventually.”  

“I know you will.”  When he was sure the knights had stopped paying attention, he leaned close and whispered in his ear, “But I do like to warm you up.  Especially when it’s just the two of us … like last week, after Sir Alessia and Sir Thurber were asleep and we decided to put extra blankets over the doors for insulation and soundproofing and –”  

“ Shhh ,” Amir shushed him with an embarrassed laugh, which suddenly jumped in pitch when Rupert nuzzled him.  “Your nose is cold!”  Rupert grinned and nuzzled into his neck, locking his arms around his waist so he couldn’t pull away.  “ Ru !”  He tried to scoot away but Rupert tightened his grip.  Amir tried to stop laughing but to no avail.  

Then he began to tickle Rupert’s waist, and it was Rupert’s turn to shriek with laughter.  “Am ir !”  He pushed at his arms in a futile attempt to get free.  

“You wanted to play dirty,” Amir teased.  He relented a few seconds later and kissed his head.  “Can’t take what you dish out, my love?”  

“You know I can.”  He lifted his head and they shared a look.  “Are you feeling warmer now?”  

“A little.”  Amir glanced over at the knights, then at the fire.  He snuggled closer to Rupert, resting his head on his shoulder.  Rupert reached up and stroked his face with lazy fingers.  “Fires like these remind me of when we first met.”  

Rupert smiled.  “So you’ve said.”  

“I had no idea what to do with you.”  

“You still don’t.”  

Amir laughed, squeezing him.  “Do you ever wonder how we would’ve met if the curse never happened?”  

“I don’t think we would have.”  The thought caused a lump to form in his throat.  Where would he be without Amir?  All of his personal growth, all the ways he’d changed, were tied to them meeting.  Without Amir, he’d have remained the same; attending pointless ceremonies and festivals, wearing claustrophobic outfits, under his mother’s thumb, sneaking out every night and getting tied up every morning when he failed to sneak back in, maybe even married off to some duchess or princess.  

Amir seemed to sense Rupert’s heightening anxiety and put a hand on his thigh.  “We would have.”  

“You can’t be so sure.”  

“I’d have found a way to meet you.”  

“You wouldn’t even know me.”  

“It doesn’t matter.”  Amir met his eyes.  “You and I are destiny.  That means that we’ll always find a way back to each other.”  

Rupert held his gaze for a moment, then said, “You’re so naïve.”  

Amir pulled away, taken aback and obviously hurt.  “I’m not.”  

He hadn’t meant to blurt it but he had, and as guilty as he felt for ruining what was probably an attempt at playful fantasizing, he knew he wasn’t wrong.  “If the forest wasn’t real, I would have remained stuck in the West with my mother.”  

“Then I would have gone over there on a mission for peace.”  

“And my mother would’ve had you killed.”  

“But you’d break me out of prison because you’d know I was innocent.”  

“I’d never even know you were there.  She never told me anything.”  He scowled down at his lap.  

Amir bumped his shoulder against Rupert’s.  “I’d still find a way.”  

“You wouldn’t know me.”  He traced the seam of his pants.  “There’d be nothing to find.”  

Amir went silent.  Rupert looked away, toward the knights, but they were gone.  “Where’d they go?” he asked.  

“Ru,” Amir said instead of answering, “don’t you think we’re … meant to be?”  

The waver in his voice crushed Rupert, and he grabbed Amir’s hands.  “Of course I do!  I love you and I love being with you and I love being married to you!  But I just … I don’t think I believe in fate.  Just because we belong together doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed to be together in every single alternate reality.  Life doesn’t …"  He blinked hard.  “Life doesn’t work that way.”  

Amir stared at him for a long time.  “Then I’ll make it work that way.”  He reached up and took Rupert’s face in his hands and leaned in to kiss his forehead.  “I’ll never stop fighting for us, no matter what will have or won’t have happened to us in an alternate reality.”  

Rupert laughed awkwardly in spite of Amir’s seriousness.  “What in the world are we even talking about?”  

Amir laughed too, kissing his forehead again.  “It’s true, though.  I’d fall in love with you no matter where or when or what we were.”  

Rupert moved his hands to Amir’s waist, tucking his hands under the coat and curling his fingers into his shirt.  “I would too.”  He bit his lip.  “I don’t want you to think that I wouldn’t want to be with you if things were different.  I always want to be with you.  But it’s never guaranteed.”  

Amir frowned.  “I know.”  

“That makes it even more special though, right?  Because we did manage to find each other?”  

That seemed to strike a chord with Amir, because his eyes softened and he leaned his forehead against Rupert’s.  Their lips brushed.  “I guess it does.”  He ran a hand over Rupert’s forearm.  “I’m really glad we did.”  

“Me too.”  Rupert tilted his head and kissed him properly.  Amir brought his free hand around the back of Rupert’s head, pushing his hat up and tangling his fingers into his hair.  Rupert began to pull away so he could apologize for how gross his hair was, but Amir tightened his grip, his nails gently scraping against his scalp, and Rupert suddenly forgot to be insecure.  

When they finally did break apart, Rupert pressed his lips to Amir’s temple, his cheekbone, his hairline, his earlobe; then he grinned when Amir inevitably made a little noise.  

“Ru,” Amir breathed.  “Don’t be mean to me.”  

“You like it when I’m mean.”  

“Only when I can do something about it.”  

Rupert smirked and relented, straightening up.  “When we get settled in the Far North, we might be able to get a little bit of time to ourselves.”  

“As long as you’re not too busy or exhausted.”  

Rupert didn’t like to think about being too busy for Amir, but it was a possibility.  “What’re you going to do?”  

“I’ll keep myself occupied, don’t worry.  I might spend some time with the knights or the locals, get to know them better.”  

The tent flap opened and Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia walked in, arms full of firewood.  “Is everything okay, Your Highnesses?” Sir Thurber asked, placing the wood on a dry patch of ground.  Sir Alessia followed suit.  

“We’re okay.”  Rupert looked at the pot.  The snow had long since melted.  He used his sleeve as a cover and lifted it away from the fire.  “How are you two holding up?”  

“We’ll be okay on firewood for a long while yet.”  Alessia sat down on one of the free cots and took off her boots, grabbing another pair of socks and putting them on.  “It’s nice and warm in here.”  

Sir Thurber reached into the food bag and grabbed some hardtack.  “The blizzard has let up a little bit but we’re definitely going to have to stay for the night.”  

Rupert looked over at the horses.  They were pretty calm, munching happily on their feed.  “Will they be okay?”  

“Oh yeah,” Sir Alessia said.  “They’ve got their blankets on and they have plenty of food and water.”  She poured some of the melted snow into a cup.  “Our girls will be just fine.”  

Sir Thurber took his gloves off and grabbed a deck of cards.  “Want to play a few hands to pass the time?”  

Rupert snickered.  “Sure but Amir’s already completely indebted to me.”  

“I’m apparently not good at bluffing,” Amir said.  

Sir Alessia took off her gloves too.  “No time like the present to start practicing.”  

They pulled the cots closer together and Sir Thurber dealt everyone in.  Rupert looked at his hand.  “Stop looking at my cards, Amir.”  

Amir jerked away from where he’d been attempting to sneak a peek.  “You can’t prove anything.”  

“I don’t have to.  You’re a bad liar.”  Rupert set his cards on his lap, face down.  “Sir Alessia, your call.”  

They played for a couple of hours.  Amir miraculously won a couple of hands, though it had more to do with the luck of the draw than his ability to hide his reactions.  

Sir Alessia offered to take the first watch and made herself comfortable in front of the fire.  Amir lay down on the cot and Rupert crawled on top of him, resting his head in the crook of Amir’s neck.  Amir pulled the blanket over them and bid Rupert a good night, then fell asleep within a couple of minutes.  

“He falls asleep fast,” Sir Alessia said.  

“He always has.”  Rupert closed his eyes but he knew sleep would continue to evade him for a long time.  “I’m not going to be able to sleep any time soon, if you wanted to go to bed.”  

“I’m fine with keeping watch, Your Highness.”  She poked at the fire with a stick.  “We’re almost to the village.  Maybe another four days.  Are you excited?”  

“I’m excited for the trip to be over.”  Rupert ran a finger over the fur cover, the texture reminding him of Fitzroy.  “But I’m nervous about seeing them again.”  

“They wouldn’t have offered to help if they hated you.”  

“I know.”  Amir’s arms felt heavy around his back but he didn’t care to do anything about it.  “I just don’t know what they’re going to say, or what they’re going to want to do.  Or if they’re going to be okay with me …”  He trailed off, not sure how exactly to finish the thought.  “I trust them.  I think.  I trust them enough.   But I’m still worried about everything else.”  

“Learning your magic?”  

“Yeah.”  He looked down.  “But I’m actually going to try and get rid of it.”  

Sir Alessia didn’t respond.  Rupert looked up at her, and she was staring into the fire.  The flames obscured her face just enough that he couldn’t gauge her expression.  He lay his head back down.  

“Why do you want to get rid of it?”  

“Wouldn’t you?”  

“Maybe.”  She stood and brushed off her pants before walking over to the horses.  She stroked Pandeia’s muzzle, then Diana’s.  “It’s probably a heavy responsibility.  You could use it to commit a lot of atrocities.  And you might run the risk of becoming corrupted with the power.”  

“Exactly!”  

“ But , you could also do a lot of good with that power too.”  

He sighed.  “Do you know that for certain?”  

“No, but it’s only logical.  Magic can’t all be evil, right?  The sorceress who helped you defeat Malkia wasn’t evil.”  

“Upendo,” Rupert supplied.  

“The Fairy Queen wasn’t evil.”  

“That’s because fairies are amoral.  They don’t care about what we think is good or bad.”  

“Maybe magic is amoral too, then.”  She cocked her head to the side.  “Forgive me for speaking too freely, Your Highness, but maybe you’re more afraid of yourself than you are of magic.”  

Rupert didn’t answer.  

“And as much as I or Prince Amir or the Lord Chamberlain can reassure you that you’re a good person and a good prince, you’re the one who’s going to have to trust yourself.”  She paused.  “Getting rid of it would be the easy way out.  And while you’re long overdue for a simple solution to something, this isn’t the one.  I think you know that, deep down.”  

Rupert didn’t answer.  

“Giving up your magic isn’t going to fix the actual problem, because the actual problem runs a lot deeper than that.”  She sat back down in front of the fire and added another block of wood.  “I don’t know if you’ve realized that yet.”  She propped her head on her fist.  “My mother consistently told me I was a danger to everyone, that it was only a matter of time before I hurt someone or myself, all because I knew how to use a sword.  After so long, her fears became mine, and I suddenly hated sword fighting.  I stopped showing up to training and fencing practice, because there was no reason I should know how to do something so deadly.  

“Things changed when Joan became a knight.  She talked me into watching a training session – no obligation, just watch – and I realized that I missed what I’d given up on, so she recruited me.  It took a while to unlearn all of that, and I’m still working on it, but it feels like some huge part of my life just came back to me.”  She looked over at Rupert.  “I know how to incapacitate someone.  I know how to kill someone.  And that’s nothing to shrug off.  But I’m not scared of my abilities anymore because I learned to trust myself and my self-control.  You could learn too, and if Malkia and Upendo are half the teachers that Joan is, you will.  If you give yourself the chance.”  

Rupert listened to the steady rhythm of Amir’s heartbeat, let it soothe the panic in his chest.  “I’m glad you figured that out for yourself.  Joan’s a good friend.”  

“She is.  She’s worried about you.”  

“Everyone’s worried about me,” he said glumly.  

“It’s because they care about you.”  She poked the fire again.  “Try to get some sleep, Your Highness.  We’ll try to get moving again in the morning.”  

Rupert closed his eyes but, predictably, he didn’t manage to drift off until long after Sir Alessia had gone to bed and Sir Thurber took her place.  

Then he was startled awake by a shriek.  He shot up, Amir close behind him, the hair on the back of his neck prickling and the tips of his fingers tingling, almost like when they were at the magic show.  

Amir leapt into action, grabbing his sword from beside the cot and getting into a battle stance.  Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia were nowhere to be seen.  The horses were gone too.  Rupert grabbed his dagger from the nearby chest and took his spot next to Amir.  His eyes darted around the tent, looking for spots that someone could break into.  

Then the flap lifted and Rupert felt her before he saw her.  His hands trembled as he tightened his grip on the blade, stepping partially in front of his husband.  

She walked in, the creak with every step softened by the moss that grew on her knees.  She examined the space with growing horror.  When she spoke, her voice was dry and hoarse and furious .  

“What have you done?!?”  

It all made sense.  The perfect alignment of the saplings, the absence of buildings or human cultivation.  

A forest nymph.  

Chapter Text

Amir and Rupert dropped their weapons immediately.  Forest nymphs didn’t take threats lightly, and they’d already invaded their land.  

“Our apologies,” Amir said.  “We had to find shelter from the storm.”  

She moved to one of the saplings, small blades of grass growing from wherever she stepped.  Her powers were dulled by the winter season, but they’d be back in full force once everything thawed.  

Honestly, Rupert was surprised she wasn’t hibernating.  

“You’ve bent them,” she breathed.  

“They’re still malleable at that age,” Amir tried.  “They won’t suffer any permanent damage.”  

She wheeled on him.  “ No damage? "  Her dark green, pupil-less eyes seemed to glow with rage.  “You careless humans have no idea what you’ve done.  You have no clue where you are.”  She looked down at the firepit with disdain.  “This is our nursery.  These saplings are our children.  And you’ve used them for your own purposes without even a request for consent.”  

Rupert looked at the little trees with a renewed feeling of self-loathing.  “Your children?”  

“Remove this cover immediately.”  

Rupert and Amir wasted no time running outside and taking down their makeshift shelter, being mindful of the fire still going inside.  They were lucky that the sun had risen, and they had plenty of light.  It was still a lot more difficult without Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia, and took more time, but they eventually got the canvas off and folded it haphazardly.  Amir put out the fire.  The nymph busied herself with seeing to one of the saplings, checking it for wounds.  

Rupert stopped folding up the cot and looked at the sapling nearest to him.  His curiosity got the better of him and he walked to it, placing his hand on the trunk but recoiling immediately.  

“ Rupert, ” Amir hissed.  

Rupert ignored him and tried again.  Keeping his hand on the bark was easier now that he knew what to expect.  A jolt of energy coursed through his veins, then another, then another.  Rhythmically, almost like a –  

Pain seized his hand so suddenly and unexpectedly that he cried out, dropping it and trying to step back, but his legs were frozen so he fell to the ground instead.  

“ Rupert! ” Amir yelled, dropping to his side in an instant.  He took his face in his hands but Rupert couldn’t say anything.  His vocal cords were as paralyzed as the rest of him.  

“How dare you touch them!” the nymph roared, advancing on the pair.  “Haven’t you done enough harm?”  

Amir patted Rupert’s cheek for a response.  Rupert tried to do anything to tell him that he was alright (or at the very least, conscious) but to no avail.  He was helpless.  His pulse began to race.  “What did you do to him?” Amir demanded, his voice jumping an octave.  

“Maybe I should turn him over to my sisters and let them chop him down, like your kind does to us.”  

“We only needed a place to stay!”  Amir cradled Rupert close and Rupert strained against the magic.  “We didn’t mean any harm, I promise!”  

“What you mean is of no consequence.”  The nymph walked over to them and Amir pulled Rupert closer.  “You still did harm.  Why is that so difficult for you humans to understand?  If I overgrow a plant and disrupt the grove, does my intention matter?  Does admitting I made a mistake solve the problem?  Does apologizing solve the problem?  No.  And even when I actively try to resolve my error, a piece of the damage always remains.”  She looked down at Rupert.  “I should damage you to serve as a reminder.”  

Amir’s breath began to come out faster.  “If you so much as lay a twig on Rupert, I’ll turn you to kindling.”  

The nymph shrieked again and reared her arm back to strike Amir and Rupert could only lay across Amir’s lap even though every fiber of his being was bellowing and fighting desperately to get free and save him.  

Then the hold on him vanished.  He moved without thought, tackling Amir and pushing him to the ground before the nymph could make contact.  Her sharp, branchlike fingers got Rupert’s hat instead, snagging and pulling it off.  She advanced again and Rupert squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself for the inevitable slash against his back.  

A flash of light.  

The nymph stopped in place, temporarily stunned.  Rupert blinked a few times to get his bearings, then stood up on wobbly legs and pulled Amir with him.  Amir rubbed at his eyes.  

Rupert looked over at the saplings, squinting to focus as his eyes readjusted to the sunlight.  They were still a little bent, even with the weight of the canvas gone, but fortunately none of them had broken.  

“I’m sorry,” Rupert whispered to them.  “I knew there was something suspicious about this place but I ignored it.”  

The nymph regarded him for a long moment, prompting Amir to take his hand, before walking over to the sapling he’d touched.  She placed her palm on the trunk and closed her eyes.  

“You’re unlike the other humans here,” she said after a long moment of silence.  “The sapling knows.  And isn’t offended by your touch.  It seems my children are just as curious about you as you are about them.”  She stroked the sapling’s little branches.  “You broke free of my spell when your companions could not.”  

“Where are they?” Rupert asked.  

“Safe for now.”  She turned to him.  “I will forgive your violence and your threats.  I will even return the others to you.  In exchange, I want your blood.”  

“No deal,” Amir snapped but Rupert shushed him.  

“Why do you want it?”  

“I will not disclose that to you.”  

“How much blood?”  

She thought for a moment.  “Three vials.”  

“Rupert, you can’t be serious.  You have no idea what she’s going to use it for.”  

Rupert squeezed Amir’s hand.  “She wants to protect her saplings.”  

“Or maybe she wants to find a way to use it against you.  Remember how Malkia had wanted the blood of a prince to make her more powerful?”  

The nymph perked up.  “I did not know you were royalty.”  

Rupert gave Amir a look.  Amir glanced away sheepishly and mumbled, “She could still be planning something.”  

“Do you have any other ideas?”  When he followed Amir’s gaze to their weapons, he hissed, “Even if that wasn’t the dumbest thing you’ve ever come up with, we wouldn’t be able to take her.  She’s powerful.  Powerful enough that she could probably take my blood even if we didn’t agree to it.  Besides, it would be wrong.  We’re the invaders here, remember?  She’s just defending her territory.”  

“There are other ways to do it than kidnapping our knights and paralyzing you.”  

“Maybe those other ways didn’t work before.  Maybe we’re not the first ones to do this.”  He looked over at her.  “Maybe this is the only thing she knows will work.”  

The nymph had gone back to seeing to her saplings with a tenderness that made Rupert’s heart ache.  “If someone hurt Wenceslaus,” Rupert said, “wouldn’t you be angry too?”  

Amir followed his gaze and sighed.  “You know I would.”  He turned back to Rupert.  “Fine.”  

Rupert called out to the nymph, “I’ll give you my blood,” and she returned to them.  

“But I’m going to stay with Rupert,” Amir said.  “So don’t try anything.”  

“I can assure you that I will not.”  The nymph waved a hand and three small vials appeared.  She held out her other hand, which Rupert took after rolling up his sleeve.  She made a tiny cut with her finger just above his vein and Rupert gritted his teeth at the pain.  Amir wrapped an arm around Rupert’s waist and let him lean into him.  They watched the blood trickle into the first vial, then the second.  “Your powers are new and unsteady,” the nymph said, breaking the silence.  

“I just got them last month.”  

“You do not acquire power like this.  You come into the world with it.”  

“I mean it was dormant before.”  

“But you were never a stranger to it.”  She tapped the side of the vial gently.  “ Ma-gic is what you call it?”  

“Yes.”  Rupert swallowed.  “I guess I’ve always been around magic."  

“No, ma-gic has always been around you .”  She finished the third vial.  “Your blood will be used to construct a ward that will deter more intruders.”  

“Oh.”  There were worse uses, he supposed.  

“This will prevent harm from coming to anyone, be it human or grove.”  

“What about our knights and our horses?” Amir asked.  

She waved her hand again, and Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia appeared.  They all ran towards each other and met in the middle, all talking at once and checking each other for injuries.  

“I’m so sorry I chose this place,” Sir Alessia said.  She looked like she had been crying.  “I should’ve known it was too good to be true.”  

“We all should’ve known,” Sir Thurber reassured her.  

“Rupert did know,” Amir said.  When Sir Thurber and Sir Alessia turned to him, he continued, “We should have listened to him.”  

Rupert’s face heated and he shuffled his feet awkwardly.  “Let’s get the horses and get back on the road.  The weather’s cleared up.  Sorry again,” he added, turning back to the nymph, but she had vanished.  

Pandeia and Diana were just behind the boulder, munching on some freshly-grown grass as if nothing had happened to them.  Sir Alessia ran to Pandeia and hugged her around the neck.  

Rupert looked at the patch of grass.  “The nymphs fed them?”  

“They’ve never taken issue with animals,” Sir Thurber said as he reattached the tent to the carriage while the others packed everything else.  Sir Alessia hitched the horses up and they guided them back onto the road.  Sir Thurber opened the door.  “Shouldn’t be much longer, Your Highnesses.”  

Rupert climbed in, offering his hand to Amir.  Amir didn’t seem to see it, instead staring straight ahead with unfocused eyes.  Sir Alessia looked over at them as she began to climb onto the driver’s seat then stopped, mouthing, "Is he okay? " at Rupert.  

Rupert looked back at Amir and said, “Come here, sweetheart.”  

Amir blinked, coming back to himself, and took Rupert’s hand.  He climbed into the carriage.  Sir Thurber shut the door with a gentle thud and Amir settled, almost awkwardly, onto the bench.  Rupert took his hand.  

The carriage began to move.  They sat in silence.  Rupert allowed him the quiet just like he did after a bad nightmare.  After a moment, Amir leaned his head on Rupert’s shoulder and said, “I was scared.”  

“I know.  So was I.”  

“I didn’t know what had happened to you when you just … fell over like that.  I was – I thought she might have –”  He took a deep breath.  “Killed you.  And it would’ve been my fault.”  

Rupert shook his head.  “It wouldn’t have been your fault, baby.”  

“I brushed you off again.  You told me you had a bad feeling about the grove and I told you not to worry.  I didn’t listen to you, and you ended up hurt.”  His voice broke.  “I’m so sorry, Ru.”  

Rupert wrapped his arms around Amir, giving him a proper hug.  “Sweetheart,” he crooned.  “We made it out.  We’re okay.”  

Amir sniffled.  “She reminded me of the forest.  And of my father.”  

Rupert rubbed his back.  “They did kind of look like nymphs, didn’t they?”  He brushed his lips against his head.  “But our fathers are gone.  They can’t hurt us anymore.”  

Amir held him tighter.  “I’m nothing like him.”  

“You’re nothing like him,” Rupert confirmed.  “You’ll never be like him.  You care about your people.  You care about your husband.  You care about your son.  You’re not mad with power.  You’re a good man with a good heart.”  He pulled back just enough to wipe Amir’s tears away.  “And I’m not going anywhere.”  

His husband smiled and kissed him.  “Thank you.”  

“That was both a threat and a promise.”  

Amir chuckled a little.  “That’s my Ru.”  

The endearment made his heart flutter, and he bit his lip to keep from smiling too hard.  

Amir took Rupert’s hand.  “But how are you feeling?  How’s your arm?”  He rolled up his sleeve and examined the cut.  It wasn’t large by any means and had already stopped bleeding.  Amir still grabbed a bandage from the trunk and wrapped Rupert’s forearm tenderly, his eyes narrowed in concentration.  “I wish you hadn’t given her your blood.”  

“That was the best option.”  

Amir pursed his lips.  “I guess you’re right but I still don’t like it.”  

“That’s fair.”  

“It’s a good thing she could sense your magic or we wouldn’t have had that option.”  

Rupert looked down at his lap.  “My magic is the only reason we’re here.”  

“Hey.”  Amir placed a finger under his chin, tilting his face up.  “Hey.  None of that.  This isn’t your fault.  You saved us, Ru.  You were the one who broke free from the paralysis.”  

Rupert shuddered, remembering how it felt to be frozen.  How it felt like every other time he was tied up and dragged back to the castle or forced to stay –  

“Ru?”  

He blinked hard and shook his head sharply.  “Yeah?”  

Amir pulled Rupert into his arms.  “You should rest.  I know you didn’t sleep well last night.”  

Rupert didn’t argue, snuggling up in Amir’s lap and tucking his head into his shoulder.  “How’d you know?”  

“You don’t sleep well any night.”  

Rupert laughed softly at the sad truth and closed his eyes.  “Thank you,” he whispered.  

“For what?”  

“I don’t know.  Loving me, I guess.”  

Amir squeezed him.  “Always, Ru.”  

And somehow, Rupert was able to fall asleep.