Work Text:
When he’s medicated, Andrew goes through life with a haze of manic energy that makes everything look funny. Some things more than others — for example, the fact that the rest of the foxes look at Neil Josten and his lying mouth as if he is a naive, innocent kid is hilarious . Even through the fuzzy veil that are his meds, Andrew can see quite clearly that he’s lie threaded on top of lies, and if you unravel one of them there’ll probably be nothing else under it all.
Though perhaps he’s being unfair: Andrew’s very good at sniffing out things other people would rather stay hidden. He’s had to learn how to read people — so when he met Neil, his danger sense was immediately pinged. After all, no one’s that unassuming unless they have something to hide. It’s how you know people have secrets: they look too much like there’s nothing worth knowing about them, beyond the surface.
Neil, with his duffle bag and oversized clothes, is absolutely an outstanding liar. He knows exactly how to act to make people believe he’s harmless — he’s done it with (almost) the entirety of the foxes.
That’s what makes him so dangerous.
The fact he only ever uses his words to defend the foxes, or turn them into playing shape is… interesting. The fact he lets Andrew see the real him behind the lies is unexpected. The way he makes Andrew intrigued by being a walking contradiction is surely, surely a side-effect of the meds.
*
“Have I got a treat for you,” Kathy Ferdinand says, and Andrew knows immediately there’s a shitstorm coming. What he’s expecting is this: Neil will keep to himself and disappear in the background, making himself invisible the way only he knows how. He’ll let Kevin and Riko’s past steal the spotlight, and no one will remember he was even there except as a footnote. Meanwhile Riko will be his disgusting charming self and walk all over Kevin, who is spineless when it comes to the man — no one will even realize that Riko’s going to manipulate Kevin into leaving the foxes and returning to the ravens until it’s a done deal.
When the music starts playing, Andrew throws himself out of the chair — towards Kevin. There’s not much in his mind beyond the thought that he promised Kevin he’d protect him, he promised , and he never goes back on his word. He’ll play the unhinged psycho in live television, if he has to. Before he can get very far, Renee throws herself at him, in a way he knows he won’t be able to throw her off, then there are people holding his wrists. His skin crawls, but before he can say anything there’s Renee’s hand against his mouth.
He begins mentally preparing for Kevin’s future breakdown.
But then-
“I thought friends were supposed to cheer each other on,” Andrew hears Neil say, and it’s impossible to keep the smile off his face. It’s wide, and manic, and the contradiction that is Neil Josten makes something warm bubble inside of him. The mouth of him, the temper — the way he twists Riko’s words until he looks like a terrible friend, like a coward, like a jealous man who can’t deal with having someone else be better.
It’s a train wreck .
And it’s beautiful .
Immediately after Neil starts to talk, Andrew feels his whole body relax. It’s weird, but Andrew knows that Kevin is safe behind the walls of Neil’s words. He doesn’t usually trust other people to keep his promises in his stead, but just this time — just this time, he thinks it’s alright.
*
That’s the first time he feels like he wants Neil to stay.
*
It’s also the first time he realizes Neil can use his lying mouth for something other than hiding and running — it’s the first time he realizes Neil has it in him not to be the rabbit forever. When he holds his fingers against Neil’s pulse, that’s what he’s thinking: remember the moment you stopped being a rabbit and became a fox .
After that, it’s easy to keep an eye on him — and not only because he promised to watch his back, not only because he became family. There’s something about the countless contradictions that are Neil Josten that manages to catch Andrew’s attention in a way nothing else does. Not his degree, not Exy.
On the one hand, the skittish guy who can’t help but count the doors and windows, who has an escape plan ready for every situation and a myriad of troubles. On the other hand, the fierce, mouthy guy with a short temper and a protective streak a mile wide. It’s on the way he’ll keep himself to the sidelines and freak at the stupidest things, but taunt a player from the other team that’s violently targeting Nicky. On the way he’ll try to disappear among the crowds, but ignore the danger to himself when Kevin is under pressure because of Riko and the Ravens.
It makes Andrew curious . It makes Andrew want to learn him, want to peel his layers and understand what makes him tick .
*
He’s expecting it at the fall banquet.
Not exactly the way it goes, but he’s expecting something to happen. Riko likes to be on top, and last time they saw each other Neil really dragged him down. He’s also already learned that these moments, when Neil mouths off are… not exactly flukes, but not really planned either. It’s just that Neil has a spine of steel when it comes to standing between people he cares about and danger, and he seems not to have a lot of patience when it comes to a certain raven.
Andrew likes to watch him. Andrew enjoys seeing him stop running away. Andrew wants to watch him choose to stay, over and over.
When he does — when Neil shows him the phone and tells him he made a different call — laughter bubbles from inside him before he can stop.
*
Neil asks him to give an inch, and Andrew can’t help but want to see what he does with it — so he gives it to him. Neil seems to think he can get the foxes to act as a real team, or at least not as antagonistic as they’d been so far, and Andrew’s actually curious to see if he can make it happen.
To be quite honest, he doesn’t think Neil will manage to. There’s a lot of bad blood between the two groups, and Andrew’s unrepentant about his hand in it. He did what he had to do to keep his family safe, and that’s that. Andrew won’t apologize, because he’s not particularly interested in playing nice.
Neil’s a good liar, though, and he’s very good at saying the right words to the right people — at the end of the day, the upperclassmen agree to the halloween party. It’s, surprisingly , not that big a disaster.
So when Neil asks, Andrew gives him another inch.
This one ends up being much, much worse.
*
During those hellish days at Easthaven, Andrew had convinced himself Neil’s… everything had been the fuzziness of his meds making him look like something he wasn’t — had convinced himself that liking him was exactly like finding everything hilarious, or saying the things that were on his mind when he normally wouldn’t.
He’s wrong.
Neil says “ If it means losing you, then no ,” with such vehemence that Andrew feels his stomach swoop in a way that is completely unrelated to his fear of heights. It’s the first real feeling he’s felt since he can remember, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget this moment for the rest of his life: the feeling of his mind, entirely his own; the smell of smoke; Neil’s cadence as he says the words Andrew didn’t think he needed to hear.
“I hate you,” Andrew says, though that’s a lie. It’s the only one he allows himself. It’s his last defense against the onslaught of Neil’s pretty words. “You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”
“I’m not a hallucination,” Neil answers, though that’s not comforting. It’s not at all what Andrew meant. He always knew Neil was a person that existed — he never thought the figure of Neil had been something made up by his mind. It’s not how he works- how he worked . But the way Neil acted — or, rather, the way Neil’s actions made Andrew feel, that had to have been a side effect. Something justified by the alien chemistry affecting his brain.
It’s hard to believe that there’s still something in the world that makes Andrew feel good, that gives him positive emotions.
It should not be possible, and yet here they are.
Here he is.
Andrew looks at Neil, who’s looking back at him with an air of faint confusion. It’s not fair that Neil’s so smart about dealing with people, and yet he’s looking at Andrew as if he has no idea — he looks as if he doesn’t know how much power he has over Andrew.
Andrew lets the corners of his mouth lift up. “You are a pipe dream.”
*
It’s only because Andrew’s used to Neil saying stupid, sentimental words that he doesn’t realize there’s something very wrong with Neil’s you were amazing . Oh, he knows there’s something going on through the cracks on Neil’s mask, but he forgets Neil’s watching his own back and doesn’t realize he means it as a goodbye.
He’s gotten used to a Neil who chooses to stay.
Afterwards, those words — that whole scene, everything that happens before and everything that happens after — they’re going to haunt him.
At the time, all Andrew feels is annoyance at the warmth Neil can conjure from nothing with mere three words.
*
At the end of the season, at the end of everything , Neil’s still standing. Neil’s still standing, and Riko is dead . It’s not a result anyone would have bet on — not even Neil himself, who figured he’d already be dead — but Andrew thinks that if there was anyone at all capable of outwitting Ichirou Moriyama and convincing him he was more worth it alive, and Riko more worth it dead, that person is Neil Josten.
After all, Neil had managed something Andrew considered even more unlikely — something that should have been impossible. Neil managed to make Andrew feel .