Chapter Text
"Tadashi don't you love me?"
"Tadashi, would you do anything for me?"
"Tadashi, you don't love me, do you?"
Tadashi had grown to hate the own sound of his own name.
At a young age, Tadashi learned that everyone was a liar. No one kept their word and nobody ever meant well. But the biggest liar he knew was himself. The one who kept telling himself that she just meant well. She in fact, did not mean well, and Tadashi spent sixteen years of his life being abused by the woman he thought that he could trust.
...
Yamaguchi Tadashi was very aware that no one else's mother treated him the way that she did. He was very aware that what she was doing was illegal. And he yet he still kept his mouth shut and his head down. He still listened to everything she said to him. For he was just an twelve year old boy, who didn't know better that what he was taught in school.
Every single week he would come in to school with a new set of bruises along the left side of his back, and he was just thankful enough that his mother had the common sense not to display them for the whole school to see her abusive antics. They hurt, but Tadashi had learned to just get used to it. He thought that if he let himself be his mother's personal punching bag she would let out all her anger and go back to the way she used to be.
He was wrong, and he was stupid for letting himself think that if he were to let his mother stomp all over him, she would get better.
The boy convinced himself he was doing it for the great or good, but there was no good and no one was coming to save him from the grave he was digging himself.
Tadashi never had anyone over to his house. He could never play outside like the rest of the kids in his neighborhood. His mother didn't allow anything of the sort.
"What more do you need than me? Am I not enough Tadashi?" is what she would say. It would end in her screaming at him for being ungrateful or her beating him with a shoe across his back until it left a purplish brown bruise.
He was always alone, but a a part of him didn't mind that. He wanted someone who knew him very well and could share the same interests as him. And what better person fills that roll other than himself?
So while the other children played on the playground equipment during recess, Tadashi would read old Japanese fairy tales under the Sakura tree in the field. Usually there was nobody there so Tadashi would be able to peacefully imagine himself in those fairytales. It was his way to escape from what happened at home and he wished he could just disappear into the world of adventures and magic.
Tadashi knew how cliche that seemed but the idea of being able to do whatever you wanted in a fairytale seemed to entice him even more.
Tadashi was a very nice boy. He was quiet but very considerate. His freckles on his face made him give off a soft and nice look and did compliment his slightly tanned skin. The freckled boy had the potential to make friends, but he had the idea in his head that people will just let you down like him mother once did and how she will continue to do.
He thought everyone was a liar and no one ever said what they meant. And he was right, because it seemed to be as if everyone around him wore a mask and he could see right through them. He decided that it was useless to become close with anybody because in twenty years, you wouldn't even remember what they looked like or what their name was.
So as per usual when the bell rang declaring that it was time for recess, Tadashi made his way over to the Sakura tree. He sat against the stump and opened the book he had just gotten from the school library. This one was about three lost boys who ran away from their home is Takayama, Japan. Tadashi had found himself reading a lot about people escaping from their homes. Maybe it was because they had the guts to do what he has always dreamed of.
'But i love my mother. She wants the best for me, as I do for her' he would tell himself. But he knew he was lying straight through his teeth.
Ten minutes into recess he was flipping page after page, the anticipation just growing even more. It was quiet around the Sakura Tree, wind blowing a few times causing some flowers to fall off of the tree and fly along with the wind. Kids laughs and yells were heard around in the distance and deep down, Tadashi wanted to be apart of that as well.
But people will only disappoint you. There was absolutely no point in getting close with them.
"Hi!" a loud and high pitched voice yelled out. Tadashi jumped and looked up from his book. Something told him that he was getting to the good part of his story so he was quite annoyed at the minor inconvenience. The boy looked up to see a girl with dark brown hair and brown eyes peered down in front of him.
She looked very excited for some odd reason, as if she was excited to talk to a boy who did nothing but read in his spare time.
Tadashi looked at her but didn't say anything as he set his book on top of his lap. The girl looked to be examining Tadashi's face, her pupils moving all over and her eyes squinting occasionally. Tadashi was visibly uncomfortable, but it was either she didn't realize or she didn't care.
The boy hoped that if he didn't say anything she would leave, so he kept silent. She didn't though and continued to look at him. The girl looked like she was taking everyone one of his (not many) features into consideration. Although there was not much to consider.
After a gruesome and awkward ten second she flashed Tadashi a smile as she sat on the back of her heels on the grass. She looked way too eager.
"Oh! I've read that book before! It's super good." She said as her expression brightened even more than it was before. Tadashi gave her a questioning look then hummed. He doubted she had read it before. He found the book at the back of the fantasy section in the library and it looked like no one had even bothered to touch it forever.
Tadashi wanted to ask her why she was talking to him but he also had some self respect, so he didn't. He just silently hoped that she would go away.
But she didn't.
"I'm Nakano Akari!" she said with great enthusiasm. To be quite honest, Tadashi did not care who she was. He didn't want to talk to her at all. Tadashi blinked at her a few times then proceeded to pick up the book he was reading prior to the interruption and continue where he left.
He could feel the pout Akari was wearing but ignored it. He probably will forget what she looked like tomorrow, her name along with it.
Akari stood up and sat beside Tadashi. Oh, how badly the boy wanted to get up and leave her presence. But he didn't.
"Hm, I know your not mean. You just want me to leave, don't you?" She asked as she inched closer to Tadashi's cheek. The freckled boy absolutely hated it when he came in close contact with someone. It reminded of his mother and how she inched closed to his face when she was about to hit him. He tried not to get agitated and kept his composure.
Tadashi asked himself this: "if she could read the room, why wouldn't she leave the room?"
"C'mon don't ignore me! The proper way to start a conversation with someone is to give them a nice greeting and introduce yourself!" she said, almost proud of herself for remembering it. "Or at least that's what Oka-san said, I think." she proclaims as she puts her pointer finger on her chin as if she were in deep thought.
Tadashi wanted to laugh. He thought it was hilarious that this girl who he barely knew was giving him information on what her mother was telling her. Tadashi figured that she earned some pints in th social skills department and decided to throw her a bone.
"Hi. I'm-"
"Tadashi Yamaguchi, I know!" She says with a bright smile on her face. Tadashi's eyes never left his book but he furrowed his brows at her previous statement. Akari must have read his current face of confusion.
"A lot of the girls talk about you," she said with a huff at the end of her sentence.
Tadashi didn't even realized people even knew he existed, let alone talk about him. He didn't really want to know what they were talking about thought. He focused on the huff at the of Akari's sentenced. He figured she was either:
a. an attention seeker
or
b. a lesbian
"They think your pretty cute, you know? At least that's what I hear," Akari says as she looks up towards the branches of the large Sakura tree.
"I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. So I came to look for myself! And you are pretty adorable!" Akari exclaimed with a smile as she looked towards Tadashi. The boy looked at her but didn't blush as she expected. He wore the most disinterested face she had ever seen in her whole entire life!
"Ah, but you've got a pretty shit personality, Tada-chan!" She laughed. Tadashi didn't know what to think about first. The fact that she said he had a shit personality or the fact that she used his first name so casually. And even shortened it without even knowing him for more than two minutes.
"Hm, maybe you are a lesbian." he thought out loud and turned back to his book.
Akari laughed harder than she needed to and sighed as she dug her fingers into the grass.
"Hm, I guess we'll never know." Akari smiled to herself as she watched all the other children play soccer around the field.
The two of them had more things in common then they had thought.
The two of them had more in common than Tadashi had come to think of. Both of them were always in a constant chamber of reflection. And all they wanted to do was escape.
.
.
As Tadashi walked the squishing of wet grass underneath him was loud. The black umbrella he was holding above him had a broken piece to it but he still kept it after all these years. As he approached his destination he gripped the plastic wrap around the flower he was holding.
He came to a halt a few minutes later and placed the flowers down on the ground. Everytime he had been there he found himself reading over the writing on the stone to let it sink in. But it never did. It seemed to surreal. Tadashi looked down at the Larkspur flowers on the ground. They were always her favourite. Tadashi smiled to himself, then turned to walk away.
Here lies Akari Nakano. May her beautiful soul rest in peace. February 14th 1996 - April 19th 2023