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Your name is Karkat Vantas, and frankly you are done with Alternia’s shit. Fuck, you are done with Earth’s shit. You are done with the solar system’s shit, you are sick of the fucking stupid universe you failed to make, you are sick of THIS universe the humans made.
What made you feel like this? Well, it's simple. Daymares, or you guess nightmares now that you've adjusted your sleeping schedule to fit the humans who are the majority, and therefore, the deciders of most crap. They are all gods, are you aren't. Just another punch the universe, whichever one it may be, likes to throw at you to mock your very existence. They are held in the highest regard, fucking wriggler songs were made after them. Usually, you, Kanaya, Terezi, and Vriska don't get that type of treatment. There are a few live plays or tales where you are loosely included, usually as “God of Time’s Matesprit”.
You are okay with this to a point. It feels more like a handout then recognition, and that's what makes it sting. Kanaya gets a tad more bit credit then the rest of the trolls, to her mild disdain for it. She is regarded as “The Mother Of All Trolls” according to most jades, which both fills her with pride but makes her exemplarily uncomfortable when she's trying to do basic shit in there. They straighten up, puff their chests, and clean the bouncey mesh flooring (Kanaya’s request, as wrigglers are very prone to, well, throwing themselves fucking everywhere) ten times over. You know this because she likes to call you on her off days while she does laundry or sews a brand new petticoat (she lets you try them on, you secretly LOVE IT) and hums about the going ins and outs of life, and have entered in there with her on occasion.
Vriska is maybe the second most revered, but still not as well known as the humans just like the rest of you trolls. She demands everyones respect, and sets terror into every pre-molt 5 sweep old at any of her stupid ‘tedderified-talks’ where she regales in her tales to a crowd then blows shit up and fights people in the audience as an example. They make you sign a waiver but you doubt it's legal, but god-by-proxy shit prevents actual repercussions. Oh and her girlfriend is the embodiment of law. Terezi sits in the back, disguised, for support most times, then jumps out for a classic sword fight that the crowd supposedly loves according to, you guessed it, Vriska.
Terezi, well. Terezi works in justice, or is the justice. If a worse or big enough case calls, she is the one to take the stand (you doubt thats the right saying but fuck off you arent a lawyer) and reighn justice. Her cackles set terror in the accused, defendant, jury, and spectators alike. She finds it a tad bit more than concerningly funny.
You, you're not special like the others. You shout and bitch and whine and complain, you are the god-by-proxy of anger management issues, it is you. You aren't anything good, or outstanding you from the crowd, nothing defines you as notable in the eyes of the public. Looks like you're just as much as a failure in this universe as you were your own.
Your nightmares consist of the night where you got more than half your team killed, and got murdered the moment you could even open your eyes on prospit. The betrayal hurt more than the sword through your chest by Jack Noir’s own hand. Stupid honks haunt and terrify your sleeping hours. You could've done more, you shouldve. Nepeta was so young, and you ignored her just because you wanted an issue dealt with. The grossest part of you thinks the reason you sent her and Equius was because you found her annoying and didnt care what happened, or maybe expected her to live up to some standard you set. It makes you feel gross and ashamed. You failed her, and you failed Equius too. You sent him on a suicide mission more than you did nepeta. You are a selfish bastard, dooming fucking children to their own murders. They were so young, but so were you. Stupid, tiny, idiotic, puny Karkat cant do shit then, and you still cant do shit now. What a great leader.
And what about Eridan? That was your fault too. You could’ve calmed him down before, you SHOULD’VE, you could’ve stopped him before he shot Kanaya, or the matriorb, or your other fucking friends. But no, like the piece of shit you are you stood back and simply watched terrified. Some leader Karkat, some leader alright.
And Sollux, your best fucking friend, who honestly wouldve become your matesprite eventually with how you were flittering around eachother after the terezi heartbreak, and hell before that too---dead at your complacency. You wish you stopped it, stopped them from brawling and him being the pretentious dick he was and thinking he could take down ahab's crosshairs at max setting himself. He was the most powerful psionic to live, which wasnt saying much in a session of 12 people, but that things like gogs piss turned into molten iron turned into lightning with fucking you dont know crabs?? Gog you are so fucking disaspointting, you couldnt even bring his body to safety without fucking up.
Tavros, even if you weren't close, was just beginning his life. He was just getting confidence, getting away from vriska and starting to live for himself. You'd never say it aloud, even to him, but you were jealous of his ability to do that. Never in a million years could you get away from this, or yourself. but he did, he got the strength to get out. And now he's dead, your fault again.
You didn't know Feferi, or talk to her much. But if she was being truthful, she would have helped the troll race in such a great way. Sure it wasn't fool proof, but she at least had good intent. You couldn't say that for most previously-royalty. You dont think you couldve saved her, it was gonna happen, but like fuck if it doesnt hurt massively. You still failed her.
You won't, will never, bring up Gamzee as more than a passing thought, it hurts too much to remember him.
You don't even realize it till arms snake around you and warm hot breath goes down your neck and makes you shiver that you are crying. And not tiny tears, big glops of red water drip from your face onto you and dave's bed.
“Hey, Karkat, baby, what's wrong?” slipped through your ears and, unsurprisingly, you cry harder. He knows about those nightmares, about what happened before they arrived, all the friendships you made and lost because you are a massive failure of a leader and in general. “Hey, no. Karkles, Honey, come here.” you felt on your neck as dave pulled you close from behind, spooning you and holding on tight enough to let you know he's there without suffocating.
You couldn't help yourself, after that you couldn't hold it back anymore, they came out in fat wails and cries that were soaking the pillow cover on your side. A small hum of “Kat, shhhhh. It's okay, I'm here, let me help you” escaped Dave as he cradled you, massaging your hips and waist with one hand and holding your back to his chest with another. Just lightly consoling you in the sweetest way, just like usual.
You don't deserve this at all. You failed, you deserve to cry, you don't deserve the nice treatment he is giving you. Apparently you said that out loud, but only realized it after the “Dude, no. You deserve all of this and more, you aren't a failure. If this is about, um, yknow, then, you were a kid. You couldn't have done more than you already did. You did your best. You're not a failure, at least not to me” and being crushed into a tight hug.
You turn, face brimming with salty eye water, and bury your stupid little alien face into his chest and mild collarbone, horns almost resting at his chin. Dave seemed to have a furrow in his brow as he went to rest his head right in between where your horns divide, a usual manner for him. He waited a while, holding and massaging and rubbing back through it all with little shooshes, till he spoke. “Kat. you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened years ago. Well, you can, but it's not healthy. It's over, neither of us can go back, and I promise you there's some things I wish i could go back and change, but i can't. We can't. We just have to go forward with time's arrow, and I'm not gonna leave your side or let any of that happen ever again for as long as my little weird life will last. I love you Karkat, alright?” was what escaped his brain, mouth, lips, lungs--whatever you wanna blame it on. And while you only began to weep harder, you knew you were loved. you knew you were safe, here, in the now, with dave.
“I love you too”
A long silence. But the silence isn't bad, it was comforting. Filled with kisses to the forehead and cheek then lips and cuddles galore.
“Want me to make you those blackberry pancakes you love so much despite the fact the seeds make it somehow crunchy despite being a pancake?”
“Oh fuck off, they are good”
A little stare, then a quirk of his lips into a smirk.
“So do you want them or not?”
You let out gruff sigh.
“Yes, I would, Dave. Thank you.” and you didn't fight it, you didn't choke it out, you meant it fully.
After a few small giggles dave unlatched from your body and lightly set you down with a kiss to your temple, getting up in literally nothing other than some boxers and baggy sweatpants that seemed to never quite hug his hips--as narrow as they were.
You didn't notice it before, but the sun was peeking out through the curtains in their room--black out ones because you couldn't stand waking up to morning rays in your face-- which seemed redundant now that they were slightly opened before bed. And as Dave stood up, no shades, a bright smile etched onto his face and his eyes half lidded admiring you. You felt shy under the attention, but let it slide as he did just comfort you from a nightmare. And before Dave was about to walk away, he placed his left hand onto the doorframe of their bedroom entrance.
A smitten look, smile, giggle, on his face and lips let him know it all. His ring on his ring finger glistened in the light, a thick gold band shining brighter than the sun.
“I love you Karkat Strider-Vantas”
You couldn't help but smile.
“I love you too Dave”