Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Oikawa didn't know, how to start this conversation.

He needs his best friend's help, but he doesn't know how to properly address the issue. He's been avoiding the topic for three years, so everything was even more complicated than it should've been. 

"Iwa-chan," he said, quietly.

Iwaizumi didn't look up from his book, only hummed in acknowledgment. Maybe it was better, that Iwaizumi wasn't looking at him. It would actually be a lot easier, if he could avoid seeing the disappointment on Iwaizumi's face 

"It's Tobio-chan's birthday tommorrow, isn't it?" he said, trying to act casual and natural, as he rested his chin on his palm and looked out of the window. 

"Huh?" Iwaizumi looked up from his book. Ah, Oikawa didn't choose the right words. "Why do you know that?"

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Come on, I've seen the applications for the volleyball club, of course I know."

"Why are you asking me then?" answered Iwaizumi, and turned his eyes back to the book in his lap.

"But it's his 16th birthday, isn't it?" Oikawa tried again.

Maybe, if he just hints at it, Iwaizumi will understand, and he wouldn't have to spell it out. But apparently, Iwaizumi decided to be an idiot. Or maybe he wasn't actually listening. 

"So? He's going to be 16 now what?"

And maybe, Oikawa should just leave it here. It would be better, if Iwaizumi didn't know what he had done. Maybe he shouldn't have initiated the conversation in the first place.

But it's been three years, and the horrible feeling of guilt on his chest was heavier than before. The scars on his right hip were itching, they were ugly and disgusting, and Oikawa hated the scarred tissue.

He didn't want to feel like this anymore, the guilt was eating him alive, and he supposed it got to him. .The fact that Tobio will suffer for his own actions didn't bother him before, but now as this day is coming... his heart feels strangely heavy.

"But it's... his 16th birthday," he said again, hoping Iwaizumi would get the hint this time.

Iwaizumi sighed.

"Yeah, he's gonna get his soulmark. So what? There's no need to feel worried it's going to be you. You could bully him all of your life, and isn't that just fantastic?"

Oikawa didn't answer for a moment. Because what Iwaizumi said, just added a little more weight on his shoulders. That sounded like something he would say, three years ago.

He didn't answer to Iwaizumi's question, but rather decided to cut to the point. "I never actually showed you my soulmark, did I?"

He said the sentence quietly, turned away from Iwaizumi, who was paying more attention to him now. Oikawa didn't want to see his face, when he realises, what Oikawa was saying.

"Not, that I remember. Why?" carefully asked Iwaizumi.

Oikawa didn't say anything, and let the silence speak for itself. The silence was suffocating, and Oikawa's hip burned. He didn't know if he imagined the pain, but he hoped it was real.

He hoped he didn't completely fuck up.

"Don't tell me..." Iwaizumi started, voice dreadfully quiet. Oikawa didn't turn to look at him, but he felt Iwaizumi's burning gaze at the back of his head.

"You-" Iwaizumi gasped and Oikawa bit his lip.

He didn't know what kind of reaction to expect. He was ready to get his head whacked, he was ready for yelling. But Iwaizumi stared at him, quietly, not saying anything. Waiting for Oikawa to speak up, explain. But the brunette didn't want to say it out loud.

He stubbornly kept his gaze away from Iwaizumi, even when the boy crawled closer, and grabbed his arm.

"Oikawa! Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Iwaizumi asked, voice strained.

Oikawa supposed he should tell him, if he wants Iwaizumi to help him. He started the conversation with this purpose anyway. Because he did something really bad this time.

He turned to look at Iwaizumi, and it was enough.

Iwaizumi looked at him wide eyed. "Are you.. oh my god! You're Kageyama's soulmate?"

Oikawa merely nodded, and Iwaizumi leaned back, and rubbed his eyes with his hands, in visible frustration, "Oh my God! What the fuck?? I can't believe this!"

Oikawa would agree.

It was fucking ridiculous, that the universe decided to pull a practical joke on him. But that wasn't the worst thing to come, as Oikawa had something else to get off his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell him? And you're telling me this now, today? 24 fucking hours before Kageyama gets his soulmark?" Iwaizumi exclaimed, and grabbed Oikawa for his shoulders to shake him violently.

This was more like Iwaizumi, and Oikawa supposed he felt relieved.

"Wait, that's- that's not all..." Oikawa said, and pushed Iwaizumi away. That didn't stop the other boy, who just whacked him upside the head instead.

Oikawa whined, and rubbed his head, where Iwaizumi had hit him. The boy was sitting beside him now, frowning and arms crossed.  Oikawa supposed he was feeling left out, and betrayed that he didn't trust him with this, but no one but himself knew about this. 

He didn't want anyone to know. 

"I. uh..." 

"Spit it out. I don't have all day Shittykawa."

Oikawa took in a deep breath. He should just say it, to get it off his chest, and to seek help. Surely, Iwaizumi, or someone would know how to fix it.

"Remember that time, when I had surgery in my second year?" he asked, hesitantly.

He hoped Iwaizumi would pick up from just that, because he didn't want to admit to it, he didn't want the boy to know just how horrible he really is. His hip still burned, and Iwaizumi huffed.

"That ankle surgery that was very complicated? Yeah, you were bitching about it for days. What does it have to do with anything?"

"I lied about that."

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. He just sat there, waiting for Oikawa to speak. The said brunette turned away, kept his gaze on the birds outside his window. He didn't want to see Iwaizumi's disappointed glare. Or his betrayed expression, that was even worse.

"I mean, I didn't lie about the surgery, I did went to get operated. But not my ankle," he said slowly, quietly.

That was so unlike him, and Iwaizumi was too quiet.

But judging by the harsh intake of breath, Iwaizumi understood what he was saying. And Oikawa barely had time to dodge, when Iwaizumi practically threw hismelf at him, and grabbed his wrists.

"You...Shittykawa what the fuck did you do?" Iwaizumi didn't yell. He asked quietly, with strained voice.

It was obvious, the boy knew what Oikawa did, but still refused to connect the dots.
The brunette didn't say anything, he really didn't want to confirm it out loud.

He tried to squirm his wrists out of Iwaizumi's grasp, but the boy just hold him tighter.

"Oikawa!"

"I removed my fucking soulmark, okay?"Oikawa then yelled back, and Iwaizumi stilled. "I removed my soulmark, and now I don't know what to do, beacuse I didn't think that through, and.."

Oikawa didn't get to say anything else, because Iwiazumi smashed his head in his, to shut him up. Oikawa yelped, and fell back on the bed from the impact.  Iwaizumi was already grabbing his shirt, and shaking him violently.

"Of course you didn't think that through! What the fuck were you thinking in the first place, you fucking dumbass? You know, that's going to kill him right?" Iwaizumi screamed at him, anger loud nad clear in his voice. "That's going to kill you!"

And yes, Oikawa might know what consequences his actions might have.

The thing with soulmarks was, that if you already met your soulmate before your soulmark was formed, the pain of the soulmark being written on your body was supoosed to be really awful.Because a part of the bond was already formed, and if there was a distance between them, the connection was weak, and the soulmarks would burn harder.

The pain of them already knowing each other would already be very painful, but with Oikawa cutting Kageyama off-

Soulmates were a special bond between two individuals. Their souls were connected at their birth, before they even came to life. Their souls were already chosen to be a pair, ready to be connected with heart strings, and matching marks.

The marks could be anywhere on the body, and it consisted of initials of your soulmate's name. They were blank at first, just outlines were visible, but when you met your soulmate, the colors filled the letters.

If one was to reject the bond, the colours would fade. But the connection would still be there, and both of them would be okay.
But if someone were to take a surgery, the soulmark would be forcefully removed, and a part of the soulbond would be broken.

There are a lot of theories, some say that the bond was so strong, that a surgery wouldn't be enough to remove the bond, to delete the parts of your soulmate from your heart. The other one, was that with no mark, there was no bond.

With bond removed, the person would also loose some ability to feel emotions, numbness was one of the side effects. The removal would affect both of them, the pain was to be dreadfull, especially if one of the pair didn't consent to it.

The breaking of the bond was worse than putting a wall, it could kill you in the long run.

And Oikawa was still angry and jealous back then. He didn't think rationally, he didn't tell anyone, what he was about to do. He  went in hopes to remove Kageyama from his life, but he didn't want to harm himself in the process.

That's why he did it so early, why he didn't talk to anyone. And now, three years later, after he's seen Kageyama's growth, after he actually felt proud on his kouhai, he regretted his actions so bad. Or perhaps, he wasn't feeling any remorse for Tobio, but for himself, because this is bound to hurt again.

He hoped the first theory about the bonds was right.

"I was selfish okay?" he yelled back at Iwaizumi. "I was jealous and selfish brat, and I didn't want Tobio-chan's name on my body! So I went to the surgery!"

Iwiazumi furrowed his brows, and shook him again. "No! You weren't fucking selfish, beacuse if you were, you wouldn't fucking do that!"

Oikawa stared up at fuming Iwaizumi. He knew he was right, but Oikawa never liked admiting to his mistakes.

"Because it's going to affect you too! You weren't even thinking about yourself you fucking dumbass! Why didn't you say anything?"

"I knew you were going to try and convince me otherwise, and I didn't want to hear it."

Oikawa didn't want to finish his sentence. Iwiazumi understood anyway, and let go of his shirt. He slumped against a wall and put his head in his hands. Oikawa looked away, because he didn't want to see that.

That was exactly why he didn't want Iwaizumi to know.

"God damnit Toruu," mumbled Iwaizumi and Oikawa stiffened. "You really hate him that much?"

"No! I don't," Oikawa hissed back. He still didn't look at his best friend. "Not anymore at least."

"That...makes it worse," Iwaizumi huffed in response. Oikawa looked over his shoulder at Iwaizumi, who wasn't looking at him. "Because that means you cut Kageyama off without any actual reason..."

Oikawa didn't answer, because Iwaizumi was right.

Oikawa was petty, and childish, he wasn't thinking in the long run, and he fucked up everything. Because Kageyama will get his soulmark tomorrow, and who knows how he'll handle it.

Oikawa heard awful stories about rejected marks, and he didn't wished the pain to Kageyama. No, he didn't posses any more hostile emotions for the boy. No, in the past year, he grew to actually like the younger setter.

And he felt so guilty, because it didn't matter.

The bond wasn't even formed, and it never will be, and Oikawa felt like he destroyed something precious.

He already crushed Kageyama once, the events of middle school still haunted him sometimes. But he got older, he got a little wiser, and he took responsibility for his actions.

He apologised to the boy, and Kageyama, his sweet little kouhai, looked up at him with that shiny look in his eyes again.

And Oikawa was feeling guilty, so fucking guilty, because the smile on the boy's lips was so hopeful and genuine, and Oikawa's hip burned so bad.Kageyama didn't even know what was going on, but Oikawa alreday fucked up everything.

Iwaizumi rose up, and sat on the bed beside Oikawa.

"Can I see?"

Oikawa didn't want to show him. Because the scars were ugly, still red againts his paler skin. But he needs help with fixing this, and maybe it's not that bad.

So, he raised his shirt, and showed Iwaizumi the scars above his hip bone. Iwiazumi could see faint traces of T. K, but barely visible. The red scars were covering it up, and if he weren't looking closely, he wouldn't even see the mark.

"Iwaizumi," Oikawa said quietly, when Iwaizumi pulled away. He looked at his friend, whose face was carefully blank, lacking reaction.

"How do I fix this?"

Iwaizumi looked at him for a moment, before he turned away.

"This time? I don't think you can."

Chapter Text

"Na, Kageyama," Hinata called out to the setter, after their first match at the Nationals.

They were getting ready for sleep, and Kageyama wasn't exactly in the mood to chat with the middle blocker. But Hinata was a big ball of energy, and he figured he might as well exchange some words with the shorter boy, or he might not get any actual sleep tonight.

"Hm?"

"It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it?"excitedly said Hinata, as he laid down on his futon.

"Yea? So?"

"And? Are you excited?" Hinata perked up at the setter, who frowned at him.

"Why would I be excited? I'm a year older, so what?" Kageyama answered, his voice monotone. Birthdays weren't anything special for him. He never actually had anyone to celebrate his birthdays with.

It wasn't like he hated, despised the idea of birthday parties. With his grandfather's passing, and his mother practically walking out on him, no one even called him on the 22d of December. So birthdays quickly became just another day to Kageyama. 

Not that he particularly cared. 

Hinata visibly deflated and frowned at the raven-haired boy. "Wha? But it's your 16th birthday?? You're getting your soulmark tomorrow?"

Kageyama shrugged. He didn't particularly care about soulmates. He did find the fact that there is someone else, whose soul is bind to his, a little ridiculous. But he liked to imagine, what meeting your soulmate, being with them would feel like.

The whole thing actually lacked logic, and there was no real science behind that, but they were individuals, who made him believe that soulmates are, sometimes, real. Like Daichi and Sugawara. They were soulmates, and Kageyama could practically see the bond between them, like a golden thread. He would never say it out loud, but he wished for a bond like that.

But who knows where his soulmate is.

They could be literally anywhere, and Kageyama might never even cross their path. Maybe it was a random student, who walked past him in school, or maybe it was a random customer in the grocery store. Maybe it was a person living in a whole diferent country, continent even. He probably won't even see his soulmate. Chances his soulmate was actually in the same country were very small. 

And he wasn't lucky enough, to be one of those fortunate ones. And he was completely fine with that. Because he knew his soulmate probably won't even want him to begin with. 

"Bakayama, you know that stuff's pretty important, right?" seriously said Hinata. The middle blocker was looking at him, with too serious expression on his face. 

Like he was already thinking about having this conversation, and Kageyama was too tired for this. He was too tired for serious conversations right now.

Kageyama huffed in annoyance. "Whatever. There's almost zero chance for me to actually meet them, so..."

"But what if you've already met them?" Hinata said quietly, and pointedly looked away.

Kageyama was ready to just shrug his shoulders. Like he said before, chances for that were less than zero. He was about to whack Hinata upside the head and tell the dumbass to go to sleep and leave him alone, when Tsukishima snorted.

"Why, don't tell me you're hoping to match with King?"

Hinata then blushed, and started waving his hands around. He was already spluttering some complete nonsense, and god damn. Kageyama had enough. They have another match to win tomorrow for God's sake. 

Kageyama kicked the orange haired boy with his leg. "The fuck boke? Your soulmark doesn't nearly resemble my name?"

The raven-haired boy had seen Hinata's soulmark. Not that he actually wanted to, but the dumbass was practically shoving his arm in front of the setter's face, when he got it. 

Kageyama didn't understand how the boy could talk about the thing so freely. So casually, like it didn't really matter. Because Hinata spoke very highly of soulmate mattery. He always showered Kageyama with useless questions, about them. 

He told the setter his dreams about his soulmate too. How he wished they'd also be interested in volleyball, how he wishes he could take them to shrine every year. How they would go to the festival together. And sometimes, Kageyama also thought about things like that. How he wished he could hold his soulmate's hand, how they'd paly volleyball together. 

But deep down, he knew he wouldn't get that. How could someone love him unconditionally? Him, who even his own mother can't bring herself to love? 

"It could be you know."

But it wasn't. He had seen Hinata's soulmark, and the letters didn't resemble his initials at all. And he didn't understand why the ginger wanted him as his soulmate. 

Kageyama stared at the middle blocker, not sure what to say. No one wanted to be his soulmate before, if anything, he heard people actually pity his other half.

The whispers followed him around, and ugly looks were sent his way. He wasn't someone lovable. No, he scared people away, no one dared to approach him. And he was fine like that.  He tried to not let the ugly words get to him, but with that fatal match in middle school, when he managed to drive his team away, he started to believe the rumours. 

He started to believe, that he didn't deserve to have a soulmate. He still dreamed about the hugs from time to time. But all that was just his wishful thinking. 

"I.. what?"

Hinata looked at him then, blush still visible on his cheeks. "I... I think it wouldn't be so bad, to be matched with you. We could play volleyball every day."

And Kageyama just stood there for a moment. Because no one before said that. No one before thought it wouldn't be that bad, to be soulbonded to him. 

But here he was, Hinata, sitting in front of him, looking at him with a smile on his face. His eyes were almost shining, just like that time, when he first set for him. The raven-haired boy felt weird urge to hug Hinata, but he settled on patting the middle blocker's head. 

"Huh. You're right. That... that would be cool," agreed Kageyama, and kept his voice emotionless and bored. 

He didn't notice how Tsukishima looked at him from the other side of the room. 

"Right?" Hinata beamed up at him, and Kageyama suppressed the urge to softly smile back. 

But they both knew they were not a match. Hinata had someone else's initials carved in his arm and his soul was bonded to someone else. 

And Kageyama was okay with that, because he wished the best for Hinata, even if he stubbornly didn't show it. The orange haired boy deserved someone far better than him, and he was glad he wasn't the one Hinata would end up with. 

Even tho he sometimes wondered, if it would be possible. Sometimes, when he couldn't sleep, he sat awake in his bed. He traced the skin on his forearm, right on the spot where Hinata's mark is. Sometimes, he felt his eyes sting, and sometimes, he let the tears fall. Sometimes, he allowed himself to cry over a soulmate he didn't even have. 

Their conversation was cut off when Daichi violently threw a pillow in their direction. 

"Shut up! It's almost midnight, why the hell are you still up?" yelled the captain, and Hinata quickly laid down on the futon, and Kageyama followed suit. 

They had another match tomorrow, and they were playing for the win. All of them need to be maximum, because Nationals weren't a piece of cake, they learned that today. 

And they were determined, to bring the medal back to Miyagi.

Daichi then bid them goodnight, and flicked the lights off. Kageyama settled down and wrapped himself up in the blanket. He didn't know how to feel about tomorrow. He was positive about the match, they played well today. 

So he wasn't actually worried about their performance. They won two sets in a row today, so he feels pretty confident. He trust his teammates, but what worried him was the soulmark. 

Or rather, the mark forming. From what he learned, the whole thing could be really painful, depending if he he already knew who his other half was. He heard some stories about tha pain, from Daichi amd Sugawara for example. 

"It burned. It really burned, for a moment, I was sure my leg was on fire," said Daichi one day, when Hinata (the fucking dumbass) decided to ask about their captains being soulmates. 

"Yeah. My too. It was like I was holding my leg over a scorching flame," said Sugawara. The setter shivered as he recalled the memory. 

And Kageyama found himself wishing that day, that he didn't met his soulmate yet. He didn't want to feel the pain that made Daichi srcunch his face and Sugawara shiver. 

But then Sugawara held out his hand to Daichi, and smiled. "But then the pain stopped, and I felt something completely different, to the scorching pain I felt before. It was nice, and soft, it felt like someone was gently caressing the spot where Daichi's initials are."

Daichi smiled softly back at Sugawara then, and Kageyama regained a little faith in soulmates. Because something was clearly there, something stronger than the usual love one felt for another. 

No, there was something greater and even more beautiful. 

And Kageyama wanted that, but he knew better. 

For some reason, the marks form at 12 o'clock. How that made sense, Kageyama never bothered to ask. But he hoped, that the timimg won't be crucial. He hoped  he wouldn't feel a lot of pain, and he hoped he wouldn't be the reason they lost. 

Mabye he should ask their coach, to sub him out at twelve. Because they were here to win, and he couldn't afford to fuck up. He couldn't afford to hold his team back, soulmate be damned.

He doesn't know who the person is, but he won't risk losing at Nationals for them. And maybe that's why he doesn't deserve a soulmate.Because he is too selfish, he doesn't know how to properly care for others.

But that doesn't really matter, does it?

"Hey Kageyama?" Hinata whispered, his voice slightly slurred form sleep.

"Mhm?"

"Goodnight," said Hinata and Kageyama exhaled softly. Maybe, maybe he also wished it would be Hinata, who wore his initials.

The whole thing would be easier, their arms would burn like hell of course, but Kageyama could manage.

"Goodnight you dumbass," Kageyama whispered back softly. Hinata snorted in response, and the raven-haired boy heard shuffling of the sheet, when Hinata turned around. 

If Kageyama's lips were pulled in a soft smile, no one needed to know. 

Chapter Text

"Shittykawa, get here it's starting," yelled Iwaizumi from the hotel living room. 

 Karasuno was playing against Inarizaki, and with Kageyama's birthday, and soulmark forming, they decided to watch the live broadcast of the game.

Oikawa already had intentions of watching the game, and Iwaizumi was also curious to see the outcome. They were both also on the look out for Kageyama, since it was almost 12. am.

And since the whole thing is already bound to be bad, Iwaizumi wanted to dragg Oikawa all the way to the Tokio stadium. But tickets were already sold out, and they didn't have other option but to settle in one of the hotels nearby, and watch the streaming. Oikawa understood where Iwaizumi was coming from, the distance between them would be too great, and who  knows what would happen, if Oikawa stayed in Miyagi. 

He doesn't want to know. 

Needless to say, Oikawa was nervous. The scarred tissue on his hip was itching, tingling. He hoped it wasn't just his imagination, he hoped the slight burn in his hip was real. The doctor told him he wouldn't be able to feel anything, that it would be like the mark was never there. She did mention some complications, but Oikawa wasn't really listening.

All he was focused on back then, was how he wouldn't be able to feel Kageyama, how he'd remove him from his life one way or another.

But the scars were itching now and he allowed himself to hope. He hoped the procedure didn't remove eveything, that there was a little part of it left.

"Damn, his serve could match yours. He even got the cheering squad to grow quiet," mumbled Iwaizumi, and Oikawa blinked.

He was so lost in thoughts he didn't notice the game was already starting. Heck, Karasuno already won the first set.

"Nah, I can do it better," he mumbled back, but his voice was lacking the sarcasm.

He didn't pay much attention to the match, he was observing Kageyama. He seemed okay, even at the top of his game, he got three no touch aces in a row.His form was amazing, and the serve he pulled was something new. It was diferent than the serve he saw him do in their matches. Kageyama managed to polish it, in such little time. 

If this were to happen three years ago, Oikawa would be fuming with jelaousy, and spitting disgusting cruel insults. Because he himself needed to work a little harder, push a little further.

But he couldn't feel any envy or jealousy now. He felt proud, to see how Kageyama has improved, even without his actual help. And maybe it was  a good thing, that Oikawa refused to show his kouhai the serve. Because Kageyama managed to find and develop his own. He improved his skills, and he got better.

That was what mattered, didn't it?

"Heh. Sure. Kageyama seems to be doing okay," answered Iwaizumi.

And Oikawa was about to agree, because his kouhai's expressions weren't pained or anything. His face was the same, as alwys, the slight crease between his eyebrows, as he feowned in concentracion.

But then he glanced at his wrist watch, and he froze on spot, when he saw what time it was. It was 12. o clock. There it came, the moment he dreaded the most. Oikawa bit his lip nervously, and rubbed his hand against the scars on his hip. 

Kageyama was ready to serve again. 

~

Kageyama spinned the ball. They won the first set, but they were at match point now. If he can get two no touch aces in, they would win this set too, and the match would be over.

Hinata didn't bug him about the soulmate thing since yesterday. He supposed that's a good thing, because Kageyama really didn't need any distraction. He did however bombard him with happy birthday wishes, as soon as Kageyama opened his eyes. He faked annoyance, but it felt nice, to hear the birthday wishes. At least for once in his life. 

He threw the ball up, and swang his hands back. He did vaguely register a slighty itch on his hip, supposedly caused by the mark forming.He forgot to ask Ukai to sub him out at 12. He didn't even realise they were playing for that long, but he can handle it.

The pain wasn't even that bad. 

He ran up to the white line, and jumped up. The itching increased to a burning feeling, but he didn't let that get in the way. He had a match to win, he would deal with his stupid mark later. Kageyama hit the ball, with less force than he intended, but it was strong enough, to set the ball over. Their libero barely had time to dive for the ball, but it was too late. The ball was in, and Kageyama scored another no touch ace.

The crowd went wild, and he heard his teammates shout in victoriously. A small smirk graced his lips, when he spinned the ball in his hands again.

"Kageyama nice one! One more!" yelled the crowd, and the setter also heard Sugawara cheering for him in the background. 

He wondered, if Oikawa was watching. 

What did the older boy think? Did he finally saw him as an equal rival, someone worthy of competition, or was he still looking down on him, like he was still just a kouhai? Kageyama hoped the setter was watching. Because he developed his own serve, with his own skill, and he hoped Oikawa saw it.

He wanted Oikawa to see it. To see him.

His hip was burning now, almost unbearable, and he had to grit his teeth for a moment. Maybe he should call to swap with Sugawara, but the whistle was blown, and Kageyama was ready to serve again. He tried to not think about the scorching pain on his hip, as he threw the ball up. Just one more, and they'll win. One more point, and they'll move on to the next stage, they'll be one step closer to win the Nationals.

He jumped, he was ready to hit the ball, when the scorching pain in his hip increased. It hurt too much, he couldn't feel the ball hit his hand, when he stumbled on his shaky legs. 

What the hell? 

It felt like something was tearing at his hip with razors, like something was splitting him open. He heard bad stories about mark forming, he heard how it could burn, but he never heard it could feel like your body was beimg torned open. The pain was increasing with each moment, and he couldn't even stand anmyore, his vision was blurring, and he couldn't breathe. His knees hit the ground, he didn't hear his teammates calling out his name.

The raven-haired boy cursed, as he realized what that meant. His soulmate was someone he knew, someone he already bonded with.

Fuck.

Kageyama grabbed his hip with his hand, and he panicked, when he felt thick, warm liquid running down his hand.

What the fuck was happening? Why is there blood on his hands? This wasn't supposed to happen, his mark shouldn't even be that painful.

The pain didn't stop it was even worse than before, and he couldn't stop the scream from escaping his lips.

Something tugged at his chest, and he couldn't breathe anymore, he was trying to, but his breaths were shallow. He felt something pulling at something inside of him, like someone was trying to pull at invisible threads attached to his soul.

He didn't know what was going on, he didn't try to understand it, bevause he was too busy trying to breathe normally. He choked on nothing but air, and his chest was aching. He felt hands gripping his forearms, but that only caused the strings to pull harder, and Kageyama tried to swat the hands away.

He looked down on his bloody hip, and could barely see anything through the tears in his eyes, as he tried to wipe the blood away. He wanted to see who was hurting him like this.

The bloody initials O. T were staring back at his in pain scrunched up face. And the world stopped for a moment, time froze. He didn't hear anything else  but white noise ringing in his ears, as he realized who the initials belong to.

He knew only one person whose names starts with O. T.

He screamed again, as loud as he could, because this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair, that it was Oikawa's name on his hip. It wasn't fair it was Oikawa whom his soul was bonded with. It wasn't fair.

Kageyama cried out, as his suppressed dreams of holding soft hands, and gentle hugs and kises were being crushed. Because there was no way, Oikawa would ever give him something like that. Because Oikawa already decided he wasn't worthy of his attention.

Why was this happening to him? And in front of his team mates? In front of Miya Atsumu, and Inarizaki? In front of strangers, who were watching him squirm on the ground?

Why was he so unlucky?

The mark burned harder again, and the strings tugged again. And this time, he felt like they  snapped, as unbearable scorching pain surged through his body, and shook his form. He let his eyes roll at the back of his head, as the pain was too much, and he couldn't even process his surroundings anymore.

Did Oikawa feel this? Did he also went through the same thing, just now? Or is he sitting at home, watching the television, laughing at him?

He barely registered hands on his arms, as he fell backwards into oblivion. Oikawa's mocking fake smile was the last thing he saw, before the darkness wrapped around him.

~

Oikawa watched, holding his breath and his heart beating way too fast, as Kageyama jumped to serve. The skin on his hip was burning now, and he was sure he didn't imagine it. 

It seemed like the raven-haired boy wasn't even affected by the mark forming. He didn't know if he should feel  grateful for that, or if he should be offended. He actually felt a little scared, beacuse if Kageyama didn't feel the mark forming, did that mean the bond wasn't even there?

When Kageyama was ready to serve again, Oikawa felt strange discomfort in his chest it was like something heavy was laying there, preventing him from breathing.  He also felt something itch at his soulmark, where the scars were.

Like someone was straching at the barely visible letters on his hip.

And when Kageyama's hand faltered, and missed the ball, Oikawa felt something tug at his chest at the heavy thing in his chest. His breath hitched, and his heart hurt. He didn't understand what was going on, because he didn't feel like this, when his mark first formed.

Three years ago, the mark burned like hell, and the letters stabbed at the skin on his hip like claws. But it was manageable, not nearly as hard as this.

He tried to breathe, but it was like nothing was getting in, and Oikawa grabbed at his shirt. But it wasn't the shirt, choking him. No, something was pulling from the inside, tugging at his heart, pulling something out. 

He didn't want to understand what was happening, because he could still think, and he knew there were three stages of soulbonding.  One of the connections were soulmarks on their bodies, the other was the emotional.bond, that allowed them to feel each other's emotions. Second handedly of course. And the third was the actual core of the soul bond, the so called heart strings. The strings that connected the souls, the hearts of two people. 

And something was tugging at the strings in Oikawa's heart, pulling, like it was trying to... 

Like something was trying to tear the strings out, and rip them apart. 

Was Kageyama feeling all of this? Did he feel the same monster, clawimg ts way in their chest, and grabbing his heart? Did Kageyama also feel the same burn as him, did he also feel how the strings were pulled out. Could he feel his heart breaking apart, and the bond being broken? 

His vision was blurry, he didn't even know when he started crying but the hot tears were streaming down his cheeks.

He aimlessly swatted his hands around, trying to grab Iwaizumi's arm. But he was disoriented, he couldn't even breathe, his hip burned, like someone was carving something on his skin with fire. It felt like someone was cutting him open, reopening the old wounds, scratching at his scars. Like his scars were being reopened, and the letters were being cut out again.

He wavered, and he barely registered arms around his middle. Because the pain was too much. 

Kageyama's hopeful smile was the last thing, his brain supplied him with, before his eyes were rolled back, and his limbs went limp. 

I'm  sorry Tobio...

Chapter Text

It happened too fast.

Daichi barely had time to register what was going on, when Kageyama screamed, clutching his hip.He didn't understand at first, because the boy seemed fine just a moment before, but now he was laying on the floor, struggling to breathe.

Hinata was there, trying to calm Kageyama down, but the boy just screamed louder, pain loud and clear in his voice. One look at the clock, and he immediately understood what was happening.

Kageyama's soulmark was forming.

"Kageyama, hey! It's fine!" Daichi heard his soulmate, trying to calm the raven-haired boy down. But it was like the younger didn't even register his surroundings, like he couldn't hear anyone.

And it was painful, too painful to watch. Soulmates were supposed to be wonderful, beautiful precious things. But watching Kageyama squirm, eyes rolled back in his head and blood on his hands, was very unsettling for Daichi. He didn't understand why it was so bad for Kageyama, and he could see Sugawara was struggling too. He felt a weird pull in his chest, he could feel Sugawara's distress through the bond.

His mark itched, as he walked over to Sugawara, and pulled him in his arms. He knew the silver haired boy was just trying to help Kageyama, but it was unsettling for both of them, watching Kageyama's body tremble in pain. The fact that it was the soulmark, causing the boy so much pain was terrifying. Either their bond was already strong, or there was something else going on. 

Sugawara didn't put up a fight, he let Daichi embrace him and pull away. He distantly heard Ukai yell for ambulance but he was more focused on Sugawara's beating heart against his.

He was trying to calm down Sugawara as he reached out to him through their bond. And Sugawara met him halfway, as he snuggled closer and squeezed his eyes shut. Daichi closed his eyes, as Kageyama's piercing scream echoed through the gym once again.

"Daichi..." Sugawara said quietly. "You.. you know what that was, right?"

Daichi inhaled deeply. "Yeah. I...I do.."

He looked over his shoulder, at now unconscious Kageyama, as the medical staff were picking his body up.

"Their bond just broke."

~

Kuroo knew something was off with Kageyama. He overheard it was his supposed birthday today. The one where you get the soulmark. And Kageyama's shoulders were a little tense. Kuroo didn't see anything on the raven-haired boy's face, and he supposed the things weren't that bad.

He hoped Karasuno would win, againts Inarizaki. He wanted the Garbage Battle to occur again and he needed Karasuno to win for this. Things were looking okay, Karasuno even managed too snatch the first set. Everyone seemed at the top of their game, which was good.

Inarizaki seemed like a tough opponent. 

He didn't notice the time, how it was 12 already, when it was Kageyama's turn to serve. 

The first serve looked okay, he even managed to get in a no touch ace. One more, and Karasuno would win. But somethimg was off, Kageyama's form was too stiff, as he jumped to serve. And then his hand faltered, his knees buckled and he missed his serve. 

Kuroo knew better than to blame it on stamina, because he knew Kageyama has plenty. He knew this had something to do with the soulmark business, but he though it wouldn't be that bad.  But then Kageyama's scream reached his ears, and he felt Kenma tense beside him. 
The scream was horrible, and even Kuroo shifted in his seat.

The soulmarking wasn't supposed to be that bad. Even for him, who knew Kenma since they were kids.Sure, there was scorching pain, stabbing at his arm, where the mark was. 

He didn't need to scream. 

"Heh. Damn," he mumbled to himself, when he watched Kageyama actually fall to the ground. 

But it wasn't funny.

Because Kageyama's body was trembling, shiveeing in pain, and Kuroo caught a glimpse of red. 

What the fuck? 

"Kuro.." Kenma whispered beside him, as the blonde boy reached for Kuroo's hand. 
The raven-haired boy felt Kenma's uneasiness, and he pulled the other boy in his lap.

He had a heavy pulling thing in his own chest, and there was  a tingling feeling in his soulmark. 

Kenma looked at Kageyama's squirming body, he saw how Sugawara was trying to help, but Daichi pulled him away. He saw he wasn't the only one feeling this heavy thing. And then the boy screamed again, loud and pained, and Kenma flinched. Kuroo pushed Kenma's head in the crook of his neck, so the boy wouldn't have to see this. 

He watched, with horror in his eyes, as the medics dragged Kageyama's limp body away. 

He knew exactly what happened. He was, unfortunately, a witness to many rejections. But he never saw one so bad. 

The crowd was wild, people were screaming, and the judges proclaimed the match to be over. Kuroo stood up, with Kenma still in his arms, and motioned with his head to the rest of his team to leave. 

As he was leaving the gym, he looked back for the last time, to see a big patch of dark blood, where Kageyama layed, just moments before. He knew that wasn't just a rejection. 

The bond was fucking broken. 

~

Akaashi could feel the atmosphere was a bit different, when Kageyama was up to serve. But the serve was good, his form was amazing.The raven-haired boy even managed to get a no touch ace in. That was something he himself has yet to accomplish.

They were at match point, Karasuno had good chances to win the second set, and call it a day. But then Kageyama's hand faltered and the boy stumbled. 

Akaashi had a bad feeling, and he saw Bokuto's shoulder tense. The black haired boy felt a strange pull, and he noticed some people around him were also uneasy. And then Kageyama's scream pierced his ears, and he grabbed Bokuto's hand in instinct. He didn't know why at first, he just felt a sudden need to be near his soulmate. 

And Bokuto squeezed his hand in his, and Akaashi knew the ace felt the exact heavy thing. Everyone in the gym felt it and Akaashi flinched, when Kageyama screamed again.

He understood what was happening after a moment. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. However, he didn't understand why the boy was in so much pain.He himself didn't feel like that, when his mark was formed, bit thenn again, he didn't exactly know Bokuto back then.

His blue eyes widened in horror, as he saw the blood seeping through the setter's fingers. Another horrifying scream echoed through the gym, but he couldn't see anything else, because Bokuto turned, and dragged him out of the gym. 

Akaashi let himself be pulled away, and didn't dare to look back. 

~

Hinata couldn't do anything. He flinched when he heard Kageyama scream. He didn't understand at first, as he helplessly stood there, watching his best friend struggling to breathe. But then he moved, he was calling out to the boy, but it was like Kageyama couldn't even hear him. His face was scrunched up in pain, and Hinata wasn't even sure Kageyama was even breathing. 

"Hey! Kageyama! It's okay, breathe," he tried to calm the setter, as he reached forward to grasp him by his biceps but Kageyama flinched violently, and Hinata scrambled away. 

It was horrible, watching Kageyama's body squirm, flex and shiver. Hinata wanted it to stop, he tried to help, but he couldn't even get close to the setter. The screams were terrifying and horrible. Hinata didn't know Kageyama could scream like that. He tried to grab for his hands again, as he saw how the boy was clutching his hip, amd the red liquid seeping through the fingers. 

"Kageyama! Don't die!" he yelled and a lunched forward, but someone grabbed him by the hand, and all he could do was watch as the medics took his best friend away. 

He caught a glimpse of the bloody initials, and his fist balled in anger. 

Because he knew who initials belong to. 

Chapter Text

The medics whelled Kageyama away, and the judges were quick to stop the game. The crowd was wild, everoyne was screaming, and rushing to get out of the gym.

"Can someone go with Kageyama? I'll take care of things here," yelled coach Ukai over the noise.

And Daichi, as the team captain nodded in confirmation, and pulled Sugawara with him to follow their youngest teammate. He didn't exactly want to see Kageyama's limp body, but he won't leave him alone.

And everyone else on the team was still shaken from the occurrence, so it made sense he'd step in.

He grabbed the medic's hand when they pulled him up in the ambulance. The echoes of Kageyama's screams were still echoing in his head, and he looked away from his unconscious kouhai.

He felt bad, really bad for Kageyama. Because the boy was a good kid, sure he had some trust issues and his arrogant attitude occasionally caused some problems, but still.He was a good kid, with talent and passion, and he didn't understand why someone would cut him off, before even meeting him properly.

Sugawara squeezed his hand beside him, and Daichi let him lean his head on his shoulder. "He's going to be okay, right?"

Daichi opened his mouth to answer, when his phone ranged. He frowned, he barely registered grabbing his mobile on the way out of the gym.

He picked it up, and answered before looking at the contact. "Hello?"

"Where is Kageyama?" he recognized Iwaizumi's voice.

Daichi looked at Sugawara, with narrowed eyes, and asked suspiciously: "What? Why do you want to know that?"

Sugawara raised his head from Daichi's shoulder and looked at his soulmate in question.

Iwaizumi didn't falter, he answered in the same tone as before: "Just tell me. Which hospital?"

Daichi was quiet for a moment before answering. If he asked in what hospital the boy is, that meant he watched the broadcast of the game.Which meant Oikawa probably watched the game too.

And he knew there was some bad blood between the setters, and there's no way he'd allow his kuhai being the victim of his former upperclassman again. 

"So you watched the broadcast? And what are you going to do now, you're going to mock Kageyama with Oikawa for his weakness or something?" he answered, with low and dangerous voice.

Sugawara frowned at him, and leaned closer to try and hear Iwaizumi's answer.The other boy was quiet for a moment and Daichi heard some shiffling and car door slamming shut. 

Was the ace really planning to coming all the way here, just for Kageyama? Daichi didn't like where this was going, and judging by Sugawara's frown the other boy thought there was something fishy going on.

"Yes I saw the broadcast. But I'm not planing on pulling any jokes, Oikawa is also as good as dead right now, so if you don't mind, I'd like like to know where Kageyama is, so they don't die."

Sugawara inhaled sharply, and Daichi almost dropped his phone, as Iwaizumi's word reached his ears.

The sound of beeping machinery was way too loud as the heavy silence settled over the occupants in the ambulance. Daichi looked over to the raven haired boy, whose face was covered by oxgyen mask.

His orange jersey was dark red now, as it was still drenched in blood. He didn't see the initials, but he hoped they weren't what Iwaizumi was implying.

But there was no way Iwaizumi would lie about something like that.

"What did you just say?" he said quietly. He really didn't like how the conversation turned out.

"You heard me. Now, can you tell me where Kageyama is?" Iwaizumi grumbled in response.

And Daichi didn't want him near Kageyama. he didn't care if Oikawa was also in the same state as his kouhai, because it was his own fault. Sure, he heard Oikawa could be cruel, he heard his manipulative words aimed at him even.

But he didn't think the boy would step this low. He didn't think Oikawa's hatred was so deep withing the setter's bones, he was ready to cut Kageyama off, and kill himself in the process.

He was ready fo snap at Iwaizumi, but Sugawara, grabbed his arm. "Daichi, tell him the adress," whispered the silver haired boy.

Daichi covered his phone with his hand. "No. Suga, it's Oikawa's fault he's like this. You think he'll be better if he shows up?"

"I don't know, but Kageyama might die like this. And if he really is the soulmate, his presence might help." Sugawara looked at him with pained expression on his face.

Daichi suppressed the urge to sigh. He knew Sugawara was right. Soulmate bond was a sacred, special thing. And if anything might help Kageyama, it was his soulmate.

When the medics arrived, the first thing they asked for, was where was Kageyama's soulmate. Daichi helplessly shrugged his shoulders.

Since his injures were caused by a soulmate, the medics were almost useless without the person's presence. He didn't like this feeling of complete uselessness, unable to help his kouhai.

"I'll send you the address. But this conversation isn't over," Daichi mumbled in his phone, before ending the call.

He probably shouldn't get himself in this mess, but he won't be just a bystander. Because this stuff was important, and Kageyama was actually lying there, with oxygen mask on his face.

One of the medics turned to him, after he overhead the conversation. "Is his soulmate arriving?"

Daichi merely nodded in response.

"Good," mumbled the medic, and turned away, to whisper something to the other medical staff.

And Daichi probably shouldn't prompted, but he didn't like being useless and unaware of things. And Sugawara didn't look like he liked being in the dark either, so Daichi turned to the medics.

"Can you tell us what's wrong?"

The medics shared a look, before one of them turned to the captain. "Let me ask you this first, what do you think happened?"

Sugawara answered immediately: "The bond between them is too weak due to the distance, but since they already met the bond couldn't handle and it broke a little?"

There was hint of hope in Sugawara's voice. And Daichi was alos thinking in the same direction, maybe Kageyama wasn't rejected, maybe the distance was just too much.

However, the wince from the medics begged to differ. "Partly, you are correct. Yes, the distance played its part in all of this, but the thing is..."

The medic cut himself off, and exchanged glances with his coworkers. Silence was uncomfortable, and Daichi already knew this whole thing is about to be really, really bad. 

"The bond... didn't.. form correctly," said the medics, but the tension wasn't released. No, Dachi saw the heavy exhales of his coworkers, and he knew they weren't telling them anything.

"What do you mean by that?" prompted Sugawara, as he leaned over Daichi.

"I... Look we don't know for sure, these are just our speculations, since we didn't get the chance to test it, but..." the medic was looking really uncomfortable, and he couldn't even maintain the eye contact.

"I don't think the bond is even there, " said another medic, after a long moment of heavy, tense silence.

"What?!"

Chapter Text

To be completely honest, Iwaizumi knew something really bad is going to happen. He wanted to be extra careful, so he even dragged Oikawa all the way to Tokio yesterday.

But then he was completely pulled in the game, so he didn't process what time it was.

And damn, Karasuno evolved. Sure, it stang a little, because he also wanted a chance at the Nationals. But somehow, he was glad that Karasuno got to the Nationals. He got to see how Kageyama has evolved as a volleyball player.

Kageyama jumped up for the jump serve, scored a point with a no touch ace. The  serve reminded him of Oikawa's, it held the same power amd and it was equally as killer.

And maybe Iwaizumi should pay more attention, because Oikawa surely would have said something about Kageyama's serve. He turned, to his firend, only to find Oikawa struggling to breathe.

"Oi! Shittykawa! The fuck are you doing?" he reached over to grabb Oikawa's arm, but then Kageyama's scream echoed through the screen, and Iwaizumi flinched.

The hell?

And then he looked over, and he saw the numbers on the clock.

Shit.

It was twleve.

He couldn't see what was going on with Kageyama, because Karasuno team were scattered all over the gym, and peope were screaming.

He turned to Oikawa, who was choking on air, and clawing at his chest. "Hey! Stop that!" yelled Iwaizumi, but it was like Oikawa didn't even register his presence.

Oikawa was trembling and shivering, and Kageyama's scareams were heard again, and Iwaizumi winced. He shuffled over to Oikawa, to grab him for his hand, but Oikawa just gasped and toppled over.

Iwaizumi barely had time to catch Oikawa, before the boy fell of the couch. The whole thing he witnessed was fucking terrible, and he was still horrified, as Kageyama's screams ringed in his ears.

He knew Oikawa could be a fucking dumbass. He didn't understand why he didn't say anything, why he just left, to get a piece of himself cut off. He was always sure, that his best friend didn't really hate Kageyama.

He wondered, where he missed. He actually opted to whacking Oikawa upside the head, but the annoying boy was already out. Iwaizumi was helpless, completely useless, when he watched Oikawa choke and tremble.

"Fucking dumbass, you idiot," he mumbled,  as he half dragged Oikawa out of his living room.

He knew what needed to be done, if he wanted to save Kageyama and his best friend. He didn't know if there was a bond left, or if the connection broke completely, but he hoped the surgery didn't remove everything.

Beacuse he doesn't want Oikawa to die god damnit.

He reached in his hoodie pocket, and grabbed his phone. It was hard, with Oikawa's dead weight weighing his left side, but he managed to punch in Daichi's number.

"Hello?" the boy picked up after three rings.

Iwaizumi didn't beat around the bush. "Where's Kageyama?"

"What? Why do you want to know that?" asked Daichi, with defensive tone.

Wow, Iwaizumi didn't even do anything, why is he like this?

"Just tell me. What hospital?"

There was a beat of silence, before Daichi answered, voice low. "So you watched the broadcast? And what are you going to do now, you're going to mock Kageyama with Oikawa for his weakness or something?"

Iwaizumi didn't know if he should feel ofended. He never said a foul word against Kageyama. Hell, he wasn't the one who held a grudge against him. If anyone was to be scolded right now, was Oikawa, but the bastard was half dead.

Iwaizumi didn't answeri mmediately, as he opened his car doors, and almost threw Oikawa in the back seat, before he realised that wouldn't be very nice.

"Yes I did saw the broadcast. But I'm not planing on pulling any jokes, Oikawa is also as good as dead right now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to know where Kageyama is, so they don't die."

There was heavy silence, and Iwaizumi squeezed his eyes shut, as he realized what he just said. Oikawa didn't want anyone to know about the soulmate business, but he just went and told Daichi.

But then again, they have other things to worry about right now. He pressed his hand to Oikawa's neck to feel for the boy's pulse. It was weak but it was there.

"What did you just say?" Daichi whispered, and Iwaizumi shivered.

Shit, he really didn't think this through. "You heard me. Now, can you tell me where Kageyama is?"

Iwaizumi heard whispers in the background, a he got into a driver's seat. Daichi was probably talking to Sugawara. Iwaizumi probably fucked up, but he wasn't the one to blame.

No, the idiot to blame for this mess was laying unconscious on the back seat.

"I'll send you the address. And this conversation isn't over," said Daichi, with strained voice.

Iwaizumi grunted in response, when Daichi ended the call. The hospital was fucking 10 minutes away, bit whatever. He can get the dumbass ther ein five.

"God damn it Shittykawa," he mumbled as he turned on the navigation and drove out of the driveway.

Oikawa was completely out, and judging by the sirens, Kageyama was taken to the hospital with an ambulance. And he heard the screams and saw the blood. He hoped they had enought time.He didn't know shit about rejections, and broken bonds. He hoped he won't ever have to witness a thing like that.

Especially not form his best friend.

He angrily slapped the steering wheel. He should have known. It was so fucking obvious something wasn't right, because when they were little, Oikawa used to be so excited about all the soulmates and soulmark business.

"Ah! I can't wait to get mine Iwa-chan! I'm sure it's going to be the prettiest!" Oikawa said one day, when they were swinging on the swings.

Iwaizumi didn't particularly care about that before. He was a kid for god's sake. "Yeah, I hope mine will be pretty too."

Oikawa then smiled at him. "Wouldn't it be cool, if we were matched?"

Iwaizumi didn't think much of it back then. He merely shrugged at his best friend. The thought of being matched to Oikawa wasn't even that bad. They were best friends after all, so, why not?

"Yeah. That'd be cool."

But then, Iwaizumi's birthday came, and the soulmark didn't match his best friend. But it was fine, they both knew their dreams were childish, they knew the universe won't play by their cards.

And he should have known, he should know something was up.

Because Oikawa wasn't as cheery as he used to be, when his birthday came, his fake smiles were even faker. But god damn, Kageyama didn't deserve this shit either.

Why was Oikawa so stubborn?

But it didn't matter now. What was done was done, and he only hoped Oikawa meant it, when he said he wanted to fix it. He hoped it was fixable.

He gritted his teeth, and stepped on gas. They didn't have time for slow driving. Iwaizumi could risk a speed ticket, as long as he got Oikawa to Kageyama before one of them stopped breathing for real this time.

He hoped they won't be too late.

For his best friend's sake.

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi dragged Oikawa out of his car, to the sliding doors of the hospital. He managed to get to the hospital in four minutes, he almost caused three crahses, and he'll probably get a speeding ticket. 

But whatever, all that mattered was that he managed to drag Oikawa to the hospital. The setter was still completely out of it, his body was limp, and Iwaizumi felt like he was dragging a puppet around. 

His breathing was quick and shallow. The boy whimpered from time to time, an dmumbled some nonsense, but other than that, he didn't really looked alive.

And Iwaizumi was scared, he was so fucking frightened. Because he didn't like the silence he didn't like how Oikawa was just a dead weight.

God damnit. 

He limped to the reception desk, and almost threw Oikawa over his shoulder. The lady looked up at him, with wide eyes, already opening her mouth, but Iwaizumi beat her to it.

"Hi, where is Kageyama Tobio? This is his soulmate?" he asked, and the woman fuerrowed her eyebrows.

She looked confused for a moment, amd Iwaizumi was already prepared for the worst, but before the woman could say anything, the sirens were heard from the outside. 

Iwaizumi turned around, to see three medics rushing in through the glass door. He could see Kageyama's body on the strecher and one of the medics was implementing CPR.

Kageyama's face was covered with oxygen mask, and there was blood on his jersey. There was so much blood, the orange jersey was brown from all the red, and Iwaizumi saw Daichi's hands were also drenched in blood.

He could only stare at the blood dripping on the white hospital floor in horror. To think this happened, because Oikawa wasn't thinking rationally? 

To think Oikawa caused all of this? If the boy wouldn't be in a life threatening situation, he would beat his ass for this. 

Because Kageyama looked pretty much dead, and it was all Oikawa's fault, because he was too petty. Because his pride got in the way? 

Holly shit. 

"Kageyama Tobio, 16, volleyball player, 12 am, soulmate bond not formed correctly, blood type A+, we lost him twice in the last five minutes," yelled one of the medics to the doctors, who came rushing in reception.

"Can someone call his soulmate!" yelled one of the doctors, and that snapped Iwaizumi out of his daze.

He opened his mouth to say something, when the nurse behind the reception desk yelled over the noise: "He's already here!"

She pointed in Iwaizumi's direction, and one of the doctors hurriedly stepped to the boy. He looked at Oikawa, and quickliy checked his form. 

He pressed two fingers to Oikawa's throat as he asked Iwaizumi: "Name and age?"

Iwaizumi blinked, he could stil see Kageyama's bloody body in front of him, and the man had to snao his fingers in front of his eyes, so Iwaizumi focused back on him.

"Oikawa Torru, 19."

Doctor simply nodded, and motioned for the nurses to take the boy from Iwaizumi's arms. The nurses, carefully layed Oikawa on one of the stretchers, and hurriedly carried him away.

"You can wait in the waiting room," said the doctor and quickly walked away. Iwaizumi barely comprehended the words, because all he could do was stare after the nurses who took Kageyama and Oikawa away.

Both barely alive, one breathing, and the other not breathing at all. Both unconscious, both just two dead weights on stretches. 

Fuck. 

"Iwaizumi," the boy turned around, as he heard Daichi call his name.

Iwaizumi didn't let the horror show on his face, as he saw the blood on Daichi's hands. It was Kageyama's blood.The boy was still wearing his orange jersey, and there were also drops of blood on his shorts. 

Daichi's face didn't show any emotion, as he said: "Let's have a talk, shall we?"

The boy motioned for Iwaizumi to follow, as he and Sugawara walked in the direction of the waiting rooms. And Iwaizumi didn't want to talk, it wasn't his fault god damn it. 

He didn't like the threatening look in Sugawara's brown eyes. It wasn't him who should be scolded for this, Oikawa should get yelled at.

Not him. 

But he didn't really have a choice did he? 

"I am so going to punch the fucking bastard," mumbled Iwaizumi as he followed the Karasuno captains. 

No one said anything, even when they were already sitting in those uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs in the waiting room. The silence was way too uncomfortable for Iwaizumi. 

"Okay. Can you two just ask what you want to know?" Iwaizumi broke the silence. 

Daichi didn't look at him, as he was still wiping his bloody hands. "Sure. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?" 

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. 

"Oikawa went to the bond removal surgery. Correct?" asked Daichi, still not looking at him. 

Iwaizumi didn't really know why he is sitting here, having this conversation. Because he wasn't involved in the whole thing at all. 

"Yes he did. Three years ago, I think it was September or something I don't really know." 

Sugawara leaned forward, to look at Iwaizumi over Daichi's hands."What do you mean you don't really know?'" 

Iwaizumi didn't sigh at that. "Exactly that. I don't know the details, because I didn't even knew he pulled this shit till yesterday."

Daichi looked at him after he said that. His face didn't betray any emotions he was having, and Iwaizumi leaned back a little. 

He heard some stories about Sawamura Daichi and his angry moments. He doesn't want to see if they're true. 

"He didn't tell you?" 

"No, he didn't. If he did, we wouldn't be sitting here, because I would have knocked some sense in that stupid head of his," grumbled Iwaizumi. 

Why didn't Oikawa trusted him with this? The boy still refused to talk about it. It probably wasn't even that big of a deal. 

Daichi and Sugawara shared a look Iwaizumi didn't bother to understand. 

"That.. surely complicates things huh?" mumbled Daichi to his soulmate. 

Sugawara shrugged. "I mean, the whole thing is messed up, but at least we know he wasn't exactly reasonable with his decision. Since Iwaizumi didn't know."

Huh. 

So they thought he knew about this? He decided he won't be bitter about whatever that might mean. 

"Do you know why?" asked Daichi. 

Iwaizumi didn't. So he helplessly shrugged his shoulders. He had an idea, but he won't be making excuses for Oikawa. He would have to speak for himself. 

"Huh. I guess we'll just have to wait to see after they'd be out of the woods," concluded Daichi after a moment. 

Iwaizumi didn't answer, he just leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "I just hope it isn't too late."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Sugawara.

Iwaizumi didn't look up, he stared at the hospital floor beneath his feet. "I don't think he actually removed the bond. I think there's still something left. Oikawa wouldn't react so badly, if there wasn't anything present, would he?"

Karasuno captains didn't say anything for a long moment, so he turned his head to look at them. And Iwaizumi didn't say anything wrong, so why were they looking at him like he grew another head?

"What?" 

"You.. do you really believe that?" Sugawara asked carefully. 

Iwaizumi didn't quite understand why Sugawara was asking him this. He frowned at the duo beside him. 

"Uh.. I don't know much, but I'm pretty sure Oikawa wouldn't feel anything, if the bond was removed."

Karasuno captains shared another look. This time, it was mixed with worry and relief. What was that about? 

"Why?" he prompted after a moment. He also wanted to know damnit.

Daichi turned back to him, and looked at him for a moment, not saying anything. "You see.. me and Suga.. we came here with ambulance, with Kageyama."

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. He didn't like where this was going. 

"And... the medics.. they said.." Sugawara twirled a silver strand of his hair with his finger. 

Iwaizumi frowned, because he never saw Karasuno setter do that before. Was it really that bad? 

"They said the bond was barely formed. And that it might just break one day, even if they didn't meant for it to, since a part of it was broken, as soon as it was written," explained Daichi, with a hard edge to his voice. 

Iwaizumi really didn't like the direction this conversation was heading. This was never supposed to happen.

But Daichi still looked like there was something else. And Iwaizumi had a hunch what the other boy had yet to say. 

"That means there's a 90% chance one of them won't wake up tomorrow," said Daichi as he looked at Iwaizumi with a hard look in his brown eyes. 

"Or maybe, neither of them will..." quietly mumbled Sugawara. 

Iwaizumi could just stare. Because all of it seemed like a small mistake, nothing lethal. He knew Oikawa could be the dumbest of them all sometimes, rushing things, overworking himself. 

And this was far the worst thing he had done. But apart from that, Iwaizumi felt guilt, heavy on his shoulders. Because he was supposed to be there for his best friend, Oikawa should be able to talk to him about this. 

But the idiot didn't say anything. For three years. 

And now, here they are, sitting in a hospital with crossed fingers, hoping for the other 10% to overpower. 

Chapter Text

Oikawa blinked his eyes open.

He looked around, confused and rubbed his eyes to rub his sleepiness away. He recognized his own room, that was his bed with blue sheets, and those were his book, lying on the desk. 

But how did he get here?

Just a moment before, he was sitting in the hotel room, with Iwaizumi, watching the Nationals. Watching Tobio-chan.

Shit. 

Tobio. 

He should be with Tobio right now! 

Pain flashed through his hip, as he remembered what happened. He remembered the way how he struggled to breathe, he remembered the claws stratching, tearing at the soulmarks on his hip. 

He should be with Tobio-chan, not here, doing nothing in his own room. 

And how did Iwaizumi allow this anyway? 

He asked him for his help, to help him fix this. But Iwaizumi just sent him home? How will that fix anything? Considering the blurred memories of Tobio's screams, this distance between them will only worsen the situation. 

Unless there was nothing to fix, and... 

Oikawa violently shook his head. No, he will not think like this. Surely, this is just Iwaizumi's precaution, and he decided to take him, because he'd recover quickly, if he was at home. 

Surely, Tobio is also back in Miyagi, right? 

Oikawa tried to push himself of the bed, to leave his room. He was going to go visit Tobio, he was going to apologise. Or maybe he won't tell him at all, maybe Tobio doesn't even know what happened. 

Maybe Tobio doesn't know what Oikawa did. Maybe he won't even ask. And maybe he doesn't even need to know, because all Oikawa has to do now, is go there, and try to reconnect their bond. 

Surely, the bond was there, if he felt it? He felt the pull of the bond, he felt it tug at his heartstrings. 

Surely, there was something there. 

Right?

He tried to push himself of the bed, but his hands didn't move. He looked down, to see them clutching at his hip, right there, where his soulmark was. He tried to pull his hands away, he tried to force them away from his shirt, but it was like he had no control over his hands.

"What..." he tried to voice out, but even his jaw stayed cenched.

Oikawa was slightly panicking now, because he was frozen there sitting on his bed, unable to move. It felt like he was paralyzed on the spot. 

He tried to call for his best friend, surely  he was there somewhere. Iwaizumi wouldn't just leave him alone, after... that. But he couldn't move his mouth, and his limbs were frozen. But then, his legs started moving, he rose from his bed, and he wanted to dash downstairs, to go look for Iwaizumi.

To go look for Tobio. 

But his own body didn't listen to him, his legs carried him to the bathroom. Oikawa's breathing was ragged and shallow, he couldn't breathe properly through gritted teeth, but he couldn't unclench his jaw either.

Was his own body trying to kill him?

But then, he saw his face in the bathroom mirror, he saw the angry expression on his face didn't match the feelings he felt. He wasn't angry at anything, he was fucking terrified. 

But he was scowling at himself, angrily staring at his reflection. And only then, did he notice, the baby blue bracelet on his left wrist, as his eyes flickered to the hands, still clutching his right hip. 

And he immediately remembered what was happening. It was the day, september 24. The day when he decided to go to the surgery, to remove the mark.

Oikawa didn't understand what was happening. Surely, this was just his own mind, pointing out his mistakes. And god damnit, he knew he shouldn't have done it.

He realized that now.

But it didn't matter, and now his hands were moving, lifting up the shirt, and revealing the bandage on his hip. Oikawa's breath hitched at the sight of familiar bandage. And oh boy, did he feel like crying.

But then, his reflection changed, the boy in the mirror leaned closer, and stared at his eyes with a menacing glare. Oikawa didn't know his face could make such an ugly expression.

"What, you're gonna cry? Now? Three years after you pulled this shit?" his reflection laughed, bitterly and ugly, terrible sound. "Hate to break it to you, but it's too late." The boy in the mirror raised his hand, and pointed at him. He would flinch, but he was still frozen.

"And you have no one else to blame, but your arrogant egoistic ass."

And then his reflection laughed the horrible laugh again, and Oikawa flinched. Surely, he was dreaming. This wasn't really happening. It was just a dream right. 

A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, and he should be able to wake up now. 

But his reflection surged forward, it broke through the glass of the mirror, and pulled him for shirt. And his face changed, it was Iwaizumi's face now, staring down at him with angry disappointed frown. 

"What the fuck did you do Shittykawa? Huh? You know that's going to kill him right?" Iwaizumi shook him voilently, and Oikawa couldn't even fight it. 

"You hate him so bad huh? You want him dead don't you?" 

"No! No Iwa-chan, that's not it! Wait!" he tried to scream at his best friend, but his voice didn't made it past his lips, and Iwaizumi just looked at him, with dead void dark eyes. 

"It's your fault Shittykawa," Iwaizumi whispered the words with venom in brunette's ear. "It's your fault, and he hates you for it."

Oikawa could definitely cry now, because he never heard Iwaizumi speak thim with such menace, venom practically dripping from his voice. 

"Wait, no, Iwa-chan I'm sorry!" he screamed, but his lips were pressed shut, and Iwaizumi didn't spare him any glance, when he unclenched his fists, and let the brunette to fall on the ground. 

Oikawa whimpered in pain, as he looked up, but Iwaizumi wasn't there anymore. In fact, nothing was there anmyore. He was alone, with nothing but darkness surrounding him. He tried to move his hands, and he sighed in relief, when, he realized he can move again.

But that didn't really made him feel any better, because he was still stuck in a nightmare he can't escape. 

He hissed in pain, when something scratched his hip. He looked down, and saw his blue shirt was drenched in blood, and he panicked. 

"Oh my god, no no no..." he chanted to no one, and his words echoed back from the darkness. 

He felt that pull again, the pull on his soulbond, and something was pulling it out of him. The pain in his hip was increasing, and he raised his shirt with shaky hands. And he screamed, loud and pained, as he saw the torned skin, where his mark used to be. There wasn't even a trace of K. T. that used to be carved there. 

No, there was just blood, pooling out of the carvings, like someone cut it out. 

"No no no no!" he whispered, with pained voice, as he tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. 

Why couldn't he just wake up? Why was this happening? Did Tobio feel this? Could he see, what was happening? Or was this just projection of his own guilt, that was slowly eating him alive, for these past three years? 

Then, a flash of light blinded Oikawa for a moment, and he raised his bloody hands, to block the scorching stream. 

Was it over? Was he waking up? 

He glanced to his right, where the source of the light was. And he saw a boy, turned away from him. A boy, with familiar black hair. 

"Tobio?" he whispered silently, and his hip throbbed in pain, as the name left his mouth. 

And the boy turned around and oh, god it really was Tobio. Oikawa stood up, he pushed himself up on his legs, and he ran to the raven-haired boy.

"Tobio-chan!"

And Tobio just stood there, looking at him approaching with a blank look on his face. And Oikawa ran faster,  he didn't know what the fuck was happening, or why Tobio was so far away.

But he was right there. 

Tobio was right there, looking at him with his adorable blue eyes, and maybe it was a sign Maybe it was a sign, that everything will be okay. 

"Tobio-chan!" he called the boy, and he was right in front of him now, he raised his hand, to touch the raven-haired boy, but his hand was stopped mid air. 

His hand came in contact with something invisible, and another wave of fear flowed through the brunette. Because his hip was bleeding, his heart was aching, and Tobio was right there. 

Tobio was standing there, looking up at him, with lost expression on his face. The raven-haired boy opened his mouth, and Oikawa's eyes widened in dread, as he heard the quiet word. 

"Why?" 

Oikawa just stared back, with his bloody hand on the invisible wall, separating him from the younger boy. He knew what Tobio was asking, but it wasn't real. It wasn't real he was dreaming, this wasn't happening. 

He just has to wake up, and everything will be fine. 

Pain flashed across Tobio's face, as he raised his bloody hand. He put his hand on the other side of the invisible wall, righ there, where Oikawa was holding his. Their hands would be touching, if the invisible force wasn't there. 

Tobio looked up at Oikawa, with big teary blue eyes. Oikawa couldn't do anything else, but simply stare back, horrified. He was pressing his hand againts the force separating them, like if he pressed hard enough, the wall would be gone. 

Tobio then opened his mouth and asked quietly: "Oikawa-san, why?" 

And Oikawa didn't say anything, he stared back in horror, when blood trickled out of the corner of Tobio's mouth. 

"What the-"

"Oikawa-san, you..." Tobio gargled, as more blood dripped down his chin. "You really... despise me.. that... much?" 

"No! Tobio! Stop!" yelled Oikawa, as he punched helplessy at the wall between them. But it did nothing, he pounded on the wall, but the thing didn't move. 

The wall was still there, a painful border between them. Oikawa didn't acknowledge the throbbing pain in his hip, all he was focused on was Tobio's pained expression on his face, and blood painting his face red. 

"I don't hate you, Oikawa-san," slurred Tobio through the blood filling his mouth. "I didn't even do anything, so why?" 

He coughed, and the blood sprayed on the wall in front of Oikawa's face. Oikawa pushed against the force again, he punched it with all his might, but it didn't work. 

And Tobio kept talking, he kept on chanting quietly "Why?" and it was too much. Because Oikawa didn't had a reason why, and this was not supposed to be happening.

"Shut up, shut up SHUT UP!" yelled the brunette with each bang on his fist against the wall. His fist was bloody, but the blood was  probably from the wound on his hip. 

He just wanted to wake up, he wanted to wake up, and look for his real kouhai, his real soulmate.

Why was he stuck in this nightmare?

Why can't he wake up? 

His fist hit something real then. Something alive and warm, and he looked up. Tobio was holding his fist in his bloody hand, looking down at him with sad eyes. 

"Tobio-chan?" 

And Tobio didn't say anything, he just fell forward, and Oikawa caught him in his arms. Tobio raised his shaky hand, and pulled the brunette down to his face. He nestled his head in the crook of Oikawa's neck and whispered quietly. 

"This is your fault, Oikawa-san."

And Oikawa froze, he couldn't move, when Tobio reached forward, to his chest, and tugged at his heart strings. 

"No! Wait, no Tobio!" he screamed, and tried to pry Tobio's hands away from his heart strings. 

But Tobio didn't hear his screams, he simply tugged and pulled and Oikawa screamed. He screamed when he felt the bond between them breaking, and this was not what he wanted. He tried to fix it, that's why he came here, all the way to Tokio, but was it too late? 

"Isn't this what you wanted, Oikawa-san?" whispered Tobio, quietly, and painfully. 

And Oikawa couldn't even say anything he just screamed. 

"TOBIO! NO!" 

It wasn't real, he has to wake up. But he kept fallling, he kep on screaming, because it hurt too much, and why isn't he waking up? 

"STOP!" 

And then Oikawa violently surged forward, as he sat up in his hospital bed. Sweat was dripping down his face, and his hip was aching so bad. He looked down at his shaky hands, and sighed in relief, as he saw they weren't red.

There was no blood staining his palms, and he was okay. 

He hurriedly kicked the covers away, and lifted the blue hospital shirt, to check his hip. And thank god, he could still see K. T. 

He breathed in relief, and slowly layed back on the bed. It was okay, he was okay. It was just a dream. Just a nightmare, nothing more. 

And they would be fine. 

He turned around, to see Tobio laying on the bed beside him, unmoving. His face wasn't scrunched in pain, which was a good thing. He noticed the bandage on his right hip, and painful flashbacks of his own bandage wrapped around his middle flashed through his head. 

He blinked the thoughts away, and instead focused on Tobio's pale hands. Clean pale hands. He leaned over to the other boy, and took one of his smaller hands in his. 

The image of Tobio's bloody hands was still fresh in his head. He  squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and shook his head, as if that would help him get right of the horrific picture. The brunette then opened his eyes, and leaned even closer to the raven haired boy. He strecthed his other unoccupied hand, and gently brushed the sweaty strand of dark hair of Tobio's forehead.

"Oh my god Tobio..." he whispered silently, as he brushed his fingers through black strands of hair. "I am so sorry..."

He knew that wasn't nearly enough for the things he did, but it was a start. Even though Tobio couldn't actually hear him.

But he said it, and he meant it.

Tobio's limp hand in his then twitched, and Oikawa carefully leaned over the younger boy. His face still didn't show any signs of pain, as he still slept peacfully. 

"Oh? You're awake?" 

Chapter Text

Oikawa startled and looked up to the voice. There was a nurse, standing at the foot of Kageyama's hospital bed.

When did she come in?

"Uh.. yeah.. I woke up a few minutes ago actually.." he mumbled. He was still holding Kageyama's slightly trembling hand in his.

Was he cold?

"Good good. I was actually worried there for a moment. Thought you wouldn't woke up," she said, with a forced smile on her lips, as she walked around the bed, over to Oikawa's side.

Her words weren't as reassuring, neither was her smile. She was worried they won't wake up? That's definitely not good.

"Is it... that bad?" Oikawa asked, but didn't look up. He was still looking at Kageyama's sleeping face.

Maybe the situation was worse than he thought it was.. 

"Sort of. How are you feeling?" asked the nurse, and her voice was uncomfortably close.

Oikawa turned around, to see the woman practically leaning over him. He leaned back on the bed, and barely suppressed his urge to huff.

She was a medical staff for god's sake, she should know to not lean in his personal space god damnit.

"I am fine thank you very much," he lied through his teeth. Not the brightest idea he had. And he definitely wasn't fine.

He had a throbbing headache, heartache, and his hip burned really bad again. And Kageyama was squeezing his hand in his so hard, it more felt like he was trying to break all the bones in his hand. 

"Hmm..." the nurse hummed, seeing right through his facade, as she leaned closer, and pressed her palm against his forehead.

Oikawa leaned back into the pillows, but it didn't do much. The woman's cold hand was still on his forehead.

"So you don't have a fever, that's good," she said, as she finally pulled away. "But answer me honestly this time, Oikawa-kun."

Oikawa looked at her with a blank expression on his sweaty face. He could use the shower, but he didn't want to leave Kageyama alone. 

Not when he doesn't know if their bond is okay. 

The nurse maintained the eye contact  before she turned around, and walked to Kageyama's side. "How are you really feeling?"

It was clear she wasn't asking about his physical condition because she knew he had a headache. If the pills she  not so subtly, placed on the night stand beside his bed were anything to go with.

No, she was asking about the bond. 

"I... I don't know..." he said quietly.

All he felt in his hip was the throbbing pain, and nothing else. That definitely wasn't good. Because he shoudld be able to feel something else something sweet and warm  but all he had was pain.

No comfort of their bond was he able to grasp, and that was worrying.

"You tried to break the bond, didn't you?" the nurse whispered quietly, as she leaned over Kageyama, to check the boy's temperature.

Kageyama didn't budge, he was still sleeping, not registering the woman's hand touching his forehead. 

"I did," honestly answered Oikawa.

No point in lying anyway. She already knows.

"And I'm guessing you did the surgery right after you got it? Three, two months after your birthday?" she wshipered again, as she wiped the sweat of Kageyama's face.

The raven-haired boy's face wasn't that peacful anymore. There was a slight crease on his forehead, and his lips were pulled in a frowning pout.

The hand in Oikawa's was holding on with a crushing force. 

"That's right..." Oikawa said, shame dripping from his words. He turned away from the woman, when she looked up.

Because he already saw enough of pitying smiles. It wasn't actually pity it was something else. The people weren't pitying him, they felt bad for his soulmate.

His rejected soulmate who didn't even know what he had done. 

"Okay. So, since the removal was done so early, the bond is definitely weak and damaged. One level is definitely broken, and the second stage is on the verge of breaking. But since you already wanted to get rid of it, we can just perform another surgery and.."

"NO!"

The nurse flinched at his loud voice, and Oikawa looked at Kageyama in slight panic. He didn't want the boy to wake up right now, because he doesn't want him to know about this. 

From what he understood from the nurse's words, the bond is still there. Sure, it's weak, but he can fix that.

Right?

"I mean, no. I don't want the surgery. I don't want to get rid of him," he said quietly. He figured he sounded absolutely ridiculous, because here he was, laying in the hospital, because of his actions three years ago. 

But still, at least he felt remorse. That was something. 

The nurse didn't say anything for a moment, and the silence was a bit unsettling. The brunette turned to look at the woman, who was already looking back at him. Her face wasn't as happy as before. 

"Are you sure?" she said, her voice barely above the whisper. 

Oikawa stared back at the woman, as he noded. He wouldn't come all the way here, if he wanted to break the bond. He'd let Tobio do what he wants, since he already did his part. 

Kageyama's breathing was a little too fast, and his face was scrunched like the boy was in pain. But he still wouldn't wake up. 

The nurse then sighed out of relief, and Oikawa narrowed his eyes. Did he really looked like someone who would break the bond when his soulmate is practically in a coma? 

Ouch. 

"Good. I am very glad to hear that, because I don't think you two would have survived the another surgery," said the woman. 

Oikawa subconsciously tightened his hold on Kageyama's hand. He almost killed him. He almost killed Kageyama because he was a selfish idiot. 

Would Kageyama even forgive him? 

"So it's that bad, huh?" 

"Not really. One level of the bond, the very basic one, is still there. We did some tests, and we..."

She couldn't continue, because Kageyama chose that moment to scream himself awake. 

"OIKAWA-SAN! NO!" 

Oikawa flinched at the volume of Kageyama's voice. The boy's eyes were still closed, his face scrunched in pain. He was still tightly grasping Oikawa's hand in his with a crushing force. 

Oikawa was already leaning over Kageyama, trying to pry his hand out of Kageyama's hold. But his hand was trapped in Kageyama's, so he strecthed his other hand and grabbed Kageyama's shoulder. 

"Hey! Tobio! Tobio wake up!" he yelled, trying to be louder than Tobio's screams. The nurse also moved in motion, and helped him by holding Kageyama's trashing hands around, in attempt to calm the boy down. 

But Kageyama didn't look like he was even registering anything. His eyes were still screwed shut, and his body was twitching like crazy. He still wouldn't let go of Oikawa's hand, and he was throwing his head around, like he was avoiding Oikawa's hand. 

But the screams were the worst. 

"NO! OIKAWA-SAN! STOP! PLEASE DON'T!" 

Oikawa's blood ran cold as he heard those words outvof Kageyama's mouth. He immediately understood what was going on. 

Kageyama was having a nightmare. 

He knew exactly whatche was dreaming about, and judging by the look on the nurse's face she also knew what was going on. 

Oikawa grabbed Kageyama's face with his left hand, and practically screamed in his ear: "Tobio! I am right here! Wake up!" 

But it didn't work, Kageyama just screamed louder, and Oikawa felt really uncomfortable. This was even worse than his own nightmare, because Kageyama wasn't there, when he woke up from it. 

"TOBIO! I AM RIGHT HERE!" he yelled louder, directly in Tobio's ear, as he leaned closer. 

He felt kind of bad for the nrse beside him, who had to listen through alk the hysteric yelling. But he didn't care about that at the moment, he has to wake up Kageyama from his nightmare. 

"OIKAWA-SAN!" 

"TOBIO! WAKE UP!" 

The brunette squeezed Kageyama's hand in his, as Kageyama finally opened his eyes. His breathing was fast and shallow, and he looked around in panic, just like Oikawa did, when he woke up from his nightmare. 

"Tobio-chan! Hey, look at me!" said Oikawa, and turned Kageyama's face in his direction. 

Kageyama blinked up at him, with foggy, distant look in his blue eyes. Oikawa knew he was still shaken from the nightmare, and didn't really register what ws happening. 

"Oi.. Oikawa-san?" Kageyama whispered quietly, with a low, broken voice. 

And Oikawa acted on instinct, he simply leaned forward, and pulled Kageyama in a hug. He wrapped his left arm around the smaller boy's shoulder, as his right one was still trapped in Tobio's hand. 

"I'm right here, Tobio-chan," he said quietly, whispered in Kageyama's ear. 

Kageyama let go of his hand, only to wrap it around Oikawa's middle, as he pressed himself closer. And Oikawa closed his eyes, and wrapped his other arm around the boy, and hugged him tight. 

He wasn't an idiot, he knew Kageyama wasn't fully awake yet. Because he knew his kouhai, he knows his grumpy Tobio-chan. 

Grumpy Tobio-chan with an always present frown on his face, and stoic expression. He knew Kageyama wouldn't let himself be hugged like that, especially not by himself. 

"We're going to be okay," he added after a moment. He didn't know why he said that, but he needed Kageyama to know the he's not leaving. 

And if he let his hand to brush through Kageyama's black hair, as he savoured the moment, no one but him needed to know. 

Chapter Text

The nurse left the room after Kageyama woke up, and took some pain medication. His skin was torn after all, and the part of the pain was definitely physical source.

But the bigger, actual cause of the burning pain in hip was sitting on the bed right beside him.

After he woke up from a really terrible nightmare he doesn't even remember, Kageyama found himself enveloped in the arms of Oikawa. To say he didn't expect it, was un understatement. He doesn't know where the memory came from, but he remembers Oikawa's evil ugly mocking laugh, and bloody hands.

Oikawa's hands, dripping with thick red blood that wasn't his own. He remembers Oikawa reaching to his hip, and clawing his own initials out of the skin on his hip.

He remembers his own begging, begging Oikawa to stop. But the brunette didn't listen he kept pulling and laughing. And his heartstrings snapped, just like that time, when he got the mark. It felt so real, the pain was the same, he still felt the stabbing throb in his hip. Oikawa's hands felt real, and the blood felt real.

"...obio...Tobio!"

He violently flinched, when Oikawa reached over to touch his arm. He swatted the hand away, and pretended he didn't notice how Oikawa deflated at the action.

Sure, he let himself be hugged before, but this was Oikawa Toruu, sitting way too close to him. Oikawa Toruu, who mocked him through his middle school.

Oikawa who pushed him away.

He still clearly remembers all the sneers and fake smiles thrown his way. Surely, that won't change, just because they were bonded now. 

"We should talk about this. Don't you think?" Oikawa said quietly after a moment of tense silence.

The brunette was sitting on his own bed now, but they were still sitting beside each other, almost touching. It felt nice, being close to Oikawa.

Not that he'd admit that to the boy. 

"Yeah I think we should. Why did you lie?" answered Kageyama. He didn't look at the other boy as he spoke but chose that moment to trace the IV in his arm.

Was it really that bad? The fact that he had to go to the hospital is speaking for itself. 

"I didn't lie," answered Oikawa with a slightly strained voice.

Kageyama huffed, but still didn't look up. "Of course you didn't. You knew about this for the last three years, didn't you?"

"I did."

"And you didn't tell me."

He wondered about the motive behind it. Was Oikawa ashamed to be bonded with him? Did Iwaizumi know about this? Or did Oikawa keep it a secret from everyone, so he could get rid of him without anoyne knowing?

A stab of pain surged through his hip at the thought of that. Wast that why there were here? To get rid of him?

"No, I didn't tell you, but I have my reasons," said Oikawa, tension loud in his voice. "But I didn't lie to you. I just didn't tell you. That's diferent."

Kageyama looked up at the other boy, who wasn't looking at him. "But why didn't you?"

It wasn't even that complicated. Sure, it might sound a little strange, the two of them, to be bonded. Like the universe pulled a practical joke, by bonding him to the person, who despised him the most.

Why was he so unfortunate? Why couldn't he get a bond like Daichi and Sugawara? Why is he bonded to Oikawa, who doesn't want anything to do with him?

Why does he have to suffer? 

Kageyama doesn't believe in any higher force, but if this was his punishment for his actions in middle school? It wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair, because what he did, wasn't as bad as this. Sure, he was a jerk, and too tough on his teammates. But that was because he wanted to push them to be better. 

He had good intentions. 

Can Oikawa say the same? 

The brunette turned around and looked at him with a frown on his face. Familiar crease of eyebrows and pout on his lips. His brown eyes didn't match the expression tho. 

"Why? Are you seriously asking me why? Why I didn't tell you we wer-are soulmates?" incredulously asked Oikawa. 

Kageyama pretended he didn't notice the slip up. He might not be the brightest but that was a clear sign that Oikawa was hiding something.His hip was aching again, and he absent mindedly rubbed his hand over the bandage on his hip. 

He didn't need to answer, because Oikawa was already talking, "Would you even believe me? Be honest Tobio-chan, if I were to come to you three years ago, saying we are to be bonded, would you really believe me?" 

Oikawa stared at Kageyama with wide brown eyes, and the raven-haired boy stared back. There was something in brown orbs, that Kageyama couldn't quite get. While his words were rushed, and a little harsh, Oikawa's eyes were soft and... gentle? 

When did Oikawa ever looked at him like that before? 

He blinked after a moment, as he recalled he was still having a conversation with Oikawa. And the boy needed to hear his answer. 

"I.. no I probably wouldn't. I would probably think it'd be a cruel joke on my account," he answered after a moment. 

Oikawa visibly deflated at his words. His eyes got dark, and the soft look was gone. It was kind of unsettling, how fast his face changed. 

"You... you really think I would do something like that?" asked Oikawa, voice monotone. 

"Three years ago? Sure," honestly answered Kageyama. "In fact, I think you could something like that even now."

Apparently that wasn't the best answer. 

Oikawa looked at him, his eyes even harder and darker than before. His face twisted in something pained and ugly, and Kageyama subconsciously leaned further away from the boy. 

His hip burned harder, and the pain was a little more unbearable. 

"I would never joke about something like that. Who do you take me for?" he said. 

Kageyama didn't quite get why he was so defensive. "How would I know? After all, you didn't say anything for three years!" 

"No I didn't and you know why!" 

"I actually don't! You just said that I wouldn't believe you, if you told me!" 

"That's good enough of a reason, isn't it?" 

"No!" yelled Kageyama. His hip was burning again. "That's not good enough!" 

Oikawa stared at him for a long moment, not saying anything. His brown eyes bored in his, his lips pulled in at tight line. Kageyama didn't know how to interpret the older boy's facial expression.

It looked like Oikawa was seconds away from blowing up. Like he might either yell at him, or cry. The thought of Oikawa crying was very unsettling and Kageyama felt an urge to lean forward and wrap his arms around the brunette, just like he did before.

But he felt like it wasn't his place.

The more Oikawa looked at him with that painful, hurt expression, the more his hip hurt. 

He didn't get what it was, maybe it was the wound that hurt. But there was a painful tug somewhere in his chest, that was pulling him in Oikawa's direction. But the mark istelf was burning, almost as bad as the time when he got it. 

Oikawa looked away after a long suffering moment of silence. Kageyama noted how his hands were clasped together. Didn't... didn't Oikawa feel this tug? 

"Whatever. You know now, and that's enough, isn't it?" quietly said the brunette. 

Kageyama huffed in response. Not nearly enough. He passed out in the middle of the game, at the Nationals, because of Oikawa of all people. 

And all he has to say for himself, is that he thought Kageyama wouldn't believe him? 

Very pathetic reasoning. 

But at least, he was willing to talk, that... that was something. 

"So um..." started Kageyama after the moment of uncomfortable silence. It was very frustrating for him to be this close to his soulmate. 

The faint memories of his dreams, of hugs and soft kisses was still lingering in the back of his mind. And the soft look Oikawa gave him earlier, made him think, that maybe Oikawa would give him that. 

He woke up in his arms after all. And the setter's fingers in his black hair. He still remembers the words, whispered in his ear: "We'll be okay."

And maybe that's why his soulmark burned so bad. They did bond after all, so maybe his mark was burning, and his soul was aching to be with the boy next to him. 

But should.. should it hurt that bad? 

And they were in hospital after all. And Oikawa already lied to him once about it. Or, didn't tell him. 

Same thing if you ask Kageyama. 

Maybe Oikawa really did hate him so bad, he didn't want anyone to know. So he could get rid of him right now, and no one would know. 

His hip ached extra bad as this thought occurred to him and his blue eyes watered at the stinging pain. 

"Since you didn't say anything, and you're not particularly fond of me, I'm guessing you don't actually want anything to do with me," he said quietly. As much as it hurt him to say, but still...

Oikawa was slowly turning his head in his direction, but Kageyama didn't finish yet. He took a quick deep breath, as he braced himself for what he was about to say. 

The soulmark in his hip burned, and he rubbed his hand over it, yet again. 

"And since we're already in the hospital do you want to...." 

He trailed off, and didn't finish his sentence, because Oikawa was looking directly at him now. His expression was horified, as he stared at him with wide eyes furrowed eyebrows. 

His eyes were darker than before, and the whole atmosphere in the room changed. Kageyama felt a little uneasy, and he shuffled a little further away from the other setter, dismissing the ache in his chest. 

"No."

Kageyama blinked in confusion. "What?" 

Oikawa's facial expression hardened. "I said, no. Are you deaf?" 

Kageyama would have been ofended, but he didn't care about the second part of the sentence. 

"I heard you just fine. But why?" prompted Kageyama, and sat up straighter in his bed. 

Oikawa's face didn't change. He was still staring holes in Kageyama's head. "Why? Why? Are you really that dense Tobio-chan?" 

This was the second time Oikawa said something like that. And Kageyama knows he's not the smartest of them all, but god damn it. He's not that stupid either. 

"I don't see how..."  he didn't get to finish his sentence, because Oikawa was already talking over him, like he hadn't said anything. 

Rude. 

"Tobio you almost died. From the soulmarking alone. And you're asking me, why I don't want the surgery? Right now?" said Oikawa darkly. 

His mark burned as Oikawa said that. He wasn't the only one who felt it this time, because he saw the older boy also dragged his hand across his hip. 

But then the meaning of Oikawa's words downed on him, and he frowned at the other boy. 

"Oh, so you want to wait, until my mark heals, and then you want the surgery?" he asked, trying to keep his voice unbothered.

But it was hard, and his voice broke at the end of his sentence. And to think that Oikawa said he's not that cruel. But here he is, saying he wants to get rid of him, once his mark is healed. 

And the bond sealed. That would probably hurt even worse than this. 

"I didn't say that," Oikawa said darkly. His eyes were still hard and dark. "I don't want the surgery not now, not ever."

Kageyama blinked confused. "Wait what?" 

Had he really heard that correctly? Or is this just his whishful thinking? Is he even awake? 

Oikawa huffed, obviously annoyed. "What, did those pain meds messed with your brain or something? Do I really need to repeat everything I say?"

He turned fully to Kageyama then, and even leaned a little closer. Kageyama's back was already pressed back againts the bed, so he couldn't move away. 

"No, my brain is completely fine thank you. You're the one who's not making any sense," Kageyama bit back equally annoyed. 

With Oikawa being so close to him, the tight pull in his chest was even worse than before. He knew what that was now, it was the bond pulling him to the other boy. 

If Oikawa also felt it, he didn't let it show. 

"Ah I see. So I'm the one saying nonsense  because I don't want to break our bond, hmm?" Oikawa said, his voice still tense and strained. 

He shuffled even closer now, so their legs were almost touching. The older setter was almost leaning over him, with their faces way too close for Kageyama's liking. 

The raven-haired boy had a little trouble breathing, with Oikawa's face so close to his. The painful tug in his chest was getting heavier with each breath he took. 

"Yes. Beacuse I'm pretty sure you..." Kageyama thought for a moment. He wanted to point out how the brunette obviously hates his guts, but he doesn't want to say it. 

He doesn't want it to be...true. 

Even if it is. 

"... strongly dislike me," he said instead. 

Oikawa stared down at Kageyama, not saying anything for a long moment. His eyes were sweeping across Kageyama's face, like he was looking for something. 

Kageyama didn't dare to breathe, and his mark burned harder than before. He wanted to push Oikawa away, because he was too close like this. But at the same time, he wanted to pull Oikawa closer. 

He didn't know if his mark burned because of the first thought, or the second. 

Oikawa's eyes flickered to Kageyama's lips for a second. The tug in Kageyama's chest was pulling harder, and the boy tried to get away from Oikawa, as far as he could. But it didn't do much, since he was already pressed to the pillows. 

Oikawa than pulled away and sat up straight beside Kageyama. "Well, even if I do dislike you, that still doesn't mean I would kill you."

"Kill me? What?" 

Oikawa groaned then and rubbed his face with his hand. Kageyama merely frowned at the older setter  because he didn't say anything that dumb to excuse Oikawa's face palm. 

"Ah, Tobio,Tobio," sighed the older setter. "Why are you making all of this way harder than it needs to be?" 

"Hey! How am I difficult if you're the one saying weird things?" Kageyama said defensive tone clear in his low voice. 

Oikawa ran his hand through his brown hair, and let his hand rest on his neck. Kageyama followed the movement with his eyes. Oikawa looked at the boy in front of him, with serious expression on his face. 

"Let me ask you this then, as simple as it can be. Do you want to die?" 

Kageyama baffled. "What kind of question is that? Of course I don't, why would you ask that?" 

"Then don't mention the surgery ever again, you hear me?" 

Oikawa was looking at him with that hard look in his brown eyes again. But there was another glint in that brown orbs, and Kageyama had a hunch Oikawa still had something hidden from him.

"Wh..."

"Because it will kill you! What part of this you don't understand?" Oikawa raised his voice over Kageyama's. 

His mark burned again. 

"How do you know that?" Kageyama yelled back, with equally annoyed tone. 

"Because, the nurse said we," Oikawa motioned with his hand between them. "Wouldn't survive if we went through the surgery again! Do you believe me now?" 

Kageyama didn't say anything for a moment. Because something didn't add up. A word in Oikawa's angry rant was rubbing him off in the wrong way. 

"Again?" 

Oikawa didn't answer for a moment. Kageyama noticed how his breath hitched, and how his eyes widened, just for a second before he frowned again. 

"You went through the surgery for that, didn't you?" he motioned to the bandage on Kageyama's hip. 

"Oh. Right..." 

Oikawa was looking like he wanted to say something else, but he was caught off, when a flash of pain surged through Kageyama's hip, right where the mark was. 

It hurt way too much to be normal, and he leaned forward, as he pressed his hand against the aching skin. The pain was building up through their entire conversation about their soul bond. 

Was that normal? 

"Tobio? What's wrong?" 

He barely registered Oikawa's slightly panicked voiced. And Kageyama knew something was off in that instant, because Oikawa didn't sound like he was in pain like him. 

In fact, Oikawa seemed completely unbothered, like he didn't feel the stab of pain, that was piercing through the bandage. 

That wasn't a good sign...

Chapter Text

To say Oikawa was panicking was an understatement. Because there Kageyama was, in pain yet again, clutching his hip  meanwhile he himself didn't feel anything in his soulmark. He didn't quite get why Kageyama felt something he didn't. 

The nurse said the bond definitely was there, so why couldn't he feel anything? Or was this just the delayed effect of bond breaking, that for some reason only Kageyama could feel?

"O..Oikawa-san..." Kageyama gritted through his teeth, and reached with his hand in his direction. 

Oikawa didn't even think he leaned forward, and grasped Kageyama's hand in his. He figured Kageyama must have felt the pull of the bond in his mark, but that still didn't explain why Oikawa couldn't feel anything. There was a dull pain, but it felt old, and a little bit unreal. Like an aftermath from his dreams. 

Oikawa chose to believe that what he felt was the bond. 

"I'm right here Tobio-chan," he said quietly for no reason at all, and tightened his hold on Kageyama's slightly trembling hand.

There wasn't anything else he could have done in that moment. And apparently it was enough, because Kageyama's breathing evened out after a moment. 

Maybe it was physical contact? 

For some reason, the brunette didn't mind that option. If physical contact was a factor that could possibly save their bond, he'll be willing to hold hands with Tobio-chan. Who knows, maybe he'll even give him a hug?

But he'll have to wait with that. Firstly Kageyama was still partly sure Oikawa was joking around. Secondly, the boy is sure he doesn't even like him. That would definitely be a problem for them, but Oikawa has to make sure the boy doesn't die first. 

"What... what was that?" Kageyama mumbled after a moment. 

He still didn't let go of Oikawa's hand, and the brunette didn't have any intention of pulling it away. 

"I don't know honestly."

"But..." Kageyama looked up at him, with foggy blue eyes. Maybe this whole thing was more painful than Oikawa interpreted. 

"You felt it, right?" 

Oikawa stared at the boy in front of him, for a second too long. This was the second time he was called out on his lie. But Kageyama doesn't know why their bond is broken, the nurse left that part out. And Oikawa is forever thankful for that. Because Tobio has troubles even believing they are soulmates, who knows what would happen, if he knew what Oikawa did? 

"Definetly," he answered. 

It sounded like a lie, even to his own ears. 

And apparently, Kageyama heard it too, because the boy furrowed his brows. He starred back at Oikawa, way to quietly and his eyes were flicking across hisbface, like he was searching for a lie.

Oikawa just plastered a blank uninterested expression on his face. Hoping that Kageyama won't see through.

"Oikawa-san, can I ask you something?" Kageyama asked after a moment of intense staring. 

"Sure. But I'll see if I'll answer."

"Be honest. Are you really okay with this?" 

Oikawa raised an eyebrow in question. There was not a trace of pain left on Kageyama's face. Like he wasn't clutching Oikawa's hand like a lifeline, just a moment before. "Okay with what?" 

"With..." Kageyama motioned between them with his free hand. He still didn't let go of Oikawa's hand. And the brunette won't lie, it actually felt nice. 

His own soulmark didn't pulse with pain. Like there wasn't anything really wrong. 

"What's this, charades?" Oikawa said bluntly. "Use your words Tobio-chan."

Kageyama huffed, obviously annoyed, and looked away for a moment. Oikawa noted how the raven-haired boy's cheeks looked flushed, and how his skin was glistening with sweat. The black strands of Tobio's hair were practically sticking to the boy's sweaty forehead. Oikawa leaned forward, and brushed the sweaty bangs away. Kageyama turned to look at him then, blinking in confusion. Oikawa slowly lowered his hand after a moment. 

"Any time now Tobio-chan. We don't have a whole day you know."

Tehnically they did, since they didn't have anything better to do, but to lie in a hospital bed. But Kageyama was a simpleton so... 

"Are you really okay with being my..." the boy trailed off again. "Uh.. I mean.. with us.."

Oikawa cocked his head to the side. He knew what the younger boy was asking. But he won't just give him an answer, he'll wait for the boy to say it. 

"Are you sure you're okay with us being soul-" Kageyama didn't get to finish his sentence, because the door was violently pushed open in that moment. 

Both of them turned to the intruders, and saw the majority of Karasuno team, barging in the room. With Daichi and Sugawara taking the lead. Judging by the not so friendly smile Daichi threw his way, Oikawa immediately knew they were aware of his actions. He wasn't the one to run away from his problems, but he's not ready to deal with mama crow. 

"Kageyama! You're finally awake!" exclaimed Sugawara. 

Kageyama couldn't even answer, because Nishinoya was ready throwing himself at the raven haired boy. "Holly shit man! I was sure you died bro! What the fuck was that?" 

"Yeah man! What the hell? Mine wasn't half as bad as yours holly hell! What happened?" 

"I..."

"Nishinoya! Tanaka! Get off  of Kageyama you idiots!" Daichi yelled over all the noise. 

Oikawa figured everyone would want to talk with his soulmate, and he decided he didn't want to be present. However, the way everoyne was so carelessly touching Kageyama twisted something ugly in his chest. His hip pulsed in pain yet again. And apparently, Kageyama sensed something too, because the boy turned to him with questioning look in his blue eyes. 

And damnit, the attention was on him now. 

The weight of Sugawara and Daichi's glare was enough, to sent a shiver down his spine. He really needed to get out of the room, pike right now. Or he might be killed. 

"Um...I'll let you all catch up and everything," he said lamely, as he rose up from his bed, to walk out of the room. 

But Kageyama squeezed his hand in his, when he tried to pull it free. He turned to the boy and cocked an eyebrow in question. He doesn't remember the younger wasn't thattouchy, and this was the second time he clung to his hand so tightly. It was probably because of the bond. 

"Don't... don't leave..." Kageyama said quietly, but his words were loud in the suddenly quite hospital room, even though there weren't alone anymore. 

And then, he felt something, something small. A painful tug in his chest, barely there. It was so small, it felt foreigner, like the feeling wasn't from him. 

"I'm not leaving. I'll be just outside the door," he said firmly. 

Kageyama's cheeks were flushed, and the boy didn't look at him, when he nodded. Oikawa's lips twitched, and he squeezed Kageyama's hand in his, before he pulled it out of the boy's hold. He pretended he didn't hear the wolf whistles, that really weren't in place. His own face felt hot, as he walked out of the room. He felt two pairs of eyes following him, and he didn't turn around as he closed the door behind him and leaned on the door. 

He needed to talk with Iwaizumi about all of this. About the thing that happened earlier  and about Karasuno captains. How much they knew. 

He covered his mouth with his hand, as he thought of Kageyama's lost look in blue eyes. "You felt it, right?"

How... how is he supposed to fix this, if he doesn't know how? If he doesn't feel the things he should feel? The nurse said they did some test, and that the bond was there. But they were still in early stage after all, so amybe that's why. But it still doesn't make sense, if it was Tobio's mark, that burned, he should have felt it. 

So why didn't he?

"Oikawa?" 

The boy looked up, when he heard his name was called. There, on the other side of the hallway stood Iwaizumi, with what looked like a milk box in his hand. Oikawa turned to him, to greet his best friend, when Iwaizumi was already speeding towards him. And that was never a good thing, so Oikawa raised his hands in surrender motion. 

"Wait, no Iwa-chan I-"

He was caught off, when Iwaizumi practically threw himself at him, and wrapped his arms around his middle. Oikawa just stood there, frozen for a moment. 

Because... what? 

"You motherfucker," mumbled Iwaizumi, after he pulled away after a moment. He didn't even give Oikawa time to say anything, as he raised his fist and punched the taller boy in the shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?" whined Oikawa, and rubbed the spot where Iwaizumi landed his punch.

"For being an idiot and scaring me to death. I thought you'll die you dumbass," Iwaizumi said accusingly, as he glared up at Oikawa.

"Die? Come on Iwa-chan give me some credit. That wouldn't be enough to kill m- Ow!"

Iwaizumi looked up at him with angry flash in his green eyes. "Yes, yes it would. And you didn't wake up for three days."

Oikawa stared back at his best friend, not saying anything for a long moment. Three days?

"What?"

Iwaizumi ran a hand through his dark hair. "Yeah, three days Shittykawa. Three days. The doctors didn't even tell us anything, and all we had were superstitions from the medics."

He looked at Oikawa, blank expression on his face. "And they didn't even think you two will make it."

Oikawa didn't say anything, as he processed the information. The nurse didn't mention anything about coma or stuff like that. In fact the nurse didn't tell them shit.

The setter didn't get to say anything, because Iwaizumi was already moving on. "But I think it's fine, all things considered. I think the fact that you're awake right now speaks for itself."

"Yeah..."

Iwaizumi looked at his friend, not saying anything for a moment. He noted how Oikawa looked a little tired, his cheeks a little flushed. And the glint in his eyes was gone. "What's wrong?"

Oikawa averted his eyes away from his best friend. "It's... about the bond. I don't think we're fine."

Iwaizumi didn't say anything. 

Oikawa huffed. "I mean... I don't know anything for sure right now. But something.. something is very wrong."

Iwaizumi punched his shoulder again. Oikawa didn't even bother to move. "Of course something is wrong! You broke the fucking bond! Of course things wouldn't magically be okay, but it'll be fine in the long run."

Oikawa looked at the shorter boy. Iwaizumi was already looking back at him. "At least I think it'll be."

The taller of the two huffed and ran a hand through his hair. "You think? That's not very comforting."

"How would I know tho? I ain't no doctor Shittykawa!"

Oikawa didn't answer to that  he just sighed. He was also hoping for the best. Hoping he could fix all of this, without Tobio knowing what he did.

"You felt it, right?"

"Iwa-chan..." Oikawa said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Something happened, to Tobio-chan," he said quietly. He grimaced after he voiced the sentence, because that wasn't how he wanted to phrase it

"Uh... something aside from... this?" Iwaizumi frowned at Oikawa.

"Yeah I... I don't really get it myself. I don't know what happened, but there was a moment, when Tobio felt a part of the bond I think."

Iwaizumi stood a little straghter, but didn't say anything. So Oikawa kept going.

"And.. he asked me if I could feel it," he said, voice quiet and low. Just in case, someone was standing nearby. He didn't want Tobio to accidentally over hear this.

He doesn't need to know Oikawa lied to his face.

"And?" prompted Iwaizumi.

Oikawa looked up from the floor, and looked in Iwaizumi's brown eyes. He didn't let it show on his face, but he was terrified. "Iwa-chan, I didn't feel anything."

Iwaizumi furrowed his brows, and didn't say anything, for a moment too long. But when he opened his mouth to say something, a loud crush on their right cut his words off. They both swiftly turned their heads, but no one was there. One of the plastic chairs were toppled over, like someone left in a rush.

"But I don't get it! I was there, I saw you pass out! Hell, I carried your unconscious ass all the way here, how...." Iwaizumi said, bewildered.

Oikawa shrugged, frustrated. "I don't know. I don't get it either..."

"This doesn't make sense! How... are you sure, you didn't feel anything?" said Iwaizumi, as he fisted Oikawa's light blue hospital shirt in his hands.

Oikawa furrowed his brows. "Of course I'm sure! You think I would lie about something like that?"

"You did three years ago," said Iwaizumi.

Oikawa froze for a moment, because he hard those words before. They were said by someone else, but the meaning was the same. And even this happened before. It was like deja vu, as Iwaizumi furiously stared at him, shaking his form by the hold of his shirt. It was too familiar and the brief memory of a terrible nightmare clouded his mind for a moment.

"Iwa-chan..."

Iwaizumi let go of his shirt after a moemnt, and took a step back. "I... I'm sorry it's just..."

Oikawa didn't say anything to that, he straightened his back, and smoothed the wrinkles on his shirt. 

"I don't want either of you to..." Iwaizumi didn't finish, he just turned away from Oikawa. The other sighed. He knew what Iwaizumi was saying. No need to say it out loud. 

"Anyway. Did you tell him?" asked Iwaizumi after a moment.

"Tell who what?" questioned Oikawa.

Iwaizumi had audacity to roll his eyes. "Kageyama. Did you tell him about the bond surgery?"

Oikawa's eyes hardened. "Are you stupid? Of course I didn't. And I never will."

Iwaizumi looked at him disapprovingly. Why is he looking at him like that? Surely he wasn't expecting Oikawa will tell Kageyama about his attempt at breaking their bond?

He is not dumb to even think of that. 

"You.."

"No. He doesn't know, and he doesn't have to. It's better this way," said Oikawa and crossed his arms. 

His hip stinged a little, since their conversation was about the soulbond again. But he didn't show the discomfort on his face. 

"What, so you're going to lie to him? Again?" incredulously asked Iwaizumi, beliwered. 

Oikawa frowned. "No. I just won't tell him. You and Tobio-chan both obviously can't tell the difference."

"Shittykawa I swear to god, this isn't the time to be joking around."

Oikawa gritted his teeth. Why did everyone think he was playing around? Iwaizumi of all people should know how seriously he's taking this. He's here, in Tokyo making an effort to fic what's broken, and here they are, asking him to stop fooling around? 

Outrages. 

"I am not."

"I think you should tell him," said Iwaizumi. "He better hears it from you, rather someone else."

"I definitely won't say anything. And neither will you," said Oikawa, with quite voice. The same tone he used right before their volleyball matches. 

Iwaizumi maintained the eye contact for a moment. "Oikawa, seriously..."

Oikawa took a step closer to Iwaizumi. "He won't know, because no one will tell him. Not me, not you, and I don't think Mr. Refreshing will say anything either."

"Besides," said Oikawa, as he raised his hand and patted Iwaizumi's shoulder, with way too wide smile on his face. "What you don't know doesn't hurt, right?" 

Chapter Text

Karasuno team was uncharacteristically quiet.

It was weird, seeing Nishinoya and Tanaka fidgeting, but not saying anything. Tsukishima was sitting in one of the chairs beside Kageyama's bed, looking bored and tired as usual.

Sugawara was standing beside the bed, smiling at him with his usual calming smile on his lips. "So, Kageyama. How are you feeling?"

The boy thought about the question. He felt horrible. Not only was he tired, his hip was itching and burning so bad, he wanted to just scratch the scorching letters off. 

But without Oikawa's presence, the pain was a little more bearable. That certainly wasn't good. There was a dull pain inside his chest, and a splitting headache forming in his head. 

"Terrible to be honest," he answered honestly. He looked around, as he noticed there was one team member missing.

"Where's the dumbass?"

Nishinoya looked around, like he just realized the orange haired boy was missing. "Yeah, where is Shouyo? Didn't he come with us?" 

"Maybe he went to the bathroom?" suggested Asahi. He was leaning on the wall beside the hospital beds, with Nishinoya fidgeting by his side. 

Why was Nishinoya so fidgety? 

"Yes, maybe he went to cry because he got his heart broken," mumbled Tsukishima. 

Kageyama lifted his arm from his face. The sunlight was scorching his eyes so he draped it over to block the light. But now raised it to look at Tsukishima with a frown. 

"What?" 

"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi mumbled and Tsukishima merely shrugged his shoulders. 

Hinata? Got his heart broken? By who? 

Surely it wasn't him. He did remember how Hinata said it wouldn't be bad for them to be matched. But he didn't actually think the boy was serious about that. 

No one was, and he had a hunch even Oikawa had troubles accepting his fate. 

The letters uncomfortably itched as his thoughts suplied him with the older boy's name and Kageyama grumbled. 

Something was very very wrong. 

"Ah, surely, he's fine. We'll go check on him later. However," said Daichi, standing beside his soulmate. "We came to check on you first." 

Kageyama's lips twitched. It was nice, to have someone care for you. "I'll be fine."

"But what happened tho?" hurriedly said Tanaka, like he was waiting for his turn to speak. "You were out for three days and that... that thing was horrible sight to see man."

Uncomfortable silence filled the room, as Tanaka said those words. Daichi glared at the buzzed haired boy, but Kageyama didn't see it. 

He rememebered the horrible tugs in his chest, the tearing of skin. He remembers the pain and the war blood on his fingers. 

He never recalled how bad it would be for his team to see him like that. 

"I... I'm sorry you had to see that..." he mumbled. 

Tanaka huffed. "What are you apologising for? It's not your fault."

"Yeah and besides, it wasn't us who... were hurt. We just... were unfortunate to witness it," Sugawara agreed with Tanaka. 

Kageyama didn't have anything to answer to that. He was aware about his team being present. And all of those strangers, who were looking down on him from the stands. He wondered what they thought about it. 

What was Inarizaki's reaction? What did Miya think? He already insulted him once, as he called him a Good Two Shoes. What did he think of him now? 

Did he think he was weak? 

"Wait! What about the match?" Kageyama asked suddenly, as he remembered the other team. 

Tsukishima cackled. "The guy almost dies, and all he thinks about is still volleyball. Simpleton."

Kageyama chose not to be bitter, as he turned to the captains. "What's the score?" 

"The match was over when the ambulance took you. I think the whole thing got postponed for at least a month," said Sugawara. 

Kageyama frowned. "Postponed? Why?" 

Sugawara looked away, as he was obviously in discomfort. In fact, the whole team looked uncomfortable again. Kageyama would feel sorry, since he was the source of their discomfort. 

But he has to know. 

"Kageyama... I don't think anyone is going back to that gym any time soon..." calmly said Daichi. 

Realization downed on the boy, and he mumbled an apology. He kept forgetting this thing wasn't uncomfortable just for him. That he wasn't the only one in the gym, the only one who suffered. 

He didn't realise people were so serious about soulmates. It already sounds like a fairytale, but it's far from it. 

Especially from Kageyama's perspective. 

"Did we at least win? We were already almost two points ahead?" he asked, hopefully. 

Daichi laughed at that, but Tanaka grumbled, obviosuly annoyed. "I said the same thing. But those idiots said that wouldn't be sportmanship or something."

"So we didn't?" 

"No. Coach tried to negotiate, but they just said it's a tie," explained Daichi. 

Kageyama deflated at the words and turn aroumd on his bed. That wasn't fair. He already felt bad, because he was the reason the match ended on a bad note, and now they didn't even win? 

They could have won, just one more point, and they'd move on to the next round. 

But no. 

It just had to happen, that Kageyama's birthday was on that precise day. And what did he get for his birthday present? 

Oikawa as his soulmate. 

"Don't worry about it, Kageyama," said Yamaguchi. "We'll play again, once you recover, and we can win."

"Yeah! And then, we move on the next round, and we play Nekoma!" excitedly yelled Nishinoya.

"And then, we win against Nekoma!" Tanaka yelled back, with the same enthusiasm.

"And then, we play againts whoever the hell comes next!"

"And we win against them too!"

"And in the end, we win Nationals!"

Nishinoya and Tanaka were openly screaming now, yelling over each other. They were loud, louder than ever before, but the noise didn't bother anything. 

It actually calmed him a little, seeing his teammates energetic again. It was like the incident three days ago didn't even happen. Like everything was normal, and Kageyama wasn't bonded to his rival.

His hip stinged, and Kageyama groaned. Was this how is it going to be? Was the going to be in pain every time he thought about Oikawa?

Was that normal?

"Oi, King."

Kageyama blinked up at Tsukishima, who was suddenly sitting right beside his bed. He looked around, and saw Daichi trying to shut the energetic duo up. 

"What?"

"Your mark hurts, doesn't it?" asked Tsukishima with low voice, like he didn't want anyone else to hear conversation.

Yamaguchi was standing nearby, not paying them attention. Or so Kageyama thought.

"Uh.. yes it does. What about it?" Kageyama couldn't help bit bit back. If this was Tsukishima's way to rile him up...

"How bad?"

Kageyama frowned at the blonde. Why does he want to know? "Huh?"

Tsukishima's eyes flickered to the side, where Tanaka and Nishinoya finally calmed down a little. "How bad does it hurt?"

"Not so bad," lied Kageyama.

Tsukishima looked at him, unimpressed, obviously seeing right through him. "Don't lie. How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad alright? Why does it matter?" he answered annoyed.

Why was Tsukishima asking him this? Surely not because he was worried or anything. the blonde was still looking as unbothered as one can get.

"That's not good. It's been three days Kageyama. It shouldn't hurt that bad anymore. If you could rate your pain on scale 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst, what number would you rate your leve of pain with?" asked the blonde.

Kageyama decided to just go along. "I'd say a solid 7 I think..."

No need to lie. He absent mindedly rubbed his hand over the bandage. 

Tsukishima clicked his tongue. "This is bad. Your level of pain shouldn't be above 3."

Tsukishima then leaned closer, and asked with straned tense voice. "Did Oikawa-san said anything about surgery?"

Kageyama narrowed his eyes, in suspicioun. Where was Tsukishima going with this? What did the blonde know?

"He said he doesn't want it. And that I shouldn't mention it. Why?"

Tsukishima looked away from Kageyama, as he mumbled: "Of course he did. The bastard."

Meanwhile Kageyama generally agreed with Tsukishima, he was confused. What does surgery have to do anything with his level of pain? He actually had some pain meds, so it wasn't the itching stitches that hurt.

"Why?" Kageyama asked again, ignoring the jab in his chest.

The blonde looked at him, his eyes glimmering with something akin to sympathy. His mouth were still set in thin line, so Kageyama couldn't actually decipher the blonde's look.

He didn't say anything, and Kageyama repeated his question.

"Why Tsukishima?"

There was that painful tug in the raven-haired boy's chest again. The tug, like someone grabbing at something inside of him. Not quite pulling, merely looking for a string to snap.

Maybe Tsukishima saw it on his face, because his eyes widened a fraction, and he reached over his bed, to press the button on the remote the nurse gave Kageyama in case something happened. 

But the boy grabbed the blonde's hand. He was fine, nothing he couldn't handle. 

"Tsukishima," he said through gritted teeth.

Before the blonde could answer, the doors were opened, and Oikawa was being pushed back into the room by a male doctor. The itch in Kageyama's hip worsened, as soon as he caught a glimpse of the brown locks.

Definitely not good. 

"... so you shouldn't just wander around young man. Oh," the doctor turned to Kageyama, as he noticed the Karasuno team in the room. "Looks like your other half is also already back from the dead huh?"

The doctor chuckled, when Oikawa grumbled something in response. Kageyama didn't find that even remotely funny, and judging by the dark looks from Tanaka and Sugawara, the rest of Karasuno didn't appreciate the joke either.

The doctor pushed Oikawa on his bed, and turned to Karasuno, with too cheerful smile on his face. "While it's nice to see you all here, and that Kageyama is alive and kicking, I am afraid the visiting hours are over. So, you'll have to leave for today."

Tanaka and Nishonya whined in dissapointment, but Daichi was quick to force them in a polite bow. "We understand, we'll leave now."

Sugawara smiled softly at Kageyama. "Get well soon Kageyama."

But Kageyama didn't want them to leave yet. He wanted to know what Tsukishima meant, the boy obviously knew something. And for some reason, Kageyama didn't want to be alone with Oikawa now. 

His presence wasn't exactly comforting, and Kageyama was sort of scared, of what that might mean. And with Tsukishima being so weird, he didn't know what to think. 

He opened his mouth to call out to Tsukishima, who was already on his way out, when the blonde turned around. "You should ask him."

His eyes flickered to Oikawa, who turned his head in Tsukishima's direction. Kageyama couldn't see the older boy's reaction to that, but he noticed the tension in Oikawa's shoulders. 

Before Kageyama could say anything, Karasuno was already out of the room, and he was alone with the doctor and Oikawa.

Oikawa who was looking at him with blank expression on his face. "What was that about?"

"Huh?" Kageyama decided to play dumb.

"What were you talking about with Four eyes?" prompted Oikawa, with an edge in his voice.

Kageyama has to be careful about this. He already knows Oikawa is hiding something about the bond from him. He looks determined to not tell him about it, but he would have to talk sooner or later. 

And Kageyama might be impatient, but Oikawa must not know that he knows something is wrong.

"The match," he said, and shrugged. Probably not the best idea to lie to his soulmate.

But Oikawa was lying for three years, why couldn't he? Besides, Oikawa doesn't need to know everything. He himself still didn't understand, but Oikawa was smarter than him. If he told the older boy what Tsukishima said, Oikawa might understand what the blonde was implying.

He would get the upper hand in this whole thing. But Kageyama won't have that. 

And Oikawa obviously saw through him, as he narrowed his brown eyes in suspicion. Kageyama wasn't the best liar since he was usually straightforward and blunt.

"Really now?"

"Yes. We were actually playing on the Nationals you know. We were close to winning," Kageyama said, digging his hole.

Oikawa still wasn't convinced. "And what does that have to do with me?"

"Well.. you were watching weren't you?" asked Kageyama, but didn't wait for the brunette to actually answer. "He was wondering for... your objective observations."

That wasn't very believable, but it wasn't entirely lie. He was actually curious to know what Oikawa thought about the game. Did he saw his serve? Does he see him as an equal now?

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. "Really? You were talking about volleyball? At a time like this?"

Kageyama didn't know what 'time like this' should mean. He didn't actually particularly care at that moment to be honest.

"Sure. I am a volleyball simpleton, as Tsukishima would say," he added.

"That you are. But I don't buy that Tobio-chan. You're going to have to try harder than that," said Oikawa, with a tight smile.

Kageyama huffed. "What you of all people are calling me a liar?"

Oikawa's eyes hardened again, and the air was tense again. Kageyama realised his mistake a little to late, but what is done is done. 

"I didn't lie Tobio-chan. I though we were past that."

"We would be, if you'd tell me why. But you didn't," stubbornly said Kageyama, as he stared back at the older boy.

The conversation was not friendly banter anymore, and his mark was burning badly again. Apparently all the talk about lying and soul bond was triggering the piece of the bond inside. 

But Kageyama needed to know what was going on. 

Apparently, Oikawa had other ideas, because the boy stubbornly glared back, with equal determination in his brown eyes. 

"It's not your business Tobio. So just leave it alone, would you?" hissed Oikawa.

Kageyama huffed. "How is it not my business, when it's about me?"

"It's not about you. Nor is it a big deal so just drop it already!"

"No! I won't! Because it involves me, so I should know! Why won't you tell me?"

"Because I don't have to!"

"But you should!"

"No! I shouldn't do anything, so just shut the fuck up!"

"How are we supposed to make this work, if you won't tell me something as important as this, Oikawa-san?" yelled Kageyama, anger evident in his hoarse voice.

He didn't notice, but in the middle of their hot headed bickering, the boy crowled closer, so he was invading Oikawa's personal space. And god damn it, his chest hurt.

It hurt because he was too close, but it also hurt because he wasn't close enough.

"It's not important okay? It doesn't matter, so just leave it alone for fuck's sake!" Oikawa yelled back, a little breathlessly, but with equally angry voice.

Kageyama was angrily staring at Oikawa's too pretty brown eyes. It wasn't fair, that Oikawa wasn't willing to talk about whatever the thing was. It wasn't fair he was still kept in the dark. 

And it really wasn't fair, how Oikawa still managed to be so fucking beautiful, even with angry frown twisting his face. 

The black haired boy was ready to bit something back, but his words were cut off, as he felt a scorching burning pain flash through his hip, right where his mark was.

"Oi...Oikawa-san.." he managed to wheeze, before his body shook violently from the pain.

He didn't know if Oikawa felt it. He couldn't hear anything again, white noise was filling his ears, and he squeezed his eyes, because the light was suddenly too bright. 

He fell forward, on something warm and hard, presumably Oikawa-san's chest. But he didn't register, he didn't register the doctor's calls.

He didn't register how Oikawa's body also twitched beneath him.

All he could think was: not again.

Chapter Text

Oikawa really should have seen it coming. He knew Kageyama can be a stubborn bastard, he knew the boy won't leave things alone. But judging by the calculating look Karasuno's middle blocker sent his way, that boy was onto something.

And since Kageyama refused to tell him, could that mean the boy knows?

But he couldn't he was careful, there's no way Tsukishima could tell what happened, just by Kageyama's symptoms. But then again, he doesn't know what Tobio told him. 

He doesn't know anything damnit, since the bastard refuses to talk. 

But nevermind that. 

Even though he saw it coming, he knew there would be an outbreak, he didn't expect... this. It felt almost the same as the day of Tobio's soulmarking.

One moment, Tobio was angrily staring at him, with beautiful blue eyes and slightly flushed cheeks. He was aware Kageyama has nice features, but the boy showed so little feelings on his pretty face, this was almlst a historycal event. 

But it wasn't a good thing, since the anger was directed directly at him, and apparently the emotion was so strong, it triggered something in their bond. 

Not very surprising, since they were talking about their soul bond.

"O..Oikawa-saan..." Tobio whimpered, as he practically toppled over.

The same pain, the same claws, right from his nightmare, were back. They were clawing at his hip, where the soulmark was, and Oikawa bit his tongue. 

What was this? Why was it happening again? Should it hurt that bad?

"Kageyama!" the doctor who Oikawa didn't notice was still in the room stepped closer, with extended hands. "What's wrong?" 

Oikawa would snort if he could, but the oain was too much. It wasn't as bad as that time, but it still hurt way too much to be pleasant. 

"Tobio-" Oikawa moved, to wrap his arms around Tobio's shaking body. Probably not helping the situation, since he was probably the cause of the pain. 

But something urged him forward, something pushed him closer. There was a silent voice in his head, screaming at him: Protect!

But there was a louder, annoying voice, that was way too familiar, echoing from somewhere deep inside: This is your fault!

He ignored the voices, and just squeezed Tobio tighter. The boy responded, as he also wrapped his own arms around Oikawa's middle. 

And after a moment, a moment that seemed long and suffering, but it didn't actually last more than three seconds, the pain was almost gone. 

There was still the aftermath of the intense scorching pain, a slight throb. But they could at least breathe normally now. 

The room was quiet for a moment, as no one said anything. Neither of the boys moved, as they were still locked in a tight embrace. It wasn't a hug, they were gripping each other like the other was their lifeline. 

"Oikawa-san..." Kageyama said quietly. "You felt it this time... right?" 

Oikawa should notice the wording. If his mind wasn't clouded from the pain and the warm feeling of Kageyama's body against his, he would notice what Kageyama said. 

But he didn't. 

"Yeah.. what.. what the fuck was that?" Oikawa mumbled back. 

"Ah.. that, kids, was the bond," said the doctor, who was standing beside the bed, scribbling something in his notepad in a hurry. 

"Huh?" 

The doctor looked up from his notepad at the boys. "I've honestly never seen anything like this before. Not in the case like yours."

Oikawa didn't like the last sentence. He was still holding Tobio in his arms, and judging by the equally hard grip on his shirt, the boy wasn't that eager to let go either. 

"What do you mean, case like ours?" 

The doctor looked even mlre pleased with himself. "Your bond is so weak, we can barely say it's even there."

Oikawa's eyes widened in slight horror. Good thing Kageyama couldn't see his expression. "What? But the nurse said it's not that bad..."

"Yeah, I told her to say that. And don't worry, I think you should be fine. With this reaction, I can say that you two are bonded for sure," said the doctor as he wrote something in his notepad again.

"However, you two are still not out of the woods yet, considering it's a miracle you two even survived."

"Why?" asked Kageyama, but his voice was muffled by Oikawa's shirt. The brunette was so glad the boy didn't push him away yet. 

"Because your bond was broken, as soon as it was formed." The doctor looked at Oikawa, blank expression on his face, obviously knowing what Oikawa did. 

The boy held his gaze, pleading to not tell Kageyama the reason. Kageyama, who was still willingly wrapped in his embrace. Kageyama, his sweet dense kouhai, whom Oikawa really didn't mean that much harm. 

His soulmate. 

"But apparently, not all of it is gone which is very, very good. But like I said, it is still severly damaged," said the man, as he pulled himself a chair. "One of the reason the bond broke are the absolutely ridiculous amount of negative emotions between you two."

The brunette scrunched his nose. The doctor looked like he was actually amused by the whole situation. Oikawa didn't find anything funny about the whole thing. 

"I'm guessing there's some bad blood?" askes the doctor his notepad ready in his lap. 

"In the past yes," muttered Oikawa, and pretended he didn't notice the way Kageyama gripped his shirt tighter. 

He didn't want to know what that meant. 

"I see I see," mumbled the doctor to himself, as he wrote on his notepad. "You two will need to do something about that. Since this petty fight you had right now, was triggering that little part of your bond. It probably hurt pretty bad, yeah?" 

The bastard didn't even wait for them to respond. "That's because your bond broke a little. The negative emotions like anger are what weakens the bond. And in your case... it breaks it."

Oikawa stared blankly back at the doctor's face. The man had audacity to stretch his lips in a not so kind smile. "So I really suggest you two have a talk to clear things."

He scribbled something in his notepad and added after a moment, without looking up: "Without lying of course."

Now Oikawa really started to get very annoyed with the man. Firstly, he looks at them like they're some kind of exhibit, and refuses to help. And now he has the audacity to call him out? 

Oikawa would strangle the guy, if he wasn't holding Kageyama. The boy apparently still didn't realise they were still partly hugging each other. 

"So now what?" asked Oikawa, trying to not show his annoyance slip through with the tone of his voice. 

"Ah. Since soul bonds are a spiritual matter, there's nothing we can actually do for you," said the doctor, as he looked back up. "Because we can't force the bond to fix, so you two kind of, need to figure this out by yourselves." 

Useless. 

Oikawa was annoyedand frustrated. He felt hopeless, since he still doesn't know how to fix this, and he obviously won't get any help from the medical staff. He should have seen this coming. 

But what can he do now? He obviously can't tell Tobio, Iwaizumi would just whack him upside the head, and Karasuno is definitely out of the question. 

He's on his own. But he has no ideas. 

"How do we do that?" he still asked, hoping against hope, that the useless man had something up his sleeve. 

"Well, for one thing, you need to find your healing factor. I won't go into the details, but they are three factors to the bond. But yours is fairly obvious, so I don't think that's a problem," said the annoying doctor, as he shrugged his shoulders. 

Oikawa simply stared back, and he felt Tobio tilt his head, so he could see the doctor arouns Oikawa's arms. 

The doctor stared back for a moment, before the bastard chuckled. "Well from my objective observations, judging by the way you two are clinging to each other, I'd say you two have a strong physical factor."

Oikawa almost laughed bitterly, because that was just ridiculous. Ridiculously unfair. A very embarrassing, almost painful memlry flashed before his eyes, as he remembered how he swinged his arm, with intention to slap Tobio across the face. 

As much as it was ironic it wasn't funny. Kageyama obviously thought the same, as the boy abruptly pulled away from Oikawa, and shuffled as far from Oikawa as possible. 

Needless to say Oikawa was dissapointed, and that he was filling a little cold without Tobio's body against his. But what really bothered him, was the tig in his chest, as Kageyama pulled away. 

It was like a slap, a slap that never happened. He felt like he was rejected, and even the doctor raised one eyebrow. 

This really wasn't looking good. 

"Anyway..." started the doctor after a long suffering moment. "The bond can only be removed by force, since there is no procedure that could fix the broken bonds."

"Why?" curiously asked Kageyama. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Because people break their bonds for a reason idiot."

Kageyama glared at him, and he simply stared back. Probably not the best choice of words, since they'd probably get into a fight again. 

The mark was itching. 

"So what was the reason ours broke then?" snarled Kageyama, anger flashing in his blue eyes. 

Oikawa knew he was being lured in a trap. Kageyama was trying to get him to tell him the reason, the actual reason he broke the bond. Or was he waiting for confirmation? 

"Wouldn't know. It wasn't me who broke it," Oikawa said back, with bored, uninterested voice. He even leaned his head on his palm, to give the general bored impression. 

"Oh really? I thought we already established that it wasn't me who carries the negative emotions in this," bit back Kageyama. 

And god damnit, the boy is just repeating himself. They already had that stupid conversation. 

"Sure. Because you always admired me, didn't you, Tobio-chan?" Oikawa said back, with mocking voice. 

He should shut up. He was on a mission to fix their bond, to rewrite it, to make it into something beautiful. But Kageyama just had to make things difficult. 

"Yes. Yes I did. I still do," stubbornly said Kageyama. There was a tense edge in his voice, like he was struggling to get his words out. 

Oikawa didn't feel the heavy thing settling in his chest this time. Could it be, that his part of the bond is actually more damaged than Tobio's? 

"Well maybe you really fucking shouldn't. Maybe you should open your eyes, and see that I am not as good as you think I am," Oikawa said back, not really thinking about his words. 

Hurt flashed across Kageyama's face before it flashed back to anger. And it was funny, how Kageyama felt hurt, even tho barely for a moment. Because Oikawa didn't insult him. He was actually taking shit about himself. 

"Maybe you should open your eyes, to see how fucking amazing you are!" Kageyama hissed. 

Oikawa chuckled darkly. Tobio was way too precious, to innocent for all of this. Even though he knows Oikawa did something bad, he's still looking at him with that stupid glint in his eyes. 

"That blind fate of yours will burry you one day Tobio-chan," he said sweetly. 

"Why you..."

"Boys! Seriously!" the doctor clapped his hands, to stop their bickering. He didn't look that cheerful anymore. "What is wrong with you two? I just explained that your bickering and fighting will only worsen the situation, and you two just went and picked a fight?"

Oikawa turned away from both Tobio and the doctor. This was not how he imagined this to go. They was getting nowhere. Even tho Tobio said those things, he was still inching away from Oikawa, sitting out of his reach. 

The resentful look in his blue eyes, as he pulled away like Oikawa's touch burned, will probably haunt his dreams. 

Soulmates were not supposed to look at each other like that. They were not supposed to be accusing each other of lying. They were not supposed to be in pain, so much god damn pain. 

They were not supposed to be the reason for the other's suffering. 

But here they were. 

Here he was. Not feeling things he should. 

"You two are lucky to even be alive. These things are not to be taken lightly, and this issue is serious. So I suggest you get you shit together," hissed the doctor. 

Oikawa whipped his head around so fast, his neck gave an audible crack. "And how am I-we... supposed to fix this?" his brown eyes flickered to the boy beside him.

Hopefully he didn't notice the slip up. 

The doctor however, most certainly did. His grey eyes hardened, but he didn't say anything on the matter. "For starters, I would suggest you two have a proper talk, like I said before. And you should form a relationship."

Kageyama made a choked sound to that and the doctor was quick zo correct himself. "A friendship. You two should start by forming a friendship. You can't walk around loathing each other's guts."

Oikawa side eyed Kageyama. He could make this work. He coudl be Kageyama's friend. Deep down, he was aware that wasn't nearly enough for him. 

He wanted to be with Kageyama, he wanted to be able to call Tobio his. He wanted Tobio to claim him in return. He wanted them to be proper soulmates. 

"We can do that. Right, Tobio-chan?" he smiled widely at the raven-haired boy. 

Tobio's face wasn't revealing any emotions, since there was his usual neutral blank expression on his face. "I don't know. Friends don't lie to each other, do they?" 

Oikawa's smile didn't falter. "Friends aren't constantly suspicious of each other either. Seriously Tobio, have some faith in me, will you?" 

Tobio was ready to make a remark, when the doctor clapped his hands again. "But first and foremost.. You two need to understand you two are not enemies. You are soulmates, bonded by your souls, so get that through those thick heads of yours!"

Oikawa sighed heavily. He had accepted that. And he was perfectly fine with it. It was Tobil, who was having cold feet about the whole thing. 

His hands itched, as he felt a wild urge to wrap them around Tobio for no reason at all. But as soon as that urge appeard, something clawed at his hip, like it wanted to prevent him from reaching over. 

Needless to say they had a long way to go. 

Kageyama murmured his agreement, and the doctor flashed them his cheerful cheeky smile again. "Splendid. So, sincd your injuries are of soul nature, you two will be discharged tomorrow, after we check on your stitches. Now I suggest you two have some rest."

He turned on his heel to leave, but before he walked out the door, he swiftly shuffled back. "Oh, and I suggest monthly check ups, so we can test your bond to see how's it going. Now go sleep. And no bickering please."

He flashed them another smile that was supposedly charming, but it only irritated Oikawa more. 

"What a prick," mumbled Oikawa, mostly to himself. 

"Oikawa-san," started Kageyama, and the brunette just knew the boy wanted to have that conversation right now. 

But it was bound to end in another petty fight, and Oikawa didn't feel like passing out again. So he turned away from Tobio as much as it actually hurt. 

"Not now Tobio-chan. He said we should sleep. So go sleep," he said, bitter. 

"We've been asleep for 3 days, Oikawa-san," Kageyama answered, voice monotone. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Nice observation skills smart ass. Now be quiet, and go to sleep." 

Kageyama huffed. "Why are you so rude?" 

"Because I decided to be. Now shut up, and leave me to sleep."

"But Oikawa.."

"No. Shut the fuck up. We've done enough talking for today. We can chit chat more tommorrow, okay?" 

"Oh okay..."

They will not in fact talk tomorrow. Oikawa needs a strategy, and a believeable story to cover up his lie. There is absolutely no way he is ever letting Kageyama knew about his actions. 

No matter what Iwaizumi or Four Eyes say.

Speaking of Iwaizumi, Oikawa reached over to the stand beside his bed, and threw the milk box at Tobio over his shoulder. 

"This is from Iwa-chan. He got it for you earlier," he mumbled, as he wrapped blankets around himself. 

"Wha.. Iwaizumi-san? He was here?" asked Kageyama incredulously. But Oikawa knows this kid, he knows how to read between the lines. 

"Yes he was. Because he drove me here. Can you shut the fuck up now?" 

"He drove you here? To Tokio?" said Kageyama as he ripped the straw off the milk box. 

Thank God Oikawa decided to turn the other way around, cause the panic flickered across his face. He heard Mr. Refreshing told the younger boy it was because of the distance between them, that his mark hurt so bad. 

"Yes. He drove me here to this hospital. Now leave me alone and be quiet," he mumbled bitterly. 

Kageyama hummed in response, as he was already sipping his milk tbrought the straw. Oikawa settled between his covers, and shuffled as close to Kageyama as could, without the boy noticing. 

He closed his eyes after a moment. He was very actually tired, but sleep sounded like a good idea to pas the time. 

He'd rather cuddle with Tobio, but they weren't there yet. Would they ever actually be? 

Oikawa sighed, sadly. He really really wished he'll be able to fix this. 

Chapter Text

After Kageyama's stitches were checked over, they were both free to go. Since there was no actual reason for them to be at Tokyo anymore, Karasuno already drove back that afternoon.  Kageyama was almost without his ride, but Iwaizumi was waiting for both of them, impatiently outside of the hospital.

So Iwaizumi was Kageyama's ride back to Miyagi.

The drive was painfully awkward and quiet, because Kageyama tried to initiate conversation about their bond, but Oikawa always talked over him, to cut him off. Which was very annoying, and stupid in Kageyama's point of view. Because he thought the boy wanted to fix things, but he avoided actual confrontation.

But that was fine. As long as they weren't at each other's throats, and their marks didn't hurt. Kageyama also had to think about how to approach the subject, and how to make Oikawa tell him the thing he doesn't want to tell. It was obvious it had to do something with him, so he should fucking know right?

He thanked Iwaizumi for the ride as he pulled up in front of his house. He was ready to leave, when Oikawa grabbed his arm. The doctor said the psychical contact was their major factor. So should it burn?

The hug back at the hospital felt rather nice, but something was jabbing at him, like poking him with needles. He didn't give much thought to it, because of the incident that happened before. But he felt the same poking feeling now, in his right hip. Was that a good sign?

"What?" he asked, as Oikawa moved to stop him.

The brunette squeezed a piece of paper in his palm. Probably his phone number, but the squeeze of his hand was completely necessary. 

"I'll be in touch. We do still have to talk about this," said Oikawa, in a quiet voice.

"Okay. Me too," he said, and pulled his hand away, to put the paper in his pocket.

Oikawa smiled at him, that soft gentle smile. The kind Kageyama never saw before. It looked real and genuine, and it stretched Oikawa's lips so beautifully, the boy felt a wild urge to lean forward and press his own lips to his. 

But before he could act on it, Iwaizumi's car was gone, and he was standing alone on the drive way of his house. He thought it would be better, without Oikawa by his side. That maybe, the annoying feeling would be gone.

But it felt even worse now, and Kageyama huffed, frustrated. "Fuck you Oikawa-san," he mumbled to himself.

~

Oikawa in fact, wasn't in touch. 

As soon as Kageyama's phone was back and working, it vibrated with various text and missed calls. All of them were of course from the annoying human tangerine. Mostly cheer up texts, general good mornings, stupid stuff like that. Kageyama didn't even bother to read all of them. There were also some texts from Daichi, asking for his well being and informing him of their schedule. Since Nationals were postponed, they have the time to train a little more, practice little harder, so they can jump and aim a little higher. 

Kageyama was okay with that. 

What he wasn't okay with, was that he didn't get a single text from Oikawa. They should repair their bond, by starting a friendship. And how can they be friends, when Oikawa doesn't even reach out to him?

"Maybe you should open your eyes and see I'm not as good as you think I am."

That sentence was really bothering Kageyama, ever since he got out from the hospital. He doesn't understand, what Oikawa meant by that. If he was talking about his volleyball, the brunette was obviously wrong. Since he was the best, no matter if he got to the Nationals or not. 

But if he was talking about himself, the person behind the monster serve... Kageyama feels a little bad to agree with it. Oikawa is not the kindest person out there, the black haired boy still believes the other resents him for something. Hell, Oikawa is still keeping him from something, so he is definitely aware his personality wasn't the best. But something unsettling made its way in Kageyama's chest, as he thought about the words. Why was he the one feeling hurt, he doesn't have the slightest idea. 

But still, Oikawa shouldn't talk about himself like that.

He didn't want to think about it any much longer. Oikawa said they would talk, and he would ask what he meant, when they will. Simple as that. He won't admit, that he was waiting for the boy to text him. If he checked his phone during every break, no one but him needed to know.

And apparently Hinata. 

"Baakayamaa! You're back!" yelled Hinata way to fucking loud, as he threw himself at Kageyama.

"Yes I am, now get off of me," he grumbled and pried Hinata's small hands away from his waist.

"You didn't answer my texts you jerk!" whined the ginger boy as he hopped along with Kageyama's long strides.

"Cause you're annoying."

"Hey! How rude Kageyama, and here I was worried about you! Next time I won't sent you a get well card!"

Kageyama threw all of them pinkish white cards away. He never liked those things, since they were completely useless and stupid. Needless to say he didn't send one either.

Ever. 

"So um.. how... how are you?" asked Hinata after a moment, sounding a little nervous.

Kageyama didn't stop, as they were on their way to the gym. Even though the doctor said he should avoid any unnecessary movements, to not break his stitches, that won't stop him.  Soulmarking barely pulled him to stop, he won't let it get in the way again. 

"Absolutely fine." 

Hinata didn't have to know his mark still hurt. 

"Cool cool. How is uh... the Grand King?" mumbled Hinata, voice dropping to a dark tone. 

Kageyama looked at the smaller boy from the corner of his eye. "Wouldn't know. He's probably fine. Why?" 

Hinata frowned up at the dark haired boy, in visible confusion. "You don't know? Aren't you guys soulmates?" 

"Well, yeah, but I can't feel his emotions you dumbass," Kageyama said. 

They were barely on the first stage, since all they have is a fragment of their bond. He can't even tell where they stand, simce Oikawa refused to talk, and didn't reach out to him yet. 

"And the last time we saw each other was last week at the hospital, and I didn't hear from him since," he said bitterly. "Why?" 

"So you're not talking to him?" Hinata asked. Was Kageyama imagining things, or was there a hopeful gleam in his brown eyes?

"Not at the moment no. Why?" the raven-haired boy asked, suspiciously. 

Hinata practically beamed up at him, with his usual bright eager smile. "Ah! So you can toss to me then?" 

"Wha- yes. When did I say I wouldn't?" Kageyama asked, baffled and confused, but Hinata stormed past him through the gym door. 

The taller boy just stood there, right outside the gym door, for a moment too long, trying to comprehend what the hell just happened. He doesn't recall he ever said to the smaller guy he won't toss to him.  And what does the tossing have to do with Oikawa? Absolutely nothing.

Kageyama sighed, in annoyance. Hinata was such a weird overwhelming boy. As a fellow volleyball simpleton, Kageyama thought he could easily understand the energetic shrimp. But apparently, he didn't. 

"Oh! Kageyama! You'll practice with us today?" gretted Yamaguchi, as he stepped into the changing room. 

"Yeah," he answered shortly. He walked to his spot, and quickly took of his shirt, to change. He wasn't able to play volleyball for five days, and he felt like he was going insane. 

He felt someone watching him from the corner of his eyes, but he payed them. no mind. It was probably the red scars on his hip. The scarred tissue was ugly, and it ran right across Oikawa's initials. The O. T. was barely visible, with red flesh across the black skin. The whole thing was even uglier, with black stitches holding the skin together. 

The stitches will come out in a week, but the scars would still be there. Ugly and red, as a reminder of what happened. 

Like Oikawa's initials weren't enough. 

Daichi eyed him concern as he walked in the gym. "Are you sure you can play already?" 

Kageyama shrugged with one shoulder. "Yeah. My stitches will be removed in few weeks, I'll be fine."

Daichi narrowed his eyes. "But you shouldn't pressure yourself Kageyama. I know you are eager to play, but you did have some serious injures."

Kageyama pointedly avoided his gaze. "I know. I don't plan to do any jumping today so, I think it should be fine."

Daichi still didn't look very convinced, as he pulled his lips in a tight line. Kageyama appreciated the concern, but they can't slack off. Not when they got some additional time. 

"I promise," he said, as convincingly as he could. 

Before the captain could say anything, Sugawara draped his arm over Kageyama's shoulders. "Don't worry Daichi, I'll look over this injured crow, so he won't push himself. Okay?" 

Daichi's face immediately softened, as his soulmate made hismelf known. Suddenly, Kageyama didn't want to be here anymore. He didn't want to be beside Daichi and Sugawara, being all sappy and happy. 

His mark throbbed, but he didn't let it show. 

"Okay okay. But seriously, Kageyama," Daichi looked at Tobio with a diferent kind of soft look in his brown eyes. "Don't push yourself. We got time."

Kageyama nodded shortly, before Sugawara lead him away. Hinata was quick to come running to them. "Kageyama! Toss to me, toss!" 

"Calm down you dumbass!" Kageyama yelled back. He didn't like how everyone was suddenly very cautious around him. 

The secretive quick glances, when they thought he wasn't looking. The look of concern in Daichi and Sugawara's brown eyes. It would feel nice, to have someone care about him, but there was also a weird tension in the room. Like his team mates were aware of something, he didn't know. 

It didn't feel nice at all. 

~

"So, how are things?" mumbled Tsukishima at the end of the practice. They were cleaning up the gym, and the two of them were untying the net. 

They all practiced hard, except for him. He wasn't allowed to play three on three, because of his stitches. He did toss to Hinata, but he wasn't allow to go full oout . Sugawara was quick to pull him back, when Kageyama wanted to take a step further. 

"What things?" Kageyama said back, his mind absent. 

"You know what things, Your Majesty," Tsukishima said, voice monotone and unbothered. 

"Uh... good?" he answered, but it come out as a question. He didn't know how things with Oikawa were. 

They barely talked god damnit, how is he supposed to know where they stand? Are they friends now? Or are they just rivals agian, who happen to share the stupid soul bond?

"Really? Does your mark still hurt?" asked Tsukishima, his voice still unchanging. 

Kageyama lied. "Nope."

Tsukishima looked up at him, and Kageyama pointedly turned away. The blonde was smart and observant, and he probably knew something Kageyama doesn't. But there's a line to all of this, and the blonde can't knkw everything. 

"You don't have to lie to me you know. But whatever. How are you and Oikawa?" the blonde asked again. 

Kageyama thought about what to say. Can he trust the blonde with something as personal as this? It probably wouldn't hurt, since Tsukishima is already on board with everything.

Maybe he can even... help? 

"I don't know," he mumbled, as he folded the net in his hands. 

Tsukishima didn't falter, he kept on folding his part of the net. "How so? Didn't you ask him like I told you to?"

"No. We didn't talk yet," he answered bitterly. 

Tsukishima's hands stopped for a moment. "You didn't? It's been a week Kageyama."

"I know that," the boy gritted through his teeth, and pulled the net to himself, to carry it back to the storage room. 

"You know that's not good right? Since I'm guessing you two didn't even establish your bond?" Tsukishima prompted on, as he followed Kageyama to the storage room. 

"It's not my fault! He said he'll be in touch, but he didn't even text me!" Kageyama hissed angrily, as he threw the net over his shoulder. His mark pinged painfully. 

"And I can't even tell what he thinks about all this! He didn't even actually say anything, and it pisses me off! Because I can't tell if he's serious or not!" he practically yelled in frustration. 

His mark was burning again now, and he rubbed his hand over it. He would have to be more careful in the future with his words apparently, because he triggered the bond again. He just hoped he didn't damaged it more than it already is, because he can't die yet. He made a promise with Hinata, and he plans to see it happen. 

"Why don't you tell him then?" quietly said Tsukishima, with the same bored voice. Like Kageyama didn't just threw a tantrum. 

The raven-haired boy glared at the blond. "Did you even listen to me? I can't! He said he'd reach out first!" 

Tsukishima had the audacity to roll his eyes. "He just said he'll be in touch. That doesn't necessarily mean he would be the first to act on it."

"What are you saying?" Kageyama narrowed his eyes at the other boy. 

Tsukishima looked at him, unbothered and unimpressed look on his face. He didn't had the chance to answer, when Nishinoya barged in. 

"He's saying you should man up and text him first! You know, like a man!" excitedly yelled the libero, as he practically threw the poll into the room. 

Kageyama side stepped to avoid the flying metal. "But Oikawa is a man too! Why doesn't he man up first?" 

Tanaka was the one who answered this one. "You gotta be the bigger man dude!" 

"Be the bigger man..." Kageyama repeated lamely. He didn't want to be the one to initiate the conversation. He already tried in the hospital, but Oikawa gave him the cold shoulder. 

It was obvious it was the latter, who should start first. Considering he was also already hiding something. 

Tsukishima sighed, annoyed by the stupid conversation. "Are you sure he didn't already texted you, and you have him blocked?" 

Kageyama looked at Tsukishima, baffled. "No! I am not that stupid, he gave me his new number!" 

As soon as he said that sentence out loud, he realised his mistake. His mind flashed back to Oikawa's hand taking a hold of his, and the paper that was placed in his palm. 

Oikawa was waiting for him to man up. 

"You.. are a fucking idiot," Tsukishima said, not amused. "I wonder, how are you even alive, and why do I bother?" 

Kageyama chose to be selectively deaf,  as he focused on the last part of Tsukishima's mumbled sentence. "Why do you bother?" 

The storage room got silent after that, and Tanaka and Nishinoya chose that moment to run out of the room. The blonde clicked his tongue in painfully obvious annoyance. 

"I don't know, and you'll never know either," he said and flashed a sarcastic tight smile in Kageyama's way. 

"Tsukki! Are you done? Let's go to class!" yelled Yamaguchi from the gym. 

A soft smile flickered across Tsukishima's face. Kageyama knew those two were soulmates. It was kind of hard to miss. And he doesn't want to be bitter, he doesn't want to feel these ugly things, but he was jelaous. 

He was jealous of the love that is obvious between Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. The obvious open affection between Daichi and Sugawara. The way Nishinoya looked up at Asahi with stars of admiration. The way Kyoko laughed softly at Tanaka. 

He wanted what they all have, and he wanted it bad. But he won't get it, because his bond with his soulmate is broken, and he is feeling like he was rejected, before he even knew it. He won't get it, because his soulmate dislikes him. He won't get it, because he doesn't deserve it. 

And it hurt. 

"..ama...Kageyama!"

"What?!" he snarled. Tsukishima didn't flinch at his suddenly very angry tone. 

"Just...talk to him, would you?" the blonde said, and didn't wait for Kageyama to answer, as he walked out of the room, leaving Kageyama alone with his brooding thoughts. 

Kageyama rubbed his chest, in a not so helpful attempt, to ease the heavy feeling in his chest. His hip was also throbbing painfully again, and he wondered if Oikawa felt it. He probably didn't, since they can't actually feel each other yet. They didn't actually make any progress, since they didn't talk things through yet. 

"Fuck you Oikawa-san," he mumbled to no one in particular, as he left the storage room. 

Hinata was waiting for him in the changing room, so they could walk back to class together. Kageyama quickly changed to his uniform, and turned away from Hinata, a she pulled the shirt over his head. For some reason, he didn't want the smaller boy to see his ugly soulmark. If Hinata noticed, he didn't say anything, as he simply kept on talking about random things. Kageyama wasn't listening, because his mind was elsewhere.

But Hinata's voice was welcome. Kageyama will not admit out loud, but he missed the smaller guy. He never would have thought he would feel this way, but it bothered him, taht Hinata didn't show up at the hospital. 

Was he that uncomfortable? 

"Byee! See you later!" Hinata waved him off, as he ran to his class. Kageyama didn't even notice he was already in front of his classroom.

He walked in his class, pretending he didn't notice how the murmurs tuned out, or how everyone turned to look at him. He pretended he didn't saw the looks of pity, sympathy. He ignored them all, and simply took a sit behind his desk. 

He paid half of his usual attention to classes, and what the teachers was saying. His mark was feeling uncomfortable, to the point where he absent mindedly scratched the irritated skin. It wasn't the best idea he had, because that only made it worse. At least he knew the pain was physical. 

He whipped out his phone under his desk, determined to sent the first text to Oikawa. But what should he say? A simple 'Hi' sounds stupid and boring. And he can't just simply jump to the topic, that would be weird. He has to text something which would defiently guarantee the response. Since Oikawa can easily ignore him, the bastard. 

Maybe he can call him? 

Kageyama dropped his head on his desk. No way. That would be uncomfortable and awkward as hell. And he most defiently doesn't want to hear Oikawa's voice right now. 

"Kageyama? Can you read the next paragraph please?" the teacher called him softly. 

Kageyama raised his head from his desk, after he dropped the phone in his bag. "Uh, sure," he mumbled, as he opened his book. His classmate leaned closer, and showed him the line where they left off, and he stood up to read. Oikawa would apparently have to wait a little longer. 

The bastard. 

Chapter Text

"Iwa-chan, help me!" Oikawa whined for the third time through their lunch break.

He told Kageyama they would talk things out, but he needed some time to think of what he'd say. And he also wanted for Tobio to come to him on his own accords, and that's why he gave his number to the boy.

Okay, so that wasn't entirely true. 

He didn't have Kageyama's because he was once a jealous petty little brat, who couldn't get over his clouded jealousy. So he never even actually had Kageyama's contact

"I already told you what you should do Shitty-kawa," said Iwaizumi, as he continued with eating his bento, completely unbothered.

Oikawa groaned in annoyance. "I am not telling him the truth, how many times do I have to repeat myself, for you to see, that that is obviously out of the question?"

Iwaizumi glared at him. "You shouldn't lie you idiot! You know he's already suspicious of you, why would you go on with this?"

"Exactly! He doesn't even trust me right now, I can't tell him that I actually tried to break the bond! I have to gain his trust first!" Oikawa said firmly.

He does know that he's probably only digging his grave, since Kageyama doesn't appreciate being lied to. He already established that, and he won't back away. It's better, if Tobio desn't know. Why can't Iwaizumi see that? 

"And you're planning on doing that with lying?" Iwaizumi asked, dumbfounded.

"Not the best way to do it but yeah," he confirmed, and stabbed a shrimp with his chopsticks.

He doesn't even like shrimps. 

"I hope you realise how really fucking stupid you sound right now," Iwaizumi muttered, as he turned his attention back to his food.

Oikawa grumbled in annoyance. He hadn't heard from his soulmate in a week, and he wondered, what that meant. The mark ached dully, but he wasn't going to be the one to start. He gave Tobio time, because he wanted him, to come to the brunette. Because Oikawa was more or less on the board with everything.

Tobio on the other hand, was all cold and closed off. Oikawa can't tell what the younger thinks about it, because he hides under grumpy face and monotonous words. 

"Iwa-chan, it's been a week," he muttered darkly as he pushed the stabbed shrimp around on his plate.

"Hmm. Maybe he needs some more time?" Iwaizumi said, but it came out muffled, as the boy chose that exact moment to shove a rice ball in his mouth.

Oikawa didn't answer to that. How much time does the boy need? It sounds very unbelieveable, that Tobio would wait this long. Hell, he was ready to talk as soon as the doctor left their room. And maybe they should talk back then, because they would already be past this whole thing now. 

But he is an idiot. A lying idiot.

But he wanted the bond with Tobio. He almost destroyed it once, and now that he got a second chance, he won't just let it go that easily. And if he needs to lie a little longer, to secure the fragile little part of the bond left, so be it.

"It... it almost hurts, you know," he said after a moment, or more whispered quietly, only for Iwaizumi to hear.

The boy turned to his best friend, and leaned a little closer. "What do you mean almost?"

Oikawa sighed, heavily. "It's not like... I can feel it. It's like I would feel it if I could. Like there's something that should hurt, but it doesn't, because..."

"Because it's not there?" Iwaizumi finished Oikawa's sentence, and the boy just nodded.

It didn't make much sense, but there wasn't any other way to put it. He's been feeling this painless ache, ever since he drove away from Kageyama, as Iwaizumi took him home.

He didn't feel it in the hospital, but it was painfully obvious now. That there is a part missing. And it filled Oikawa with dread, because he doesn't know, if he can recover the missing part.

"How do I.." he started, and stopped for a moment, to collect his thoughts. "How do we even bond?"

He doesn't even know where to start. Because like the doctor said, soulbonds are more of a spiritual connections. There are physical factors, such as the marks on their bodies. Everything else, is more spiritual, emotional. At one point, one can feel the other's emotional state, even though it's second handed.

But it doesn't matter, since soulmates are two halfes of one, simply made to be together. No matter which form their relationship takes place. They can be friends, but it's common, that soulmates go down the romantic road.

Oikawa might lie to Tobio, but he will not lie to himself. He doesn't want just the friendship. He wants to be more to Tobio. 

"Oh? You two are going to bond?" Matsukawa's face popped between them, and Oikawa scrambled away.

"No!" hissed the brunette, as he elbowed Matsukawa to shove him away. "We can't bond because we are not soulmates! And stop eavesdropping, how rude!"

Matsukawa just laughed in response, as he took a sit across from Oikawa, with Hanamaki sitting beside him. "No, but seriously. Troubles in paradise?"

Iwaizumi snorted, as Oikawa scrunched his nose. "What paradise?"

Hanamaki reached over to steal a shrimp off Oikawa's plate. "The one where you're bonded happily with you special significant other and live happily ever after."

"Like us, right Makki?" smugly said Matsukawa, and Hanamaki nodded.

"Exactly like us my beloved," said Hanamki around a mouthfull of shirmp he stole from Oikawa.

It was no secret that the other third years were bonded. Oikawa was happy for them, he really was. But he can't help, but feeling the dark ugly jealousy swirling in his chest. The most ridiculos thing was, that he actually has no right, to feel this ugly. Because it's his fault, that his hip hurts. It's his fault, that Kageyama doesn't trust him.

It's all his fault.

Iwaizumi nudged him with his elbow and Oikawa blinked, and unclenched his fingers, where he was clutching the chopsticks in his hand, to the point they broke. He didn't realise he was glaring at his friends, sitting across the table, and he was quick to plast a fake smile on his face.

It did't fool anyone.

If the duo were bothered by Oikawa's angry glaring, they didn't show. In fact, it was like they were expecting the dark emotions from Oikawa's end.

"Anyway, tell us our dear Captain. What's gotten your panties in a twist?"

Oikawa glared again, "I don't wear panties."

Iwaizumi snorted, Hanamaki cackled. "Of course you don't. But seriously. We can help you know?"

Oikawa sighed. Can anyone really help in his condition? The doctors were helpless, how will his teammates help in all of this?

"I mean, we are already bonded, so we can you know..." Hanamaki shurgged. 

Oikawa observed his teammates for a moment It's true, those two were bonded since their first year. Which was like, three years already. Iwaizumi isn't telling him anything about his soulmate, and if those two were actually willing to talk, he might as well use the opputornity.

"Okay then. Tell me, how do I bond with my soulmate?" he asked and leaned forward on his elbows.

Hanamaki shrugged. "Ah... you gotta let the bond bond you know."

Oikawa stared back at a pinkish brown haired man, with blank exppresion on his face. That really wasn't helpfull. It was useless, impractical, and he regretted asking. 

"Don't look at me like that. It's true! You can't force that stuff, right, Matsu?" said Hanamaki, defensive.

Matsukawa agreed. "Yup yup. But you can however, nudge it a little I guess."

Oikawa still kept his face blank, in case this whole thing was actually a misdirect. It didn't sound very promising, but he was desperate, and he'll take anything. "Oh yeah? How?"

Iwaizumi mumbled something, but Oikawa didn't understand, since the boy was still shoveling food inside his mouth. 

"I can't understand you. Eat your food first, speak later, you brute," Oikawa said, with a sweet voice. It earned him a painful jab in the hip, right where his fucking mark was. 

The bastard probably aimed for that.  

"He probably wanted to say you guys need to find your factor first," said Hanamaki, as he reached over to help himself with another shrimp off Oikawa's plate. 

Oikawa was feeling a litte dissapointed. He alredy knew that god damn it. The doctor already explained that. Isn't there seriously anything else?

"Yeah. Because once you find the factor of the bond, you can use the factor to strenghten the bond. And when the bond is like...uh.. strong enough, you two will progress to another level. It all depends on what kind of bond you have and what kind of relationship you guys want," said Matsukawa and stole the shrimp from his soulmate.

Hanamaki sadly eyed the stolen shrimp.

But Oikawa didn't mind all that, he was already deep in thought. What Matsukawa said actually sounded smart, and believeable. It gave him hope. He still had to talk to Tobio first. But at least he had a hunch, of what he could do.

But there was still a big problem.

"How did you two seal the bond then?" he asked curiously.

"Huh. How did we?" Hanamaki muttered. Oikawa visibly deflated.

"I don't know. We have the emotional factor you know," said Matsukawa. "It kind of just happened. One day, I was able to fully feel Maki's emotions, not second handedly anymore. It felt...weird."

"Yeah, it's like we're only one person now. Right?" agreed Hanamaki, as he leaned closer to his soulmate, who draped his arm around his shiulders. The way how they easily embraced each other was sending another ugly wave of jealous dark emotions through Oikawa's chest.

How he wanted to be in their place.

How he wished he could easily wrap his arms around his soulmate. How he could be close to his soulmate, for no reason. How he wished he could hold his soulmate's hand, jus beacuse he wanted to, not because he had to.

How he wished he could feel something, how he wished he could feel the bond, that was connecting him to his other half.

How he wished his soulmate wasn't Tobio. 

"..wa?" 

Oikawa blinked rapidly and shook his head. He wasn't... he wasn't supposed to think like this. He was completely fine with Tobio being his other half. He had came to terms with it. Where... where did this come from?

"What?" he asked, probably too loud and his voice too tense.

Iwaizumi eyed him warily, like he knew what Oikawa was thinking. But he didn't say anything on that matter. He said something else instead: "They asked you which factor you have?"

Oikawa turned to the duo in front of him. Both of them were leaning slightly away from Oikawa now, and the boy pretended he didn't notice the way the two boys eyed him warily. He quickly flashed them a quick reassuring smile, that didn't reach his eyes. "Physical I think."

Matsukawa and Hanamaki made a choked of noise to that, and even Iwaizumi almost choked on his sushi roll. Oikawa glared at all of the idiots surroundig him. This was a serious matter they were talking about, and here they were, laughing their asses off?

Not to mention, how fast the mood changed, from dark and brooding, back to overly cheerful.

Did they forgot Oikawa's soulmate almost died?

"What's so funny?" he snarled, offended. 

"Oh, it's not funny. Not funny at all. Right Makki?" wheezed Matsukawa.

"Nope, not funny at all. I think we should protect dear Tobio-chan you know, like a decent senpais we would be," agreed Hanamaki, as he slapped Matukawa across his back. 

Oikawa didn't say anything, he choose to glare mutely. He pretended he didn't hear the decent senpais we would be part. He didn't want to give it much thought, since it possibly didn't mean anything. Neverminding that, he still didn't like the wording. But he doesn't have time to dwell on it now, e'd think about it later.

"Guys, that's not funny," said Iwaizumi, as he wiped his mouth. Oikawa didn't appreciate the save.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa then looked back at Oikawa, their faces serious, all humour gone. "Are you sure your bond is phsycal?" 

Okawa nodded courtly. 

"You... you do know how phsycal bonds are sealed, right?" asked Hanamaki.

Iwaizumi beside him tensed, but Oikawa payed him no mind. He didn't give a verbal response to the duo in front of of him, since he was done with being laughed at. So he shook his head. 

"Huh. Should we give a demonstration, then?" asked Hanamaki, as he turned to Mattsukawa.

"Let's."

Hanamaki held up his left hand, and formed a circle with his thumb and index finger. And Oikawa immedieatly understood what those two were saying and apparently Iwaizumi also saw through, as the boy abruptly stood up and left the table. 

"Wait! Iwa-chan!" Oikawa tried to call his best friend back, but Iwaizumi's steps didn't slow. 

Oikawa turned to the offending duo, who were openly laughing, at their response. "That's really not funny you brats! I was being serious you know!"

The duo stopped laughing, and Hanamaki looked at Oikawa, with blank exppression. "Really? Are you?"

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, as he glared at the other boy. "You think I'm not?"

Hanamaki's exppresion didn't change, as he said, quietly: "We heard what happened Oikawa. And we didn't mean any harm, but I really hope you're being serious with this."

Oikawa didn't answer, because it looked they had more to say. He felt a little offended, that his own teammates thought he was joking around.

Was that how they really saw him? As someone who would cruelly cut off his soulmate, and wouldn't even give an effort to fix what's broken?

"Even tho we don't know this Tobio, I wouldn't wish for anyone to go through that. And listen man, I get it, that everyone has his own demons but, that..." Matsukawa shook his head. "That was way over the line."

Oikawa looked away, as he gritted his teeth. Why were they reopening his wounds? "Don't you think I know that?"

"Then stop! Why are you making things harder? Just tell him!" hissed Hanamaki, angrily. 

"No. I told Iwaizumi, and I'm telling you: I can't. And I won't," Oikawa mumbled back, anger evident in his voice.

Why don't they understand? He is willing to fix the broken bond, but if Tobio knows, that's out of the question. The guy suggested the surgery, as soon as he woke up. Who knows what he'll do, if he tells him, that the surgery was already done? 

"Why not?" Hanamaki asked, quietly now.

Oikawa still didn't look up at his teammates. He felt ashamed, to be caught in a position like this. He was the captain, the senior to boys, who were once Tobio's friends.

One could say he's lucky, that it was Matsukawa and Hanamaki, who decided to call him out. He doesn't want Kindaichi to know about this.

He's not stupid, he could see the boy's lingering looks. He could see, that the boy wanted to repair the broken friendship. He can't let him know about this soulmate stuff.

In fact, no one must know.

"Because. It will not fix anything. Now," he stood up, so he was standing over the stupid happy duo, he smiled, looming, as he looked down at them. "Don't talk about this to anyone else. You two shouldn't even know about this. So keep it to yourselves."

He swinged his back over his shoulder, and didn't wait for them to answer, as he walked back to his class. His movements were stiffy as he glared furiously in front of him, untill he reached his classroom. 

"Iwa-chan, you brute," he said, as he sat down behind his desk. "Why did you tell Matsu and Makki?"

Iwaizumi looked at him weirdly, like he was offended  "What? I didn't tell them shit Shittykawa."

Oikawa huffed. "How do they know then? I thought we agreed we won't tell anyone?"

Iwaizumi's eyes hardened. "Oikawa. Makki and Matsu are soulmates for three years. And they saw the game. They called me in the hospital."

Oikawa bit his lip. Oh this was bad. So Hanamaki and Matsukawa knew, because they were soulmates? That meant everyone who was bonded, who was watching was aware of what happened in the gym.

And those who knew him, knew it was his fault. 

"So..they..they all know?"

Iwaizumi's look was enough, and Oikawa barely suppressed his wild urge to scream. He didn't think the situation got worse. Now he understood what he meant, when Iwaizumi said Tobio should hear it from him.

It has been a week, a week in which Tobio was alone with his teammates. Teammates, who were bonded who knew what happened. And they saw him in the hospital, they know it was him who did that to Tobio. 

What if someone told him? What if that blonde let it slip? What if the shrimp said something, that made Tobio think?

Did he know? 

Horror filled his eyes and he leaned forward, to lean his head on the table. He didn't know if it was his imagination, but his hip burned again. The dull ache in his chest was a little heavier. 

"...kawa? Oikawa? What's wrong?"

He shook his head, to let Iwaizumi know he was fine. He really fucking wasn't, but Iwaizumi doesn't need to know everything. 

He didn't raise his head off the table, not even when the teacher walked in. He kept his eyes closed, as he tried to control his breathing. Now it hurt to breathe, and he was definitely not imagining the pain.

He was sure Tobio didn't feel this, because that was just him. It was just him, because he broke the bond, and Tobio's part was missing.

He more heard then felt the vibration of his phone in his bag, and he raised his head slightly, as he reached down in his bag. He pulled the phone out of his bag with his left hand, only so slightly, so he could see the new text message. 

Unknown:
1.45 pm: You said you'll be in touch you fucker. 

Chapter Text

Me:
1.45 pm: You said you'll be in touch you fucker

Insulting Oikawa probably wasn't the best choice Kageyama made, but he didn't particularly care. Oikawa was still Oikawa after, he was the same mean guy. He didn't miraculously changed, and Kageyama and the right to be angry.

The text was partly Hinata's idea. At leats the 'fucker' part. Why Hinata was so angry at Oikawa, Kageyama didn't bother in finding out.

"I mean, I think you do have the right to be a little mean don't you?" said Hinata, as he shoved a rice ball in his mouth.

"I guess I do," mumbled Kageyama. "But still, wouldn't that be a little... you know... rude?"

Hinata shrugged. "Who cares. You should let him know you're pissed off, because he wasn't true to his words."

Kageyama eyed the other boy, curiosly. "Since when are you a defender of curse words?"

The ginger looked at him funny. "Huh?"

Kageyama sighed, and shook his head. He partly agreed with the smaller guy, because he was in fact pissed off. But wouldn't insulting Oikawa just make things worse?

After all, anger and stuff like that can only worsen their situation, and Kageyama was trying to not let it damage their bond any longer. 

"Gimme, I'll do it for you," said Hinata, as he reached over for his phone, but Kageyama shived him away.

"No, get away you bastard, I'll do it by myself," huffed Kageyama, as he pocketed his phone. "But not right now."

Hinata frowned but didn't say anything else on the matter. He started taking about something else, some movie or something, and Kageyama just sat there, and let Hinata rant.

It was nice, and peaceful. His mark didn't burn, and even the weight in his chest lifted. He felt like nothing was wrong, like everything was, or will be fine. With the difference, that it wasn't Oikawa, who was sitting beside him. 

As soon as his mind wandered back to the brunette, his mark burned, and his expression darkened. 

Was it supposed to be like this?

The break was over sooner than Kageyama would want it to, and he had to drag himself back to the classroom. He still wondered what he should text. He whipped his phone out of his pocket, and ducked under the table, to send Oikawa the message. Someone had to be the man, and apparently Oikawa didn't want the tittle. 

His fingers hovered over the keyboard, as he thought for a moment, on what to text. But he settled for Hinata's idea in the end, and wrote the short text, wrapping it up with the f word in the end.

Now he just needed to wait for Oikawa to text back. 

He didn't have to wait long, as his phone vibrated few minutes later. He leaned back, and tilted his hand to the side, so he could see what the other boy responded. 

Oikawa-san
1.47 pm: Wow, hello to you too my dear kouhai. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

Kageyama frowned. What was that supposed to mean? He glanced up, to see if the teacher was looking in his direction. She wasn't. 

So Kageyama quickly typed his response with his left hand, which took him embarrassingly longer. 

1.51 pm: I don't roll around at night so I don't know what you're saying

Oikawa was quick to respond, and Kageyama hunched over. Didn't Oikawa have class right now? 

1.51 pm: It's a saying Tobio-chan

1.51pm: Anyway, you weren't in touch either

Kageyama gritted his teeth, and painfully rubbed his hand over his right hip. Oikawa was pissing him off. 

1.55 pm: That's because you said you were going to be in touch. Can't you read?

1.56 pm: Grumpy much? (・3・)

Kageyama barely suppressed his urge to bang his head on the table. Why was Oikawa like this? Why can't he act normal? For fuck's sake, and take things seriously? 

1.57 pm: Fuck you

1.59 pm: And what the fuck is that?

2.00 pm: What, this? (・3・)

2.01 pm: Yeah

2.01 pm: It's an emoji you little brat. How uncultured are you?

2.03 pm: Never send me this shit again

2.05 pm: (｡+･`_･´)

2.05 pm: Rude

Kageyama actually groaned out loud this time, but bit into his clenched fist, to muffle the sound. What did he do in his past life, to deserve this punishment in form of Oikawa Tooru?

2.10 pm: Anyway

2.10 pm: Aren't you in school right now? You should be paying attention to class Tobio-chan (*´∀｀* )

2.12 pm: I will block you

2.13 pm: And aren't you also in school?

2.13 pm: But you texted first so... (p_-)

2.15 pm: And you were supposed to be a senior?

2.16 pm: And yeah, someone had to and apparently you don't have the guts

Oikawa didn't respond to that, so Kageyama put his phone back in his pocket. It probably really wasn't the best idea, to text Oikawa right after lunch break. He should wait until he gets home.

Or maybe he should sent the text during lunch?

The boy sighed to himself, and leaned over on his desk. It didn't matter now, at least Oikawa responded, that was something. He had managed to grasp his attention, so maybe they could actually have a decent conversation now. 

He felt his phone vibrate against his thigh, but he didn't reached to look at the text. He didn't check it, not even after the class was over. 

He waited untill he got home. Because he felt like someone was snooping on him at school, like someone was subtly trying to read his texts. But there wasn't anything useful they could see, because the real deal, would happen at home. 

Hinata had to hurry home that day, since he had to watch over his sister or something, and afternoon practice was canceled. Third years were having preparations or something like that, Kageyama didn't really listen.

He was feeling a little dissapointed, because he was looking forward to be able to play agian. Morning practice sucked, since Sugawara was constantly breathing down his neck, and he couldn't practice properly. 

But it would be fine, they have time.

The walk back home was long and boring, since Hinata wasn't there, to talk his ears off. Kageyama didn't realise, how big part of his every day life this annoying tangerine was.

Oikawa on the other hand, was barely even there. And wasn't that funny?

How is it, that the universe decided to put together two completely different people? Two indidviduals, who simply can't work? Beacuse one probably hates the other?

Kageyama kicked the rock on his way. Oikawa doesn't need to tell him, for the boy to know he's not wanted. Oikawa is probably stalling, because he's thinking of the best way possible, to kindly let him down. 

Because Kageyama wants, to be Oikawa's soulmate, no matter how stupid and against his rational thinking this may be. He wants to be something special to Oikawa. 

But he's not. 

He never was. 

Oikawa always looked down on him, he never saw him as his equal. No matter how hard he tried, Oikawa never looked at him proudly. He never looked at him like he was something diferent, something unique. 

He was getting dark dirty glances, and mocking words. Soulmates are not supposed to resent each other. It's obvious, that there is hate, like a raging gap between them. 

But it's not his fault.

The darker his thoughts got, the harder it was to breathe. Because all this thinking about his other half, triggered that small part, that belonged to the other boy. It hurt, just like that weird encounter they had in the hospital, where Tobio helplessly toppled over, right in Oikawa's arms. But this time Oikawa wasn't there, and this time, it hurt worse. 

His hip also hurt again, and he rubbed his hip in stupid attempt to ease the pain. It didn't work, and he bit his lip to prevent himself from screaming. 

Kageyama barely managed to drag himself inside his house, before his legs gave out, and he slide down on the hard floor. It was getting harder to breathe with each second.

He took three quick deep breaths, to repair his breathing pattern. The pain suddenly eased, and he could breathe again. His hip was throbbing, and he quickly took off his jacket, and raised his shirt, to see if his stitches are okay.

It was fine, the skin around looked a little red, but the stitches were okay, and he was fine. 

"God damn it," he breathlessly mumbled to himself, as he took off his shoes. "Fuck you, Oikawa-san."

Since there was no new messages, Oikawa probably didn't feel... whatever this was. Or maybe he didn't think to text him to check on him.

Whatever.

He dragged himself upstairs, a little slower, since his chest still ached a little. He took out his phone, to check the last message he got, when he was still in school. 

2.30 pm: I know. But I wanted to give you a little time. Didn't want to make you think I'm forcing you to or anything heh

"This whole thing is forced," Kageyama grumbled, as he sat down behind his desk. 

5.15 pm: Or did you want to take some time for yourself?

He put his phone to the side, not actually expecting an answer very soon. He didn't actually want to have that serious talk, he wasn't...

He wasn't ready to be rejected again. Well, he probably won't be rejected in that sense, but Oikawa might say something like: 'Ha ha, so we are bonded but it doesn't matter. You live your life I live mine. Goodbye.'

Since he can't read Oikawa, he can't actually tell what his actions would be. 

And he absolutely hates that. 

His phone vibrated, barely two minutes after Kageyama sent his message. Was Oikawa waiting for his response the whole day, or was he conveniently free?

5.17 pm: Wow. How generous. I get a response three hours later.

Kageyama rolled his blue eyes in annoyance. His mark still ached with the aftermath of whatever the hell that was. And when he actively thought about the brunette, it hurt a little more.

Should he ask Oikawa, if he felt it too?

5.18 pm: I was in fact in school. I don't have all the time for you, you know?

That was... only half of a lie. He hates himself, of how much he is willing to do, for Oikawa to notice him. Deep down, he is still a little boy, Oikawa's kouhai, eager to learn how to serve with power and control. 

5.18 pm: And here I was, thinking I was special to my cute little kouhai (*´∀｀* )

Kageyama tried to not think anything of that text. Oikawa-san was just like that. He gave everyone cute names, and honorifics. He talked with sweet and pleasant voice, but his tone never matched his words. 

He smiled, sweet and nice, but the smiles were too wide, lips too stretched. The smiles didn't reach his eyes. Oikawa Toruu was a puzzle Kageyama didn't know how to solve. 

He never wanted to, because it looked too complicated, too complexed. But now, all of the pieces were shoved in his lap, and he was practically forced to sort them out.

5.19 pm: You send this shit one more time and I swear Oikawa-san I will block you

5.19 pm: (✿≖‸≖)

5.20 pm: I'm serious

5.21 pm: Hi Serious! I'm Oikawa Tooru ⊂( ・ヮ ・⊂)

5.21 pm: ... 

5.21 pm: Are you for real right now?

5.22 pm: No, I'm Oikawa (´-∀-` )

Kageyama took in a deep breath. This was so fucking ridiculous. Oikawa was supposedly a 19 year old boy, a highschooler, a third year. He was supposed to be mature, but here he was making stupid jokes.

Kageyama didn't find the situation amusing at all. Because they were waisting time, precious fucking time. And Oikawa was sitting somewhere, probably giggling like a middle school girl.

His hip ached, and he rubbed his hand over it. He was begging to sense a pattern here. Everything Oikawa did was fucking irritating, and triggering his bond. 

He'll die sooner, if he keeps this up. 

5.23 pm: You're stalling, aren't you?

The response came so late Kageyama thought he won't get one. He was ready to send another text, along with some colorful words from his mouth, when he noticed the new text bubble. 

5.29 pm: No.

5.30 pm: Are you ready to talk now?

5.31 pm: I thought it was obvious that I am?

He didn't get an immediate response to that. In fact, he didn't get a response at all. A minute passed, two minutes, and Oikawa still didn't text anything. 

"You fucker..." Kageyama angrily gritted his teeth. Why is Oikawa so annoying? Where is he now? How long is he going to stall this for?

Just as he was ready to type a very angry text, his phone violently vibrated in his hands. The sudden movement caught him off guard, and he almost dropped the device. 

He looked at the screen, and saw Oikawa's contact flashing on his phone. So the other boy was calling him now?

"God damn it. Can't you just text back like a normal person?" Kageyama grumbled, as he swiped his thumb across the screen, to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Ah. I was wondering if you're just going to let me hanging here," Oikawa's voice came from the other line.

"I wouldn't do that," Kageyama grumbled in response.

"Sure sure.. Anyway, I'm guessing you thought about this whole thing over the week?" Oikawa said, cutting straight to the point.

Kageyama was grateful for that. 

"There was nothing to think so deeply about. We do in fact have each other's initials, whether we like it or not," said Kageyama. If his tone was a little bitter, Oikawa didn't need to know why.

"But did you come with the terms with it?" quietly asked the boy on the other line.

Kageyama thought about the stupid question for a moment. He was on terms with it, since his birthday. He knew there was nothing he could, that the letters will stay on his hip, no matter what he does. 

But was he fine with it?

Definetly not.

"I did. Like I said, there's nothing we can do about it. Or maybe there is but you don't want that," Kageyama answered, his tone still bitter.

"I thought I already told you, that surgery is out of the question, Tobio," darkly said Oikawa. 

Kageyama was taken aback at the sudden harsh and angy tone. Why was Oikawa getting all angry? "Why?"

Oikawa inhaled sharply. "Tobio. Honestly, do you want to get rid of me?"

"What? No, why would you think that?" Kageyama answered, defensive and angry. Oikawa still didn't told him his point of view, and this conversation was tiring for him.

His mark burned again, almost with the same intensity, as back then. Now he is sure of the cause behind the pain. It was obvious it's Oikawa's fault. There was never actually a doubt, but Kageyama thought that was his part of the bond, trying to heal. But it was just Oikawa, and the bond was just aching because it was broken. 

Broken, and apparently unfixable. So where is the point?

"Because, you keep asking about this damn surgery! I already told you it would kill us, so why..."

"Because it's painfully obvious, that you don't want it!" yelled Kageyama, and doubled over, because the pain was increasing with each second. 

"Who fucking said that?" the brunette yelled back, but it was muffled, like Oikawa was pressing his face in something, or maybe his phone was at the other side of the room.

"No one had to!" hissed Kageyama, as he squeezed his eyes shut.

The pain was almost unbearable again, the poking and throbbing in his hip. It sting and hurt, and it wasn't that good of a sign. None of this was good, the whole bond thing was a fucking joke and god damn it, Kageyama just wants it to end. He doesn't want this pain, he doesn't want the fucking bond. 

Especially not with Oikawa, who is still hiding things, not saying what's on his mind. How can they fix it, when Kageyama can't even trust Oikawa?

How can they be soulmates, when it's obvious they both don't actually want it?

Chapter Text

Oikawa groaned in pain and frustration. His mark was burning, which was both good and bad. 

Good, because he felt something, he felt the bond, because this was not just some random ache in his old scar. And it was bad, because it hurt the same. It wasn't better but it wasn't worse either.

It probably made sense, since they didn't do any actual bonding yet. Because they didn't talk yet, but they are now.

Their wounds are reopening, but not healing. 

"Exactly no one. So why do you keep insisting?" he barely hissed through his gritted teeth, as he face planted in his pillow. This doesn't seem like a good idea anymore.

"Because you hate me!" Kageyama's angry breathless voice ringed through the speaker.

Another wave of scorching pain flew through Oikawa, as he heard the accusation. His chest felt heavy, as the boy felt the pressure of guilt wave over him.

It was his fault, that Kageyama thinks he hates him. He wasn't the kindest to him, and his mistakes have roots all the way back from their time in middle school.

He was blinded by jealousy, he didn't realise what he was doing. He didn't realise how his actions reflected on the younger boy. 

And it felt horrible.

He felt terrible, the bitter pain of guilt was suffocating, and the ache of their broken bond wasn't that comforting either. He wanted to hang up, and hide somewhere, far away from Tobio, so he couldn't feel the painfull pull of the bond. 

But he can't because he made a promise to himself, to Iwaizumi, that he would fix what's broken.

He doesn't want to die. 

And he doesn't want Tobio to perish either. 

"You know Tobio," he snarled, and put all of his sudden frustration in his voice. "I find it rather funny, how you blame all of this on me."

Kageyama wanted to interfere, but Oikawa promptly talked over him, "Firstly, you accuse me of lying. Fair point, but I lie to everyone, so don't get so flattered."

What the fuck is he saying? 

He hissed, and rubbed his cold hand over the burning mark on his skin.

"Second, you asked me for a bond removal, as soon as you woke up, and we didn't even propely discuss it. And you're trying to tell it was me who initiated? Pardon me, but what the fuck?"

Tobio grunted on the other line, and now Oikawa was sure, the other guy also felt the same pain right now. Which meant their stupid bond was activated from the both side. Was that a good thing?

"And now, you're accusing me of hating you?" Oikawa laughed bitterly and ugly, very unattarctive.

It was not even funny.

"That's not even remotely close to what I feel towards you, you bastard. And honestly, it looks to me, that I'm not the only one, who should be blamed for this!"

This wasn't even close to what he really wanted to say. But acusing him of things, and blaming each other won't do them any good. It will only lead to petty fights, like the one they're having right now.

But at least, they are getting some points acros.

The brunette didn't want to yell at his soulmate, but it's hard t get his point across calmly, when your other half is a hot headed grumpy teenager. 

Who is convinced you absoultely hate his guts. 

"So if you don't mind, I would like to get some explanations," he said, with hard edge to his voice. 

Tobio didn't say anything for a moment too long, and Oikawa glared angrily at the wall across of him.

"Tobio seriously. You agreed to talk, and we still have some things to.." he wheezed, as a particularly sharp pain flashed through his hip. "..unpack. And I would appreciate if you'd hurry."

Oikawa folded over, and flopped to the side. He curled around himself to slightly ease the pain, so the muscles in his hip weren't tensed. The pain was the same as the one from the hospital, if not a little worse. It didn't seem like it was going to stop any time soon.

It was getting unbearable with each second, and they should stop talking. It was obvious the conversation was triggering the boond, and if Oikawa tried really, really hard, he could almost feel something else. 

A part of the bond, that didn't hurt.

He didn't understand what was going on, if the bond was simply breaking off, or if it was reaching out, trying to connect ot the other side. 

"Tobio..." Oikawa grunted, as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oikawa-san.. I... wait.." Tobio's voice was muffled and Oikawa sensed the pain in the younger's words.

"No Tobio, just.. hurry up will you?" Oikawa mumbled. 

God damn, he's going to pass out soon. The pain was getting the better of him, he can't breathe properly anymore.

"I didn't actually mean to blame you," Tobio said, after a long suffering moment, accompanied with heavy, shallow breaths. "It's just that I... I didn't actually think.."

Oikawa bit down on his fist, to prevent himself from screaming, because the pain was too much. He was aware it's going to be hard, but he didn't think it will be this painful.

Why does it hurt so bad?

You know exactly why you fucker. If you'd leave it alone, none of this would be happening right now.

"Oikawa-san I... I can't.." Tobio barely managed to choke out. 

And god damn, Oikawa can't either. But they started, and if they stop now, it will only hurt worse the next time. 

"Tobio its' fine it's the bond..." Oikawa mumbled.  "It'll stop, just tell me."

Tobio breathed heavily, quickly in rapid shallow breaths. He was probably also feeling the heavy thing, settling in his chest.

They should probably have this conversation in person, so Oikawa could reach over, and gave the younger a hug or something, that would ease the pain.

They shouldn't have had this conversation apart, over the fucking phone.

"I didn't actually think, I'd even get a soulmate.." Tobio said, rushed. His tone was tired and angry, like he was struggling to confess. 

Oikawa didn't answer, because he couldn't get his mouth to work. He couldn't even comprehend what Tobio was saying, as his mind was clouded by the intense pain, still flowing through him. 

"And to... to think.." Tobio struggled, "To think I'd get bonded...to you of all people.." 

Oikawa's eyes were dropping, as the pain was slowly draining his energy. But the pain wasn't that bad anymore, it still hurt, but it felt diferent.

Like they were actually making progress.

Like the bond was reaching to the other end, but it wasn't that painfull anymore.

"What...what do you mean?" he slurred, weakly.

"I... I really thought you hated me, and it didn't seem fair..." tiredly said Kageyama. "It doesn't seem fair, that I get to be the soulmate of someone who doesn't even see me as an equal."

Another crushing wave of scorching pain surged through the brunette, as he heard the words coming out of  Tobio's mouth.

Just how bad was he acting towards the younger to make him so self-conscious? 

"See, you're just assuming things, you little b-brat," said Oikawa. His sentence annoyed the other boy, as he heard a bitter, breathless laugh echo from the phone. 

"Are you...seriously, insulting me right now?"

"No no. I would never," Oikawa rolled over on his back, and stared up at the ceiling. He had to say this, now, or never.

"Tobio."

"Oikawa-san."

"I don't... I most definetly..." Oikawa closed his eyes, and took a deep aching breath. The heavy feeling chest still didn't go away. "Do not hate you. You hear me?"

There was no response for  a while, and Oikawa wondered, if the boy even heard him. It was a little easier to breathe now, as he finally got that sentence out of his mouth. 

As he finally let go of the feeling of childish grugdes, as he was finally honest, to Tobio and himself. 

"Tobio."

"I don't... I don't really hate you either..." Tobio said, breathlessly. The heavy weight in Oikawa's chest lifted, but his mark still burned like hell. 

Oikawa didn't respond for a moment, as he took some time to properly breathe. His mark pulsed, but the pain was totally different now. It felt weirdly comforting, like they just passed one of the barries on their way.

"Oikawa-san?" Tobio said quietly after a moment. His voice was steady now, and his breaths weren't that quick anymore.

"Yeah. I'm still here..." Oikawa mumbled, as he stared at the white of his ceiling. "It's nice to hear that you know. I thought that you resent me."

Oh, he definitely would, once he hears about what you did, said the voice inside his head. It suspiciously sounded like Iwaizumi and Oikawa shivered. 

"Who's assuming things now?" Tobio said back, his voice monotone.

"Heh. Funny," grumbled Oikawa. They weren't even halfway done woth the conversation, and he took a deep breath  to calm his stupidly fast racing heart.

Not that it work.

"So tell me Tobio," he carefully started. "What do you want from this?"

Tobio was quiet for a moment, but Oikawa waited patiently. He hoped the boy won't suggest something stupid.

"Oh no you don't. You already asked me enough questions. I think it's only fair if I ask you some things first," answered the younger boy and Oikawa gritted his teeth, annoyed.

This won't be good.

Since apparently everyone at Karasuno is aware of the situation, someone probably slipped, and now he'll get integorated over the fucking phone.

That blonde guy surely gave him some ideas.

"Ask away," he answered, with a fake smile, even tho the other boy couldn't see him.

"Are you really okay that we're bonded and that you don't want to break the bond entirely?" Tobio asked, his voice lacking any emotion.

The mark was throbbing.

"Why are you asking me this? I thought it was obvious, that I have no intention of letting you get rid of me that easily," he asnwered, snarled actually.

He sounded really egoistic right now, but if he has to be an asshole for Tobio to realise he's actually seriosu about the whole very serious thing, so be it.

"I am just asking to be sure okay?" Tobio grumbled annoyed.

"Sure. Well let me tell you once and for all. I don't mind, that we're bonded, and I don't want to get our bond removed. And not just because that'd kill us," he said, with a slightly strained voice. 

"Oh?"

Oikawa scrunched his nose. That questioning Oh didn't sound very good. But after all, Oikawa is painfully aware, that the boy still doesn't trust him. Something he'll obviously need to work on. 

"Yes oh," he mumbled back, maybe sounding a little annoyed.

"That's... reassuring, I guess..." mumbled Kageyama, as he heavily exhaled.

Oikawa didn't say anything, and neither did Kageyama. They both just sat there, with burning marks, listening to the other's pained intakes of breath.

But as awkward as the silence should be, it was actually comfortable. It didn't nag at Oikawa, and he didn't mind, that they didn't speak for a while.

But apparently, Kageyama was in a hurry. "So Oikawa-san, let me ask you then."

Oikawa hummed in response.

"What would you... like us to be?" hesitantly said Kageyama, with a low voice, void from all of the emotion.

The brunette could picture the ither boy, staring blankly at the wall, wiith his usual stoic frown on his face. Or maybe was he frowning again his face turned to the ground.

What did Oikawa want them to be? He thought he knew what he wanted.

He wanted to be a proper soulmate to Tobio. He wanted them to have the actual, proper, healthy bond. He wanted to complete and fix the broken bond between them.

And he didn't want to stop there. He wanted them to go further. He thinks that he can be able to love Tobio. Not just as a soulmate, or not just because of that.

He doesn't want Tobio to think he loves him because he has to.

He himself knows that's not true, but Tobio...

But he has to take things slow, he can't rush in there, with open arms expecting kisses and hugs straight away. He's not a fucking idiot.

He knows he has a long way to go before that. And besides, this is Tobio he's talking with.The boy is not comfortable with physical contact, so maybe he won't ever even be able to just hug him.

But whatever, he has time.

"We should start as friends first. And see where it goes from there, " he said, with a smile on his face, that may or not be forced and a little painful.

He has time.

"Don't you think?"

"Ah.. sure..."Tobio's response was a bit lagged, and his voice echoed from  somewhere in the room.

Oikawa didn't think anything of the slight bitterness in Tobio's voice. If he listened a little more carefully, he would have noticed.

"Friends.. yeah.. I guess we can do that.." Kageyama mumbled, but it didn't sound like it was directed at the brunette. It sounded like Tobio was actually talking to himself.

Oikawa dismissed the dull ache in his chest, as he cheerfully bid Tobio goodbye. He supposes they are somehow okay now. Tobio will still probably be suspicious of the whole thing, but at least he partly knows he can.. trust him.

He flipped over, so he was laying on his belly now, as he stared distantly out of the window. Maybe he should tell Iwaizumi how the talk went? But not today tho, the hour was already late, and he still had to go to school tomorrow morning.

Maybe he should have cancelled the morning practice?

He laughed without humor, as he rolled over, and nestled between his blankets. Jist becsuse he lost another chance for Nationals doesn't mean he can just sit around.

Soulmate or not, he will beat his precious Tobio-chan one day.

And that was a promise. 

Chapter Text

Hi guys, it's me hyperfixed the stupid author of this sad, sad fic.

Sadly, I've come to a horrific realisation, that I screwed this fic up. Mostly because I started dragging the last couple of chapters and nothing even happens and as I've been rereading this magnificent piece of shit, I realised just how boring this is. I have much more exciting shit to tell in this story, I have some more angst that didn't even begin to develop, yet it would take sooo fucking long for me to finally get to it at this pace.

Firstly don't worry, this fic will get its ending. Because I have thought of some nice angtsy ways to develop this story, and it'd be a real shame if you guys didn't get to see it. But this current writing style is not sufficient.

SO THEREFORE- My apologies because this thing won't be, unfortunately updated for quite some time. Because I fucked up and I wouldn't be surprised if people dropped this fic after chapter 10. Hah.

I will try to fix it, because it fills me with dreadful horror to reared some parts. I am currently rewriting it, so if anyone's actually interested in this stupid story's development, you can sleep tight cause one day the chapter will start dropping frequently.

And if no one's going to wait for it...

Well. That's not up to me really.

So anyway, have a nice day, or perhaps an evening. Or maybe you should put your device down and go to sleep. Perhaps.

Sincerely, me

Chapter Text

Kageyama felt better. The consistent pain was tolerable, and it didn't bother him so much anymore. He felt like a great weight has been lifted after his phone call with Oikawa. He still feels like there is something going on, that the older boy won't tell him, and he's pretty sure his teammates know.

Well, at least Daichi and Sugawara. He doesn't mean to judge or assume anything but he noticed how they looked at him sometimes. Sadly, and a little pitiful.

Needless to say, Kageyama hated every single second of it.

He was able to fully practice with them, but his time was still cut short. As soon as he made a face of great discomfort, Dachi was quick to sub him out and send him on the bench. It's been three weeks. and they still behave like he's made of glass, and the smallest touch might break him.

Naturally, it pissed him off.

"Ayo, why such disturbing face, your Highness?" Tsukishima asked him, taking a sit beside him on the bench. They have a ten-minute break and it's already weird that the blonde is sitting next to him.

It's not like they hate each other's guts, but Tsukishima always stood on the side lines and didn't bother with small talk.

"Fuck off," Kageyama grumbled.

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and took a sip from his water bottle. That's when Kageyama suddenly realised that the blonde boy already supplied him with some help once. He definitely knows something's up, and if Kageyama plays dumb enough, and asks the right questions, he'd tell him. And the boy could fix it, without needing to run off to Oikawa.

He quickly glanced up at the rest of the team, seeing they're all busy, before he turns to look at Tsukishima. "You're all hiding something from me, aren't you?"

Tsukishima's face was blank, and he didn't seem bothered. "Hm?"

"There's something you guys are trying to cover up, and I'm a bit fed up with it," Kageyama said.

Tsukishima blinked. "No, we're just careful."

Kageyama glared. "Then why the fuck are Dachi and Sugawara hovering above me like I might fucking break?"

Tsukishima took another sip from his water bottle, before he turned to fully look at him. "I don't think you fully understand what happened to you, Kageyama."

The raven-haired boy glared harder. Why the fuck is Tsukishima always talking like that? In stupid riddles?

"The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly that," Tsukishima said, calmly. He looked unbothered, but Kageyama is observant when he wants to be. He noticed how Yamaguchi suddenly turned to look at them. "I'm not the one you should be having this conversation with."

"Why? Cause that bastard isn't saying anything, and if you know something, you should just tell me," Kageyama said, ignoring the angry burn of pain in his hip.

Tsukishima stared at him for a moment, not saying anything. Kageyama stared back, but his own face showing how much he hates this, hates being lied to.

"I don't know anything," Tsukishima said finally, looking away. "I'm not the one you should be having this conversation with."

"You jerk. Bet if I asked Hinata he would have -" Kageyama started, but Tsukishima suddenly turned and punched him in his shoulder.

"Ow! The hell did you do that for?" Kageyama groaned, rubbing his shoulder. He looked up to glare at Tsukishima in annoyance, but his face blanked out, as he saw the void expression on the blonde's face.

"Hinata is an absolute dumbass," Tsukishima said slowly, his voice cold. "Don't talk to that incoherent idiot about this. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Kageyama didn't, but he slowly nodded. He didn't understand what happened, and he didn't have time to dwell on it, as Dachi called them up for some laps. He pretended he didn't see how Tsukishima went straight to Sugawara, to tell him something, and he looked the other way, when Sugawara glanced at him. They all were aware of this thing that's bothering him, and they won't tell him?

So be it. He can figure this shit out on his own. He took a deep breath, as he slowly started his round of laps. All he needs is to get Hinata on his own, and he'll get what he wants to know out of the ginger boy in little to no time.

But apparently, he wasn't the only one who had this thought, because suddenly, he could barely utter a single word, before someone came barging through. Whether it was Nishinoya, with his rolling thunder, Dachi for no reason, but most of the time it was Tsukishima who suddenly started sitting beside him at lunch. It was like the blonde knew what Kageyama was doing, and he made it his life mission to not let that happen.

Hinata looked bothered, and Kageyama knew Tsukishima said something to him. But he didn't have actual proof, so all he could do was endure it. The same as he endured the pain from his soul mark.

However, he still ranted about this to Oikawa, who just let him. It was a bit awkward and weird at first, but Kageyama was so goddamn angry and fed up with everything that was going on he kept sending Oikawa daily updates about his violent intrusive thoughts.

Talking to Oikawa seemed easier than handling the dreadful atmosphere in the gym. Kageyama didn't know what the hell that happened, but he was glad he was able to get his anger out, without accidentally saying something he'd regret.

2.54 pm. I'm going to lose my absolute shit once again.

Oikawa didn't need long to respond, and boy, was Kageyama glad for that. His soul mark still stinged, but he felt like they were making progress. That they could actually be friends, and perhaps even fix this thing that broke the bond between them.

2.59 pm My oh my. Good day to you too Tobio-chan (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

3.00 pm It's nowhere near to being good day. I'm going to hurt someone

3.01 pm Ay, let's not go that far, shall we?

3.03 pm You don't understand. They're at it again

3.03 pm Who's at what? The mama and papa crow?

Kageyama looked up from his phone. Today's practice was still very suffocating, and he was put on a time out, after he strained himself a bit too much. He thought he got a bit better at concealing his feelings of physical pain, but Tsukishima was quick to point it out. Nishinoya got obnoxiously loud, and Sugawara sent him out on the bench.

It wasn't fair, and Kageyama tried telling them, that he's fine. That it doesn't hurt him severely, but it's like they're straight of ignoring him.

Hinata looked at him with that strange glint in his eyes, and Kageyama thinks that boy definitely knows what Sugawara and Daichi are also aware of. Whether he found out on his own, or he was told.

However, he doesn't want to tell him. Probably because of that one time, Kageyama tried to provoke him into it, and Sugawara saw him. Hinata was sent to practice on the other side of the gym. It was like they were trying to get Kageyama to solely focus on his relationship with Oikawa. And really, he's glad they're worried about him and all but…

They didn't push Tsukishima and Yamaguchi that far.

Kageyama grumbled under his breath and looked back down at his phone to text back.

3.05 pm Duh. Who else.

3.05 pm. Their usual shit

3 06 pm Huh

3.06 pm They're all still acting like I might roll over and die anytime soon. I hate this

3.07 pm That's funny considering that you could die three weeks ago, and you didn't and you're not in grave danger now ʕಠᴥಠʔ

"That's what I've been saying for fuck's sake," Kageyama grumbled at loud, annoyed. The practice is going to end soon, and he barely got to toss any tosses. At this rate, they're going to lose the Nationals and it's going to be embarrassing.

3.08 pm Hah. Unfortunately, I can't really help you here

3.09 pm What?

3.10 pm Well not going to lie... I'd do the same if I were them (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

3.11 pm Motherfucker

Kageyama felt a sudden warmth spread in his chest, but he refused to acknowledge the reason. His cheeks felt like they were flushed, and he felt strange, but he covered it up, by thinking of his anger, and the sting in his hip.

The pain was more rational than that weird fluttering warmth.

3.11 pm Ayo! Watch your profanity   ٩(ఠ益ఠ)۶

3.12 pm How many times do I have to say it? If I see another one of these disturbing fuckers, I will block you.

3.12 pm Still an uncultured swine I see. Embarrassing (・`ω´・)

3.13 pm No, you're embarrassing. Aren't you an adult?

3.14 pm Idk. Am I?

Kageyama couldn't help but audibly laugh at that. It's funny, how he never thought he'd be so calmly and easily chatting with Oikawa, yet here he was. Almost halfway there where he wants to be. Where he wanted to be all those years ago.

Sugawara called him for stretching exercises and Kageyama waved at him, to signal he's coming.

3.15 pm Ight I have to go. These disturbing emoticons are too much for me

3.15 pm Wow. Rude. You wound me Tobio

3.16 pm Stfu. Stretching and cool off time. Talk later?

3.16 pm After you do your homework lmao. Bye bye Tobio-chan     ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Kageyama rolled his eyes and put his phone away. He felt so much lighter, so much better after that simple twenty-minute conversation with Oikawa. Which is rather funny, because he couldn't stand him a mere week ago, because the pain was too much.

This meant they were healing, right? He still has to put some plasters on his hip, but the scars were looking fine. A bit red, and brightly pink, over the scattered T. O., but it wasn't like he couldn't do his sit ups anymore.

The physical aspects of the problem were therefore almost gone. He had another doctor's appointment for it, but it was fine. Which is why he still didn't understand why he was supposed to take it easy. Daichi barely elaborated, and everyone else just nodded along, completely serious and Kageyama gave up.

Hinata quietly observed him, and Kageyama caught him looking multiple times. Honestly, he hated the way he can't properly speak to his best friend. He doesn't understand why Sugawara and Daichi think this is a good idea. Because he knows the worst thing that has happened, so just how much worse can it be?

Oikawa was practically the same, spiralling off topic before Kageyama could even start. It annoyed him, and he used all his annoyance and anger in his spiking. Daichi allowed him three reps, but who cares. It was enough to get him to cool off for a while.

Chapter Text

"Be honest, do you think they're going to sabotage me?" Oikawa asked Iwaizumi. They were sitting on the bench outside in the park, waiting for Kageyama to show up. The older setter could feel that his other part was feeling incredibly annoyed and angry lately. Well, the violent texts were also a great indicator that the boy was not feeling well. and Oikawa can't blame him.

Sugawara and Daichi were definitely monitoring everything that's been happening with Kageyama, and he knows that blonde Four Eyes was also on a lookout. But he wasn't necessarily worried about them.

"And they'd do that, why?" Iwaizumi asked, as he typed something on his phone. "If anyone's sabotaging anyone here it's you."

Oikawa huffed, knocking Iwaizumi's shoulder. "I am. trying, okay?"

"I know you are," Iwaizumi said, looking at him for a moment. "But all of this fuckery could have been avoided. And I think you should -"

"No, no, no, no, no," Oikawa waved his hand, cutting Iwaizumi off. "Not happening."

Funny enough, Oikawa was practically in the same situation as Kageyama. Iwaizumi and Hanamaki were constantly hovering above him, even the younger ones were aware of the incident. Kindaichi and Kunimi were always silently observing but dreadful guilt was obvious on their faces. And Oikawa doesn't know what the fuck happened between those three, but he knows he's not the only one who's past mistakes are coming to bite him in the ass.

However, he's making progress. His scars hurt like hell, but it's tolerable, and he knows Kageyama is slowly warming up to him. He's been texting him regularly, and Oikawa is absolutely thrilled.

It was actually Kageyama who suggested they meet up, because apparently his teammates are driving him insane. He didn't say much, and just the fact that he feels like he's going to be more comfortable with Oikawa than his team is enough to make Oikawa want to scream.

Because that's a huge progress alright? They weren't talking, barely two weeks ago, and he was actually afraid Kageyama might stubbornly keep on suggesting the surgery. And here they are now, definitely deserving to be labelled as friends.

But Oikawa is still guarded, because he's still hiding something that might break all. of this. Like a domino effect, it may come all. tumbling down, just like that.

Iwaizumi sighed tiredly but didn't say anything more.

Oikawa blinked. "I think Shrimpy is trying to sabotage me."

Iwaizumi looked at him, eyebrows arching in open surprise. Oikawa didn't mention his concerns and doubts about that guy, and he didn't mean to suddenly blurt it out like that. Yet. Iwaizumi didn't look surprised about that. He looked surprised that it took Oikawa so long to say it.

"Wha-"

"Ah Oikawa-san, Iwaizumi-san, hello," Kageyama's a bit breathy voice reached their ears. Oikawa is grateful to every higher force right now, because God forbid, if they started that conversation so out in the open.

He turned to look at Kageyama, who had no business looking that adorable. His cheeks were rosy, flushed from the cold, and he was dressed in a puffy looking coat, with a scarf around his neck. The sight of him made Oikawa feel various things.

"Why hello there Tobio-chan," Oikawa said, shuffling on the bench, so Kageyama could sit beside him. He pretended he didn't see how close Kageyama scooted.

"Don't tell me you ran here?"

"Eh?" Kageyama took a second to breathe in and blinked confused. "What do you mean? I always run." 

What a fucking-

Oikawa's face blanked out, as he looked at Kageyama with dead eyes. "What are you a fucking idiot or something?"

Kageyama glared, and Iwaizumi nudged Oikawa. The brunette fake coughed and plastered a smile on his face. "You'll get sick if you do that is what I meant to say. You dummy."

Kageyama's face cleared. "Idiots don't get sick, so I should be fine," he said deadpan.

Iwaizumi stifled a laugh, and Oikawa stared at Kageyama for a moment, before he shook his head. Another violent jab of pain in his hip, and another more painful stab at his poor heart.

Kageyama smiled at him, then, and Oikawa felt like that sharp pain might be worth it after all. He could only hope that Kageyama didn't feel as much pain as him.

Iwaizumi pocketed his phone and stood up. He looked over at the two of them and saluted. "Okay, I'll take my leave now. If anything happens, text me, but if nothing comes up, don't bother me until Monday, okay? Have fun."

Oikawa didn't want Iwaizumi to leave, but he figured he needs to test the status on his own. His best friend won't be much of help anyway, because he wouldn't help him. cover up, if he accidentally let something slip. He'd force him to spill it all out.

Kageyama called out to Iwaizumi to wave him off before he turned back to Oikawa. "Can you give me an allowance to punch somebody?"

Oikawa looked at the boy beside him, perplexed. He could feel the bubbling anger and annoyance radiating in waves from the younger boy. He could tell it was not directed at him, and he wondered, just what exactly happened to make him feel this way.

"What?" he said dumbly.

Kageyama shifted, throwing his right leg over the bench, so he was fully facing Oikawa. He scooted a bit closer to the older boy. "Do I have your permission to punch someone?"

Oikawa narrowed his brown eyes. "Why would you need my permission specifically?"

Kageyama looked away from him. Oikawa waited.

"Because. Daichi-san would say no, and Sugawara-san would agree with Daichi-san, and Tsukishima needs to get punched."

"That doesn't-" Oikawa sighed. To think he came all this way, to get asked permission for punching someone. This felt like a prank on him. "Why does Tsukishima need to get punched?"

"Because. I'm feeling like punching someone, and Tsukishima seems like he wouldn't be bothered."

Aha, that's where Oikawa's moderating skills come in. And he's also greatly worried about Tobio, because the angry bubbles are boiling, and who else is there to help but Oikawa?

This is also a great opportunity for him to test the limits and see how much their bond is actually strong. He still remembers the lessons his mother had taught him. The lessons they all had to learn at least once, because they're necessary in times like this.

It's something that only soulmates can really do. Once you're aware of the other half, and their emotions and moods change, you can help them, by sending over your own feelings. If they're feeling anger, or sadness, you can think of something that calms you down after feeling bitter anger. Perhaps a gentle hug or a feeling of comfort and understanding. Once they focus, really focus on that feeling they can send those feelings over the bond to the other person. This method helps if there's a great distance between them or if there are certain blockages that are interfering.

Oikawa didn't try this before, because he wasn't sure he was actually feeling Tobio's bond, connecting to his. He still doesn't have a clear grasp, but he can at least try, can't he?

He put a hand on Kageyama's shoulder, as he focused on his distraught feelings. Kageyama was still spilling angry things, and Oikawa should have listened, but he was too focused on the angry bubbles.

His own feelings of safety comfort, and calm understanding were like gentle snowflakes, that softly dropped onto the bloody angry bubbles, and gently popped them. He could feel it was actually working and easing Kageyama's heavy annoyed heart.

He'll definitely brag about it to Iwaizumi later. Because if their bond was severely damaged, he couldn't have done that. He shouldn't be able to reach out to Kageyama on this spiritual level, but he did, and he succeeded.

His hip hurt like it was being cut right open, but he ignored that.

Kageyama's rambling suddenly stopped, and he looked at Oikawa, surprised. Another win for the brunette: Kageyama could tell he was the one who helped.

"What the- Did you do that?" Kageyama asked.

Oikawa raised his hands, shaking them in a jazz hands motion. "It's the power of love Tobio-chan. That shit cures it all!"

It was partly a joke, so Oikawa didn't feel so offended as Kageyama snorted.

"Right. But seriously does that mean-"

"That you don't have anything to be worried about?" Oikawa asked, suddenly feeling a boost of confidence. He grabbed Kageyama's hand. "That Daichi doesn't know what's going on, and Tsukishima is talking nonsense? That we're going to be, okay?"

Kageyama stared at him, with that spark in his blue eyes. Oikawa still hated that look, but he feels like he understands it a little bit more now.

"Absolutely," Oikawa said, and smiled gently as Kageyama. He never thought he'd do that without any actual malice on his eyes. "So don't listen to them. They don't know anything."

Kageyama nodded, more to himself than to Oikawa. The brunette found that adorable.

He pulled the boy up, and started to drag him somewhere, because he won't sit there on the bench to freeze his ass off all evening. He didn't have anything special planned, but he figured he can make something up fast, right?

"So, wait Oikawa-san?" Kageyama called out to him, as he caught up to him, stumbling into Oikawa's broad back.

"Hm?"

"I'm not allowed to punch Tsukishima then?"

Oikawa laughed, and this time the sound actually sounded genuine. "No Tobio. Violence is not the answer."

Oikawa bought him a hot chocolate with marshmallows, and the liquid was almost as hot as Kageyama's face.

This was the first time, when he actually felt their bond as whole. It was just as magical and weird as Sugawara and Daichi told him. He was super angry and bitter one second, and then he felt calm, and collected the next moment. It wasn't like his anger dissolved, but it was like Oikawa was letting him know he knows exactly what he feels like.

And then he said it again, just like in the hospital, that they'd be fine. Kageyama didn't believe him back then, because everything hurt too much. It hurt him now too, but he felt like he can manage the pain, because as much as it hurts, it also heals.

"So, tell me," Oikawa said then, as they were walking on their way back home. He didn't push the issue during their hangout, and Kageyama was grateful for that. He felt like Oikawa wasn't going to force him to tell him his every move.

He also felt so strangely more comfortable around Oikawa, that the thought of that scared him a bit.

Kageyama hummed, looking at the brunette.

"What made you so mad?" Oikawa asked.

Kageyama blinked. "I’m not mad."

Oikawa huffed. "Ay, don't lie. I could tell you were hella angry. Did Daichi forbid you from playing or something?"

No. Everyone is simply hiding something, Kageyama thought to himself. Like you.

"You could tell?" He asked, avoiding the issue.

Oikawa looked at him but letting him change the topic. "Yep. I could practically feel your anger," he said. "Something's been annoying you all week, and I know you're not telling me the full story. You told me bits over texts but something else has been going on."

Kageyama took a deep breath. Oikawa stopped walking, and leaned down a bit, to look at him.

"Care to share with your super reliable senpai?"

Kageyama knew that was Oikawa technically giving him an out. He can ignore the actual question and pull off the You're not my senpai route and Oikawa wouldn't press him. But there was something strange in Oikawa's eyes and Kageyama could tell he was being put on a test.

His hip burned, as he sighed, looking away. What does he have to lose?

"I feel like they're lying to me."

Oikawa was quiet for a moment. Kageyama let him think about it, before he looked at him. He was surprised to see the dark expression on Oikawa's face.

"Lying? Or just not telling you something you think you should know?" Oikawa said slowly.

Those words were familiar, and Kageyama knew Oikawa said something similar before. It seemed like the brunette was going to defend his teammates. Which could mean that he was in on the lie. Something twisted in Kageyama's chest at the thought of that.

"I don't know, both I think," Kageyama said, recalling the way Sugawara and Daichi looked at him. Tsukishima's expression when he suggested he'd ask Hinata. They way they're all trying to get the orange haired boy away from him.

Oikawa waited, and Kageyama exhaled. He wanted the older boy to put his hand on his shoulder, to stand a little closer, so he could feel a little safer. But how insane would he sound, if he asked that?

"It's annoying honestly, the way they think I'm going to break, like I'm made of glass or something," he said, repeating what Oikawa already knows. "And they're looking at me, like they have another reason to be worried, and I can't really think of anything and it's pissing me off."

Oikawa hums. "You can't think of anything, you say?"

"No!" Kageyama snarled then. It's all coming back to him, and he took a step back, in case he accidentally lashed out at Oikawa. "But Hinata knows something, and so does Tsukishima, they all do and they're just being quiet like I'm not supposed to find out! But that's not fair!"

Oikawa stared at him, head tilted up a bit, eyebrows arched above his eyes. And Kageyama couldn't tell what the guy was feeling or thinking, and that scared him, just a tiny bit. Because why can Oikawa feel his anger, and he can't sense a tiny bit of what Oikawa is feeling now?

"Hinata knows something, you say?" Oikawa asked, his voice dropping. He looked a bit frightening, and angry. That was enough to confirm Kageyama's suspicion.

He narrowed his blue eyes. "So, there is something you guys are not telling me?"

Oikawa blinked. "I don't know what you think they're hiding from you, cause I'm not in on this."

Sharp pain stabbed through Kageyama's hip. He pressed his lips on a thin line, fingers clenching. "You're not?"

Oikawa shook his head. His face still looked frightening to Kageyama. "I'm not the one you should be angry at, Tobio."

I'm not the one you should be having this conversation with.

Tsukishima's face flashes before his eyes. Kageyama figured it out, in that moment. Oikawa is hiding something from him, and the rest of them are partly aware of it. Or perhaps, there are two different things, that are going on. That would make much more sense, because how could his teammates know what is Oikawa hiding? And who said it has anything to actively do with Kageyama?

Perhaps it was something that Oikawa is trying to forget, and it won't do them any good.

Perhaps he's just trying to protect them from further breaking.

However, the one thing he's sure about, is that Oikawa still doesn't fully letting Kageyama in. Because he's standing there, with this blank, void mask on his face, that makes him look rather terrifying. He still feels like he has to hide himself from Kageyama, and that's what bothers the younger boy.

Does he even want to know?

"Okay," Kageyama exhaled softly, fully turning to look at Oikawa. "If there was something that'd be hurting us, you'd tell me, right?"

You're hiding something from me, right?

Oikawa's face changed. He smiled gently, and his eyes softened. Kageyama's traitorous heart fluttered. "Absolutely I would."

Kageyama pretended he believed him. He figured he should talk about this whole thing with someone else. Probably someone who knows a little bit more about this whole thing. The only option would be a doctor, but he's not too fond on that option. Oikawa seems like he knows fair share about it, but if he asked would he actually tell him?

Another week passed, with no development. He was still more or less benched, the atmosphere was as cold as it was before. And his scars were pulsing, but that doesn't matter. He tried to contain that burning anger of his. But it was hard.

His anger was just boiling and boiling, and he almost snapped at practice one day. It was so annoying, that he barely contained himself from slamming the ball across the court, straight into somebody's face, possibly with enough force to break their nose.

He told Oikawa about all of this, and if he felt angry as well. But the older boy only said he feels pained bits of his anger, and that he himself doesn't feel that angry. He feels it, because Kageyama feels it, and that doesn't fucking help.

This anger developed into constant rage, and his hip burned, just like in the early days. When he was sure Oikawa hated his guts. Back then, when all he could was scream about the unfairness of the situation, he found himself in. It was like he was constantly reverting back, and that all progress they had made would be gone in a blink of an eye.

And he was fucking terrified of that, because he doesn't want to go back. As he started thinking about that, his mood only worsened and along with his rage, a bitter sadness poked at his heart. Because just how unlucky, could he possibly be that just as he can see a glimmer of light on the end of the tunnel, the darkness hides it again?

It was on a Friday, right after he finished his math homework when he started spiralling into those dark thoughts yet again, when Oikawa sent him a text.

5.07 pm Tobio-chan, I think we should go see that doctor again.

He stared at his phone, slightly confused. Could that mean, that Oikawa was also feeling they might be on a verge of breaking again? And if so, should he consider this a good or a bad thing?

5.10 pm Why would we do that?

This time, Oikawa took a bit longer to answer. And Kageyama's face paled, and he felt his heart squeeze, as he read the text message his soulmate sent him.

5.11 pm Something's wrong

Chapter Text

"So, you're feeling angry?" the doctor asked, after Kageyama's minute-long rant about his sudden feelings, and occasional Oikawa's inputs. He didn't look particularly concerned, but he didn't look super relaxed either.

Meaning, something was wrong. But whatever, Oikawa suspected as much. Because Kageyama's rageful outbursts were definitely not normal. He was always angry, and Oikawa could feel the aftermath of his rage through their bond. It was still a bit weak, which only proved just how angry Kageyama was, for him to also feel it.

It got so bad that one time, Oikawa felt like he was the one being angry. He tried calming the boy down, just like a few days ago. He tried sending calming ways of understanding and comfort in the same frequency the anger was coming from, but Kageyama didn't even sense him. Oikawa had to pause his math homework so he could call Kageyama, feeling extremely annoyed.

He had to talk nonsense for about two hours, so the boy calmed down.

"Yes, that's what I said, like three fucking times," Kageyama said, angrily.

Oikawa pursed his lips. He was sitting beside Kageyama close enough that their knees were touching. That physical factor of theirs might be helpful in times like this. Kageyama was still like boiling bubbles of anger, and Oikawa didn't know what to do. He advised the boy to be civil, but the younger snapped at him.

"Okay, okay I heard you," the doctor said, not hiding his excitement over them. Because they were considered a medical miracle, and he was like the chosen one or something. He'd brought his stupid notepad, scribbling down everything they said.

Like they were at therapy or something.

He looked at Oikawa next. "And you felt the aftermath of his anger, but didn't feel angry yourself?"

Oikawa nodded, nudging Kageyama's thigh with his knee. He looked like he might stand up and strangle the doctor. Which, Oikawa would definitely help with, if they didn't have a major problem on their hands.

"Yes, exactly that," Oikawa said politely.

The doctor nodded. "His anger didn't spark yours?"

Oikawa sighed. What the fuck was that question?

"No, I never felt angry because Tobio-chan was angry, I felt angry because -" Oikawa shrugged. The doctor nodded. "I just felt angry, I didn't have a reason to."

"Well, I did," Kageyama said bitterly, not allowing the doctor to comment on Oikawa's statement. He was tensed and Oikawa's smile strained. That idiot is going to make a fool of himself.

The doctor didn't seem bothered, he nodded to Kageyama, motioning for him to keep talking.

"I'm fucking angry, because everyone around me is pissing me off, because they're all lying!" Kageyama said, focusing his angry glare in Oikawa.

The brunette huffed, as his scars tingled painfully. Here they go again, with that same stupid argument. Oikawa might actually accidentally blurt something out on complete accident, if the boy keeps riling him up like that.

"Lying?" Oikawa asked, his face still keeping in form of a strained, now unkind smile. He returned Kageyama's glare. "Or are you just delusional?"

"No, I know for a fact there's something they're not telling me, I'm not that stupid," Kageyama said.

"Did it occur to you, that maybe it has nothing to do with you?" Oikawa sneered back. "And just because they're not telling you, doesn't mean they're lying, you absolute moron, how many times do I have to explain that-"

"Well, if it concerns me, I should know!"

"What if it doesn't? Huh?" Oikawa said, his voice raising. His chest tightened up and his scars burned. He ignored the pain. "Have you thought about that? Stupid."

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. "Then what could it be? I told you all about their behaviour and yet?"

"Listen Tobio-chan," Oikawa said, turning towards the younger. "There are things that even parents don't tell their own children until they're old enough. And in most cases, it turns out to be a good call."

Kageyama looked a bit confused, which was Oikawa's goal. To confuse the shit out of the kid, so he stops asking stupid questions, and luring Oikawa into telling him something he really fucking shouldn't. No matter what Iwaizumi says.

The brunette didn't even notice the way the doctor stood there in complete silence, observing their banter.

"Like what?" Kageyama said after a moment.

Oikawa blinked. "What do you mean like what?"

"Give me an example of parents not telling kids something they should know, but not until they're old enough?" Kageyama said stubbornly.

Oikawa's face dropped. Was that little shit serious? The boy stared at him, leaning into his space. Like he was purposely annoying him and God damn, is Oikawa going to get mad for real.

"Santa's not real," Oikawa said pushing Kageyama away. "That type of thing won't destroy a teenager's life, or cause an adult to suffer depression but tell that to a child?"

He clicked his tongue. "You destroy his whole childhood. The magic is gone, childhood ruined, but that child couldn't care less about Santa when he's fucking twenty. Do you understand?"

Kageyama stared duly at Oikawa for a long moment. The bubbles of anger were still persistent, and they were threatening to start bubbling painfully in Oikawa's temples. Which is the last thing he needs.

"That's some bullshit," Kageyama said after a moment. "Santa is the fakest thing there is, ain't no way a kid past six believes in that old man."

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. "For a moment, it seemed like your childhood flashed before your eyes you know. Bet you thought Santa was a real man until this very minute."

Kageyama's ears turned red, as he looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ain't no way. I knew Santa is not real."

Oikawa laughed at that, leaning forward to flick Kageyama's red ear. "Oh but of course. Do you know red ears are a sign of embarrassment and lying? So, which one is it?"

"You motherfu-"

"Ay, ay watch thy tongue Young one! How dare you?"

"I'm going to do something violent Oikawa-san, don't test me-"

"Boohoo, the child is mad. Call the cops!"

"I swear -"

"Boys!" the doctor suddenly clapped his hands, to get their attention.

Oikawa flicked Kageyama's temple, the boy swatted at him, before he leaned back in his chair. He felt like he was going to faint, because all those angry frustrated bubbles did in fact form in a migraine.

Was that normal?

"Arguing and insulting each other won't help," the doctor said. "However, I can see some progress. This banter was definitely not so harmful as the last one you had. But let me check something."

He looked at Oikawa who was tempted to roughly rub his temples, to try and ease the sudden headache. He didn't have a migraine in a long time and he was perfectly fine with that.

Kageyama seemed a bit calmer, which was definitely a good thing. Being so angry must've been exhausting for the younger boy.

"Oikawa," the doctor called him. The boy looked up at the annoying human. "You're feeling a headache forming right?"

Oikawa was tempted to lie. Because that guy looked way too excited all of a sudden, which was definitely not a good thing. But Kageyama was looking at him, with that stupid look, and he knew the boy knew. So, no use in hiding that.

"How'd you know?" Oikawa's smile was as cynical as it could be.

The doctor nodded, reaching into his breast pocket, pulling out a box of pills. He popped one out, turning to grab a bottle of water he had brought with him, and offered the items to Oikawa who took them.

"Figured that might be the case," he said, setting his notepad down on the desk he was leaning on. "The sudden outbursts of anger are completely normal, and they tend to happen a lot in these types of situations."

Oikawa raised an eyebrow in silent question.

"Because of the breakage, negative emotions tend to boil up sooner or later," the man said.

"Whether it's extreme sadness and remorse, but most likely it happened to evolve in severe depression, or major anger issues. That's how the bond slowly repairs itself."

That didn't make much sense to Oikawa. Because what is the reason for the sudden emotional instability of one of the two in the pair? Although it does make sense that Kageyama is the one to feel the anger. Because he has a reason to be feeling enraged upon discovering he was the one cut off.

Except… the boy didn't know that. Oikawa looked at Kageyama, who was frowning at the doctor. Or was he actually aware of certain things, and he's just waiting for Oikawa, to see how far he's willing to take it?

No way, the guy's way too stupid to actually put the pieces together, right?

"The bond's factor doesn't necessarily account to only one, and there can be some general complications. Like Kageyama's anger, that Oikawa's not feeling as an emotion, but will form as a headache, psychical pain."

Oikawa looked at the guy, perplexed. "Wait,  so you're saying Tobio-chan will be feeling emotions and that stuff, but I'll get the actual physical pain?"

The doctor shrugged. "More or less."

Kageyama looked like he doesn't understand nothing at all, but Oikawa paid him no mind.

"Respectfully that doesn't make sense. I was able to feel Tobio-chan's anger, and he wasn't able to feel me. So how am I the one who's not feeling stuff?"

The doctor shrugged and Oikawa huffed. Useless.

"Like I said, we didn't have cases like this before. So, I can't make any assumptions, until I have some clear pattern."

Kageyama looked at Oikawa with that weird glimmer in his blue eyes. The older boy didn't bother deciphering the meaning behind those eyes.

"However, I do want to test one more thing," the doctor said, coming closer. He held up his hands, looking from one boy to another. "May I?"

He didn't wait for them to shrug in response, as he reached forward, and flicked Oikawa's forehead. Like he wasn't on the verge of a head splitting headache.

"Ow."

The older man looked at Kageyama, expectantly. "Did you feel that?"

The boy blinked, confused, as he rubbed his forehead. "No? Should I?"

The doctor hummed, mumbling something under his breath, as he took a step back, and scribbled something in his notepad. He didn't bother explaining anything, as he had wrapped up their check-up, by telling them they're in fact doing just fine.

That they are on a good path to being healthy and properly healed and bonded.

"Oh, by the way," the guy asked, before they went on their way out of the room. "What kind of contact do you guys keep?"

Oikawa looked at Kageyama who blinked back at him. The brunette looked at the doctor.

"What?"

"You do, keep in contact with each other, right?" the doctor said impatiently.

Oikawa felt a violent urge to knock his head upside down. He kicked Kageyama's ankle, because that wasn't his impulsive thought. What the fuck?

"Yes, we do. Why?"

"What kind of contact? How often?"

Oikawa rolled his eyes; his headache was starting to pulse in his temples. That pill was a fucking scam. "We text each other. Or actually, this little shit vents to me about his stupid classmates," he said briefly looking at Kageyama, who stuck his tongue at him.

Oikawa kicked the boy's ankle again, this time feeling the light sting in his own leg. Surely, he imagined that.

"And well we call occasionally. Why?"

"Good, but not good enough. What about psychical contact?" the guy asked nonchalantly.

Oikawa cringed. "Nope, no zero, nada."

"That's the problem then," the doctor suddenly said loudly. Oikawa now completely understood where the violent impulsive thoughts were coming from. "There's more aspects to the bond, you guys know that. Some real actual interaction is what will help greatly."

"Real interaction?" Oikawa repeated, baffled. "Like us talking to each other over text in real time is not real interaction. Respectfully, excuse my profanity but what the fuck?"

Kageyama blinked at him, but the brunette ignored his gaze. The doctor raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure you know exactly what I mean Oikawa. I think you should tell the things you want to text to each other in person. Some special quality time."

"Quality - what even-" Oikawa mumbled.

The doctor uselessly shrugged his shoulders. "That's the most straightforward hint I can give you. Off you go now.".

Needless to say, Oikawa wasn't thrilled, and Kageyama didn't seem to feel any better. His head was hurting, and he was feeling annoyed, despite the fact that it was all just a false alarm. They were doing fine.

Kageyama kept sneaking glances at Oikawa, who stubbornly stared ahead of him, before he stopped, and turned to look at the other boy.

"What?" he said, a bit harshly.

Kageyama blinked, and shrugged, not looking particularly bothered by Oikawa's harsh behaviour. "I didn't say anything."

"No, I know you didn’t, but you want to so speak up," Oikawa said, fully turning to the younger.

Kageyama looked down at his shoes, went quiet for a second, before he looked back up.

Oikawa waited, patiently.

"Be honest, okay," Kageyama said and Oikawa mentally cursed. He's back at it again. "Do you think it's my fault?"

Oikawa's head was hurting way too much all of a sudden, and he couldn't say anything else but a dumb: "Eh?"

Kageyama took a breath, and looked away, at something past Oikawa's shoulder. The brunette didn't even notice that he couldn't feel anything from him. "Like, do you think this um," the boy waved his hands, as he searched for a word. "Malfunction, is because of me?"

Oikawa didn't know what exactly Kageyama was asking, but that question was precise enough and carefully delivered, to make him believe the boy was asking this in hypothesis for something else. He looked at him with those innocent blue eyes, but Oikawa saw something was definitely going on in the idiot's head.

"Wow, I'm surprised you know that word," Oikawa said before he slowly turned away. "And I don't know."

"You don't know?" Kageyama said, obviously not believing him. "You must think something about this, so tell me."

Oikawa kept walking, trying to not think. His head was pounding, so honestly, he couldn't even begin to properly think about the matter in this situation. But he could feel the younger's piercing gaze on his back, probably glaring with that hateful look of his.

The brunette sighed to himself, wincing at the pulsing pain. That stupid doctor really did give him something that only amplified his pain. The bastard.

"I think we're both at fault actually," he said not sparing the boy beside him a glance. "Whether it's because of my past feelings, or your justified hatred towards me, we've both been at some point everything but excited upon the other's existence."

That was simple enough to explain the situation. Considering Oikawa couldn't stand the mere sight of Kageyama, barely few months ago, it made perfect sense why they'd have these unfortunate consequences. Whether he broke the bond or not, this would still happen.

Oikawa still had some hidden ugly feeling of strange inferiority towards the younger, and some part of him really can't accept that one simple fact, that Kageyama has something he might be lacking. That is a problem he doesn't think he can fix, and that's probably what is helping to increase the damage.

That feeling of humiliation, and the look in Kageyama's eyes as he gained a point by a setter dump, won't ever dissappear from his mind. Something about that makes Oikawa's blood boil with frustration, and he won't deny it.

He definitely is a major part of the problem. But he's pretty sure Kageyama doesn't have just nice thoughts about him. So he's not the only one at fault.

"That's -" Kageyama started after a moment. His voice sounded a bit strange. "There was never a time when I wasn't... excited about your existence tho."

Ah. Here it's is again. Just like that time at the hospital when Kageyama said something similar that made Oikawa's head spin. How is he supposed to react to that?

"You little liar," Oikawa aimed a nasty look over his shoulder. His scars pulsed. "Stop saying things like that, cause it only makes me feel bad."

Kageyama returned the nasty glare. Ah. This is not going to end well.

"At least I'm not lying. I know I pissed you off in middle school but you don't -" Kageyama cut himself off, biting his lip as he looked away.

Gentle cold breeze made Oikawa's burning headache feel a little better. Or was that something else? He didn't notice they stopped walking, and were standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I don't what?" Oikawa asked, his tone a bit spiteful. He didn't want to be mean, but God. He's so frustrated for some reason he doesn't have any self restraint right now.

Kageyama bit on his lip harder, glaring at something in the distance. Oikawa refused to acknowledge the way he actually found Kageyama's angry frustrated flushed face sort of... pretty.

"I don't what, Tobio?" Oikawa repeated, taking a step closer to the younger. Now who's the one keeping quiet?

Kageyama closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before he looked back at Oikawa, his eyes still glaring. "You're not the same as you were back then. And neither am I. Because I don't want this to be any more damaged than it already is. And you said you don't want it to break."

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, and slowly blinked. This was not the time, nor the place for this kind of conversation. He can't even think clearly. His headache might be miraculously getting better, but God damn it. The pain is still violently knocking at something in his head.

"Tobio-"

"So stop making excuses, because what was done is done, I pissed you off, you still piss me off sometimes, you're making me so angry, but still," Kageyama stomped his way over to him, poking him in the chest. "You have to talk to me."

Oikawa's head was hurting too much for this conversation. He could only glare at Kageyama with the nastiest look he could master, because why is he getting a talk down, like he's some kind of child? How embarrassing that is?

If Iwaizumi saw him, he'd never let him live this down.

"Tobio. Shut the fuck up," Oikawa said. "Can you stop being so angry you're literally giving me a headache," the brunette said, turning away, in attempt to walk off without commenting on Kageyama's strangely smart statement.

How long has he been thinking about this?

"You- Oikawa-san!" Kageyama growled, following after him, grabbing his hand.

Oikawa didn't mind that, so he took the chance, and wrapped his fingers around the boy's wrist pulling him along. "I heard everything you said, and yes, yes I agree, you're really annoying my dear sweet Tobio-chan. However-"

He tugged on Kageyama's arm, locking their elbows, turning his head to look down at the younger. "I am in very bad condition right now, unable to make a smart come back and you're already making me look like a damn fool. So shut up, or I'll kick you."

Kageyama was still glaring, and Oikawa was sure he saw right through his act. But his head really was hurting like never before, and the younger didn't seem to mind the way their arms were interlocked. So honestly, it's a win for Oikawa.

"You already kicked me plenty today," Kageyama grumbled under his breath.

"Yeah cause you were asking for it," Oikawa grinned. Wow, was that just him, or did that simple motion blurr his eyesight?

"Like Hell. You're the one who needs kicking" Kageyama said, his mood still sour.

Oikawa let him have that one, as he merely hummed in response. He's going to have to find a way to deal with Kageyama's delayed emotional outbursts and his migraines, because if this is how it's going to be everytime that boy gets angry Oikawa won't last a day.

He sighed softly to himself, a painful tug tearing at his hip. He really doesn't have anyone else to blame but himself. 

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi contacted Daichi once again.

Oikawa told him his part of the story, so he's not sure how things are really going. He told him what the doctor said, and he felt disappointed on Oikawa's behalf. It was embarrassing, the way the brunette ignored what the doctor practically spelled out for him. He still doesn't understand what he's being so damn stubborn for.

"You do know what he implied, right?" he said, when they were the only ones in the gym after their practice. He was annoyed during it, because he just couldn't comprehend what's Oikawa's reason for being stupid. "Like you don't expect me to believe you don't understand, do you?"

Oikawa did exactly that, as he looked at him funny over the net. "Eh? What are you talking about? He just said quality time that doesn't-"

"Motherfucker I'm going to strangle you," Iwaizumi said, throwing the ball in the basket with neck breaking speed. "Don't try playing dumb with me!"

Oikawa watched the ball fly across the court with mild interest. He whistled, as it fell straight into the basket. "Wow Iwa-chan, your throw is getting better. You've been actively curling those biceps aye?"

Iwaizumi groaned, frustrated. Why is his best friend such a fucking idiot sometimes?

"Shittykawa you absolute fucking dumbass, can you be serious?"

"I am serious" Oikawa said then, voice changing suddenly. Iwaizumi looked at him, surprised to see his cold expression. "I don't know what exactly you think I'm doing here, because I'm trying my best, without losing my absolute shit. Okay?"

Iwaizumi stared at his friend, not saying anything for a moment. He'd notice the way Oikawa often squeezed his eyes shut, and lightly shook his head. He caught him rubbing his temples in motion circles multiple times during their algebra. The small nose scrunch Oikawa did when he was in pain but thought no one would see it.

Iwaizumi knew that guy well enough to read right through these signs.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly this time.

Oikawa sighed and looked away. He stared at something across the gym for multiple seconds, before he sighed again, a pained expression flickering across his face, as he crouched to the floor.

Iwaizumi didn't like this at all.

He didn't say anything, as he followed suit, crouching across from Oikawa.

"I am," Oikawa said, his voice muffled, his head between his hands. He took a breath. "In great, great pain you see."

Iwaizumi nodded, even though Oikawa wasn't looking at him. "I can tell as much. Why? Is it… getting worse?"

"Ah no," Oikawa waved his hand dismissively. "It's not like that. The pain's actually good." He didn't sound so sure, and Iwaizumi frowned. "I think," the taller brunette added quietly, probably thinking Iwaizumi won't hear him. 

Jokes on him. 

"What's really going on Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asked, carefully.

The boy took another breath, before he looked up at Iwaizumi. He stared at him with empty brown eyes, in complete silence before he shrugged. "I don't fucking know. All I do know is that ever since that bastard of a doctor mentioned that Tobio's emotional pain is going to be my physical, my head is constantly hurting."

Not really answering Iwaizumi's question. The boy decides he won't immediately called him out on it. 

"So, wait that means the bond is-" Iwaizumi started.

"Okay, yes," Oikawa interrupted. "But it fucking hurts and I hate this."

Iwaizumi hummed. He didn't have the faintest idea of how his best friend might be feeling, and frankly, he doesn't want to. Not that Oikawa should be feeling like this, but it's technically his fault.

Because he doesn't think about himself, and his safety even though that should be his goddamn priority.

"And whose fault is that?" he said, with a patronising voice.

Oikawa looked at him, but didn't seem to be getting offended, or angry. Instead, he sighed, almost remorseful, looking dramatically up through the windows. "I know. But no one said it should be this bad."

Iwaizumi should have thought about that. He should have made a connection with that time where they talked in the hospital. When Oikawa said something that shouldn't be possible, how he wasn't feeling anything. And now, how much pain he was constantly in.

He should have properly thought about it because Oikawa definitely didn't seem to be that eager to reconsider it. But he didn't, because he chose to listen to the good part.

He knew Oikawa wasn't telling him everything, so he tried to see what's the situation on the other side. That meant going behind Oikawa's back, but the bastard did his share of lying that brought him no good.

So, Iwaizumi snooping around isn't actually that much of a sin, right?

He met with Daichi and Sugawara on one random afternoon, a couple of days after his talk with Oikawa in the gym. The brunette was not getting better, and Iwaizumi was pretty sure the guy was on the verge of shutting down.

Yet, he didn't listen to him, and refused to physically approach Kageyama. He heard he suddenly stopped responding and started increasing the distance between them, for unknown reason. 

Which was a stupid decision, and everyone who had any insight about the situation, could tell. 

"So, how is he?" Daichi asked, cutting straight to the point, as soon as Iwaizumi sent down on the bench, bench facing them over the table.

Iwaizumi sighed. "He's not doing so well, I think. He won't tell me, but I can see he's in pain. Which I don't understand really. How is Kageyama?"

Sugawara and Daichi exchanged a careful glance, before they looked back at Iwaizumi. The look in their eyes was an answer on itself and the boy cursed silently.

"He's not so well either," Daichi said, quietly. He looked at something on his left. "He's really irritable, and angry. He doesn't show any signs of like physical pain, but he's not exactly happy upon Oikawa's decision to ignore him."

Iwaizumi cursed again, rubbing his eyes with his freezing fingers. It was very cold that day, but the situation with his best friend made him feel the cold from the inside. Which was a terrifying feeling.

"Is Oikawa-san getting headaches?" Sugawara asked suddenly.

Iwaizumi looked at him through his cold fingers. "Huh? Yeah why?"

Sugawara regained some of the colour on his face, as he smiled. But that smile didn't reach his eyes and it didn't calm Iwaizumi at all.

"I was at a seminar once, and I read a book on a similar topic," the gray-haired boy said. "I think that's a regular occurrence in the broken bonds, because the parts are slowly getting back together and it's all a little bumpy. That's why the malfunctions and all."

"Yes but, this bad?" Daichi said, doubtfully. Iwaizumi had to agree. "I don't think this is normal Suga."

"I never said it was," Sugawara raised his arms. "Hell, you heard what they said? It's a miracle those two are even alive! Nothing about them is just normal."

That caused the trio to fall into uneasy silence. Iwaizumi knew they were right, because he remembers all the blood. The way Oikawa's unconscious body was a practical dead weight in his hands, how he didn't wake up for three days. Those three days were the horror he hoped would never come true, because all he could do was simply sit there, watching both of them just lie there. Not moving an inch, just a buzzing of the machinery was all he could hear.

It scared him to death. Because Oikawa had life ahead of him, but so did Kageyama. The boy doesn't even know what is really going on, and the fact that he realises he's in the dark is enough to cause this gap between them, that's hurting them both. And what makes him mad the most, is the way Oikawa refuses to acknowledge that.

That a simple truth, that's ugly and will definitely hurt, can literally save them from quite literal death.

"Alright, well fuck," Iwaizumi said after a dreadful moment. He looked at the two in front of him, a determined look in his green eyes. "This situation has to be supervised, so I have a suggestion."

Daichi raised an eyebrow, Sugawara leaned closer.

Iwaizumi had been thinking about a way to force those two to actively interact for some time. He didn't talk about it with Oikawa, because the guy couldn't hold a simple conversation coherently, because his head was hurting too much. He tried concealing it, but Iwaizumi saw through all that bullshit. He doesn't doubt that the scars hurt as well.

"You guys have to train for the Nationals, right?" Iwaizumi started carefully. Daichi narrowed his eyes, Sugawara raised his left eyebrow. "Considering you guys might need some more efficient practice, and that volleyball is something they are both passionate about I had a thought."

Sugawara looked at Daichi, who spared him a glance, before they both looked back at Iwaizumi. "We're listening."

"Right so-"

Chapter Text

To put it lightly, and politely, Oikawa was absolutely pissed. Multiple reasons are the cause of his rage, and never had he thought that he'd be so angry with his own best friend. They had moments, yes, when they got in petty stupid fights, but that was mostly Oikawa being an idiot. He wouldn't exactly put it like that, but that's what he said, when he knocked on Iwaizumi's door to apologise.

But this?

This was Iwaizumi being an idiot. Not only that, a traitor, is what the guy was. Because he went behind his back, flocking with the Karasuno crows and now he's stuck here, for the whole weekend practically forced to interact with not only his soulmate, but the rest of his team as well. He still didn't forget that those little shits stole his last chance for the Nationals, and that was another reason why he was in such a great mood.

However, his bastard of a best friend didn't stop there. There were two other teams present at this training weekend thing, and luckily for him, they were all present at that game. They all know what happened, and they all know who's at fault.

Which roughly translates to: he won't get out of this alive. Because those people are considered Kageyama's friends, and the boy himself sometimes looks at him with that shimmering anger in his eyes. How hateful are these strangers going to stare at him?

Not to mention, a very concerning detail, which has been worrying Oikawa ever since they went for the check-up. His head never stopped hurting, and his hip is also causing him great discomfort. He feels like he's going to fall over anytime now.

"Wow, wow," Bokuto said, his voice echoing loudly through Oikawa's ear. The brunette winced. "Kawa my man, you ain't looking so good. You, okay?"

The guy is loud and obnoxious, and he was getting on Oikawa's nerves. None of the people from Tokyo (what's up with that? To think they came all the way from there to harass him. Just how much does Iwaizumi want him to suffer?) were getting hostile yet. In fact, they were quite nice which was very concerning.

Oikawa had fashionably avoided Kageyama ever since this thing had started. Because simply thinking about that boy made his headache double. Perhaps he was imagining things, or maybe it's the lack of contact, who knows. He didn't respond to the boy for the last four days because he just couldn't.

So simply: thinking about Tobio hurt. This wasn't a problem before, and it absolutely terrifies him. He made a mistake of telling Iwaizumi.

Who was looking at him strangely now and Oikawa remembered he was being spoken to. He looked at Bokuto, who was looking at him blankly, and said dumbly: "Yes it's okay, good."

Bokuto raised an eyebrow, Iwaizumi scrunched his nose, and Oikawa registered what he said a moment later. "I mean I'm fine. It's all good," he said adding a quick flashy smile that didn't reach his eyes.

They were doing some individual drills as a starting warm up, and Oikawa spent the time letting out his frustration by practicing his monster serve. He knew Kageyama was looking, but the boy stayed away, he was also keeping on his own side of the court. Which made the brunette feel incredibly annoyed. He ignored the feeling, and pretended he was annoyed at his miscalculation of his landing.

He didn't know what to think of this. He's been having constant headaches and his heart felt heavy as well. Lately, he's been noticing he's also getting a bit frustrated. He's been jumpy and easily riled up, which is in a complete contrast to his usual behaviour.

The pills the doctor gave him weren't working either. He's almost out of them, and it's been barely a week since he got the prescription.

"You sure?" Bokuto said, tilting his head to the side. He reminded Oikawa of some weird bird with those wide yellow eyes and strange white and black hair. He's been looking strangely at him ever since he loudly introduced himself to Oikawa, but he didn't especially concern him.

His soulmate was Akaashi, a boy with similar blue eyes as Kageyama. He was rather pretty, and their bond was so obvious that Oikawa wanted to scream. It showed in the way Bokuto suddenly calmed down, seconds before erupting in a whole breakdown. A single glance from this guy with pretty blue eyes was all it took. There was also this soft warmth he could see, and Oikawa wanted to get as far away from them as possible.

He could tell they knew it was him. It was obvious in the dark glimmer in Bokuto's eyes, and the calculating look in Akaashi's eyes. But they didn't say anything, and Akaashi seemed like he wouldn't personally start a fight.

It was Bokuto's friend that kept Oikawa on the lookout. Kuro Testuro. He has that scheming smile playing on his lips, and he looks like he'd start shit for fun. If Oikawa were to describe him with a mean touch, he'd say he looks like an arsonist.

It was also easy to tell, that that guy is already bonded. Him and a small setter had that strange aura, and it was obvious in their body language. The setter looked a bit shy, or perhaps just not interested in conversation, but he was always close to Kuro. Oikawa could tell there was something else going on, because they had that strange presence. They both looked at him with a soul piercing gaze, and those two freak him out.

He once thought the worst that he's going to have on his plate is Daichi and Sugawara's rage, but those four?

Oikawa might just start writing his will.

He could tell that those seven fuckers had been talking. That they have something going on because Oikawa might be nursing a head splitting headache, but he's not blind. Those guys are not as subtle as they think they are.

And same goes for Shrimpy, who's been staring daggers at him ever since he stepped into the gym. He's not scared of him though, because one carefully aimed jump serve and that guy'd get a concussion like never before. And a broken nose. Or maybe if he-

God damn it. What is he thinking?

He blinked back at Bokuto, ignoring Kageyama's glare. It probably looked really strange how he didn't say anything to him yet. And perhaps, that's why Daichi and Iwaizumi are sending each other those looks over the gym.

Who cares, Oikawa's head hurts way too much for this.

"Yes, I'm fine," Oikawa said trying his best to sound civil. Akaashi didn't look so violent, but he'd bet that he wouldn't hesitate to spike his ball in Oikawa's face if he'd be too mean to Bokuto.

"Ay, so if you're good," Bokuto said, an excited glimmer back in his yellow eyes. He twirled a ball in his hands, and Oikawa smiled tiredly. He knew what he's going to say before he said it, "Would you mind tossing to me? Heard you're the best, so let me see ay?"

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. "A? You dare doubt me?"

Bokuto laughed loudly, even though Oikawa didn't make a joke. What a weirdo. "I would never! I'm just saying gotta spike a good set with my own hands to know y'know?"

He arched an eyebrow along with that, and Oikawa forced himself to forget about his pains and regrets for a moment. Because Bokuto is one of the top three aces in the country, and he'd be damned, if wasn't going to set for him. He remembers watching his games, the guy is definitely worth his name, but those mood swings? Oikawa wouldn't have the patience Akaashi has.

"Alright," Oikawa said, nodding. That was a considerably bad idea, because he felt like his brains took a dive. And that hurt.

 "Let's go then. Show me what you got," he said.

Bokuto whooped in excitement, ran up to Akaashi to give him a high five, before running up to the net. Oikawa looked at the younger boy, to see him smile fondly. And an ugly feeling of something dark twisted his gut, but he blinked it away. He doesn't have time for that.

Bokuto was a goddamn maniac, with the stamina of a beast.

Oikawa was impressed with him, definitely. But the guy was so energetic, Oikawa felt like throwing up. Or maybe that didn't have anything to do with the boy. Maybe that was just him, and the fact he's been pushing Kageyama away for a week with no explanation, and the sight of two happily bonded soulmates made his stomach twist.

Or maybe, it's -

"Alright, that's enough for now," Oikawa said tiredly after setting for God knows what time.

The rest of the boys were lazily tossing to each other, and some of them were even laying on the floor doing nothing.

In terms of practicing, this weekend was starting horribly.

"Ayo, why?" Bokuto pouted, and Oikawa felt a violent urge to scream again.

He's going to burst any time now. His frustration and anger were growing with each minute, with each toss. He's been getting angry for no reason, because he found Bokuto cool. Honestly, the guy is definitely someone Oikawa wouldn't fear to have a drink with, but that frustration of his was making him want to do something violent.

He sighed audibly, but before he could say anything, Akaashi was helpful enough to come forward and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Bokuto-san, you tired him out. And Oikawa-san must be careful not to strain himself, because of his injury, remember?"

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. The hell?

Bokuto looked confused. "What? Injury what are you -" he turned to look at his soulmate, who returned the look. A couple of seconds passed, and Oikawa had no doubt they were doing some soulmate voodoo.

Wow even his thoughts are getting majorly worse and annoying by the minute.

"Ah! I know what you mean!" Bokuto yelled. "Why didn't you say something dude? Can't have you fainting on us."

Oikawa's face blanked. A cold emotionless mask fell over his face, and his eyes darkened. Because this was exactly why he didn't want to be here. They were checking things, subtly trying to get something out of him, but he'd be damned if-

Well, fuck. He's been screwing up this whole day basically.

It was like something shifted, because Oikawa could clearly feel some electric tension in the air. Perhaps it was because he was looking at Akaashi and Bokuto with that dead look of his. He's been told that it doesn't look exactly the kindest, and honestly that's what Oikawa was going for at the moment.

It looked like it was working, if the way Akaashi's cold eyes widened a friction, as he subtly moved behind Bokuto are any indication. The guy also looked at him like he was ready to pounce.

And boy, Oikawa was ready to deliver some bruises.

"Whatever do you mean by that, Bokuto-san," he said, his voice dropping to a deathly tone.

Bokuto slowly looked at Akaashi, who was already looking at him. They were looking a bit spooked, if not frightened. They were definitely silently communicating with each other. And the bubbles of Oikawa's anger might burn someone.

He narrowed his eyes, effectively amplifying his death glare. Bokuto looked his way again, brows furrowed, as he stepped sideways, covering Akaashi with his body.

The boy raised a hand, as if he was dealing with a wild beast. Oikawa never felt more insulted.

"We didn't…" Akaashi nudged Bokuto's back. The boy shook his head. "I mean no, we mean um… your ankle?"

Oikawa was definitely ready to break some noses.

Chapter Text

"Why does it have to be me though?" Bokuto whined, for the third time. Akaashi sighed.

Kuroo turned to him, grinning widely, as he flicked Bokuto's forehead. "Because you look stupid, and he won't suspect at all."

That didn't calm Bokuto at all. If anything, it only made him more worked up, and he roared as he tackled Kuroo. Akaashi and Kenma shared a look of mutual disappointment, and let their significant others tackle each other like two immature kids.

If he remembers correctly, this was Iwaizumi's plan. And promptly, Bokuto thought it was stupid as hell. Because firstly, he does not want to meddle in other people's business. He wants to help Kageyama, sure. But he'd rather do it from the side-lines, because these people can't expect him to be a ball of sunshine in the presence of such a bastard.

He had said so out loud and Akaashi agreed with him (silently of course. In contrast to him, the guy knows when to be quiet). Iwaizumi looked tempted to punch him but refrained from doing so. He said that Oikawa was trying to fix what he did, but if you ask Bokuto, that's some bullshit.

Because how is that possible? There's no way that guy has any remorse or conscience after his actions. Because you have to be sane enough, to actually declare you want your soulmate out of the way before they even get to be marked. That's something someone really cruel and vicious would do and Bokuto just hates these kinds of monsters.

Naturally, he was ultra-sceptical, and he tried to get himself out until it was practically too late, and he was already pushed in Oikawa's direction. Which wouldn't be so bad, because hello? One of the upcoming rising stars? And a setter of all things? If the guy wasn't such a jerk, Bokuto wouldn't think twice about asking him to toss to him.

"Try to be subtle," Iwaizumi whispered to him, even though the Karasuno second years were yelling, making it practically impossible for anyone to hear them. "He must not figure out you're trying to question him, cause if he'll suspect he won't say shit. And we're back at square one."

Bokuto noticed how Oikawa was very fucking obviously avoiding Kageyama. Which was already suspicious, because this whole weekend was in their group chat literally titled: Oikawa and Kageyama bonding time.

And yet, Oikawa is avoiding Kageyama like a plague. And the younger one knew that, because it showed on his angry face. Kenma said he can feel it, that they're both getting angry and frustrated.

"Don't rile him up, Bokuto-san," quietly said Kenma. "It won't end nicely."

"What do you mean by that?" Bokuto frowned. Everyone was saying such absurd things lately he feels like he's speaking different language.

"Don't be as annoying as you usually are," Kuroo supplied, cackling like a damn hyena.

Bokuto's eyes twitched. Akaashi felt he was going to do something violent, and he tried reaching for him, but Bokuto was already moving.

"Sorry for this Kenma," he said before he packed a punch in Kuroo's stomach with such brutal force the boy stumbled backwards a few steps.

Kenma winced, because he felt the faint echo of the impact. Since Kuroo and Bokuto often tackled each other, and sometimes punched each other due some stupid things, Kenma and Akaashi learned to block part of their bond, the physical factor for that moment. Because they're all already fully bonded, they can't actually tell their own pain aside from their soulmate's.

Which is not good in cases like this.

However, he was thrown into the lion's cave anyway. Luckily Akaashi followed him without question, so the chance of him fucking up were quite low.

It started okay, with Bokuto cautiously approaching him with a stationary: "Hey man you good?" type of an approach.

'Real subtle Bokuto-san,' Akaashi's voice softly ringed in his head.

'Be quiet, like you have any better idea,' Bokuto sent his own thoughts to Akaashi. The boy was practically hiding behind his back, so what's he being loud for?

He'd say he was doing fine, but Oikawa definitely wasn't. It was obvious he had a hard time, and Bokuto had a great solution for that. And that solution came in form of Kageyama because fuck that! They were soulmates for fuck's sake, and they were both getting angrier with each minute, and Bokuto knows exactly why. Yet, all the did was stare angrily at each other over the gym, like they had a fight or something, and Bokuto knows they didn't.

He knows Oikawa is trying to fix things on his own, like the idiot he is. Or, maybe, he's not actually trying at all. Maybe he's just doing this to keep Kageyama weak, so he can't compete on the Nationals, because he's angry that he didn't get to play, and honestly that sounds -

'Bokuto-san that's not -'

'Yo bro we said subtle the fuck is wrong with you?'

Two voices ended his angry stream of his wordless thoughts. He didn't know he was getting that worked up over something that's not even his business, but holy shit. He said he doesn't like this, so they can't blame him.

Was he thinking that loud?

'Bokuto-san, stay calm,' Akaashi's voice brushed his mind.

'I am fucking calm', he thought, as he spiked another ball Oikawa had set for him. The guy didn't seem to notice how hard he was slamming the balls across the court. Luckily.

'And Kuroo, you shut the fuck up.'

Meanwhile Akaashi was his soulmate, he had a connection with Kuroo as well. Which was very funny to him. He thought there were only two people able to make that kind of bond, but the soul is probably way more complicated than just that. He's not in a romantic relationship with Kuroo or anything, but he's like another link to his mind. A platonic soulmate is what they're calling it.

This stuff freaked him out at first, but Kuroo wasn't even surprised. The guy kept scaring the shit out of him, as he projected his demonic hyena laugh into Bokuto's mind at very inappropriate times. Such as three fucking am, when the guy was trying to sleep peacefully.

The acknowledgement of this platonic link made everything a bit more complicated. Because the dimension of their bond is not frequent, and today he might catch some of Kuroo's feelings, but tomorrow he's going to feel if Kuroo busts his elbow. It's annoying, but Kuroo thinks it's funny.

Kenma and Akaashi don't have the platonic link directly to each other. It's more of an aftermath of Bokuto and Kuroo's bond.

But this platonic bond is not nearly as strong as the bond he has with Akaashi. They have their tattoos on the insides of their left elbows, and since it's been two years since they've bonded, and sealed it, the marks are coloured in a pretty light blue shade. It's the same shade as Akaashi's eyes, and Bokuto thinks that's neat as hell.

What's also funny, is the way his bond with Kuroo is not visible. Like, it's not marked, and Bokuto was confused as hell, when he suddenly heard Kuroo's creepy laugh in his head. He was sure he was losing his mind for three weeks, because Kuroo said he didn't hear anything.

He was lying of course. He was making fun of Bokuto, and the guy returned the favour later.

'Listen man, I get it, that this is pissing you off, but he's onto you,' Kuroo's voice ringed in his head.

Bokuto glared at him over his shoulder. The guy arched an eyebrow.

'Like Hell he is. He's onto us all you fucker.'

But unfortunately, it wasn't him to blame for the slip up. Akaashi said something out loud, that he shouldn't, and Oikawa's whole demeanour changed. He was looking at them, with a dark glare in his eyes, and Bokuto felt like he was being threatened. He stepped forward to keep Akaashi out of the way.

They shouldn't have mentioned the injury. That seemed to be the switch that flicked Oikawa's smiley face off. But honestly Bokuto thought he was doing good. He wasn't just blabbering random stuff, he was testing out the waters, and he thought Oikawa might say something on his own, if he tires him out a bit.

Akaashi was aware of that, but he promptly forgot to warn Bokuto that was definitely the wrong approach. He laid his hand on Bokuto's back, but that did little to comfort him.

"I mean no, we mean um… your ankle?"

Oikawa looked like he was going to do something violent and Bokuto tensed his muscles or instinct. He said he doesn't want to take part in this, and now he's going to have to fight? Come on, Bokuto doesn't want to get physical for fuck's sake

'You shouldn't have said that.'

'You started it, don't patronise me. I said I want no part in this so-'

'Don't fight him.'

He suddenly felt a bit suffocating. His soul mark tingled uncomfortably, and he took another step back to Akaashi. This was getting out of hand. They always think he's an idiot or something, but he made some pretty valid arguments why they should not meddle. Bokuto is so going to slap Kuroo for pushing him into this.

Oikawa was still glaring coldly. His eyes looked dead yet vicious at the same time, and Bokuto hoped Iwaizumi or Daichi were seeing this, and that they were on their way to fucking do something, because Bokuto will punch without holding back.

"My ankle you say?" Oikawa said his voice still cold. Bokuto could hear him loudly and clearly, despite several balls were slammed around the gym floor.

"Yeah, isn't that like," Bokuto waved his hands around, trying to force himself to be carelessly carefree like he usually is. Akaashi sent his calmness over their bond with his tender touch on Bokuto's shoulder blades. "Permanent, issue?"

Oikawa's face was a dangerous blank mask. Bokuto forced himself to smile.

"It's more of a phantom pain," Oikawa said slowly. "It's not like it doesn't hurt, but I can feel it at the same time."

The brunette arched an eyebrow. "If you know what I mean." 

'Oh.'

Bokuto pursed his lips. Everyone was fucking insane today, he can't comprehend all of this. But apparently Akaashi understood.

"Got it. So, you're cool with more tosses or...?"

He was still instinctively keeping Akaashi behind his back as he said that. Oikawa barely blinked, as he observed him silently. The tingle in Bokuto's soul mark got a bit more uncomfortable and he felt a wild urge to scratch it.

It still felt like there was a big red exclamation mark alarming in Oikawa's head, because he wasn't relaxing yet. He still looked tense and on edge. He narrowed his eyes, taking a breath to say something, when suddenly a ball flied above Oikawa's head and Kageyama came clumsily stumbling after it.

The change in Oikawa's face was almost instant, and the dangerous tingle in Bokuto's elbow was also gone. The setter's face got softer, his eyes lost that deathly glimmer, and his shoulders relaxed.

Bokuto looked at Akaashi to confirm if he saw it as well. The boy returned his gaze, as he tilted his head. So, he also saw it.

Kageyama grumbled as he picked up his ball. "Ah sorry, Tanaka-san is very energetic," he said lamely.

Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. "So, it happens."

It was a bit awkward, like those two didn't know what to do with themselves, and Jesus Christ, Bokuto doesn't want to be here. He can't have a normal conversation with either of them, without getting a violent urge to cry or scream. They were doing that thing again, with stares over the gym, except now, the anger had cleared. And that was one of the possible signs they were looking for, to see if Oikawa really was trying to fix things.

There was a hint of a something gentle on Oikawa's face, and Kageyama didn't look so angry anymore, as he asked them if they're up for a match before lunch. Bokuto agreed loudly, breaking back into his overly excited energetic self. Akaashi followed his suit and Bokuto didn't miss the way he was still closely sticking to him. Oikawa sent him a blank look over the net, and Bokuto resisted his urge to snarl.

'Say what you want,' he thought out loud, letting Akaashi, Kuroo and consequently Kenma hear him. 'But I don't buy it.'

Chapter Text

Sugawara saw the whole thing unfold. To say he was a bit conflicted and concerned, would be an understatement. Never before had he seen Bokuto so frustrated. He looked genuinely angry, and he knows the boy didn't like the situation at all. Sugawara also wasn't thrilled upon this, and he had some violence reserved for Oikawa. But he doesn't want Kageyama to be hurt in the long run, so this painfully awkward bridge had to be crossed.

He spared Daichi a blank stare, and the captain understood without many words being needed. He nodded in acknowledgement.

Iwaizumi didn't seem to be that bothered; despite the fact he was standing right there beside Oikawa. That guy wasn't holding back at all, and Sugawara didn't like that. That just makes it worse, since they'd been limiting Kageyama's play time. They were being careful, since this stuff is no joke. He felt the younger boy's eyes angrily aimed at him and Daichi, and considering what Tsukishima told him-

He's not surprised.

Tsukishima was also informed about all of this, because he was also concerned. He didn't visibly show it, but it was obvious in the way he kept subtly checking on Kageyama and giving Daichi and Sugawara updates. He'd also told him about Hinata.

That was another thing, which could cause commotion.

Tsukishima pulled Sugawara aside, a week after Kageyama was discharged. Yamaguchi came along, the freckled boy a nervous wreck, and Sugawara knew something bad was coming.

"Does Hinata know?" the blonde asked, cutting straight to the point.

Sugawara didn't bother to play an idiot. "Doubt it, since he's not bonded, and he surely doesn't understand what happened and me and Daichi decided not to tell him. As far as I know, he shouldn't know. Why?"

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima, who let a silent curse slip past his lips. Sugawara arched an eyebrow. "Why Tsukishima?"

"I have a reason to doubt that" the blonde said, his tone bitter. "I don't know how, but that idiot is aware of something, and that might compromise His Majesty."

Sugawara noticed that. He told Daichi about it, but Daichi was doubtful about that. It was a bit painful to look, but it was obvious Hinata felt something for Kageyama. The fate is a cruel madam.

"You think he might -"

"Purposely sabotage Oikawa-san?" Tsukishima finished Sugawara's sentence. He looked at Sugawara with dead eyes. "I wouldn't put it past him."

Sugawara had been on the lookout, and it pained him how right Tsukishima was. He didn't let the boy know he knows, but he did make an effort to try and keep Hinata around, so he wouldn't let anything spill. If anyone's going to tell Kageyama the truth, it's going to be Oikawa himself.

He was looking at the small spiker now, and he definitely didn't like the expression on his face. He had told Iwaizumi about him, that he might be an issue, and it felt like he was stabbing someone in the back. He doesn't want either of the boys to hurt, but it's not Hinata's name on Kageyama's hip, and that's how it unfortunately is.

"Ay, this is not going well," he said to Daichi, with a wide smile on his face.

When they were solo practicing for a while Kageyama was staring daggers at his soulmate. He was angry, Kenma said he could feel it, and Oikawa was frustrated as well. It was annoying, because those who were unaware of the situation, were practicing like normal. Nishinoya was yelling and rolling the thunder, while Asahi tried to get him to actually play with him. But there was this suffocating uncomfortable tingling in the air, and Sugawara hated this.

They planned on getting them to at least speak, yet all they did was stare at each other angrily.

Well anger wasn't the only emotion in the brown and blue eyes, but those two are not ready for that conversation.

Sugawara doesn't know what happened, because apparently, after their visit to the doctor, Oikawa stopped responding. Kageyama said he sent him some texts, and the guy promptly ignored.

Why? Iwaizumi didn't know either. In fact, Sugawara thinks Oikawa isn't sure that was the right approach either. But he wasn't there at the check-up. So, he doesn't know.

"Don't I know it," Daichi said, looking through the window. He was also getting a bit frustrated with the situation.

Sugawara glanced at the four of them, consisting of Bokuto, Oikawa, Akaashi and Kageyama, playing two on two. Kageyama seems a bit happier, and that was a start.

"I'm kind of spooked," Sugawara said. "You felt that tingle, didn't you?"

Daichi smirked, but it lacked humour. "You have to ask?"

"Right," Sugawara responded. He was quiet for a moment, letting the sound of the boy’s voices and balls slamming the court fill in the silence. "So, what's our next move?"

"Ah," Daichi shrugged. "We can't force them to actually speak, because that'd only show Oikawa what we're doing, and he already looks a bit angry."

"But that couldn't be because we're meddling?"

"Like I said, I can't tell. Kenma can't tell either, but Kuroo told me Bokuto said he's onto us."

Sugawara looked around at the two boys. They were on the same side of the net, playing with no team effort. It was like they weren't actually playing together, but had the same thoughts in mind. They were moving around each other like a perfect combo, without any acknowledgment. Oikawa's face was void of his usual smile, and that wasn't a good sign.

Even if the boy sometimes faked it, it still seemed like he was fine.

The brunette turned to Sugawara in that moment, giving him a long blank stare. Sugawara held his gaze and smiled brightly waving at him. Oikawa blinked, and his lips twitched in a hint of a smile and that was it.

Sugawara felt that tingle in his soul mark again, and he shivered. The memories of that day were still haunting him at night sometimes, and he doesn't show it but he's actively terrified for Kageyama. What happened was a vicious and very cruel thing to do, and he himself didn't quite forgive Oikawa for it. If that happened to him, he definitely wouldn't just let it go.  He doesn't know what happened between them before, but for fuck's sake.

Kageyama was a child, and he still is. And Oikawa himself is none the wiser. He just wants to know how the hell did he manage to get the doctors to do that and how he convinced his parents to let him.

Nishinoya came running to them a moment later, with Tanaka in tow. Tanaka was bonded to Kyoko, and he also knows exactly what happened. This boy is definitely not planning to forgive and forget, and he's expressed some violent tendencies, despite appearing all supportive for Kageyama.

Needless to say, he's also enraged.

"Suga, I feel like I'm gonna throw up," Nishinoya yelled, his voice excited despite his words.

That was another bad sign.

Sugawara blinked. "What?"

"I'm gonna throw up, and it's not cause of rolling thunder. It's because of that ugly thing" Nishinoya said, still smiling.

Sugawara laughed like Nishinoya told a joke and patted the shorter boy's shoulder. "Don't mind Nishinoya. You just keep yourself occupied and leave them to it m'kay?"

Nishinoya's face blanked and Tanaka grumbled, visibly annoyed. Sugawara and Daichi discussed this with them, after Iwaizumi proposed the idea. They weren't up for it. Asahi was uncomfortably frowning most of the time.

"What happens if things go south?" Asahi asked.

"I won't hesitate to smack the shit out of Oikawa-san I don't care," Tanaka declared loudly.

Sugawara winced, Nishinoya gasped and looked at his classmate, baffled. "Yo dude! You hurt Oikawa you hurt Kageyama!"

Tsukishima snorted, humourlessly. "Not really. As far as I know, they're not at that stage."

That caused the Karasuno second years to grow quiet. They waited after their practice for Kageyama and Hinata to go home, before they sat down in the gym and did a quick overview. They didn't feel comfortable with keeping Hinata out of this, and thinking about it, they shouldn't have left him out, but every time they tried discussing this with him, the ginger got defensive.

Sugawara tried, but he wasn't getting anywhere. Hinata was too stubborn.

"Yes well," Tanaka said bitterly, the smile on his face looking cynical. "Whose fault is that?"

"Tanaka-" Daichi started with a warning, but the buzzed boy waved him off.

"No, no I don't get it and I never will. I wouldn't blame Kageyama for snapping and cutting him off as well."

"That's gonna kill him," Sugawara said quietly looking at Tanaka with a warning.

Tanaka huffed. "I know, it almost did."

"And that's the fucked-up part," Nishinoya said, curling into Asahi. Similar to Kenma, he could occasionally feel the tingles of the bonded people around him, and the painful tugs of the untied bonds. It happened irregularly and he wasn't able to control it, and he noticed that when Kageyama fainted in the gym.

He gets nauseated when he feels something that's not from Asahi. He didn't go to the doctors for it, because who knows what they might do.

So perhaps the Karasuno boys were at fault for the tense atmosphere in the gym. Sugawara didn't like the thought of that.

"So, what if Noya-san throws up now?" Tanaka said, his face smiling but his eyes were glimmering with violence. "We can't cover that up."

Daichi picked up a ball from the basket. "We really can't force this onto them, we already discussed it."

"No but we can let Kageyama know," Yamaguchi said quietly.

Daichi threw the ball in his direction, a cold smile on his face. "Absolutely not. Now go on, go back to practicing. Just because Iwaizumi proposed we keep an eye on them doesn't mean you guys suddenly don't have to practice. Go work on that pinch serve Yamaguchi."

They scattered back across the gym, but the heavy feeling still wasn't eased. Sugawara looked in Kageyama's direction. He wished there was a way he could help him more.

Daichi gently grabbed his hand and gave him a firm squeeze in silent understanding. Their hands were more or less tied.

Chapter Text

It was like the Karasuno Crows were staring daggers at him, and silently preyed upon his early death. That's how Oikawa felt through the first two days, and he couldn't do anything to stop that. If he avoided Kageyama altogether, his marks would tingle, but less painfully if he was around him.

Kageyama's classmates would glare a bit less, but they still looked at him with a violent glimmer in their eyes.

He knows what they were doing, but his head hurt way too much for him to care.

He had to double the number of pills he was taking so the pulsing pain eased a bit. Sure, it helped when Kageyama was nearby, but that's exactly what Oikawa was so fucking afraid of. This sudden dependence on the other link was exactly why he did what he did two years ago. Why he went through with that painful procedure, because being dependable on somebody else, is the last thing he needs and wants.

He's going to be held back by this, and he absolutely hates that.

The pills should help, they were dulling his senses a bit, and he supposed it wasn't affecting him or their bond in any way.

Except that Kageyama also started looking at him funny across the net, and Bokuto and Akaashi were way too close. Sometime along the way, Iwaizumi went somewhere, and the two Fukurodani players started following him around. Kuroo and Kenma were tagging along the second day, and Oikawa felt extremely uncomfortable.

Kuroo was purposely pushing his buttons with that scheming smirk of his, and Kenma was looking at him intently, like he could see through.

That was terrifying.

But he indulged and he put on his very convincing smile, crooked with the constant pain he'd been feeling, and went along with them. He kept Kageyama at arm's length, not letting him close, but keeping an eye on the boy as well.

Yet, it did seem like he was doing that to avoid the younger.

He thought he had them fooled, but everything came tumbling down on him at dinner. He should have seen it coming honestly.

"To end the day, I propose we go for a light evening jog," Daichi said, over the rumbling of the other boys.

Oikawa was pushing rice around with his chopsticks, his headache still persistent. "I'll skip thank you."

A beat of silence passed, before Kindachi said, his voice hopeful: "So we don't have to? I'm not in the mood either -"

Before the boy could get excited that he won't have to go for a run, Oikawa leaned forward, with a sickening smile, to look at his kouhai. 

"Nah ah, I'm personally skipping. My ankle hurts. You, however," he pointed at the boy with his chopsticks. "Don't get to skip."

"But, wha-"

"Nah ah," Oikawa clicked his chopsticks repeatedly. The atmosphere was a bit more relaxed, since everyone was tired due to the constant drills. Still, the faint hostility was still in the air.

"Don't talk back to me child."

"Well, if Oikawa-san is not going, then I'm not going either," Kageyama declared casually. He wasn't even looking in the brunette's direction, as he casually stuffed a shrimp in his mouth.

Oikawa looked at the younger boy, face blank. He was aware of the way several pairs of eyes suddenly turned in his direction.

Great.

The tingle in his mark was back, but it wasn't so painful. It was like an annoying itch, and Oikawa barely suppressed his urge to scratch his ugly scars. Kageyama was sitting beside Kuroo, who was sitting directly across from him over the table. Which was definitely strange, because all the rest of the Karasuno boys were sitting at the other side of the table.

He knew why the guy sat there, and he pretended he was annoyed. He's not sure when he decided he's going to start being a jerk to Kageyama again, but it happened over night, in a blink of an eye.

His body didn't seem to violently protest against that, but headaches were a regular occurrence. Perhaps he was missing something.

He wasn't trying to compromise himself or anything, but as soon as he found himself smiling at his phone at something Kageyama said, he decided he's not going to do that. He thought that an eventual romantic relationship with Kageyama wouldn't be so bad, but the more he thought about it, the more his heart hurt, the more he started pressing the brakes.

Was he considered a coward for that? Kageyama never even hinted he wanted anything more than friendship, so why is he acting like this? Sure, he had thoughts, and he was disappointed, but for fuck's sake.

Did he overreact?

He was thinking of a proper, sarcastically rude thing to say, but before he could say anything that might get him punched, Hinata opened his stupid mouth and said loudly: "Bakayama! He's not even your captain! You can't just stay behind!"

Oikawa felt an irritated itch in his right hand. Like, he felt this violent urge to slap the younger across the face. It was never this bad before, yet something about that small guy made him feel violent.

He supposed that was because of that little detail Kageyama let slip once, few weeks ago. How it seems that the little shit knows something he definitely fucking shouldn't, and his angry eyes only confirmed that.

Kageyama glared at Hinata over the table. Oikawa was a bit surprised by the anger in his blue eyes. He was usually the one the younger directed those eyes at. "Shut up stupid. No one asked for your input!"

"Blah! You're not allowed to stay behind!" Hinata barked back. 

Daichi surprisingly stayed quiet as he simply arched an eyebrow. He sent a quick, meaningful glance in Sugawara's way, before he looked blankly at Oikawa. Like he was daring him to say something, and the brunette answered with narrowed eyes.

What was he playing at?

"I can if I want to!" Kageyama growled then and flicked a shrimp in Hinata's direction. It wasn't a slap, but it'll do.

"No, you can't! How is that fair?"

"You fucking idiot, can you be quiet? So annoying," Kageyama grumbled, his voice practically dripping with irritation.

"You're an idiot! Grand King is not even your captain so you're the dumb one!"

"Oh my God Hinata shut the fuck up," Tsukishima hissed, his eyes matching the irritated angry expression on Kageyama's face.

In fact, if Oikawa looked closely, he'd see that all of the Karasuno team, and the four from Tokyo, were matching the dark expression. Iwaizumi was also glaring at the small player.

Oikawa was very much confused upon the situation. Wasn't Hinata supposed to be Kageyama's best friend? He knows those two were arguing about petty little things Kageyama had told him, but… this seemed way too personal all of a sudden.

Also, Kageyama was very angry, because Oikawa could feel it. It was pulsing in his temples, making him see red.

He himself felt irritated, so the sudden violent wave of pain was normal.

Right?

"Why? It's not fair!" Hinata still didn't seem to let go, and Tsukishima glared harder. Daichi's face darkened, and Oikawa subconsciously leaned backwards. That was a scary expression on the Karasuno's captain's face.

Tanaka flicked Hinata's forehead, hard, as he hissed through gritted teeth, with a strained smile on his face: "Read the room, would you?"

Heavy silence wrapped around the room. Kageyama looked at Oikawa, quietly. The brunette returned the glance without much thought. He supposed it's too late to suddenly declare he's going, because truth be told, he doesn't want to be alone with the guy any time soon. He's going to ask why, and Oikawa doesn't have an answer.

A good one of course.

He can't tell him he doesn’t want to depend on him. How pathetic would that look?

Besides, Bokuto is observing him, and he knows that if he backs out now, that guy will know something's off. And Oikawa doesn't want to give him any more reason to hover above him.

"An evening run sounds great," Sugawara broke the silence, smiling at Daichi. "If Oikawa-san thinks he can't go, that's okay, but I do think the rest of us should go."

"What about Kageyama?" Hinata said stubbornly.

Kageyama sighed. Oikawa pursed his lips, looking away.

"I think he can skip this time," Daichi said slowly. He looked at the younger boy. "He shouldn't be straining himself either way, and he's been pretty active today. So, I give him a pass."

Oikawa saw Kuroo nod to himself. It was like they had it all planned out. Like a stage play or something. Bokuto looked at him, obviously waiting for him to say something. Akaashi wasn't that subtle either, and Oikawa sighed deeply.

"So, Kageyama stays with Oikawa," Kuroo said. Tilting his head to the side, that stupid smile on his face. "If that's okay with the Grand King of course."

Oikawa rubbed his aching temples. He really should have seen something like this coming.

"That's perfectly fine with me," he said, curving his lips in a smile, before he looked at Kageyama and pointed at him with his chopsticks. "However, don't get ahead of yourself and think I'll show you my serve or something."

Kageyama blinked. "How did you know -"

Oikawa rolled his brown eyes. Wow, even that simple motion hurt. "How, he asks. Come on Tobio-chan you're not as subtle as you think you are."

Kageyama was quiet for a split second, as he just cutely stared at Oikawa. That bastard.

"What about a toss then?"

"Absolutely not," Oikawa said shaking his head.

"But why not? That's some great time for me to improve and you to… well improve as well?" Kageyama said.

Oikawa could vividly feel him cringe.

"What part of 'my ankle hurts' don't you understand?" Oikawa said, arching an eyebrow. He failed to notice the way their whole interaction was being carefully observed.

Kageyama raised his eyebrows, looking at Oikawa with a funny look. "A? That's a lie though."

Oikawa blinked. It was true it was a lie. He just didn't want to go for a run, and it wasn't  his ankle that hurt. And Kageyama outing him like that just made him look bad again.

Great.

"Like Hell it is. How do you know?" Oikawa asked, leaning over the table.

Kageyama also leaned closer to him, like he was the opposite pole of the magnet. "I can tell."

"Like Hell you can," Oikawa whispered, narrowing his eyes.

Kageyama nodded. "I can actually. I realised that today. I can also tell that you're having a very bad headache at the moment."

"And yet, you dare ask me to do sport activities with you?" Oikawa clicked his tongue. He didn't miss the way Kageyama's eyes dropped to his lips for a second.

Oh shit, he was too close.

"So insensitive Tobio-chan. You wound me."

"Likewise," Kageyama said.

Oikawa held the eye contact for an intense second. Kageyama stared back bravely, not daring to look away. The rest of the people were definitely looking, Daichi was definitely observing and no doubt that Kuroo was scrutinising as well.

So, he endured, ignoring the way Kageyama's intense glare mirrored the pressure building up in his temples. The pressure building up his… nose?

"Touché," he said lamely after a moment.

Kageyama's eyes widened then, and Oikawa felt it happen before Kenma loudly pointed it out.

"Oikawa-san, your nose is bleeding."

Oikawa slowly raised his hand, wiping the thick liquid from underneath his nose. Definitely not liking the way his fingers came away painted with deep red.

This was definitely not a good sign.

He stood up from the table, and promptly left the room in a hurry, to get his pills. He was letting his guard down and it hurt. Perhaps because this was how it was actually supposed to be. A harmless banter, simple stupid jokes, yet he was always supplying something vicious with his words.

Maybe he shouldn't have put up that barrier those weeks ago. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten so damn scared.

He cursed silently to himself, as he noticed he had only four pills left. He dryly swallowed two and went to splash his face with cold water. His headache was a bit more bearable but knowing Kageyama could feel it-

He glared at himself in the mirror. How much pressure can he handle?

Chapter Text

"You know I'm very angry actually," Kageyama said, after five dreadful minutes of silence.

He was a bit spooked at the way Oikawa just fucking fled the room, and he felt a bit bad because he shouldn't have said that so out in the open with Kuroo and Bokuto right there. He knows Oikawa had been feeling very uncomfortable ever since this started, but whose fault is that?

He thought they were doing okay. And all of a sudden, his texts are ignored, and he's been put on hold. He was actually so happy to see Oikawa was also here this weekend and that bastard had been obviously ignoring him since the start.

And not so subtly avoiding him as well.

Hinata said something rude, and Kageyama felt bad for agreeing. Because honestly what was that about? The doctor said quality time, and Oikawa pretended he didn't hear that. Was that the problem? Was he still silently resenting him? Because that wasn't a problem before, it's like something clicked and Oikawa was back in his jerk mode.

Looking at him with cold brown eyes, and that cynical smile, which made him shiver.

Needless to say, Kageyama was beyond scared, but he decided to be angry instead. Because there was nothing to be scared of. Oikawa said he doesn't want to cut him off, that he's willing to fix this bond, so no reason to be spooked.

He won't lie to himself tho. His eyesight was suspiciously blurry the next morning. Sugawara gave him a hug, Tsukishima said some words to him, but Oikawa went passed him without sparing him a glance. His soul mark twitched.

"Angry?" Oikawa repeated, voice damp. They'd taken a walk outside, and the cold air of late February felt good against Kageyama's flushed cheeks.

"Raging even, bet you can tell," Kageyama said darkly. He didn't miss the way Oikawa's face twitched with a bitter emotion.

Ha. Serves him right.

"What are you being angry for a?" Oikawa asked feigning ignorance. Kageyama felt like he was being riled up on purpose. "If you wanted to go for a run, you could you know. Don't blame me."

"That's not what I'm talking about, Oikawa-san," Kageyama said, his steps slowing. Oikawa didn't seem to notice, as he kept on walking. "And you know that."

"Hm? Enlighten me," the brunette said, with an annoying tone and Kageyama's face flushed again. He was making fun of him.

He didn't say anything, letting his anger boil, trying to project it into physical pain for Oikawa. He hoped, the guy could feel it, like a raging headache, like a heartburn. That he could feel it in every possible painful way because he was being an absolute asshole with no real justification. He knew Oikawa was in pain, and he felt bad about it before. However, now, he doesn't feel any remorse.

Oikawa stumbled, and Kageyama smirked. So, his projecting worked.

The older boy turned to him, looking at him angrily and oh boy, that made Kageyama even more pissed off.

"Tobio stop that," Oikawa said, his voice low and threatening.

Kageyama arched an eyebrow. His soul mark was starting to hurt, but he ignored the scorching pain. "Huh? I'm not doing anything Oikawa-san."

"Tobio, don't fucking-" Oikawa groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. A pained expression crossed his face, before he glared at Kageyama. "Is that how you want this to go?"

"I don't, but it seems like you do," Kageyama said then, taking a step closer. Oikawa stood on the spot. "Because I thought we were on the same page here."

The brunette stayed quiet, and Kageyama's anger started rising again. "You just started ignoring me all of a sudden with no explanation whatsoever, after all that shit you said about wanting to fix this? Practically doing the opposite?"

"That's not-" Oikawa started, but Kageyama didn't let him. He took another step towards Oikawa.

"No! It is! I thought we were making progress, and then you just fucking -"  Kageyama said. He ended his sentence with a scream, because he didn't have other way to show Oikawa his frustration. The boy looked at him funny, but Kageyama didn't really care. Because he is going to say what he wants to say, and that bastard is going to listen.

"I'm angry because you've been doing nothing but ignoring and avoiding me," he said angrily. Projecting his emotional pain into Oikawa, now willingly and openly. He knew it was working because he could see it in the way the older clenched his jaw. "This whole weekend, it was supposed to be quality time, and yet you avoid me like a plague. I noticed."

"I did not -"

Kageyama stepped closer. He was now standing close to Oikawa the tips of their boots were touching. He was tempted to step on Oikawa's toes for a moment, but that'd be too childish, right?

"You barely looked at me," Kageyama said, letting himself sound sad now. "Fuck you Oikawa-san. You said you're going to be serious."

Oikawa regained some of his composure and glared down at Kageyama. His face was so close, his lips temptingly close to Kageyama's and the boy had a wild, violet thought to lean even closer.

"I am serious Tobio-chan," Oikawa said, his voice dropping low. "Don't worry about that."

Kageyama wanted to touch Oikawa. All this time, he'd been thinking about that time in the hospital, when Oikawa held him close and didn't let go. The way his arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to feel that again. He wanted to hug Oikawa so bad, he started feeling angry about it. It wasn’t that he was craving a hug from just anyone, because he tried that. He asked Sugawara, Hinata and even Daichi for a hug.

But each one made him feel worse.

He wants to hug Oikawa, his stupid soulmate and no one else. Is that really too much to ask?

He didn't think Oikawa would appreciate him suddenly tackling him, so he settled on a poorly aimed punch in the older boy's arm.

"Then stop fucking around and pay attention to me!" Kageyama growled.

"Ow, ow ow, Holy fuck Tobio!" Oikawa whimpered, rubbing his arm, where he's been punched. The younger might have put a bit too much of his frustration into that violent impact.

"I didn't fucking… Jesus," Oikawa mumbled. "I wasn't planning on doing this whole ignorance thing, okay?"

Kageyama shuffled backwards, crossing his arms over his chest. He was curious to hear what stupid excuse the older setter had to give him.

Oikawa sighed. "I just spiralled my thoughts in the wrong direction, okay? I don't intend to hurt you, or purposely try to sabotage us. I'm not suicidal."

Kageyama knew that much. But Oikawa wasn't telling him everything. What caused all of this? Why didn't he say anything to him? Is it because he's younger? Or does he think he's stupid and not able to comprehend?

Kageyama decided he's going to let Oikawa off the hook for now. He's got his own way to make that bastard talk anyway.

"Tomorrow," Kageyama said, stepping closer again. He leaned forward, tilting his head sideways, to look straight into Oikawa's brown eyes. "You give me your undivided attention."

Oikawa stared back at him, lips slightly parted. He blinked once, twice and Kageyama could see the flush on his checks. Good to know he has the same effect on Oikawa, as that bastard has on him.

"Am I clear?"

Oikawa sighed then, a smile forming on his lips, as he arched a nonchalant eyebrow. He leaned over Kageyama, dropping his face impossibly closer, as he said, his tone incredibly soft: "Of course. I'm all. yours tomorrow Tobio-chan."

A moment had passed between them, when Kageyama's urge to press his lips against Oikawa's ridiculously handsome face had returned. And he knew that the other boy could feel it too, so he settled on another punch, this time in Oikawa's stomach, making the boy double over in pain.

Unfortunately, he felt that as well, but he proudly turned around and called out lamely:

"That's a promise!"

"What, is promising things going to be our thing now?" Oikawa yelled after him after a moment. Kageyama wasn't walking that fast, he didn't want to get away from the older boy anyway.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking down at his shoes, willing the violent colour on his cheeks to vanish. How embarrassing, it would be, if Oikawa could hear him thinking. He definitely felt the intensity of his urges, but luckily, he couldn't tell of what.

Screw that, he practically begged every God he knew of, that Oikawa couldn't tell he was thinking about violently kissing him. Is that even normal? Is he feeling like this, because of the stories about soulmates, or is he actually -

A light flick of fingers to his forehead brought him out of his strange daze. He blinked, to see Oikawa very fucking close again.

"Huh?"

"What's up with you Tobio-chan?" Oikawa asked softly all of a sudden, like they weren't angry with each other five minutes ago. Like nothing happened, like it was perfectly normal, for the two of them to walk around in this freezing evening. Like it was perfectly normal for Kageyama to think about kissing Oikawa on repeat ever since that bastard started looking at him and holy fuck-

"Me? What's up with you!" he said, making himself sound annoying. Oikawa's eye twitched, like he knew he was doing that on purpose.

As if.

"Your nose was bleeding before, what's that about?" Kageyama asked. That was also frightening as hell. He didn't think it was from Oikawa being injured.

Oikawa blinked, and his face changed again. An emotionless mask Kageyama fucking hates concealed his face, as he said coldly:  "Oh that? That's nothing. It happens sometimes."

If he wanted to calm him down, he really didn't fucking succeed.

"It happened more than once?" Kageyama asked alarmed. "Like, is it a regular occurrence?"

"No…" Oikawa drawled slowly. He was looking strangely at Kageyama, like he was the weird one. "It's fine I don't know why you're being so spooked about it"

"So, it's not because of me?" Kageyama asked.

Oikawa's face scrunched again. "Why the fuck -"

"Like the bond, is what I meant," Kageyama said lamely. Was he asking too many questions? But he just couldn't help himself after that unexplained radio silence.

Oikawa looked away from him, and casually shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think so. I can't tell. but it's nothing worth worrying over so much." He looked back up at Kageyama. "Don't think about it too much, okay?"

Kageyama nodded in affirmation. But the image of a dark drop of blood slowly dropping over Oikawa's lips was vivid, and he can't just forget it happened. Especially after realising he'd noticed, because he was looking at the boy's lips in the first place. His face flushed in embarrassment, which might have carried over the bond, because Oikawa laughed quietly. It wasn't a heartfelt, but it was a giggle, and Kageyama felt a bit better.

He ignored the way his soul mark tingled uncomfortably.

Chapter Text

"So, what are your thoughts?" Kuroo asked Kenma on the last day of their wannabe training weekend. Their plan was going rather horribly, especially because Hinata was definitely up to something. Kuroo didn't know he wasn't aware, and he doesn't think that was a good idea on Daichi's part.

Kenma told him that he's feeling rather strange about him.

"It's strange," his soulmate responded softly. They were sitting on the bench, because Kenma didn't feel like playing anymore, and Kuroo decided he needs a break from spiking at Bokuto's head. "I can't tell if it's because of what happened, but something is… strange."

Kenma is an empath. He can feel things such as other people's bonds, the intensity of it, and he can also feel glimpses of people's feelings. It was strange and very uncomfortable discovering all of that, and when he mentioned it to her doctor once, he found himself sitting in a hospital bed for a week, with various tubes stuck in his body. He never repeated the same mistake again.

In contrast to others, him and Kuroo were bonded since their childhood. Their soul marks were not the indication of their bond forming, because it was there, before each of them turned sixteen. Their bond is stronger than most of the bonds that people are fortunate to bond, and Kuroo doesn't even want to begin to think what would have happened to them, if one of them did the -

He violently shook his head. He doesn't even want to waste his thoughts on this matter.

"How strange are we talking here?" Kuroo asked, observing Kageyama across the gym. It was like something shifted after dinner last night, and they got something resolved. The boy didn't even bother to hide the way he was constantly following Oikawa around, not giving the guy time to breathe.

That was certainly good, or so the rest of them had thought. Kuroo doesn't have the same ability as Kenma, but he'd have to be a fucking idiot to not see what was going on. Oikawa was barely a keeping up with everything, and that is not a good sign. Because spending time with your soulmate link is supposed to help, it's supposed to heal the parts that might be cracked. He was all down with the idea at first, because fucking Hell, even he gets nightmares about that horrible day so honestly, he's not that sort of jerk to witness something like that and then pretend like it didn't happen.

Which is exactly what Oikawa seemed to be doing.

That's probably why Bokuto got so mad. That was actually also concerning Kuroo. He'd never before seen his friend so worked up about something. And he remembers vividly, Bokuto's voice ringing hollow in his mind: Say what you want, but I don't buy it.

And if Bokuto didn't seem to believe, Akaashi certainly didn't have more hope, and now Kenma was saying it all feels strange -

Kuroo looked away from the duo and looked back at Kenma.

"I won't lie, cause that's stupid. Something is still definitely very, very wrong," Kenma said sternly. He wasn't looking at Kuroo, as he was talking. "But they're still linked, and it sort of makes sense, so I think it's fine. But -"

"It's not?" Kuroo finished Kenma's sentence. The boy looked at him and scooted a bit closer on the bench. This whole weekend was tiring him out on more fields than just one.

"No. They're getting somewhere, but one of them is stuck," Kenma said, his eyes suddenly wide. Kuroo blinked cautiously as Kenma leaned closer, grabbing his hand.

The taller boy could tell Kenma had discovered something rather bad, something that's probably very not good. Something that's going to turn all of this for the worse, something that's going to prove this whole weekend was practically a waste. That this didn't help.

"Kuro one of them is-"

"Kenma-san!" Hinata suddenly called, running over to them.

Kuroo had now understood exactly, why Oikawa had been staring daggers at this younger boy. He has his own suspicions, that this little Shrimp is definitely aware of more things than he lets on. That this boy knows something he shouldn't.

But he can't act cautious, he can't straight off ask. Tsukishima mentioned something about him, a bit carelessly, and Kuroo could easily miss it. It was as brief as it could be, they were tossing up to each other casually, and the blonde looked at him suddenly, his voice blank.

"The orange must stay out of it,” was what he said, before spiking the ball.

Kuroo offered an arched eyebrow in response but refrained from saying anything else. He doesn't know the full story, and frankly, he doesn't think he wants to.

So, he had no choice but to let Hinata drag his soulmate away, before Kenma could tell him what he suddenly discovered.

And fuck that, he really didn't want to actually know, because knowing Oikawa was heartless enough to pull something as vicious as breaking the unformed bond is already enough.

He picked up a ball, already yelling at Daichi to come and help him to get his blocking practice going, when he heard Kenma whisper to him through their bond:

One of them is not getting better.

He almost dropped the ball and he shouldn't be so obvious about it, because Oikawa knew he was watching him, so the brunette kept his eyes on him as well. But he spun around, sending a wary look to Kenma, who was already staring at him with wide eyes.

Well, shit.

Kenma could feel it. It was like a phantom pain, it didn't directly hurt him, but he could imagine what the pain was really like. His stomach turned as soon as he was in indirect presence of those two. As soon, as he could sense the broken parts, he could feel its tingling somewhere in the back of his head.

Normally, he can shut his empathic ability off. He'd use it for Akaashi and Bokuto, since they had some unfortunate complications, and it's been unbearable to feel Akaashi's pain. He can use his ability to sense and detect bonds to try and silently help. He can ease the pain a bit, and he can redirect the negative emotions to the into something else.

It always takes a tool on him, and he doesn't really want other people to drain him any more than they have to.

But Oikawa and Kageyama's situation was so much worse, that he couldn't even try to find the switch to turn it off. Even Kuroo couldn't really help with that, and it's been way too exhausting.

The worst part? Is knowing something was very much wrong and realising he can't do anything. He can't go to them and tell them; he can't fix this for them. He can't do anything but tell Kuroo, whose hands are also tied.

But aside from the absolutely critical state Oikawa and Kageyama are in, he can tell that they're trying. Well, one of them is giving their best, while the other is not. Kenma could tell that one link is extra weakened from the start. However, it's not like the other one is just not trying. No, there’s something on both sides, but…

There's a barrier, or some sort of obstacle between them, making the efforts practically useless.

He's been observing them practically most of the time, and he figured it out, who's the problematic one. It was obvious that Oikawa was in pain, and Kageyama wasn't feeling anything like that. He'd also noticed the way Oikawa left the room yesterday in such a hurry. And the sudden nosebleed, didn't really look that good either.

"Kenma, will you set for me a bit?" Hinata asked, and Kenma was surprised to feel like saying no. Because normally, that wouldn't be a problem. This was probably Oikawa's annoyance working on him as well.

"Sure Shoyo," he said quietly.

Kuroo was talking to Daichi about something and to anyone else it might seem like he was telling some silly story of sorts, but his eyes were lacking the humour, and Kenma knew he told him what he had made a realisation earlier.

He projected his thought to all three of them, and Akaashi reacted as calmly as he could, meanwhile Bokuto stumbled and almost broke his nose as he fell face first on the polished gym floor.

Oikawa frowned at him, before his eyes briefly scanned the room and he looked straight at Kenma, his cold brown eyes piercing his.

Bokuto scared him at first, and Kageyama also spooked him with his dark glare at first, but that didn't scare him more than that dead cold stare Oikawa looked at him with. He barely held eye contact, too afraid to look away, but he didn't want to keep looking either. It was like he was aware of everything that's been going on, that he knew what he was doing, and that he was letting Kenma know he knows.

'I fucking knew it!' Bokuto yelled through their link picking himself up with a wild laugh. 'I was right, that guy is not even trying!'

'Fucking hell Bokuto get your shit together! He's onto us for real now, don't make this any worse -'

'Something's wrong, we all know that. Calm down,’ Kenma projected, ending Kuroo's angry rant. The last thing they need is for his soulmate to rile him up. If Bokuto gets too worked up, he'll definitely have one of his moods, and that might result in him spilling everything out.

Which is definitely a no go.

His thought was met with radio silence, but Kenma saw Akaashi approaching him casually. He offered to play for a bit with him and Hinata, and luckily the boy was all up for it. Akaashi subtly laid a comforting hand on Kenma's shoulder, and Kuroo was also sending him warmth of a hug over his bond. These things took quite a toll on him, and he was so lucky to have multiple links as an empath. Because if he were to have only Kuroo, the emotional strain would be way too much, and he'd only cause for Kuroo to suffer along as well.

But Kuroo is strong, and he's definitely a boulder Kenma can lean on. The phantom warmth of Akaashi and Bokuto's bond is also a side benefit. The purity of their bond is almost enough for Kenma, to completely recover.

And it's because he knows, just how pretty and beautiful the bonds can be, is why this situation hurts so damn much. Because he feels there's something, that can't be fixed, and he feels so horrible. Akaashi and Bokuto can't possibly understand, and Kuroo won't know either, or Kenma is glad for that.

But Kageyama and Oikawa won't know how pretty the bond of a soulmate is. Pain will be there constantly. And there's someone else, that also won't know how it is to be bonded.

Kenma didn't say anything, he didn't ask, but he's pretty sure Hinata's mark was smudged. He only saw someone's soul mark being smudged, or blurred once before. He doesn't know what that actually means but he's sure it doesn't mean anything good. It could have the same signifance to the people who are born blank. Meaning - they don't have a soulmate. Seeing how Hinata was bitter ever since that game, Kenma didn't need long to know something obviously happened. He'd be a fool if he turned a blind eye to the situation. It's obvious as it could be, that Hinata wanted to be in Oikawa's place.

He mentioned that to Kuroo, and the boy winced visibly. "Yikes. Don't think about that too much Kenma," he leaned down, pressing a quick soft kiss on the Kenma's nose. "We've got a bigger fish to fry. Shrimpy will get his turn."

He was right, and Kenma tried to not think about that side situation. It was like a side quest in a video game, but he didn't want to finish the main story either. The characters are not levelled up properly, and he won't survive the boss fight without any buffs.

And he doesn't have those.

He pretended he wasn't thinking so hard, he tried ignoring the tingling, the constant red flickering like a slow headache pulsing in his temples. But the atmosphere was the same two days ago, even though Kageyama and Oikawa weren't glaring angrily at each other from across the gym. He saw them talking after they came back from their jog. He heard Oikawa laugh, and both of their faces had blushing colours on their cheeks, and he could sense they made some things clear.

But why were Oikawa's eyes so cold?

'Don't think about it, Akaashi said softly. He wasn't looking at him, as he said something to Hinata, about how much better his jump got. 'There's not much we can do about it right now.'

Kenma didn't respond and resumed his tossing to Hinata. The boy didn't seem to particularly notice anything, aside from the fact that Kageyama wasn't practicing with him today at all. He was sending angry glances on the other side every free second, he got, and Kenma's annoyance was rising.

"Why do you keep looking over there Hinata?" Akaashi said suddenly, looking at Hinata with a soft look in his blue eyes.

Kenma blinked. What was he doing?

Hinata blinked as well, looking at Akaashi confused for a brief moment. "Huh? Where? I am not looking anywhere?"

Akaashi raised an eyebrow, but his expression remained calm, soft, almost indifferent. "You've been sending some angry looks at Kageyama over there. What's that about?"

Kenma looked at his friend cautiously. Akaashi sent him a quick assuring glance. It was the most subtle way to check if Hinata really was up to something.

The orange haired boy huffed, puffin his cheeks in an angry frown.  "What? No way, I’m not- Nuh, uh I don't care if that jerk decided to follow Grand King everywhere. It's not like I care, I’d do the same honestly -"

That was partly a lie, and Kenma sent his doubt over to Akaashi.

"Why?" Kenma asked quietly, something in the way Hinata phrased his sentence bothering him.

Hinata twirled a ball in his hands, looking at Kenma, confused. "Why? What do you mean why?"

Kenma blinked, before he said: "Why would you do the same?"

There are two different answers that Hinata could have said. Not really confirming or throwing Kenma's doubt about his friend's intentions. But he can tell, if the smaller boy lies. So, he'd know exactly what they all want a clear confirmation: That Hinata really is, trying to sabotage something.

Last night's dinner was definitely something Kenma can hold accountable for.

"Cause," Hinata shrugged. "He's the Grand King, literal best. Of course, I'd also follow my uh, my inspiration or something," Hinata said lamely, and Kenma was troubled by that answer.

It didn't directly tell him anything, but a grimace on Hinata's face was another story.

Kenma hummed in response, looking casually towards Oikawa and Kageyama. Immediately he knew something was going to happen, simply because Oikawa was standing on the side, his face pulled in a pained frown.

He grabbed Akaashi's arm, who turned to look at him in question, but Kenma didn't have time to say anything.

Wait guys something's going to-

He didn't have time to process his thought, as he could feel the phantom of the sharp stinging pain, which wasn't from anyone he's linked to. It happened too fast for anyone to react, and Oikawa was suddenly laying on the floor, Kenma hoped he was seeing things, but he could see something red on the boy's t-shirt.

Kageyama followed soon after, clumsily stumbling over his feet. It was like two dominos that a sudden breeze sent tumbling down.

It was almost as horrible as that time, and Kenma pulled Akaashi over to him. He wasn't Kuroo, but he's still able to help. The boy didn't even question, as he wrapped an arm around him, stepping in front of him, so the smaller boy couldn't see what was going on.

Kenma could feel their bond, teared open again, painfully so. and he doesn't understand what is going on. Why something got torn again. He just wanted to help; they all did. Yet it seemed like they only made things horribly worse.

What the fuck just happened?

Chapter Text

To be honest, Iwaizumi should have seen it coming. He hoped it wouldn’t happen; he didn't consider it a possibility. Yet, he could tell something was off when he saw the faces Oikawa was pulling. Always that cold grin and annoyed arch of his eyebrows, but he didn't say anything.

At least not directly, he did spare him some mean glares which Iwaizumi ignored.He knows better than to start anything.

However, Bokuto and Akaashi almost blew it, and he gave them a piece of his mind during their evening jog. They didn't mean to do it, at least Akaashi. He could tell that Bokuto was definitely not about to be buddy buddy with Oikawa, and he respects that.

He knows where he's coming from.

Yet, he thought it was okay. Kageyama was playing two on two with Oikawa the next day, in incredible sync, which was absolutely terrifying. Kageyama knew where to go, when to jump without Oikawa needing to say anything. It was probably due to the fact that Kageyama had been observing Oikawa for long enough, to know the way he plays.

Personally, he had a better explanation, and that could be that they were making a progress in levelling up their bond. He thought that them bonding over volleyball, something they both thrive in, would do them good.

He forgot that was the very thing that caused all of this in the first place.

He couldn't act fast enough. He should be more careful, he swore to himself that he'd be on the lookout. They were practically in the middle of the match, playing with Daichi and Tsukishima, with Sugawara and Kuroo on the side. It was a good game, and Iwaizumi will bitterly admit defeat. They were at match point, when Oikawa suddenly stopped.

The ball was set, Kageyama jumped to spike, and Iwaizumi could see in Kuroo's face, in the way his eyes narrowed that Kenma sensed something. He was surprised to learn that they boy is an empath, but when he saw his reaction when Oikawa had the nosebleed -

He didn't doubt.

He turned around as fast as he could, but it still seemed too slow, because Oikawa was already stumbling forward. He couldn't move fast enough to interject his fall, and he could see Kageyama failed to spike the ball, as he also landed unsteadily on his feet, and stumbled forward. Luckily Kuroo acted fast and ducked under the net to catch the boy, so Iwaizumi could give his attention to Oikawa.

He didn't fall that badly, but it was obvious he was in pain. He barely picked himself up from the gym floor, and Iwaizumi didn't like the way there was a patch of red left behind. Oikawa's face was pulled in a pained, yet angry expression and Iwaizumi didn't understand it really.

But at least, Oikawa didn't fucking pass out on him again.

"Oikawa are you okay?" he said hurriedly, reaching forward to help, when Oikawa stopped his angry rant of curses that were probably not meant to be heard, and suddenly bolted upwards, and away.

"Don't!" he hissed; his arm raised in his direction to keep Iwaizumi at arm's length. The boy could see he was pressing his other hand to his hip. 

He was surprised to see the defensive expression on Oikawa's angry face. Bokuto stood beside him, also jumping backwards when Oikawa hissed at them. He was the first one to come running, yet the brunette glared at him with a nasty look.

Sugawara was on the other side looking wide eyed, his face expressing he also didn't have any idea what was going on.

Iwaizumi raised his arms. "Okay I just wanted to help, I didn't -"

"Who was it?" Oikawa interrupted, his voice low. His eyes were flashing angrily, and Iwaizumi took another step backwards. Why was he so angry all of a sudden?

He should be more concerned about the blood on his fingers. He looked around, eyes jumping from Iwaizumi to Bokuto.

"Which one of you guys did it?" he asked, and Iwaizumi exchanged a careful look with Sugawara.

What was that about? He glanced at Bokuto who was scrunching his nose in complete and utter confusion. This wasn't something they had planned. It's not like they know what happened because it was all way too fast. Kenma probably couldn't have foreseen it that much earlier, to warn them.

Yet, Oikawa was looking at them, like he actually thought one of the boys did something to him. To them.

"What are you talking about?"  Iwaizumi asked carefully. "We didn't do shit -"

"Don't fucking play dumb," Oikawa said, viciously. His voice cracked a bit, showing how much his hip hurt. Iwaizumi didn't like the red trail slipping down the boy's thigh. "Because I know for a fact, that -"

Whatever Oikawa wanted to say was cut off as Kageyama suddenly pushed himself through. He looked okay, and Iwaizumi thought how funny this situation really is. The last time Kageyama jumped at the match point, his skin got torn, and his mark was almost wiped from his body.

All the blood that coloured his jersey dark red was sickening, and now he was looking a bit sick, and as Oikawa was the one whose blood was dripping on the gym floor.

The silence in the gym was deafening, as no one dared to say anything. Partly because Oikawa looked like he'd strangle anyone who dares to speak beside the fact he couldn't even stand up, and partly because they could all sense something was going on. Iwaizumi took a step back, but stayed in close proximity, in case Oikawa suddenly dropped.

It was like there was some strange aura around Kageyama and Oikawa. For a moment, the atmosphere in the gym shifted from the stifling dreadfulness to something much lighter.

Iwaizumi glanced at Kenma who was carefully looking at the pair around Akaashi's shoulder. He didn't look particularly concerned, so Iwaizumi thought it's all good.

Except Tsukishima was glaring darkly and Tanaka's face wasn't exactly the kindest either. Sugawara didn't show any sign of any distress, and Daichi didn't look ready to punch anyone either.

Iwaizumi couldn't tell what was going on, so he just stood there, waiting for some disaster to occur.

Oikawa waved his hand, like he was waving a fly away or something, his face not hiding his discomfort as he said, loudly: "I'm fine shut up Tobio Jesus let a guy breathe, would you?"

Well now for sure, Iwaizumi didn't have the slightest idea about what the actual fuck was happening. Because Kageyama didn't say a single word ever since he pushed himself through, to glare at Oikawa with a concerned, yet indifferent expression on his face. 

Sugawara looked at Daichi and the guy raised his eyebrows in surprise. Iwaizumi frowned.

Kageyama blinked, looking as confused as Iwaizumi felt. He parted his lips to say something but all he let out was a low mumble, which wasn't very comprehensible.

Oikawa however, stared at him with strange expression on his face. Bewildered, he slowly stood up and reached forward to grab Kageyama's face. His fingers pressed into the boy's cheeks, practically making it very much difficult for Kageyama to talk.

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, as he stared at Kageyama, or more precisely his lips. Iwaizumi glanced at Kuroo, who was observing, obviously amused. That only made him more confused, because that guy looked ready for some drastic measures mere seconds ago.

Oikawa then pulled his hand back, like Kageyama's face burned him. "Oh, fucking hell," he mumbled, his eyes still locked on Kageyama's face.

He raised his hand to his temple."I didn't know my head hurt that much. Thought I heard Tobio saying something holy-"

"No that's okay," Kenma suddenly said, quietly. Oikawa looked at him, and Iwaizumi followed suit, hoping the boy would explain. "Telepathy is a part of the bond. That's like the next stage in a video game, when you move forward, when you're levelled up."

Bokuto's eyes widened, as he looked from Kenma to Kageyama, looking at Oikawa, before he looked back at Kenma. He looked shockingly surprised as he shouted incredulously: "What? Telepathy? No fucking way!"

Oikawa stared up at Kenma with a strange look on his face. He didn't look exactly happy at that revelation, but he didn't look devastated either. It was a good thing, because that meant they were okay. That this thing that had torn at them was not actually breaking anything, as they all feared.

"What," the brunette said dumbly, his hand still raised to his temple. He slowly blinked and looked back at Kageyama who was already looking back at him.

"What," Oikawa repeated, moving away from Kageyama, his complexion pale. Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean what," Bokuto roared then, breaking the tension, as he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Oikawa and Kageyama.

"You guys just made a huge progress, there's nothing to be so shook about! You idiots should be happy!"

Oikawa looked fairly uncomfortable being suddenly embraced like that, and Kageyama just looked confused. The younger boy still didn't say anything, as he looked like he wasn't actually present, meanwhile all the other boys practically exploded with euphoria.

Tsukishima's frown cleared, and Tanaka whooped loudly, giving Nishinoya a high five. Daichi looked like he was going to start praying, and Sugawara was yelling along with Tanaka. Iwaizumi could definitely share all the emotions, because that meant this fright was a misdirect.

He thought he's going to have to go through all of that horror again, and he was already frozen with fear for a moment. But it was okay, because it was a false alarm, and he doesn't have to be scared Oikawa is going to roll over and die.

But still, the brunette's wound reopened.

Was that supposed to happen like this? He doesn't know much about the telepathic aspects of the bonds, so he can only hope this wasn't another bad sign. 

"Wait, so that means -" Kageyama finally said something, Bokuto's arm still wrapped around his shoulders. He looked at Oikawa with flushed face. "That means you can hear my thoughts now?"

Oikawa's face twisted. He was probably still in pain. Why did it seem like only he got injured from this?

"Oh God, no way this is actually happening."

"Wait, you heard me earlier, didn't you?" Kageyama said, sounding panicked. 

Bokuto's eyebrow twitched. Iwaizumi exchanged glances with Akaashi, who knew exactly what he was thinking. He approached the trio, and tapped Bokuto's shoulder, so the boy backed away. The guy still didn't seem like he was that convinced. 

"Yes, I did," Oikawa said craning his neck. "But then again, my head does still hurt a bit, so maybe I'm delusional-" 

"Like Hell you are," Iwaizumi said then, half tempted to knock his best friend upside his head. But really, he saw him swallowing two pills in the morning, so perhaps he'll cut him some slack this time. "No one heard you two speak, but it's obvious you had some conversation."

Oikawa blinked at him, before he looked at Kageyama, who was now so red in his face like a tomato. He looked like he was going to explode. Strangely, he didn't oppose Oikawa's denial, as he was the one who was trying to get away from the brunette this time.

What was that about?

"No, no, surely, that's... no way," Kageyama started mumbling, covering his red face with his hands. "I thought we were only physical why is this a thing suddenly, no, no no."

Iwaizumi frowned. He noticed Kenma didn't look so delighted as he was few minutes ago. Kuroo was already beside him, a hand on the setter's shoulder. He didn't get what was happening, weren't things okay?

Oikawa looked as troubled as Iwaizumi felt. "Huh? Why are you blabbering such nonsense all of a sudden?"

Kageyama shook his head, moving away. Oikawa stood there bewildered. He seemed to have forgotten about the blood on his hand, as he reached forward to touch Kageyama's shoulder. The boy flinched and yelped, as he practically jumped away.

Iwaizumi noted how Oikawa's face darkened. 

"You're not reading my thoughts now are you?" Kageyama asked, his face still red, looking at Oikawa with panicked eyes.

Iwaizumi glanced at Daichi, in case if drastic measures were needed, but he only got more confused at the smug expression on the captain's face.

Is only he missing something?

"Why would I voluntarily read your thoughts? You're practically screaming into my head right now so please, just stop thinking altogether. That solves the problem doesn't it?"

The bitterness was definitely to be expected, considering Oikawa's headache wasn't getting better. But shouldn't they actually consider not being so petty about this? 

Kageyama groaned, swaying forward, looking like he might be sick. Oikawa's face changed then, as that one assholish smirk made an appearance on his face, and Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. Was he worried for nothing? 

"Oh, were you having bad thoughts about me? Is that why you're so embarrassed?" Oikawa said smugly, leaning into Kageyama's space.

The boy's face coloured again, as he pushed at Oikawa and glared at the brunette. "No! Just stop looking!"

Oikawa laughed out loud, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. This was so ridiculous. The sudden twist, that scared him to death, was practically nothing to get scared about.

Sure, things are still looking bad, but the atmosphere in the gym cleared so vividly, like nothing was wrong in the first place.

He strolled over, and gently flicked Oikawa's forehead. He was still concerned about the never-ending headache, so he didn't dare risk it.

"Stop being such an asshole. Go wash your hands," he said sternly.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow in question, only then noticing the blood on his shirt. The younger boy got alarmed again, clutching at Oikawa's bloody jersey like the guy might fall over any time soon.

Luckily, Sugawara came to the rescue, as he pushed the boys out of the gym to the bathrooms. He sent a look over his shoulder at Daichi and Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi gave him a firm nod.

Once the two boys were out the gym, Daichi turned to look at him. "So, this wasn't so bad after all."

"Thank God," Iwaizumi sighed deeply. "I was scared for a moment because Oikawa started bleeding again. Like that nightmare is going to repeat again."

Daichi hummed, looking serious. "Same. Luckily it was just a misdirect."

"But we shouldn't take this so lightly," Tsukishima said then from behind. "Oikawa-san's bleeding is not exactly a good sign, but he didn't seem to be in pain."

"Perhaps it's just because it's them," Yamaguchi said quietly, looking at the direction Oikawa and Kageyama were dragged by Sugawara. "They are a special case after all."

"True -"

Suddenly, Iwaizumi heard someone retching from behind his back. He turned abruptly, to see Kenma shaking as he violently threw up on the gym floor. Kuroo was beside him, looking alarmed, and Akaashi was on the other side, looking equally concerned.

That definitely wasn't some random coincidence, because he doesn't remember Kenma being sick earlier. He was fine, until this happened.

Iwaizumi heard that he can get quite weak due to his emphatic abilities, and he felt sorry for him. It definitely wasn't fair, and after Oikawa and Kageyama, this guy was probably next to have the worst experience from that day.

And consequently, this three days.

He looked at the patch of red left behind his best friend. Now as he thinks carefully about this... this doesn't seem so good anymore.

Chapter Text

Despite his thoughts being scattered all over the place, Oikawa was actually able to sleep on the bus ride back home. He was distantly aware of other boys' voices and Kageyama's thoughts brushing against his mind. It was soft as a whisper, and Oikawa didn't know if he was actually hearing things.

It was dark, because he couldn't see anything. Or maybe he was stuck in a black room of some sorts, except there was no walls, nothing to determine what space he's in.

Similar to the nightmare he had about his heart strings breaking. He had the same shiver down his spine, and he really wished this was something else.

He was standing in some liquid of sorts. It was as black as the darkness surrounding him. He wasn't wearing shoes, so he could feel the liquid was thicker and warmer than water.

"Ay," he frowned, as he looked down at his trousers. He was wearing his school's sports uniform, white trousers with turquoise t-shirt. He was in the water deep enough to cover his ankles.

He wasn't new to lucid dreaming, so he thought that was it. That he was simply dreaming about himself doing practically nothing in this cube of nothing. It seemed like the liquid had colour.

He didn't panic, he didn't feel like he's going to be as anxious as the last times these dreams occurred. He tried to be rational, because he was aware this was just a dream.

Just a dream, and nothing else-

"I'd think again if I were you," Kageyama's voice echoed through the darkness. It didn't entirely sound like the boy he knew, but it couldn't be anyone else.

Oikawa looked around himself, and he noticed a figure sitting on the floor, looking up at him.

It did look like Kageyama but-

"What's that?" Oikawa asked, casually.

Kageyama tilted his head to the side. "What? I thought you were supposed to be smart, Oikawa-san."

His name rolling of the boy's tongue sounded wrong and twisted. It made the brunette angry. He squinted his brown eyes at the younger.

"Don't you fucking -" he raised his hand, and his voice died out, as he saw the red slowly dripping down his fingers.

His first instinct was to check for any injury on his body. But there were no bloody patches anywhere, aside from his hands. He didn't feel pain or anything.

"Relax, that's not yours," Kageyama said, standing up. Oikawa noted how the thick liquid didn't stick to the boy's legs.

He walked up to Oikawa, with slow steps, his blue eyes boring into his.

"Then whose-"

"Who cares?" Kageyama said, looking up at him blankly. "It doesn't matter, as long as you're fine right, Oikawa-san?"

The brunette saw the reflection of his own malicious smile on the boy's face. It dawned on him immediately that this wasn't Kageyama's projection through their bond.

The boy raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. He could probably tell what Oikawa was thinking, as he said dully: "Wow. What a genius you are."

A moment later, the malicious smile returned, matching the dark look in Kageyama's eyes. "Or should I say we."

Oikawa paused; his bloody hands still halfway raised. A shiver ran down his spine, and a sudden cold feeling filled his chest. Kageyama's face changed, as his body suddenly grew. Brown irises replaced the blue ones, and the smile aimed at him looked much nastier than before.

"What the -" Oikawa staggered backwards, putting distance between him, and another figure of himself.

He hated this, and he wanted to wake up. Because the Oikawa he was looking at had blood all over his front, and he could still see the slow drip from his hip. This was the part Oikawa wanted to ignore and forget.

The other Oikawa raised a mocking eyebrow. "A? You figured it out already?"

"I don't have to figure out shit," Oikawa spat, flicking excessive blood from his finger in the other man's direction. The bloody drops splattered across his face.

"This is not happening, I've been here before, it's just a dream. I can wake up anytime so don't -"

"Hah! You're really good at denial as ever," Oikawa said, reaching up to wipe the bloody drops away. His hands were clean. "That's your number one problem, you know. And of course, that narcissistic ignorance you've got going on."

The brunette looked away from his bloody copy. He could tell what he was standing on now. Endless pool of blood, stretching to God knows where. He could also tell this wasn't just a regular dream. because his mind couldn't have made up all of this. To think of such a coherent conversation would be beyond him.

"How would you know?" he mumbled.

The answer came right away, accompanied with a mocking laughter. "How, he asks! Because I am you, you fucking idiot."

Oikawa figured as much. He couldn't hold onto Iwaizumi's distant voice indicating he was losing touch with his reality. He had no chance but indulge this conversation.

"Bullshit."

The other Oikawa suddenly emerged before him, and roughly flicked his forehead. His eyes were red with anger, and hatred. "This is exactly, and what I'm talking about. I know as much as you, and you know as much as me."

Oikawa glared back, matching the angry expression. "You don't know shit."

"I do," the other boy said, his voice low and vicious. "I know the things you want to ignore. I'm that part of you, that you want to forget it exists."

Oikawa didn't like the sound of that, so he pushed at his projection and turned to walk away abruptly. However, the guy grabbed his arms harshly, and pulled him back.

"I'm the part, that's actually relieved, that we got rid of that guy!" Oikawa spat, angrily. "I don't give a damn honestly, and I think we should just get through. I hate the way this bond is starting to heal and grow, because I want nothing to do with Tobio!"

Oikawa tried pulling his arm from the other guy's grip. "Now I know you're just lying! Because I don't want to die, and I do fucking care so-"

"No, you fucking don't," the other brunette spat his fingers digging painfully in Oikawa wrist.

"You don't actually give a damn, and I'm the fucking proof. I wouldn't be here, if you actually cared about that guy. In fact, I all of this," he motioned to the bloody pool, "wouldn't be here if you gave a damn. So, stop pretending."

"I'm not pretending!" Oikawa yelled then pulling his arm free. to push the other boy violently away. "If I didn't care I wouldn't do the things I've done!"

"What have you done ay?" the other Oikawa sneered back. "All you did was cause more pain! To you, to Tobio to Iwaizumi- Fucking everyone around you is suffering one way or another because of you!"

Oikawa didn't have a counter to that, so he settled on a vicious glare. It was true, that the pain was getting a bit unbearable. That his headaches didn't stop, and his heart hurt along his scars. It was true, but -

Kageyama wasn't in pain. The boy thinks they're actually bonding, that they're getting better.

And Oikawa wants to believe that too.

"You should stop," the brunette said. "Before it gets you killed."

"Killed?" Oikawa repeated. "I've already been on a deathbed."

"So what?" the other rolled his dark eyes. "It doesn't matter that it happened once, and you miraculously survived. The second time, we're a goner for sure."

Oikawa stared down at the bloody water. His hands still felt slippery from all the red blood. He didn't think what the insane volume of it meant. Was this actually his? From before? Or was this Kageyama's -

"Miraculously, you say," Oikawa said, his voice empty and dull. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't have pulled through, would I?"

The other Oikawa sighed tiredly, his face still a violent angry red mask. He let go of the brunette's wrist. "Remember what I said," he fixed Oikawa with a dead empty eye.

"It's going to come back at you, and this little headache you're sporting? That's nothing compared to what's going to happen if you don't end it now."

"Why?" Oikawa asked.

The other boy didn't answer, as he slowly made his way closer. He regarded him with a completely blank face. Oikawa found it difficult to keep up the deadly eye contact.

"Before it's sealed, end it," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Or death is the only thing that awaits us. You know I'm right so stop."

Oikawa turned around, crossing his arms over his, suddenly aching, chest. "I don't have to listen to you. This is not happening, and I'll forget this conversation as soon as I wake up."

A horrifying laughter echoed through the endless room. Oikawa didn't dare look back, he didn't have to, as the other boy suddenly grabbed him, right where the soul mark is. He digged his fingers into the scars, making Oikawa groan in pain.

"This is very much happening," the brunette said. "This is way more real than you think. You'll see soon enough."

"Ow! Let go of me you fucking bastard!" Oikawa howled, trying to pry the other boy's hands away.

However, the guy wouldn't budge. If anything, it made the pain double. It felt like his scar was being ripped back open, the knife diving but deeper. Oikawa tried to kick his other self away, but his leg missed the target.

The other boy pushed at him suddenly, so Oikawa clumsily tripped, and staggered backwards, falling in the pool of blood. 

His replica stared at him from above, face indifferent and eyes cold, as he leaned down, and whispered in his ear: "Just remember what I said."

He didn't give Oikawa time to respond as he suddenly bumped Oikawa's head with his so forcefully, the boy's head dipped under the red blood. He could taste it in his mouth, and the metallic taste of it was so disgusting, his stomach turned. Darkness swamped over him, and the voices suddenly disappeared.

Before someone called him through the muffled silence, and he suddenly surged upwards, wide awake. He needed a moment to realise he was sitting on the bus with his volleyball team, and that he wasn't trapped somewhere within his own mind. 

His temples pulsed, as Kageyama's low rumbling resumed in his mind. For some reason, the familiarity of the boy's incoherent thoughts was enough to calm him down. It hurt so bad, when this telepathy link activated, for a moment he thought he fucked up again.

But then again, he'd seen the secretive glances between certain people, and after he found out the small Nekoma setter was an empath, he could feel someone else hovering in this strange space, that was supposed to be just him and Kageyama. 

It wasn't another link, but there was someone who was leeching off of them, and Oikawa couldn't tell who exactly the culprit was. The only one he could think of, that could have any benefit was that little ginger. But why would he bother?

"You okay?" Iwaizumi asked him after a moment. 

Oikawa looked at him. It definitely wasn't his best friend, because he knows this guy has only best intentions when it comes to this. He also said he's already bonded with someone, and he's not that stupid to risk injuring himself, or anyone else. Sure, he kept this weekend a secret, but it was probably because if Oikawa knew, he'd make some excuse to not show up.

Ah. That only makes it seem like his own persona from his ridiculous nightmare might be right.

"Yes, absolutely fine," he flashed Iwaizumi a smile, that wasn't very convincing. "Just a small headache, and well, Tobio still doesn't think quietly."

He wondered, why the younger reacted so defensively. After he realised the younger was feeling embarrassed, he didn't need long to put two and two together, but still. The way Kageyama flinched away from him - 

The brunette clenched his fist.

Iwaizumi nudged his shoulder. "Yeah? What about the mark?"

Oikawa shrugged. "Nothing that bad, a part just got scratched, nothing more."

That was not supposed to happen, but Oikawa was great at being in denial about some things. It bled a bit too much, and the scars were back open, but he didn't let anyone see. He shooed Kageyama out the door, and Sugawara was also getting closed door in the face. He stood in the bathroom alone, looking at the bloody trail down from his hip. He thought the skin got healed, he even got stuched up again. 

Why, does it seem, like he's progressing in the wrong direction.

"Right," doubt was loud in Iwaizumi's voice. "Just make sure it doesn't get worse."

"You don't have to worry about that," Oikawa said, pulling his phone from his bag. "I don't plan on letting Tobio be the death of me."

Iwaizumi looked at him with a strange expression, before he shrugged and looked out of the window. Oikawa felt strangely hollow, as he typed a message to his soul mate. 

19.30: Stop thinking so fucking loud cause I'm bout to lose my shit (‡▼益▼)

The buzzing in his mind resumed. Luckily, Kageyama wasn't so advanced to start projecting actual words. That in the gym was a fluke for the first time, and boy was Oikawa glad. He had few concerns about this. He doesn't know how exactly it works, but if he doesn't figure out soon, he's going to have a problem. He never consciously thinks about the thing he's still trying to cover up, and if this telepathy works even for those hidden things-

His nightmare might become a reality, and Oikawa doesn't fucking want that.

Stupid Tobio-chan: I'm not even thinking what do you mean Oikawa-san?

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. He could feel a spark of joy through the bond. That little shit is mocking him, isn't he?

19.33: You little shit, I can hear you buzzing. Tf are you even thinking about so much?

19:35: I'm not doing it on purpose tho?

Oikawa's eye twitched as his temples pulsed. 

19.35: And I refuse to tell you. Mind your business

Oikawa's lips pulled in a small smile. 19.37: You do realise you're making it my business by sending me your rumbling, right?

19.38: No I'm not stop listening then

19.38: ...you're not being naughty, are you?

Oikawa laughed to himself, as he felt a nervous flustered wave of frustration. Ah, he forgot how fun it is, to mess with his adorable former kouhai.

19.38: NO! WHAT THE FUCK OIKAWA-SAN??

19.39: ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡°)

19.39: NO IT'S NOTGHING LIKE THAT 

19.40: You sure? (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

19.40: YEHUSHU WHATA???

The brunette pursed his lips. Kageyama's rumbling inside his head got a bit more coherent now. He could pick up few panicked words, but he decided he's going to spare Kageyama this time. He'd have to wait to see him blush in embarrassment, because all he can do now is imagine it. And well, seeing the real thing is way better. 

20.00: Suspicious. You got so nervous you can't even spell right ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )

20.01: NNO IT'S NOT-

20.02: Again. I can hear you my dear Tobio-chan. No use lying to your dear senpai ♡ ～('▽^人)

20.03: Stahp pls (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ

The smile on brunette's face changed from that assholish curve to something more fond. But as soon as he realised he grinned like a flustered idiot simply because Kageyama sent him back an emoji, he slapped himself across the face. That's nothing to be so worked up about.

Matsukawa looked at him from up front. He's been quietly observing his captain for some time now, and boy, was he glad there was some colour on the guy's face. "Why are you slapping yourself dear captain?"

Oikawa clicked his tongue at him. "None of your business. Turn around, or you'll get sick."

Matsukawa winked at him, and Oikawa responded with a threatening smile. The other boy saluted, before he turned back to the front.

20.09: I'm already rubbing off on you hm? ( ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ)

20.10: I ASKED YOU TO STOPP (╥﹏╥)

Oikawa covered his mouth with his hand. Ah, how easy this is. If only their whole situation could be as light-hearted as this silly conversation. His aching scars pulsed angrily at the thought.

20.11: Okay, okay, I shall spare you this time, no need to get nervous.

20.13: I'm not nervous

20.13: Bet. Now get off your phone, you'll get sick if you're looking at the screen during driving.

He didn't get immediate response, so Oikawa almost put his phone back into his bag. Before he tucked it in the back pocket, the device buzzed in his hand. 

20.18: You're okay tho, right?

Oikawa bit his lip, contemplating what his response should be. Considering they're connected through more aspects now, there's really no use for him to cover anything up. Kageyama will start calling him out on it. 

20.18: Nothing yours truly cannot handle. Talk to you later Tobio-chan ☆⌒(≧▽° )

20.18: Ok ╰(*´︶`*)╯

Oikawa ran his fingers through his hair, feeling his traitorous heart skip a beat. Perhaps he spoke too soon.

It does seem like Kageyama is going to be the death of him.

Chapter Text

Kageyama didn't know if he was actually hearing things, or if he was just simply going insane. His mind was now always buzzing, rumbling quietly. It wasn’t that uncomfortable, but it was definitely bothersome. Kenma said that's how it's going to be few days after this telepathic link got activated.

The activation was so sudden, he felt like his brain was getting squashed or something. He lost his orientation and sense of space for a few seconds. It hurt like his head was splitting open, and then Oikawa’s voice cut through the strange headache.

He got so scared after Kenma explained what happened. He doesn’t know how this thing works, or how far this mental connection goes for fuck’s sake. What if he accidentally thinks about something very wrong, and he thinks about it loud enough for Oikawa to hear?

Like his wild urge to kiss the brunette for example. That thought didn’t leave his mind, ever since he actually acknowledged it. He shoved it far down his own consciousness, as best as he could, but sometimes, he’d remember that Oikawa had that strange nosebleed, and that one drop of blood that ran over his lips, and he’d feel his head spin.

It happened several times during practice even, and he felt so embarrassed. Daichi was looking at him like he might sub him out and bench him for the next four months. Which was very unacceptable, to say the least.

And to his dreadful horror, Oikawa’s been making suggestive comments, meaning he caught something, and Kageyama wanted to disappear somewhere from the embarrassment.

Along with those intrusive thoughts, came this strange stomach twisting feeling, that the boy couldn’t label. That made him feel mad, but he didn’t dare to ask the brunette, if he was feeling anxious or something. He thought about consulting Tsukishima, but perhaps this wasn’t that much of a problem.

Except, that this feeling came whenever he saw Oikawa’s name lit up on his phone. So, it was definitely the brunette’s fault.

However, whenever the source of his problems called him out on his sudden strange behaviour, Kageyama refused to say anything with hot face and rather called the brunette out on his sudden ignorance. He shut him out for a day after the weekend and well.

Kageyama wouldn’t be so mad about it, considering he himself needed a moment to adapt to this new addition. But God damn, Oikawa always does that. Whenever something happens, that bastard just pushes him away, refuses to explain and just lets Kageyama think the worst, until he gives him some half assed excuse.

 It’s annoying, and the younger didn’t find the right time to demand an explanation for this.

“Maybe he thinks you’re too stupid to understand his problems,” was what Tsukishima suggested, when Kageyama came to ask him.

He glared in response. “What, you’re saying he thinks I’m an idiot?”

Tsukishima had audacity to roll his eyes. “No, I’m saying he probably has some issues that you obviously can’t help with,” the blonde stood up, from where he was stretching on the floor.

He looked down at Kageyama as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “Don’t forget, you’re only 16 Kageyama. That guy is 19.”

The boy frowned. That made some sense, but it sill didn’t help. “Well, yeah but still, shouldn’t he-“

“You are practically a child, Kageyama,” Tsukishima said again. “He has some  advantages about certain stuff, and maybe he’s having some problems that you won’t understand, How can you help with something you don’t understand?”

Kageyama felt like Tsukishima was telling him he is in fact an idiot. He didn’t think about this, but Oikawa said multiple times, that certain things don’t have anything to do with him. So maybe he’s not the problem this time.

“But if I was the problem, you think he’d tell me?” Kageyama asked.

Tsukishima stared at him for a moment, before he shrugged. “Who knows."

He thought about it, and came to conclusion, that Oikawa promised him he’d tell him if he was causing him any discomfort. He even gave him a pinkie promise on that cold day, so honestly, he shouldn’t be concerned?

He personally feels a bit uneasy about the wide aspects of their bond, so honestly, it’s probably fine.

They’re fine.

Oikawa then showed up on Friday, without much explanation or letting Kageyama know before hand. Hinata got mad about his presence, and attempted to pick a fight, but luckily Tanaka was there, and put the ginger in a headlock, so Kageyama could walk away.

He noticed Hinata was acting weird for some time now. That weird outburst during the weekend, and the way he was always saying considerably rude things about Oikawa, whatever chance he got was definitely an obvious sign.

At first, Kageyama thought nothing of it since he thought Hinata was holding some grudge because of that humiliating defeat.

But there was obviously something else fuelling his dislike for Oikawa, since he noticed the other teammates also gave the ginger a stink eye. He couldn’t think of any proper reason for the boy to be so mad, so he decided he won’t do anything about it.

But every time Hinata got snarky about Oikawa, Kageyama’s hand itched with the urge to punch. He punched the other before, so it wouldn’t even be weird, but he’d definitely feel better.

But alas, he refrained, because Oikawa’s voice always softly hummed through his mind, when he got angry.

“So, where are we going?” Kageyama asked, as he successfully got free of Hinata.

Oikawa aimed a glare at the shorter boy, before he looked at Kageyama, his expression clearing. “Somewhere significantly fun.”

“Oh?” Kageyama arched an eyebrow. “Are we playing-“

“No,” Oikawa cut him off, before he could finish his sentence. “No volleyball. We are going to play some games.”

Kageyama’s mood dropped. He thought it was quite fun, playing volleyball with Oikawa that weekend, Even if he only played on a Sunday, they were quite a good combo, and Kageyama won’t admit, but he went home feeling extra happy. He thought he’d never get the chance to play with Oikawa on the same side of the net again, and yet-

They won almost every single time, and the smile on Oikawa’s face, as the brunette held his hands up for a high five, was looking very, very real to Kageyama.

Not to mention absolutely dashing, but Kageyama stuffed that thought away, before his brain could process it. They were a mess after the telepathy link got exposed, and Kageyama’s thoughts mixed with Oikawa’s and vice versa.

Oikawa’s soft voice inside his head didn’t scare him like he thought it would. He didn’t want Oikawa to hear his strange thoughts.

“Oh come on,” Oikawa said, leaning forward to poke at Kageyama’s cheek. “Don’t be like that.”

“I just don’t get it,” Kageyama grumbled. “Playing volleyball is literally the best bonding time for us, so why-“

Oikawa pinched his cheek, mentally amplifying the effect. Meaning, it hurt twice as it should. “Not today.”

You mean not ever, Kageyama thought, rubbing his aching cheek.

“No, I mean not today,” Oikawa said, levelling him with a look. “There’s time for everything.”

Kageyama glared at the brunette. “Stop doing that, leave my thoughts alone.”

Oikawa grinned. Then stop thinking so loudly, idiot.

The brunette’s voice suddenly ringed inside Kageyama’s head and the boy almost tripped over his feet. “Stop!”

Oikawa laughed, and Kageyama’s face coloured. Why is this guy such a jerk? He could’ve sprained his ankle, or injure himself in some other way, making it difficult to play volleyball, and if he wasn’t able to play volleyball- if he was being dramatic, he’d say that would cause him to die over night.

Who cares if his soulmate is causing him pain, not being able to play volleyball would definitely be worse, since he could still play without one.

Wow what-

“Ay, Tobio relax,” Oikawa said, moving to grab his hand. “You won’t die simply because you’re being clumsy”

“There are many ways to die Oikawa-san and tripping over your feet, hitting your head so it splits open is definitely one of them,” Kageyama said, looking at Oikawa’s hand holding his.

Should he return the grip, or pull away?

“I know cause Tsukishima said that once.”

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “I won’t ask why you guys were having such conversation”

Kageyama shrugged in response. He looked around, seeing they were at the part of town he didn’t usually stroll by. The brunette really kept him in the dark about his plans, and refused to say anything, before they were suddenly standing in front of arcade, that Kageyama didn’t even know was in their town.

How would he, his life circled around volleyball, so things like these were not in his interest.

“What,” he deadpanned looking up at the flashy letters.

“I did say we’ll be playing games,” Oikawa said. “Surely, you were here before?”

“Never,” Kageyama said, feeling a bit annoyed. Was this Oikawa’s attempt to make fun of him, disguising it as bonding time, when in truth, he’ll only embarrass himself?

“Figured,” Oikawa said, looking at him with a strange smile. “Guess we’ll see how much of a prodigy you are, ay?”

Kageyama felt something twisting in his chest. Oikawa’s eyes flashed red from the lights above his head. That foreign dark swirl of emotions was definitely not from Kageyama, because all he was feeling himself, was annoyed confusion. But Oikawa’s tone was a bit off and his smile didn’t look the kindest.

What was that about?

“I’m not-“ Kageyama started, but Iwaizumi’s voice cut through.

Ah, so really, Iwaizumi was here as well, naturally. He’s not opposed to the ace being there, but why does Oikawa always insist on having the guy around? He was always there, if not the whole time a part of it, and Kageyama started thinking, that maybe Iwaizumi also knows something he himself doesn’t. Perhaps the thing Oikawa doesn’t want him to know, Iwaizumi is aware of.

Still, what’s the big deal?

There were two others, that came with Iwaizumi, and Kageyama thought nothing of them at first. But as soon as their faces cleared, Kageyama glared as something uncomfortable tightened his chest. He was turning around, an excuse already on the tip of his tongue, when Oikawa simply tightened his hold on his hand and pulled him forward.

Not sparing the younger a chance to even walk a step. He didn't look at Kageyama as he waved to his best friend, a wide smile on his face, that Kageyama now knew, was not real.

Hell, fuck no, can we leave? Kageyama thought, positioning himself behind Oikawa's back.

He politely waved at Iwaizumi who sent him a warm smile, and impolitely ignored the other two boys standing beside his former senpai.

Nope. That'd be hella rude Tobio-chan, Oikawa's voice ringed trough his mind. He sounded annoyed. Kageyama never before felt such a violent urge to run.

It's rude to bring an outsider to a closed team bonding time.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow and looked briefly at Kageyama over his shoulder. That's not what this is. Why would you think that?

Then why the fuck are they here? Kageyama angrily projected his thoughts to Oikawa, who completely ignored his inner turmoil. He was talking about some new type of game he wants to try and something about tickets. Kageyama didn't even bother to notice they were going in the arcade, because he was too busy being angry at this treason Oikawa had pulled on him. 

Would you believe me if I told you, it was their idea?

Oikawa-san. They hate me.

The two boys that awkwardly followed them were Kindaichi and Kunimi. Kageyama hoped he'd never have to see either of them, because they remind him of his horrible time at middle school. The embarrassing game, where no one listened to him, and they left him standing alone on the other side of the court.

He still feels that terror sometimes, and he can't forget the angry faces. Kindaichi's words, how they were never even friends. They probably came here to mock him and subtly project their hatred on him. Considering he's Oikawa's soulmate, the captain probably wants them to get along, but that's hardly believable. Because Oikawa was there.

He saw what happened. Why would he do this to him?

"So let’s go, but we don’t have that much time since this boy" Oikawa nodded to Kageyama, who was still refusing to be an active part of the conversation, "shouldn’t go to sleep late, considering he had practice today.”

Kageyama grumbled. "Shut the fuck up. I'm used to going to sleep late and waking up at the ass crack of dawn."

Oikawa gave him a look. Why would you think they hate you? Did they personally tell you that?

Iwaizumi was oblivious to their mind conversation, or perhaps he pretended he couldn't tell.  "Why would you wake up at ass crack of dawn Kageyama? That's so unhealthy."

I have eyes, motherfucker. "A habit I guess."

You're overreacting. You didn't even talk to them properly, did you?

I didn't fucking want to.

Oikawa made a face, before he waved at Iwaizumi. "You guys go ahead. I need to have a quick word with this grumpy cat over here."

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow in question, to which Oikawa responded with a simple look. Kageyama was very confused upon witnessing that, and even more so, when Iwaizumi made a face back, and Oikawa tilted his head. It was like they had a whole conversation, just in a matter of facial expressions, and Iwaizumi sighed, before dragging Kindaichi and Kunimi with him, to the cash register.

Huh. Why did the way Iwaizumi and Oikawa communicated without words made him feel incredibly bitter?

Kageyama didn't even notice the flashing lights of all the gaming automates and all different types of machines, because he was too busy glaring holes at Oikawa's back. He should have paid more attention to his surroundings, because now it was probably too late for him to run away. He's already inside the stupid arcade.

Oikawa barely waited long enough for Iwaizumi and the two boys to be out of the earshot, before he pulled Kageyama to the side. His face was illuminated by the red and purple lights from the neon signs, and Kageyama had troubles with reading his expression.

"Listen Tobio-chan, I didn't mean to make this uncomfortable for you" he started carefully. "I just had a thought we should do something fun together."

"I wouldn't mind that, if it was just you and me!" Kageyama hissed. "I thought this was going to be our bonding time not 'Torture Kageyama' time! Unless you consider putting me in a very uncomfortable situation bonding time."

Oikawa sighed. Kageyama felt angrier. "No, no listen, we have plenty of time, for the two of us to bond over various things, don't worry about that -"

"A! You lied again!" Kageyama yelled, raising his hand to point at Oikawa.

"No," Oikawa frowned, grabbing the younger's accusing hand. "I didn't. I just didn't tell you, that Kindaichi and Kunimi wanted a proper chance to speak to their long-lost bestie. Am I such a bad guy for that?"

Kageyama stared at Oikawa. So this was actually his plan? What did those two say for Oikawa to gladly go along with this stupid trick? As far as he's concerned, those two want absolutely nothing to do with him.

"You're the absolute worst," Kageyama said, his tone lacking heat. "I'm leaving -" he said, already turning, but Oikawa was still tightly holding his wrist.

"Tobio, I'm serious," Oikawa said softly. "They did in fact approach me and ask me for a chance. Would you just listen to them?"

Kageyama looked at Kindaichi and Kunimi, standing beside Iwaizumi, who was pretending he was not eavesdropping on their conversation. They didn't look much interested. Their faces were indifferent, blank, void from literally any trace of sadness or guilt. Is Oikawa trying to trick him, yet again?

"I really don't want to hear anything they have to say. You shouldn't intervene," Kageyama said.

Oikawa hummed. "Then… would you please, just endure it? For me?"

That for me, was said so softly and quietly, Kageyama almost missed it. It was underlined with some strange warmth and softness that Kageyama really couldn't say no. He was mad at himself, and definitely enraged with Oikawa for the way he deceived him yet again.

But he couldn't help himself, he noticed he was getting weaker. Oikawa made his heart so damn soft, that he could ask literally anything, and Kageyama'd give it willingly. He won't admit it out loud of course, but lately he’s having problems keeping the brunette at arm’s length.

Damn it. He’s losing his edge.

“Fine,” he grumbled through gritted teeth. He looked at Oikawa with cold eyes. “But only this time, and you owe me.”

Oikawa pursed his lips. "Okay-"

"We better play volleyball after this, or else I will..." Kageyama grit his teeth. "I'll get mad."

The brunette stared at him for a moment, before he winked. "Fine by me."

He should have said no.

He really should stand his ground, because that bastard didn't even hesitate to leave him alone with his two acquaintances. He saw something on the other side of the room, his brown eyes flashing, and all he did was give Kageyama a stack of coupons.

"Have fun don't be a buzkill Tobio-chan!" he winked at him, before he just dragged Iwaizumi away, and left him behind.

Wait no- "Oikawa-san where are you going?" he called after him, panic barely evident in his voice.

Come back here you fucker!

“There’s something we gotta check we’ll come back, don’t you worry,” the brunette said.

Don't blow this up again, ringed in his mind as he gave him a sickeningly sweet smile over shoulder, before he disappeared behind the rows of gaming stations.

Oikawa-san you-

Blah blah blah. C’mon Tobio, do it for me okay?

That was the last thing he heard, before his mind suddenly stopped buzzing, and his own voice was echoing back. Did Oikawa ignore him on purpose?

He had no other choice but to indulge this, until the bastard comes back. He felt so embarrassed, because he doesn’t even know what to pick, or where to go, and those two boys were simply standing beside him in awkward silence.

It was so awkward Kageyama cursed Oikawa with every single slur and curse word he could think of, hoping that the bastard could hear his lovely words.

Refusing to come across as a loser Kindaichi and Kunimi probably think of him as, he picked one random game that looked easy enough. He didn’t even bother with trying to understand it. He cursed again, as he realised it was not a single player game. Kindaichi was chosen as his opponent, because he supposedly knew how to play it, and Kageyama’s emabarssment only doubled.

However, it wasn’t so bad. He was actually winning, despite not even knowing what he was supposed to be doing, and KIndaichi was obviously losing his interest. Which was not that much of a problem, because sooner as the boy gets bored, sooner he stop this.

"Rematch," he said bluntly as he won yet another time not even bothering to ask if Kindaichi wants another round.

By playing he distracted himself from this ongoing disaster, and waste some time before Oikawa comes back. He had won almost every round, and he got a nice stack of golden tickets, which were used to get the reward.

At least he'll get something out of this fuckery.

After few more rounds, Kunimi suddenly spoke up: "Wow, weren't you supposed to be pro at this man?"

"Shut up," Kindaichi said, probably meaning to sound bitter, but it didn't do the trick. "It's not my fault, I haven't played it in a while."

Kageyama hoped they'll continue their conversation without him. Yet, as soon as he thought that Kindaichi said: "Besides, Kageyama probably played it before."

It would be very rude of him to pretend he's deaf, because both boys looked at him expectantly. Like they actually were desperate for a chance to talk, and man, did Kageyama hate that. Why was Oikawa right again?

"Never."

"Wha-" Kindaichi actually looked surprised. "This is your first time playing?"

"My first time being in this goddamn building," Kageyama said bitterly. He doesn't have to be nice and polite to them, does he?

"No way-"

"Rematch be quiet," Kageyama said, already pushing the button, before Kindaichi grabbed his hand. It felt like he was electrocuted.

"Wait, Kageyama, can we talk for a moment?" Kindaichi said quietly.

Kageyama wanted to say no. He pulled his hand harshly away. "And why should we do that? There's nothing to talk about."

A glance was exchanged between the other two boys. Kageyama turned his attention back to the blinking machine in front of him.

"We, um wanted to talk to you about something," Kunimi was the one who spoke up. "That's why we asked Oikawa-san to let us come with you guys today."

Motherfucker.

"Whatever, I don't care," Kageyama said, his voice ignorant and cold. "It's not like we're friends or anything. We don't have to make this awkward if it doesn't have to be-"

"Kageyama I didn't fucking mean that," Kindaichi said, his tone harsh.

The boy paused and raised a single eyebrow in question. He remembers the day as it was yesterday. Everything that happened, every small thing that made him feel angry, or disappointed, or just generally bad, he can recall every fucking detail.

It's hard to forget something like that. Especially the sound of ball bouncing of the polished gym floor because no one was there to receive his set.

"You did though, and that's fine," Kageyama said, counting the golden tickets he got from his wins. "Just because Oikawa-san is my soulmate doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be nice to me. This is probably the last time we'll see each other outside of the court so don't bother."

He didn't think he was too harsh, but when he looked up, he saw the two boys were looking absolutely devastated. Like they were the ones who were betrayed. They had no right looking so crestfallen because of his words.

Kindaichi blinked angrily. “Oikawa-san didn't say shit about us getting along with you because of your bond. We wanted to fix things ourselves."

That was… unexpected.

"What?" Kageyama said.

Kunimi sighed, and took a step forward. "We wanted to apologise and make amends. Because we'd like for us to get along again, like we used to before…"

Before you fucking left me-

"Right" Kageyama rolled his eyes. "Cause you guys think I'm that stupid -"

"Kageyama please," Kindaichi said, also taking a step. Kageyama now understood why those two were so in sync. They were definitely bonded. That fact made things worse.

"Can we start over? From today?"

Kageyama was so tempted to say no. To curse their existence, to say something so bad and mean, that he himself couldn't believe he could actually think of something that cruel. But he remembered Oikawa himself asked him to at least try. He doesn't have to initiate contact with them right? He can be passive about this whole thing, and that's already a great accomplishment.

"Whatever," Kageyama said, turning back to the game. "Kunimi, it's your turn. Fight me."

"Wha- Hell no, I don't fucking know how to play this!"

Kageyama looked at the other boy. "I don't either. Now shut your mouth, and fight me." He pressed a button. "Or I'm cancelling your free trial of friendship with me before it even-"

"Okay fine, fine," Kunimi said then, approaching the machine.

The mood changed for the better in a matter of seconds, and it was so obvious. The two boys got comfortable to make causal conversation, including Kageyama and the boys himself was a bit surprised. He thought this whole thing was just an act but…

There wasn't a trace of hostility in Kindaichi's eyes.

Kageyama was surprised to realise he was actually having fun. He even forgot he was supposed to be mad at Oikawa for his betrayal, and didn’t even realise the brunette didn’t return.

They went to exchange the tickets, and Kageyama was now staring at all the things with bored disinterest. Various figurines, some strange colourful stuff, childish toys. But there was in an open box, a pretty golden ring. It was definitely pretty, and Kunimi told him Kindaichi has been trying to get it for some time, but his winning strike wasn’t looking so good.

He could technically get it, but he doesn’t wear rings. They’d only come in the way, and he’d have to take them off every day for practice. He’d definitely lose it one day, or forget it behind in the locker room. And he’s pretty sure Oikawa wouldn’t wear it either if-

Ah. Why does that matter? He should pick the prize for himself, not Oikawa. Why did he start looking at the things beneath the glass, wondering what that bastard would like?

A small keychain then caught his attention. It was a black bird with wings spread, like it was caught mid flying. It resembled a crow, with golden lined feathers. It looked very pretty, but definitely not something Oikawa would appreciate having. Considering him being enrolled in Karasuno, opposing Aoba Jouhsai, that might come across as mockery. Or perhaps it could be –

It doesn’t matter. He himself likes it, so he will get it. Why is he getting so worked up suddenly?

Someone tapped on his shoulder just as he stuffed the keychain in his pocket, ignoring Kindaichi’s fuming. He was uselessly bantering with Kunimi about something Kageyama couldn’t bother even to pretend he’s interested in. He was still stepping on brakes with them, just because they said they want to be friends again, he won’t just suddenly start acting all buddy-buddy with them.

The sudden touch on his shoulder startled him out of his foggy thoughts, and he turned abruptly to see Oikawa standing right behind him, “Ah, Oikawa-san, I didn’t hear you.”

Ah, damn it. He didn’t hear him contemplating about this, did he?

The brunette arched an eyebrow. “Figured. What were you thinking about so intensely for?” He looked over Kageyama’s shoulder, peering at the things behind the glass. “Is choosing one of these really such a chore?”

“No, I already got what I wanted, thank you very much,” Kageyama said, feeling embarrassed for some reason. He turned to Kindaichi to shove the rest of the golden cards in the other boy’s lap, before looking at Oikawa. “Can we go now?”

Oikawa looked at him, arching an eyebrow. Was it that bad?

Out loud he said: “What’s the hurry?”

Can’t say.

“I’ve had enough playing these games. Can’t even have a real challenge,” he answered dully.

Iwaizumi snorted, looking at Kindaichi. “Isn’t this your field of expertise?”

The younger looked somewhere on the verge of being offended, or crying, and Kageyama shrugged to himself. That’s definitely not his problem. He was looking at Oikawa, who seemed a bit out of it for a brief second. A twitch of his eyebrow was an obvious indicator something was off, but he didn’t feel anything apart from his own boredom and a twinge of discomfort.

He thought of calling him out on it, but the brunette flashed him a smile not a second later, obviously telling him to leave it. Kageyama frowned. What’s this shit again?

However, Oikawa took him into account and they didn’t waste much more time by playing games. Kindaichi and Kunimi ganged up on him and his lack of experience around arcades, and all the fun stuff apparently. He was forced to participate in karaoke some stupid dance off. He got so mad for being dragged into this one in particular because Oikawa just didn’t stop laughing at him.

Kageyama didn’t find any of this funny, but hearing Oikawa’s carefree laughter was something he just couldn’t get mad about.

After two dreadful hours of embarrassing himself, Kunimi and KIndaichi had another brilliant suggestion. Or rather, a proposal Kageyama couldn’t deny because apparently, he has to try it at least once. That proposal was to make Oikawa buy all of them slushies. Kageyama didn’t even know what that stuff was, and as he got the cup in his hand, his first thought was to pour that stuff on Kindaichi’s head.

It looked so wrong, the boy was sure he was being picked on again. But he saw Kindaichi and Kunimi happily drinking that weird shit, so maybe, it wasn’t going to kill him?

However. The drink was blue, the shade of it was definitely wrong, it was too bright. It was also way too cold, and he could feel it pulsing in his forehead. Definitely not a good sign.

Iwaizumi suddenly decided he’s going to challenge his kouhais in yet another game before they leave, and just dragged them away. Kageyama didn’t even bother to pretend he heard of it, as he contemplated if he should risk drinking the blue stuff.

Oikawa waved them off, and boy was Kageyama glad he didn’t make him follow the trio.  The brunette also had one cup of the suspicious icy drink, but his was pink. Way too pink, and Kageyama eyed it with even more suspicion than his own cup. He bribed Kageyama into taking a sip of the blue stuff, and the boy complied.

He scrunched his face in great discomfort.

“Why such sour expression?” Oikawa asked, looking at him with a smug expression. Kageyama noticed he had something tucked under his arm, hiding it from the younger’s view.

“They lied to me,” Kageyama said, looking at the blue ice with distaste. “This was supposed to be blueberry but it’s just sickeningly sweet and cold. No flavour whatsoever.”

The brunette laughed at his grumbling. Kageyama glared at him. “The colour is way off as well. This is the fakest blueberry shade of colour I had ever seen. And yours also looks like some sort of soap or something.”

His glare hardened at Oikawa’s continuous chuckling. “This is not funny Oikawa-san.”

“Hah, I find it adorably amusing,” Oikawa said, his eyes looking warmer than the icy blue liquid in Kageyama’s hands. “You’re so stupidly adorable Tobio-chan.”

“Are you calling me stupid?” Kageyama narrowed his eyes. His fingers tightened around the cup. Perhaps he should throw it at Oikawa’s stupid handsome face.

Oikawa winked at him, and Kageyama’s face flushed. Out of rage for being making fun of, of course. “Perhaps. You are a little silly though, this is not supposed to be some fruit juice you know.”

“No, I don’t. How was I supposed to know?” Kageyama settled on a carefully aimed kick to Oikawa’s ankle. The boy saw it coming, and dodged Kageyama’s leg.

“Hah, don’t worry about it,” Oikawa said then, letting Kageyama off the hook. He put his arm around Kageyama’s shoulders, pulling the boy close to himself. “The important part is that you tried it. It’s the experience that counts.”

Kageyama blinked, attempting to say something back, but Oikawa suddenly pulled him to some random bench, and took the slushie from his hands. Kageyama was solely focused on Oikawa’s arm around his shoulder, so he barely noticed the lack of the cup in his hands. Something soft and considerably warm replaced the freezing cold.

“Huh?” Kageyama blinked, looking at the thing placed in his hands. It was a plush panda, arguably big, with an adorable face with big shiny blue eyes, sparkled with silver glitters. It was definitely cute, but holding it seemed so wrong, because that’s not something that should be given to a boy.

He looked at Oikawa, sceptical. The brunette was looking at him innocently, neon lights of the arcade making his face shine in purple and pink shades. “What is this Oikawa-san?”

“That, is a plushie Tobio,” Oikawa said leaning his head on his fist, propping his elbow on his knee, legs crossed. He still had that disgustingly pink slushie in his other hand. “And it’s for you.”

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. “Are you mocking me?”

He didn’t want to misunderstand anything. He could win it at one of the games and decided to make fun of Kageyama by giving him the cutest plushie he got.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “No, why would you think that?” He raised his cup, taking a sip of his icy drink through the straw. Kageyama observed the motion of his lips, before he caught himself and looked away with a red face. It’s not like Oikawa could see him blushing, since the neon lights were too bright.

“Cause…” Kageyama glared at the cute animal in his hands, trying to distract himself from his sudden nasty thoughts. He kept his eyes on the panda, subtly shifting away, leaving a bit more space between his and Oikawa’s thigh. Why is he getting so worked up?

“This is something you’d give… to your girlfriend.”

Perhaps Oikawa caught on something and decided to be a menace about it, as he shuffled closer, his shoulder knocking Kageyama’s. “Okay, and?”

There was a hint of humour in his voice, a hint of a smile, but Kageyama didn’t dare to look at the older boy, because he could tell Oikawa’s face was way too close for his liking.

“What do you mean and? I’m not -“ Kageyama started, suddenly feeling irritated. He didn’t know why, but saying he’s not Oikawa’s girlfriend was something he didn’t want to hear himself say out loud.

Never minding the fact, that he truly is not. Just what is his exact status? They do have some relationship going on, being bonded and all that, but they’re what, friends at best? Oikawa definitely doesn’t look at him as his girlfriend, that’s for sure.

“I’m not a girl, Oikawa-san,” he said, dully, his fingers gripping the soft plushie.

“So?” Oikawa said, obviously not planning on helping him out.

Kageyama felt his eye twitch. He risked looking at the brunette beside him. Oikawa’s smile told him he had a hunch about his inner turmoil.

Oh shit.

“This is something you’d give to a girl, Oikawa-san.” Kageyama said bitterly, recalling all those fangirls, waiting in front of the gym with their flowers and chocolates and God knows what. Oikawa always had a bunch of females looking at him, giving him things, only for Oikawa to give them his stupid dashing smile in return. And all he used to get were the nasty hateful glares and insincere smiles.

Those girls are practical nobodies meanwhile he’s actually bonded to the guy, with his stupid name on his body. And the difference in treatment is… disappointing, to say the least.

“You’re obviously making fun of me, so this is making me feel very angry,” Kageyama said, glaring back at the plushie in his hands. Bet Oikawa would give this to his soulmate, if he was someone else. A female perhaps.

Is this his way of saying he doesn’t want him to think about Oikawa in a certain way? Well it’s too late for that now. He might not know what exactly he’s feeling but fuck. He’s definitely screwed.

“Hah, my dear Tobio-chan,” Oikawa said smugly, his tone making Kageyama shiver. “I am definitely not mocking, or making fun of you in any way whatsoever,” the brunette said, leaning closer, circling a left arm around Kageyama.

The boy felt his throat close up.

“This is something I won at the game earlier,” Oikawa said, caressing the plushie in Kageyama’s hands. The younger’s fingers clenched.

Wow, why is he getting angry with a plushie?

“I thought it was very cute, and it reminded me of you.”

Kageyama was very glad for the bright neon lights, concealing his flushed face. He really shouldn’t let Oikawa’s words get to him, but –

“You… how does this remind you of me?” Kageyama said, through the lump in his throat.

This feeling is something he never felt before, and the way he can’t label it is pissing him off. It makes him want to scream, do something violent, kick Oikawa off the bench, or perhaps pull him closer and do something dumb.

Oikawa leaned closer. “Why, because it’s making me mad by the way how cute it is,” the brunette said, tugging on the panda’s ear.

“I mean look at it, it’s soft and fluffy, and it has the same eye colour as you. Even the expression is the same.”

Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat, his scars pulsed. His eyes followed the motion of Oikawa’s fingers, as he caressed the plushie. Oikawa’s face was right beside his, so Kageyama had to look at him from the corner of his eye, to avoid any collision.

“This would be you, if you were a panda,” Oikawa said.

That was a very dumb thing to say, so Kageyama laughed. “As if. Why are you giving it to me, if it reminds you of me though?”

Oikawa didn’t say anything for a long, moment. Kageyama carefully looked at him, to see the brunette staring intently at the panda. He was still caressing it slowly, almost absentmindedly. The younger couldn’t tell what he was thinking about, but he could tell Oikawa wasn’t feeling irritated or angry, despite the frown on his face.

“Huh,” Oikawa blinked himself out of his daze. “Well, now that you’ve said it, it doesn’t make sense, but I’ve won it for you,” the brunette said, pulling his hand away, brushing the top of Kageyama’s hand as he did so.

“It was my intention to give you something, and that was the first prize.”

He pursed his lips, before he reached for the bear again. “If you don’t want it you can give it back-“

Kageyama hugged the panda to his chest, turning away from the brunette. “Hell no. This is mine now, no take backs, back off.”

Oikawa laughed softly, raising his arms, but not making any clear attempt of moving further away. The brunette focused back on slurping his slushie in the most obnoxious way possible, probably meaning to be extremely annoying. Kageyama kicked his ankle, earning a pained yelp in return, but the anger on Oikawa’s face was only on the surface.

The keychain in Kageyama’s pocket suddenly felt heavy. Considering Oikawa gave him this… should he give him the keychain? Well, he did have a thought of giving it, but now it surely does seem, like he should, right?

Kageyama looked at the brunette beside him, feeling his heart beat loudly, he could practically hear it in his ears. The brunette’s face was illuminated by the various colourful lights, making him seem a bit unreal. Kageyama’s violent intrusive thoughts returned at the moment, Oikawa averted his eyes to him.

A moment passed, in which they both stayed silent, and merely stared at each other. It’s weird, how this exact thing would make Kageyama feel incredibly uncomfortable, if Oikawa was someone else. Like if Hinata suddenly sat so close to him, looking at him so intently, Kageyama would definitely kick  push him away. But as he stared at Oikawa, his urge to push and shove turned into pull and tug.

His mind was completely silent now, which he was grateful for. Because he didn’t want to embarrass himself, or make Oikawa uncomfortable, by thinking something inappropriate. But the thought crawled inside his mind, and he saw Oikawa’s lips arch in a smile.

Oh God no.

He forced himself to think about absolutely nothing, or rather about how much the slushie made him mad. Yes, feeling angry about that abomination is definitely better than letting his mind drift into the wrong direction. People are around, Iwaizumi is somewhere around the corner, and he doesn’t want to risk it, in case Oikawa does something he won’t be ready for.

Like, punch him in the face for example.

Perhaps Oikawa realised he was trying to distract himself, as his eyes flashed with some spark of understanding. However, he didn’t say anything, as he choose to ruin the moment by obnoxiously drinking his pink slushie, and Kageyama’s rage got real.

“That is so disgusting, I can’t even look at you right now,” Kageyama said with hot face, turning away from his soulmate.

Oikawa laughed at him again, and the sound was so bright and real, Kageyama had weird urge to cry. Was that because that was one of those rare times, when Oikawa’s laughter wasn’t faked, or mean?

“Oh my sweet adorable Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sighed, leaning his head on Kageyama’s shoulder. “You’re so easy to rile up. Did you know that?”

“I’m flattered you find my rage adorable,” Kageyama responded, feeling like his heart is going to choke him.

Very adorable indeed, Oikawa’s soft voice came back into Kageyama’s empty mind. He probably wasn’t supposed to hear that, was he?

They stayed like there for a while, and somewhere along their arms got intertwined. Kageyama doesn’t exactly remember what they were talking about, probably something pointless. As he simply  sat there, with Oikawa’s head on his shoulder and a plushie in his lap, the boy came to a realisation, that he wasn’t feeling any pain or discomfort. The way their elbows locked around each other seemed so right, and Oikawa’s simple presence just made so much sense.

That thought scared him a bit, and a sharp pain slashed through his chest, but he ignored it. It probably wasn’t anything worth of registering anyway.

Iwaizumi came looking for them with devastated pair of juniors behind him few minutes later. Kageyama didn’t really bother to fake his sympathy for the younger two as they wailed to him, because they lost. Oikawa laughed at his kouhais and started mocking them, and Kageyama just sighed.

Iwaizumi looked at him with a soft spark in his eyes, and gave him a small smile. Kageyama didn’t really understand the meaning behind the expression. But for some reason, he could breathe a little easier.

“Alrighty, let’s go my fellow men,” Oikawa said then, after he was done poking fun at his kouhais. He sat up, and pulled Kageyama along by the elbow.

Kageyama hugged the plushie tightly to his aching chest and followed along.  

Chapter Text

Oikawa felt like he’s going to combust and die. Their outing went pretty well, because Kageyama was actually having fun, despite his grumpy expression. He seemed to like the plushie he gifted him, if the way he refused to let it go was any sign to go by.

Even as they went to get some udon, the boy kept it in his lap. The brunette found that incredibly adorable, so he snapped a picture when the boy wasn’t looking. His chest felt warm, but his stomach was turning against him the whole day. His scars tingled, but he kept telling himself, that that is a perfectly good sign. Pain is good in their case, right?

Iwaizumi looked at him with concerned expression from time to time, but he brushed him off. Sometime along the way, he started keeping certain things from his best friend as well. He was aware he shouldn’t have done that, but how was he supposed to tell him, that even after all these weeks, everything still hurts? It shouldn’t hurt so much, but in the end, he did something that should be irreversible.

After all his efforts, things weren’t looking that much better. He felt like he was running in a painful circle, because every time he felt like something went right, his temples would pulse. Or his scars would tingle, and his chest would strain. He thought nothing of it, but a simple reminder. There’s really no need to dwell on the matter so much.

He thought about his strange dreams, once in a while. It was terrifying in a way, how accurate his projected persona was. It did seem, like he was having a conversation with himself from two years ago. Was that just a memory, a dream made from fragments of his past mind set, and vivid memories of the emotions he felt on his 16^th birthday? Was that something he should take seriously, or was that nothing but a strange coincidence? Whatever it was, he didn’t discuss it with anyone.

He thought of asking Kageyama, if he’s been having such strange dreams, but the boy was already emotionally unstable sometimes, he didn’t want to cause himself another headache. Iwaizumi was an option, but… he caused that guy enough issues as it is. So of course, he did what he did once before: shoved it somewhere where he couldn’t even think about and pretended it didn’t happen.

Weird enough it worked.

“Hey Iwa-chan,” he called out to his best friend, his voice coming off as bored. When actually, he felt a bit anxious.

Iwaizumi was sitting on the floor by his bed, looking through some notebook. Funny, how their position was similar as that one day in December, when Oikawa had a harsh reality check. “What?”

Oikawa was laying on the bed, facing the ceiling. His right arm was raised, a certain keychain dangling off his middle finger. He’s been staring at the offensive thing for some time now, at least fifteen minutes. The crow shaped pendant made him feel various. First, he was pissed off, because the wings reminded him of Karasuno crows who stole his spot on the Nationals. His last chance to obliterate that Ushiwaka bastard, once and for all. It was like he was being mocked.

But on the other hand, this crow was a gift. He knew it wasn’t thought to be a salt in the open wound, because he clearly remembers Kageyama’s expression, and the boy’s feelings as he squeezed the keychain in the brunette’s palm. Oikawa picked the right day to bring the younger to the arcade, because later, when he shooed Iwaizumi and his two juniors home, there was a firework show.

It was very nice, and the colours of the fireworks reflected off of Kageyama’s face at all the right edges, making Oikawa realise the boy wasn’t even that bad looking. That was an understatement of course, because Oikawa still partly denied himself certain thoughts and feelings. But something moved his heart as he was looking at the younger’s face that night, and the pain that slashed through his hip wasn’t even that bad.

Not only, had the younger the audacity to look stunning under all the various bright colours, he also dared to give him this stupid keychain. Just before the last round of fireworks started, the younger called to him softly, with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“I, uh earlier…” Kageyama started, not looking at the brunette. Oikawa thought of messing with him,  but he sensed it wasn’t a good moment for him to be an asshole, so he refrained, and stood beside him quietly. “In a game with Kindaichi I was winning, you see…”

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “I know. Kindaichi got mad about it, why are you bringing him up now?” His tone was a bit annoyed, and maybe he felt a bit bitter, because that guy wanted to leave as soon as he saw Kindaichi so why –

“It’s not that,” Kageyama said hurriedly, cutting off Oikawa’s stream of thoughts. “It’s just um..here.” He grabbed Oikawa’s hand, and gave him the keychain, squeezing the small pendant in Oikawa’s palm.

He was surprised, at the sudden wave of nervousness he felt, as he looked down at his hand. Kageyama still held his closed fist for another moment, before he retracted his hand, and backed away for a step. The brunette opened his palm to see the crow.

“Hm…what’s this?” he asked, lifting up the keychain. It looked like it was hand made, black wings lined with golden strings. It didn’t look as cheap as the things in that glass box can be.

Annoyance pricked at him as he recognised the bird and perhaps Kageyama felt it, as he hurried to explain: “It’s just that you gave me the plushie, so I’m giving you this. It’s a crow, but I thought.. It’d be nice, because…”

Oikawa waited for a moment, looking at the younger without any significant expression on his face. Kageyama looked at him then, his blue eyes almost as sparkly as the glitter filled eyes pf the plushie the boy was still hugging. He could tell the boy is going to say something stupid, because his stomach twisted painfully.

“It’s something you can keep with you everyday, so it would remind you of me.”

A sentence so simple, but Oikawa’s heart started beating so fast and loud, he felt he was louder than the fireworks, that resumed a second later. He stood there frozen, staring at the younger, feeling a wild, violent impulse to do something reckless. Like for example, kiss those words off of Kageyama’s lips. The intensity of his sudden thought made his heart stop for a wild second, before speeding up in a wild rhythm again, forcing all the blood to his face. 

It hurt as well, but that pain didn’t hurt him as much as his own thoughts. He didn’t act on it, but at the end, he couldn’t really help himself. He escorted the other boy home, made sure the younger had fun, before he walked away. But something was tugging at his heart strings, painfully and consistently, he couldn’t ignore it any longer. He grit his teeth, before he turned around, and marched towards the younger. He yanked his arm, bending down, to press a quick kiss to the boy’s cheek.

He was still uncertain about Kageyama’s response, if he suddenly kissed him on his lips.

“Make sure to dream of me Tobio-chan,” he said lamely, before he almost ran away with feverish face.

He bled through his bandage again, as he got home, but his head was way too fuzzy for him to properly acknowledge his wound reopened.

Here he is now, staring at the gifted pendant, feeling like it might be one of his most prized possessions. He called Iwaizumi over for no reason, at first, before he came to a wild realisation, and wanted to discuss it with his number one confidant.

“Say, love hurts, doesn’t it?” the brunette said, eyes still locked on the crow.

Iwaizumi dropped the notebook almost immediately, looking at his best friend with surprised expression on his face. “What did you say?”

Oikawa sighed. Ah, his chest is feeling tight again. “People say love hurts, don’t they?”

“Well yeah,” Iwaizumi said carefully. He didn’t expect Oikawa to suddenly say something like this out of nowhere. In fact, he barely expected anything at all, since he didn’t get much updates. He did see a certain change in his best friend’s expression though. “But why are you asking me this?”

“Hm…” Oikawa didn’t really know either. But he had a thought, and he shouldn’t be left alone with them. Especially after that one thought he had three years ago. “It’s just that, it makes sense to me now. If I look at this situation from this angle.”

No one avoided pain, when it comes to soulmates. Soul marking is a process when someone’s soul gets connected to yours. Someone’s name gets carved into your body, so it’s honestly bound to hurt, no matter the circumstances. It’s true that some pairs are not involved romantically, but that doesn’t make much sense to the brunette. Cause a soulmate is someone who is a literal match for you, they have the things you lack. Why would you waste something like that with someone who’s not even right for you?

Why did he realise this now, after he almost destroyed everything?

“What,” Iwiazumi said. Oikawa didn’t see his bewildered expression.

“It makes sense, that it hurts so much, that’s what I’m saying,” the brunette said, clenching his fist around the crow. “Sucks that it’s so bad, but what, it’s partially my fault for this.”

Iwaizumi was quiet for a moment, and Oikawa thought he might’ve said something wrong again. He craned his neck, so he could look at his best friend without sitting up. He couldn’t read Iwaizumi’s expression clearly.

“What?”

“I’m guessing your date went well then?” Iwaizumi said then, his voice sounding smug.

Oikawa huffed, rolling his eyes. “I doubt he even understood that was a date. In fact he probably didn’t considering you guy were there for an hour, before we went our separate ways. He definitely had fun, that’s what counts, right?”

His words were met with stunned silence once more, and Oikawa rolled over on his stomach. He pushed himself up, looking at Iwiazumi’s stupid face with annoyance. “What is wrong with you Iwa-chan? Stop looking at me like I’m a complete idiot for once-“

“I’m just wondering, if you meant something specific,” Iwaizumi said then, still having a stupid smug expression on his face.

Oikawa’s eye twitched rather angrily. Was he being mocked or something? “Huh? You trying to patronise me or some shit a?”

Iwaizumi arched an eyebrow. “No, I’m just making an observation. I thought we were just having some friendly hang out. And you just said you took Kageyama on a date afterwards. Not to mention you’ve been staring at that crow keychain for an hour with that stupid grin of yours, and you suddenly started talking how love hurts and shit. Like, a guy starts to think-“

Oikawa’s brain short circuited as he realised what his best friend was hinting at, perhaps a moment too late. He shoved at Iwaizumi, suddenly feeling uncomfortable pressure in his chest and the scarred tissue. “Ayo, wait a second, it’s not like that!”

Iwaizumi raised the other eyebrow, his expression changing. “Why, it’s not like it shouldn’t be like that?”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Oikawa chanted shaking his head disapprovingly. He shouldn’t feel like this, since it will only cause additional complications on his part. He told himself, he’ll only go as far as being the boy’s ultimate best friend, that he won’t go as far as falling in love.

He made that decision as he realised the younger has way too much pent-up frustration and anger with him that’s only waiting too blow up one day, and perhaps kill him. An overstatement, he hopes, but still. Sure the younger said some things, did some things that turned his stomach -not in unpleasant way, but after all, he was at fault for some extent, for Kageyama’s descent as King of the Court.

He can’t fix that at all.

“What do you mean no you fucking idiot,” Iwaizumi said, returning the shove he received with a solid punch.  “That’s the whole point stupid! You finally got where you should be from the start, so don’t go backing off now!”

Oikawa didn’t expect his best friend to punch him so hard, so he gracefully fell over to the side. “But, wait no, that’s not-“

“Yes it fucking is,” Iwaizumi said, slapping Oikawa’s bicep. The brunette’s eye twitched. Why is he getting beat up suddenly? “This is literally what the doctor was trying to see you understand. Love is the only solution for you guys, and now you’re finally on the horizon of happiness, if you fuck this up, I’ll kill you myself.”

Iwaizumi was looking at him with some sort of parental expression, and Oikawa didn’t doubt for a second, that the other boy was bluffing with his sudden threats. But god damn it, he was beyond frightened again. Who is sure to tell, what’s Kageyama’s reaction going to be?

“So get your shit together, and seal the bond before it breaks again!” Iwaizumi said, but now his voice sounded wrong.

Oikawa blinked at him. “Wait what did you say?”

“End this, before the bond gets sealed,” the voice coming from Iwaizumi’s mouth didn’t sound like his best friend at all. It was like a hollow twisted version of his own voice, and Oikawa didn’t need long to recognise his nightmare persona. Glaring at him with that hateful glare, that one expression his face twisted in three years ago.

He felt that slippery, wet felling of blood dripping down his hand once again. The room was dark suddenly, and his scars hurt so vividly, like someone was cutting him open. He couldn’t move at all, as he felt fingers closing around his throat and squeezing slowly. What is going on? “If you don’t want to die, break it, before it breaks on its own you fucking-“

“-Idiot! So don’t even dare to do something regretful,” Iwaizumi’s voice cut through again. “That means, stupid, you hear me?”

The pressure around his throat released in an instant, but the tingling sensation in his aching scars remained. Iwaizumi was standing before him leaning down, pointing at his face with an accusing finger, like a mother scolding his child. The familiarity of Iwaizumi’s stern expression was strangely comforting.

He didn’t know how long he was sitting there frozen for. He swatted at Iwaizumi’s hand. “Yes, mother I understand.”

Iwaizumi’s eye twitched. “Who are you calling mother, huh?” he roared, before he punched him in his shoulder with great strength.

Strangely, Oikawa wasn’t that bothered.

Chapter Text

In all honesty, Tsukishima found it ridiculous. As soon as he heard whose initials were imprinted on Kageyama’s body, he thought it was nothing but a cruel twist of fate. He could tell what happened from the start, and he’s not an idiot like Kageyama, he knows exactly who did it and why. It wasn’t that hard to put two and two together, but it was for the best, that his stupid teammate is a simpleton. That was the only card Oikawa got to play with, if he truly wanted to fix what he did.

He saw no solution to their problem in the beginning, and for some reason he felt bothered to see Kageyama in pain. Perhaps because he clearly knew who did this atrocity, and he just couldn’t think of any rational explanation for it. He knew Oikawa could be a real bastard but going this far… should make the blonde think, but he decided he won’t care for Oikawa’s part. As long as that guy keeps his promise and focuses on fixing what he broke.

He thought he was doing a good job at being subtle in his worry for his fellow teammate. Yamaguchi called him out on it almost immediately, and he saw the smirk, on Sugawara’s face. But whatever, he was doing it because it’d be a shame if Kageyama were to die simply because of a jerk like Oikawa.

He tried to subtly make Kageyama see, what was actually going on. He didn’t like the game Oikawa was playing, and he made it quite clear. Even Hinata somehow found out before Kageyama, which was a terrible sign. It was not good, and Tsukishima kept an eye on that annoying little ginger. He failed to understand what he was trying to accomplish, but his attitude just kept getting worse. He tried talking reasonably to him once, but Hinata ignored his efforts.

That only made the blonde feel irritated.

But after all, things were going rather fine. He didn’t have any special ability like Kenma or NIshinoya – he was really glad for that, because simply remembering the way Kenma threw up violently on that weekend makes him shiver. Why would he suffer because of other people’s stupidity? – but he could tell a difference was made. Sure, there was still something dark lurking around, but Kageyama’s  grumpy attitude got significantly better.

Not to mention how annoyingly happy he’s been lately. Tsukishima thought Oikawa might not be such a complete asshole after all.

“Tsukishima!” Kageyama yelled after him, as he was leaving the gym with Yamaguchi. The setter kept asking him stuff about his own relationship with Oikawa, and the blonde didn’t know what to think about that. He was annoyed, that’s for sure, because why is he asking things only Oikawa can tell him?

Ridiculous.

He sighed, turning his head to look at Kageyama over his shoulder. “What do you want?”

Kageyama had a determined frown on his face as he strolled after him. That facial expression meant he was actively thinking about the thing he’s going to say. Tsukishima resisted his urge to make a face at his own thoughts. He’s been spending way too much time around this idiot.

Yamaguchi sensed his inner turmoil and nudged him gently.

“I have… a rather important question to ask,” Kageyama said, his tone deadly serious.

Tsukishima arched an eyebrow. “Okay. About what?”

Kageyama bit his lip, before looking around. His face was flushed, probably from their intense practice. After Kageyama brought Daichi a permission note from the doctor, the captain increased the intensity of their practice. Which Tsukishima found… not as annoying as he supposed he would few months ago. They were practically benched for two months after Kageyama’s injury.

“I... um..” Kageyama started, before taking a breath, and leaning towards Tsukishima. He lowered his voice, his tone still serious as he asked: “Would you say you’re in love with Yamaguchi?”

Tsukishima blinked. He spared a glance to his soul mate beside him, who returned the look with a glimmer in his eyes. He could feel the other’s boy’s quiet excitement.  Not because of what the blonde’s answer would be, but because of the reason why Kageyama asked the question. They weren’t problematic like them, and they didn’t have any complications like Bokuto and Akaashi – Bokuto let their story slip on a Saturday, after they discussed the events and what they should do next.

Tsukishima's respect for Akaashi only increased after what he had heard.

Him and Yamaguchi were in relationship practically as soon as they got marked. They knew each other from before, so it hurt. But not more than a needle prick. He also wasn’t very surprised to see Yamaguchi’s initials on his skin. He has a certain theory about soul marks and fated partners, but that theory only supports his thoughts of how cruel Kageyama’s situation is. He wouldn’t react so calmly to the situation if he was on the boy’s place.

“What does that have to do with you?” Tsukishima asked instead of answering.

He thought Kageyama would get mad, but the boy’s cheeks only deepened in color. Ah. So, he wasn’t that wrong after all.

“It’s just, that I- well, don’t get it,” Kageyama said, refusing to look at the blonde. Yamaguchi’s excitement was building up, and Tsukishima grabbed the boy’s hand. “I mean, no I do but what I’m actually asking is… how did you know?”

Tsukishima tilted his head. What kind of sentence was that? He wouldn’t think cold and bitter Kageyama could get so flustered. “How did I know what exactly?”

Was he purposely avoiding direct answering? Partly perhaps, because he has a hunch Kageyama is having a bit more complicated thoughts about this. Surely, he’d know what simply being in love is?

Kageyama cursed under his breath, still looking somewhere to his right, with a frown. After a harsh breath, he turned to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. “How did you know you were actually in love, and not just pressured to feel like it, because you’re bonded?”

Tsukishima blinked. He didn’t expect something like this coming out of Kageyama’s mouth if he was honest.

Before he could say anything, Yamaguchi stepped closer. “That’s a fair reason to worry, but are you saying you feel like you’re in love with Oika-“

“Hell no,” Kageyama interrupted violently, backing away. His cheeks were still red, but that probably wasn’t from embarrassment. He seemed more frustrated to Tsukishima. “I’m just asking, no reason to it.”

“That’s some bullshit, you can’t fool me Kageyama,” Tsukishima said then, deciding he’ll end this nonsense before Kageyama starts sidetracking again. This is actually the best possible consequence, that could come out of the string of disasters that led them to where they are now.

But why is he getting so defensive?

“Just because people are bonded doesn’t always mean they’re deeply in love or anything like that. Some people even hate each other’s guts and never recover. But you, buddy,” Tsukishima laid a hand on Kageyama’s stiff shoulder. “You got past that hate, am I right?”

“I never hated him in the first place,” Kageyama said bitterly.

Tsukishima winced. That made everything seem so much worse.

“There’s nothing wrong with you being in love with your soul mate Kageyama,” Yamaguchi said, laying his hand on Kageyama’s other shoulder. “In fact, that’s a good sign, because you know, love conquers all.”

Kageyama didn’t look that convinced. And Tsukishima doesn’t understand, because literally everyone could feel the unresolved sexual tension between those two. It was so painfully obvious, in the way Kageyama kept looking an following, in the way Oikawa let him. Not to mention the way they just stared at each other from time to time. Didn’t they resolve this stuff?

“What happened?” Tsukishima sighed after a moment, his hand still on Kageyama’s shoulder.

Kageyama pursed his lips. “Nothing happened, why-“

“Kageyama. You asked us for help, tell us what’s the problem,” Yamaguchi said what Tsukishima was thinking.

They don’t have telepathic ability, but they can read each other’s thoughts without actual words. Yamaguchi thinks of it as one form of telepathy, and to some extent Tsukishima agrees. He’s glad they don’t have direct mind connection.

“It’s not like anything happened really,” Kageyama said. “We were in the arcade the other week, and he gave me this stupid plushie and I just felt so happy I almost threw up. He always says some things that make feel so weird, and I just don’t know if I’m actually… if I’m only responding to the bond.”

Kageyama covered his face with his hands, waiting for Tsukishima or Yamaguchi to respond. The blonde hummed, exchanging a glance with Yamaguchi. The boy was getting all excited again, and really the blonde can understand. Yamaguchi was very distressed after Kageyama’s marking, and ever since he realized what happened, he always felt sad for him.

So, yeah. Tsukishima could understand why.

“I’m sure it’s not just the bond,” Yamaguchi said. “If you got so happy after receiving a gift, and if you enjoy his company, and if you actually feel comfortable around him, I’d say you definitely like him.”

“I do like him, that wasn’t a doubt,” Kageyama looked at Yamaguchi through his fingers.

The boy blinked. “I… I meant romantically.”

“Yeah?” Kageyama responded.

Tsukishima blinked. He never thought he’d have this type of conversation with Kageyama. The matter of liking and loving someone is way too complicated for a 16 year old. He didn’t have that kind of conversation with Yamaguchi, why is Kageyama already thinking about this?

“So what you’re saying is, that you like him, but you don’t know if you love Oikawa-san?” Tsukishima asked. Why did he get so defensive before then?

“No, I-“Kageyama dropped his hands from his face, his cheeks deep red again.

Yamaguchi smiled at him, patting his shoulder. “There, I think that answers your question, doesn’t it?”

Kageyama groaned, hiding his burning face within his hands again. Tsukishima observed him in silence. What was actually going on? “Did something else happen?”

“Well. He um…” Kageyama sighed, looking at Tsukishima briefly, before turning away again. “He kissed me, but on the cheek and-“

“And you wonder?” Yamaguchi interrupted, still smiling. “He gave you a plushie, and he kissed you, you’re feeling all hot and bothered, and you’re asking if you are in love? Kageyama come on, surely you’re not that stupid?”

Kageyama was quiet for a moment, his face pulling in a frown. Suddenly, things cleared, and Tsukishima leaned forward. “You’re asking if Oikawa feels pressured to act like he’s romantically interested?”

Yamaguchi pursed his lips, looking away awkwardly, as Kageyama nodded silently.

Tsukishima caught a glimpse of white somewhere on his left. He doesn’t have the right solution for the boy, because there’s only one person who can answer Kageyama’s question. He can’t talk for any of them, and he surely doesn’t intend to lie. Sure, he had to refrain from saying certain things, technically covering up a lie that started all this.

But is he to blame? Who is he to have a say regarding those two? At the end of the day, it is not his personal business. Unlike Hinata, he knows where the line is.

“You should ask him,” Tsukishima said, like he said the first time Kageyama came to him. He can’t exactly help more, than push Kageyama in Oikawa’s direction. His hands were tied from the very start.

“Don’t even think, just tell Oikawa-san about this,” Tsukishima went on. “Be honest with yourself and tell him exactly how you feel. Don’t try to make it difficult or anything, just say it as it is.”

“Yeah, the way you came to us,” Yamaguchi said, smiling softly. “Just talk to him, the way you talked to us.”

Kageyama looked at Yamaguchi for a moment. His face wasn’t as red as before, and he looked a tad bit calmer. Still nervous, but at least he won’t go into his rage mode any time soon. He nodded stiffly.

“As soon as possible,” Tsukishima said then, a bit hurriedly. Perhaps this was that final push both of them needed, and they can finally relax once and for all, after their bond strengthens. Perhaps they’re just a confession away from fixing the damage. “Don’t waste time you might not have.”

Kageyama’s eyes glimmered as he looked at him. He didn’t say anything, but a huffed: “Okay.”

Perhaps he shouldn’t add that last part in. The boy didn’t snoop around, and once the blonde made clear Hinata should be left out of it, he didn’t insist to try and get something out of the middle blocker. There’s still a hint of coldness in the boy’s blue eyes, but that’s nothing Tsukishima is greatly bothered by.

He and Yamaguchi then observed Kageyama as the boy ran over to Oikawa, who conveniently decided to stroll by. The change on his face was so obvious, Tsukishima almost thought he was looking at a totally different boy.

“They’re going to be fine, won’t they?” Yamaguchi said quietly, as he watched Oikawa casually take Kageyama’s hand in his.

Tsukishima grabbed Yamaguchi’s hand and turned away. “I think so. There’s nothing we can do now, it’s on them.”

Yamaguchi let himself be pulled after the blonde, looking away from the couple behind their backs. Strangely, he felt sad for his teammate again.

Chapter Text

Kageyama tried his best, to not think about it too much. Firstly, because he’s still clumsy, and Oikawa could effortlessly read his mind, if he thinks too loud. Secondly, because if he overthinks this too much, his mood would definitely get sour, and Oikawa will call him out on it. Perhaps it wouldn’t be bad, but he wants to have control when that conversation happens.

His chat with Tsukishima made him realize why he was feeling so goddamn fuzzy. He wasn’t that surprised upon realizing what his feelings meant, but it made him a bit nervous to say the least.  Despite them coming closer, he still can’t tell where the line is. They said they’d start as friends, but perhaps that meant Oikawa was willing to go somewhere further?

He thought about his strategy, how to properly express himself to Oikawa without any misunderstanding. But he got so nervous last time, when he gifted him that keychain, how is he supposed to tell Oikawa he’s in love with him without fucking it up? And what would Oikawa’s reaction be? For all he knows, he could have that strange switch again, and suddenly give him a cold shoulder.

Honestly, Kageyama doesn’t want that.

“Tobio, focus!” Oikawa called out to him from the other side of the net. The brunette truly kept his word and went along with his request to play volleyball with him. They’re currently playing one on one in Oikawa’s backyard.

That was another thing that kept turning Kageyama’s stomach. He was never over at Oikawa’s house before. His parents weren’t home at the time, but the younger boy dreaded the thought of Oikawa’s mother showing up. Not because he thinks she’ll be mean, but simply because – If he’s honest, he doesn’t know why. But he just doesn’t want to have any conversation with his soul mate’s mother.

“I am focused,” he grumbled back, tossing the ball back over the net.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “Are you? Seems to me like you’re frying your brain over there.”

Kageyama grit his teeth, as he jumped and tried to setter dump. He doesn’t want to have this conversation during their game. He doesn’t want to be sweaty just in case Oikawa was actually waiting for him to say something first, and if any hugs were to take place. He definitely wouldn’t mind that, but he really doesn’t want to be all sweaty and gross.

Oikawa saw through his set up and move fast to receive the ball and send it flying back over the net. Kageyama jumped to the left to block it, but the ball was too high, and it slammed on the ground behind him. “Ah damn.”

The brunette lightly kicked his knee. “Why are you so distracted? I thought you wanted to practice with me, not fool around.”

“I’m not distracted!” Kageyama yelled, turning to pick up the ball. His face was heating up. Surely, Oikawa can’t tell what he’s thinking?

Liar.

Kageyama almost tripped over his feet as Oikawa’s soft voice brushed his mind. The brunette did that sometimes, whisper softly with that one specific tone that made Kageyama’s body shiver. Judging from the smirk playing on the other’s lips, Oikawa knew exactly what he was doing to him.

“I’m not!” Kageyama yelled again, throwing the ball hard over the net, back to Oikawa.

The brunette watched him with mild interest, his brown eyes glimmering dangerously. That one twist of the boy’s lips made Kageyama think. That guy definitely knows what’s going on in his head – to some extent at least. That made his face flush with embarrassment. Now he definitely won’t say anything, if the bastard already knows what he’s thinking. He’ll wait for the brunette to call him out on it instead, he’s already embarrassed enough.

Or would it be less embarrassing if he says it first?

“Whatever you say my dear Tobio-chan,” Oikawa said, twirling the ball in his hands. “However, you better get focus and pay attention, or else this lesson will be for naught.”

Wait what-

The boy didn’t have enough time to prepare his position, as Oikawa was already throwing the ball in the air. The brunette jumped high, much higher than before and Kageyama could tell he wasn’t going to be able to receive that. He could only observe the graceful arch of Oikawa’s back, as he bent his arm. He felt like he was that same little boy from few years ago, when he first saw Oikawa’s monster serve. The feeling was the same, the itch to be as good as he is. The sheer admiration, mixed with something else, that made Kageyama’s heart beat loudly.

He could only see Oikawa mid air, and hear his loud beating heart. He could feel that pull in his hip, the bond that tied him to the boy before him. It was so vivid and clear, he forgot how to breathe for a second. The intense tug on his bond was almost as painful as the day he got bonded. But the pain was more tolerable, it was not as horrifying as that day.

He only stood there frozen, unable to move, as all these sudden emotions flew over him. He could see the ball was already set, and it was coming forward rapidly. He should move, but his legs wouldn’t not listen.

“.bio! Tobio move!”

He caught a glimpse of Oikawa’s wide brown eyes, and a wave of concern flashed over him. But his mind was foggy, and he didn’t register anything, before the ball flew over the net, and suddenly it was very close to his face and he couldn’t move-

The ball hit him square in the face with so much force, he clumsily stumbled backwards a few steps. He knew it was going to be a strong serve, but he didn’t think it’s going to hurt this much. The pain hit him like a brick a moment after, and he raised his hands to his face, turning away from Oikawa, who was approaching him. Just how embarrassing is this, he didn’t even jump to block it, he just stood there, and took a hit directly to the bridge of his nose.

Nose, that was definitely going to be bruised. He hesitantly touched the aching area, which was a bad idea. It only made the pain pulse angrily.

“What the hell Tobio?” Oikawa screeched at him. “If you knew you couldn’t receive it, you could at least move, you idiot,” the brunette said disapprovingly. He was standing behind him now, and Kageyama tried to move away from him.

“Nothing, it doesn’t hurt. It’s fine,” Kageyama mumbled, feeling strange pressure up his nose.

Oikawa clicked his tongue, before grabbing his hand, pulling him towards himself. The sudden close contact shouldn’t make Kageyama so flustered, yet he could feel his face heat up, and not just from the pain.

“Like Hell it is, don’t lie to me,” Oikawa said. He forced Kageyama to turn around, so he could see the injury up close.

However, Kageyama tried turning his head away, because he just couldn’t look at his soul mate’s face right now. They were standing too close, and once his brain made that discovery, his whole body was in an alarm mode; his heart beating too fast for him to breathe properly, and sudden heat overtook his entire being. It’s not like Oikawa didn’t stand his close before so why is he so… so worked up?

The brunette then grabbed his jaw and turned his face towards him. The brown eyes swept over his face with strange intensity and Kageyama subconsciously bit his lower lip to keep himself sane. And also to distract himself from the building up pain in his nose. He didn’t hear any crunch or whatever, so hopefully, he didn’t break anything.

“Hm…” Oikawa hummed lowly, turning Kageyama’s face to the side. “Doesn’t seem broken, but it’s definitely going to bruise. We should ice this before it gets swollen.”

Kageyama didn’t say anything, as he just kept on looking at Oikawa’s face. This was one of the rare moments, when he had some excuse to stare at the boy without being weird. Being so close to him, he could see every shade of brown in the other’s eyes, every eyelash. He could see each strand of hair falling over the boy’s face, and a sudden thought crawled back into his mind.

How unfairly pretty Oikawa really is. Not just pretty, just simply gorgeous, and it was so unfair, how almost everything about the other guy was more or less perfect. From his smooth soft voice to the shade of his eyes, to his hands and body shape. It was just so unfair; he was even taller than him for a few centimetres. His personality is far from being perfect, but Kageyama learned to see through the faced Oikawa puts up sometimes. He has grown to actually feel comfortable around the older, despite the inferiority he was feeling sometimes.

Was it really unfair for him to be bonded to Oikawa? Or was it lucky for him, and unfortunate for the brunette?

“What are you thinking about so intensely Tobio-chan?” Oikawa asked after a moment, his fingers still cradling Kageyama’s jaw.

“I’m um, not…” Kageyama mumbled. His head was starting to spin, along with the pain slowly numbing his nose.

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, and in that moment, Kageyama realised just how easy it would be, for him to casually lean closer, and press his lips against the brunette’s. Giving their position, and the way Oikawa didn’t move, perhaps he was also thinking about it?

The brunette seemed to lean just a bit closer to him, still looking at him with that one glimmer in his eyes. Kageyama held his breath, trying to force his raging beating heart at the same time. He was sure Oikawa can hear it beating loud and clear.

Before anything happened, the pressure building up in his nose eased, and Kageyama felt a trail of something warm run from his nose, over his lips, down to his chin. Ah, damn it. Now he’s definitely not going to get kissed, is he?

Oikawa’s mouth twitched in a smirk, and Kageyama had that dreadful thought, that the brunette knew what he was just thinking about. Oh God, perhaps he should get spiked in the head one more time, so he could pretend this never happened.

“It doesn’t hurt, it’s fine he said,” Oikawa said, dropping his hand. Kageyama saw he accidentally bled over the boy’s fingers. Well, that wasn’t his fault, considering Oikawa insisted on holding his face.

“It is though, I-“ Kageyama tried feeling incredibly annoyed with himself. Why did his stupid nose have to start bleeding, when they were obviously having a moment?

Oikawa wasn’t having it, he grabbed the boy’s wrist and turned away.

“Don’t even try Tobio. I know it hurts pretty bad, no use in denying it,” the brunette said. Kageyama looked at the hand holding his, noticing his own blood dripping down the boy’s fingers.

“What-“

Oikawa turned to look at him over his shoulder. “I can feel it, duh.”

He turned and pulled Kageyama along, back in the house. The ball was left outside forgotten, but Kageyama was too busy thinking about what Oikawa’s words meant to think about the ball. “Wait what, you can tell it hurts or-“

“No I felt it directly,” Oikawa said, motioning for him to remove his shoes. Kageyama complied, mostly automatically, since he was still processing what the brunette was saying. “Like at the moment of the impact, I felt it like I was also hit by the ball. I can still feel some lingering pain, but probably not as much as you.”

Wait so that means –

“That we’re levelling up, yes” Oikawa said, leading him into the bathroom, still nonchalantly.

“Wait a second I didn’t even-“Kageyama started. Oikawa just read his thoughts, even though Kageyama obviously didn’t try to think in his direction.

Oikawa pushed him down, so he sat on the edge of the bathtub. “Didn’t even what, think about it?” the brunette said smugly, as he rinsed a towel with cold water. He looked at Kageyama with a strange glimmer in his eyes, as he wiped his bloody nose gently. “I could hear it loud and clear; you don’t have to think so hard about something if you want me to hear it.”

The cold cloth couldn’t be matched to the cold shiver that ran down Kageyama’s spine as he heard that. That was new information to him, he thought the telepathy had a limit, and that he could only talk to Oikawa if he wanted to. What exactly is Oikawa saying?

Oikawa chuckled lowly, as he gently grabbed Kageyama’s head, moving him, so he was leaning over the sink, his blood still slowly dripping from his nose. “Don’t worry about it too much Tobio-chan. I didn’t hear a lot.”

Kageyama looked up at him. “Then, how much did you-“

“You were so lost in your thoughts I only took a peek I swear,” Oikawa said, putting his cold hand on Kageyama’s neck. “I couldn’t make much of it, since your thoughts were scattered everywhere, but I’m guessing you’re having some problems.”

Kageyama focused on the feeling of Oikawa’s hand on his neck. The pain was slightly more tolerable with the softness of his soul mate’s touch. Yet, the blood didn’t stop. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Oikawa hummed softly, dragging his finger down the boy’s nape. “Didn’t we say we won’t be keeping things from each other?”

Kageyama stayed quiet, as he counted the blood drops falling from his nose. He couldn’t tell if he was getting mocked.

Ignoring me won’t help, you know?

Kageyama blowed his nose, the last drops of blood staining his hand. He rinsed his hand, before he glared up at Oikawa. “I’m not. But you’re also having problems you refuse to share with me, so I don’t see how this is fair.”

Oikawa arched an eyebrow, as he reached around Kageyama, taking the wet towel. “Is that so?”

“Yes. So if you won’t do the same don’t you dare patronise me.”

“Mmm, you have a point,” Oikawa mumbled, wiping Kageyama’s lip. “But you see, I can tell your problem has something to do with me. But the problem I’m currently having, does not concern you at all. That’s the difference.”

He looked at Kageyama with a meaningful expression on his face. Kageyama could tell he was actually being sincere this time, and that this was not just an excuse.

The brunette nudged Kageyama’s shoulder. “So, tell me then, what’s got your mind in such a hot mess?”

The boy stayed quiet for a moment. He didn’t want to confess while his nose was all swollen. He was sweaty from their game, and honestly, they shouldn’t be having this conversation in the bathtub. Plus, he needs an escape route, and being in Oikawa’s house already puts him in a great disadvantage.

He turned to look at the boy beside him, who was already looking his way. With that same glimmer in his brown eyes, and stupid soft concerned expression. He can… give him a hint at least right?

“Um –“

“Tooru? You’re home?” A woman’s voice cut Kageyama off before the boy could properly start.

His stomach twisted, as he realised that was probably Oikawa’s mother. He didn’t know if she knew he was bonded to her son, and if she knew what happened. If she did, what would her reaction be? Is she going to blame him for causing pain to Oikawa? Is she going to make them go through the operation? Or what if she –

“Hey, Tobio,” Oikawa’s voice cut through his foggy mind. “It’s fine, don’t worry about her. She knows about you; she won’t kick you out or anything.”

“How do you know?” Kageyama said, poking his nose to see how bad it hurts. His eyes watered a bit.

Oikawa grabbed his hand. “Because I do. Now come on, let me properly introduce you.”

The knot in Kageyama’s stomach twisted painfully, but he let his soul mate pull him up. He didn’t know why he got so scared suddenly, but Oikawa’s fingers around his wrist were definitely calming his nerves.

Chapter Text

“Why are you so tense?” Oikawa asked Kageyama once his mother was out of the earshot. She was very excited to finally see Kageyama in person, but her excitement seemed a bit off to the brunette. He could understand it, to some point but there was no reason for his mother to get that watery expression.

She didn’t know what her son did three years ago. When Oikawa said no one knew, he meant exactly that. The staff at the hospital were sceptical, upon seeing a 16-year-old boy suddenly demanding to get operated on, to get his soul mate link out of his system. He obviously wasn’t in the right mind for this, and definitely not mature enough to make a decision that big on his own. He had to speak to multiple nurses, each of them having their own way to talk him out of it.

Even the doctor, who was doing the last-minute check-up, gave him a chance to get up and leave the room. Seeing their reaction, Oikawa really should take a moment to cool his anger and see that what he was doing definitely wasn’t a good idea. But his father’s signature was on the paper he gave to the doctor as he asked for the documents. They wanted to reach out to his parents, but his mother was conveniently on a business trip, and his father… well there was a signature right there.

He had so many ways out, so many chances to stop before he went through with it, and yet. He didn’t listen, he didn’t think. Perhaps a simple conversation would do wonders to his jealousy filled mind.

So after everything, his mother shedding tears of joy was definitely not the right response. He was sure to hide the reports from the hospital, and the bracelet he had on his wrist. Even the painkillers and bandages, along with gauzes he used to wipe the blood. There was absolutely no evidence to know.

Except –

“I’m not tense, why would I be tense?” Kageyama said, looking at him confused. “You’re the one being weird.”

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. They were sitting on the couch in the living room, doing absolutely nothing. Kageyama had an ice patch, holding to his still slightly red nose. That whole occurrence was definitely something Oikawa is going to have to snoop around to understand the reason why this boy got so distracted.

He clearly saw the ball was coming. Oikawa knew he could tell the force and the speed of it, because he could feel it. Kageyama was analysing his jump and set, he had all the time to make a clear observation, but not enough time to move. Then he got all flustered over Oikawa’s mere presence beside him, and well.

Oikawa has some experience. Considering the way, the boy blushed as he gave him the plushie, how tightly he held it, and how embarrassed he got at the thought Oikawa could clearly read his mind?

He’s feeling confident enough, to say the guy’s crushing on him. And despite how his chest tighten painfully at the thought, that’s definitely not a bad discovery. He won’t do anything about it though, simply because he wants to see how long the boy’s planning on trying to hide it.

“How am I being weird?” Oikawa asked, leaning his head on his hand.

Kageyama lowered his hand with the ice patch, pointing with the ice packet in Oikawa’s face. “You’re feeling off. So speak up.”

Oikawa flicked the younger’s wrist away. “I don’t know what you’re saying, I’m perfectly fine.”

Shit. His thoughts swarmed over, and if Kageyama starts tugging on the telepathic connection, he’s going to eventually come to the source of Oikawa’s thought. Which he’s far from being ready for.

“You might be, but something’s still off,” Kageyama said tilting his head. “Does it have something to do with your Mom?”

Oikawa stared at the younger, his face more or less expressionless. Was he that bad at concealing his thoughts, or did that little shit get better at reading him?

Kageyama sighed, as he looked at him with a frown on his face. “What, you think this thing,” he tapped on his temples, “doesn’t go both ways?”

He knew that obviously. But here’s the thing, Oikawa learned to put a temporary blockage in his mind, so his stream of thoughts didn’t get through to Kageyama. And likewise, the younger’s thoughts didn’t get through to him. That kind of technique was technically advised against, and it did took a tool on Oikawa. His headaches returned and hit him like a truck.

Did he stop doing it? No, because his pride just won’t let him.

“Ah, it’s nothing really,” Oikawa said then. It really wasn’t anything Kageyama would be helpful with. He leaned over to the younger, raising his hand to lightly poke at Kageyama’s nose.

The way the boy scrunched his nose was not supposed to be as cute as Oikawa found it to be.

“How is this? Doesn’t look too bad anymore,” Oikawa said.

Kageyama shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt so bad, thankfully I didn’t break it.”

Oikawa touched Kageyama’s forehead with his point finger. “Pay attention next time.”

Kageyama stared at him; with that same expression he’s been looking at him ever since that training weekend. The same expression he’d look at him with as he gave him the keychain, when he got lost in his thoughts and just looked at the brunette, thinking Oikawa couldn’t tell he was staring at him. But little did he know, Oikawa paid him the same amount of attention he was getting, only a bit more subtly.

He's been also thinking lately, about his dreams, and what Iwaizumi told him. He’s been considering bringing up the topic of sealing the bond with Kageyama. But as he remembered they were supposed to have aspects that of a physical bond, that meant they’re going to have to get physical in the end.

It was as true as it can be because he noticed the difference. The emotions were strong, but the impact of a single touch, simple touch of his finger for example, was so much greater. That was definitely terrifying, because as he started thinking about it, he realised he didn’t mind it so much. He thought he’d be more opposed to it, but he found himself practically yearning for some touch.

No matter how small it was, his heart was tugging him forward, and so far, Kageyama always reciprocated. His itch to press a kiss to the younger’s lips was getting more, and more irritable with each day. The thought was always somewhere in the back of his mind, and right now in this moment, as he was leaning over Kageyama, it was only stronger.

Maybe because he caught Kageyama looking at him like he might have the very same problem.

He bit his lip, to keep himself in check, because a woman who gave birth to him is right around the corner, and he doesn’t want his first kiss with Kageyama to be cut short. He doesn’t think he could keep himself under so much control for a single peck.

Oh no, his frustration would definitely not be quelled by one simple smooch.

He leaned his elbow on the couch, dragging his finger across his lips. Damn, he probably shouldn’t be thinking about these things so carelessly, with Kageyama merely inches away from him. Their legs were touching, and the boy’s face was right in front of his. The temptation to lean just a tad closer was real.

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama started quietly, after a moment. Oikawa did a brief emotion scan to see if the boy’s going to get bold, but he sensed that strange anxiety again. What’s that about?

“Hm?” Oikawa’s mind was foggy he didn’t dare to speak, until he was sure he won’t say something crazy. He carefully leaned away from the other boy, just in case his body acts on its own.

If he doesn’t do something about this, he’s going to go insane.

“Does your mother know?” the boy asked, looking over his shoulder in the direction of kitchen. He was wearing one of Oikawa’s shirts since his own got stained with droplets of blood. That wasn’t a problem before, and the brunette didn’t think much of it.

Now, as his brain got filthy, he just couldn’t think straight. It was just a simple piece of clothing but why did it change Oikawa’s whole perspective?

He didn’t even realise he didn’t respond, as he was just sitting there, staring at the younger boy, feeling feverish. His hands were itchy for something to hold, for something to wrap his arms around. His whole body was screaming at him, urging him to just do something.

He thought he put some distance between them earlier, but he was even closer than he was before, practically cornering Kageyama to the edge of the sofa, forcing the younger to press himself back against the backrest.

And oh boy, his face was really close again.

“Oikawa-san?” Kageyama spoke again, after a moment. His voice loud enough to reach Oikawa’s ears, his lips close enough for Oikawa to faintly feel a breeze of the boy’s breath on his neck.

“What?” Oikawa said, breaking from his trance, but not really moving away. Kageyama’s body was right next to his, it would be so easy to just, wrap his arms around the younger. And press his face to the boy’s neck.

“Does your mother know about the hospital?” Kageyama asked, his voice soft. He was looking up at the brunette, his deep blue eyes glazed over, like he could see inside Oikawa’s head. Like he could feel the same urge the brunette did in that moment.

And well, he probably did. So, why are they even fighting this, if they can both feel this painful tug?

“Mmm, about the hospital?” Oikawa drawled, still not focused on Kageyama’s words. He raised his hand slowly, brushing the black hair from Kageyama’s forehead. The way that small touch almost made this burning itch go away was terrifying.

He ran his fingers through Kageyama’s hair, hand reaching to the back of the boy’s head. Like he was being controlled by the magnetic pull, his fingers brushed across the boy’s nape, before he grasped a handful of the black strands, tugging on it, forcing Kageyama’s head to tip backwards.

“I don’t think so,” Oikawa said, observing the subtle crane of Kageyama’s neck, his eyes following the strain of the muscles, and the boy’s throat. The skin there looked so strangely soft, the brunette had another wild thought to lean down and press his mouth against it.

Kageyama swallowed dryly, and Oikawa observed the movement of his Adam’s apple. God damn it, why is he feeling so tense, when the boy didn’t even do anything? “Then, how does she know I’m-“

“Does it really matter?” Oikawa said then, shuffling a bit closer. He’s going insane for real now. “She had some doubts, but she wasn’t surprised when I told her about my mark. She wasn’t home for my birthday you know.”

Kageyama looked at him with some strange understanding that Oikawa didn’t comprehend clearly. Suddenly, he felt incredible agonizing sadness. The feeling was so intense, the brunette was sure he wasn’t the only one feeling it. Perhaps this was something they both had some issues with – not being able to properly discuss these things with the two people who gave you life. This was something rooted in both of them, that’s why the sadness was great enough to overweight Oikawa’s lustful feelings.

It hurt, and it felt like it was clenching around Oikawa’s poor heart. So many things were keeping his heart in its clawed hands, the thing couldn’t even beat properly. Why was this old pain back?

“Um,” Kageyama shuffled a bit closer to the brunette, who was now mindlessly brushing his fingers through the younger’s hair, still feeling in that stranger daze; caught between his filthy thoughts and sudden sadness. “Oikawa-san?”

“What?”

“Can I –“ Kageyama paused, biting his lip. The brunette had a thought of running his thumb across it. The younger boy then turned his head, forcing Oikawa’s fingers to stop. He looked at the brunette with that intense look in his blue eyes, and Oikawa subconsciously held his breath. “Can I hug you Oikawa-san?”

Oikawa’s stupid heart stopped for a brief second. That brat was really getting ahead of him, wasn’t he? The brunette’ chest tightened at that stupid thought, but he ignored the bitter feeling, because he didn’t want to think of it like that. The boy was simply just a tiny bit braver that’s all.

He didn’t respond, as he leaned closer, wrapping his arms around the younger’s neck. Kageyama’s arms wrapped around the brunette’s torso almost immediately, and he pressed himself as close as he could. The younger’s body fit right against his, and the way this one, simple hug just made so much sense, was just a bit scary. But Oikawa only hugged the boy tighter, despite the sudden sharp pain in his hip.

Kageyama was clutching onto him with the same intensity, his arms tightening around Oikawa’s body. It was like he was holding on a lifeline, like he was desperate for an embrace like this. That thought brought some bitterness to Oikawa’s thoughts, but how could he know? He doesn’t know much more from what Kageyama lets him, and what he himself managed to snoop around for.

He’d admit it, he was waiting to see if the younger had the guts to ask. Because now he can for sure say, Kageyama feels about him the exact same way he does.

Like you have to ask, he thought loudly, enough for Kageyama’s mind to catch it. He felt the younger tremble in his hold, so he felt like he’d be a bit bold. He turned his head, to press a brief, quick feather-like kiss to the boy’s neck.

That small kiss might hurt, but the pain was definitely worth it.

Chapter Text

In the end, Kageyama chickened out. Oikawa made him so flustered; he could barely keep his thoughts quiet. He couldn’t find the right timing, and soon enough, it was already time for him to go home. He had early practice next morning, and he knew he won’t be able to fall asleep soon enough, since everything that happened in the span of two hours.

However, Oikawa’s mother refused to let him walk home since it was so late, and practically forced him – in a way- to sleep over. Oikawa didn’t say anything, he just laughed right in his head at Kageyama’s embarrassment. It was considerably rude, but then again, some additional time with his soul mate? Surely can’t hurt.

Except that it actually could, but that’s something he had learned to deal with.

Some foreign sense of anxiety was turning his stomach around, but he thought nothing of it. The brunette even let him watch some of his volleyball videos, giving few of his comments now and then. And Kageyama tried to focus, but his mind kept wheeling back to the couch. He was so ready back then, and he could tell Oikawa was to.

It would be so easy; they were merely a breath apart. The pull on his heart only got stronger, and it was getting unbearable. He feels like he’s going to lose his mind, if something doesn’t happen soon.

“- but that’s all there is to it. Such a waste, a millisecond too long,” Oikawa said, and Kageyama blinked. He forgot Oikawa was talking, as he got distracted by his filthy thoughts once again. He was aware the other boy was speaking – he clearly saw the lips moving (why he remembers that specifically, he won’t acknowledge it, just in case Oikawa might be lurking in his mind), but the sound was muffled.

Oh boy, he’s getting ahead of himself.

The brunette turned, pointing a finger in his direction. “Remember that, Tobio-chan. Got it?”

“Absolutely, whatever you say Oikawa-san. I agree with everything you just said.”

The brunette stared at him quietly, his pointed finger touching the tip of his nose. God, Kageyama was such a goner, a small touch like this is going to make him go insane.

“You were not even listening, you little shit,” Oikawa said flickering Kageyama’s nose, before moving to turn off his laptop. “That’s fine. But promise me one thing.”

“Huh?”

Oikawa turned to him, his expression a mixture of strange sadness and something darker than just anger. Kageyama felt like he should be frightened, but why did that anger make so much sense to him? He could feel his own suppressed rage corresponding. What the hell?

“You have to get to at least top ten at Nationals,” Oikawa said sternly. “As a disciple of mine, nothing else is acceptable.”

Kageyama arched an eyebrow.  ”Only top ten?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself my dear,” Oikawa said, his face changing, his voice regaining some of its warmth. “You’re not thinking you can be a champion, are you? News flash buddy, you’re not that good yet.”

“Now that’s just rude,” Kageyama said, as Oikawa just laughed over him. Somehow, he knew the brunette wasn’t saying that to make him feel bad on purpose.

His heart was hammering in his chest through the night, and he felt like it’s going to burst out of his chest. He had some strange dreams that he can’t quite recall. He awoke with a lingering felling of horrid terror, and his scars were stinging. It was uncomfortable foreign feeling, but he brushed it aside, as nothing but a mere nightmare.

He was awake before Oikawa the next morning. The brunette’s inner clock probably wasn’t as early as Kageyama’s. That was totally fine by him to, since that gave him some time to admire Oikawa’s sleeping face. It really was anything but fair, the way Oikawa looked so pretty, even when he wasn’t trying., He was just lying there, with his left arm extended, and right hand lying on the top of his chest. Barely even moving, his face was relaxed.

And Kageyama had that thought again. The thought that turned into urge, something he just had to do. And it wasn’t like he’s going to get caught. He leaned over the older boy, staring at him from up close for a tense moment. Carefully, he raised a hand and hesitantly touched Oikawa’s cheek. The boy didn’t move, so Kageyama figured, he’s still very much, very deeply asleep.

He bit his lip, before he cursed, himself and Oikawa three times in his mind, before he leaned down, closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Oikawa’s. It was a short, and as soft as it could be, but something moved. Deep within his heart, something clicked in that brief moment as his lips were touching Oikawa’s. He pressed forward a tiny bit more, before his heart started beating too fast, and he got scared Oikawa might hear it in his slumber.

He pulled away with a red face, and heavily beating heart, looking at Oikawa’s sleeping face once more, before he dashed out of room, almost tripping over his own feet. Ah, just a mere touch made him feel so lightheaded, he doesn’t want to think how the real thing would feel.

“Oh, Tobio?”

He almost tripped on the stairs, as Oikawa’s mother’s voice reached his ears. His face flushed again, as he looked up at the woman. He completely forgot about his surroundings. Was it weird, that he felt such sense of comfort around the brunette? Like him being at Oikawa’s house just made sense.

“Ah um, morning,” he said lamely, not sure what to do with himself. He felt awkward around her, maybe he should wake up Oikawa? Well after all it doesn’t matter, since he has to leave for early morning practice. He should just stay put in the bedroom.

“Look like you’re even earlier than Tooru,” the woman smiled at him. Such a motherly expression, Kageyama had an urge to cry.

He didn’t know what to respond with, and lucky for him the woman didn’t expect him to. She offered him some tea, and the boy didn’t really have the guts to reject it. He wasn’t sure if he should start a conversation, or if he should just be quiet. He felt his mind was slowly buzzing again, meaning Oikawa regained some of his consciousness – the brunette was probably awake now.

“How have you guys been?” Oikawa’s mother asked then, breaking the silence.

Ah. This is why he didn’t want to be alone with her. Oikawa mentioned something yesterday, how no one really knows he was in the hospital back then. Kageyama thought that was a bit suspicious, but he didn’t comment on it. Perhaps he just didn’t want to worry his mother for no reason. Like he himself can talk, his mother doesn’t even know he found his soulmate already. He doesn’t even remember when was the last time he talked to her.

Painful claws of anxiety clenched his stomach, making the tea in his mouth taste a bit bitter.

“We’re um, doing fine,” Kageyama said slowly. He forgot to ask Oikawa, what he’s allowed to say and what not.

Are you awake yet? He softly inquired over the bond.

Mmm. Give me a moment.

Oikawa’s soft voice drawled through his head, and Kageyama was not ready for the tone of it. He almost choked on his tea, making the woman across from him look at him with alarm.

Can you not do that?

Hmm?

“I’m glad things got resolved,” Oikawa’s mother continued on, taking a sip of her tea. Kageyama blinked, as he looked at the lady. “It could end badly, since Tooru is quite stubborn when he wants to be.”

Kageyama wasn’t quite following. Didn’t Oikawa say she doesn’t know?

“I know that he can be difficult at times,” the woman said, smiling with a hint of sadness. Something sharp prickled at Kageyama’s hip. “I’m sure you’re quite aware of that as well. However,” she looked at Kageyama, her eyes looking a bit wet. “It’s nice to see you got through it.”

All Kageyama could do was stare at the woman with a blank expression. He didn’t have a faintest idea what that meant. His stomach was turning against him, something hurt, and he doesn’t know what, or why. The woman looked like she might cry, and why did he feel like it was his fault? It obviously had something to do with him, but why does he feel so heavy –

“I-“

“Good morning,” Oikawa suddenly chirped in, stretching his arms over his head.

Kageyama looked back at him over his shoulder, observing the arch of the boys’ back, before his mind got flooded, as he remembered what he did barely few minutes ago. His face got red again, as he looked away, feeling like he might combust is Oikawa looked his way. Surely, he can’t tell what happened, can he?

He caught a glimpse of Oikawa’s mother’s expression before he looked at the cup in his hands in pure panic. This was one of the situations he wasn’t ready for. But luckily, Oikawa could clearly tell he was being awkward, and he didn’t push him this time. Kageyama still had his mind occupied since there’s still something he has to say. The breakfast was over in a haze, and before he knew it, he was already on his way to Karasuno gym with Oikawa in tow.

He was trying hard to listen to the brunette, but the sound of his own heart was louder than Oikawa’s voice. He just wanted to say it, since the more he shoves it down, the more painful it’s going to be. His tongue practically felt like it was going to burn if he doesn’t say it.

“Off you go now,” Oikawa said suddenly, breaking Kageyama’s train of thoughts. “Practice hard and remember what I said, m'kay?”

Kageyama stared at him, nodding slowly. Oikawa didn’t say anything more, as he smiled softly, ruffling Kageyama’s hair before he turned and walked away. Just like that. Like he couldn’t tell Kageyama had an internal crisis.

Was he actually hiding better than he thought?

“Wait, Oikawa-san!” he yelled after the brunette, who already walked quite few steps ahead. The younger had hurry over, to catch up with him.

Why did it seem like the older was suddenly very eager to get away?

“Hm?” Oikawa stopped for a moment, and Kageyama reached forward, grabbing his wrist. Was he imagining it, or was Oikawa’s heart beating just as fast as his own?

“Um, Oikawa-san,” Kageyama said looking up at Oikawa’s face. The boy was observing him with undivided attention, and the younger felt like he’s gong to melt or something. “I have something important to tell you.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow, fully turning his body towards Kageyama. “And what may that be?”

Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat, and suddenly his mind went  blank. It was like the world stopped for that second, as he silently stared at Oikawa, his emotions suddenly all over the place. Like something lifted and all he felt just spilled out, like a waterfall. He felt that painful tug on his heart again. His hold on Oikawa’s wrist tightened, as he inched a little closer.

Something hurt among all the intense emotions that made him feel lightheaded, but that dull pain was nothing compared to what he felt in that moment. He got frightened by this before, but now as he knows exactly what this is, now as he stands here right in front of the boy who makes him feel like this, he’s not that scared anymore.

“Oikawa-san,” he said softly, barely getting his mouth to work. He doesn’t even have the proper words to say to label everything that’s stirring within him, but perhaps Oikawa can tell. Maybe he feels just like him. “I-“

Suddenly, he felt like he was being watched, and the moment was gone as he blinked. He looked over his shoulder to see Tsukishima and Yamaguchi casually walking past. He wouldn’t mind if they heard, but, then he remembered they're standing outside. He can just say something like that so out in the open can he?

“Um, I have something to say,” he said, with red cheeks. “But not now. Can you come pick me up-“ wait, No. He’s going to be a sweaty mess today. Besides, he’s going to get so flustered he’ll probably chicken out again. He needs some time.

“- on Tuesday,” he said lamely. “Can you pick me up from my practice on Tuesday, and we can do something and I-“

A hand brushed through his hair, and with that soft touch a breeze of comforting calmness washed over Kageyama’s wild thoughts. He felt like he was being hugged from the inside.

“Sure,” Oikawa said, the softness in his voice matching the soft fuzzy feeling in Kageyama’s chest. God, he wants to hug the brunette so bad. “I have something fairly important to tell you as well. So ye, Tuesday will do good.”

Kageyama nodded, not daring to look up. Ah, how easy it would be, if he could tell what he was feeling without actually saying it. If there was a way, he could let Oikawa know how he makes him feel, by showing it. Why are these thing so hard?

“Well then,” Oikawa’s hand slipped from his grasp. “I shall see you on Tuesday then.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t text you know,” Kageyama said hurriedly.

Oikawa looked at him over his shoulder, and Kageyama glanced at him to see that devilish grin. Oh man, he’s feeling embarrassed again.

He didn’t wait for Oikawa’s response as he turned and practically ran to the gym to the wild beat of his aching heart.

You’re so adorably silly Tobio-chan.

Chapter Text

“My fellow teammates I’m in need of advice,” Oikawa said loudly, as he put down his tray of food on the table beside Iwaizumi.

Matsukawa looked up at him with an arched eyebrow. “Oh? With what I wonder?”

The brunette sat on the chair, leaning over the table, fixing his classmate with a serious look. His headache wasn’t so bad today, but it was his ridiculous heart that was the issue. Ever since that Saturday, he couldn’t quite get this thing to shut up. The way Kageyama breached the wall and let his feelings show, he just couldn’t quite think straight.

The younger probably didn’t mean to do it, but as he stood there looking at him, Oikawa felt like he’s going to fall over and die in that instant. It was great of course, meaning he was successful, because that boy was definitely in love with him as much as he himself, but oh boy. It hurt.

It hurt so fucking bad, the brunette had a hard time keeping it together. It shouldn’t be like this, but he felt like he was back at that bloody pool, staring at his bloody hands with absolute horror. His head spinned and his heart stopped for a moment, as he just stared at Kageyama, not even daring to breathe.

That was definitely everything but a good sign, but it didn’t seem like Kageyama felt his agony. Perhaps it’s better this way anyway.

“With a confession,” he said. “I’m pretty sure that little shit is planning to confess his undying love for me, tomorrow and ain’t no way I’m going to lose.”

Hanamaki looked up at him, a noodle falling out of his mouth. “Wait what did you just say?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes, grabbing his chopsticks. “What, are you deaf? I already lost to that boy once, ain’t no way I’m letting him win over this. I have to confess to him before he does, so that I-“

“Hold the fuck up man, time out, break time,” Matsukawa said as Hanamaki just kept staring at him. “Confession?”

Iwaizumi didn’t seem surprised , and well that was because he already knew what happened. He was there when Oikawa had an epiphany, and the brunette ran straight to him after that silly trick Kageyama pulled.

“Surely you know what that is?” Oikawa said, arching an eyebrow.

“No no no, I get that, I’m just confirming it I heard right cause oh boy,” Matsukawa decided to be dramatic, as he wiped a non-existent tear. “I was scared this day shan’t come yet here it is. I’m so happy.”

Oikawa’s eye twitched. “Shut the fuck up. I regret saying anything now, and you’re to run 20 extra laps at today’s evening practice.”

“Ah, no no, we’ll hear you out-“

“What’s there to say?” Iwaizumi cut into the conversation. He looked at Oikawa with a tern look. “You should just tell him as it is and make it obviously clear how you feel. If you admit it first you win, if he admits to being in love first you’re a loser and you owe me ramen.”

Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi silently. His best friend poked his forehead. “You hear me Dumbasskawa?”

He’s been having some rather strange issue lately. Ever since he had that creepy dream, Iwaizumi’s face looked strange to him. His voice was familiar, and Oikawa knew he’s talking to his best friend, but he heard the same voice in his dreams. The voice withing his nightmare had that ugly tone to it, with some obvious menace. It sounded like his own, but-

He’s just imagining it, and this thing is obviously messing with his mind.

“Right,” he said then. “But no, that’s so lame. I have to make it memorable and glorious, I can’t just show up, say it and leave. That’s not very winning behaviour,” Oikawa said, running fingers through his hair.

“Yes but that’s Kageyama,” Iwaizumi said. “He’s not someone who needs to be swept off his feet by your declaration of love. He’s been whipped since he first saw you play and you were too blind to see it.”

That sentence hurt. It touched that part of Oikawa’s heart, that was prickled with that needle of guilt and it still didn’t heal. It was painfully swollen and bleeding, and just a simple poke at it hurt badly. Iwaizumi probably didn’t mean it that way, but still.

“He’s right,” Matsukawa agreed, nodding. “Just tell him and then kiss him. That’s going to be the best choice of action in my humble opinion.”

“Agreed,” Hanamaki nodded as well. “He’s definitely not going to forget that any time soon.”

Oikawa hummed. His thoughts carried him back to that Friday afternoon. When he could see it clearly, how Kageyama was itching for it, just as much as he did. He almost gave into the temptation, and after the younger pulled on his hand, he felt that urge again. God, he was so ready, to just take the chance.

But well, circumstances were not exactly the best. The more he puts it off, the stronger this itch gets, the more he realises there’s no way he could keep himself back. And he doubts Kageyama is planning on pushing him away either.

So tomorrow, he’s definitely going to do it. Maybe it won’t hurt so much, and his heart will finally be quiet, once they settle. He should also suggest sealing the bond, no? The thought of it makes his head hurt and his stupid heart sing, so why not after all? The doctor suggested that would definitely repair some of the still broken parts, and well that’s what Oikawa is going for.

His weird dreams progressed, and the copy of himself was more and more enraged by his actions. The brunette didn’t quite get it, and the intensity of the rage he felt as he woke up scared him. Like he was back three years ago, when he woke up with those letters on his body, and had a rage fit. He remembers it so vividly, the way his heart filled with agonized anger as soon as he realised what happened. That’s definitely something he kept buried, because never again, did he feel that kind of blinding rage.

So being witness to it from someone else’s point of view – even though that’s just him himself – that scares him a tiny bit. Why was he so enraged? Was it because he saw the spark in Kageyama he lacked, and the thought of the universe setting him up with the one who has what he’s lacking was just so ridiculous?

Whatever it was, it was anything but a good idea to bury it. He feels it creeping up on him, ready to burst on the surface. He feels like he’s not going to have much control of it, once the bubble pops, and he can only hope it’s not going to happen at the worst moment.

Chapter Text

Kageyama had it all figured out. These charades they’ve been playing were making him so frustrated, he could barely keep himself sane. And he knows, he knows, Oikawa feels exactly the same. Maybe he was messing with him, just to see how long Kageyama will try to play it cool. The thought of it made him feel a tiny bit annoyed, but it’s not like he can talk, since he himself’s been pulling the brakes.

He thought about it, and decided he will just say it. Planning a date seemed tiring, and a bit too excessive. Not to mention, he could get distracted in the meantime, and miss the timing. He’s not the one for glamour or anything fancy, so just a simple confession should do the trick, no?

Oikawa’s always been saying he’s a simpleton, so really. The most simple and straightforward wy is probably the best.

“Why are you so happy for?” Hinata asked him, his face pulled in a discomforted frown.

Kageyama’s been so focused on his soulmate, he forgot his best friend was going through something. It was as obvious as it could be, but as he mentioned that to Sugawara, the vice captain just waved him off, saying he’s just moody because they’ve been cutting off ther practice time.

Kageyama wasn’t fooled, but Hinata refused to talk to him. And well Kageyama had other concerns.

“Because,” Kageyama said arching an eyebrow. “Do I need a special reason for it?”

Hinata gave him a mean look. Kageyama felt confused upon seeing that dark expression. “It’s not… because of The Grand King, is it?”

Ah. Right. Hinata’s been holding some weird grudge against the brunette. Kageyama thought he could make sense of it, but the things the middle blocker has been saying just weren’t adding up. Like Hinata had a whole other picture about the situation Kageyama was in. Which could be possible, since he’s not personally involved. It’s not even his nosiness and yet-

Damn. Now he understands why Oikawa was so triggered by the smaller boy. He really is getting on Kageyama’s nerves. Or is he just so used to feel Oikawa’s irritation with Hinata, that it’s becoming his own response?

Wow, that’s rather terrifying.

“So what if it is,” he answered, turning to toss the ball into the basket. “It’s not any of your business that’s for sure-“

“But you,” Hinata grabbed and tugged on his shirt. “You wouldn’t…seal the bond with him, would you?”

The ball fell into the basket, and Kageyama’s hand lingered in the air for a brief moment. After a month of this sneaking around, having people interrupting them, they were finally alone. He could use this moment to inquire what exactly is going on, and why is Hinata acting like this. His scars tingled in discomfort, and he had that strange feeling, that he shouldn’t ask.

Oikawa is going to be here in few minutes, this is not the time for Kageyama to get bitter. He has a hunch Hinata is not going to tell him anything good.

He doesn’t want to be mean, but-

“So what if I am,” he said, his voice dull. “It’s not any of your concern anyway, can’t you-“

“You can’t be serious,” Hinata said, his grip on Kageyama’s shirt tightening. “After… you’re seriously going to do it after everything that happened?”

Somehwere along the way, Kageyama forgot he was being suspicious of Oikawa. He knew there was somethingbeieng hidden from him, but after their bond progressed, he figured the thing that’s being hidden couldn’t be that important. Or hurtful, since they’d been doing fine. So weirdly, he didn’t want to have this conversation with Hinata.

He turned around, pulling himself away from Hinata. “Why shouldn’t I? Everything is going just fine, so sealing the bond is the next obvious step.”

He stepped forward, flicking Hinata’s forehead. “I don’t understand why you’re holding such a grudge against Oikawa-san, but he is my soulmate in the end. Whatever happened happened, and I’m not even in pain anymore. So thanks for your concern.”

That was probably a bit mean, but how ese will Hinata understand?

“What,” Hinata scoffed. “How can you be so calm about this?”

Kageyama looked at Hinata sideways. It felt like his chest was getting a bit tight, and his scars tingled painfully. Tsukishima’s words echoed in his head, and he had that thought, that this was not the place or the right person to have this conversation with.

But still, Oikawa said he’d tell him if anything was harming them, and Hinata seemed in talkative mood. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to merely get a hint? It felt like he was about to sprinkle salt in a reopened wound.

“Do I have any reason not to be?” he asked slowly.

Hinata stared at him with a dumbfounded expression, his face changing to an angry frown, before his expression cleared again. “He… you don’t even know do you?”

Kageyama felt a heavy lump forming in his throat. That cold feeling of uncertainty came back once again, as he remembered the way Hinata approached him with similar words, right after he was discharged from the hospital. He’s been acting strange ever since Kageyama got marked, but untioll now, the latter didn’t really think about it much.

“I know plenty,” Kageyama said carefully. He didn’t want Hinata poking where he shouldn’t.

“As if,” Hinata growled, taking a step towards him. “There’s no way you’d act like this if you knew what he did to you!”

Something sharp clenched around Kageyama’s heart, and he felt a violent pulse in his hip. This is bad.

“Whatever,” Kageyama said, his voice not as confident as he’d want it to be. “If there was something harming us he said he’d tell me. And I really don’t see how this is any of your concern-“

Hinata was fuming, his face getting red with anger, and Kageyama didn’t quite comprehend the situation. He can understand the concern, but why is Hinata so angry? If he himself, wasn’t feeling such rage, why is he getting mad for him?

“Because I care!” Hinata raised his voice, almost screaming the words in Kageyama’s face.

Kageyama blinked. That was the last thing he’d expect to hear. “What-“

“For the difference of that bastard, I actually give a shit,” Hinata said, walking up to Kageyama, looking like he might do something violent. Kageyama could only look at his friend in bewilderment. “And I don’t think it’s fair, that he’s been leading you on like this! Can you even trust anything that guy says?”

That was rather hurtful, and it hit a sore spot in Kageyama’s heart. It was a hidden doubt, that Kageyama couldn’t quite get himself rid of. But he was feeling things, he knew when Oikawa was thinking something he didn’t say out loud. He wasn’t a complete fool, but hearing it from Hinata?

That packed a punch.

“Listen Hinata, I get it, that you’re worried and I appreciated it,” Kageyama said, turning away once again. His chest felt tighter, and there was this tension in the air he didn’t quite like. “But I know Oikawa hasn’t been entirely honest. But it is not your place to judge, he’ll tell me when he wants to-“

“He broke it!”

The sharp claws that had been clutching his heart tightened their grasp, as soon as Hinata’s words reached his ears. His shoulders felt heavy, and his scars were burning. Despite the horrible implication, he knew what Hinata was saying had a high chance of being true. But Hinata’s been acting weird this could be just one of his weird approaches right?

However, there was a void and crippling silence, where Oikawa’s part should be.

And that hurt.

“What did you say?” he asked, his voice dropping.

Hinata kept on rambling, like he was suddenly granted permission to release the frustration that’s been building up in him. “He broke the bond and he’s been doing nothing but lying to you this whole time! And now you’re saying your trying to seal the bond?”

Hinata tugged on Kageyama’s arm pulling him back to himself. Kageyama glared at the smaller boy, who didn’t seem affected by his rageful eyes. “You’re not that stupid, are you? Why would you try sealing something that’s not even there?”

His scars started hurting, he felt like there were being reopened with a sharp steel knife. Hinata’s words cut right through the comfort of the bond he was feeling, as they took another step, and finally acknowledged it. It hurt, but there was a glimmer of hope, that Hinata might be lying. Why did the boy’s words make so much sense? When he knows what he’s feeing, since he’s the one who’s bonded.

Why does this hurt like the truth he didn’t want to hear?

“I really don’t have time for this,” Kageyama said again, his voice hollow. “I-“

“Kageyama! You know I’m right,” Hinata wailed, almost pleadingly, as he reached for Kageyama’s hand yet again. “I heard him, at the hospital, saying he didn’t even feel anything! If he’s been lying then, why do you think he’ telling the truth now?”

“No, he wouldn’t-“ Kageyama mumbled before he remembered. The pain he felt, leaving him clinging to Oikawa, who was looking at him with that distant expression, like he wasn’t even there. He was too engrossed with his own pain to actually consider Oikawa’s strange response but now that Hinata’s bringing this up-

He could feel a faint taste of blood in his mouth.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason he didn’t tell you?” Hinata kept on, oblivious to Kageyama’s turmoil. “He’s not even considering your well-being!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Kageyama roared then, not willing to listen to Hinata’s antics. He couldn’t feel anything apart from the agonizing pain, that’s been slowly consuming. He shouldn’t let Hinata get to him, Tsukishima warned him about this. “I know he likes me, and I know he cares! You’re not even a part of this how would you know?”

Hinata looked at him, like he was feeling the same agony as him. “Oh really? What, did he tell you?”

The taste of blood in Kageyama’s mouth got a bit more intense. He tried reaching to Oikawa through their bond, but it felt like he was hitting a brick wall. There was only agonizing silence, and that dreadful feeling of fear, that Hinata was right.

“No, but I can feel it-“ he tried to argue, but it came out very uncertain. There was blood filling his mouth, and bitter agony was draining his heart. He was feeling happy just mere moments ago, what is happening to him?

“Can you really? Or are you just imagining things, because he’s the Oikawa-san you adore so much?”

That didn’t even sound like Hinata anymore. But it hurt, and it felt like it added another slash to Kageyama’s scars. The pain he was feeling could fairly be compared to the pain he felt on the day Oikawa’s name got written on his body.

He knew that what he was feeling for Oikawa was real. Whether it came to grow from his sheer adoration for the older setter simply because of his skills, or because he’s always felt a spark. According to the stories he’d heard, the souls are bound from the moment they are created, so it was only natural. It makes sense, just how easy it was for Kageyama to fall in love.

But he’d never consider the possibility, of Oikawa openly playing with his feelings. He’d be lying he said he didn’t think there was something suspicious, but he remembers the way Oikawa was looking at him. The way he touched him with such soft and gentle hands, the way he smiled at him. The way he didn’t discard him in that hospital, the way he’s been trying even though Kageyama was the one pushing the other away.

Surely, he wasn’t imagining things, was he?

Somewhere along the way, he dropped to the floor, with his head between his hands, his breathing rapid, and his heart beating so fast, he fared it might choke him up. Why can’t he feel Oikawa?

 Hinata was kneeling beside him, his hands on Kageyama’s shoulders. “If you don’t believe me, ask him,” he said his voice soft.

Kageyama had that strange violent thought of pushing Hinata away, with that disgusting taste of blood in his mouth. He was aware that wasn’t his own thought, as his stomach twisted, and he barely had enough courage to look over his shoulder.

Oikawa was standing there by the door, and the younger boy could see the exact moment the situation downed on him, as his smile – one of those rarely sweet ones – dropped from his face, and his brown eyes got dark. Seeing that expression on Oikawa’s face, made Kageyama’s eyes water.

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama said, willing himself to sound as indifferent as he could. He slowly stood up, not really registering the way Hinata fled from the scene. “It’s not true, is it?”

Oikawa stared at him, with his void expression, before he sighed and closed the door. Kageyama felt an urge to scream.

Chapter Text

Oikawa could feel the blood filling his mouth, but he didn’t stop to spit it out. Once he gets home, behind closed doors, everything will be fine, and he can let his screams out, once he’s sure no one will see him. He could feel his wounds were open again, the blood freely flowing down his hip. His heart was beating so fast he couldn’t even breathe properly, and God damnit, how it hurt.

It hurt so bad, the pain was as vivid and bitter as that day, on Kageyama’s birthday. This time, he could handle it a bit better, since he was ready for it. It was like his body was already new what was coming, and he awoke on Tuesday morning, with that chest tightening feeling. He put the wall up, so Kageyama wouldn’t be able to feel his agony – he didn’t want anything going wrong in the afternoon.

But oh man, was he wrong.

The sudden bad feeling was like an alarm, ringing wildly in his ears, but he ignored it. He had high hopes, that the pain will finally be healed once and for all. They went through everything that could go wrong, and yet they were still… fine. Physically at least, so he thought they’d already reached the rock bottom.

He forgot that little ginger was scheming against him.

His stomach dropped as soon as he saw Kageyama kneeling on the gym floor, because it was obvious. In his watery eyes, as he turned around to look at him, and the way Hinata fled the scene as soon as he saw him. He was too late, and he doesn’t even have a cover up story ready. Perhaps he was stalling too much, and now it seemed like more of a big deal than it already was.

Oikawa would say this tiny detail about the incident three years ago doesn’t even matter now. But the way Kageyama looked at him told him otherwise.

“Is it true?” Kageyama asked, his voice hollow.

Oikawa figured, there’s no use in lying now. He sighed tiredly, already cursing Hinata in his head. That little shit had no reason to meddle with matters he’s not involved in. He might be thinking he’s doing a good deed, but Oikawa can tell this is going to hurt more than it should. More than it would, if Oikawa was the one who approached first.

“So, he told you,” he said, keeping his voice as cold and monotone as he could.

The way Kageyama’s blue eyes watered should not make Oikawa’s heart clench so painfully. Perhaps he should not have said that, maybe Kageyama didn’t actually believe Hinata before. Maybe he had so much faith in Oikawa, that what Hinata said only shook him up a bit. That felt like it could potentially be true, and Oikawa’s heart felt like it was going to burn. How could he be so stupid?

He was after all, someone whom Kageyama looked up to and admired greatly. He didn’t even think about this aspect before. Just how badly is he going to hurt the younger boy now?

“No,” Kageyama said, his voice breaking. “No so it’s… it actually is true?”

Oikawa’s chest was getting tight. “Wait, Tobio-chan listen to me- “

“Why, why would you do that?” Kageyama said, his expression darkening. “You really hate me that much?”

Oh, wait a second. This wasn’t-

“No, I don’t hate you in the slightest,” Oikawa said, feeling his old twisted frustration coming up to the surface, overcoming any sense of remorse and sadness he might be feeling. This is not going in the right direction. “How does any of my actions imply I feel like that?”

Kageyama made a hurtful sound, as he looked at Oikawa like he’s one of the most stupid people he had ever seen. “Are you serious right now Oikawa-san? You literally broke the bond, something you said you didn’t even think about? How long are you going to lie to me for?”

He was probably hoping to sound mad, but Oikawa could clearly see he was on the verge of crying. He really didn’t want to see the younger boy cry, and he had this thought, that he really wants to hug him. Wrap his arms around him, and pull him close, hugging him tight. Hugging the younger so close, so tightly, Kageyama would gradually start to choke up and lose his breath, hugging him so tight he could just choke-

Oikawa blinked angrily, clenching his fingers in a fist. Right, he was angry about Kageyama being his soulmate, that’s why this whole thing hurts so agonizingly. But he had three years to cook and boil his anger, and he woke up one day, realizing the anger had cooled down. Or at least, he thought, that he had reasoned with his blind rage and jealousy he was feeling. He thought he had dealt with it. Or had he just learned how to control it?

The vivid image of his nightmare flashed before his eyes. Perhaps those weren’t just harmless dreams after all.

“Fine then,” Oikawa said, taking a deep breath. His old anger making his blood boil, but his chest was still feeling too tight for his wildly beating heart. “I did lie. But you knowing the truth wouldn’t exactly help our situation.”

Might as well put his cards on the table.

Kageyama’s expression was still a mix of hurtful disbelief and something darker. “What, is this one of those hypothetical situations you were talking about?”

Oh man. Oikawa really forgot how highly Kageyama thought of him. This is going to hurt way more than he initially thought.

“I’m not saying that,” Oikawa said, feeling frustrated. “We already had this conversation before. Would there be a difference, if you knew what happened?”

It was a wrong thing to say, or maybe Oikawa didn’t know what exactly Kageyama was thinking. He had his wall up, and his blockade was preventing him from feeling through to the younger setter.

Kageyama was crying now, and something was preventing Oikawa from reaching over to dry those tears. “Yes! Yes, it would! I wouldn’t do all this if I knew you... you- “

“Oh really?” Oikawa hissed, stepping closer. That magnetic pull was still present, there was no denying that there something was. But the distance between them spoke louder. “Would it change the way you feel about me entirely?”

Kageyama furrowed his brows looking at him angrily. “I wouldn’t- “

“Let’s be honest, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa said then, already sensing how bad his words will sting. This wasn’t his fucking intention. He came here with a purpose to make Kageyama stop hurting, not to cause more pain. But something like this was inevitable.

Collateral damage left from the first breakage.

“Would that tiny detail really be enough to make you hate me?” Oikawa said, pushing on. Kageyama took a step away from him. “Would it be enough to make you fall out of love with me? Cause even after everything that happened, no matter how mean I was, you never fucking backed off.”

“I’m not feeling anything like that!” Kageyama raised his voice, the bitter tears still flowing down his cheeks.

Oikawa didn’t want this. It hurt to see Kageyama cry like that, and it hurt even more, considering it’s his own fault. But at least, he should use this hurtful moment, to rip the band aid off and stop stalling. The hurt was inevitable anyway, and if they started, they might as well see it through.

“Right,” Oikawa said quietly, feeling a distasteful stench of blood in his mouth. “Let’s get this over with then. Hinata told you I broke the bond, yes?”

Kageyama nodded, looking at him with betrayed expression. A sudden sharp pain jabbed at Oikawa’s heart, as another intruding thought echoed in his brain.

“Did he tell you when?” the brunette asked carefully. His heart dropped as Kageyama looked at him with utter confusion.

Wow. Now this hurt on a whole different level, since that meant all his efforts were actually in vain. That meant Kageyama blindly believed Hinata’s word over his, and didn’t even consider discussing this with him. Meaning the younger never actually trusted him.

Was he fooled the way he was fooling Kageyama?

“So I figured he didn’t tell you that it happened three years ago?” Oikawa asked, his voice dull.

Kageyama looked at him, blinking tears from his eyes. “Wait, what? Three years ago?”

“Yes, I broke the bond, okay,” Oikawa said, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. “It happened, but that was three years ago. That’s why I said you knowing about it doesn’t even- “

“You think that makes it better?” Kageyama said then, wiping his tears, looking at Oikawa with nothing but pure rage. “The fact that you broke our bond before my part even started forming, you think that makes it better? If anything, it hurts even worse.”

Oikawa wanted to scream. He felt a violent urge to slam his fist against a wall, until his knuckles would bleed. He wanted to destroy something, he wanted something, or perhaps someone, to hurt just as much as he did in that dreadful moment. It was all for naught in the end. He had no way of fixing this after all, and the sudden realisation only made his heart hurt more.

He fell in love after all, and that’s what hurts the most.

“How fucking stupid can you be?” Oikawa said, barely containing his urge to scream. “It happened three years ago, and it didn’t work!”

“It didn’t?” Kageyama barked back, looking as angry as Oikawa felt.

“No, it fucking didn’t!” Oikawa raised his voice. “If it did, I would be dead by now! Think Tobio, how many people survived breaking the bond? Have you ever even met someone like that?”

Kageyama’s face cleared, just a tiny fraction. “Wait but that- “

“Shut the fuck up,” Oikawa said then, taking a painful breath. He has to get away, before his wall brakes. He can’t keep himself in check anymore, and being in Kageyama’s presence seems toxic and too dangerous.

“You really don’t trust me at all, do you,” the brunette said, not even bothering to phrase the sentence as a question. “You were leading me on just like that, and now you’re making me, the bad guy?”

He laughed, but the sound was so dark, he could tell Kageyama got frightened. Sure, he played quite an important part in this, but it’s not like he’s the only one who wasn’t exactly thrilled upon the situation.

“I wasn’t leading you on, why-“ Kageyama started, his rage still boiling.

Oikawa, however, decided he’s done with this. “Of course, you weren’t. But let’s just think about this from both perspectives.”

His scars were torn, and the wounds were reopened. They were painful and pulsing, bleeding through Oikawa’s shirt. It hurts so bad, but he has to get this over with.

“I did it, yes, I admit,” he said then, loud and clear. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. But I don’t think it’s fair that you’re blaming me for something I tried so hard to fix. You didn’t even think twice, before blindly believing what Hinata said. And that’s already saying something.”

“Don’t turn this around on me!” Kageyama yelled, his eyes still glimmering with bitter tears.

“I am not pointing fingers,” Oikawa said, raising his hands. “But let’s look at both sides. What was the first thing you said to me, as you woke up at the hospital and realised what happened?”

Kageyama’s face scrunched as he thought about it. Oikawa saw the exact moment as the realisation got to the younger boy. He suggested surgery, as soon as he woke up and assessed the situation. So really, now Oikawa is the bad guy for trying something Kageyama also thought of?

“I didn’t do it though!” Kageyama raged back.

“And mine didn’t work!” Oikawa screamed, losing his composure. “And I don’t think it’s fair that you blame me for this, since you thought of the exact same thing! Let’s not forget the tiny detail, that I went under the knife three years ago.”

He stared at Kageyama with dark eyes and burning heart. This is probably their final breaking point. He can’t tell if they’ll be able to pick themselves up after this. Not together, that’s for sure.

“So let’s get your facts straight,” Oikawa started, his voice cold and quiet. Kageyama’s face changed, but Oikawa could only see red. His hip was bleeding. “It happened three years ago, when I had a whole different perspective on this thing. I was the same age as you are now, and I had the same reaction as you. And oh, let’s not forget what was happening with you back then.”

He looked at Kageyama, dead in his blue eyes. “The King of the court just claimed his throne.” He could see that twisted the knife he stabbed in Kageyama’s chest, as his expression crumpled. “So, forgive me for not exactly wanting to do anything with you when you were like that. I just don’t think it’s fair that you can blame me, when you can’t say you wouldn’t do the same.”

That was a punch of a personal level, and he shouldn’t have said that. That was also partially Oikawa’s fault, that the younger boy ended up like that. His jealousy was something he simply couldn’t see through, and his pride wouldn’t let him be… a better senpai than he was.

Still, this was not his intention at all.

He himself started crying somewhere along the way, and he wiped his hot tears away, not letting Kageyama see him cry for any second longer than necessary. He didn’t feel anything but his own aching heart, and this same longing he’d been feeling from the start. He was supposed to apologise, to tell Kageyama something else entirely, not break the boy’s heart again.

But Kageyama was mad at him now and he had a reason to be like this. Oikawa can understand, if he’s going to cut him off entirely. He’s reaping what he sow, and whose fault was this? It was his own, and no one else, because he’d done the unthinkable, and how many people were angry at him for it?

The whole Karasuno despises him, Iwaizumi’s disappointment was indescribable, practically the whole stadium of people knew exactly what he had done. Dos he have the right to feel sorry for himself? In fact, he does. Why?

He didn’t fucking ask to be bonded to that boy. So, he’d say he can’t be blamed for this. He just can’t handle it.

“Huh, funny you said you weren’t going to point fingers,” Kageyama said. “And yet, you make it seem like this whole thing was my fault.”

Oikawa sighed, but taking a mere breath hurt. “It’s not your fault- “

“Oh, I know it’s not,” Kageyama interrupted, his tone distinctively low. There were dried tears on his cheeks, but it seemed like he was done crying. “That’s what I’ve been telling myself, that it’s not my fault this thing hurts so much, and it turns out I was right in the end. No matter how you look at it, something like this shouldn’t hurt so much.”

Oikawa clenched his fingers, his scars hurting. This is dangerous. Everything they were keeping boiling on low heat suddenly boiled on the surface, and it’s going to boil over and burn them both. He was so lost in his own childish grudge, so blinded by his jealousy he forgot he wasn’t the only one in this ordeal.

God damn it.

“What are you saying exactly?” Oikawa asked.

Kageyama took a breath, but it was shaky, and Oikawa could tell it hurt. “What am I saying, what am I saying?” the boy mumbled to himself.

He looked at the brunette with a strange expression, full of hatred, his blue eyes still teary. “If we’re discussing the root of this problem, shouldn’t it be obvious who’s really at fault for this?”

Oikawa maintained his angry expression, as Kageyama pointed a finger in his direction. “You said so yourself, that it’s not me. And let’s be honest, who gave the King of the Court his podium? I definitely did not sign up for that!”

“That is not my fault!” Oikawa yelled then. “And what has that to do with anything?”

“Everything!” Kageyama yelled through a new stream of tears. “Because this wouldn’t hurt so much, if you didn’t look down on me from the fucking start!”

Oikawa’s heart felt like it was bleeding. This really, really wasn’t his intention. He got too defensive, when he should simply apologise and make Kageyama see he’s not the same as before. A task so simple, but everything got coloured red before he could see he was straying off.

“Hold on, that’s- “

“No, shut up, you told your part, It’s my turn now!” Kageyama screamed with agony.

Agony, that shook Oikawa’s core and added another punch to his already hurting heart. Fuck, he was careless.

“All I ever wanted, was for you to like me,” Kageyama said, his voice breaking. “I looked up to you so much, I wanted to be as good as you. Yet every time I tried to get you to notice me, you were anything but kind to me. Always pushing me away, saying mean things with that sick smile.”

The boy wiped his eyes with shaky fingers, looking at Oikawa with so much hurt, Oikawa could feel its reflection. “And now you did something so horrible to me, and you didn’t even had it in you to feel sorry, or tell me? And you said I’m the one leading you on?”

“Hold the fuck up Tobio,” Oikawa said then, suddenly not feeling anything beside his own pain and the resurfaced anger, that was way out of place. Something else was prodding at his heart, and he could tell it wasn’t the bond.

Kageyama’s words cut him deep, just like his own did indescribable damage to the boy. It wasn’t his intention, but perhaps he said those crude words as his defence. This whole thing was cruel anyway.

“It’s not fair,” Kageyama went on, like Oikawa didn’t say anything. “I was actually happy, because I thought you didn’t hate me anymore. But perhaps you kept on hating me, making me feel such stupid things. Tell me, was all of this just a game to you?”

Kageyama looked at him with such a cold expression Oikawa took a step back. “Was this just a game from the start? Considering you didn’t even think about your own wellbeing from the first place? You knew how much I liked you, didn’t you?”

Oikawa’s heart was throbbing, and he could tell Kageyama’s was beating just as fast as his own. He thought he had an upper hand in this. How much did that little shit actually know?

“I never used your feelings against you,” Oikawa said, letting his anger take over. “You think I’m such a jerk I’d play you like this? And risk my own life?”

Kageyama made a disbelieving sound. “Does it matter what I think? You never seemed to care.”

Oikawa’s eye twitched. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You almost killed us both,” Kageyama said, his voice harsh. “Why are you trying to justify yourself?”

“I am not justifying myself!” Oikawa screamed. “I told you what happened, I explained why it happened! I know what I did was horrible, and that it’s my fault, okay?”

God everything hurt so bad. There was just this overwhelming pain and nothing else. His scars were bleeding and so was Kageyama’s. They were doing so good, they were almost fine, and everything just came crushing down, because someone opened their mouth and said something they shouldn’t. Perhaps it hurt more because Oikawa hesitated. But he hesitated because he knew it would hurt.

He thought that if their bond gets sealed and done, the truth wouldn’t hurt so bad. But now as he thinks about it, the pain was inevitable. Because in the end, Oikawa did attempt something horrible. No matter how he puts it, the mere fact he went with it is enough to classify him as a fucking asshole.

Honestly, just how cruel can one be to even think about breaking a soulmate bond? And yet, Kageyama had the same thought. Are they both just so despicable, that they’d go so far, where they could just talk it out and decide to cut contact.

They’re in this mess up to their necks, and Oikawa doesn’t see a way out. An easy one of course. Kageyama trusted him so blindly, and yes, Oikawa did use that to his advantage. That boy got hurt so bad when Oikawa didn’t even think his words could cut someone that deep.

“You admit it’s your fault,” Kageyama said quietly after a moment, letting Oikawa’s scream echo in the empty gym. “But you don’t feel guilty?”

“What?”

Kageyama looked at him with a sad expression, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. Oikawa felt his scars pulsing. He liked it better when Kageyama was looking at him with rage in his blue eyes.

“Tobio- “

“You kept saying why you did it,” Kageyama said. “When it happened but you… didn’t apologise. Am I supposed to be the one who apologises? Am I supposed to apologise for making you come to the decision to fucking cut me off?”

Oikawa stared at the other boy for a dreadful moment with nothing smart to say. His initial response should be him apologising. Like a simple apology could be even enough in this situation, but at least a word should show the other boy he actually does feel the guilt eating him away. That he realised he made a mistake back then, but –

“You’re really fucking dense,” was what came out of Oikawa’s mouth instead of the word he was supposed to say. His stupid pride got in the way once again. “You think I’d be here if I didn’t want to make amends?”

Kageyama stared at him, with a dull look in his eyes. “Is that what it was?”

Oikawa felt his rage bubbling up again. “Fucking think about it Tobio,” he said, angry again. “I could just let it be and I could not even bother with you after those three years. You think I’d go this far, if I didn’t feel guilty?”

“I don’t fucking know!” Kageyama wailed then, new stream of tears running down his cheeks. “I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought I was getting to know you, but I can’t even tell if that was just another excuse! I don’t think you’ve ever even shown me your real face!”

That was what probably hurt the brunette the most. That was hurtful and the worst was, that Kageyama didn’t even mean for it to hurt as much as it did, because the expression on his face told Oikawa he truly was troubled. He couldn’t feel it though.

Wait.

He couldn’t feel Kageyama at all-

“Wait, hold up,” Oikawa raised his hand, taking a step towards the younger boy. The hollowness he was feeling wasn’t right.

“You’re accusing me of not trusting you, when you never trusted me! Hell, you never saw me as a friend at all!” Kageyama cried; his voice interrupted by angry hiccups.

“Tobio, it’s not like that!” Oikawa tried. “I- I..” he got hesitant, but his heart was beating too fast. “I do trust you, but I – “

Kageyama slapped his hand away, harshly. Oikawa stood there, with his hand lingering in the air. The soft presence he’s been feeling when they re-established their connection suddenly disappeared altogether. It was slowly getting out of his grasp the moment they started this quarrel, but he thought his anger was so strong it overpowered Kageyama’s sadness.

But it got suddenly cut off, just like that, and Oikawa felt that dread, just as he did back in the hospital.

“I didn’t ask for this either you know,” Kageyama said quietly. “I know you don’t like me the way I like you, and that you definitely don’t like the fact I’m your soulmate. Tough luck, guess we both lost.”

Oikawa tried grabbing Kageyama’s hand. This wasn’t the desired outcome. He still has something to say, this didn’t get resolved yet surely Kageyama will -

The boy stepped out of his reach, turning away. “I’m too overwhelmed right now. I don’t think it’s wise for us to continue this.”

“Tobio stop that,” Oikawa said, his voice filled with dread. He tried to reach out to the younger through the strands of their hearts, but it was like he was hitting a brick wall. Kageyama was effectively pushing him away by blocking him out. “Don’t do this right now.”

Kageyama stayed quiet, not showing the brunette his face, but Oikawa could tell the younger boy was holding back his cries. God, he wanted to hug him so bad. This was his fault once again, and he swore to himself, that he won’t give Kageyama more reasons to cry for. And yet –

Why is this so hard?

He clenched his fingers in a tight fist, turning away from Kageyama’s back, feeling that traitorous stinging in his eyes. His heart felt like it was stabbed through, and the blood was now freely dripping down his side.

“Be like that then,” he said through gritted teeth, ignoring the painful tug on his heart.

He walked away with a hurried steps, showing open the gym doors. He dared to look back, to see Kageyama was still stubbornly turned away. This was so not his intention, so not like he planned for things to unfold. He wanted to tell Kageyama something different entirely.

“See you on court Kageyama,” was the last thing he said, letting a tear roll down his face, before he walked away, feeling nothing but his own agonized rage.

Chapter Text

It was bad, and everyone was aware. It was horrible in fact, and the way they couldn’t do anything about was even worse. It was like everything they had done to help was in vain, and that this was an inevitable outcome. Kenma said something was quite strange about the two of them, and well Tsukishima could see why. They were practically incompatibly compatible, and it was frustrating to say the least.

Tsukishima will never forget the murderous look on Oikawa’s face as the brunette was leaving the gym. The blood was obvious, and Tsukishima could see he didn’t want things to turn out this way. Hell, no one thought this would be how things played out.

He really shouldn’t care, or interfere because like he stated before, and what he said to Hinata multiple times: in the end it’s between Oikawa and Kageyama and none of them have the right to talk. But did that ginger listen? Of course, he didn’t.

Tsukishima could see the signs, but he hoped he was wrong. He could understand why that boy was acting like this, but that didn’t give him the right nor did it justify his stupid intervention.

Kageyama refused to talk to any of them, but they all knew something happened, and that he found out about the bond breakage, but not from the person he was supposed to. There were droplets of blood on the gym floor, that spoke loudly.

“What the fuck did you do?” Tsukishima asked Hinata, his voice deadly.

Sugawara tried to escort Kageyama home, but the boy said he’ll be fine on his own. Considering he didn’t faint this time, perhaps the situation wasn’t so bad. Hinata tried to follow but Tanaka yanked him back by the collar of his shirt. The way they could all tell the boy’s best friend is the one at fault-

Tsukishima felt sick, and not even Yamaguchi’s presence could help.

“I didn’t do anything,” Hinata said, crossing his arms. “The Grand King brought this onto himself.”

“Listen here man,” Tanaka said, his smile cracking at the corners. “We know you said some shit you were not supposed to, so why don’t you just cut your excuses and tell us, hm?”

“Excuses?” Hinata replied, his voice angry. Tsukishima clenched his fist. “I didn’t do anything wrong! I just told him what really happened!”

Sugawara’s face expression was icy as he asked slowly: “You told him what?”

Hinata looked a bit wary, as he took a step back. “I just told him what he should know! And it’s not fair to Kageyama that he’s forced to be in that kind of relationship if he doesn’t want to!”

The silence that followed that sentence was dreadful and suffocating. Tsukishima’s eye twitched. He didn’t think he’d ever get so mad on someone else’s behalf – and on Kageyama’s of all the people. But there’s just the fact that he himself is not an idiot, and that he personally wouldn’t like to hear something like this from a mere bystander. He can’t say for sure what his reaction would be if he were to be put in this kind of situation, but still.

How can Hinata be so stupid?

“You really are a deranged idiot,” Tsukishima said. “Do you realise that you just ruined everything?”

“Ruined?” Hinata had the guts to raise his voice at the blonde. “How did I ruin anything? I spared Kageyama the pain!”

“No, no you didn’t,” Daichi said, looking disappointed.

Hinata didn’t look so sure about himself. “What? Yes, I did.”

“No, you did not!” Tsukishima had enough. Hinata was getting on his nerves, and this whole conversation will get them absolutely nowhere if they continue like this. Hinata needs to be put in his place, and if no one ese is willing, then Tsukishima will risk it.

“You fucking ruined everything because they were doing just fine,” the blonde said angrily. “They were healing, and you ruined everything simply because you couldn’t keep your stupid mouth shut. I hope you realise, that this could go very bad, and that there’s a high chance one of them might die.”

Was he exaggerating when he said that? Perhaps he was, or perhaps he wasn’t. They all saw the blood on the floor. They all saw the way Oikawa’s nose bled, they all saw the state Kageyama’s body and mind were in.

Hinata stared at him dumbly. “Huh?”

Tsukishima couldn’t quite contain his annoyance. He raised his hand and slapped the smaller boy across his face. “Don’t play dumb. You knew exactly what you were doing, so don’t even try. Just because you don’t have a chance of happy ending with your soulmate, doesn’t mean you can take someone else’s.”

It was obvious. Yamaguchi expressed his concerns once, as he said he saw a glimpse of Hinata’s wrist. That the mark wasn’t clear, and they could all tell Hinata was acting on his jealousy. Tsukishima didn’t actually think he’d go this far, but again he was proven wrong.

He overheard Kenma saying something to Sugawara, how he felt like he wasn’t the only one looking into their bond, and he himself caught Hinata observing the pair like a hawk. He underestimated the boy’s jealousy, or perhaps he overestimated how much Kageyama’s friendship meant to him. In both cases,  Tsukishima should know better, because in the end Hinata is a simple minded moron.

He didn’t feel like hearing Hinata’s whining, so he picked up his things, and left the gym with Yamaguchi. The situation could not get any worse, and nothing good will come out of it if he keeps standing there. Kageyama is probably throwing a fit somewhere, Oikawa will close up and everything they’ve accomplished will tumble down.

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the contacts. He sent a text to Oikawa’s best friend, before he tightened his hold on Yamaguchi’s hand and turned off his phone. He’d done his part and there’s nothing much there was for him to do in the first place.

Chapter Text

Oikawa’s complexion was pale, as he came out of the doctor’s office. He didn’t say anything, his face wasn’t showing anything either and that’s what Iwaizumi feared the most. He knows a thing or two about these outcomes, and he feared that this one in particular would come to be the brunette’s reality.

The change was gradual and sort of terrifying. Iwaizumi was used to those void faces and empty lifeless brown eyes, but this lifelessness was something else. Oikawa could be scary if he wanted to, but this was… not something that was the boy’s goal.

Oikawa became practically emotionless in a span of a week. His face barely changed, and his eyes just kept getting darker. It was like his heart was now made of nothing but stone. This sudden lack of emotions was a natural reaction after a bond breakage.

The circumstances could be either an outburst of all the emotions, or this: nothing at all. It’s a defence mechanism of sorts: the wall builds up around the broken part – or simply around the bond that was starting to form, breakage is not necessary for the heart to harden and to trigger this reaction.

It’s a temporary solution, to prevent from hurting too much, but it’s not a good sign in Oikawa’s situation. To their teammates it might seem like their captain was simply driven into a corner, and that this was the unfortunate outcome.

But Iwaizumi was there, he saw the exact moment when Oikawa’s emotions got stuck and locked away. He rushed to the boy’s house as soon as he received the forsaken phone call. Oikawa’s mother let him in, and one look at the woman’s face and Iwaizumi knew the woman was aware of what had occurred.

Oikawa was standing in front of his window in his room. The first thing Iwaizumi noticed was how silent the boy was. There was some bloody bandages on the bed, droplets on the floor, and Oikawa’s hands were red. It was concerning, and Iwaizumi staggered forward, ready to offer help, when Oikawa suddenly spoke up.

“Guess I fucked up majorly in the end huh,” was what the boy said, with a strange tone.

“I don’t get it,” Iwaizumi said carefully looking at the red drops. “What happened exactly?”

“He knows,” Oikawa said, his voice changing. “And I wasn’t the one who told him. He didn’t even let me explain, but that’s fine I guess.”

Iwaizumi thought to Tsukishima’s text. It’s done.

He didn’t exactly have a conversation with the blonde before, so he didn’t think he meant something bad happened. He thought Oikawa and Kageyama finally got together or something, not that they got further away from each other.

“How, what?” Iwaizumi stood by the door, staring at Oikawa’s back. “You guys were doing just fine you said so yourself?”

Oikawa was quiet for some time before he turned, looking at Iwaizumi with a pained expression on his face. The latter could tell the other boy was crying, as his eyes were still glistened over. A tear rolled down the boy’s cheek, who didn’t even seem bothered by it.

That was so unlike his best friend, Iwaizumi thought someone else was looking at him.

“It seems I was wrong,” Oikawa said, fully turning around. Iwaizumi noticed the amount of blood on the boy’s hip and he raised his arm in alarm. “A shame really but this outcome was expected was it not?”

That didn’t sound like something Oikawa would say. He attempted to fix what he broke, and this behaviour definitely didn’t make any remote sense to Iwaizumi. It was like something clicked, and Oikawa’s mind state switched to a different route. He went so far, lying for so long about the incident, made up three different cover up stories, and now he was caught just like that.

Like he didn’t try to prevent it. Like he’s being cornered, and he can’t get out of it, like he’d pushed himself off the cliff and he can’t come back up.

This was not aligning to Oikawa’s personality at all, and that was already concerning on its own. Beside the way Oikawa’s face changed into something distant and unfamiliar.

“What are you saying? That it was all for nothing?” Iwaizumi said, feeling a bit angry.

Oikawa looked at him. “It’s not like we weren’t doomed from the start,” the brunette said. “You don’t even know how angry I was the morning when I- “

The boy cut himself off, sighing. Iwaizumi didn’t like it, not even one bit.

“Stop saying such nonsense,” he sternly said.

Oikawa stared at him for a moment, before he wiped his tears, leaving blood specks on his cheeks. “It’s fine. This is what I was after anyway.”

Iwaizumi’s heart dropped. “What? No that’s not the solution you fucking idiot.”

Oikawa shrugged. “Wasn’t that what I was after anyway?”

He looked at his bloody hands. “Tobio is just not suitable for me. Not that it matters.”

“Oikawa, I swear you better stop- “

“Why?” Oikawa approached him, his eyes flashing dangerously. “It’s not like he’s going to trust me again. It’s a waste trying to rebuild something that got so awfully shattered. I tried and I failed. It’s done, and I’d hate to see that boy holding me down any more than he already did.”

Iwaizumi glared at his best friend. Perhaps he underestimated the severity of the situation that had arisen but still. The brunette tried so hard, and now he’s going to just give it all up? It wasn’t like he wasn’t entirely unprepared for such situation.

Something else happened, that the brunette reacted like this.

“You don’t actually mean that?” Iwaizumi said, his voice low.

“Yes, I do. That’s how it is.” Oikawa turned away from him, oblivious to Iwaizumi’s dark tone.

Iwaizumi’s eye twitched in irritation, his fingers clenching in fists. He’s been defending this fucker for so long, willingly went along with his stupid lies, despite knowing they’re going to bury him. Despite having a bad feeling about everything from the start, he went along and now he felt like he’s also being fooled.

He could just raise his hands and walk away, but he was stirred in this mess the moment Oikawa told him what he did.

He didn’t wan it to come to this, he thought Oikawa was smart enough to see he’s only digging his own grave. But this shit show ends here.

He stepped forward, violently yanking Oikawa by the collar of his shirt and pushed him to the bed. “Listen here you motherfucker. I’m not letting you do this to yourself, or to Kageyama. I’ve been letting you pull all this shit because I thought you knew better and that you weren’t going to let things go to shit. But fuck that apparently.”

Oikawa stared at him with bloody cheeks and red eyes. The look on his face was empty yet full of the anger Iwaizumi was feeling on the inside. He knew something was definitely broken, and that there’s a part that now will never get fixed.

He knows that, and he’s sure Hinata knows that shit as well. That’s why he gave Oikawa hints, that’s why he was always telling him to man up and just come clean.

He had a hunch of what Hinata was doing when no one was looking.

“There’s nothing else to do!” Oikawa said, furrowing his brows. “And I did know better, I just didn’t think Shrimpy would actually try anything!”

“Right, cause now the Shrimp is the problem who caused this,” Iwaizumi said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re literally giving up after stirring up this shit so much, lying for so long, and now you’re done? As if. I won’t let it.”

Oikawa glared. “I told you Iwaizumi. I fucked it up for good.”

Iwaizumi took a deep breath to keep himself from lashing out. It won’t do them anything good if he suddenly bursts.

“Perhaps. But holy shit, man, you do realise this shit doesn’t affect just you two, right?”

There’s something Iwaizumi didn’t tell the brunette. Just like his best friend kept a horrible secret, so was he. It wasn’t as horrible and deadly, since Iwaizumi didn’t decrease his survival chances by finding it out.

He doesn’t remember when exactly it happened, but he woke up one day, with his mark smudged. It kept smudging until one day, it was gone, like it was not even there.

The disappearance of his mark didn’t hurt, and it didn’t affect him as much as he thought it would. He thought his world will collapse the day he’ll find it gone. His mother was more devastated than him.

He could still feel everything, the pulse of the strings that connect him to his distant other half, his emotions didn’t dull, and he wasn’t having any outbursts.

It was a strange situation.

But one day, he realised he could feel something else than just his own string. He discovered he can tug on the bonds of people around him, but he never took the initiative to do so.

He didn’t feel anything on that day in the hospital, and he was surprised he couldn’t tell Oikawa attempted to break his bond. For some reason, the bond between these two was untouchable for him.

And that’s why this thing bothered him so bad. Oikawa might have been lying to his face from the start. He relied on nothing but the brunette’s actions and words, since he couldn’t try to feel their tug.

But Hinata… Hinata was probably the same as him. He overheard Kenma talking to Kuro about the shorter boy. And it made sense to him, because he tried looking, and he found Hinata’s mark has been smudged, just like his own.

But that boy could obviously feel and freely tamper with Kageyama and Oikawa’s bond. And Iwaizumi couldn’t fucking tell until the guy already tried to cut something. And obviously succeeded.

“Who else would- “

“Fucking everyone for starters, you bastard!” Iwaizumi almost growled.

It didn’t matter how angry he gets now. Oikawa can’t even feel anything anymore, and his own anger won’t affect anything. He realised he’s what some people call mediator. Or spiritual medium but as soon as he’s seen what some of the people with similar conditions do, he closed all tabs and turned away.

He swore to himself he won’t ever do anything to potentially cause the breakage. Unlike –

“Everyone could feel that shit, that’s for starters, but holy shit,” Iwaizumi closed his eyes, rubbing his aching temples with his fingers.

“The things you’ve put me through when you pulled me in this mess. I’ve been vouching for you this whole time, and look what you’ve done now?”

Oikawa stared at him, with a glimmer of empathy, but Iwaizumi could see he had troubles understanding what was going on. His eyes were so dull, like his spirit was gone.

“You… didn’t have to,” Oikawa said.

Iwaizumi sighed heavily as he sat beside him. “As if. You’re my best friend, like Hell I’ll just stand aside and watch you kill yourself.”

He looked at the brunette sideways, “It’s not like you didn’t do exactly that.”

Oikawa stared at him, his eyes filling up again. So, this is what’s going on. Before he becomes completely dull, he’d express various emotions in a very fast period of time. “This wasn’t my intention.”

“I know it wasn’t,” Iwaizumi said. “But you’ve made it this far, you’ve survived something that should put you six feet under years ago, and you’re still here. And now you’re telling me you’re finally done for, and I refuse to believe it.”

Oikawa blinked, few tears spilling over his cheeks, mixing with the blood. “How exactly does this affect you though?”

Iwaizumi sighed, looking away. “When you expressed your concerns about Hinata, I looked into him. I am not on the same level as him, because I can still feel my own soulmate, but I think he can’t. So, you were right.”

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. Iwaizumi looked at him. “He was meddling with your bond. And I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him before he got too far. But I couldn’t – “

“Wait what?” Oikawa regained some of his composure, that shimmering anger returning colour to his brown eyes. “You’re saying that little shit had been doing something this whole time?”

Iwaizumi winced. “Like I said I can’t tell. But it hurt me too to try and stop him from doing too much damage, and yet you’re telling me all my efforts were in vain, and that’s hurtful too. But I... ah I’m sorry.”

“The hell are you sorry for,” Oikawa said bitterly. “You didn’t do anything wrong here. But does that mean you…” he looked at Iwaizumi instead of saying the whole sentence, but Iwaizumi understood what he wanted to say.

“I don’t have a mark,” Iwaizumi said, standing up and walking away from the bed Oikawa has been sitting on. “And I can’t really tell if there’s someone out there for me or not. I can feel something, but it’s faint and too soft for me to truly grasp it.”

He turned to fix Oikawa with a slightly angry glare. “That’s why it bothers me the most, that you’re just throwing it all away, just because some Shrimp came along.”

Oikawa was staring straight at him, but it seemed like he wasn’t actually seeing him. This change in the brunette was way too fast, and Iwaizumi doesn’t even know what to do.

The post breakage numbness was already settling in, and he was too late again. It’s not like he could have a great impact on changing the story since he’d never encountered any situation as bizarre as this.

But this was… terrifying.

"I... I'm-" 

"Don't," Iwaizumi looked away. "It's not like there's anything that can be done."

A beat of heavy silence passed, before Oikawa spoke up again. 

“Iwaizumi,” Oikawa said, his voice low and dull. “I don’t feel anything. What am I supposed to do now?”

And Iwaizumi didn’t know how to help either. He accompanied him to the doctor’s office the next week, thinking it might help. Everyone around him noticed the way Oikawa’s eyes were getting emptier with each passing day, and how he was becoming a bit more aggressive.

He was meaner than before; his smiles were so forced it looked like it physically hurt. He still had some sense of how he was supposed to act according to his image, but to Iwaizumi it was so obvious.

The way he was slowly loosing his senses of empathy was so clear, and so fast Iwaizumi felt like he was just a blink away from seeing his best friend crying from all the pain that was caused. Now, it seemed like he didn’t feel anything at all.

Like he had nothing but a memory of the guilt he felt.

And this was far worse. Iwaizumi didn’t like seeing Oikawa in pain, but seeing him like this –

He felt so useless, because he once again couldn’t tell if there was anything else going on. Did Oikawa put up a wall to prevent himself from feeling the pain, guilt, literally anything, or did that just… happen?

He didn’t know what was going on with Kageyama either.

“So? What did the doctor say?” Iwaizumi asked, when they were on their way.

Oikawa didn’t say a word as he stepped out of the office, aimed a fake smile in the doctor’s direction, who was looking anything but pleased. Her face was full of concern, she was watching the brunette with a glimmer of helplessness. Iwaizumi hated that.

Oikawa looked at him weird, before he stopped and turned around. Iwaizumi arched an eyebrow, looking around the corner of the hospital, but he didn’t see what had captured Oikawa’s attention. The brunette than carried on, like nothing happened.

“Nothing we didn’t know already,” Oikawa said dully. “I fucked up majorly. I got some prescription in case the pain comes back. But you know what a funny thing is?”

Iwaizumi hummed.

Oikawa looked at him, his left eye twitching. A small sign or irritation, but Iwaizumi felt a bit better upon noticing that. “I wasn’t even fixing anything from the start. It was all a kick in the fucking dark.”

Iwaizumi huffed in disbelief. “What? That’s some bullshit. You guys wouldn’t be able to communicate with telepathy if there wasn’t anything to fix.”

Oikawa kicked a stone. “Exactly! I said that to her, but she asked me, if I was sure.”

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa. “What?”

His best friend stopped and turned to look at him. “She asked me if I was sure me and Tobio were talking with telepathy.”

Iwaizumi blinked. That was just plainly ridiculous. Or maybe something wasn’t adding up as it should. But those two were something else from the start so maybe –

“That’s- “

“She made me sound like I’m some lunatic,” Oikawa said.

He laughed afterwards but the sound was sort of creepy, and Iwaizumi eyed his best friend carefully.

“She even asked if I was seeing any psychiatrist before. The woman didn’t believe at all, because apparently the bond is so severely damaged, that telepathy is not even possible in my case.”

“But wait, she did have previous records, did she not?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa nodded. “I don’t fucking get it. All I know is that I can’t feel shit, and I know it’s not a good thing, and this should hurt as hell but it doesn’t and I just want to know if Tobio feels anything but I’m too fucking afraid to ask at this point.”

That was something new. Since Oikawa’s conversation with Kageyama, the guy didn’t mention the younger boy once. He refused to talk about him, and it seemed like he was even refusing to so as much as think about the boy.

Maybe the ignorance was his way to cope, Iwaizumi can’t fucking judge at this point. He doesn’t even clearly know what’s going on, and to Oikawa’s wish he didn’t ask the Karasuno’s boys. Oikawa decided to cut ties for a while, and Iwaizumi-

What else can he do? He doesn’t want to see Oikawa bleed so much anymore. All he wants is for that fucker to succeed at what he truly wants to succeed in. And maybe Kageyama just isn’t on the way.

He doesn’t think so, though. He thinks those two definitely have a connection that cannot truly be measured, but how he can tell that to Oikawa? To Oikawa who can’t even feel the proper, simple feelings anymore?

“Then maybe, you should-“

“No,” Oikawa silenced him with a simple word. “I’m not contacting him, because that might just kill me.”

“Don’t be dramatic- “

“No Iwa-chan,” Oikawa looked at him seriously, grabbing his wrist. “He might just kill me if he lets the wall down. That thing is keeping the ties of my bond together, and if he moves it the strings will break and it’s over for me.”

Iwaizumi absolutely hated the words that came out of his best friend’s mouth.

“You guys were fine once,” he said, tugging on his wrists. “This thing is not so simple Oikawa. And I think you should try one more time. To at least apologise.”

Oikawa let go of his hand, turning away. “There are many things I want to say to that boy. But I fucking can’t and this thing will haunt me forever, but I don’t feel guilty even though I should, but it’s like it’s not my fault. Even though it is, but…”

He looked back at Iwaizumi, this time his face crumpling in a bitter display of emotion. “It was a shallow cut. There’s no way I broke it that bad.”

The pain was evident in that sentence, even though Iwaizumi couldn’t hear it. The words were implying something horrible, and Iwaizumi could believe it. He had seen the hostile look in Hinata’s eyes, he felt his ill intentions, even though not as vividly as he should.

Besides, why would he go to that extension? He himself could do the same to Kageyama, but he doesn’t have a reason to.

Why would he risk his best friend’s life, just to ruin someone else’s?

The worst part was, that no one seemed to be aware. Perhaps they knew Hinata was a threat, but no one seemed to realise just how much of a threat he was. He didn’t even see it coming if he was honest.

Naturally, Kageyama would believe Hinata over Oikawa’s word, when it comes to something like this. Hinata was the boy’s best friend, when Oikawa was someone Kageyama never really knew well, since Oikawa refused to show himself to him.

He doesn’t know him the way Iwaizumi does.

“Fucking Hell.”

Oikawa nodded quietly.

Iwaizumi then dared to say something, just to see if he still understands the boy in front of him, like he used to. “But you love him though?”

Oikawa didn’t say anything for a long, dreadful moment. The boy then turned around, looking at his best friend with a slight glimmer in his brown eyes, before the light faded and his eyes were empty once more. “I think so. I can’t really tell.”

Iwaizumi felt the horror settling, as Oikawa’s lips stretched in a void smile. “Ain’t that the worst part?”

The brunette didn’t know what else to say, so he simply knocked his fist against Oikawa’s shoulder.

Chapter Text

Kageyama was like a raging wildfire. Sugawara thought he’d find the boy sulking, or maybe reverting back into his silent grumpy mode. But it was like completely opposite, of what the boy’s nature is.

He left quietly at first, immersed in his own thoughts, not even letting anyone near him, but the next day, as he came to practice, something obviously switched.

He was visibly angry, he got irritated by every little thing, no matter how silly and unnoticeable it was. He was yelling throughout their entire practice, glaring with those dark raging eyes, and no matter what they tried they couldn’t calm him down.

He would occasionally shut up, as he finished one rageful fit, and his face would go strangely blank, before another thing fuelled his frustration, and he’d start yelling again. Hell, he even got more violent, his serves were getting more and more violent by the second, and not even Daichi was willing to try and receive them.

Sugawara knew exactly what was going on. That post -injury state where it can go one or two ways. Complete numbness or this – a string of never-ending outbursts. But he’d say he’d be more concerned, if Kageyama suddenly started falling quiet, and if his eyes lost that spark.

Complete numbness would definitely be more of an issue. Still, this wasn’t a good sign. And no one knew what their next move should be.

“We can’t go on like this,” Daichi said to Suga, as they locked the gym after their evening practice.

Kageyama got so mad with Hinata for missing a jump for half a second, coach Ukai decided to end the practice. That man was also aware of the problem that made Kageyama like this, and he was as horrified as the rest of the team. He pulled Kageyama aside to discuss something with him and Sugawara was surprised to see the boy had calmed down.

Ukai was anything but pleased when Sugawara and Daichi told him what happened. He never especially intervened, since he said that’s everything but his business, and that they shouldn’t meddle at all – it was too late for that.And to be honest, Sugawara doesn’t think those two would do half the things they did, if they hadn’t be given a push. 

But it was obvious, that the man also knew something more about the situation than the let on.

It was clear that the coach was greatly concerned as well, and Sugawara was curious to know why, but he never asked. He didn’t want to scratch old wounds if they were any.

“Just make sure you don’t additionally fuck them up,” Ukai said, his voice serious. “And I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Frankly, Sugawara thought they did, but apparently they all missed something. He shrugged, looking at Daichi over his shoulder. “I know, but what else can we do though? We’re definitely useless now for sure.”

The captain sighed. “It’s not like we got had anything to play with in the first place. We didn’t do much good with our meddling. Not to mention Kageyama is even angrier because we were somewhat involved.”

Sugawara winced. When Kageyama came to the crucial realisation, that he was basically the only one who didn’t know what was going on, he lost it. He screamed and screeched, yelling every single insult he knew at them.

He threw quite a tantrum, that was more than just a random rage fit. Sugawara could totally understand where the anger was coming from, but the intensity of Kageyama’s rage was…

Something entirely different. And well, something they weren’t quite ready for.

The boy came to conclusion that they weren’t the foes in his situation, but he was still mad about being lied to. That’s probably what stung him the most. Sugawara was sad to see the younger’s face twisted with that agonizing anger.

He didn’t know how to help either, since he couldn’t really understand what the younger felt. None of them really understood, they can’t and they never will.

That’s why they can’t really help, but Sugawara thought they would take care of it, before something like this happened.

If he takes both boys’ situations into consideration, he can’t really blame either of them. He heard some of the words they screamed at each other, words that cut them both on a personal level. They aimed to hit and hurt.

That fight was the moment Sugawara realised just how much sense it made, for those to be each other’s fated.

But well, they wouldn’t even hear of it now. He tried talking to Kageyama but the boy looked at him like he betrayed him on a personal level and didn’t want to speak a word to him for the rest of the week.

Ah, and that hurt.

“Did you hear anything about Oikawa-san?” Sugawara asked Daichi, casually locking their elbows.

Daichi shook his head. “Nothing. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. But I think he’s doing similarly to Kageyama though.”

Sugawara raised an eyebrow. “What, random rage fits?”

Daichi shrugged. “Something like that. Emotional outbursts are quite a common reaction, are they not? Hopefully he can still feel things.”

Sugawara blinked. “What?”

Daichi pursed his lips, looking away. “Nothing.”

The vice-captain couldn’t really tell if Daichi was hiding something, but he let it go, nonetheless. They only have Kageyama to worry about after all. He had seen the amount of bloody bandages in the trashcan, and the packages Kageyama stuffed into his locker room. His soul-mark got damaged again, and the boy had a shit luck of hiding it.

Sugawara caught him trying to rewrap his waist one day, and the amount of blood was definitely something he wasn’t ready for. He got that dreadful flashback again, when his own hands were covered with Kageyama’s blood, when the boy stopped breathing for a moment.

He wanted to help, because he didn’t want to see Kageyama’s lifeless body again. He wanted to prevent the worst but in his carelessness, he only amplified the damage.

But he had good intentions. Because he cares, that’s why he went along with Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s shenanigans.

“It’s fine,” Kageyama said, his voice distinctively angry. “It doesn’t hurt as bad as that time.”

Sugawara blinked from his daze, and approached the younger setter slowly, as to not set of another emotional outburst. He did some research and he learned those were actually anything but good.

He’s been observing the fellow setter, and he noticed his scars bled every time he got angry. And blood was not a good sign.

“Let me help,” Sugawara said, kneeling beside Kageyama, offering his hand.

Kageyama stared at him for a moment, before he gave the bandage over. And Sugawara felt like he might shed tears of joy, since that was obviously a sign Kageyama might be willing to speak to him.

Kageyama observed him silently, as he wiped the stale blood, and rewrapped the wound. Sugawara felt a bit hesitant, about starting the conversation. But he had something to say, and now’s the time when Kageyama might be willing to listen.

“Kageyama,” he started, as he finished the last wrap. “You know that we didn’t mean no harm, right?”

The boy kept looking straight at him. “Sure.”

“No, Kageyama,” Sugawara said, grabbing Kageyama’s hand. He didn’t like the way it trembled. “We had good intentions. I had good intentions, because I wanted you to be happy.”

“I understand,” Kageyama said. “And it’s fine Sugawara-san. It’s not like you broke something precious to me. It broke on its own.”

Sugawara didn’t like that. It turned out, the boy was just hoarding his own pain on his own, probably feeling like his entire world collapsed. The younger was never the one to really admit his fault, or speak his thoughts out loud. Hell, none of them truly knew what was going on inside of the boy’s head.

Aside from…. Oikawa that is. In the end, that guy probably knew Kageyama the best.

Sugawara blinked his dark thoughts away, and rushed forward to squeeze the boy in a tight hug. He didn’t give him any comfort when the boy was hurt for the first time, but he can be a proper senpai now, can he not?

He doesn’t want to make this any worse, and if he can do anything about it with the knowledge he has now, he will act carefully without bringing more pain upon the younger.

“I’m sorry Kageyama,” Sugawara said. “I thought it wasn’t our place to tell you. It’s not our business, and I’m sorry for lying. We didn’t do it to hurt you more.”

“I know,” Kageyama’s voice was muffled. “I’m not angry at you guys Sugawara-san.”

Sugawara leaned away from the younger to look at the boy’s face. He got that angry spark in his blue eyes again. “Huh? You’re not?”

“I don’t blame any of you guys,” Kageyama said. “I would have liked to know sooner, but I’m not that stupid. Tsukishima already explained it to me, and I know why you did what you did but what he did is way worse.”

Kageyama clenched the bloody bandage in his fist, his face twisting. Sugawara leaned further away, surprised upon the expression on the boy’s face.

“He’s the one who did the horrible thing here, so I can only blame him for it. I don’t think I can forgive something like that. If it was just the lying, sure. Oikawa-san was always a liar. But to go such extent-“ he took a deep breath, before he ripped the bandage in his hands.

“It just doesn’t sit right with me.”

Sugawara reached forward, grabbing Kageyama’s bloody hands. “Wait, wait Kageyama. You’re still angry with Oikawa?”

The other boy looked at him with a bewildered expression. “Of course I am. He almost got us both killed. Am I not allowed to be mad?”

“No no, you have every right to be mad,” Sugawara said. “But… how exactly do you, ah, feel about Oikawa at the moment?”

Kageyama dropped his gaze down to the ripped bandage in his hands. The boy stayed silent for a while, and Sugawara observed his face. If he wasn’t mistaken, anger and the feeling of betrayal was not the only thing swarming the boy’s aching heart.

“I hate that bastard,” Kageyama whispered, fingers clenching around the fabric again. “I fucking hate that bastard. I hate him. I hope he hurts just as much as I do, because it wouldn’t be fair, that I’m the only one who’s in pain. I hope he’s as miserable as I am, that fucking bastard!”

Sugawara squeezed the boy’s wrists. He didn’t know what the right way to continue this conversation was, because he wanted to be sure. The boy’s condition would be incredibly worse, if all the boy felt was this rageful hate and anger. There’s no safe way around it honestly.

“Is that all there is to it?” Sugawara asked softly.

Kageyama stayed quiet. And that silence was loud, and it answered Sugawara’s actual question.

“I’m not here to tell you what to think, or what to feel,” Sugawara said. “You can be angry, you can be sad, no one can blame you for either of these feelings. But just be honest with yourself, okay? That’s all I’m asking.”

Kageyama seemed to take his words into consideration, even though he didn’t respond to him back then. Sugawara actually felt quite proud of himself, since he actually gave quite a solid advice to the younger boy. Daichi also gave him pointers for that, so that was yet another indication he did something right.

The random various emotional outbursts continued, nonetheless. Kageyama got more and more violent, more irritated with each day. His emotions swayed as well, from extreme anger to sudden devastation. It was like he was experiencing bipolarity, and that was also scary to look at.

Hinata was a trigger for all the rage fits and violent tendencies, and Tsukishima seemed to be the trigger for that agonized sadness. It took them few days to realize the pattern.

Sugawara could tell Tsukishima was ready to point fingers, and his gaze was already set on Hinata. That blonde was definitely aware of something he didn’t let the others know. Sugawara couldn’t quite tell, since him and Daichi don’t have any additional abilities. And boy is he glad for that.

Nishinoya’s awful dry heaves, and Kenma’s headaches didn’t really seem worth the issue. He noticed Hinata was weird like that too, but he couldn’t quite tell what the younger could do. He was definitely hiding his card up his sleeve.

That was a problem that Sugawara didn’t know how to fucking solve.

“Do you think he meant it, when he said he cared?” Kageyama asked Sugawara on another day. The boy started coming to him for help with the bandages. And Sugawara was never before more eager to help.

“I think he cares more than he lets you believe,” Sugawara said. “You still care about him, don’t you?”

“Like he deserves to be the centre of my affections, that fucking asshole,” Kageyama hissed. “He blocked me again. It’s like he’s proving against his points.”

“He might need some time,” Sugawara replied, knocking Kageyama’s shoulder. “Just like you. You were awfully emotional for the first week, remember?”

The boy hummed and didn’t say anything else. Sugawara didn’t know what that meant really. While he does want the boys to make up and bond once and for all, he can’t exactly force Kageyama to do so. He doesn’t know if he himself would be able to ever look past something like this if he was put in that kind of situation.

So it makes perfect sense, that Kageyama is anything but eager to seal that bond.

But Sugawara is not a blind man. He could see the looks they were giving each other. The way they moved in harmony when they played on the same side of the net, the way they were each the other side of the same coin.

So different yet so similar.

And he could definitely see just how ready they were, to take that next step and be done with it. They all could sense the clear tension between them, their lingering looks.

Ah.

If only Oikawa came clean first, or if only Hinata hasn’t opened his silly mouth.

However, Kageyama has to come to these realizations on his own. Sugawara can’t force him, and he won’t even try. He’s only the observer, he doesn’t know what thoughts are swimming around in the boy’s brain.

Weirdly enough, Iwaizumi truly didn’t come forward. He used to do some occasional check ups on the younger, but since that day, he hadn’t said a word. None of them knew anything about what’s going on with Oikawa, and that was already suspicious on its own. He wouldn’t say they were kept in the dark on purpose but-

He tried contacting Iwaizumi, but the boy ignored his calls. He texted privately and in the group chat they made for that camp. That wasn’t a good idea, since that only started another fight.

Bokuto was writing colourful words in all caps, Kuro wasn’t that different, and even Akaashi didn’t have anything good to say about the situation. Iwaizumi however, stayed quiet, until one day he sent a text, which only confirmed Sugawara’s apprehensions that something wasn’t right.

HAJIME: I don’t have much details, and I hate that it came to this, but keep Kageyama away from Shittykawa for some time.

Sugawara almost tripped over his own feet as he saw the text. Daichi looked at him weird, ready to ask if he forgot how to walk , when Sugawara showed him the text.

“Daichi, shit just got real messy,” he said, feeling like he needs to give an additional comment.

Daichi glared. “Like this wasn’t messy from the start. The fuck does that mean?”

Me: Damn. Why exactly, did something happen?

HAJIME: Like I said, I don’t know much more. But they mustn’t be in contact or else something worse might happen

Me: But is he okay? Kageyama is awfully violent .

HAJIME: No. He’s not. I have to go now, will notify if it gets worse.

Colour drained from Sugawara’s face. He thought the worst already happen. How much worse can their situation possibly get?

“Fucking hell,” Daichi sighed tiredly. “What the hell?”

Sugawara didn’t really have anything else to say to that. Why do all his efforts seem to be in vain?

Chapter Text

Kageyama’s leg bounced in irritation as he sat in the waiting room. His mind was a mess, various thoughts fuelled by various emotions were aimlessly swimming around and he didn’t know how to keep them quiet. He went through it all, screaming from the rage, to screeching in agony of the sadness. He didn’t even know what exactly he was feeling at the moment, but his heart was heavy.

He didn’t know what he should think. What was done was horrible, and the reasoning was even worse. He always felt like this strange period of bliss was a bit odd. Oikawa was too kind to him, he was looking at him with that smile, that Kageyama thought was real. Just what exactly was the brunette really thinking?

He was never able to decipher the older boy, and now that puzzle got messed up all over again. They were both yelling at each other, both feeling old wounds open up, and Kageyama wasn’t that dumb. He knew some of Oikawa’s words were said out of spite and current anger, but still.

He made it sound like it was Kageyama’s own fault, that things turned out this way. As if.

His own reaction was a bit out of place as well, since he had a hunch something like this was lurking under. He thought he’d be ready when Oikawa told him the truth, but God damn it, he wasn’t. A part of him hoped something like that won’t ever turn out to be real.

He couldn’t stay mad at his teammates. After all that yelling, screaming and throwing volleyballs around aimlessly, Kageyama made a conclusion, that the only guy who should be at the centre of his rage was Oikawa. And well himself, for being so awfully mislead. But that’s not his fault.

He just thought Oikawa was sincere. No one can really blame him for hoping.

Tsukishima was greatly annoyed with him for some reason, that Kageyama was confused about. He was even more annoyed by Hinata, and well. Kageyama just didn’t have it in him to try and find out, since he was too busy trying to find a way to let out all this pent-up anger he’d been feeling.

That anger was too much for him, and he’s sure as Hell it’s not just his own.

“Have you tried talking to him yet?” Tsukishima asked him.

Kageyama glared at the blonde. “Like Hell I will.”

He tried.

Multiple times, through every single option he could find. But it was like Oikawa could foresee he’d be reaching out and blocked every single attempt. Kageyama couldn’t call him, his text wasn’t sent, he couldn’t find his telepathic link. That was technically his fault, since he blocked that part, and well he wasn’t entirely sure how he did it.

So, he can’t undo it.

But nevertheless, it was like Oikawa was truly messing with his poor heart, and all that caring thing, was just a phase or something. Since he decided he’s going to disappear from the face of the Earth and leave him behind once again. He wasn’t even sure what he’d say if his attempts were successful.

He’d probably act on his violent tendencies first and slap him across the face. But then what? Sugawara told him to be honest with himself, but what is he even supposed to feel? How can he know, what’s the right feeling for him to have right now?

“Of course, why should you,” Tsukishima glared. “You really want to die?”

“Tsukishima, he tried cutting me off,” Kageyama started, but the blonde cut him off.

“Yes, three years ago. So what?”

“So what?” Kageyama’s eye twitched. “How is that your response? I could fucking die!”

“But you didn’t,” Tsukishima said arching an eyebrow. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, that he’s an asshole and I do not want to see his face,” Kageyama said angrily.

Tsukishima stared at him with irritation before he sighed. “I know that what he did was horrible, and that shit is very close to be unforgivable. But for fuck’s sake, he’s your soulmate Kageyama.”

Kageyama did not completely understand what Tsukishima was trying to say. Like the simple fact, that there should be a bond between them is enough for Kageyama to forget and just hop over there to Oikawa and straight into his lap. Like it’s just that easy simply because there’s a mark on his hip.

“What’s your point?” Kageyama retorted.

“I just think you guys should talk when you’re not at each other’s throats. But how could I know, surely, Hinata has a better idea,” Tsukishima said bitterly.

Hinata looked their way, from the other side of the net. “Hey! I said I’m sorry! I had good intentions!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Tsukishima said tiredly, picking up the ball. “There’s nothing I can say at this point. It’s not like I know any better.”

Kageyama didn’t like that, because he hoped Tsukishima would try to get his point across. But he just gave up an argument, and gave Kageyama a distinctively sad look, before he walked away, and never asked him about the matter again.

Before Kageyama had a violent nosebleed, and a complete random black out that is. Along with his outbursts that were growing more and more frequent – so frequent even he himself started noticing- his physical condition got somewhat worse. His scars didn’t hurt that much, but it was like his heart was still pumping the stale blood out of him.

And well, that hurt.

He didn’t really want to, but at the end he didn’t have any other choice but go to the doctors. He had a rather intense screaming match with Daichi about it, and Asahi was visibly trembling beside the captain. That was another reason for Kageyama to bite his tongue and just go along. Since he noticed his teammates didn’t revert back to how they were before this whole thing started. If anything, they started being even more careful, tiptoeing around him like he’ll combust and shatter like fragile glass.

This time, cutting them along in the process. Which is the last thing Kageyama wants to do.

Sugawara accompanied him to the doctor’s office, and his mood just kept worsening. His mark started tingling uncomfortably, and he had that urge to scratch his skin until it bled. But Sugawara grabbed his wrist, and he squeezed his fingers in a fist.

The long wait didn’t make him feel any better, and he almost bolted out of the office three times, before the nurse finally called him in. She winced as she looked at him, and Kageyama had that thought, that she must be one of those special people, who can sense other’s bonds. Or maybe feelings. Or both, he never actually cared much, since he was too focused on his own mark, hoping he’d get a nice person.

A nice person who wouldn’t constantly stomp on him, making him feel so incredibly small and worthless, like he’s unlovable. Which he’d beg to differ, but at the end, who is he to say? His own mother barely checks up on him, and that woman is supposed to love him unconditionally, just like his stupid soulmate. Maybe he’s just been given the wrong people. An intruding voice inside his head sometimes whispered to him, that someone else wouldn’t have much problem with loving him unconditionally.

The doctor was a woman this time, and she made him sit in a heavy silence for five minutes, as she read through her documentation on her desk. For some strange reason, Kageyama felt better being under her observation than that male doctor, who gave them the check-ups. He always seemed more immersed in their pain and suffering than their actual progressing.

“So, Kageyama,” the doctor started after another moment. She turned to him, with a soft smile on her face. “How are you feeling?”

Kageyama made a face, contemplating what exactly he should say. He could say he’s in pain, or he could say he’s just angry. He wasn’t sure what exactly the woman was asking. “Terrible if I’m honest.”

The woman arched an eyebrow. Kageyama sighed. “Everything hurts, and I’ve been constantly angry lately. Nothing else.”

“Angry? Just that?” the woman asked.

“Angry, sad, disappointed, heartbroken, irritated, annoyed, every shade of these emotions I guess,” Kageyama said, counting the emotions he could think off on his fingers. Might as well come clean, since there’s literally no one else that can help him.

Tsukishima didn’t want to say anything, but Kageyama could tell the guy already knew what’s up. That fucker always knows, but refuses to say, and Kageyama wants to know why but maybe something like this happened to someone and they –

Yeah, Kageyama has enough of his own dark thoughts. He can’t go feeling sad for someone else.

The doctor nodded to herself. “Naturally, that’s a pretty normal response to your situation. May I ask how exactly this occurred?”

Kageyama blinked. “What, isn’t it obvious? My soulmate lied to me and broke the bond three years ago without me knowing. He’s been lying to me since.”

“Attempted you mean,” the woman said.

Kageyama glared. He was going to get mad once again. “I do not care if it was just an attempt. It’s the fact he went with it nonetheless.”

The woman observed him for a moment, before she motioned for him to come forward. She checked his soul mark, and Kageyama observed her face as she looked at the mark. Her expression was entirely different from the strange look in that other doctor’s face as he requested to see the damaged skin. She mumbled something to herself but didn’t comment out loud.

“I assume he was the one who decided to temporarily block the bond?”

“No that was me,” Kageyama said, scratching his mark. “I just couldn’t handle it, so I decided to… shut him out. Why? Is it doing any damage?”

“It’s hard to say,” the woman said, crossing her legs. “This is quite a peculiar case, since there’s so much there, but at the same time nothing at all. Considering the bond got damaged twice, it should be safe to assume there's something left of the aftermath of the damaging. But considering you’re alive- “

“Wait what, twice?” Kageyama asked alarmed, curling his arms around his stomach. His chest suddenly felt tight.

“Yes, the first time was three years ago, with surgery, when your partner decided to try removing the physical aspect,” the doctor said, looking over the documentation. Her voice was incredibly soft as she spoke to him. “The second time happened on your birthday. The pain coming after and unclear emotion sensory is completely normal. So far, I see it like you two are slowly healing from the damage.”

That made it sound like there was almost nothing there. Like everything he felt so far, was just his broken part recovering. Like all the feelings he harboured were just a side effect of his wishful thinking. But he refuses to believe it. It would be easier, if he could just forget about this, and let Oikawa get away, but he’s not planning on being left behind.

No, he won’t let things have this pathetic outcome.

“That’s- “

“However,” the woman started again. “I can still sense something is refusing to let go. This wall you’ve built up is preventing this something to grow and reconnect.”

Kageyama curled deeper into himself on the chair. “What the fuck does that mean ma’am?”

He was so confused. He just wanted someone to tell him, if he should give up or chase. If it’s all too late, if they are too late, and if the happiness he felt was just an illusion. He should be able to tell himself, but he can’t fucking see clearly through all this anger and irritation. He’s at loss of what to do, and what he should want.

He won’t lie to himself though. He did fell in love, and he can’t do anything about it, it only hurts so much, because he was betrayed. By almost everyone. But Oikawa’s betrayal takes the whole damn cake.

“Kageyama, did you ever properly discuss the matter of soulmates with anyone?” the doctor asked softly.

That was an unexpected question.

“What do you mean? I know what soulmates are?”

“Do you really?”

Kageyama raised his head. Is this woman going to give him that thing he needs to figure this fuckery out?

The woman was looking at him with a strange look in her eyes. Not unkind, and far from weird and uncomfortable, but she looked like she was puzzled and confused about something. She sighed softly after a moment, before she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward a bit.

“Soulmates are… a really strange and complexed phenomenal. There’s still so much we don’t know about it, but what we discovered until now, that it’s anything but just a simple mark. The soul bond is a bond connecting two people’s souls, and two people sharing and indication mark is never an accident.”

“No matter how incompatible it may seem, there’s no such things as accidental markings” the woman said, rolling her eyes. Kageyama felt a bit more confused. “The connection runs on more level than one, from physical to spiritual, and well that should already be self-explanatory. And there’s no such thing as bond breaking.”

Kageyama blinked. “Huh? But just earlier you said – “

“There was an attempt,” the woman said, holding up her hand, raising two singers. “An attempt at breaking the physical aspect – such as mark removal – and what happened on your birthday was just a response to the first attempt, nothing more than a reminder.”

Kageyama stared at the woman, not really knowing how he should interpret the information.

“Like I said, the connection connects two souls, practically morphs them into one on the day of bonding. Not the marking, that only awakens the bond. Surgery done at the right moment, sure perhaps that can prevent from marking the other person and the bond never gets truly awakened.”

The woman let Kageyama process the information. It didn’t make sense, since the people went to get the surgeries done with the purpose of getting rid of the other person’s mark and their part. If there’s really no way to break a bond, why do they break nonetheless, and why is he clearly sitting here with a broken bond?

Did Oikawa know all this, and still decided to try his luck?

“Then why is surgery an option?” he asked slowly.

“People can be arrogant and narcissistic, thinking they know better than the Gods, or fate or whoever you want,” the woman said, leaning back in her chair. “The success of surgeries is rather high though, which Is concerning.”

“How is the success rate high, when most of the people die during it?” Kageyama arched an eyebrow.

He felt sick and dumb suddenly. The doctor’s assumption was right, no one really properly discussed this with him before. That’s why he didn’t know what Tsukishima meant when he glared at him: “He’s your soulmate for fuck’s sake.”

Sue him for assuming being soulmates with someone is simple and something nice. Not painful and devastating.

The doctor fixed him with a dark look. “The surgery is successful if the person dies. If the patient survives the operation, that means the process failed. You can’t live without a soulmate once you get your mark.”

Kageyama felt his stomach twisting. Surely, that means Oikawa didn’t know about this aspect of things. Was he ready to kill himself, just because Kageyama’s name was written on his hip?

“And that’s why I think you guys still have an established connection,” the woman turned around in her chair, typing something on her screen. “Most of the doctors would suggest you take the surgery at this point, but I’m personally against that. Depends on what your soulmate’s physical and emotional state is.”

“You can’t tell?” Kageyama asked. If the woman could tell there was still something left, she could know how the other half is doing, right?

The woman looked at him over the rim of her glasses. “I can’t. My empathic abilities cannot reach over the blockage, and I don’t know what’s your soulmate’s name. There was a few people who came to me regarding their soulmate situation, but they were all just stuck, or were having problems with their telepathic link. However, there was one…”

Kageyama tilted his head in silent question. The woman narrowed her eyes, before she looked over her files once more. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s assume your soulmate is in the same situation as you.”

Assume. How he hated that word. He assumes his bond was doing just fine, and where did assuming get him? Almost to the Death’s doorstep.

“So, what you’re saying is, that basically, I’m fine?”

For some reason, that only made him feel worse. He used to think the pain was good and that it was an indication they were making progress. He wanted to believe that was just their steppingstone until the pain would be gone one day. But now it seemed like he was in pain just because. He wanted the reason for his pain, not getting this information, that potentially shifted some of the blame on him.

Well, he was aware of that, in a way. That him blocking Oikawa’s way through was on him. But still, why did the guy just let him do it?

He felt sick as he exited the office. Sugawara gave him a soft smile, but Kageyama couldn’t bother to give one back. Luckily the vice-captain didn’t ask about what happened. It’s not like Kageyama would –

Suddenly he felt his hip twitching. Something tugged at his heart, and for the first time since Oikawa walked away, he felt something move within. For the first time, he felt like he could feel the bond again, just like he used to. He thought he could hear a distant whisper of Oikawa’s voice inside his head.

He stopped abruptly almost tripping over his own feet, as his anger suddenly dissolved. As strange warmth swallowed his heart, and his scars pulsed. Sugawara called out to him, but his voice was muffled and unclear, because Oikawa’s voice was louder.

The boy turned around, feeling a strong indication of direction from where the tug came from. His heartbeat slowly, and he felt like time slowed down for a brief few seconds. Brief few seconds, in which the boy on the other side of the hallway turned around, and his brown eyes locked on his. Kageyama’s heart beat loudly, he could feel it in his ears, his scars were pulsing, but the brunette’s brown eyes were unfamiliar.

They were empty and dark; void from all the warmth he was used to seeing. Oikawa turned around, like he never saw him, and the three seconds passed by so fast, Kageyama wasn’t even sure if he was imagining things.

Was Oikawa really there, or was he just losing his mind? Because the next moment, as he came to his senses, he felt that vivid anger and rage again, his scars stopped hurting, and his heart eased back into that regular beat. Oikawa’s whispers disappeared like they were never even supposed to be heard, and all Kageyama could sense was that blank wall of his own blockage.

But Oikawa’s void face followed him home, and he couldn’t get rid of the shiver down his spine as he thought of those empty eyes.

Chapter Text

He could remember his dreams this time. It was dark and suffocating, he still remembered himself choking when he woke up. He saw himself in those dreams, sitting in a dark pool of something wet, yet it was thicker than water. He couldn’t tell what was happening, and the boy that looked like him did not speak. He just stared straight ahead, not even moving an inch.

He wanted to see what the boy was looking at, so he turned to the direction at which the boy was staring. He couldn’t tell what it was, it seemed like it was some sort of gash in the tapestry of the dark walls. He never really understood what was going on in these dreams, but he hated them.

It wasn’t the way he couldn’t clearly tell what was going on, it was the way the dream made him feel. He got that sense of dreadful horror, some fear of the what’s behind that gash on the wall. Maybe the boy was waiting for the monster behind to come barging through.

He heard a voice once, a familiar soft voice, that should not be here, in this suffocating room. The familiarity of the voice made his ears bleed. Sometimes, he heard that whisper inside his head through the day. Sometimes it was so soft and silent he missed it, but sometimes it got so loud he had to turn to look over his shoulder just in case-

Just in case the brunette whispering to him was really there. But that was nothing but merely his wishful thinking.

The voice was not real, and he could only remember how it used to sound. The whispers were not clear, he could not even make out the words. If there even were any actual words being said. These dreams always made him feel dizzy, like the whole dream was something entirely different. He felt like that open space was real, but something he can’t quite get to if he wanted.

The spitting image of him still didn’t move. The boy always just stared straight ahead, looking at the gash. He forgot to check, maybe the gash wasn’t always there, or maybe it was a different size every time he fell asleep and woke up here. He thought about asking the boy what he was doing, but as he wanted to voice his thoughts, the boy looked at him with bored expression on his face.

He pointed at him slowly, and that’s when he felt that horrible tearing stinging pain slashing through his chest and hip. His hands got wet as he pressed them to the open wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. But the blood kept flowing, his heart kept pumping, and the pain kept coming.  The boy just kept looking, his hand raised, finger pointing in his direction.

He kept silent, as he couldn’t handle the pain anymore, and he wanted to scream. He felt his neck muscles strain, as he tried to scream, but the sound did not make it past his lips. He fell to his knees into the thick cold liquid. His blood flowed down his arms, into the black water. Why was this happening?

He couldn’t stop the pain, or his blood from spilling through his fingers. He wanted to wake up from this agony, but he couldn’t control this. Despite knowing this was not real, he couldn’t force himself from awakening.

The boy looking at him stood up suddenly, walking slowly to him. He stared him down, before he kneeled beside him and grabbed his head, shoving him under the water. He realised the water was blood. Whose, he had no way of knowing.

Hands grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back up, and he gasped for air. Everything hurt, and he just wanted this to stop. What was this, and why was he having these dreams? Couldn’t he dream of something else, like his recent volleyball match? What was this?

A replica of himself grabbed his wet face, squeezing his cheeks. The boy looked mad now, but his eyes were shining with unshed tears. Like he was in pain, just like himself.

“This is not my fault,” the boy said then, his voice so similar to his own. But it was rough and low, like his vocal chords have been scratched raw from screaming.  “This is not our fault.”

He didn’t understand what that meant. The boy never spoke before, how is he supposed to understand what he meant?

The gash on the wall suddenly stretched more, new space being opened. That caused another scorching pain to the already burning agony in his chest. The boy released his face, and he looked at the gash. It looked like someone was desperately trying to get through, and he didn’t want to know who was on the other side.

He stood up, ignoring all the pain and turned away. He started running through the bloody water, hoping to get far away from that wall. Far away from that pain. But the whispers suddenly turned into ear piercing scream, and his whole body shook. He tripped and dived under the water, losing his senses of orientation and space.

Kageyama woke up with a scream ready to be ripped out of his throat. He still felt that pain in his chest, his room was dark, and he searched for his panda plushie with shaky hands. His breathing was fast but too slow for his rapidly beating heart. He grabbed the panda plushie, hugging it tight to his chest, curling his body around it.

He tried to get his heart to slow down, but the feeling of terror didn’t go away. He felt a violent tug on his heartstrings, as he squeezed the plushie tighter. He pressed his face into it, letting the soft material soak up his tears.

How he wished that stupid ridiculous plushie was something else. Someone else. 

But the plushie was always just a plushie, and no matter how bad he wants it to be a person, it was always going to be just that. It doesn’t really help, but just a reminder of who had given it to him, and why it was given to him is enough. Even If the truth is a bit different, if there was some other purpose behind it, he doesn’t care.

The plushie was from Oikawa, and most likely the only thing he got left. There wasn’t a day in which he didn’t fall asleep without it. And the first thing he did, as he came back home after the day he found out the truth, was to hug the plushie close.

After these horrible dreams, his wish for the panda to be the person who had given him the plushie became a frequent thought on his mind. He still hurt, and the situation seems like it can’t be easily fixed, but he realised he doesn’t want this to be the end. He didn’t shove Oikawa out on purpose, he just wanted some time.

He asked for some time, but he didn’t want this.

Hinata said he should just cut him out completely. That he should do the same thing the brunette did to him. “It’s not like his part is whole, so if you just cut the last piece, you won’t die.”

Kageyama looked at Hinata in question. The other boy blinked at him. “What, didn’t you say there were times when you couldn’t tell if he was actually feeling it or not? That means there was something missing, don’t you think?”

That was oddly specific, and Kageyama thought about it hard. The doctor said she could still sense there something still is, but if he was to ask Hinata, it was all for naught. Who was he supposed to believe?

“Well, that’s… true,” Kageyama said clenching his fist. “But still, there’s a risk it might affect him as well not just me. And I don’t want to cause him any more harm than I already did.”

Hinata made an annoyed sound and jumped up from the bench. He reached up and flicked Kageyama’s forehead. “Won’t you think about yourself for once? You sound like you’re only thinking about the Grand King.”

Kageyama scoffed, looking away. As much as he wanted to deny Hinata’s words, he just couldn’t. Since this whole thing started, he was thinking about what Oikawa was thinking, what the boy was feeling.  

“Why is that anyway?” Hinata said scrunching his nose. “Are you willing to forget just because he’s The Grand King or something?”

“No!” Kageyama got mad again, stepping away from Hinata. “It’s not because of that! It’s because he’s Oikawa-san and you don’t even know how much I – “

His words got stuck in his throat. How much he... what? How much he hates him for what he did to him? How much he resents him for not looking his way when they were in middle school? How much he hates him for the way he’s always looking down on him, like he’s somewhere up, where Kageyama would never be able to reach?

How much he admires him? How much he likes him?

Oikawa’s face suddenly appeared in his mind. That rare real smile, the fondness in his brown eyes. That intense look he looked at him when Kageyama gave him that stupid keychain. The way he leaned down and kissed his cheek before he left. The way he made him feel so many things in so little time. The way he held his hand, the way he let him play volleyball with him.

But the brunette’s eyes were not always this soft. Before any of this happened, just few months before he played with Oikawa on the same side, they went against each other. Oikawa was faster, he was stronger, and Kageyama got pushed down. The brunette stared at him with that cold look in his eyes, like Kageyama was something he needs to kill. Like he’s nothing but his steppingstone.

It was the fact that Kageyama realised Oikawa already knew they were soulmates, when he aimed that empty cold look his way. He already knew his own name will spell out on Kageyama’s hip, and he did nothing about it.

He kept quiet and let the things unfold the worst possible way.

“How much you what?” Hinata asked.

Kageyama grumbled looking away. “Nothing. Why are you so interested anyway?”

The other was quiet for a long moment. Kageyama thought that was going to be the end of their conversation, so he prepared to walk away, when Hinata grabbed his jacket. “I just don’t want you to die.”

Kageyama looked at the other boy, who was looking down at the ground. “I don’t think it’s fair, but I don’t get a say in the end. But I’d hate to see you hurt. I never intended to harm either of you, but I just thought…”

Kageyama did not like Hinata’s words. He fully turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. “You thought what?”

Hinata stared at the ground, biting his lip before he hesitantly looked up. “These things are not supposed to hurt.”

He knew that. That’s one of the main reasons why this was so fishy. Everything always hurt. There were moments when the pain was dull, and Kageyama thought it was gone. Maybe he was just getting used to it. That thought made the hurt even worse.

“Why do you think, that he didn’t want me to know?” Kageyama asked after a moment. Hinata wasn’t the best for this conversation, since he quite obviously had grudges against Oikawa.

But he just wanted a reason. He just needed something to point at, something to blame for this hurt he was feeling.

Hinata scratched his neck. “I… don’t know. Didn’t he tell you?”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t eavesdrop,” Kageyama looked darkly at the smaller boy from the corner of his eye.

The boy pulled his shoulders up to his red ears. “Hah… don’t blame me you guys were quite loud.”

Kageyama sighed.

“Was that the last time you guys talked?” Hinata asked. When he asked that first, two months ago, his voice was full of something bitter. Now, he sounded more genuine about it.

“Yeah, but that’s on me this time,” Kageyama said. “I blocked him out. I thought it would hurt less.”

He was wrong of course. The blockage was anything but painless. He started noticing the strain it pulled on him, as he tried to maintain it. It was exhausting and it hurt as well. He thought about trying to break it through, but his nightmare replayed in his head and he didn’t go through with it.

Letting the wall down might hurt more.

“I think you should… talk to him again,” Hinata said.

Kageyama looked at the other surprised. “Didn’t you just say I should cut him off?”

“That was… before I knew you blocked him. If that happened on your will, then that’s fine, but if that was automatically, that’d mean the bond was protecting itself by self-sabotaging I guess,” the boy explained.

And Kageyama had that hunch. That this sentence was way too specific, and definitely not a random thought the boy harboured. Besides, he was the person Tsukishima was angry with the most, and the blonde surely had good intentions when it comes to this.

Not to mention how Hinata was always there. He knew what happened first-hand, and he heard Oikawa himself say some things.

“Hinata,” Kageyama started, positioning himself against the door frame so the smaller boy wouldn’t get a chance of getting out of the room. Kageyama has been in the dark for long enough. “You wouldn’t happen to be one of those special people, would you?”

Hinata’s face flushed as he looked at anything but his friend in front of him. Already a sign of guilt. “Um what, no why would you think that? I just heard some things that’s all heh.”

“I’m tired of people lying to me, or not telling me things,” Kageyama’s eye twitched, as his fingers dug into his bicep. His emotions were still unstable, and with Hinata around he tend to lash out more frequently.

That was already an indication on its own.

“So be honest. For the sake of our friendship if not for me.”

Hinata took a breath, taking a step away from the taller boy. “I never wanted to complicate things. I didn’t know I could do this until my… my mark got smudged. And I only had good intentions I swear!”

Kageyama’s anger persisted, but there was a sprinkle of sadness. He didn’t know about Hinata’s soul mark. Was he so immersed into his own pain that he didn’t see Hinata was also hurting? But how the hell was he supposed to know? And he can’t do anything, so why does this bother him?

“Good intentions?” Kageyama arched an eyebrow.

Hinata looked at him with desperation for his understanding, before he took another breath. His words then started spilling, as he just talked and talked, telling Kageyama everything he’s been doing. Why he knows so much despite he never discussed anything in particular with Kageyama. Why sometimes Kageyama felt like he’s been doing something wrong, why it hurt when it shouldn’t and why his scars never healed.

With every word, his chest felt tighter, and his flame of anger burned brighter. The feeling of betrayal returned once more, like a knife in his back. The knife kept twisting and turning and Kageyama felt sick.

“I just wanted to see how bad it is, simply because I wanted to help. I wanted to help because I care, that’s why I did what I did, but that’s all,” Hinata rambled, waving his arms around nervously.

Kageyama’s glare hardened. “So, what are you saying exactly?”

Hinata looked guilty. He didn’t even need to nod for Kageyama to know that was true. It made him sick, and he felt the urge to throw up. His stomach flexed on reflex, as his scars pulsed. Just as he thought the worst was over, something else just had to be added. Like Oikawa scarring him was not enough.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata said, bowing at the waist, his body trembling. “I just thought it wasn’t fair. My intention was not to hurt, and I know nothing will change the marks, because rebounding is not possible. I am sorry I got in your way.”

"That does not answer my question."

Hinata kept looking at the ground, unable to look up at Kageyama's face. "I might have... amplified few effects."

The taller boy did not like those words. "What?"

"I didn't impair anything though! The original pain was not my doing, I just triggered some side effects, because I thought it would be better if you thought you were in pain because of Oikawa-san, so that you wouldn't seal the bond. I was wrong and I stopped when I accidentally gave Oikawa-san that nosebleed because I didn't actually mean to harm him. Or you."

Kageyama's eye twitched in irritated anger. That made this whole fucked up situation even more horrible, since he's always been feeling off. Sometimes it seemed like he was the only one who felt something, and now Hinata openly admitted he did something that triggered the side effects. He didn't even see the signs, he doubted these types of people even existed. He wouldn't think it was Hinata of all people but after everything, after Tsukishima's warnings, and Oikawa's strange hostility towards the younger, it made sense. 

Hah. 

He was once again too blind to properly see and he was fooled again. Does he trust too easily, or does he just want this to work out so bad, that he willingly overlooked the obvious signs?

Either way, what was done was done and there's nothing much to do about it. In the end, he can use this new information to confront Oikawa, and use this as a counter attack, if he tries something stupid again, such as shifting the blame or even trying to get out of talking things out with him. He'd have to figure it out first, what was Hinata's doing and what was actually hurting. No one can help him with that, and that's why it was so goddamn hard. 

He sighed as he stood up, ignoring the red drops on the panda's white fur. He doesn't have much time, since he needs to be in top condition for the volleyball match, and with this pain constantly gnawing at him, and Oikawa stubbornly hiding away, he's going to fuck up once again at their match. He doesn't want to be the reason why they lost. 

Again. 

He made up his mind what his next step will be. He still can't help but feel that hatred and anger when he thinks about the brunette and forgiveness is not something he'd be able to give the brunette over night. but he needs to make sure if that bastard actually wants it. 

He's not entirely sure he'll be capable of giving it though. 

Chapter Text

Oikawa got used to it. The rate at which he adapted to his inability to properly feel things was alarming. He observed his face in the mirror, actively thinking about things that make him mad. Or well, things that should make him angry, but considering his situation, they didn’t. It was terrifying, how he could not even find it in himself, to be angry.

He thought it would come naturally over time. That if he encountered something that used to make him mad, or disappointed or sad even – literally anything at this point – that he could feel something. But there was nothing, not even a spark. He wasn’t even alarmed about that discovery, that’s how he was aware something is definitely wrong.

He didn’t know what to do about it. He successfully hid his emotional error from his teammates, but he had a hunch they weren’t exactly fooled. His timing was fairly off, and his response was not in the line of the emotions he was supposed to feel, if he could.

But what does this mean exactly? That his bond was gone after all? Numbness and emotional void were not exactly a mere side effect of something. It’s more of a result, or the aftermath. Physically he felt rather fine, and he even pushed himself harder, right to his limit. There were barely any breaks that could slow him down at this point, since all he felt after a while was the ache in his muscles.

His heart hurt too, in a way.

It was the muscle that hurt, not exactly how he ever thought it'd hurt. But alas, he didn’t have it in him to actively give a shit about any of this. Kageyama appeared on his mind from time to time, and he thought how the boy was holding up. Could he tell Oikawa was like an emotionless doll? Or was the connection broken, and maybe he didn’t even care.

The brunette sighed in annoyance, sending the ball over the net with neck breaking speed. It’s no use thinking so hard about this, since he can’t come to a clean conclusion no matter how hard he tries.

“He wants to talk to you,” Iwaizumi said to him.

Oikawa’s fake smile slipped off his face, as he ushered Kindaichi and Kunimi out of the gym. So far, only Iwaizumi knew about his condition, and he’d prefer to keep it that way. It’s not like anyone can help him, but he doesn’t want to see any pitying looks. He brought this upon himself after all.

“So? I have nothing to say to him,” the brunette answered his voice almost monotone.

“Like Hell you don’t,” Iwaizumi retorted. Oikawa figured he was feeling a bit annoyed with him, considering his loud voice. He had troubles deciphering other’s emotions as well.

Oikawa still stared ahead of himself, as he said: “What exactly am I supposed to tell him then?”

“Proper explanation and an actual apology would be a nice start, don’t you think?” Iwaizumi answered.

Oikawa forced a glare on his face, as he turned around to face his best friend. Was his game of masks and faces as good as it used to be? “How exactly do you expect me to do that, when I don’t even feel sorry at the moment?”

Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to say something, but Oikawa cut him off. “I already gave him my reasons, but he was the one who wouldn’t listen. And now this, I can’t sincerely apologise for shit if I can’t even feel anything. Why bother?”

“Shittykawa don’t be an idiot,” Iwaizumi approached him, his tone getting irritated. “You’re like this because you stalled, and what else is there left for you to do?”

Oikawa kept glaring, as he fully turned around to face his best friend. Ah, how he hoped he wouldn’t be pulled into this mess. This was his burden to carry, but Iwaizumi was still hurt by it. He saw it too late, and it’s come this far, that Oikawa can’t really fix it.

How could he, he can’t even fix himself.

“I can’t fucking face him like this,” he sneered, feeling like he’d be angry if he could be. “I don’t know how he’s holding up, but holy shit Iwa-chan. I’m not even angry right now, but I feel like I should be that’s why I’m like this right now, but I can’t fucking fake it in front of him. Because he’ll know I’m once again, trying to fool him.”

He squeezed his fists. “And I’m done playing charades. I’m done with this fuckery, because I’ve hit rock bottom and there’s literally nothing worse that could happen to me at this point.”

“You didn’t die yet,” Iwaizumi said, glaring back at him.

“Cause death’s the worst outcome,” Oikawa deadpanned.

Iwaizumi punched his shoulder. “Yes, it fucking is! Death is the worst fucking outcome what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi with his empty brown eyes. It’s not like Iwaizumi needed an answer. He let the silence speak for him.

“Ah,” Iwaizumi sighed tiredly. “Didn’t I say, that I won’t let you do this to yourself?”

“I am royally fucked Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, raising his arms. “It’s obvious, that there’s no salvation for me. You can’t do anything for me now.”

“That’s not true, and you know that!” Iwaizumi raised his voice. “You said you’re faking your anger because you think you’d be angry in this situation. That’s an obvious indication, that you can clearly recall how these emotions used to feel!”

“So?” Oikawa couldn’t understand what Iwaizumi was saying. “At least I’m not dead. Is that what you want me to say? That I’m glad I didn’t die?”

Iwaizumi glared at him but didn’t say anything for a long moment. Oikawa simply stared at him, with nothing smart to say. His best friend then raised his hand, and slapped him across the face.

“Don’t fucking say shit like that. Humans are beings with emotions, and not feeling them is the same as being dead. You’re scaring literally everyone with this shit you’ve got going on, and I know for a fact Kageyama is fucking not doing well either,” he said as he grabbed Oikawa’s collar, shaking the boy with vicious strength.

“Don’t you ever talk about death so freely again, cause I will not fucking hear it. Nor will I let you live on like this. So fuck you, fuck that, and you’ll let me help.”

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “Help? How exactly?”

Iwaizumi’s eyebrows were furrowed as he released Oikawa’s collar and shoved him away lightly. “You’re going to break that goddamn wall you’ve built, and you’re going to talk to Kageyama.”

A light pang pierced Oikawa’s chest. Or maybe it didn’t but he’ll pretend he felt something hurt at the mention of the boy’s name. He thought about that stupid keychain he was gifted. The way that stilly crow was the only good memory he had left. The nightmares were more vivid after that day, and one time, he dreamed about being stabbed in the heart with a key of all things.

The key had that crow charm, and the hand that shoved the key into his chest was very familiar.

“Hell no,” Oikawa stepped away from Iwaizumi. “That might hurt. And I don’t want to feel that much pain again. Besides, didn’t I tell you? Just seeing Tobio’s face can kill me.”

“That’s some bullshit,” Iwaizumi said. “You guys are fucking soulmates for fuck’s sake. These things are not supposed to be deadly. You messed it up so much, fix it you fucking idiot.”

“How would you know?” Oikawa mumbled, absentmindedly rubbing his hip.

Iwaizumi punched his shoulder. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I’m coming over after school, you better be ready.”

“Wait what no, why?” Oikawa yelled after his best friend, who ran out of the gym. “Iwa-chan? What the fuck man?”

Iwaizumi turned to him, and gave him a mock salute as he yelled: “We’re breaking that wall. If you won’t do it, I’m doing it for you!”

Oikawa could only stare after his best friend in complete and utter confusion. How is that supposed to help? This thing started as a response to all the pain, and letting the wall down will just cause more harm, would it not? He’s been living in blissful ignorance of all the pain he should be going through. He knew this wasn’t the end, and that he won’t get away with it that easily.

But god, did he hope he could. He hoped that everything he’s been through would be the end. He doesn’t remember how much his scars used to hurt, and he doesn’t really want to. This is not ideal, since he doesn’t feel fulfilled no matter what he does. Even volleyball cannot make him recall the feelings of happiness anymore. And that was one of the most important things in his life.

To think all of it could be gone in a blink of an eye, few harsh words sent his way, cut straight to the heart, and here he is. Feeling empty and void of fucking everything.

Would his feelings return after he’d see Kageyama’s face? Would it trigger the bond, to force it back to healing? Or would letting the wall down just bring all the pain awaiting him, burying him under? He can’t tell. He never want for this to have this outcome, but honestly, was he a fool to try?

He looked around himself as he walked home after class. All these people laughing, talking, yelling, smiling, arguing. What would they do in his place? Would they try to understand why he did the deed three years ago, and would they blame him for it? As complete outsiders to his situation, would they point fingers immediately, or would they consider his situation? Would they even want to understand?

The problem was that he never bothered to ask, what Kageyama thought about soulmates. Some people couldn’t care less, and went on their merry way, disregarding their mark. Falling in love with someone who was not their fated significant other, being hurt when they didn’t feel the same. Or maybe being happy when the other marked person returned the feelings. Some of them were convinced it was all just a farce, some silly trick. Irrational explanation, but Oikawa didn’t bother to understand.

But there were people, who cherished their connection above literally anything else. Who thought a man could not live without his fated partner, who were convinced one’s soul becomes whole after meeting the soulmate. But that was also stupid, because what if your soulmate was somewhere you just can’t reach? What if the person is somewhere where you’ll never go?

He had quite a view on these things. He was dreaming about what his person would be like. How they would make him complete, how he’d reach the top with them. He read the stories from those people who cherished the bonds, and he even daydreamed sometimes, when he was younger.

However, no need for him to revise how badly his dreams got shattered on the morning of his marking.

He figured he was incredibly lucky, that his soulmate was someone so close to him. Someone practically in his grasp. Someone he knew, someone who was already looking at him, before he wanted him too.

Oikawa kicked a stone of his path. He could understand after all, why everyone would be so mad at him for attempting a breakage. He was so goddamn lucky to get Kageyama as his soulmate, but he was too fucking childish to see that. He almost had everything he ever wanted, and he let his pride get in a way, ruining something beautiful forever.

But he had a reason, a selfish one, but it seemed reasonable at the time. Can something be done about it now?

Familiar voices reached his ears, and he looked around, visibly confused. He realised he took the wrong turn somewhere and ended up near Karasuno high. He forced a laugh out of him, as he came to absurd realisation. He wasn’t even aware he was going the wrong direction.

Was this pure mistake or was this some higher force, or maybe his foolish heart that lead him down this alley?

Kageyama’s loud angry voice reached his ears, and that was suddenly enough. He remembered his conversation with Iwaizumi, and he turned on his heel abruptly and bolted out of there. He had to pass the gate, unfortunately, and he was probably unavoidably seen, but he paid it no mind. He felt like something was rushing him away. He was not ready for the pain to come his way anyway.

He didn’t tell Iwaizumi about his silly mistake. The boy actually came over, knocking on his door after an hour. Oikawa didn’t actually think Iwaizumi was serious, yet here he was.

“This is probably going to hurt a lot,” Iwaizumi said, as soon as Oikawa’s bedroom doors were closed.

The brunette arched an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to be surprised?”

Iwaizumi ignored his snarky remark, as he approached him with a serious expression on his face. He still looked angry, and Oikawa had that thought, that he might get slapped again if he accidentally says something dumb. He’s no masochist or anything, but the familiarity of Iwaizumi’s punches brought him some strange calm.

Or whatever the fuck that was.

“Listen, I’ve never done this before, because I never wanted to meddle with other’s bonds and such, so this might not work,” Iwaizumi said slowly. “But I looked into it, and I’m confident enough to not fuck it up.”

Oikawa pursed his lips. “Doesn’t sound so confident to me. Maybe we should not take any risks ay?”

Iwaizumi glared at him, before he held out his hand. “Shut the fuck up and give me your hand.”

Oikawa did not want to do that. He’s been living in this painless bliss for the past week, and he’d rather continue living without any pain if it’s possible. Sure, that means Kageyama is potentially as fucked as him, but he really can’t think about anyone other than himself. It’s not like he’s not in this mess because he thought about anyone else. It’s always been just his own wellbeing on his mind.

So, he might as well be a bit more selfish, can he not?

Iwaizumi did not agree, however. He sighed and grabbed Oikawa’s hand by force. The brunette decided to not even ask what he had to hold his hand for, so he stayed quiet. He observed Iwaizumi’s face as the boy concentrated on their hands, looking like he was thinking really hard about something.

Oikawa never met any medium before – he didn’t really feel the need to – so he didn’t have any idea what Iwaizumi was about to do. He supposed he should just go along with –

A sharp pain pierced his hip suddenly, but he’s been numb for so long, he had trouble properly deciphering it. It hurt for a brief moment, and he had that flashback of his nightmare, where he was standing in the bloody pool. But it was too fast gone too soon, and he was once again, back to feeling absolutely nothing.

Iwaizumi yanked his hand away, cursing under his breath. Oikawa decided to humour the situation. “So, did it work?”

“You tell me,” Iwaizumi barked back.

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “I still don’t feel anything in particular so I guess that’s a no?”

Iwaizumi however, was looking at him with a rather weird expression. He didn’t say anything, as his face suddenly twisted and he abruptly ran out of the room. Oikawa blinked, as he followed his best friend.

“Iwa-chan, you, okay?” Oikawa asked, knocking on the bathroom door.

“No, fuck off!” Iwaizumi yelled, before Oikawa heard the boy violently threw up.

It sounded pretty bad, but Oikawa didn’t have it in him to feel sympathetic. He figured that was his fault, since Iwaizumi tried looking into his bond. He heard these things can leave some side effects, and now, after seeing two people throw up because of him –

His situation was fucked, and he did not need people throwing up for him to see. But after this particular incident, Oikawa was anything but ready to make amends with Kageyama. It’s like signing his death certificate and he will not do that.

Chapter Text

Kageyama’s anger was only rising as he found out Oikawa actually made it his life mission to keep himself away. He heard it from Sugawara, who was getting updates from Iwaizumi. That fact alone – that Iwaizumi did not want to tell this Kageyama himself – made him relapse with his rage. Just because of that decision, he wanted to confront the brunette.

He had his mind set, and he did not really care if he was right or wrong. He wanted closure, and he was pretty sure Oikawa wasn’t exactly thrilled upon the way things unfolded either. Which made his reaction that more stupid and unreasonable.

But whatever, Kageyama was not the stupid one in this situation.

His timing improved greatly, because his rage was keeping him up. In a way, this side effect of him being fuelled by all the bottled-up emotions that kept gnawing at him, was doing wonders for him. His serve got better, Daichi and the coach noticed his improvement. He was thriving in a way, and everything was going rather fine.

It would be significantly better if Oikawa could notice his improvement too. If the boy was standing beside him, and not locked away somewhere, refusing to even meet up.

But whatever.

Kageyama was stubborn, and he decided he’s going to see it through. He deserved an explanation, and he wants to know how Oikawa really feels about him. He’s a tiny bit scared though, because he could never tell when Oikawa was lying. He probably couldn’t stand being rejected again. He’d die for real, and he’s only partly dramatic.

He stood in front of the door of Aoba Jouhsai’s gym, feeling his heartbeat increasing. He knew when they had afternoon practice, since he’s been to one few weeks ago. Oikawa actually let him sit in the gym and observe their game once, without fussing about it. Seeing Oikawa in action will always be one of Kageyama’s favourite things to watch.

He knew Oikawa would be doing some solo practice, and that time is practically perfect occasion for him to slip into the gym and demand answers. He’d have Oikawa cornered, but he’ll also put himself in a stuck situation. Some awkwardness is bound to linger, and he won’t have much space to hide away, if Oikawa doesn’t cooperate.

Which Kageyama is not really sure the boy will.

He took a deep breath, thinking about all the things he’ll say, and what he’ll ask. Thinking about the things he knows now, how Hinata did not help their situation, how everything was not entirely Oikawa’s fault. How he doesn’t like this radio silence, and how much he just wants the brunette to admit he does not hate him.

He pressed his eyes shut, counted to three, before he cursed Oikawa’s general existence, and opened the door.

As soon as he saw the brunette’s back, his stomach twisted, and he felt that urge to run away. No one would really blame him for it, since no one knew he was attempting this. He wanted to tell Tsukishima, but he’ll tell the blonde if this goes well.

He does not want to think in which ways this could go wrong.

He observed Oikawa in complete silence for a moment. His soul mark tingled and ached, and his heart was beating loudly. All the emotions returned abruptly: anger and disappointment, followed by sadness and that fuzzy warm thingy that makes him feel feverish. Too much, but at the same time not enough.

He thought his mere presence would be enough to alert Oikawa, but it was like the brunette did not sense him. Probably due to the wall Kageyama build.

He watched Oikawa serve another jump serve, before he could control his anger from bursting out, and he gathered enough courage to try and speak up.

“Oikawa-san,” he called out to the brunette.

The boy stumbled in his step, barely catching the ball in his hands. But he did not say anything, nor did he turn around. But Kageyama knew he was heard.

“Oikawa-san,” he repeated, daring to take few steps closer. His hands itched with some violent urge, and he had to squeeze them into tight fists. “I’ve come to talk to you.”

“Oh really?” Oikawa responded, his voice sounding weird and monotone. Kageyama noticed the difference, despite not hearing the sound for a long time. “I don’t think we’ve got anything to talk about though.”

Kageyama glared at Oikawa’s back. “Like Hell we don’t!”

He was tempted to act on his sudden violent intrusive thoughts and kick Oikawa at the back of his knees. But that would probably make the brunette angry, and he wouldn’t get anywhere.

“You still have some explaining to do! And you didn’t let me say anything last time!”

Oikawa glared at him for a second, before he turned away again. It was so fast Kageyama thought he imagined it. “I already explained what happened. And it was not me who decided to close off. I figured that was your way of saying you’re done.”

“All I said was that I need some time before talking to you,” Kageyama said, getting frustrated. “I did not mean to shut you out, because that was not my intention!”

“Really,” Oikawa said, still looking away. Kageyama hated the way the brunette refused to look at him.

Perhaps he stalled, and hesitated. But can anyone really blame him? After all, he could decide he truly won’t have anything to do with the boy, and he’d just let all of it go. He could give up.

Like Oikawa already did once.

“Yes, really,” Kageyama said through gritted teeth. “So can you please talk to me now?”

Oikawa hummed, twirling the ball in his hands. “Tell me then. What’s your conclusion?”

Kageyama took a breath. This was why he came here after all, but why was his chest suddenly feeling a bit too tight for him to properly breath? He had enough time to think about it, to take his own feelings into consideration, to think through every aspect. The pain and misery, and all the fuzzy and soft feelings he felt. His thoughts were bittersweet, but he’d say that’s nothing time can’t heal.

Or at least, he hopes that’s the case. He doesn’t know if time is of the essence here.

“I’ve thought about it,” Kageyama started. “And I still can’t find a reason good enough to why you’d do something like this. But I…”

He didn’t like it how Oikawa was still facing away from him. Like he was once again hiding away. Kageyama hesitantly tried to put his wall down. The doctor had shown him strategies of how to do it, and it hurt. It hurt so bad he had second thoughts about doing it.

But he practiced it, so he’d be able to do it now. To show Oikawa he’s serious.

“But what?” Oikawa’s voice was so monotone, lacking any warmth or malice Kageyama was used to hearing. Practically empty and void of any colour.

“Can you please look at me? I don’t want to talk to your shoulder blades,” the younger boy said dully.

Oikawa stayed quiet for a long moment. Kageyama thought he’d stay turned away, but the boy turned around eventually. Kageyama did not like the expression on his face. It was unlike any mask he’d seen the boy wear before. This one was simply empty, void of literally anything, even his brown eyes seemed like they were not actually seeing him standing in front of him.

He also couldn’t reach to the brunette past the broken wall in their link. It was like Oikawa was physically there, but out of reach at the same time. Why did that make Kageyama feel shivering terror?

“Oikawa-san, are you-“ Kageyama felt the itch to reach forward, but like Oikawa could sense it, the boy steeped back.

“Just say what you want to say,” Oikawa said. “Stalling won’t help our situation.”

Kageyama glared but refrained from commenting. If this goes well, this game Oikawa is playing will be practically irrelevant.

“After careful and painful consideration, I realised that I can’t fucking lie to myself,” Kageyama said then. “And I hate it in a way but there’s nothing I can really do about it. I am willing to… look past your actions.”

Oikawa stared at him, his face still not betraying his thoughts. “What?”

Kageyama looked to the side, squeezing his fists to suppress his anger. “I know you must think I’m an idiot, but you were right, when you said that…. That what you did, and me knowing about it wouldn’t change the way I feel about you. I know how this makes me look, but I can’t deny it for fuck’s sake.”

He felt his cheeks heating up, as his heart started beating faster. Damn it, he wanted to stay mad, he wanted to yell and scream. He wanted to punch and kick, but Oikawa’s presence made him feel so fucking flustered. Why can’t he keep his heart at check?

“I can’t and I won’t deny it, because I’m not like you,” Kageyama said then, with tone as angry as he could muster. He glared at Oikawa, who was still just fucking staring at him like a goddamn idiot. “Fuck you for that and fuck me, but I can’t help it. That’s why I’m willing to look past.”

Oikawa scrunched his nose, but it looked weird with the way his eyes still lacked any emotion. “No, I get that and why, but what the fuck do you mean by saying you’re willing to look past?”

God damn it.

Kageyama did not want to fucking say it. Never minding the way Oikawa just overlooked his confession, just like that. Sure, it was subtle but for god’s sake he should at least acknowledge it. But he just dismissed it. He wants to make the guy hurt so bad.

“I’m saying, that I’m willing to try and forgive you,” Kageyama said angrily.

Oikawa’s mouth twitched. His brows furrowed, but the expression was so fucking weird, Kageyama wasn’t sure what was going on. Was the brunette having a stroke or something? It was like he was not in control of his own face, or maybe he did not know what his reaction should-

Or maybe he’s-

“Forgive me?” Oikawa repeated. “Tobio, are you fucking listening to yourself?”

That should sound mean. But Kageyama did not have an impression, that Oikawa was trying to be malicious. His voice was so hollow. Something was definitely wrong.

“Fuck off,” Kageyama said, feeling alarmed. His heart was still beating fast, but the way Oikawa was looking at him with a face so strange was kind of unnerving. “Why are you looking at me like that? It’s- “

“No Tobio,” Oikawa’s voice was louder, but still without any trace of anger or anything really. “You’re saying you’re willing to forgive me? How does one forgive something so fucking horrible?”

Kageyama felt his eyes water. Suddenly this didn’t seem like a good idea anymore. The lack of familiarity in Oikawa’s voice was frightening, and he couldn’t even feel anything from the other boy.  He thought the brunette would accept his attempt at truce with open arms, since he made it his point, that he was trying to fix this. Wasn’t that what he was doing, by not telling him?

Wasn’t he doing it for Kageyama’s sake? For them?

He wanted to turn and run back home and scream into the fur of his plushie. What was going on?

“You almost died because of me,” Oikawa said then. “How is that something you can look past? That’s literally the worst thing one can do to another, and you’re just letting it slide?”

“No,” Kageyama said, his voice breaking. His scars hurt, as his chest tightened again. He  won’t be able to keep his tears at bay for long. “I said I’d be willing to try. Because you hurt me greatly and it still hurts."

Oikawa was looking at him like he could not comprehend the words he was hearing. Kageyama did not like this.

“Then why- “

“Because I fucking love you that’s why!” Kageyama screamed then, hot tears running down his cheeks. He didn't want it to come out like this, he did not want to cry in front of Oikawa again. He felt so pathetic, but suddenly all the pain was back, and he just couldn’t help it. “And if you were telling the truth last time, then you at least care about me! Why are you like this now all of a sudden?”

Oikawa’s face changed somewhere through Kageyama’s yelling. A pained expression flickered on the boy’s face, looking like he was actually feeling it this time. But that could be Kageyama’s wishful thinking, since he couldn’t see clearly through the blurred tears.

“And I hate it, that I’m so fucking weak because of you, but god. Can’t you at least spare me your mocking? You’ve always been looking down on me, isn’t it enough already?”

“Wait, hold the fuck up-“ Oikawa’s voice sounded strained, but Kageyama couldn’t see the brunette’s face, as he wiped his tears.

“Can’t you be honest with me for once?” Kageyama asked desperately, as he raised his head back up.

 Oikawa was looking right at him, now with a clearly pained expression on his face. His hand was pressed to his chest, and it seemed like he had trouble breathing. Kageyama didn’t notice the change, since he’s been hurting ever since he dared to put the wall down.

“You… you didn’t happen to let the wall down, did you?” Oikawa asked, with a quiet soft voice.

Kageyama felt confused. “It’s been down since I came here. Why?”

Oikawa responded with a hysteric giggle, before he suddenly tipped forward, dropping down to his knees.

Chapter Text

Everything came crashing down in a matter of seconds.

He didn’t feel anything, even as Kageyama spoke up. He thought that would trigger something, literally fucking anything but he just did not feel jack shit! He kept his back turned to the younger because if Kageyama approached him so suddenly, that meant he wasn’t aware of… what Oikawa’s situation was.

He couldn’t even set his face right.

He warned Iwaizumi about this. That he can’t be left alone with Kageyama because he doesn’t want the younger to know how fucked he is. Especially if the younger doesn’t have the same…symptoms.

With his numbness, there was also the case of him coughing up blood. His scars stopped bleeding, but now he was occasionally coughing up the red liquid. His nightmares kept repeating, and the boy in his dreams was saying harsher and harsher words with each day.

Sometimes the horror of it stayed with him through the day as a shiver down his spine whenever he thought he saw his reflection’s face twist.

As he came home from the doctor check-up, he couldn’t even greet his mother, because his mouth was already full of blood. He threw up so much blood he even fainted for a moment and awoke to his mother’s concerned eyes. It was probably quite alarming for the woman to see his supposedly healthy son suddenly throw up blood so violently.

He couldn’t keep lying to the woman, and he didn’t want to. It wasn’t really his intention, but after everything that happened – He let the words spill out of his mouth, just like the blood he coughed up earlier. The woman cried, as she hugged him close, and Oikawa should feel horrible. But he felt absolutely nothing, as his mother hugged him tightly.

He didn’t even want to think what she felt, when she looked at her son’s eyes, seeing there was a spark missing.

Even psychical strain on his overworked muscles could not replace the lack of emotions. Iwaizumi told him he’d been scaring the younger members of their volleyball team, but what the fuck was he supposed to do?

Nothing helped, there was no pills that could make him feel anything but this never-ending void. There was nothing that could fucking fix this situation, and really, he thought he had come to terms with it.

But this little shit just had to come forward, talking about forgiveness. And Oikawa had a hunch before, that the younger won’t just let him be. He thought he’d have more time.

And what nonsense, the kid came yelling. How he forgives him for the things he did, and honestly Oikawa was actually working to reach this point. To have Kageyama forgive him and forget, but he himself knew, somewhere deep, that his actions are anything but forgivable.

Hearing those words from Kageyama made his stomach twist with something awfully bitter.

“You almost died because of me,” Oikawa said, forcing his face into the angry face he practiced in the mirror. He’s saying something awful, so his face should also play the part.

“How is that something you can look past? That’s literally the worst thing one can do to another, and you’re just letting it slide?”

But then Kageyama’s eyes glistened with tears, and it was obvious in the boy’s expression that the boy was aware something was wrong with Oikawa. There was this desperation vivid in the boy’s voice, in his wet blue eyes.

But Oikawa couldn’t make himself feel sorry. His own words sounded dry and empty, like he was repeating something someone else already said. His tongue felt heavy, but then, as Kageyama said something he really fucking shouldn’t a sharp pain pierced through Oikawa’s chest. It was small and barely noticeable, but it was there.

The pain he should be feeling all this time, and yet he didn’t. Kageyama was openly crying now, still screaming at the brunette but Oikawa could not comprehend the words. He was too focused to grasp the pain that suddenly clenched around his heart.

He said he didn’t want it, and that he was perfectly fine without it. He said he doesn’t want to remember how it feels, but as soon as the forsaken sentence rolled off Kageyama’s tongue, echoing loudly in the empty gym, it suddenly hit him.

It crashed over him, all that he’s been missing for the past days. His blood boiled up to the surface, dampening the bandages on his hip. He felt the overwhelming sense of pure joy that tipped into the grieving sadness. The bitter disappointment and the anger.

That old burning anger, fuelled by his own selfish pride and resentment. It was all too much for him to handle, as it all morphed into that agonizing pain, that started to scratch at him from the inside.

The void was suddenly filled abruptly. Kageyama’s pain was an additional wave, that made it hard for him to breathe.

“Wait, hold the fuck up- “Oikawa breathed, pressing a hand to his suddenly rapidly beating heart.

“Can’t you be honest with me for once?” Kageyama asked, but his voice was muffled.

Oikawa looked at the boy, feeling a sense of dread, as the realization of what happened hit him like a fucking brick.

“You… you didn’t happen to let the wall down, did you?” Oikawa asked, with a quiet voice. Why did suddenly hurt to speak?

Kageyama’s answer felt like it made his ears bleed. “It’s been down since I came here. Why?”

Hysterical giggle escaped his lips, as the pain that has been building up washed over him with another wave, and he couldn’t keep himself standing anymore. He fell forward, his hand pressed to his chest, despite it not doing anything much. He felt lightheaded and feverish, he felt like there were ants crawling across his skin, as his vision blurred for a second.

This was not good.

“Fuck, no, why,” he huffed, blinking rapidly.  Headache was forming at his temples, but that pain was minor to the ache in his chest and hip. “Tobio, you- “

Kageyama was already kneeling in front of him, and the brunette could tell he was frightened. He could feel it.

He thought the feeling of Kageyama’s presence will soothe and ease his pain, but why did the realisation of Kageyama’s string hurt more? Weeks ago, Kageyama’s mere touch would be enough to stop this feverish ache.

What the fuck changed?

“Oikawa-san, what is going on?” Kageyama’s panicked voice reached his ears.

Oikawa kept his eyes focused down, on his knees. There was a thick trail of blood making its way down his thigh. It was happening again. He felt a dread of horrid fear shake his core, as his chest tightened.

His heart felt like it was being ignited.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine,” he mumbled to himself over and over. His chest felt tighter with each intake of breath, and the blood kept running. It was all too much, but why, why was he strangely feeling a bit happy?

There was a spark of some vibrant happiness, like a needle among the pile of despair and pain. That was probably that last part, the least piece of the soulmate bond, that Oikawa wished to preserve. The last, undamaged part that kept them tied, despite the whole string of breaking.

“Oikawa-san it’s bleeding, why… why do you hurt?” Kageyama’s voice sounded disoriented, thick with pain.

Ah, damn it. How much Oikawa regrets beings so fucking stupid. How much he wished there was a way for him to undo what he’d done. How he wished, he didn’t do something so vicious.

The pain in Kageyama’s voice sounded so fucking wrong. He was just a kid, and Oikawa probably crushed him forever. He was always so cold and distant, always so arrogant and dismissive. He was at fault for Kageyama’s blue eyes slowly turning a shade darker.

How he wished, Kageyama’s soulmate was someone else. Someone who wouldn’t break him so easily, so mindlessly like himself. It wasn’t Oikawa, who was too good to be in this pair.

No, it was Kageyama, that sweet simple boy with too soft heart, that was too good for Oikawa. What a fool he was, for not seeing this before.

“It’s okay,” Oikawa said then, looking up at Kageyama’s face. How he hated the fact he was the one who made the boy cry like that.

Kageyama was so simple to understand. Oikawa knew that much, and that’s why he thought he could easily get away. The boy had few things on his mind, and volleyball was the major occupant of it. And the brunette knew, he had a place as well. Kageyama’s words confirmed just how much space he was willing to give him.

And Oikawa was too blind to fucking see. Well, he was not blind. He was stubbornly looking the other way.

He raised his hand slowly, laying it against Kageyama’s wet cheek. He felt like he was literally burning from the inside. It hurt so fucking much, and the worst thing about it, was that Kageyama could feel everything. He can’t fucking handle this anymore.

“Tobio,” he whispered the boy’s name, raising his other hand to gently hold the boy’s face in his trembling hands. God, why was he shaking so much? “Tobio, Tobio.”

He had so much he wanted to say but his lips ached in a different way. He could clearly see Kageyama’s face now, his glimmering blue eyes, the forgotten tear slowly making its way down the boy’s cheek.

He looked so pretty, but Oikawa hated it. Kageyama shouldn’t be crying like this, looking at him with those pain filled eyes.

“Tobio,” he repeated, as his thumb swept across the younger’s lower lip.

Ah. He doesn’t even need to say anything to make Kageyama understand, does he?

“Oikawa-san?” Kageyama’s voice sounded so vulnerable.

He looked like he knew exactly what Oikawa was thinking. Perhaps he could sense even that darkness that was looming over Oikawa, threatening to overcome the brunette’s senses.

Oikawa’s heart felt heavy, as it skipped a beat, before beating violently. It hurt so bad, and Oikawa had that dreadful thought, that he was running out of time.

“Tobio,” he said softly, as he leaned closer. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

With those words he leaned in, pressing his aching lips to Kageyama’s in a soft, gentle pressure. He forgot about his pain for a moment, as he focused on the feeling of Kageyama’s soft lips against his.

He didn’t want it to be rushed, but there was this pressure in his chest, that this might just be the very first and last time he gets to kiss Kageyama like this.

The younger boy didn’t need long to respond, as he wrapped his arms around Oikawa’s waist as the brunette brushed his fingers through the younger’s hair. Oikawa felt his heart bleed, as he tried his best to convey all his aching feelings into that one kiss.

The time seemed to still for a moment, as Oikawa pressed himself closer to the younger, kissing him with that flaring rush. It was not enough to quench the burning pain in Oikawa’s chest, or to ease the ache in his hip, so he dared to take just a step further.

He felt his arms slowly numbing, but he kept his mouth on Kageyama’s, deepening the kiss with that burning passion. He felt Kageyama’s arms tightening around his waist, as the brunette pushed down on him, keeping his arms around the boy’s neck, his fingers threading through his hair.

He opened his mouth, indulging the sweet taste of the younger’s lips. He didn’t mean to kiss the boy so hungrily, but he just anted the younger to understand. That his heart is literally being torn open for him, that his name carved into his skin is burning because of him.

He just wanted to return the words the younger said to him, but he was too scared to actually say them. He wasn’t sure if he could get his tongue to words for those three words, so he settled on making sure Kageyama could remember the taste of his bruising kiss.

They parted after a moment, when Oikawa felt the bitter taste of blood his mouth. Kageyama’s blushed face and red lips was a sight for Oikawa’s sore eyes. Kageyama could feel his pain and a panicked expression painted on his face, as his hold on Oikawa tightened.

His fingers grabbed a handful of Oikawa’s damp shirt, as he pulled the older boy closer. “Wait, no Oikawa-san don’t- “

But Oikawa didn’t have any control over his own body anymore. He grabbed Kageyama’s face again, forcing a smile on his own. He felt tears roll over his cheeks, as he smiled softly at the younger.

It fucking hurt, but he gave the younger one of his most sincere, most heartfelt smiles he could muster in that painful moment.

The blood was filling his mouth, but he didn’t mind it. He kept looking at Kageyama’s face, imprinting his expression in his mind, as he whispered, his voice just barely above a silent whisper: "I love you Tobio.”

Kageyama’s eyes widened, and Oikawa hated the disbelief on the younger’s face. But there wasn’t anything he could do about, as his hands cramped, and his eyes rolled backwards, when the ominous darkness pulled him under, drowning him in his pained sorrows.

Chapter Text

Oikawa gasped as he fell forward, suddenly losing his sense of gravity. But something wasn’t right, and he came to that realisation as soon as he opened his eyes. He was back in that endless bloody void again. Back in that pool of blood, where his nightmare started. He felt his blood stick to his knees, and he was still bleeding from his soul mark. That fiery rage was still present, along with that grief and regret. He could feel everything again, but what happened?

“Hey,” his voice was hoarse, and his throat felt like it was scrubbed raw. There was the metallic aftertaste of blood filling his mouth.

Wasn’t he with Tobio? Did he lose his consciousness? He couldn’t see anything but that pitch black darkness, and the void brought along that cold feeling of dread. Something went wrong.

“Good job,” his own voice echoed inside of his head. It seemed heavy, and his body swayed in response. Why did he feel so out of place?

He blinked rapidly, wiping his bloody mouth before he slowly looked up. His replica was looking at him with a blank face. There was clear irritated disappointment in his brown eyes, and Oikawa felt like punching that expression of the boy’s face.

The brunette stepped closer to him, his brows furrowing. “Really, you should just do what I told you. And now, look where your stubbornness got us?”

“Huh?”

Oikawa’s duplicate looked at him like he’s one of the most stupid people to ever exist. His eyes looked so viciously dark and gruesome. “Nice going bastard. You fucking killed us.”

That sentence made Oikawa’s heart stop, hiss blood turning cold. That cold void made sense suddenly. He wasn’t in pain anymore, and he didn’t feel that crippling fear shivering his body. He felt… fine. Which he shouldn’t because just a moment before, he felt pain so great, he thought like he might just die-

“No, that’s- “he shook his head. “That’s not what happened because I…I apologised that’s not what is supposed to happen- “

“Wow, you think that just a simple word will make everything magically better?” was the sinister reply from his own shadow. Oikawa felt cold fingers grab his jaw, tilting his head up. The eyes of the person he was supposed to be familiar with looked so dark and void, like they were lifeless. “What did I tell you? To fucking leave before it kills us! And yet, you didn’t listen!”

“That wasn’t my intention- “Oikawa tried to say but the blood was filling his mouth, making him gargle.

His replica looked down at him with disgusted expression of pity. “Of course it wasn’t. But look at this.”

He tilted Oikawa’s face sideways, and the brunette squinted in the darkness. He didn’t know if he was supposed to see anything, because there was just this endless pitch blackness. Before suddenly, the heavy fog seemed to disperse, and he could vividly see the gym of Aoba Jouhsai. The volleyball net was still set up, there were volleyballs laying around on the floor. Lights were reflecting from the gym floor, and Oikawa lost a sense of orientation for a moment.

He then saw, what he was supposed to see. His eyes widened a friction from the terror he suddenly felt as he saw the scene before him. Kageyama was kneeling on the floor, holding someone in his arms. There was blood colouring his thighs, smudged across his knees, dripping on the floor. The boy was crying furiously, holding onto the body in his arms like a lifeline.

Oikawa saw him scream, but he couldn’t hear the sound. He didn’t need long to understand what was happening. The lifeless body in Kageyama’s arms was his own. The terror of it was paralysing him, the scene before him so horribly gruesome, but he couldn’t get himself to look away either.

Was… that actually happening? Did he actually just fucking die, his head dropping on Kageyama’s shaky shoulder right after he said those vicious words that felt like they burned his tongue? Was that it?

“No, no, wait a second,” Oikawa mumbled, pushing himself up. He felt disgusting, because of all the blood in his mouth. “I didn’t- That’s not actually real, is it?”

“It pretty much fucking is,” the void replied to him. “Surprised? These are the consequences of your own actions. Didn’t you see It happening?”

He felt so uselessly horrible, as he watched Kageyama cry, hugging Oikawa’s unmoving body tightly like it might disappear if he let go. Oikawa’s fingers clenched, as his brown eyes filled with stinging tears. This wasn’t how it’s supposed to go. This was nothing but a dream, right? He had these nightmares before surely this is not real.

Surely Kageyama can feel his heartbeat. Surely that boy is not hugging a corpse. That would be too cruel, and Oikawa already hurt the boy enough. Dying in front of him, was definitely the worst possible thing he could do.

Then someone else came running and Oikawa exhaled, his eyesight getting blurry. Iwaizumi was beside the screaming crying child, in an instant, along with his other club members. He was talking to Kageyama, who was still crying, tears running down his red cheeks. Iwaizumi was frowning, looking like he was angry, but Oikawa knew that expression.

He turned away, feeling the urge to scream until his throat would bleed. His hands came up to his face, as the tears started falling and he didn’t really have it in him to stop them. It doesn’t even matter if he lets himself cry now, because there’s no one here that could judge him now. He’s alone in this black darkness, with blood reaching up to his knees. He was alone, with no one to hear him screaming, and that’s-

Probably something he can’t really blame or anyone else but truly himself. He thought this was nothing, but a space created from fibre of his imagination, some tucked away corner of his mind where he’s still that jerk he was when he was 16. Where he didn’t change, and Kageyama was just a kid he had to trample so he could reach up higher to claim the crown.

He was grateful he couldn’t hear Kageyama’s screams. That’s only something that would make him feel worse about himself and he really doesn’t-

He couldn’t keep it in himself anymore, and he screamed. He shrieked in agony, as much as he could with his aching throat. Blood spilled from his lips as he wailed like a wounded animal in a rageful fit. He covered his eyes with his hands, as he fell to his knees, the blood spluttering across his arms.

He tried to prevent this from happening. This was the outcome he feared the most, this was the ending he didn’t fucking want. He was supposed to be the best, the number one, and yet. He is now trapped here, with his heartbeat so slow, and tears filling up his eyes, feeling like he might be blinded by the stinging drops. He tried to prevent this, and no one can tell him otherwise, because they don’t fucking know the pain he’s feeling.

He put himself through so much, only to find out the pain was not supposed to be there at all. He ruined something that was supposed to be nice, and pretty, and not only for himself. The trauma he caused to the boy who never really wanted him any harm. That was already bad enough of a premise, and now this-

This is even more irreversible than his first intentioned action. This was not planned, but it did happen because he was so stupidly careless.

Another scream ripped its way out of his throat with another wave of hot tears. His fingers clenched in tight fists against his eyes.

“-san! Oikawa-san wake up!” a familiar voice reached his ears, and Oikawa’s body froze.

“Please, don’t do this to me! Wake up!” Kageyama’s pleading screams echoed through the bloody void. “Oikawa-san!”

The brunette didn’t dare to move around or open his eyes. He kept his fists against his face, trying and pretty much failing to pretend this was not his reality. That Kageyama was not screaming his name in pain, that he himself is not crying at the realisation he’s on the verge of dying. That he’s just trapped in this horrible nightmare, and this is nothing but just that.

A terror that will pass. His worst fear coming to life as a reminder of what might happen if he didn’t do anything. If he didn’t attempt to fix the broken parts. What would happen if his cold heart stayed hard and stoned if he didn’t let himself feel.

But then Iwaizumi’s voice joined, in and Oikawa couldn’t stand it. This was just too much for him. He couldn’t go back; he couldn’t force himself to wake up in the body Kageyama is holding. He can’t do anything because he lost once more, and this time he lost so badly he couldn’t even get on the podium.

His shadow reached for him, forcing him to look behind. His body was on the gym floor, Matsukawa trying to get his heart to beat again. There was so much blood everywhere, his white jersey was dripping from all the red. Kageyama was shrieking in Iwaizumi’s hold, as Oikawa’s best friend tried to calm the boy down. The sound was vivid, like Oikawa was right there in the room.

He suddenly realised; he couldn’t feel his own heartbeat. He thought he heard the slow drum in his ears, but now, as Kageyama’s screams echoed in this void, he couldn’t feel his heart beating. In fact, he didn’t feel-

Kageyama looked right at him the next second. The boy stilled for a moment, brief terrifying second, in which Oikawa stared at his teary eyes. His face crumpled right after they locked eyes for that horrifying second, his lips mouthing the brunette’s name before his body went limp in Iwaizumi’s hold.

Oikawa just couldn’t handle it anymore, and he screamed again. Was this, how he’s going to end? So pathetically?

He stared at his own body for few seconds, not really thinking about how wrong it looked. His face looked peaceful, not a trace of pain or anything, and Oikawa had that urge to kick himself awake. Because this just wasn’t fair. But his hands were redder than before, and something grabbed his ankle.

Terror filled him, as he reached forward to the bright vision, trying to escape the grasp of the monster beneath the pool of blood. But his body was not listening, his mind was suddenly empty, and he couldn’t really pull himself away, as the tide pulled him beneath the surface.

-

Kageyama could feel it. It was like the string snapped, like the dam was breached and all the pain waved over him. But he couldn’t understand because Oikawa was looking at him one moment, an actual smile on his face. He knew something was wrong, because Oikawa was crying as he held him close, and that guy would never let Kageyama see him cry like this.

He had a hunch when the brunette couldn’t feel anything when Oikawa was doing those weird faces. Like he couldn’t properly feel, and Kageyama got scared. He was so fucking scared, when Oikawa just dropped to his knees, heaving for breath. He was frightened, as he suddenly felt everything, but nothing at the same time. The joy, the fear, the pain, the agony, the happiness-

It was too much of everything and all of a sudden, with no warning. But Oikawa said he was fine, and Kageyama knew he wasn’t and then he grabbed his face suddenly and told him he was sorry and then-.

And then he kissed him. He kissed him like Kageyama imagined it once. It was just like he thought it’d be, and it was… nice. It felt right and good, and the boy hugged the brunette close, just like he hugged his panda at home. He felt so happy in that moment, because it was the real thing that was enveloped in his arms, and not just the gift left behind.

It was real, and Oikawa was fine, until he looked at him with such horrible sad eyes. Until he gave him that smile, as he said those three words Kageyama wanted him to say. And then Kageyama felt the thread snapping.

It tugged on his aching heart, opening up his wounds. He couldn’t do anything as Oikawa’s head dropped on his shoulder, and his arms fell. The boy sat there for a moment, feeling that hole in his heart, as Oikawa didn’t fucking move.

“H-hey,” Kageyama felt his eyes water. He tightened his hold on the brunette in his arms. “Oikawa-san?”

But the boy didn’t budge. His head stayed on the younger’s shoulder. Kageyama felt the blood dripping on his leg. He grabbed a handful of Oikawa’s shirt, as his heart picked up a beat in that fear filling him up. Where there was joy and happiness before, there was only this hollow sense of dread.

He thought he sensed Oikawa earlier, before the boy suddenly dropped limp into his lap. It was a spark, and it was painful, but Kageyama was familiar with the sting of it. The pain was good because it brought that special fuzzy feeling along, and a sense of comfort. But the spark wasn’t ignited, and it died too fast.

“Oikawa-san wake up!” he yelled, his voice shaking.

Kageyama didn’t want to believe what his common sense was telling him.  He felt too much of his own fear and that was all. He was just overwhelmed because he got scared. He got scared because he thought-

He screamed then, as he realised Oikawa was still not moving. Tears were flowing down his cheeks, as his heart felt like it was going to burst. He felt so useless because he couldn’t do anything and he couldn’t feel anything, and why was Oikawa just lying there? Why didn’t the brunette move, and why does he feel so…so-

“Please don’t do this to me! Wake up!” he screamed, shaking the brunette in his hands. But Oikawa wouldn’t budge, and his arms fell idly to his side. “Oikawa-san!”

Someone was beside him then, and he didn’t need long to recognize it was Iwaizumi and few of the Aoba Jouhsai volleyball club members. Iwaizumi held him from behind as someone took Oikawa from him. He noticed the way his shirt was red, and how limp his body was. The way he just lay there, with his eyes closed and bleeding side.

When they were at the hospital, he awoke later than the brunette, so he wasn’t that scared back then. Because Oikawa was already up, ready to pick a fight. He was fine and awake back then, but he’s not now and he can’t do anything-

He could just cry, as Iwaizumi hugged him probably feeling as horrible as he himself. He thought his wailing was excessive, but what else could he do to get that pain out?

He didn’t understand what was going on. He felt that immense amount of pain, as his vision blurred from his tears. This wasn’t his intention! He wanted to make Oikawa see he’s willing to try to get through this gap they created. He came here to make amends not to… not to…break everything again?

Someone called an ambulance, but one of the boys that came running back in the gym was doing chest compressions to Oikawa. Logically meaning the brunette’s heart stopped beating and-

He didn’t even realise he had so much blood on his hands as he blinked through his tears. “Please don’t…”

He reached forward to grab the brunette’s hand. It still felt warm in his bloody hand. He held it in a firm grip, when he felt a gust of strange shiver shake his core. He looked up, from the unmoving brunette, blinking rapidly through his teary eyes. His heart stopped for a frail second, as he saw something behind Matsukawa’s back.

It could be just his imagination, or perhaps he fell in a shock from this emotional strain. But in a split second, he thought he saw Oikawa kneeling beside them. His figure was blurry and not clear enough, but Kageyama felt that twinge of electricity as he recognized the pair of brown eyes.

But then he looked at the body, the hand in his own. His mind came to a terrifying conclusion, as his heart clenched in a painful cramp. It was all too much, and he just couldn’t handle it anymore. The brunette’s name slipped from his lips, as his heart started beating slower and the last thing, he was aware of, was Oikawa’s hand in his own, before he slipped into oblivion.  

Chapter Text

Kageyama surged awake, his heart beating heavily. He woke up in that horrible nightmare again, sitting in that pool of blood. The horror of it wasn’t as bone-chilling as the first time it happened, and the familiarity of it was strange. He never specifically recalled any of these dreams, but each was worse than the last one.

It was always just him in that big endless space, and a figure terribly similar to his own. There was one time, where he sensed someone else was there, but as he looked around, he couldn’t really see anyone through the thick fog. Pain was his constant companion through these visions, and once he grew familiar with the sting of it, he gathered enough courage to look around.

He learned the space was not limitless, and that there was a barrier surrounding him. It was invisible to his eyes, but he could lay his palm against it. He never tried getting through it, because he surged awake before he could push against it. Electric like shiver trembled down his spine, and he was lying awake.

This time, however, he couldn’t move.

He was in the gym one moment, and this dark space the next. He just sat there, feeling hollow with his heart throbbing in his chest. His breathing was rapid, too fast for his slow aching heart to catch up with. He was hyperventilating, because that was not supposed to happen.

It was supposed to be okay, but now he’s here, and he doesn’t know what to do.

His replica didn’t show himself this time, and he sat there, staring at the dark liquid surface for who knows how long. His ability to perceive time was probably long gone. He just felt like something was really gone this time. A gaping hole on the wall was too big this time. Like the thing that wanted to break through got past the wall and left this gaping hole behind.

Or maybe something escaped through, and not barge in.

He spent some time staring at the hand in which he held Oikawa’s. He couldn’t remember if he felt the heartbeat against his thumb. The memory was blurry, but his hand was warm. It was clean from the blood that stained it. He didn’t try to make any specific sense of it, because it didn’t really matter to him. It didn’t matter because in the end, he’s here alone.

He’s alone, trapped in this pitch darkness and he doesn’t know how to get out. Or if he even can, or if he should-

He cried and screamed as well. He went through all the stages: screaming from rage and anger, to wailing in grief and shrieks of heartbreak. It wasn’t fair, because he only hoped he could make things right.

He only wished to turn things around, but he remembered Oikawa collapsed after he sensed Kageyama’s wall was down. Does that mean it’s his fault? Did Kageyama cause this? But he couldn’t have, he literally came forward first! He shouldn’t be the done doing the apologising, and yet it seemed like he was the one who said sorry. And yet, it was not even his fault!

His fist clenched as he felt that fire of anger burning up again, but it evaporated as soon as he grasped the feeling. It was like that gaping hole on the wall beside him was sucking up everything he felt, leaving him empty and hollow. Every now and then, he’d feel that violent pull, that would leave him breathless, scorching agony before he’d feel empty again.

It was foreign feeling, and he didn’t like it. He just wanted to wake up, but he couldn’t find the strength to do so. He was like a motionless doll, just sitting in that pool, staring at his reflection. Oikawa’s still body circled in his mind, and he wondered, if he was also stuck in one of these weird dreams.

He never mentioned this to the brunette, but once he felt like the boy might know what he was talking about if he hinted at it. Since these soul connections are already a strange phenomenon, something like this wouldn’t even be weird. But something was tying his tongue when he thought of bringing it up and he stayed quiet.

Would it make a difference, if he asked Oikawa about the dreams?

He decided to do some more thorough research after his last doctor check-up. He found a lot of things, and one of them was something called ‘Phenomena of a Sharing Domain.’ It sounded ridiculous and the description of it was even more ridiculous. Apparently, one of many strange aspects of a shared bond goes further into the shared link of mind. Two individuals can be connected on a level that goes deeper than just their consciousness.

It wasn’t that frequent, that soulmates would have a link rooted deep within their subconsciousness’s, but it was possible. No explanation of how one can try and establish such connection, and Kageyama wasn’t interested so he went reading on.

But he remembered something, that there could be a space withing their minds, reserved just for their bond, and for the two souls. Supposedly, it reflects the state of their bond.

Kageyama prayed to God that this pool of blood was not it. He didn’t know what it truly was, and he didn’t really want to. He just wanted out of this place, he wanted to be awake, he wanted to be fine. He wanted to feel Oikawa’s hand in his, the brunette’s body against his own. He just wanted Oikawa to be fine.

He wanted Oikawa to be alive.

Something tugged on the back of his shirt, and he didn’t have strength within him to pull away from the yank. He let himself be pulled backwards, not really caring if he’ll choke from all the blood surrounding him, as he let the darkness fill his aching heart.

-

The steady beeping of a machinery was the first thing his ears caught on. It was annoying and high pitched, and he thought of punching the thing that was beeping right at him. Then there were the voices, some familiar and some completely unknown. Words were being said, the people were having a conversation, but Kageyama’s eyes stayed closed, and the words were muffled.

His hip hurt and his heart was cramped. He felt heavy as he was laying on something soft. Among the sounds, he could hear a slow drip, shuffling of clothing. He tried moving, his eyes fluttered but he couldn’t open his eyes. His fingers barely trembled. It was like he wasn’t in complete control of his own body.

He could still remember the feeling of the lukewarm blood on his thighs and elbows. It was like he wasn’t fully out of that nightmare. The voices didn’t belong in his scary dream, so he supposed he should be awake.

“- no other way. It had to be done, since there was a high risk-“a male voice reached Kageyama’s ears. He could barely make out the words, it still seemed like he had cotton stuffed in his ears.

“-why you should ask for permission! He is a minor-“ a female voice that was strangely familiar screeched. It had a sad tone to it, or perhaps that was anger. Whatever it was, Kageyama couldn’t say.

“- at risk, ma’am,” another voice joined in. Kageyama’s eyebrows twitched. “We couldn’t wait for permission. He could be de-”.

The words were getting muffled by the second, and the feeling of blood was stronger. The boy could feel it in his mouth. The beeping of the machinery was lost in the background.

“-does not justify! You job is to keep them alive, not- “

“And that’s what we did!” the man got mad. “It was obvious that it was in the way so- “

“And him?” the woman said. Her voice was loud, and a faceless figure of a woman flashed across Kageyama’s eyes. Why couldn’t he remember whom the voice belonged to? “He was already through it, why- “

“Both of them had to- …“ some of the words were blocked out by the sound of the slow drip of some thick liquid.

Kageyama was slowly losing the grasp of the conversation, as he felt a twinge of scorching pain surge through his body.

“-my decision. It was not up to-. fast reaction- “

“-if! You wouldn’t that for you-“the woman’s voice was louder, but then the sentence echoed through Kageyama’s ears, so he couldn’t truly grasp the meaning of it.

“- subjective opinion- “

“- not care, that was not what the first aid- “

“Calm down ma’am nothing’s for- “

“- sake... How do you…. wa? Not to mention Tob- “

Kageyama couldn’t force himself to listen to the conversation with his undivided attention. Something was tugging at him from the other side again, and his mind was still somewhat weak. He couldn’t get himself to try and make sense of situation. The machinery beep was probably the monitors in the hospital. The slow drip was probably the IV.

He was probably laying in the hospital, meaning he’s alive. He’s probably going to be okay, but the bits of conversation he eavesdropped to made him feel a bit scared. What were they really talking about? Was there procedure needed? What kind? And who, was he in the ER?

So much thinking was too much for him, and the beeping picked up the frequency, before the sounds dispersed completely and he was back in that room again.

He was standing this time, looking right at the hole. It looked like it was a flesh wound, still dripping the blood. Was this what brought all this liquid in here?

He didn’t know what the trigger to get in this space was yet. Perhaps it had some connections to the pain he felt. Whatever, he didn’t understand how this hole thing worked anyway.

He reached out to the gape. An electric shockwave shook his fingers and he pulled away. Was he not supposed to touch that?

A sudden scream echoed through the dark space, reaching his ears with that high intensity. The sound surged through him like another shockwave and his body swayed forward. He couldn’t catch himself because there was no steady ground beneath the surface. He didn’t have enough time to panic, as the darkness consumed him too fast.

-

The next time he came to regain a part of his consciousness he found himself somewhere in the middle. He could feel the mattress beneath his back, the IV dripping into his vein, but there was the stench of blood filling his nose. The cold horror was present vividly in the back of his mind. He couldn’t move, but the sounds were loud.

Someone was in the room with him. He couldn’t tell in which space the person was present in, but he could feel it. He wasn’t alone, and that thought brought a sense of comfort to him.

Silence dragged on, there was no people speaking, and no one was yelling. Just this empty silence. It was uncomfortable and Kageyama didn’t like the way he felt like he was trapped. He heard shuffling beside him, someone touched his hand.

Then, he heard whispers. After who knows how much time. The sound was so soft he almost missed it. He couldn’t recognize the words, but he wanted to respond. He wanted to blink and open his eyes, to tell the person he’s awake. But his eyes stayed closed, his hand lay still. His hip was aching, and his mind suddenly started buzzing, and whatever the person wanted to tell him was lost in the white noise.

-

He was pretty sure he was alive.

Kageyama could clearly tell he was in hospital, he was obviously thinking, so that surely meant he’s alive. He’s fine, and he will wake up once he figures out how to escape that gloomy room. He’s been to it frequently, probably for few days in a row. Time was a lost concept to him, so he didn’t really care.

The barrier won’t let him move past, and the hole in the wall was smaller each day. He noticed that after a while, as it seemed like it was patching itself up. He once thought it was actually getting larger every time he looked at it. It was dripping into the blood flow enveloping his legs. He didn’t know what the hell to do about it, so he just stared at it, like a lunatic.

No one would know anyway.

He was also looking for his other self, but he didn’t see him anywhere. He tried calling out to him, but the replica never showed his face. Perhaps it was gone from this creepy realm, or maybe he imagined the whole thing from the start. That probably wasn’t the case, but hey-

Kageyama doesn’t know what to fucking think and if he should even trust his own thought in the moment.

He just wanted to revert time, back to the second before he opened the gym door. He would turn the other way, and he’d give Oikawa a call first. He would explain the situation to Iwaizumi first, borrowing the boy’s phone to call his stupid soulmate and warned him first.

He’d say what he said over the phone, without breaching the wall. He’d tell him he thought about it, and that he doesn’t want to just pretend nothing happened.

That he doesn’t want them to end up like this.

He’s not really sure that would solve this, but he felt like he was at faut this time. The wall was built from the precaution, to prevent more damage. And yet-

“Tobio?”

Kageyama’s head snapped up, as he heard his name. It was like a whisper, but it echoed loud in his ears. It sounded familiar as well was that-

“Tobio? Is that you?” the voice said again. It was male and it was familiar, it was so close even, like the person whom the voice belonged to was right behind him.

He turned abruptly, but here was nothing but the darkness. “Oikawa-san?” he screamed into the void as loud as his aching chest let him.

There was no reply, but Kageyama picked himself up, looking around himself frantically. “Oikawa-san!”

“Where- “ the familiar voice said, bouncing from the walls.

“Oikawa-san! I am right here!” he screamed; desperation obvious in the waver of his voice. He didn’t know from which direction the voice was coming, but he just wanted to see the brunette’s face.

He started running into the direction where the last echo was heard, his heart beating too fast. The liquid was splashing around, and he noticed the surface was rising abruptly.

“Oikawa-san- “

“Tobio! You- “the voice was now significantly louder and clearer.

“-him! The heart beat is dropping- “another voice cut through into his nightmare. It brought a sense of earthquake along and Kageyama stumbled forward, almost falling to his knees.

“Charge at – “

“Wait no- “Oikawa’s voice ringed in Kageyama’s ears. His own heartbeat echoed louder in his ears as he kept running.

“Oikawa-san!” he cried then, because he sensed something was up ahead. Or was that someone and he should just reach forward-

“-gain! We’re losing him- “

“To- “

Kageyama ran faster, but then he saw something glimmering in front of him. He collided against the invisible mass before him, as the pitch-dark room suddenly cleared. A stray of light cleared up the bloody lake.

That sense of familiar comfort he felt was gone in an instant as he suddenly surged awake. His chest was feeling tight as he gasped for breath, pulling himself up. There were hands on his shoulders, someone was talking to him, but all he could hear for a solid minute was that annoying beeping in his ears, corresponding to his wildly beating heart. It hurt, and he blinked rapidly, trying to breathe steadily.

“Kageyama breathe slowly,” someone said to him, laying a hand on his chest. “In and out, it’s okay.”

A person offered him his hand and Kageyama held it tightly, as he forced himself to breathe slowly. He could still see red, even though he was awake. He could see he was sitting on the hospital bed, there was medical staff standing beside him. They were telling him something but, Kageyama didn’t hear a word. Oikawa’s voice ringer in his head, a hollow echo.

“Where- “he tried to speak, but his voice was hoarse. His cough was wet as he tried to clear his throat. “Where is- “

“Worry about yourself first boy,” a male doctor said to him, looking down at him sternly. “Are you in pain?”

He nodded, but he had to know where Oikawa was. Was the brunette, okay? Surely, his heart is beating just like his own, and they’re both fine, right? “What about- “

“Do you know where you are?” the doctor said, as a female nurse snapped her fingers in front of his face. He never saw that man before.

“Yes! Now tell me where Oikawa-san is!” Kageyama shrieked, suddenly feeling violent.

He kicked his legs, as he tugged on his arm, but the nurse was holding him tightly. At his sudden move, he felt his side hurt. The pain was so great he groaned audibly, doubling over, but that only made it worse.

The nurse pushed him on the bed, looking at him with a pained smile. “Don’t strain yourself Kageyama. Your wounds have yet to be healed.”

Kageyama didn’t know what the fuck that meant. The doctor was saying something, but he wouldn’t listen. He tried to feel that other part, but he couldn’t even feel the string of his own mind. He felt like his head was empty, his mind cleansed from all of his thoughts. Something hurt, something ached and he didn’t know what.

The nurse looked at him with a sad smile, and Kageyama refused to think why the woman would be sad on his behalf. He was forced to take some bitter medicine, as they checked his IV and heart monitor. They left his questions unanswered, and his eyes were slowly dropping, when the nurse said something, he didn’t register.

Oikawa’s sad smile seemed like a blurred memory, as he fell asleep with a painful heart.

-

Oikawa felt fucking empty. Drained from literally everything as he lay there on his back, looking up at the pitch darkness. His scars were open, and the blood was flowing freely. He tried to stop it once before, but no matter what he did, the blood didn’t stop, so he gave up on trying to stop the flow. So, he resorted into just lying there alone, with his dark thoughts spiralling into the worst possible places.

The silence was killing him, because it was too fucking quiet, and not even his own replica showed up. He was hurting, his heart was aching. Was he dead? Was he alive?

No, he was still self-aware, he could feel the blood running out of him, he could think, and he felt the pain. And if he felt all of this, surely, that meant he was alive. He was fine, perhaps just locked in his own mind. That’s it. Nothing else.

But he’s been in here for so long, he lost a track of time. Was it hours, days, or did a whole week gone by? He couldn’t tell. He thought he heard Kageyama yelling once, but that was quite some time ago. The boy’s voice was just a memory, and his pretty blue eyes was a blurry image in Oikawa’s head.

All he was aware of was how alone he was, and now much it hurt to exist. The blood he was lying in was subtly rising, and soon it reached his ears. He could feel it between his fingers, under his shirt. He had a hunch of what potentially happened. His soul weas forced out of his body for that horrifying second. Or maybe he imagined that, and it was just some spooky mind trick and nothing much.

Nothing to fear, because he was okay, and Kageyama was alright as well. He’s not dead, and neither is that boy.  How pathetic it would be, if him, Oikawa Tooru, the rising star of volleyball died over getting his heartstrings snapped because of a boy? Because of Kageyama Tobio of all people.

“Ridiculous,” he huffed, forcing himself to laugh into the void. It would be embarrassing, and he just refuses to end his life like this.

He picked himself up, running a hand through his damp hair, not bothered by all the blood. Surely there’s something else in here but him? His voice echoed, and bounced off of something as he called out Kageyama’s name so really, there definitely something is.

His sister told him about this once. That she has a space inside her mind, where no one but her and her soulmate is allowed. He thought that was ridiculous and called her a lunatic.

“It’s true though,” his sister said, not bothered by his response. “You’ll see once you bond with your soulmate. You’ll be able to hear them talk just to you and no one else.”

“That’s just telepathy,” Oikawa quirked an eyebrow, He was 8 at the time. A world of soulmates something pretty and harmless to him. “Nothing special about that.”

“No, I’m talking about another occurrence. Telepathy is rare but this once is even more,” the woman said. “Not many people can enter this shared mind space.”

Oikawa made a face. “That sounds ridiculous. I won’t believe it.”

The woman smiled and didn’t say anything else. The boy more or less forgot about their conversation and went on his merry way. The sister’s pretty view of soulmates started bothering him heavily, as soon as he got his mark. She talked so sweetly about her bond, her head in the clouds, he could almost see the hearts in her eyes.

To him, at the age of 16, when Kageyama’s mere existence rubbed him the wrong way, that sight was sick. He couldn’t even handle looking at his sister, and even less when his nephew was born. He felt his skin crawl, at the sight of them.

He failed to notice how his sister lost the hearts in her eyes. Until one day, he found her crying in the living room. That was when they learned her soulmate was dead. Oikawa didn’t know what to fucking do, so he just turned the other way.

After some time had passed and Kageyama’s name was a scar on his body, his sister approached him. “Tooru, what are these?”

She found the pills for numbing the side effects after bond breakage. He lied of course and said those were from Iwaizumi. His best friend’s condition was known to her, and Oikawa couldn’t think of a better excuse. The woman seemed to believe him.

She stared at him with a strange expression on her face from time to time, and Oikawa didn’t know what to make of it. Until she turned to him one random evening, grabbing his hand as he tried to retreat to his bedroom. It was on the day, when he noticed Kageyama’s expression changed for the first time.

That only made him angrier with his situation and he was very irritated.

“Listen Tooru,” the woman said sternly. “I won’t ask why you have those pills. You are old enough to know how to handle yourself.”

Oikawa’s anger was boiling in him, and he remembers how he had that thought, of how annoying his sister is. This wasn’t any of her business.

“But promise me something,” the woman said, her voice still hard. “Promise me you won’t let them go.”

Oikawa wouldn’t hear it back then, and he didn’t care, He wanted nothing more than let go of Kageyama, kicking him somewhere far, stomping on him so he won’t come crawling to him. Make him hate the brunette, so he won’t even dare to think those marks might mean something.

“That’s the worst mistake I made, and I’d hate it, if you would go through it as well,” the woman said.

“It’s not your fault he’s dead though,” Oikawa said.

“It might be,” his sister replied. “Don’t underestimate these things. Once you find yourself in a pool of blood, there’s no return.”

Oikawa was so frustrated that day, that he forgot about the woman’s words. Until now, as he tried to remember everything his sister told him about this. How there was a garden of blooming roses in her mind. How she always felt comforted, how she had that link, that made her feel happy.

Was this, what his bond looked like? Just endless stream of their blood? Or is it gone already, and this is what was left behind?

He giggled to himself, even though it wasn’t funny as he dropped back on his back again. It was ridiculous. How the hell did he come to such a gruesome end?

He felt like he was being watched one time. Like there was someone lurking from somewhere close. He shivered violently, and looked around, but there wasn’t anyone he could see. Was he going insane? Or was he just dying so-

“- wa-san!”

In the distance he heard something that was very, very familiar. It was too familiar, and he felt something warm wrap around his aching heart. The voice brought a spark along, but he still sat frozen on the spot, not really willing to move.

He felt like he wasn’t able to get his body to work.

“Oikawa-san!” the panicked voice was louder and clearer. It was Kageyama’s and Oikawa thought he was actually going insane.

Was that real, or is his silly mind playing tricks on him? He couldn’t tell for sure, because even his own voice – his thoughts that were louder than his heart – seemed unreal sometimes.

“Tobio?” he whispered to himself, narrowing his brown eyes into the darkness.

The darkness persisted, and he couldn’t see any shapes of a boy whose voice he was hearing. He doesn’t know how long he sat there, staring at nothing, before a flash of light sliced through the darkness, blinding his eyes. The sounds filled his ears out of nowhere, voices he didn’t recognize.

Annoying beeping sounds, uncomfortable stiffness in his chest, col pressure in his arm. His eyes stayed closed, and he thought he was awake, before the sounds disappeared once again.

Chapter Text

Oikawa didn’t wake up.  Kageyama sat on his bed with crossed legs, staring at Oikawa’s unmoving body. After he threw quite a tantrum, the doctors finally let them be in the same room. Kageyama felt significantly better, but he still felt heavy. Because Oikawa was just lying there, his heart beating but body not moving.

He noticed bandages were wrapped around his middle, and he didn’t dare to think why they were there. He felt hollow, like something was amiss, but he refused to acknowledge it. He refused to believe what happened, even though all the evidence was clear.

Every day was more or less the same; he woke up, looked at Oikawa who was in the same position as the day before. Forcefully ate some breakfast (the hospital food was losing taste with each day), only to stare at Oikawa again. Around noon, a therapist came to him, talked some nonsense, he talked some nonsense back, and she left again. He resumed his staring at Oikawa until he felt sleepy and fell asleep from pure boredom.

He didn’t dream since he woke up from that coma. Or whatever it was, apparently, he had some procedures done – he didn’t ask which because he was afraid if what the answer might be (he chose to be in denial of the fact his mark might be gone). His sleep was restless without as much as a pinch of dreams and then he woke up again.

It was horrible and dreadful, and he just wanted Oikawa to open his stupid eyes and look at him. He just wants the boy to wake up, even if that meant their connection is gone because at this point Kageyama doesn’t even give much of a shit anymore. He just wants Oikawa to be okay and awake.

The chances of him waking up were quite low apparently. He eavesdropped to the doctors, and he wasn’t that stupid. He knows what ‘being in critical state’ means. He couldn’t feel the tug of the strings he did before Oikawa fainted in his lap. He didn’t feel anything at all and that frightened him.

He wanted to fix everything, and yet he was the one who ruined it. When they fought the first two times, they were fine. He initiated the fight now, and now Oikawa is not even aware of his own existence.

Just how more can he fuck this up?

A knock on the door disrupts his dark thoughts, and he blinked himself from his daze. He turned to see his sister Miwa, walking in the room with a smile on her face.

“Hey, you’re awake,” she said, closing the door behind her. She had some milk boxes in her hands, and she threw one at him as she approached the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Kageyama caught the milk box with one hand. Miwa was a frequent visitor these days. He received her birthday texts on the day of his markings, but she couldn’t come since she was studying overseas. He didn’t blame her for it, and the first thing she did as he woke up was to hug him tightly and apologise for her absence.

She might have been crying too, but Kageyama was too busy wailing on his won to notice. She was keeping in contact with him, but she flew back when she heard he was undergoing a surgery. She was probably the only available emergency contact.

And really, Kageyama was glad she was here. He felt insanely better, when she showed her face in the hospital room. It was also her voice, that cut through his fog of dizziness when he was swaying in and out of consciousness.

“Terrible and horrible, but what’s new,” Kageyama said, stabbing the straw into the milk box. “He’s still not bothering to wake up.”

Miwa hummed looking at Oikawa’s motionless body. “Damn. Did the doctors say anything new?”

Kageyama shrugged. Miwa gave him a sympathetic smile.

After the game on Kageyama’s birthday, his sister called him few days after. She saw the recording before it was deleted, and she was more or less furious. She called him angry, demanding to know what why who and when, but Kageyama didn’t have much to tell her. He was pretty angry himself back then, so he matched her energy through their phone call.

He called her after their fight, expecting the woman to side with him. But she went quiet for a while before she said: “You didn’t block him, right?”

Kageyama was frustrated back then. Too emotional, and everything hurt after he forced a wall between him and Oikawa. He was hugging his panda plushie close to his body, his phone on speaker mode, lying on the floor beside him. “Yes. I did.”

“Tobio, what the fuck?” Miwa screeched. Her voice was lagging a bit so that screech ringed uncomfortably through Kageyama’s ears.

“What? I need a moment for myself since everything related to him hurts now!” Kageyama yelled back, blinking through his tears.

“I get that but holy shit,” Miwa responded. “That’s not what you were supposed to do! That can complicate shit brother.”

“Whatever, it’s done now.”

“And after that, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Kageyama sniffed. “Perhaps we’re just not compatible.”

Miwa laughed. “Ha ha, as if. That’s a funny joke. You know that this stuff is anything but random.”

“Right.”

He never discussed this with Miwa before, but she had a nice experience. He couldn’t know honestly, because he never initiated such conversation. But she mentioned once, and her stories fuelled his imaginaries. He should have asked some more, but he rather imagined how these things should go instead of inquiring about it.

It didn’t matter, back then. Not anymore at least.

“I say you give him a chance.”

“To what? Hurt me more?” Kageyama laughed. His laughter was hollow and empty.

“No, you dumbass,” Miwa huffed through the phone. “Don’t ruin this for yourself little bro. I’m pretty sure you guys can be okay.”

She did sound sure, like she really knew what she was saying. Kageyama was hurting too much to process those thoughts at that moment. He was left alone after that, so really. It was a given, that his thoughts will take a dark turn.

Miwa came barging into his hospital room as soon as he was awake and sane. She looked distressed, she fought with doctors whenever she got the chance, but refused to tell Kageyama anything. He didn’t really mind it, since he didn’t want to know. If he actively fucked up of course.

Miwa poked Oikawa’s forehead. “What about that trippy trance state you told me about?”

“Nope, nothing.”

“Ah,” Miwa turned, hopping up onto Kageyama’s bed beside her brother. She put the rest of the milk boxes she brought on the nightstand beside the bed. “I guess we wait then.”

Kageyama felt like crying. He felt utterly useless as he merely stared at Oikawa. So useless, because his staring doesn’t really help anyone. But what else can he do?

“You know maybe,” Miwa said, opening a fruit candy, rather loudly. “You should try kissing him.”

Kageyama almost choked on the milk he was drinking. He coughed as Miwa looked at him funny, slamming her palm against his back twice. He felt his cheeks colour with deep red, as he looked at Miwa: “I should what?”

It wasn’t that big of a deal really. But he remembered how Oikawa kissed him before he went out. He still felt a bit lightheaded whenever he thought about it.

“Kiss him, you know like Prince Charming,” Miwa said, popping the candy in her mouth. She grinned at her brother: “And he’s your Sleeping Beauty hehe.”

Kageyama blinked, looking at Oikawa’s sleeping posture. There was something to Miwa’s words about Oikawa being the sleeping beauty. “That’s- “

“Just a silly suggestion hah,” Miwa laughed. “It’d be funny if that actually woke him up, no?”

Kageyama pursed his lips. That would be how he himself would like to be woken up, but no way in hell is he saying that out loud. He doesn’t know if Oikawa is literally completely out, or if he can hear his voice. That would be embarrassing, and he’d definitely call him out on it.

Miwa looked at him with a soft smile afterwards. “It’s going to be okay, Tobio. Trust me.”

He wanted to, really. But he had a bandage wrapped around his waist, his heart was beating hollowly, and everything hurt. He felt like something was forcefully taken from him, and he’s slowly losing his mind, because he’s forgetting how Oikawa’s voice sounds like, and what shade of brown the boy’s eyes are.

It’s terrifying and he wants all of it to end. He wants to go back, or perhaps speed up forward. To time when Oikawa is awake, their marks are visible, and nothing hurts. When Oikawa holds up his hand, and Kageyama takes it willingly. When the brunet smiles at him with a real smile. When he’s alive and fine.

He just wants to be okay. He wants them both to be okay. Is he asking for too much?

He had a breakdown, as he unwrapped his bandages one night. It was around 11 pm, and he woke up, his stomach feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t sleep well that night, even with his plushie (he asked Miwa to bring it to him. She looked at him funny, but her face changed as Kageyama explained it was from Oikawa) and Oikawa beside him. He pulled the boy’s bed close to his, so he could hold his hand as he fell asleep. And yet, his sleep was restless, and he woke up feeling weird.

He went to the bathroom, pulling his IV along. He raised his shirt to see what was so goddamn annoying. The bandage looked fine, but he pulled it off, not liking the way it was sticking to his body. He didn’t need long to notice the dried blood. He was bleeding again.

He stared at it first, before he pulled the gauze off. His movements rushed; he felt the sting as the stitches pulled. It was a mess, as stale blood dried on his skin. He stared at it, noticing the ugly black stitches. Where his mark should be. His whole body trembled, as he felt his breathing picking up.

They… they cut through his mark. He remembered what the doctor said before, how the marks are just visual indication or physical whatever exact word was used. He couldn’t remember. But if his mark was gone, and Oikawa’s probably too, does that mean-

Does that mean it’s all gone? Oikawa started this fuckery because of the mark. Kageyama’s was an ugly scar from the start, but now, even the rest of it was gone.

He couldn’t keep his devastated screams to himself, not really bothering if his screaming would wake up the brunet in the room. His heart was beating too fast, and he started crying. What the fuck? He knew, they explained to him, that they had to stitch something up, but he didn’t think they cut it. He didn’t think they removed it whole!

He cried, his crying turned hysterical quite soon, and he found himself struggling to breathe. His throat felt sore, his stomach hurt, his chest was tightening up. He’s lost pretty much all hope, as he saw the mess of black strings. When Oikawa wakes up, he’ll see the mark is missing and that’s going to be it.

He’s going to be alone again, and Oikawa will kick him away. They’re going to go back to the way they were before: Oikawa standing above him, somewhere Kageyama can’t reach. All he’ll have left are just memories, and that’s going to hurt like Hell.

A nurse found him like this, curled into himself, crying his heart out, with bloody hands pressed to his head. She got him back to bed, rewrapping his wounds. She calmed him down, so the boy stopped crying. But he had this new fear unlocked now, that’s going to make him eat him from the inside.

But Oikawa said he…he said he loved him. It was quiet, but Kageyama definitely heard it right. That’s what he chose to believe at least. Until Oikawa audibly denies that what he’s going to believe.

Until Oikawa shatters his dreams, calls him an idiot and punches him in his chest, right where his heart is and then-.

Ah.

He had another panic attack, back-to-back to his breakdown in the bathroom. Oikawa slept through his screaming. Kageyama felt envious a tiny bit, if he was completely honest.

So, in all honesty, the days which he spent in the hospital were horrible and painful. He wanted out, but he wanted to stay with Oikawa at the same time. He wanted to be there when the boy wakes up, but he doesn’t want to witness the moment Oikawa realises his mark is-

He was discharged four days after his mental breakdown. He talked it out wit the therapist, who was convincing him, that his sudden thoughts about being left behind were completely normal. She obviously forgot this wasn't the first time. But still, he was doing better than Oikawa so he was good enough to go home. He was sitting on the bed, dressed in his own clothes, panda in his lap, staring at Oikawa’s sleeping face once again. He’s been staring at Oikawa for so long, trying to will the boy to move with his mind. He thought Oikawa would sense he’s staring at him and wake up once.

And yet. The brunet’s eyes stayed closed.

He went through the final check-up, barely resisting his urge to beat the absolute shit out of every doctor he saw. For going behind his back and doing what he wanted to avoid the most. The therapist couldn’t help much, because Kageyama couldn’t find the link. Overtime, he forced his urge to cry to change into urge to start fights. He didn’t want to cry anymore because his eyes hurt.

He didn’t have many tears left to cry either.

Miwa came to get him, when he was set to go. He stayed beside Oikawa until she knocked on the door.

He grabbed the boy’s hand, not liking how limp it was. “Stop playing with me Oikawa-san,” Kageyama said, his voice quiet and soft. “Wake up already.”

Oikawa didn’t move. His chest was rising and falling slowly, a quiet indication the boy was at least alive. Kageyama shuffled forward, laying his head on Oikawa’s chest. He held his breath, until he could hear Oikawa’s heart beating beneath his ear.

“Why won’t you come back to me,” Kageyama whispered, his voice breaking. He wrapped his arm around Oikawa’s body, hugging the boy loosely. A forgotten tear slowly rolled from his eye, over his cheek on Oikawa’s chest.

He stayed like this for a while, simply listening to Oikawa’s heart, crying quietly. How he hated their situation. He hated how utterly useless he felt. He couldn’t do anything, because he couldn’t reach through to the older boy. He didn’t feel anything but his sorrow and pain. And this insane amount of love, that felt like it’s going to burn him alive from the inside.

He pressed a soft kiss on Oikawa’s feverish cheek. At least the brunet wasn’t cold to the touch. That’d be more frightening. He left the hospital room with a heavy heart in his chest. Miwa’s smile was a bit sad, as she took his hand when they went home. He looked up at the room in which Oikawa was still laying, wiping his eyes, before he sat in the car and let Miwa drive him home.

-

He didn’t return to the hospital for three days. He didn’t have it in him, to go back. He didn’t receive any news and he didn’t feel anything that could be linked to Oikawa either. He felt horrible, and once again, he didn’t know what to do about it. He was falling behind in practice; his body suddenly wasn’t cooperating. His waist hurt. Everything hurt really, and he was more or less benched.

He told Tsukishima what happened. That he tried fixing it, and it all went to shit. That it backfired horribly, and now Oikawa is more or less dead to the world. The blond didn’t have any comeback this time. After Kageyama stopped talking, he simply looked at him, asking him quietly: “Are you okay?”

And Kageyama almost broke down in front of him again. It wasn’t fair. He lost something that was once stolen from him, and now he had to come back here, where Daichi and Sugawara are just fine, and Tsukishima is going home happily with Yamaguchi. All the things he could have right in front of him, and he feels like he lost kit all again, and he won’t find it this time.

But Sugawara had hope. Him and Daichi gave him a pep talk, and even Kyoko sat beside him, giving him some words of comfort.

“It’s going to be okay Kageyama,” she said, offering him a milk box. He was confused where that appeared, but he accepted, nonetheless. “It’s always darkness before the dawn you see. Perhaps Oikawa-san just needs more time this round. Don’t worry too much.”

It was easy to say.

He wanted to go visit Oikawa once. Miwa offered to go along (his sister stayed with him for a month after he was released from the hospital. It was nice, that he wasn’t alone when he dragged himself home from school.) but he declined.

He regrets that now though.

He didn’t have the courage to go in the building. He stopped in front staring up at it. He wanted to, but he didn’t want to see if Oikawa’s awake. Because if he walks in there and the boy is wide awake, that’d mean their connection really is lost. He could sense the boy the last time. He doesn’t sense as much as a tug from the other side of his bond.

That thought hurt.

He went towards the entry, but his body knew his fears. He turned and went around the building. He felt shameful of his fears, but no one can really blame him. Especially not Oikawa. If that boy was looking down from his window, noticing Kageyama was there but didn’t go up to him. What would his reaction even be?

Would he care, or would he just turn the other way?

He kept his eyes on his shoes as he walked back to direction he came from with hurried steps. His heart was beating so loud, he could barely hear anything around him. He was too immersed in his own thoughts, so he didn’t even see someone was right in front of him. He collided with the person clumsily.

“Aw- oh wait I’m sorry- “ the boy said hurriedly.

Kageyama recognised the voice and kept his head down. He wanted to get out of there that instant. “No, it’s fine,” he mumbled, trying to get away when an arm grabbed his hand.

“Kageyama?” another voice called his name.

Ah, shit.

He tugged on his wrist, trying to pull himself free. “No that’s not me. I have to go so- “

“Bullshit it is you!” Kindaichi said loudly, stepping in front of him. His voice wasn’t unkind, but Kageyama felt himself shrinking on himself.

“I- “

“How are you doing man?” Kunimi asked, stepping closer. “We didn’t see you much lately.”

Kageyama felt his eyes stinging. “I’m fine. Things are going great.”

“Liar.”

Kageyama glared at Kindaichi, before his frown eased as he saw Kindaichi’s expression. His eyes were strangely soft. Kunimi was also looking at him with some concern.

“Be honest Kageyama,” Kindaichi said.

“Everything hurts and I feel terrible,” Kageyama said wiping his eyes. “Oikawa-san refuses to wake up and I’m losing my shit because I can’t do anything about it.”

“Damn,” Kindaichi knocked his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay though. Ain’t no way Oikawa-san goes out like this.”

Kageyama blinked. “Right.”

He pretended he didn’t see how Kunimi kicked Kindaichi’s ankle. Another punch to his sore heart. He wanted to run away from there, when Kunimi pulled him back.

“Were you visiting the captain?”

“No, I was just passing by,” Kageyama said.

“Right,” Kunimi said. “Well, we were on our way to Oikawa-san. Why don’t you come with us?”

“No thanks- “

“Dude,” Kindaichi spoke up. “Come on man, what if he’s awake at last? He’d definitely want to see you.”

“I… I don’t know about that,” Kageyama said quietly, feeling the pressure in his chest. He really doesn’t want to start crying right now.

Kunimi frowned. “The fuck does that mean? Did something else happen?”

“I don’t know,” Kageyama repeated, tugging on his wrist to pull his hand away. “And it’s because I don’t know that I don’t want to go there.”

“He’s your soulmate you dummy,” Kindaichi barked. “The fuck are you saying?”

“Just- “ he pulled himself free. “Go without me- “

“Like Hell,” Kindaichi put his arm around his shoulders, turning him towards the hospital. “Since you’re here you’re coming with us. Come on.”

His protests fell on deaf ears, as the boys dragged him to the hospital. Kunimi was looking at him a bit weirdly, but Kageyama didn’t have time to decipher the meaning of the look. His heart was beating faster and heavier, the closer he was to Oikawa’s room. His breathing got fast, as he felt the cramps of panic cramping around his heart.

He felt some excitement, but the spark of it hurt. He hoped he’d feel some sort of sting in his hips, but there was nothing. And that’s exactly what he was afraid of. This numbness, uneasiness. Did that mean he truly lost Oikawa?

“You’ve got fifteen minutes,” the nurse said. She looked at them over her shoulder as she escorted them towards Oikawa’s room. “But that’s after his family wraps up their visit. They should be done soon.”

His-

Kageyama’s body froze. Oikawa’s family was here? That wasn’t good. Perhaps they blame Kageyama for what happened to their son, brother. And he’s just showing his face, right after they walk out the room, in which their son is still laying unconscious. Like he’s asking for a beating.

“Wait, no- “

The door opened, and Oikawa’s mother walked out of the room. Her face was a little red, like she’d been crying. Which was highly possible.

Kageyama stumbled backwards, feeling a great urge to run away. He knew he shouldn’t have come here. Miwa should be with him, or maybe he should just stay home. Because Oikawa’s mother probably wants someone to blame, and she surely won’t blame her own son. She was always nice to Kageyama, but would anyone be nice to the reason their son is not waking up?

“I- “

“Oh, Tobio is that you?” the woman’s voice reached the boy’s ears.

He just stared at her, frozen on the spot, not being able to say a word. The resemblance striked him again as the woman’s face got clearer. He felt tears filling his eyes. The woman said something to Kunimi and Kindaichi, as she approached him. The boys waved at Kageyama over the woman’s shoulder, their faces somewhat sad, before they disappeared behind closed doors.

“How are you?” Oikawa’s mother asked him, her eyes soft, as she stopped in front of him, reaching for his hand.

“I- I’m-“ Kageyama’s words caught in his throat.

He truly felt like crying now.

“Do you have some time to spare?” the woman asked. Her hand felt warm, wrapped around Kageyama’s shaky fingers. “I’d like to speak to you.”

Kageyama nodded, since he felt like he’d start crying, as soon as he opens his mouth. He looked at the closed doors of Oikawa’s room, before he walked away with Oikawa’s mom. He felt strangely comforted, even though he was absolutely terrified.

Chapter Text

“This absolutely sucks,” Oikawa said out loud, standing in the middle of the dark room. He’s been here for so long, he’s sure he’s losing his mind.

Or maybe, he’s just already dead and this is the afterlife. But he vividly remembers some flash of light, and voices. So, he wasn’t dead then. He could be at the moment,  but that’s some drastic thinking.

“Agreed,” his replica said from the floor. There was significantly less blood in that weird room. But there was still a lot of it. “We should just give up. It’s not like I want to see Tobio’s stupid face ever ag- “

Oikawa kicked him hard in the face, so the guy fell backwards into the blood. “No one asked you.”

“I don’t agree. I think Tobio’s cute. I don’t remember how he looks like though, so really, I hope we see him again,” said another one of his strange replicas, this one from the right side.

For some reason, there were two of them, when Oikawa found himself back here again. It was confusing, because he thought he had this shit figured out. Until there was another him staring back, his eyes as hollow as Oikawa felt. It was like a nightmare, and he couldn’t wake up from it.

One was full of shit, talking with anger and fury, asking for a fight, and not liking the way Oikawa wants to go back, find wherever his soulmate is, and hug that boy for solid 45 minutes. And then of course, kiss him after. He owes Kageyama a proper kiss, because that desperate smooch wasn’t nearly enough.

The other one was weird as fuck. He didn’t show any aggression or hatred toward Oikawa and Tobio like the first one, but he looked like he was practically dead inside. His smiles were shallow, his eyes practically black and his voice was so sickeningly sweet, Oikawa’s ears felt like they were bleeding.

He didn’t have a faintest idea, which part of him was that one. And why he was there. Because really, he can go down two roads, as he tries to make this thing logical. First one, is that he’s simply going insane, and this whole stuff is not even real, and his brain is playing tricks on him, because it doesn’t have anything to do, and this is the horrifying result.

The other is that he’s splitting, falling apart to the different aspects of his personality. That was equally terrifying. And that would mean he’s actually dying, and this is some fucked up catharsis he’s having.

Either way.

He never hated himself so much than in that moment.

“Hell nah,” the guy who got kicked spat. “I can’t stand that boy. He’s so annoying- “

“Annoyingly adorable yes, agreed,” the other one said. “Why are you so negative man?”

“Ain’t that a question?” was the annoyed reply.

“Both of you shut the fuck up,” Oikawa said, kicking one and shoving the other. He was rapidly going insane, because arguing with himself was tiring as hell.

It was even worse when he realised, he’s got only himself to blame. This being a project of his mind makes it his work. Why? He doesn’t fucking know. It’s not like he needs to know he’s a prick. He’s well aware he can come off as an asshole. Lesson learned or something.

“I should just break this thing, right?” he asked out loud, motioning to the invisible wall. Sometimes, he could hear Kageyama’s voice through that barrier. He chose to believe he wasn’t making that up.

“Yes, but why?” the guy on his left responded, picking himself up. “That’s going to hurt as hell. I say we just stay here.”

“No, I literally cannot stand you,” Oikawa glared at the boy on his left. “You’re so fucking annoying, just be quiet already.”

“Wow, you can’t even stand yourself? That’s something to think about,” the boy said, raising his eyebrows.

 Oikawa felt like punching him again.

“It’s going to hurt as hell yes,” the Oikawa on his right said. “But that means Tobio’s also going to hurt so let’s do it. He should suffer too!”

Oikawa blinked. He thought only one of his projections wanted the boy in question out of the picture. This was the first time he expressed violence.

“What?”

“Mhm mhm,” the projection nodded. “Go at it Tooru c’mon. No pain no gain.”

“No gain only pain that’s better in my- “the left one said and Oikawa felt his eye twitch. He punched the boy again, kicking him after he fell.

“OW! Why are you punching me you prick?”

“Should your mouth for fuck’s sake,” Oikawa growled. He turned to the right one, glaring at him. “And who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“I’m you duh- “

“I know that much. But what part exactly? I know that fucker over there is the great impersonation of my shitty pride but what the fuck are you?”

The projection blinked his void eyes. “I’m the sadist.”

Oikawa blinked. “Fucking what- “

“Manipulating gas lighter,” the boy winked. “Violent tendencies masked as overly sweet and kind senpai. Rings a bell?”

“No,” Oikawa responded, kicking him in the stomach. “That doesn’t sound like me at all so scram. Get out of my sight.”

“I can’t though? It’s just me myself and I in here, who else will keep you company but me?” Oikawa wheezed from the floor.

Ah.

He was really going crazy. He missed Kageyama like crazy. He wanted to go back to him, back to his life, not being stuck here with himself. He already thought through every thought he had, screamed everything he felt like screaming, cried over everything he felt like crying. He literally had nothing else to do.

He tried breaking that wall, but every time he’d make a crack, and hear the sounds of the real world, everything would suddenly glitch and crash, and the loop would repeat. Maybe he was supposed to break this blockage in one go, so he’d just wake up and everything would be fine.

So far, he tried that around 75 times. Each time, the voices brought him back to this dark room, his own face staring back at him.

He screamed his throat raw, calling for Kageyama. The boy never answered, and Oikawa was literally running out of options.

The only thing he got left was to wait. And that was getting tiring.

“You’re a bad company,” Oikawa said. He glared down at the guy.

“That’s hurtful.”

“I do not give a shit.”

“Wow- “

“You are both annoying,” the left guy said.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. He has only one possible solution left, but he was a bit hesitating with that one. If this doesn’t work like he thinks it will, he might be just sending himself down to Hell. But that seemed like the only solution that was left. He should just beat the living shit out of these replicas of himself, quite literally killing them in the process.

That might work, since this could mean he just needs to put his regrets to the past, and he’ll be free from this guilt that he tripped himself into. Since Kageyama said he’s willing to try to forgive him, and really, he’d do fucking anything for that. And maybe he needs to overcome this hatred and anger he’s still harbouring somewhere deep inside of him. Perhaps that’s what’s keeping him from truly accepting Kageyama as his soulmate.

If he kills the phantom of his resentment, he’d be free, and he’ll wake up from this horrid nightmare.

But the other outcome, could be that he’s entirely wrong, and with killing those two he kills himself. And well, just dies. Literally, and permanently this time. And he doesn’t want that.

“What are you thinking so hard about Tooru?” the right guy said.

"I’m thinking about bashing your head in the wall,” Oikawa said, deadly serious.

The right guy raised his eyebrows: “Wow ain’t that kinda violent. And that’s surely not going to work.”

“Why wouldn’t it?” Oikawa narrowed his eyes.

“We’re literally a part of you,” the left one said, his voice carrying a tone of mockery. “I thought you didn’t want to die.”

“I don’t-“

“Who said we’re not dead already?” the right one said, looking at the left one with a sinister smile. The expression was hideous and Oikawa couldn’t even look at himself.

Was this his personal hell or something? Being stuck in this void forever with only his worst personality traits as company? He’ll surely lose his mind if this goes on any longer. He can’t handle this anymore.

When he was not bickering with himself, he’d just somewhat exist. It was tiring and he just wanted to wake up. But him punching invisible walls around him didn’t help him jack shit, and he’s at complete loss. And these two projections, his stupid prideful jealousy and manipulating tendencies were seriously making him go insane.

His dark thoughts spiraled so far, that he just couldn’t handle it anymore. No matter if that’s his final straw, that will dump his soul into the afterlife. He doesn’t know how much time passed, but he’s had enough. His hands were already formed in a fist as he approached is second persona, not even bothering to listen to his annoying rant, and punched him hard.

Harder than any time before, when his punches were just to shut him up. He put all his frustrated anger into this punch, sending the guy flying across the black. It must’ve been the right thing to do, or maybe not because he could feel the impact on his own face. It hurt bad, but it didn’t matter.

If he has to kill a part of himself to get back to Kageyama, then so fucking be it.

It was painful, because he could feel every punch he delivered. His unwelcome phantom of his own personality did not even try to defend himself, but he didn’t care.

A distant high annoying high pitched sound ringed in his ears after a while, and he felt his body sway. Did he finally do it, or was this another misdirect?

He couldn’t see anything, and his projections were gone. A bright light flashed in his eyes, and he covered his face, because the light stung his brown eyes. He could hear voices, and now he was sure, that he truly is not dead.

Just stuck within his own consciousness.

“Hey! Is he waking up?” a male voice ringed loudly. It was familiar, but it wasn’t Kageyama’s-

“No way! Yo captain! You with us?” another voice joined.

Where was Kageyama? Why couldn’t he hear Kageyama’s voice?

He felt a sharp sting of pain in his chest at the thought Kageyama wasn’t there. How much time has passed? Did Kageyama just leave him behind? After everything did that boy just fucking leave? Was Oikawa the only one who was fighting for this?

“Ey doesn’t this thing beep kinda fast?” the voices continued.

“Dude that’s his heartbeat dumbass!”

“I know that! But why is it so fucking fast? Is this normal?”

“I don’t think so… shit he’s- Let’s call the doctor!” the first guy panicked.

Oikawa just wanted to see who was there. He’d want to see a certain someone, but he won’t make any assumptions. He tried screaming loud, to get his voice through this wall, into the dimension where he wasn’t talking to another version of himself.

“Let me wake up for fuck’s sake!” he screamed, punching through the cracked wall. He was right about one thing at least. Beating himself was the right solution to get his actual body to stir up. For his stream of consciousness to finally start flowing in the right direction.

The shards were slowly getting back up, building that stupid wall again, preventing him from reachin through. He punched at it again, feeling the skin on his knuckles. Why did this actually hurt?

“Holy fu-..” the voices got louder, the light was brighter.

“...yama! Let’s go get him to- “

“But he’s-…the fu- on..? “

“...-san! C’mon man- “

The voices died out in the end, and Oikawa’s fist slammed against the wall so hard, he felt his fingers break. He screamed into the bloody void, as he realised that he’s stuck again, as the wall was built up once more.

He resorted into just laying there after his attempt was proven to be a kick in the fucking dark. Quite literal, in his gruesome case. He was alone once more, but he had that weird warm feeling inside of him, that didn’t make sense. He was stuck in there for what seemed like literal eternity, his senses dulling after he just couldn’t hear anything anymore. This was probably the end, since he just doesn’t have much will to try again.

Perhaps.

It’s time for him to stop fighting against himself.  

Chapter Text

Kageyama felt nervous to say the least. He didn’t know what the woman wanted from him. Her eyes reminded him of Oikawa’s and damn, he wanted to cry again. The woman took him to the coffee shop beside the hospital. He had a cup of sweetened warm milk in front of him, and a hole in his heart. He was never scared of another guy’s mother before.

She didn’t frighten him truly, but he was just terrified. Her son is literally motionless on the hospital bed, and it’s his fault. In a way.

She asked him how he’s doing. A casual question to start a conversation, but Kageyama felt his throat closing up immediately.

“I-“ his voice broke. “I’m sorry, Oikawa-san,” he hiccupped, tipping his head forward. He squeezed his eyes shut, the tears welling up in his eyes falling down cheeks. “I’m really sorry, but I didn’t know this would be the outcome- “

“Hey hey, Kageyama,” the woman called him, her hand reaching to his chin, tilting his head up. “I asked you how you’re holding up. Not to apologise to me.”

Kageyama sniffed. “It’s just that-“

“I know, you probably feel guilty for what happened,” the woman said, her voice kind. “But I’m not blaming you. I know how stubborn my son is, and how he’s always testing his own limits. This might be a result of his own doing.”

“No, ma’am,” Kageyama wiped his eyes with the tissue the woman offered him. “I went to him, before this happened. He didn’t want to talk to me, but I just wanted to..” he hiccupped as his breath hitched. “I just wanted him to know that… that I-“

“Kageyama,” Oikawa’s mom said, her brown eyes glimmering. “I know. And I’m telling you, that it’s okay.”

Kageyama didn’t really believe it, but he was just glad the woman wasn’t mad. If she suddenly forbid him from coming to see Oikawa, he’d be even more devastated than now. He’s been crying so much lately he feels like his eyes might swell up.

He doesn’t want to cry. He wants a hug from Oikawa. And to hear him say he loves him again. That’s literally all there is to it.

“So,” the woman paused to take a sip of her latte. “How are you doing otherwise? Training going well?”

He felt relieved, that he could talk about their practice. The Nationals were now literally around the corner, and he must be in top shape for it. This was throwing him off a bit, since Daichi gave him literally minimum play time. He understood why really, but it was frustrating.

Not being able to play as much as he wanted to, not being able to hug Oikawa, not being able to feel happy – it was tiring. Everything just tumbling down over him, forcing him to the ground. It hurt and he was tired from all the pain.

The woman listened to him and he found it comforting. It should be his own mother, listening to his rants, but this wasn’t that bad either.

“I just hope he wakes up soon,” Kageyama said then, the cup of milk getting cold in his hands.

“I’m sure he will,” the woman replied. “This is not the worst outcome that could happen, given his actions”

Kageyama stared at the milk, not daring to look up. “So, you knew about it?”

“He didn’t tell me, but I’m his mother, he can’t hide these things from me, no matter how he wanted to,” the woman huffed a laugh. “I’d definitely talk him out of it. I wouldn’t let him hurt himself and you like this. It’s a shame, that he felt like he couldn’t trust me with such a thing.”

Is it weird, that Kageyama felt relieved that Oikawa didn’t tell his mother about it? For some reason, he felt a sense of calmness washing over him. It still hurt though.

“Right…”

“But there’s no doubt, that something changed,” the woman said. “He’s not the same as he was back then, and the change can be quite literally seen.”

Kageyama glanced up at the woman across the table. She wasn’t looking his way, her face was turned away, to the window, her eyes looking at something outside. Even from the side, she looked so similar to her son, Kageyama had to blink rapidly to wake himself from his daze.

“I know that.”

He’s had some hard time believing it, but the woman didn’t need to know that. It was difficult for Kageyama to leave the past behind, and try to focus on what was happening in the present, and what will be going on in the future. But he was also different from how he was back then.

“It’s going to be okay,” the woman said then, turning back to him with a smile.

The way her lips stretched was so familiar, Kageyama felt his blue eyes water again. He didn’t trust his voice anymore, so he merely nodded, looking back down to the cup in his hands. This conversation did little to calm him down. He did feel somewhat better, but this sense of guilt was still weighing him down a bit.

He felt a strange sting somewhere along the way. It was fast and hurried, like he’d suddenly stab his side with a needle. It was gone as soon as he acknowledged the slight pain. He thought he imagined it.

The woman drove him home then. She asked him if he wanted to stop by Oikawa first but Kageyama just couldn’t. He felt guilty, that he didn’t actually went to see him, even though that was his intention.

Miwa waved at him, as she saw him by the front door. “Hey, you’re back! Anything new?”

“He’s still asleep,” Kageyama said, partly lying. Because he didn’t actually know if the boy was awake or not. How could he, he didn’t go to see.

“Ah, really?” Miwa frowned. “That’s- oh well. We’ll see, I guess. Your phone was going of like crazy by the way. I thought something must’ve happened.”

“Huh?” Kageyama blinked. “My phone?”

“Yeah bro,” Miwa waved a spatula in the direction of his room. “It was ringing, then dinging and ringing some more. But if Oikawa didn’t wake up, then maybe something else is going on. Or maybe that’s just spam mail heh.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes before he almost ran to his room. Could it be, that something happened in the hospital, after he left? Did he miss something? Did Oikawa see him lingering around the building, and is now just utterly disappointed in him? Or did he just ignore him, and the texts are not even from him?

His heart was beating fast, his hands a bit shaky as he picked up his phone. He had some missed calls from Kindaichi and Kunimi, and from Hinata. Hinata was inquiring about some stupid homework, so Kageyama didn’t really bother answering to the boy’s text.

He opened the group chat from Karasuno, seeing there wasn’t urgent either. He scrolled through, before he opened another group chat, in which there were three participants: him, Kindaichi and Kunimi.

He read through the texts, his heart beating so fast, he felt it beating in his ears.

KINDAICHI 6.35 pm: Yo where u at dude? Captain woke up! ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ

KUNIMI 6.36 pm: No he didnt WAKE up.

6.37 pm Bruh he totally did. U saw it too his eyes fluttered and shit. Anyway @KAGEYAMA dude come back

6.38 pm For a moment you dumbass! He was awake for like 3 seconds tops lmao stop making a fuss about it.

@KAGEYAMA where u at tho? You could go visit real fast

6.38 Maybe he wakes up again with ur presence? Like for real this time?

6.39 pm Fucking idiot that’s not how this works lmfao

6.39 pm Like hell it doesnt. I bet hed sat up immediately if Kageyama was there

6.39 pm Welp. Ig well never know

6.40 pm @KAGEYAMA @KAGEYAMA @KAGEYAMA

6.40 pm Imma take bets with Iwaizumi-san and Maki-san

6.41 pm Lmaooo bets about what? @KAGEYAMA

6.41 pm Idk if captain wakes when I chant Kageyama three times or not

6.41 pm Lol 

Kageyama stared at the conversation, not really knowing how he should feel about it. He should be able to tell, if Oikawa was awake or not. He didn’t recall any indication that he felt something stir – Unless –

He remembered how he felt something sting, when he was with Oikawa’s mom. He couldn’t tell if that was at the exact same time, when Kindaichi and Kunimi texted, assuming the boys texted as soon as the thing happened. But it was a sting, where his soul mark was supposed to be, so perhaps-

Perhaps he didn’t ruin anything, that day? Perhaps it was okay, and they both still have the connection between them, and Oikawa won’t kick him away, when he’s actually awake?

8.05 pm What happened exactly?

He wrote the text with shaky fingers, his heart skipping ahead. He was still so scared, because he has no way of knowing, until Oikawa tells him himself. If he’s feeling like this is something worth saving, or if he’s just going to throw everything away.

If he said he loves him because he felt like that was something he should say, or did he actually-

Ah.

He’s doubting everything now. He shouldn’t be, he should have faith. But it was so hard.

8.07 pm Yooo dude where tf were u man? 

8.07 pm With his mom bro

8.07 pm Riighttt lmfaooo

8.07 pm What happened tho? She didnt yell at u or smthng

8.08 pm No she was just sad. Now tell me what happened

8.08 pm It was weird asf ngl cause like we went in the room and talked some shit cause idfk why like we told him what we were doing and stuff

8.08 pm Seems kinda exxcesive ngl like did he even hear what we said lmfao

8.09 pm Dude, he’s just unconsciuons not dead ofc he heard us. And it’s *excessive

8.09 pm Illiterate idiot

8.10 pm Y’all

8.10 @KUNIMI you bicth. Its *unconscious dumbass cant write for shit ٩(ఠ益ఠ)۶

8.10 pm Dont fucking lecture me rn (凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

8.10 pm And its bitch. Stupid ass

8.10 pm 凸(`△´＃)

8.10 pm Wtf bro?? Why are u so aggressive rn?? Like??

8.11 pm Idk man. Must be my allergy

8.11 pm You guys istg

Kageyama rolled his eyes. Ever since he befriended these two, his phone was daily going off. They would argue about useless little things and use him as a neutral party to decide who’s at fault, and who’s to blame. It was fun in a way, since Kageyama always chose the most chaptic option, only to see them fight again.

The fights were mostly just some useless bickering, nothing that serious. They made him laugh sometimes, and he vividly remeberes how he laughed out loud once, when Kunimi and Kindaichi were fighting over something so silly, he couldn’t even take them seriously that time. He was actually with Oikawa at that moment, laying on the boy’s bed, head upside down, as Oikawa was doing some homework.

It was supposed to be the brunet tutoring Kageyama in math, but Oikawa almost went batshit because of Kageyama’s selective simplicity. He actually lectured him on that, but Kageyama just stared at him, not really understanding what Oikawa was getting at.

He kept snickering to Kindaichi and Kunimi’s texts, until Kunimi said something so out of pocket Kageyama roared with laughter, and almost fell of the bed, hitting his head in the process.

Oikawa looked at him with alarm, as the boy squirmed on the floor from laughter. Kageyama could barely explain to him, why he was laughing so much.

“Didn’t know you were so nosy,” Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “Where were you hiding this chaotic side of yours hm?”

Kageyama texted something back, that made Kindaichi even more mad, and kept giggling to himself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responded to Oikawa blinking up at him with his bright blue eyes.

Oikawa stared at him for a moment, before he smiled, shaking his head.

So really, Kageyama didn’t regret befriending these two boys. But sometimes, their arguing was annoying, and right now, it wasn’t quite the right time.

8.11 pm What fucking allergy

8.11 pm Allergy to illiterate stupid men

8.12 pm YOU MOTHERFUCEKER ୧((#Φ益Φ#))୨

8.12 pm See? Smh, cant even spell

8.12 pm YOU-

8.12 pm Both of you pls stfu can you just tell me what happened, yall can argue later

8.13 pm RIGHT! So yeah, we were talking shit, and sometime the machine that records heartbeat started going off like crazy like beeping real fucking fast

8.13 pm Heart monitor

8.13 pm Yeah that. And I think captains hand moved like idk his fingers twitched or smthng like flexed

8.13 pm They trembled like barely

8.14 pm And his face changed a bit like his eyebrows twitched and his eyelids fluttered or whatever the word is. Idk if he actually opened his eyes tho

8.14 pm He didnt but he almost did so yeah. His eyes did the thing when your eyeballs move rapidly and it was freaky as shit

8.14 pm Ha ha what

8.15 pm Yeah dude like when ure dreaming or something ur eyes do this freaky twitch thing and dude it was fuyking gros ksmfkdmfk like nah man

8.15 pm (￢_￢;)

8.15 pm *Fucking gross

8.15 pm Ure so fucking annoying man stfu (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

8.15 pm Ure annoying with ur illiterate typing man (‡▼益▼)

8.15 pm So what yall are saying is that he might be on the verge of waking up?

8,16 pm Yesu

8.16 pm Pretty much yeah

8.16 pm („• ᴗ •„)

8.16 pm Yeah dude rejoice! Btw did u feel anything?

Kageyama thought about it again. He’s not sure it was accurate, depending on the way they were describing what happened. But really, it could be, that it was aligning, and he felt something when Oikawa’s conscious stirred. There was no other explanation for the source of that strange pain honestly.

And he’s choosing to be positive about it.

8.17 pm I did feel a pang yeah but idk when it was

8.17 pm YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

8.17 pm IT MUST BE IT BRO ＼(≧▽≦)／

8,17 pm U were out the hospital like what three weeks ago? It surely is the bond

8.18 pm I think so too. But I didnt have these dreams yet

8.18 pm Like…. None at all?

8.18 pm Nope none

8.18 pm Huh ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

8.19pm huH ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

8.19 pm HuH ( ಥ ʖ̯ ಥ)

8.19 pm hUh ( ಠ ʖ̯ ಠ)

8.19 pm Okay I get it ffs. Whatever, ig well see when he wakes up

8.19 pm I have faith brother. Please invite me to ur wedding ☆ ～('▽^人)

8.19 pm Tf? 

8.20 pm Me too. Im his date ofc so yeah both of us

8.20 pm Better yet, we should totally be ur best men (☆ω☆)

8.20 pm OH! Yes yes. That’s even better yesu

8.21 pm Who tf said Im getting married?

8.21 pm Dude lmaooo if only u knew lol

8.21 pm Knew what

8.21 pm So get this-

8.21 pm Dude stfu rn this aint our place to talk. Anyway gotta blast I have homework I didn’t do. See you tomorrow and don’t lose faith my brother. Love shall prevail (￣^￣)ゞ

8.22 pm Lmfaoo

8.22 pm Wait what homework??

8.22 pm Dude…

8.22pm ????????????????????

8.22 pm Good luck yall

Kageyama felt a bit better as he turned off his phone. Some of his hope was regained. He still needs to wait for his soulmate to wake up, but at least he made some peace with himself. He’s not going to be able to fully free himself from this weight of guilt, until Oikawa is truly fine.

He grabbed his plushie, hugging it tightly to himself. It’s going to be okay, and he’s sure of it.

Chapter Text

To say he was angry would be an understatement. He felt so many violent things, he could barely keep himself from lashing out on the poor nurse that came in the room when the monitor went beeping like crazy. He didn’t feel any need to especially justify his anger, because naturally, he was more than allowed to be mad.

Why was he mad?

Ah, the list was quite long that morning.

First of all, his nightmare didn’t end. It kept dragging on, like the endless stream of blood, and he already felt like he lost his sanity from screaming into the void. The worst part was that he was aware he was just dreaming. If this was just some mindless slumber, he could easily wake up. Naturally, he went a little batshit from all of his pent-up frustration.

That started the pile of his raging thoughts. Another one, was the brilliant solution to his ridiculous problem. After trying everything he could think of- hell, he even beat the shit out of himself. How that one didn’t work is still quite beyond him – and lost all hope and resorted to just existing in the red pool, a ball was tossed into his direction.

He stared at it at first, not really sure if that was actually there, or if he was slowly drifting awake. Or perhaps deeper into his despair. However, the ball was very much real, and the ball was a volleyball. Of all the things, which could appear before him, it was his volleyball- he knew it was actually his own. Didn’t really try to make much sense of it. That made his eyebrow twitch in mild annoyance.

But the mere fact it was his volleyball wasn’t what really pissed him off. No, it was the person who gave him the ball. He looked up to see a blurry image of Kageyama standing on the other side of the glass wall. He could hear the boy’s faint voice, quiet like a whisper in the wind: “Perhaps this will help you out. Isn’t this what started this whole stuff?”

And wow, why did that make him mad? He got so angry, his blood felt hot in his veins, his heart like it was burning from the inside. Rage practically blinded him, as he picked up that forsaken ball, and just launched it across the wide space. With all his strength, aiming it right at Kageyama’s stupid face. Why did he feel so outraged upon seeing his soulmate?

He thought Kageyama’s final presence would actually be enough to wake him up. And yet, instead of having an urge to hug him, his fingers clench with a violent urge to choke the lights out of him.

Was that normal? Feeling so angry with the person you thought you loved? Perhaps it was the fact Oikawa was left to fight this shit alone. Maybe he got fed up with how long it took him, to finally break through the invisible wall, back to his reality.  

Whatever it was, it made him fucking rage.

Another fact that fuelled the flame of anger, was that he woke up alone. A nurse came running to him, as he started raging - somehow him lashing out as soon as he opened his eyes made sense to him. And he didn’t need long to realise he was the only bedridden person in the room. Not only that, but he also felt alone on a whole other level.

That frightened him, the hollow feeling in his chest. Where was that spark, he felt when he was swinging in and out of consciousness? Why was it gone? And why did he feel some weird sensation on his hip?

Again, he didn’t need long to understand what happened. He looked beneath the bandage, seeing something that should be there was pretty much gone. Just a faint reminder of what it used to be. He figured that this could be the outcome. After everything, that took place. After he messed up, twice. He had a hunch this would happen, but he didn’t think far enough to know how he should deal with it.

He had it a bit easier though, since the source of his problems wasn’t present. Kageyama wasn’t there, and Oikawa was not okay with that. He didn’t have to ask, because the nurse told him, that he was discharged already.

Reasonable conclusion. But Oikawa felt an urge to scream.

He didn’t tell anyone, that he was awake, so Iwaizumi stood by the door for a moment, like he’d seen a ghost standing by the window. Which, he thought he did, since apparently, he saw a tear in the fabric of reality when Oikawa pretty much died for a while.

That was also insane. He was actually, really dead in that moment, as he saw his own body, and Kageyama crying in Iwaizumi’s lap. He giggled hysterically when Iwaizumi told him that.

“That’s not funny!” Iwaizumi punched his shoulder.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. His head hurt so bad this simple motion made him feel like his brain bounced off the edges of his skull. That hurt as hell. “Sure. Humour me.”

“So, how is it?”

“Gone,” Oikawa said bitterly, looking through the window. He was standing with his arms crossed, frowning at his dim reflection in the glass. “Deleted, forgotten, buried I don’t know- “

“Like Hell,” Iwaizumi said, sounding bewildered.

Oikawa shrugged. “I don’t know what else to tell you. The mark is gone for sure.”

“That doesn’t mean the bond is too.”

“Mmm.”

The brunette held back from his rageful urges that day. Kageyama didn’t show up at the hospital, and Oikawa was frequently losing his shit. When Iwaizumi visited the third time, Oikawa lost all of his composure, and went batshit for real. Without holding back, he went on a rant, with a bitter heart and stinging eyes.

“It’s just the fact, that I’m here, he’s not, and I can’t feel jack shit,” Oikawa said, glaring at nothing up ahead. “I don’t know what it means, I am angry about it, because I can’t explain, and I want to see him, but if I do, I’ll probably slap him across the face, because holy fucking shit- “

“Oikawa! Are you listening to yourself fucker?!” Iwaizumi yelled, ending his rant. He was looking at his best friend in alarm. “Calm down.”

“Little shit fucking betrayed me, he has to perish,” Oikawa narrowed his eyes, looking in Iwaizumi’s general direction. “My other persona was right. I should make him hurt.”

“No!” Iwaizumi yelled then, reaching over to punch Oikawa’s shoulder. “Have you tried contacting him you idiot?”

“My phone is dead,” Oikawa started.

“Then? Charge it you fucking idiot!”

“I can’t, because if I’m honest I don’t know where my phone is at the moment- “

Iwaizumi kicked him. “If you’d contact him, you’d know why he can’t be here. He’s at Nationals you imbecile.”

Oikawa got even angrier at that information. He wasn’t just angry, there was this spark of enthusiastic joy, and some excitement, but he couldn’t deny his anger either. He didn’t know what he should focus on feeling, so he decided he’s just going to be bitter and annoying. Iwaizumi is already used to him resorting to his jerk persona, and there was no one else around.

He clicked his tongue, refusing to say anything. Something drastically ugly would come out of his mouth, if he were to speak up.

He was hurt, and he thought he wouldn’t get so frustrated with it. But really, partly this is his own fault. He wasn’t kidding when he said he doesn’t know where his phone is. He really didn’t remember seeing it.

Not that it mattered. The little shit was probably in Tokyo way too busy warming up to get on the court. Which was also fucking hilarious, because how long was he out of it? Was it a whole month? His mother came to visit, and she looked shocked to see him sitting up. Her surprise lasted a brief moment, before tears welled up in her eyes, and she started yelling at him.

Which okay, Oikawa could understand. So, he wasn’t mad at the woman, why would he be?

However.

Kageyama didn’t reach him in any way whatsoever and Oikawa pretended he was completely fine. He didn’t ask Iwaizumi if he told him about him being awake, and what the younger might say. He couldn’t be bothered because he was too busy trying to quell his anger. That overtook him completely, and almost made him go batshit.

He was experiencing some physical pain as well. Which was also a bummer.

Oikawa was just sitting on his bed, thinking about how cruel the world he lives in is, and how easily he could just drop everything right then and there, and pretend nothing actually happened. Honestly, with his mark stitched up and covered completely, he can just pretend that scar didn’t exist and he could go on his merry way to Argentina, where he’d get better, faster, stronger, then seek out in which forsaken club that little motherfucker whose name is Kageyama Tobio would apply to, and somehow challenge him to a match and absolutely obliterate him.

Wipe the court floor with that cheeky boy, for all the heart aches and problems he caused him by his mere existence. Beat him so bad, the younger would be embarrassed for the rest of his life.

But on the other hand, his heart just by thinking about Kageyama’s tear-filled eyes, and he knew him going ignorant wouldn’t be the right choice of action. But why the fuck does he feel like he’s been played, when he was personally the one who did the playing?

A hit to the back of his head stirred him from his dark thoughts. He didn’t hear anyone calling his name, or indicating they were in the room, and his reflexes were faster than him himself. He turned so fast, elbowing the guy in the stomach. Some of his anger got released with that violent move, and he heard Iwaizumi groan in pain.

“Ow! What the hell bro?” Iwaizumi glared at him, a hand on his abdomen.

Oikawa blinked. “Ah, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“And your first response is to fucking elbow me in the stomach?”

“You hit me first- “

“And I’d do it again, you dumbass,” Iwaizumi made a face at Oikawa, who put his hands up in surrender.

“Anyway,” Iwaizumi’s face cleared as he threw a package of milk bread at Oikawa. The brunette side eyed the thing that was thrown at him, before glancing at his best friend. “Karasuno is up today.”

“I don’t give a shit- “

“Shut the fuck up,” Iwaizumi said, his voice carrying some mild annoyance, as he moved to turn on the tv in the room. “You do care and don’t be so salty just because Kageyama didn’t have time to come back. Give him a week, would you?”

Oikawa didn’t say anything, as he violently opened the milk bread. His face coloured as he realised, he’s behaving like a teenage girl with a crush. Which is absolutely embarrassing. His emotions being all over the place was a given, but there’s only so much a man’s pride can handle.

The game was on, and Oikawa felt annoyed as soon as he heard the sounds. He refused to look at the screen for a good while. But he got too curious, and he himself knew he won’t just not watch a volleyball match because he’s feeling petty.

He looked up to see Karasuno going against Inarizaki. Probably a rematch, since the last time the whole thing ended drastically. It was going well even, and he didn’t dare say anything out loud. Iwaizumi gave him few looks here and there, but Oikawa just stared straight a head feeling conflicted. Karasuno was doing fine, this three something months that were additionally given to them for practice certainly played their part.

Hinata seemed as energetic as ever, Four eyes and his other half didn’t look much different, and Daichi was fired up. They were all doing fine, completely engrossed in their match. Even the opposing line up was doing good. The twins were crazy fast, and Oikawa felt a bit sceptical. The last time, the points were on Karasuno’s side. This time it seemed like they were rushing ahead.

Kageyama was subbed out at the moment, yet camera flashed to his face every once in a while. His face was clear, void of anything but pure concentration on the match. Oikawa chewed angrily on the piece of milk bread inside of his mouth, as he realised just how unbothered the boy looked.

It was somewhat obvious, since Oikawa’s been in this coma for longer than Kageyama. So perhaps the boy already moved on. And Oikawa was sitting here, being mad for absolutely nothing, for something that was already gone-

“Dude,” Iwaizumi knocked his shoulder. “What’s up with you?”

Tanaka sent the ball out of the court. Oikawa huffed a laugh. He was too energetic, and it was already the second set. They were truly rushing ahead. Like they were trying to speed up the match. And for what? For them to lose miserably in the moment of weakness?

The commentator was also obnoxious as hell. He kept making comments about the last match and going off to rant some absolutely useless recaps about the ‘Marking incident.’ For fuck’s sake, that shit made it ito the media? Why was this absolute nobody suddenly talking about this, that no one but the two of them involved should actually-

Ah.

Still, it was annoying, and he had Iwaizumi lower the volume multiple times.

No matter how angry he was, Kageyama still looked pretty. Oikawa felt that traitorous ping of slight pain, as the camera zoomed on the boy’s pretty blue eyes. There was something beautiful in the way the younger was solely concentrated. How his back was tensed as he observed the match, probably feeling the itch to be on the court himself. It wasn’t fair, that he didn’t seem distressed.

“It’s just that,” Oikawa sighed, craning his neck. “He looks so… so adorably unphased.”

Iwaizumi was looking at him, but Oikawa stared up at the tv. “What?”

“He doesn’t seem phased and it’s bothering me,” Oikawa hissed. “It makes sense, because he recovered faster than me, but man, it makes me mad. Just give me something, a flash of pain in his eyes or something but fuck no. He’s just…just...”

Oikawa clenched his fist, punching his thigh. “Just there.”

“That’s…” Iwaizumi’s voice sounded confused. “Of course, he felt something. No way is he just fine. He might look like it. You know he was never especially expressive.”

“Pfft,” Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi in annoyance. “He can be pretty expressive when he wants to be, trust me.”

A blurred memory of the visible anger, and painful sadness so vividly painted on Kageyama’s face flashed before Oikawa’s eyes. The was he looked at him as he gave him that stupid keychain, the way his blue eyes seemed so alive, filled with something vibrant, when he came crying to him after he found out what happened. The way he cried, the way he fell off Oikawa’s bed in laughter once.

He’s practically seen Kageyama in ways no one else probably did. It’s obvious in the way Iwaizumi felt confused, why Kageyama didn’t look much different. It’s obvious in the way Iwaizumi doesn’t understand why Oikawa is so angry.

Because Oikawa knows, just how emotional Kageyama can get, and seeing him with such stoic face is just- annoying to say the least.

Iwaizumi just stared at him with a weird face, without saying anything. Oikawa got annoyed and kicked his best friend away from him. “Go ahead laugh if you want. Jackass.”

“Oh, no it’s not funny,” Iwaizumi said, looking sincere. Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “It’s… I don’t really know what, but I think it’s beautiful. Honestly.”

“Shut the fuck- “

“-after 10 minutes on the bench, Kageyama Tobio is finally standing up. Warming up in the corner, ready to be subbed into the match. We’ve certainly been waiting to see this youngster’s performance, especially after the incident last year. He looks like he’s ready for some action. Let’s give him a round everybody.”

The commentator’s annoying voice cut in, and Oikawa’s head snapped up to the screen. True to the man’s words, the boy was standing up, stretching his arms over his head. It seemed so surreal, seeing Kageyama’s actual face after all the disfigured images from his nightmares. Yet there he was, on the screen, his eyes bluer than Oikawa remembered.

The brunette felt some strange pull, like a barely noticeable tug. He stood up from his bed, walking up to the tv, his hands at his hips. Observing the way Kageyama walked up on the court, a determined expression on his face. He felt that prickle of annoyance and something equal to anger but much lighter.

It was a fast and quick movement, but Oikawa noticed it almost immediately. Kageyama’s hand came to his right hip, where his soul mark used to be. He touched the spot briefly, before he brought the same hand up to hi lips, mumbling something. It was – ridiculous, and Oikawa didn’t register he himself laid a hand on his own stitched up mark.

The boy’s first serve was violent and too fast. It luckily didn’t go straight out, but it was obvious on Kageyama’s face, that he didn’t want to hit it that hard. Oikawa’s lip quirked up, as he quite quickly realised the boy was just as frustrated as him. Except that the little shit didn’t show it on the outside.

“He’s so annoying honestly that little prick,” Oikawa said, a slightly hysterical giggle underlining his words.

The second serve was as reckless as the first one, and Oikawa’s eye twitched. Why is he so all over the place suddenly? It seemed like the boy had little to almost no control over his strength. Like his mind was a bit fogged up, Or perhaps just not in the game. What a shame it would be, if they lost because Kageyama can’t think straight.

‘Calm the fuck down you fucking maniac,’ Oikawa thought, crossing his arms over his chest, as he watched the game with undivided attention. Kageyama’s serves were so sloppy, he almost went batshit right there.

The fourth one was saved by one of Inarizaki players. It was going fine, throughout the rest of the match, except that Hinata jumped once without hitting the ball, which was absolutely embarrassing to say the least. Kageyama seemed confused from time to time, Sugawara was looking as frustrated as Oikawa felt. He was watching with some sort of agony.

Partly because fuck Karasuno, it was his team that should be on that damn court, and partly because Kageyama wasn’t syncing with Hinata as well as he could. The rest of them seemed fine, but he also sensed some competitive spark between one of the Miya twins and Kageyama. Which wasn’t weird of course, but still.

He didn’t even want to look anymore, as he was sure Karasuno would be defeated.

“That was kind of scary if I’m honest,” Iwaizumi said then, when the judge whistled a time out.

Oikawa turned to look at him; “What?”

“Kageyama’s serve,” Iwaizumi said, tilting his head to the side. “Was it always this violent?”

Oikawa shrugged, looking back at the screen. Why did he feel some strange sense of tiredness all of a sudden? “I don’t know. He’s definitely not in top shape.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Not mine, that’s for sure,” Oikawa hissed.

“Right. Cause you’re totally calm right now. You’re definitely not sending any negative waves over. Nope. Of course not.”

“Dumbass I’m not sending jack shit,” Oikawa glared at his best friend, feeling annoyed. “There’s no frequency on which my frustration could wave on, okay? So shut your mouth.”

“When the fuck will you learn that the mark is not the only indication of the bond?” Iwaizumi responded. “It’s just one aspect. Learn what that means Shittykawa.”

“Shut it.”

“No, you.”

Oikawa blinked, his face expressing the annoyance he was feeling at that moment. Iwaizumi just stared back, and Oikawa felt like he was being mocked or something. “Really? ‘No you’? What are you, five?”

Iwaizumi just shrugged in response. Oikawa felt disgusted and just turned back to the tv. The game was resuming. The twins pulled the wonder duo’s attack sequence, and Oikawa could practically feel the shock he witnessed on the faces of Karasuno players. As much as it was… what, hurtful to see the way Kageyama and Shrimpy’s special move set got stolen so easily, Oikawa felt his lips quirking up in a somewhat mean smug-like smile.

He covered his mouth so Iwaizumi wouldn’t see him. What can he say, he’s still somewhat of a jerk, and that’s something he’s just learned to live with.

Anyway.

Regardless of Inarizaki suddenly gaining an upper hand, Karasuno still made a rebuttal. Obviously, the twins were good enough, to get the right timing and positions, but who else would know how to stop that kind of attack, but the duo who came up with it themselves. It was a satisfying win, and Oikawa realised he wasn’t so mad anymore.

Rather, he felt some strange bliss, when the Karasuno crows won. Like he was…somewhat proud?

Not bad.

Kageyama’s head snapped up suddenly. His eyes glimmered with some strange emotion, as he looked around, searching for who knows what. Oikawa felt so tired suddenly, after watching the match, that he snuggled up between the covers on his bed, as soon as the whistle declared Karasuno’s win. He felt a foreign sense of warmth settling over his heart, and Kageyama’s blue eyes followed him into his dream.

Chapter Text

As soon as they got back to their hotel in the evening, Kageyama ran to his bag, to search for his phone. He cursed as he saw it was dead -damn he forgot to charge the stupid thing- and asked Sugawara for his device. The other boy looked at him weird but lent him his phone anyway. Kageyama ignored the questioning glances thrown his way. Like they couldn’t tell what happened.

He felt it clearly, a subtle pang of that spark that used to annoy him. That was always painful, but he was never before so happy to feel it again. After nothing for the past few weeks, at last he received a sign, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to make sure it was actually what he thought he was.

He dialled the phone number, pacing around the room as he listened to the line ringing. He was tired from the game, the thrill of their win still making his heart fast. He was still in his gym clothes, still wearing his sweaty jersey but that didn’t matter. He felt nervous as he waited for the boy on the other side to pick up.

What if it was a misdirect? What if he just thought he felt something, and it didn’t mean anything, and he’s only making a fool of himself?

His face pulled in a confused frown as the line went dead. He made sure he called the right number, before he tried again, and he only grow more irritated as the guy he was calling didn’t pick up.

“The fuck?” he stared at the phone at his hand in frustrated irritation. Was it not a good time for a phone call, or was Oikawa ignoring him?

Or was he just not awake. And Kageyama was in the wrong. Like Hell, he knows what he felt.

He dialled Iwaizumi’s number after a moment of consideration, resuming his pacing around the room. The rest of his teammates observed him, but he ignored their looks. Does he look paranoid? Meh, who cares.

After ten long seconds of the loud beeping echoing unpleasantly inside Kageyama’s head, a familiar voice finally spoke up.

“Yo Kageyama what’s up?” Iwaizumi  greeted him, his voice sounding a bit strained.

“Hi, Iwaizumi-san,” Kageyama replied. “Are you by any chance-“

“At the hospital? Yes actually. We’ve watched the game by the way, very nice setter dump combo you did there,” Iwaizumi said. Kageyama arched his eyebrow. The other boy sounded like he was in the middle of something. “Very nice block too hah.”

“Ah, thanks,” Kageyama said. “Is this a bad time or-“

“No, no, no. It’s perfect time even, if only this fucker-“ Iwaizumi cursed. “A moment if you will.”

“Um-“ Kageyama looked at Sugawara over his shoulder.

Why did it seem like Oikawa didn’t want to speak to him? Are they back where they were, when Oikawa kept a painfully obvious distance between them? Why does this have to be so difficult?

He felt another, vividly painful prickle at his side.

Kageyama could tell Iwaizumi handed the phone over to someone else. He could hear his hushed whispers in the background, sounding a bit angry. In all honesty, Kageyama could relate to a certain degree of the boy’s anger. Oikawa’s pettiness was really a pain to deal with sometimes (most of the times honestly).

However, he waited patiently, until the phone was handed to the other person in the room. He heard some shuffling, and low mumble of that familiar voice he missed.

He waited another moment, before he spoke up: “Oikawa-san?”

A beat of silence passed. “Hm.”

It felt like the stone that has been clenching Kageyama’s heart cracked. He felt that sharp spark igniting, as soon as he heard the low hum of Oikawa’s voice. He pressed his hand to his chest, trying to get his stupid heart to slow down.

He took a breath, to calm himself down, before he spoke up again. “Oikawa-san, hi.”

“Yes, hello,” Oikawa’s voice was kind of rough. Perhaps his throat was sore since he was asleep for so long. For so long, Kageyama started thinking most dreadful thoughts about what possibly happened-

Ah. He’s starting to panic, when really he should be happy. Because Oikawa is awake, Oikawa is alive, he’s fine. They both are, and that’s what matters.

“How kind of you to finally reach out to me Tobio-chan,” Oikawa said as Kageyama stayed quiet. Like a dumbass he can be sometimes. “Little shit. Truly makes a man happy.”

Kageyama’s eyebrow twitched in mild irritation. He could also feel it like a forming headache at the back of his head. Was that a normal occurrence?

“What?”

“What, what?” Oikawa’s voice was strained. “Don’t give me that shit-“

“I’m sorry but I didn’t know when you were going to be awake?” Kageyama glared ahead of him, feeling irritated. “I mean I knew you weren’t! And I have tournament right now man, I was on the court!”

“I know, I know,” Oikawa sighed. “I’m being salty right now. Because I am irritated, and annoyed. Why? Beats me honestly.”

Kageyama hummed. “You are… okay though?”

“No, I am in tremendous pain,” Oikawa said, his voice serious. “And it’s your fault Tobio-chan.”

Kageyama turned to exchange a worried look with Sugawara and Tsukishima. They were observing him from the floor throughout the conversation. Sugawara arched an eyebrow in question, Kageyama shook his head.

He was… he felt fine. He didn’t feel any pain, spare for that time, when he suddenly surged awake, sharp, stinging pain slashing across his body. Like something slashed across his body with sharp claws. A painful cramp got a hold of him, and he could barely keep himself from yelling out from the pain.

It came out of nowhere, making his head spin, before the pain left, and he was feeling okay again. His scars tingled a bit, and he felt another sharp sting in the middle of this match today. He recognized what it was, later, when he realised the pain was actually very familiar. Various emotions spilled over him, from confusion, to happiness, some anger and irritation- all of it.

He was okay now. Oikawa… Oikawa wasn’t?

“What… what do you mean by that?” he asked quietly, after a dreadful moment.

Oikawa cackled in his ear. “What, you’re saying you don’t feel it?”

Fuck. Should he? Is it happening all over again, except their roles are reversed now? Is Oikawa in pain, as he himself feels nothing? Is it all gone, completely?

Surely, that’s not- it can’t be –

“I…don’t,” Kageyama felt his eyes stinging. “How bad is it?”

“So bad, I can’t even breathe,” Oikawa said. Sounding fine, he wasn’t wheezing or anything, his deep voice didn’t give any indication he might actually be feeling in cramped pain in that moment. “What a shame. Seems like something broke for real huh – ow! Iwa- chan what the fuck-“

Kageyama felt light pang at the back of his head. Like someone’d slap him from behind. He turned around, noticing there was nothing but a blank wall behind him. his heart picked up the beat once more.

“Oikawa-san, did Iwaizumi-san just hit you?” Kageyama asked hurriedly.

“Eh? Yes he did that motherfu- ow, ow! Stop it Iwa I swear to – Ow! Fucker-“

“No cause I feel that too,” Kageyama said, wincing slightly. It didn’t hurt so much, but a fraction of pain was evident at the back of his head.

“You…you what?” Oikawa’s voice was weird.

“I can feel it,” Kageyama said, rubbing his head. “That Iwaizumi-san hit you, I mean.”

Oikawa was quiet for a moment. A long, dreadful moment, in which Kageyama breathed too fast, his heart beating like crazy. Ah, he wished he could be with the brunet right now. He hated not being able to see the boy’s face when they were talking. He could lie on the phone, say whatever he wanted, texted him sentences he didn’t mean. He could fool him with his fake happy voice, and he could fool him with his facial expressions.

But Kageyama could now tell, when the boy was not being sincere. All it took was a glance in those brown eyes, and he could tell.

His heart clenched painfully, as he realised he missed the boy. So fucking much, he could feel painful tears welling up in his blue eyes.

“Oh. That’s… very fucking nice to hear actually,” Oikawa said then. “I mean, not that you can feel how bad it hurts because Iwai-chan is such a fucking brute- Do not!”

Kageyama’s mouth quirked in a small smile as he listened to his soulmate and his best friend arguing. The familiarity of Oikawa’s pettiness was truly calming for some reason.

“But it’s just the fact you can cause…well… yeah you know,” Oikawa said after a moment.

“Mhm,” Kageyama nodded, his fingers pressed to his lips. Ah, he wanted to kiss the boy again. He wants to kiss him so bad, it’s crazy.

“Yes, well unfortunately, that’s going to have to wait my dear Tobio-chan,” Oikawa’s voice was soft.

Kageyama’s face heated up. ”Huh? I didn’t- “

“I heard it.”

The boy took a deep breath, as he sat down on the floor, pressing his slightly feverish back to the cold wall. “Fucker. Stop listening.”

“Hah, it was more of a feeling actually,” Oikawa said. “I don’t think the whole thing is back yet. Might not be actually. We’ll see I guess.”

Kageyama hummed. “Right.”

They got hurt so bad. By this point, it was actually but a miracle that they still had the link between them. Kageyama is not stupid, he’s well aware of how high the stakes were. He can still remember how heavy Oikawa’s body was as he-

Ah. It happened. It won’t do him any good to think about it.

“By the way Oikawa-san,” Kageyama spoke up. “How long are you awake for?”

“Hm… I don’t know four, five days perhaps.”

Oh. Oh, he was right-

“Long enough for you to contact me you little shit,” Oikawa got mad again. “And yet absolutely nothing! Nada, yada, jack shit!”

“Okay, wait a second Oikawa-san-“ Kageyama’s eyebrows furrowed.

“You know, it truly made me think it was all gone like that, poof,” the brunet’s voice was strained. “The realisation that I was the only one bothered by this made me feel incredibly better as well by the way. Ah, such joy I felt- “

“I was bothered!” Kageyama raised his voice. “And I did contact you! You never answered any of my texts jackass!”

“Hah! Did you really?”

“Yes! I texted you almost every day and you did not respond to a single one! And I called like two days ago, and today too, and you did not pick up!”

“Right-“

“Plus, you could contact me as well! Why is this lack of communication my fault?”

Oikawa was quiet for a brief second. “That’s because… my phone got…dislocated.”

Kageyama was so irritated. Why was Oikawa always looking for way to rile him up? “You’re telling me you lost your phone? That’s your excuse?”

“I seriously do not remember where I put it. You see I was kind of in a coma for a while? A long-while even. Do not hold it against me.”

Kageyama rubbed his hand across his hot face. “You are so annoying.”

Oikawa was silent for a beat. “Perhaps. You love me though.”

Kageyama’s heart was trashing around in his chest. Beating rapidly and wildly, almost painfully. Oikawa truly can get under his skin. “It so happens that I do. What about it?”

“Heh. Nothing.”

Kageyama felt foreign warmth spreading around his heart. Hot but not unpleasant. It was strange yet it felt familiar and nice. Like his aching heart was being enveloped in a tight hug. How bad he wished he could hug Oikawa in that moment.

“But um,” he started after a while. He was getting tired, since the game surely did wear him out. He needs to be well rested for tomorrow’s game. “You woke up on Tuesday, right?”

“Uh… Yep. Why?”

“At 2.am?” Kageyama looked at his teammates. They were reviewing the recording of the game.

“Hah. Spot on. Did you feel it?”

“Hurt like a bitch.”

“Likewise. Anyway, I think you should go get some rest now. Or else you will be exhausted tomorrow, and you’ll play badly and it’s going to be embarrassing –“

“Did you watch the game today?”

“Nope.”

“Liar.”

“Bleh,” Kageyama could picture the man rolling his eyes. “Why are you even asking? Silly boy.”

Kageyama sighed. He liked the way he could speak so comfortably with Oikawa. He thought he heard the man’s voice during the game, and he thought he was just losing his mind. He thought he was just so stupidly in love to the point of being delusional.

It was no secret, that he really was, actually in love that badly. But the fact it wasn’t his wishful thinking calmed his aching heart.

He said goodbye to Oikawa, and just before he ended the call, he heard the boy say: “Good game Tobio. You played well.”

The boy almost exploded with euphoria.

He was restless throughout the night. He was torn between wanting to go back to Oikawa and keep playing on the tournament. He wanted to get far, at least to the semifinals, but the longer he’ll play the longer he’ll be away from his soulmate. Each option seemed to have painful consequences.

He thought he heard Oikawa’s soft whisper as he fell asleep, dreaming about the boy with brown eyes.

Chapter Text

“This is fucking ridiculous. Why am I here?” Oikawa said out loud, on purpose. Because it was stupid, he felt ridiculous standing there in the large white room, with at least 10 other hospital patients.

He wanted to be discharged and go home already, but the doctors suddenly prescribed him physical therapy for two weeks. Physical therapy, like he was operated on. Physical therapy like that one time his ankle gave out, and he had to do some workouts each day to get it back to working properly.

Except that there was nothing physically wrong with him now. His body was fine, he was not in any pain whatsoever. He wasn’t impaired so why the fuck was he supposed to have physical therapy now?

“Your bond heavily relies on the physical factor,” the doctor said. “During your recovery we have to make sure your bond is able to rebuild, and that means some different procedures. And physical therapy is one of them.”

“Yes, but why the fuck- “

“Because Oikawa, without it, your bond might not rebound,” the woman arched an annoyed eyebrow. “And I’m sure you don’t want that.”

It did not make any remote sense, but apparently, he was the only one who thought so. Iwaizumi came each day, to drag him down to the room the therapy was happening in. His mother made him promise he’d attend the exercises. And who is he to go against his mother?

“Right?” a female's voice replied. “Ridiculous indeed. It’s not like we already majorly fuck up.”

The brunet looked towards the female beside him. She looked up at him, offering her hand. “Nanaba Shiro.”

“Tooru Oikawa,” he accepted the handshake.

He knew every person in the room had something bad happen to their bond. It was like some silly group for broken people with fractured bonds. Pain was evident everywhere, and as he looked into Nanaba’s eyes, he could see some of the pain vividly reflecting in her green eyes. He didn’t want to impose, so he didn’t ask. Because he did not want to tell her what he did.

He doesn’t want to listen to anyone’s sob story because his is bad enough. and if he happened to initiate a conversation with someone who was on the different end as him, it could end bad. It could get pretty ugly, and the whole stadium seeing what he did to his soulmate was fucking enough.

“So,” the girl was still looking at him. he prayed she didn’t hear about the incident few months ago. “Yours is also physical?”

“Yep.”

“Mine’s broken completely,” she said then, looking away. “Shattered to pieces. He’s doing fine though, which is funny.”

Oikawa knew he should be quiet, and just nod and agree. Smile and nod, the best strategy when one doesn’t know what the fuck to say. But he was somewhat curious. He forgot curiosity killed the cat.

“He broke it?” he asked casually.

She laughed, but the sound was lacking the humour. She looked at him, her eyes dark and empty. “That’s the thing. I don’t know. I didn’t go to do the procedure, and neither did he. It seems like we’re just…not compatible.”

That was… slightly terrifying. He never heard about the bond braking on its own, due to the people not being compatible. Sure, that’s why the people went to get the surgeries done – because they thought their chosen one was not it.

But this was…something else.

“You’re saying the bond broke off on its own?” the brunet inquired.

“Yeah,” the girl nodded. “Scary, isn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Oikawa replied, nodding slowly.

The physical therapists then entered the room and called them all up to the front. The boy wondered, how many people in here were the same as him. How many of them attempted to do the same horrible thing as he did.

“What about you?”

Ah.

He looked at the girl with a blank expression on his face. He told himself he won’t lie anymore, and he should face the consequences of his actions. Getting hate for it is some of the consequences he’ll have to face whenever someone asks about their bond.

“I broke it before he even knew about it,” he said, his voice dark.

She blinked. “You- “

“Mhm,” he rolled his shoulders crossing arms over his chest. “I used to hate that little shit.”

The doctor was talking something, giving out instructions. Oikawa was not listening, because he just couldn’t really care. This whole thing was nothing but stupid, and he didn’t want to be there. How are physical exercises going to help his situation?

They won’t really.

“Huh. And how did that work out for you?”

Oikawa didn’t look at her. “Badly. I was incredibly close to death once.”

Is it weird, that talking about it made him feel a little bit better?

The girl didn’t ask anything else throughout the therapy. He didn’t think much about it. He booked out of there as soon as the hour was around, feeling … yeah not better really. He couldn’t understand what the doctors were thinking, since this was a problem he could only solve himself with Kageyama. No one else can help them, not even Iwaizumi or that Shrimpy or any other weird medium. No one but themselves can fix this.

And he was willing. He was more than willing actually, but why the fuck, was he supposed to do some silly ass workouts? Because his bond is heavily affected on the physical aspect?

What a joke.

He endured it, for about half a week, before he just couldn’t stand the feeling like he was being subtly mocked. He packed all of his things that Iwaizumi and his mother brought over, discard hospital clothes and dress his own. He was getting out of that building no matter what, because he was actually going more or less insane.

He argued with the doctor and after she gave him another check-up, he was set free. He still had to attend those stupid therapies. Nanaba gave him a fist bump in greeting each time, with a strange smile. Oikawa was uncertain about it. He was not sure what the girl’s actual intentions were.

“So, what changed?” she asked him one day, when they had five-minute break.

The exercises actually tired some people out and Oikawa was not sure he was even supposed to be there. Maybe it was because he couldn’t tell any difference.

“Nothing much,” the brunet responded. “You?

“Nope,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders. “It just hurts from time to time, and sometimes it’s worse. Can I ask you something?”

Ah. Of course.

“Sure,” Oikawa said, looking away from the woman as she sat beside him.

She observed him for a moment, before she said: “I don’t mean to prude or anything. I am simply curious. If you knew this would be the outcome would you do it again?

Was Oikawa imagining it, or was there a speck of desperation in her voice? Who knows, he actually can’t think as fast as he used to. Perhaps because the telepathic link is slowly coming back and just like the first time it activated, that little shit going by the name Tobio cannot keep his stupid thoughts quiet.

It’s funny though, how much that guy thinks. Oikawa took him for a complete airhead.

He looked at Nanaba with a rather indifferent expression on his face, without saying anything. The girl maintained the eye contact as she asked: “Do you regret it?”

“Ain’t that a question,” Oikawa managed to respond after a while. Right before the next stupid exercise started.

No one actually asked him that before. Kageyama wanted to know why, Iwaizumi just punched him. his mother cried, and his sister had similar violent reaction to Iwaizumi’s. No one asked, if he’s having second thoughts.

The most reasonable response should be that yes, he does. No, he wouldn’t do it if he could revert the time.

Right?

And he actually wouldn’t. Naturally. But he was never thinking of Kageyama, it was aways his own persona he was thinking about, when he had a spark of a thought to break this bond between them. It was never about Kageyama, since he didn’t even care, if the guy will feel the consequences of his silly mistake or not.

He didn’t answer to Nanaba, and he refused to show his face in that facility after that.

Kageyama still wasn’t back from Tokyo, and he wasn’t that bothered. He still couldn’t vividly feel the boy’s link but eh. It was the fact, that his mark is gone, and some aspects probably got deleted along with that. He’s just thrilled, that he didn’t fucking die.

He could just absolutely perish and how embarrassing would that be? Like Hell.

His teammates shared the sentiment as they all jumped on him, hugging him as soon as he set his foot in the gym. It was nice in a way, but the way they all reacted so dramatically was really – nothing else but annoying. Matuskawa and Hanamaki started wailing, Kindaichi and Kunimi had teary eyes and God damn. Since when did all of them turn into such cry-babies?

“Motherfucker shut the fuck up,” Iwaizumi punched him, as he said that out loud. “We all saw you fucking die. So don’t even- “

“Die? Please Iwa-chan, don’t be dramatic I am alive and well so -ay do not!” he blocked Iwaizumi’s punch, as the boy attempted to throw another fist his way.

It was a heavy topic. He knew that, and that’s exactly why he didn’t want them to make such a fuss about it. He wasn’t being insensitive or inconsiderate, it’s just that… well. He doesn’t want any additional reminders really.

The atmosphere shifted soon enough. in fact, it was almost ridiculous, how fast the shift happened, and just how more absurd it got.

“By the way Oikawa-san,” Kunimi said suddenly, his voice still a bit shaky. Oikawa never thought he’d see this boy so unnerved. “Kageyama already agrees with letting me and Kindaichi be his best men on your wedding so what are your thoughts on a set of crystal wine something glasses?”

Oikawa blinked. “What- “

“Did he actually agree though? What about that Shrimpy bro? Or Tsukishima?” Kindaichi arched an eyebrow.

“I didn’t hear no objections. Did you?”

“Right,” Kindaichi pursed his lips.

Oikawa blinked again. “You brats what the fuck?”

Matsukawa snapped his fingers in Kunimi’s direction. “Yo dude, that’s actually a good idea! That totally fits for a wedding gift. What are we gonna get my beloved?”

Hanamaki shrugged. “Dude my head is empty right now.”

Oikawa stood there in pure confusion, not really sure what he’d think about the conversation happening in front of him. But he let them, since he could tell this whole thing took a tool on all of them. Just like Iwaizumi told him once, this didn’t affect just him and Tobio.

They obviously slacked off when he was gone, so he decided to do some intense training session. Maybe it was out of spite, that he had them run 35 laps and do 25 reps of squats and push ups in 3 sets, and then some drills. Maybe, because they started talking shit so comfortably in his presence, that he had to remind them, that he won’t let that shit slide.

When Iwaizumi talks shit it’s significantly different though.

“So, how did that therapy go?” Iwaizumi asked him on their way home.

Oikawa made a face. “It didn’t help in any way whatsoever. All of the folks there had it significantly worse than me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah man,” Oikawa huffed, as he remembered Nanaba. “Terrible shit man. And there was this girl, whose bond got broken on its own. None of them did anything, as far as I know, but apparently it just fractured on its own.”

Iwaizumi made a face. “That’s kind of- “

“Right?” Oikawa’s facial expression matched to his best friend’s. “Apparently, they weren’t compatible. It’s funny though, cause that lady back then said that’s not a thing. Makes me wonder you know.”

It was a terrifying thought, but Oikawa didn’t think about it too much. Because he was fine and so was Kageyama. Well, he partly dreaded seeing that guy in two days but whatever. There’s nothing else that could happen to them, that would make their situation worse than it already is.

He was still required to attend those stupid therapies. He didn’t want to, since there wasn’t much that could help him, and he didn’t feel like wasting his time. It was useless.

Yet, that silly physical therapist had other thoughts, but what does he care? At the end of the day, it was his own thing. His and Kageyama’s.

He tried feeling for it, when he was laying in bed at night. With his eyes closed and with his headphones blocking the noise. That was actually one of the methods the doctors used before. Oikawa didn’t like it, since he got reminded of his horrid nightmare, everything time he ran out of thoughts. Every time his mind got a bit slow, his own sadistic smile glared back at him, and he couldn’t even sleep.

He still didn’t talk to Kageyama about this. If he had these dreams or not. And he was more or less dreading to.

And he couldn’t. there was this numbing warmth, and that was it. Some prickling at the back of his head, but that could be just a forming migraine. Nothing useful, nothing worth feeling.

Nothing familiar, nothing that felt like Kageyama.

He sighed, rolling over, dropping his face into his pillow. His phone buzzed after a moment, and he blinked his eyes open as he reached for his device.

23.23 Cant sleep?

He made a face at his bright screen. Was he being shut out again?

23.23 Oh my, look who’s up after their bedtime! Naughty Tobio-chan ( * ﾉ ∀ `*)

There was something healing about acting in such a silly way. He knew he was annoying, that this was not how a soon to be 20-year-old should behave but spare him. He has been through some intense emotional pain, and that shit took a massive strain on his poor human heart.

23.23 Bruh tf u mean bedtime?? I aint got no such thing

23.23 And stop with this silly ass faces

23.24 Don’t you have to be up early tomorrow? You’re still watching the rest of the tournament, no?

It was bad. They lost because little Shrimpy caught fever. The disappointment was immeasurable, and Oikawa could see and more or less feel the way Kageyama’s heart broke a little. Oikawa’s first instinctive reaction was to laugh. Giggle like a lunatic, and Iwaizumi looked at him so darkly, Oikawa literally shivered.

Was he an asshole for that? Perhaps. Does he care?

…

Well, here’s the thing. The little Shrimp annoyed the hell out of him. He tried sabotaging him, and he still didn’t even come forward to actually admit to all the shit he’s been doing. Cause just occasional poking wasn’t all. No way was that everything. Guilt was so obvious in his brown eyes, and the way he cowered behind Kageyama’s back whenever he saw him was more than an obvious indication of how guilty the guy felt.

So, serves him right to be the downfall of Karasuno.

On the other hand, he might have wanted Kageyama to win. Might. A part of him still had it in him to feel some sort of twisted satisfaction, but well. He did try killing his bad parts, but he could still hear a venomous whisper in his own voice at 3 in the morning.

So.

Whatever. He’s a prideful guy, he can’t really just let it go and poof, all problems shall be gone. He’s trying though.

23.24 And stfu you use them too you little shit

23.24 I do not

23.24 Plus no I kinda don’t want to anymore. Thzey all suck ass and Im tired

23.24 *They

Oikawa hummed to himself. That was an interesting discovery.

23.25 Wow. Such criticism (*/ ▽ ＼ *)

23.25 And don’t you dare say you don’t send those cause I’ve got screenshots. Nothing wrong with kaomoji my boy

23.25 Fine. I yield ( ； ⌣ ̀_ ⌣ ́)

23.25 And Oikawa-san have u seen them? Like, I srsly cannot believe half of those mfs made it this far. Smh

Oikawa arched an eyebrow. Something must have happened, since Kageyama sounded sort of salty. He learned to understand the constant moodiness the younger boy was in most of the time, but this was…

Something else.

23.26 Sure. And yet I didn’t get anywhere near the Tournament. That’s saying something though

23.26 Yeah. That those coaches suck ass. You are literally the best among the best so idk wtf went wrong there

23.26 Perhaps you should switch teams ( ◕ ‿ ◕ ✿ )

23.26 You little shit. You do know that pretty much sounds like you’re doubting me rn   ( 눈 _ 눈 )

23.27 Eh? No that’s not it??

23.27 Not you talking shit about my team – consequently about my leadership skills   (*´ ∇ `) ┌θ ☆ ( ﾉ >_<) ﾉ

23.27 No I didn’t mean it like that????

23.27 Right

23.27 No fr!

23.27 ( ＾ ▽ ＾ ) っ ✂╰⋃ ╯

23.27 〣 (ºΔº) 〣

Oikawa smiled to himself. He really, really liked this relaxed version of Kageyama. Tobio that didn’t really care what he said, no matter how bad or mean it might seem. Tobio who wasn’t looking at him like he was scared he’ll break his nose, Tobio that actually showed another face when he was with him.

Perhaps he grew a bit soft. Maybe, Kageyama really moved something withing him. He was terrified of that, that he’ll have to change to be someone good for Tobio. That he’ll have to put on another mask of his, and fake pretend into this relationship.

Luckily, Kageyama already knew how mean he can get. He was well aware how bad and ugly Oikawa can get, and he still said things that the brunet’s ultimate hater would never even dream of saying. Someone who’d hate him definitely wouldn’t think about kissing him, right?

Oh man.

23.27 Btw how is that therapy working out for ya?

23.28 Useless. You actually have to come with me the next week. Max three times cause that’s the most I am willing because it does not work, and I hate it there

23.28 Damn

23.28 Why tho?

23.28 What why?

23.28 Like why do you hate it? Because it doesn’t work or what

23.28 That and everyone there is in pain and it’s not good for me yknow

23.28 Huh. I don’t wanna go either. Lets just not go screw that we can totally do something else imo   (((o(*° ▽ ° *)o)))

23.28 Like?

23.28 Idfk rollerskate??

Oikawa grimaced. What the hell was that suggestion?

23.29 Tobio are you okay?

23.29 No actually

Oh. Oikawa’s hunch was right. Something was bothering his soulmate.

23.29 Figured. What’s wrong my beloved?

23.30 (/ ▿ ＼ )

23.30 What. Use words you little shit not the time to be cute

23.30 Respectfully I aint wanna say it cause youre gonna laugh but Im in pain because of it

Oikawa felt a slight twinge of alarm as he read that text. He really was right once more. Something really was disconnected, and he can’t tell what. It was a given actually that something will always be a bit impaired and that there’s no way their bond will be wholly healed. A shame, and Oikawa knew it was his fault, but what can he do now?

He can only try to awaken the most of it back.

23.30 I promise I won’t

23.31 Nah, nah u definitely will. Cause its embarrassing and I cant even see you rn and theres no way of telling what your reaction will be

23.31 I hate it

23.31 Just tell me

Few dreadful minutes passed, in which Kageyama refused to text him. Oikawa patiently stared into his phone, watching the text bubble appear and disappear. If it was anything really bad, he would have felt it. So maybe, Kageyama was just a bit dramatic, after he got so exhausted from the games.

23.36 I am hankering rn („• ᴗ •„)

Oikawa stared into his phone for a moment.

23.37 You’re fucking what

23.37 I am hankering someones presence rn and I am feeling heartsick

23.37 Tobio what the fuck

23.37 Yep. Its bad man  

Oikawa rubbed his eyes. He felt slight tingling at his temples, and some pressure on his chest. He didn’t understand what Kageyama wanted to say. It was a pretty late hour, and he didn’t think the boy will suddenly pull some weird ass word out of nowhere so suddenly.

23.38 Again. What?

23.38 You know what hankering for something means no?

23.39 Tobio. Spare me. Please. My head is about to start hurting

23.40 No way me too wow \( ★ ω ★ )/

23.40 Tobio

23.41 I am feeling homesick. For a person. And it’s physically making me sick.

Oikawa felt his lips stretch in a smile. Ah, right. So that’s what was bothering that boy.

23.41. Aw Tobio! You need no such fancy big boy words to tell me you miss me! ♡ (>ᴗ•)

23.41 Stop (° ㅂ ° ╬ )

23.42 Adorable. I am screenshotting this

23.42 AYO! YOU SAID YOU WONT LAUGH

23.42 I am not. I am currently smiling like an idiot. An idiot you made me into and this foolish behaviour I am showing rn is your fault

23.42 Fine by me. It wouldn’t be fair anyway

23.43 Hm?

23.43 Nothing. Can we go roller skating or ice skating or something dumb when I come back?

23.44 Sure. Why skating though?

23.44 Idk. Its dumb. We never did anything dumb together and doing something dumb is a must when it comes to bonding

23.45 Said who?

23.45 Yours truly ofc

23.46 Right. Go sleep now Tobio-chan. See you in two days ♡ ～ (' ▽ ^ 人 )

23.46 Bet. Sweet dreams Oikawa-san preferably dream about me haha bye (´ ∀ `) ノ～ ♡

Oikawa might have screamed into his pillow after that. He truly became a shell of a man he used to be, because of this silly boy that flipped his heart inside out.

Chapter Text

Oikawa looked up at Kageyama as the boy walked over to him, dropping on the floor beside him. “And? How was it on your end?”

“Why are we here Oikawa-san?” Kageyama said, his voice a bit grumpy. “Like we could be skating right now. We could be looking at the ducks, we could be throwing bread to said ducks, why are we here?”

The boy was annoyed from the moment the therapy started. As soon as he set his foot into the clinic and the nurse logged him into the system a frown settled on the boy’s face.  Oikawa felt a little bit nauseous which was probably Kageyama’s grumpy influence. He could understand why Kageyama was feeling so bitter about the whole thing.

For starters, Oikawa wasn’t happy about it either so naturally he’d also be cautious about this. Oikawa’s mistake honestly so really, he can’t blame anyone else but himself for that one.  

There was also the possibility that Kageyama was a bit more sensitive to all the vibes and aura in the place. Oikawa just didn’t feel comfortable, and maybe Kageyama could feel something else.

“Because we are supposed to – “Oikawa started, rolling his eyes.

“My ass. This sucks ass everyone is only feeling sorry for themselves and those three girls over there are looking at me like they expect me to start crying and throwing up. I hate it. And the exercises are useless,” Kageyama said, leaning against Oikawa’s back. “We could do all those stupid ass exercises at home. Like I do not need this doctor here telling me to hold your hand. Here- “

Kageyama reached for Oikawa’s hand, wrapping his fingers around the older boy’s palm. “Wow. That’s such a great exercise. Ain’t it, Oikawa-san?”

The brunet craned his neck, looking at the boy over his shoulder. “Wow there Tobio. What made you so mad?”

“What didn’t is a better question,” Kageyama responded. “We could be looking at ducks. Why are we not looking at ducks?”

“I thought you wanted to go skating?” Oikawa said, looking at the doctors on the other side of the room from his peripheral vision.

He wasn’t being observed so much when Kageyama wasn’t attending the therapy with him. He felt like they were scrutinisingly staring at them from the moment the therapy started. It was not a nice feeling, and if it was just a feeling, it would be fine. But he caught them pointing at them, writing notes as they stared some more multiple times in the first half an hour.

He’s always put on the damn spot. Like he didn’t already know that they’re not doing as good as they should.

Kageyama sighed. “Yeah. I don’t know. We can just look at ducks. That’s pretty dumb too, no?”

“I guess. Ducks are cute though.”

“Mhm. Cuter than those three women for sure. And the tallest doctor is always looking at me and I swear if he comes towards me one more time, I will not be responsible for injuries,” Kageyama said sourly.

That was –

“Okay listen here,” Oikawa pulled on the hand Kageyama’s been holding. “The fuck happened? Did someone say anything or what?”

Kageyama let himself be pulled. “It’s not like they said it, but they’re all thinking something mean. I can tell I can feel these uncomfortable vibes around here. So can we just leave?”

“Uncomfortable vibes?”

“Like you can’t tell,” Kageyama huffed. “They’re all so miserable it’s sad.”

Oikawa hummed. “There’s nothing we can do about it though. And besides I did say I’m willing to go three times tops cause I am also losing my shit.”

“Who said we have to be here anyway?” Kageyama said, playing with Oikawa’s fingers in his hands.

“The doctor- “

“Piece a shit- “

“- and my mother. So really, I- “

Kageyama suddenly straightened up, pulling his legs to himself, fully turning to face Oikawa beside him. The brunet could quite vividly feel the change in the atmosphere.  “Your mother said we have to?”

Oikawa stared at the other boy. “Yes, but what- “

“Oh man, now we must see this shit through,” Kageyama said.

Oikawa did not understand what his mother saying they should take these therapies had anything to do with this. Another exercise was testing their connection once more and it was anything but pleasant. They all had some patches sticking to their backs, and occasionally those patched would get a delivery in form of electricity, which would then send a very pleasant electric shock through their body.

What was being tested? Pain tolerance and aspects of physical connection. And Oikawa hated it.

Why?

First of all, that only confirmed his suspicion. That Kageyama felt something he didn’t – meaning the last snap that happened quite possibly damaged their bond significantly. More than he initially thought. And that realisation sucked pretty bad. Considering the fact, he didn’t feel anything when Kageyama got the shock, and the fact their bond was supposed to be physical, this was a clear indication that their bond could just be gone.

With the mark being just another scar, and this connection gone, Oikawa felt a punch to his heart. He couldn’t even fake it, that he sensed something, because he couldn’t tell when the shock came. He could only see it on Kageyama’s face a second later as he scrunched his pain in discomfort.

The second thing, why he absolutely hated this experiment, was the way it actually fucking hurt. The electric shock was unpleasant, and it made Oikawa’s body shiver slightly as a response to the stinging, prickling pain at his lower back. And if it hurt him that much, when he was shocked, just how badly did Kageyama feel that?

Because the boy winced whenever it was Oikawa’s turn. Meaning, he could feel it when Oikawa was in pain, and Oikawa couldn’t feel it when the other boy was.

Great.

He did not like that discovery. The doctors noticed that as well, and they only turned up the decibels. Oikawa only got angry in the process, and of course, of course, Kageyama could feel it. And it came to the part where Kageyama’s presence was not helping.

Fucking. Hell.

It was bad, and it was horrible, and Oikawa didn’t even know how to label this. A wreckage? Last fracture? What even was this bond between them now? It wasn’t whole, and he thought there was enough of it. He used to think it was more than he could handle, more he could bargain for, but alas it was actually less.

Way less than he wanted, way less than he thought he managed to save.

He was pondering about it on his own at first. Reading about any post breakage syndromes that occur, anything that could help him to understand what was actually going on. But there was not much, that he could learn. Since most common occurrences after breakage was death, pain and depression. And with that depression came some suicidal tendencies and severe mental issues and the more he was reading about it, sicker he felt.

How could he be so dumb? He was lucky, that he wasn’t suffering from paranoia or depression or anything worse that could occur. Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia the list went on and on. And all just because a person lost his soulmate.

Hah.

If he actually thinks about it, it makes absolute perfect sense. Why one’s mind would warp and darken with all those sick thoughts. He was on the verge of it, right after the second time he got fractured. He was already detaching from himself, becoming a lifeless man, a shadow of a boy he used to be and God damn. If Kageyama was not as stubborn as he is, who knows where Oikawa would be at this moment.

Asylum or something equally horrifying.

And how does he even go about explaining this to Kageyama? They still didn’t have a proper conversation about this because Oikawa had been stalling, because he doesn’t know how the fuck to start such a conversation.

How can he really?

When he was leaving the therapy one day, Nanaba said something to him, that just didn’t leave him alone, ever since he heard those words. It only made him spiral further in his increasingly darkening thoughts.

“It’s not really fair, is it?” the girl said, her eyes glimmering with tears. “That you get the happy ending, and I don’t. You actually wanted your soulmate out of your life once. You said so yourself, that you used to hate him. I never hated my soulmate, so why am I without one, when you never wanted it?”

Oikawa did not have an answer to that. She didn’t want him to, as she just squeezed his palm in hers before she walked away.

He never actually thought much about that; how other people really thought of his actions. He knew it was bad, but this opened a whole new page. It brought a whole new set of doubts to him.

They were in Oikawa’s back yard, late in the evening when the brunet couldn’t keep the thoughts to himself anymore. Kageyama was younger, he was not the brightest, so the brunet was not even sure he’ll understand what he was trying to say, but he can’t just not speak up. This matter affected both of them so really.

“Tobio,” he called the younger, suddenly.

The boy was tossing the ball to himself, and Oikawa observed him. The younger was saying something, speaking to him but Oikawa did not catch a single word he said. When Oikawa suddenly interrupted, he glanced his way, immediately noticing the serious expression on the brunet’s face.

“What?”

Oikawa motioned for him to come and sit beside him. Kageyama did so, without any caution whatsoever. The brunet looked at the other, silently looking at the boy’s blue eyes for a moment.

“Tobio, would you say…” Oikawa scrunched his nose as he thought of a proper way to phrase the question. He should be as direct as possible, or else the younger won’t understand. “Would you say we’re fine?”

Kageyama stared at him, twirling the ball in his hands. “Yeah? I mean we’re both alive, so I think we’re doing okay.”

“Really?” Oikawa pondered.

“What does fine mean then?” Kageyama asked.

Ain’t that a fucking question.

“I’m not sure,” Oikawa responded, still looking at Kageyama. “But it’s not whatever this is.” He motioned between them.

Kageyama fully turned to him then, looking confused. “And why not? What are we then if not fine? I feel fine.”

Oikawa sighed. Were they talking about the same thing? “Are you actually content with how things are right now?”

Kageyama blinked. “Yeah? Are you not?”

“Not in the slightest,” Oikawa said.

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure I follow. What are you saying exactly?”

“Can’t you tell?” Oikawa replied, in slight frustration. “That there’s so much missing. It’s so frail and weak I can barely feel it sometimes. And back then, when we were doing that physical connection test, it all clicked. Just how bad it really is, and there’s nothing I can do about it apparently. Because I tried, I really did, but try as I might, I just can’t seem to make it better.”

“I knew that you couldn’t feel any of that shocker thingy,” Kageyama said. “That doesn’t mean anything though.”

“Yes, it fucking does, Tobio,” Oikawa turned to the boy, grabbing the younger’s hand. “We were supposed to have physical bond or something. And now that aspect is gone. The major aspect of our bond is gone, do you understand what that means?”

Kageyama stared at him. “I think. But still Oikawa-san, we were both aware this thing is damaged. We just didn’t know how bad.”

“Right,” Oikawa said. “And you’re fine with that? With this being broken beyond fixation?”

“Who said- “

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? Our healing factor is broken, Tobio.” Oikawa said, seriously. “How do we recover from that?”

Kageyama pursed his lips. He looked down at their hands. “I don’t know. I know even less than you, since I never… no one ever especially explained this whole thing to me.”

“Your mother never told you any stories or anything?” Oikawa asked, his hold on Kageyama’s hand softening.

“Nope,” Kageyama shook his head.

“Huh. Well – “

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama interrupted. “I know that you feel bad about what happened. I’m not feeling great about it either. But that happened, it’s done and over with it, and we made it through. That’s already pretty cool to me, since one of us was actually supposed to die. And yet we didn’t.”

Oikawa noticed how calm Kageyama actually was. He was always bitter and a bit sour whenever he tried talking about this, and Oikawa talked over him, avoiding the topic. He thought he’d be more annoyed, especially after…

Well. That.

“And it sucks, it does, that the breakage on your part is a bit more damaging than mine. But I think this goes both ways, and that my ability to hear and feel your feelings got reduced,” Kageyama said. “Which sucks ass because I was never able to decipher you based on your words and face alone and now, I can only feel when you’re in pain, or when you’re extremely happy or sad and I hate it.”

Ah. He didn’t think about that.

“It’s not like I can read you any better,” the brunet said, arching an eyebrow. “You used to always be grumpy and frowning, how was I supposed to tell anything from that?”

“You can hear my thoughts, can’t you?” Kageyama asked.

“I can feel your thoughts that’s different- “

“Still. I can’t do that.”

“And only when they’re about me, or if you’re intending to think them towards me,” Oikawa said, leaning over to the younger. “So, I think both of us have it hard.”

“Fair enough,” Kageyama sighed. He pushed Oikawa’s fingers apart, interlining them with his own. “We are not dead though. So, I would say we are fine.”

“Right – “

“I did say I am willing to forgive you,” Kageyama said then, looking into Oikawa’s eyes. “And that’s not because you’re my soulmate. If it was just because of that, and I felt some obligation to do so because you made an effort or something, I wouldn’t do it either.”

Oikawa hummed in acknowledgment, pulling the boy to himself.

“And you wouldn’t do it out of obligation either, would you?” Kageyama said, leaning closer, his shoulder pressing against Oikawa’s.

“No, I wouldn’t,” Oikawa said, his voice soft and quiet.

“Then?” Kageyama tilted his head to the side. “Why are you so hung up about the painful parts? Are you a masochist or something?”

Oikawa blinked. That brought his nightmare right back to his head, and he shivered slightly. “Oh no. I was told I’m a sadist though.”

“You are though,” Kageyama said bluntly.

Oikawa hummed, tilting his head to match Kageyama’s line of sight. “Perhaps I’m a little bit of both. What about it?”

“You’re many things I can’t even find all the labels for you,” Kageyama said, his blue eyes glimmering.

Oikawa had that thought; how vividly pretty Kageyama actually was. With his soft baby blue eyes, round cheeks. With evening light of setting sun throwing soft shadows over his face, making his eyes look bluer. God damn it. He became so soft over the last year, and because of this boy in front of him.

Who would have thought that Oikawa could fell in love so fucking easily? Especially when he didn’t really mean to. He wanted to make sure Kageyama won’t attempt something that could compromise him forever, and that was it. He wasn’t planning to stare at the younger with a violent urge to press a kiss on the boy’s lips. He didn’t mean to make his own heart ache like this.

He screwed himself over twice.

“Hm, really?” Oikawa said.

Kageyama nodded. The brunet raised his other hand, brushing his fingers through Kageyama’s hair. “Then pick your top three.”

He could feel a glimpse of something in that moment. Soft warmth around his heart, as he stared at Kageyama’s bright eyes. Something nice and pleasant at the back of his head. He couldn’t explain, he didn’t know what it was, but it was nice.

“Huh,” Kageyama was looking at him with undivided attention, as he shuffled closer, throwing his right leg over Oikawa’s. “Top three you say?”

“Mhm.”

“Annoying, irritating, mean- “

“Oh, come one now,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Not the top three most common. Give me three nice labels.”

“Next time you got to be clearer,” Kageyama said. “That’s very annoying trait of yours, talking around the edges.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Do not- “

“Another label: liar.”

Oikawa flicked Kageyama’s nose playfully. “Tobio. Three nice labels.”

Kageyama’s fingers tightened around Oikawa’s as he leaned against him. He stared up at Oikawa for a moment, his eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips, before settling on the boy’s brown eyes again.

“Handsome,” Kageyama said.

Oikawa nodded, bringing his hand up to the boy’s cheek. “Alright.”

“Unfairly talented,” Kageyama said.

Oikawa hummed.

Kageyama stared at him, his face inching a bit closer, his right hand leaning on the stair beside Oikawa’s thigh.

Oikawa pressed his lips together, as his thumb brushed across Kageyama’s lower lip. “And the last one?”

They were close enough, that Oikawa could just tilt his head towards the younger, and their lips would touch. Their last kiss was that painful kiss, before Oikawa fell unconscious. Quite a pitiful kiss, and a sad excuse for it. It’s a shame that that was their first one.

Kageyama’s eyes were bright and clear, as he was looking up at him. with that star struck gaze that used to annoy the living Hell out of Oikawa. “Pretty.”

Oikawa’s lips twitched in a soft smile. “I’ll take it.”

It was like they both were thinking about it, and it was the next step, a reasonable conclusion, depending on their circumstances. Kageyama was already pressing himself forward, as Oikawa leaned down to press his lips to Kageyama’s softly and gently.

There were no tears, no blood, nothing that could make the kiss bitter. It was nice and sweet, slow and soft, but God damn, it wasn’t enough. A kiss is one of the most obvious indications for Oikawa to show Kageyama just how much he cares. That he’s taking this seriously, despite damaging it so much. Despite causing so much pain, that he acknowledges it.

He pulled Kageyama against him with his hand at the back of the boy’s neck, as he deepened their kiss, just like the last time. It still felt surreal, having the younger’s body so close to him, the boy’s lips on his.

Kageyama’s arms wrapped around Oikawa’s shoulders, as the burnet pulled him forward in his lap. He returned the kiss with fiery eagerness, his hands wrapping around Oikawa’s neck, his legs circling around the brunet’s waist. Oikawa embraced him in a tight hug, as he kept kissing the younger, with feverish lips until he couldn’t breathe.

Kageyama pulled away, breathing heavily, as Oikawa pressed another kiss to the boy’s neck. “God damn it. How did you learn how to do that?”

“What? Kiss?” Oikawa mused, looking at Kageyama with arched eyebrows.

Kageyama nodded. “Why are you so good at it?”

“Natural talent,” the brunet winked.

Kageyama flicked his nose. “My ass. How many girls did you kiss before me?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes, his arms tightening around Kageyama’s waist. “I kissed absolutely no one the way I kissed you. That’s all you need to know.”

Kageyama stared at him for a moment. Oikawa could feel the boy’s rapid heartbeat, the rhythm following his own. “Damn. I’ll take it.”

Oikawa chuckled softly. Kageyama leaned forward, pressing another quick kiss on the boy’s lips. “You know, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“There was… you remember back then, when I told you I have something important to tell you?” Kageyama said, his hand reaching up, twirling a strand of Oikawa’s brown hair.

The boy arched an eyebrow. “Like I could forget that.”

“Yes, well,” Kageyama made a face. “I… there was actually something else I wanted to tell you. Not that, but um…”

“What was it then?” Oikawa tilted his head to the side, looking at Kageyama’s slightly feverish face.

The boy was quiet for a moment. The brunet could sense some vague nervousness now, and he arched an eyebrow in question.

“I…um…” Kageyama stared at him, his thumb brushing over the pulse point on Oikawa’s neck. “I mean you already know now but actually- “

“Know what?” Oikawa interrupted.

Kageyama’s cheeks flushed. “You know what I’m talking about!”

“How could I? Your mind is being awfully quiet right now,” Oikawa said, his voice soft.

Kageyama sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He took a breath, before he grabbed Oikawa’s face with both of his hands. “You already know that I love you. right?”

Ah. Those were really nice words. Words Oikawa never thought he’d want to hear from the boy that is currently sitting in his lap.

“Yes,” Oikawa said, his voice slightly muffled, since Kageyama was squishing his cheeks.

“And I think I heard you saying you love me, and you kissed me twice and I can tell that you do actually love me,” Kageyama said hurriedly.

Oikawa knitted his eyebrows. “Wait a sec- “

“So, I actually had a thought,” Kageyama talked over him. “Back then already, before any of this happened. Before you broke my heart and before I might have done the same to you and you just fucking died on me cause you see, it was no secret that I liked you long before you even actually looked my way.”

 For some reason those words somewhat hurt.

“Tobio- “

“Do you want to know what I actually wanted to ask you that day?” Kageyama asked, his voice hurried. His tone rushed, his face adorably red.

Oikawa blinked, before he nodded slowly.

“I wanted to ask, if you would be willing,” Kageyama said, taking a breath. “Ifyou’dbewillingtosealthebondwithme,” he said hurriedly, too fast for Oikawa to comprehend the words.

However, despite not being able to decipher the words, Oikawa could understand exactly what Kageyama wanted to say. He wrapped his fingers around the boy’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face so he could actually speak.

“Tobio, hold on a second- “he started but Kageyama wanted to speak over him again.

“It makes perfect sense to me so anything you say, if it’s not backed up with some really smart argument, like some fancy words I do not understand it’s pretty much irrelevant,” Kageyama said. “So, choose your words wisely, Oikawa-san. “

Oikawa’s eye twitched. When the hell did this guy get so cunning?

“Wait. Wait,” Oikawa tightened his fingers around Kageyama’s wrists, feeling the rapid heartbeat beneath his thumb. “Slow down for a second. You’re telling me you wanted to suggest we seal our bond?”

Kageyama nodded. A bit too eagerly.

“Okay. But do you know how that’s done?” Oikawa asked carefully.

Kageyama blinked. “I’m sure it can’t be that hard- “

“Tobio.”

“Is it painful or something? I do know that is a big deal, but when I asked Tsukishima about, he just gave me a weird look and said that I should just talk to you about it,” Kageyama said.

So awfully innocent, Oikawa wanted to scream. It felt like Kageyama was selectively deaf or something. But Oikawa didn’t think about the way bonds get sealed and all that either so really, who is he to talk. But he knows now, and he’s-

Hah.

“It uh, can be painful, yes, depends how you do it,” Oikawa said, feeling his body heating up at the thought of it. Ah, damn it. “But um. Well, it’s different for every type of bond, you, see?”

“Right,” Kageyama nodded.

“And physical is well…physical,” he said, emphasizing the word, so Kageyama could understand without him actually saying it.

He forgot Kageyama is simpleminded when it matters the most. The adorable idiot.

“Okay that makes sense. But like what, a hug? A kiss? The one with tongue and all that you almost choke or something?” Kageyama said, arching an eyebrow.

Oikawa laughed. “Haha. Fuck, no. It’s not that simple. Well, it is, but it requires some technique for sure.”

“You said that like kissing with tongue doesn’t require no technique or skill. I for sure know that I can’t fucking do it,” Kageyama said, narrowing his eyes.

Oikawa sighed. He would never think he’d have this type of conversation with… literally anyone. His life really became a rollercoaster in a span of few months.

“No,” Oikawa said slowly. “I am not exactly sure of all the way you can seal a physical bond. But one of them involves a lot of touching.”

Kageyama pursed his lips. “How much touching are we talking here?”

“A whole lot.”

“Okay. That really narrows it down for me,” Kageyama said cunningly.

“God damn it Tobio- “

“Just tell me then. I told you that I don’t know man!” Kageyama said, his voice pitching high.

Oikawa tugged on Kageyama’s wrists. “Sexual intercourse,” he said bluntly.

Kageyama stared at him for a second. Then, his face got redder, and he yelled: “You’re telling we have to fuck- “

“Ay, ay, ay, shut it,” Oikawa pressed his hand against Kageyama’s lips. He glared at the boy: “Don’t fucking yell Tobio. Geez. And yes, that’s one of the possible ways to do it. And I don’t think it’s the right time for us to do it.”

Kageyama frowned, pulling Oikawa’s hand away from his lips. “Why not? It’s not like you’re going to be with anyone else but me?”

“I know but still- “

“Like, you won’t do it with anyone else, what’s the problem?” Kageyama asked. “You do want to seal whatever it’s left of the bond, right? In fact, it might even help you know, like heal some shit or something.”

Oikawa pulled Kageyama’s face down to his. “I want to. I do. But we are not doing that because you are a minor Tobio. You are not even 18, like hell are we doing that.”

Kageyama scrunched his nose against Oikawa’s. “But… it doesn’t matter. To me.”

“Tobio. You do realise, that bonded people and those empaths can tell, when someone’s bonded, right?” Oikawa said.

“And?”

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my teammates and Shrimpy or Sugawara knowing what we did. When you’re only 16,” Oikawa said, calmly, even though his heart was beating wildly and painfully inside of his ribcage.

“Then we find another way,” Kageyama said quietly against Oikawa’s lips. “If you’d like.”

“That’s fine by me,” Oikawa said, his voice matching Kageyama’s.

The younger boy then pushed forward, pressing his lips to Oikawa’s, as his arms wrapped around the brunet’s body. Their hearts were beating against each other, as Kageyama pressed himself as close as he could, while his lips occupied Oikawa’s.

This kiss was much softer than the previous one. It was still filled with warmth of love and hidden need. Perhaps Oikawa liked this one the most.

“By the way Tobio,” Oikawa said, when they pulled away. “I don’t think we can have you keep calling me Oikawa-san.”

“Eh? Why not?” Kageyama was leaning against him, his cheek pressed to the boy’s shoulder.

“It’s too formal is it not? I think you should call me by first name,” Oikawa said, as his fingers brushed through Kageyama’s black hair.

The younger was quiet for a moment. “No. I think it’s fine.”

“Nah. You can’t call all of us Oikawa-san you know. how will I know you’re referring to me?”

“Obviously I will look at you when I’d refer to you and not your father.”

“No good. I will not respond unless you call me Tooru,” Oikawa said, his tone playful.

“I refuse.”

“Come on. I’ve been calling you by your first name for as long as I remember.”

“That’s only because you’ve been mocking me,” Kageyama mumbled.

“Touché,” Oikawa sighed. “Try at least. You can keep the honorifics.”

Kageyama was quiet for a long moment. “Nah. I cannot.”

“Tobio-chan come oooon- “

“No. I can’t seriously, I am unable to- “

They were bickering for a while, until Oikawa’s mother called them in for dinner. Kageyama’s face was a bit red, as he stood up, pulling Oikawa along. The brunet discovered that he quite liked the contrast of the boy’s red cheeks against the bright blues in his eyes.

He felt a bit lighter after this pleasant moment they had. But as he looked up the skies were dark, and some of the lingering doubts still clouded his mind. Was he thinking about it too much? Or was he focusing on all the wrong things?

Chapter Text

Kageyama was pushing the whole sealing the bond thing. A bit too much, a bit too eager, and Oikawa could understand why if he’s honest. Really, sealing the bond is the next most obvious step, but why did it seem like the younger didn’t get the whole significance of it? Despite having said they should look for another way, he always circled back to... well it.

And Oikawa gets it. He does. Kageyama is a teenager, his hormones are going wild, and all of that stuff that has to do with his body evolving and all of the nonsense that’s part of maturing, along with dirty thoughts and wet dreams , but God! He didn’t think the younger would actually be into it. Like, Kageyama actually said it, out loud, multiple times that they should just do it and get it over with.

And judging by the very fuzzy feelings that suddenly swarmed Oikawa at 3 in the fucking morning sometimes, he could tell Kageyama was already imagining some explicit scenarios. Again, he can’t be mad because he understands. He might have thought about it, he might have entertained the idea of some more than just casual skin ship, but he forced his brain to stop the trail of thought immediately and he started thinking of what a great time he’ll have when he leaves for Argentina in few months.

And when he started thinking about that, mixed feelings of joy and some sadness washed away all the lewd thoughts he might have had. Because leaving for Argentina meant leaving Kageyama behind. Which could be… bad.

Bad for the bond, and even worse take on his very fragile heart. He’s at this point where he can’t lie to his own face anymore. He will miss the boy so much. Too much.

But in the end, he has to do something for himself. He just doesn’t want to be entirely outshined and brushed away as Kageyama’s great senpai and nothing else (not that anyone else but Kageyama refers to him as such). So, he has to put himself first for a while.

How the fuck should he tell that to Kageyama though?

“What is the point of a surprise birthday party, if you are already aware it’s going to happen?” Kageyama asked.

He was originally sitting on the couch beside Oikawa, but in half an hour, he ended up sprawled over the older boy, with his arms around the guy’s middle, his head on the man’s chest, so he could listen to the beat of Oikawa’s heart. The brunette had one arm propped up on the armrest, and he was mindlessly brushing through Kageyama’s black hair with his other one. They weren’t doing anything actually, but Oikawa didn’t feel that bored.

It was Wednesday, July 19^th. Kageyama has been with him from Monday evening, as Oikawa more or less forced him to come for a longer sleepover because he was bored. They weren’t doing much, but Kageyama had some weird personal challenge going on, which had something to do with him latching onto Oikawa every chance he got. In the morning, he hugged him from the back, during lunch or something that required sitting, he’d press against him, he’d casually locker their elbows. Or, if Oikawa was laying somewhere, he’d just throw himself over him.

Oikawa was not complaining though.

“Eh,” Oikawa’s fingers tangled in Kageyama’s hair. “I’ll still act surprised.”

“You mean, you’ll fake being surprised?” Kageyama’s voice was slightly muffled.

Oikawa snorted. “What do you mean? They’ll come barging through the front door. That’s pretty surprising, even if you know about it, no?”

“I suppose. Why do you know about it though?”

“Like they can hide it from me.”

He saw the group chat notification on Kageyama’s phone. Kageyama’s password is literally combined of their jersey numbers, so Oikawa didn’t need long to unlock it. He didn’t snoop for long though, because in the end, he’s curious to see just what clown show his friends will deliver him. And of course, Iwaizumi was acting weird. So Oikawa did some casual basic math.

“Hmmm. Ominous.”

“Oh wow, what a big word -ow!” Oikawa huffed as Kageyama elbowed him in the stomach. “Ow! Ay why so violent Tobio-chan?”

“You are mocking me. Stop being mean to me, or I will get even more violent with you,” Kageyama said.

“And you dare call me a masochist? Ay, ay, AY Tobio that’s- ow! I yield stop, stop!” Oikawa wailed, as Kageyama repeated his move from before.

The younger untangled himself from the older boy, and pushed himself up, glaring down at the brunet. “Why are you so set on annoying me today? Does it have anything to do with your age?”

Oikawa blinked. “What?”

“Like you’re turning 20 tomorrow. Does the lack of 1 in your digits bother you that much?” Kageyama asked, earnestly. He tilted his head to the side. “Are you feeling old?”

Oikawa stared at Kageyama, feeling conflicted. What the fuck was that question? “Old? Why would I feel old?”

“I dunno. That’s why I asked you. You’re a certified adult now, ay?” Kageyama said bluntly.

The brunet didn’t know what to think, so he settled on a confused frown. He raised his hands, pinching Kageyama’s cheeks. “How dare you! I am barely 20 that is nothing! And you are only three years younger than me, how dare you call me old, a?”

“I didn’t-“

“Have some respect towards your senpai! You little shit!” Oikawa said, faking an annoyed voice as he pulled on Kageyama’s cheeks.

The boy winced, and Oikawa slumped back against the couch a moment later. Things have been okay, but why does he have this ominous feeling, that something bad might happen, just as he’s… feeling somewhat fine? He’s probably just feeling paranoid for no reason whatsoever.

Except.

That he’s been very careful lately, you see? He knows what Kageyama is doing, that he’s getting braver, and growing more and more comfortable with physical touch and all that. And really, Oikawa has been actively searching for a way that they would just tie all lose ends and bam – they will actually be bonded, everything is fine, they live happily ever after and all of that crap. But their relationship is only one of the things Oikawa has to think about, and so far, Kageyama’s is one of the stable things he definitely sees in the future.

He already came to terms with that, that this boy is never going to be out of his sight anymore for as long as they live but-

There’s still this aching gap between them. Which he probably won’t get over himself any time soon, because the bridge is not really built. And he won’t build it himself, because at the end, this whole thing was so painful because of the one thing they had in common. And Oikawa’s pettiness and his spiteful pride but really, he wouldn’t have reacted like this if Kageyama wasn’t-

Ah. It’s useless to think such things, but honestly, that’s what’s making Oikawa’s head swarm with bitter dark thoughts. After everything, he just can’t seem to be able to let go and that’s it. Perhaps a bit childish of him. that’s probably why he still has those nightmares, why he sometimes feels a prickle of something dark and bitter in is heart occasionally.

But as he was looking through, scrolling through media, asking around his friends (that was actually the most useless of all of it. Matsukawa and Hanamaki didn’t have anything especially useful to tell him) he stumbled upon a certain thing, that made him incredibly angry. And that is, one of the most stupid side effects of too early soulmate bonding, which he doesn’t even remember hearing about from literally fucking anyone but according to dr. Sylvia whose article he read it is actually becoming a major problem and a reason why the bond might not be properly sealed: separation anxiety.

Yeah.

Like when one adopts a dog as a puppy, leaves him alone for the weekend and the animal is on the verge of dying when they get back. Causes intense emotional distress and can evolve into attachment issues.

He laughed at the silly article like a maniac, because it was just so silly to him. To think that separation anxiety could be another problem for them, since Oikawa will be pretty far from Japan for at least 5 years. His psychotic giggling went on for few more minutes, hell it might have even been half an hour, and Takeru looked at him with a slightly frightened look on his face, since Oikawa’s been laughing to himself, on the sofa for far too long to be considered normal. But his giggling died out a little bit after he imagined Kageyama actually having separation anxiety. But it was still funny to him, so he giggled once more.

He then proceeded to read the comments and his smile dropped once more. He wasn’t one to disregard mental issues or anything that has to do with these things, but it was… to be honest he can’t tell why he thought the separation anxiety occurred as funny to him (because he was thinking of it as the case with the newly adopted dogs. That’s why. He just failed to make the connection at the time) but as he read some of the comments, a frown settled on his face.

Apparently, the development of separation anxiety is one of the mild things that may occur if the bond is sealed too early. Especially is one of them leaves the other for some time, and fuck, that’s literally what Oikawa will do! It’s not like he’s leaving Kageyama – he’s not leaving him behind, because Kageyama is catching up to him way too fast. But there might be some time, when Kageyama might suffer symptoms.

Hell. He might develop something himself at this point!

That’s why he’s been putting it off. He’s been actually putting off both of the things: telling Kageyama about the scholarship, and why he doesn’t want to push it too fast.

“And when are you planning to tell him?” Iwaizumi asked him.

Oikawa was sitting by his desk, looking at the email he’s actually been looking forward to. He was actually pretty excited about it, and only when Iwaizumi asked that stupid question, did he get a bit bitter about it.

“Eh.”

Iwaizumi whacked him upside the head. “What do you mean eh? You don’t plan to stall do you?”

“What do you mean stall?! Of course not! I am leaving as soon as I can,” Oikawa glared at his best friend.

“Oh yeah? Just like that?” Iwaizumi crossed his arms over his chest.

“Something like that. Yes – ow!” Oikawa whined as Iwaizumi hit him once more.

He turned in attempt to glare at his best friend, when he saw the dark expression on the man’s face. “You didn’t learn anything did you?”

Oikawa scrunched his nose. “I will tell him when I get the chance to okay? No need to nag me about it. Or hit me. That’s really mean, why are you always so damn violent?”

“Violence is my love language.”

Oikawa pursed his lips. “Damn. I already feel bad for your significant other oh my- ow! Seriously stop it!”

Iwaizumi kicked him in the ankle. “It was a joke. You dumbass.”

It was an eye opener perhaps. but every time Oikawa wanted to start the conversation about their future, and all of that, his tongue suddenly tied, and the words got stuck in his throat. He can’t really say why he suddenly can’t say anything. Why he’s being hesitant about this.

And now Kageyama is catching onto the fact he’s feeling somewhat down about it. He’s not overthinking this is he?

Kageyama sighed. “Alright then. If you’re not suddenly feeling old and tired, what is it?”

Oikawa turned over, squashing his cheek against the cushion of the couch, his right hand falling off the couch. “Nothing much man.”

Kageyama huffed, before he pressed his body against Oikawa’s back. “Right. You know, even if my sensibility for your feelings got a bit downgraded, I can still tell when you’re stressed. Or whatever.”

“Ah. Is that so?”

“Mhm. So tell me.”

“Adult problems.” He craned his neck, looking at Kageyama over his shoulder, arching his eyebrow. “Kids like you, with 1 in their number of age could not comprehend.”

Kageyama blinked, his face changing expression from an offended one to adorably confused face the moment after. “Could not what?”

Oikawa pursed his lips. Right. Kageyama’s vocabulary was not as wide and expended as his own. He forgot about the impact the age difference between them has. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

“What?” Kageyama stared at him, narrowing his eyes. “Why are you being like this again? Just tell me, didn’t I tell you how annoying it is, when you do this?”

“Mhm, but your confusion is so adorable to me you see,” Oikawa winked at him. “How could I possibly resist the opportunity?”

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “Ha ha. You said you won’t do it anymore! You promised even.”

Oikawa hummed. “True. But it’s… well not the right time to talk about it.”

“Why?”

I don’t fucking know –

“Because I don’t know myself how I should feel about it. So before I tell you, and you get mad, or I get mad, I need to think about it.” Oikawa said, laying his head against the couch again. “So yeah.”

“Oh,” Kageyama rolled off the couch. “So it really is a problem adults have? Leave me out of it then.”

Oikawa glared at the younger boy. “Hey! What the hell Tobio?”

Kageyama stood up, stretching his arms above his head. He looked at the brunet on the couch with an innocently blank expression on his face. “What? I still got that 1 digit! I’m being reasonable right now, so you really should think about it before you talk about it to me ay? I might get annoyed if you phrase it wrong.”

The brunet pushed himself up, suddenly feeling like the younger boy was pulling some weird psychological trick on him. “Wait a moment –“

“Now let us go cook dinner for I am starving!” Kageyama just turned, and hopped his way out of the living room, leaving Oikawa to stare after him like an idiot.

The way Kageyama brushed it off so fast was definitely strange and why did Oikawa feel so annoyed all of a sudden? Because Kageyama didn’t poke at him more? He was glaring at the direction in which Kageyama disappeared for a moment before he felt his cheeks heating up as another thought crawled into his head.

This wasn’t the younger being dismissive, this was the younger showing Oikawa, he actually trusts him now. He didn’t catch anything bitter from Kageyama.

He pressed his face to his pillow, silently screaming into the fabric, as he felt the urge to kick his feet for some weird reason. (He didn’t do it though, because damn him, if Kageyama catches him fussing over something like this.)

~

Kageyama suggested they go out for a walk after dinner. The hour was pretty late, since they were stalling literally everything they’ve done throughout the day. They were asleep until 11 am, they attempted to do some tosses from 1pm to 3pm which was not that successful because it was too hot outside and Oikawa felt like he was going to melt. Then Kageyama managed to convince Oikawa’s father to grill barbecue for lunch, and then they watched some random movie in the afternoon.

Oikawa does not remember what the fuck the movie was, but it was lame. It was some romance or something like that, because the female and male lead kissed five times throughout the hour and a half long movie. He wasn’t actually following the plot, but Kageyama got mad every time the kiss happened. Oikawa’s sister was watching with them, and she had the very same reaction.

He later realised there were two men after the female lead and that Kageyama was rooting for one of them.

After that, his sister went with his parents and Takeru to swimming pool, and him and Kageyama stayed at home. Doing the very same thing they did throughout the day: nothing.

So it struck Oikawa strange, that Kageyama wanted to go out now.

“It literally 10pm Tobio-chan why,” Oikawa rubbed his eyes. “We can just watch another movie or an episode of that show, and then go to sleep-“

“No. It doesn’t matter how late it is. It’s fine. But I want to go out,” Kageyama said firmly. He was sitting across from him, looking at his Uno cards.

They’ve been playing this game for two hours now, and every time Oikawa tried to hint at the fact they should go do something else, or maybe just straight of go to sleep, Kageyama looked at him as he shuffled the cards once more. Oikawa really didn’t get it, why he was stalling now of all times.

“Why?”

“Because. Now come on, one more round.”

“No. I am tired of this game. Tell me why you want to go out after dark,” Oikawa said, taking the cards Kageyama gave him anyway.

“Do I really need a reason?” the boy said.

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “Of course you do. No normal teenage boy would want to randomly go for a walk after dark without an actual reason. So spill.”

Kageyama stayed quiet. And beat Oikawa at Uno for the third time in a row. But well it wasn’t a fair game, because Oikawa wasn’t actually playing. He was tired from doing nothing all day and he was getting tired just by thinking of going out, so really, he let Kageyama win. Like a gentleman he is.

He is no sore loser.

“People are usually asleep by midnight you silly!” Oikawa hissed at Kageyama when they were actually on this weird midnight stroll.

Kageyama held the brunet’s hand in his, and it seemed like he was leading the brunet to a specific spot. And Oikawa didn’t have any other choice but to follow. He still didn’t quite understand how he was swayed that easily, because he was regretting it that moment. Was it because he got so soft?

“We’ll be back soon Oikawa-san don’t worry,” Kageyama said.

“Of course we are,” Oikawa huffed. “Where the fuck are we even going?”

“Somewhere.”

What a great answer.

They strolled around for few minutes in comfortable silence, until they got away from the streetlights and the buildings. There was a playground nearby their middle school, and once they walked past it, Oikawa already knew what the younger was getting at with this whole stroll after dark thing. He pursed his lips in amusement but didn’t say anything to sour the mood.

They sat on the swing set, and Oikawa looked up to the night sky.

“The stars are awfully bright tonight,” the brunet said, his voice soft.

“Mhm,” Kageyama was also looking up, somewhat mesmerised expression on his face.
“It’s pretty.”

“Mn.”

Oikawa pushed against the ground, swinging himself. It was somewhat peaceful, and strangely comforting, to be outside with only dim light from the streetlights on the other side softly illuminating the playground. He didn’t go out to specifically stargaze before, but it was a nice experience. Especially because Kageyama was on the swing beside him, looking at the same piece of the night sky.

Suddenly, a wave of some strange nostalgia washed over him, and Oikawa frowned at the suddenly heavy feeling in his chest. He glared up at the stars on the sky, like the way they were aligning had something to do with his sudden bitter mood.

He wanted to say something stupid, so Kageyama couldn’t tell he was suddenly feeling sad for some reason, when the boy’s phone buzzed. He looked at his screen, and Oikawa frowned, now very obviously not hiding his annoyance.

“Who the hell is calling you at his hour ay?” Oikawa said, swinging.

“No it’s not that.” Kageyama said. He suddenly turned towards the brunet, and without a proper warning reached forward to grab the older boy’s hand.

Which was not the best idea, because Oikawa was mid-air in the moment, and when Kageyama suddenly pulled him that cause the brunet to fell forward. Luckily, he had fast enough reflexes, so he ducked when the swing swung over his head, so he didn’t get hit. Kageyama followed up , holding up his hand to stop the swing from swinging at both of them once more.

“Tobio what the fuck you should have warned me you-“ Oikawa was ready to be annoying, as he turned over. Leaning on his elbows, he attempted to push himself up.

Kageyama didn’t let him though, as he pushed the brunet down, pressing his palm against Oikawa’s chest. “What’s the point then? I was going for the element of surprise.”

Oikawa felt himself blush as Kageyama leaned over him. The boy’s fingers wrapped around Oikawa’s wrist, his knee pushing between Oikawa’s legs. His face was too close to the brunet’s their noses almost touching.

“Knowing you’re about to be pulled of the swing and then trampled to the ground is surprising even if you know about, no?” Oikawa said, his voice quiet.

“Sure,” Kageyama’s eyes glimmered, as he tilted his head to the side. “Then what about the dramatic effect?”

“Hah,” Oikawa shuffled a bit. He did fell pretty hard after all, and laying on the pebbles was not exactly pleasant. “You get the points I yield.”

Kageyama didn’t answer to that. He stared at Oikawa for a moment, before he checked his phone for a brief second – in which Oikawa might or might have not thought about kneeing the guy in the stomach because hello, were they or were they not having a moment and he’s looking at his damn phone?! – before he glanced back to the brunet once more.

“Tooru-san,” he started, looking directly at Oikawa’s brown eyes. It was dark, but Oikawa could still see the slight flush on the boy’s cheeks. “Happy birthday.”

Oikawa’s heart fluttered for some silly reason, and before he could say anything, Kageyama leaned forward for the last few inches that separated them and pressed his lips to Oikawa’s. He kissed him softly, sweetly, and even if they didn’t kiss that much, since the brunet could count the number of times, they’ve actually kissed on the palm of one hand, it was familiar. Kageyama got better at it, and the kiss didn’t feel so rushed as it did the first few times.

It once again felt like the time stopped for a brief second, and for a moment it was really just the two of them under the night sky. Kageyama’s fingers brushed over Oikawa’s wrist, his palm, until his fingers interlocked with the brunet’s. It was also such a familiar move, the way their fingers intertwined like puzzle pieces. Something warm and fuzzy enveloped Oikawa’s steadily beating heart, and all of the prior annoyance and strange sadness got washed away by this warm sensation.

He felt lighter in that moment, like some light flickered inside of his chest, and all the ugly shadows that were still inside of his heart got washed away by the ray of light. It was a strange feeling, unlike anything he felt before.

Kageyama let Oikawa take one shallow breath before he kissed him once, this time a bit more intently their before. He pressed himself closer, as he deepened the kiss, and Oikawa felt Kageyama’s heart beating against his own chest. He tightened his hold on Kageyama’s hand letting himself get lost for that fragment of a moment. Even though they’ve done this before, this kiss felt somewhat special. Perhaps because of the starry sky above them, or the soft wind brushing over them. Whatever it was, it made Oikawa feel incredibly happy, fuzzy and ridiculous, and he smiled into the kiss.

Perhaps he was a bit desperate lately. He didn’t dare to initiate any make-out session or anything, but ah. Was he actually thinking about it. Maybe he himself was more desperate than the younger boy.

Kageyama pulled away after another moment, his breathing heavy. Oikawa regretted they were outside now, since he couldn’t see the boy’s face that well.

“I wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday,” Kageyama said, suddenly somewhat shy.

God damn it! What would Oikawa give to see the boy’s face clearly right now!

“Mmm, I see.” Oikawa’s lips pulled in a soft smile. “I have to say, this was a pretty nice gift.”

“Really?” Kageyama’s voice was a bit strained.

“Mhm,” Oikawa tilted his head forward slightly, his nose brushing against Kageyama’s. “Definitely one of my favourites so far.”

Kageyama stared at him, biting on his lower lip, before he leaned forward once more, pressing another kiss to Oikawa’s lips. Oikawa felt another wave of those warm fuzzy butterflies swarm over his weakened heart.

He felt so insanely happy in that moment. Like all the pain he felt so far was worth for this single moment, when it was just two of them, and nothing else mattered. Perhaps it was a sugar-coated thought, because sometimes he forgets just how horrible it was, the whole process of them coming to where they are right now.

But when Kageyama kissed him like that, it really didn’t matter, and nothing hurt in that moment.

Chapter Text

Hello everyone!

It has been, what, a year two since I had last written anything for this particular work of mine. It's insane how fast time flies. I did say I will end this work, simply because I don't like to start things I don't finish. I am sorry to say that I did in fact forget about this for a while because of things going on irl - college fucking sucks y'all. It's absolute scam would not recommend - and I thought to myself that I should get my shit together.

And that meant: finishing what I fucking started. I had a major issue with this little thing called: art and writing block (my degree is gonna be art education bruh sucks as fu-) for... the last two years. And I prefer quality over quantity (which is awfully funny for me to say considering the lenght of this and... the way it's going XD) so I didn't force write anything.

However!

I remembered this as I started writing other things. And I went to check this. Immediately I recalled all the ideas I had regarding fic and how much fun I had writing this. I know, that I been promising more and NEVER DID IT!

HOWEVERPT.2!!!

I will be continuing this now. Simply because I want to, vecause I said I will properly wrap this up and cause I ain't no damn liar! I'm a talker! Yeah! And this year I'm also a doer! With HQ movie being released, I decided I'm gonne do what brings me joy! Write this silly story! Writing fanfictions is also a great writing practive! gotta get the cringy writng out before the good writing style develops yknow buahaha lmao

AFTER -

I fix the earlier chapters. Cause holy shit there were quite a few a lot even spelling and spacing mistakes. I shan't have it! So. I'll fix the earlier chapters that were awfully written for shits and giggles (literally). Then I'll start to continue the story. At least one chapter a month. I promise!

For real this time!

Chapter Text

Kageyama actually felt happy. Really and truly happy this time. The concept of happiness seemed unreal to the kid, at the start of this year. It seemed unreal on his 16^th birthday. At one point he did feel like his whole world was about to crumble, and he was sure he saw mister Grim Reaper at least once. When he found out about what Oikawa did, he felt the horror at the realisation he might not actually be truly happy ever again. The way he held the brunet’s limp body in his arms made him think he’ll only be feeling grief, regret and pain. Loss at the Nationals added some salt on top of the old wound.

However.

Oikawa woke up. The Grim Reaper left without reaping.

Despite the slight tingle in his half- deleted soul mark, the occasional echoes of the brunet’s voice in his head, the headaches that follow, despite the pain and all the misery, despite the fact he lost at Nationals, he was fine. He was okay, great even. He was alive, and he was happy. This was one of the few times, since his 16^th birthday – which was arguably the worst one yet, and the worst one it’ll ever be- that he actually felt really happy. Even a little fuzzy or giddy inside.

His heart was finally beating steady. He had no lingering dark thoughts, or regrets. Sure, he had nightmares that leave him with a sore throat in the morning. But the doubt, the doubt about him and Oikawa, was finally truly and utterly go-

No. No it was not.

Kageyama was sitting at the table beside his soul mate. With his cheek propped up in his hand, he was leaning his elbow on the table, observing Oikawa, as the older boy – now a man more likely, due to the lack of 1 in his digit – accepted gifts from his teammates and friends. It was the 20^th of July, the day of Oikawa’s birthday. The surprise birthday party was going great so far, and Kageyama also had fun. He first thought he was going to hate it, but it was actually quite relaxed and calm atmosphere. If he could properly read the room, he’d say there’s a hint of… subtle sadness in the room.

Anyway.

Kageyama was looking at his soul mate – boyfriend even. To be precise, he was observing the older with a newfound interest. The annoying voice of doubt at the back of his head had something to do with the fact Oikawa seems to be holding back. the younger proposed the idea of fully bonding and the way the brunet rejected him was – reasonable. And a pretty mature response, however, it started pissing Kageyama off. Multiple reasons were the cause of that, and the stupid part was, Kageyama could not stop thinking about it.

He had always been looking at Oikawa. At his body, the way he moved, ran, jumped. The way his back arched as he went for a jump serve. The way his hands twirled the ball before he threw it up. He had been observing Oikawa’s physical aspects, but purely from the volleyball, sport point of view. He was observing his form, and he did notice how tall Oikawa was. He noticed how broad his shoulders were, how strong his arms were. It made sense, that Oikawa looked athletic. He looked like a proper athlete, and up until now, Kageyama had no other thoughts about it.

Wide shoulders, narrow waist, strong thighs? Yeah, okay that’s cool. He heard the man’s Fanclub sighing after those particular things. And something to do with Oikawa’s face (he was pretty yeah; Kageyama knew that one already it was objective and subjective truth) and his hands. The setter did have nice hands. Kageyama liked to hold them, because Oikawa’s palm was slightly bigger than his own, and it was always nice. Never too warm, or too cold. So, he had quite an objective observation regarding Oikawa’s body.

After he did some research on his own, asked Tsukishima (who did not like the topic of their conversation), Daichi and Sugawara, he realised one thing that made him bitter. That brought this silly new doubt – insecurity even.

He never really thought about what he liked in a person. He heard his retarted classmates talks about boobs and asses, and he never really understood. Hell, how could he, volleyball was the only thing that was filling up his brain for as long as he can remember. He never really looked at girls, so he had no idea what the guys in his class were talking about. He never had a crush on any girl before. He also didn’t have a crush on any guy. He just knew some people had very good facial structures and were blessed by genetics and some weren’t so lucky. No matter the gender, he was able to tell when a girl was pretty and when a guy was good looking.

And Oikawa? Yah. He was definitely good looking. Any person with eyes knew that Oikawa looked great. His eye colour was pretty convenient too, since it reminded Kageyama of chestnuts or chocolate even. And he was used of those eyes looking at him with a dark glare, but recently the brown shade was soft and warm, and it made Kageyama want to just look at them for… a while. His nose was decent too. And Kageyama liked Oikawa’s lips because they made his face look prettier when he smiles, and he liked to kiss them.

Simple as that.

So, the boy decided, to look at Oikawa a little differently.

Fuck, he really is so damn pretty. Holy shit, Kageyama thought to himself now, as he stared at Oikawa, who had just received some silly gift from Matsukawa and Hanamaki. The brunet’s eyes flickered to his for a quick second, but Kageyama did not register it. His eyes dropped from Oikawa’s face to the curve of his lower back, as the brunet stood up to hug his two teammates. He noticed the way the shirt the man had on strained across his back.

Right, Oikawa has a nice back too. That comes in pack with the shoulders. Kageyama had a weird instinct to scratch it once and he did that during a hug once. Oikawa yelped and his ears were slightly flushed after that.

He did not get the ass part the guys in his class – Tanaka and Nishinoya as well – were constantly blabbering about. He stared at Oikawa’s backside for a second as he leaned over. He had his black shorts on, which showed off the man’s toned thighs. Kageyama huffed in slight jealousy. Strong thighs like that meant more power and strength. And Kageyama wanted to have thighs as sturdy as that. However. Oikawa had a butt just like anybody else and Kageyama figured that’s it.

That’s definitely an ass alright. Just a body part, I guess. He does have a curve or whatever, he thought to himself, sighing. What was the big idea?

Oikawa cleared his throat suddenly, and Kageyama looked back up to the setter’s face. he failed to notice the slight blush on Oikawa’s cheeks. He arched an eyebrow. Iwaizumi was sitting beside him, and he threw something at Oikawa’s face. “What’s the matter with you? You’re gonna finally give us your annual birthday speech or what?”

“What –“ Oikawa had a moment to frown, before Matsukawa made a face.

“Uh, nuh uh! We didn’t give us our big present yet! That comes later!”

“Oh. Right.” Iwaizumi put some chips in his mouth.

Oikawa turned to the younger setter for a second, before Daichi and Sugawara (yes, they were also invited. That’s cause Kageyama thought it’d be cool. It was actually spare for the part where Hinata sulked somewhere in a corner) came forward with their own present.

Kageyama went back to observing his man. His heart sped up a tiny bit. It wasn’t insecurity that was the cause of this. He did not care much, about what his sexual preference was. How would that even be an occurring thought to him? He didn’t care really. Was he straight, gay, nothing whatever. He just knew Oikawa looked great and so did Kyoko. However. It would be a problem, if Oikawa was –

Well.

What does them being bonded even really mean? Ah? There are more types of love. Platonic, romantic. They had kissed just because and they’ve said the three words already.

But did Oikawa ever say he feels attracted to Kageyama? That he thinks he’s – he did say he thinks Kageyama’s cute. When he gave him that panda plushie. So that was something.

Oikawa sure as hell, and most definitely was not gay. Is the actual bonding between them even possible then? The fact they’re soulmates doesn’t make them default homos. Or does it? What the hell even, is he over thinking this? Probably. Most likely.

However.

He can’t say he doesn’t think that Oikawa is holding back. And the age gap excuse? Half-ass type of stuff if you ask Kageyama.

So, these last three days he made it his mission to try and see just what he could get away with. So far, Oikawa let him do pretty much anything. Even as Kageyama sprawled on top of him, he did not push him off. It was not quite the confirmation the younger was looking for, but it was something.

Was he himself attracted to Oikawa? Well… let’s just say he had some feverish dreams that made him feel all fuzzy. Enough said.

All things considered, Kageyama liked holding Oikawa’s hand, and his hugs. He liked kisses too, and it did not escape his notice that Oikawa had definitely been holding back during their kisses. It’s been months, and they hadn’t had none of those proper make out sessions. The hot steamy ones from the movies and series. The ones starting with a kiss, which would end up with Oikawa taking his stupid shirt off, and Kageyama could shamelessly feel up the brunet’s shoulders and his chest muscles while his mouth would be occupied. The extra hot kisses and those ridiculous gasps that would fill up the room that would get too hot all of a sudden. The kind of make out, where Oikawa would duck his head and kiss Kageyama’s neck in a way that would leave dark purple mark and-

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Kageyama clicked his tongue as he suddenly felt strangely hot in his face. This was definitely not the place or time for such thoughts. He fixed his collar, as he reached for his glass of iced tea. He obnoxiously slurped the tea through his straw, and realised that a moment too late, since the people turned to look at him.

The sudden silence in the room made him blink. “…What?” he said lamely.

Oikawa was still standing beside him, holding the gift, but he was blankly staring at his hands. His cheeks and ears flushed red, his face was expressionless as he stared at whatever that it was in his hands.

And Kageyama is not dumb. By all means, he might be failing math, but he’s not a complete moron. He forgot that their telepathic bond is weak.

Yeah, weak.

Not gone.

And judging by the red cheeks on Oikawa’s face the way his shoulders were tense, and how his hand trembled just slightly, it was obvious to anyone, that he knew exactly what the younger boy was thinking about.

Oh.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Kageyama looked up. Oikawa made a sound at the back of his throat, and the younger just went to drink his iced tea as he pointedly turned away. “Uh… right. Thank you,” Oikawa said then, to whomever had given him the gift. His voice might have been a little huskier than usual.

Kageyama didn’t hear any of the brunet’s thoughts. Maybe his own were too loud. Kindaichi and Kunimi gave him a confused look, tilting their heads to the left in a synced motion and Kageyama put his hand up to hide his face as he drank his iced tea, which did not help in cooling him down.

If anything, it made it worse since now that he was aware Oikawa was aware –

Ah. Oh, damn it.

“…” Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes. Luckily for the younger boy, he did not say anything regarding the awkward atmosphere that suddenly filled the room. He wiped his hands as he stood up and threw the napkin aside. “Alright then! Kindaichi, Kunimi it’s our turn come on.” He poked the younger two to get them to stand up.

“Wha- you already gave me your gift Iwa-chan what-“ Oikawa spoke up, but Iwaizumi talked over him.

“Shut!” Iwaizumi whacked him. “Ahem. This is a gift we got you collectively as your teammates. Fellow players. Despite the fact we didn’t get to go to the Nationals with you as our captain, you are, in our eyes, the best captain, and definitely one of the best setters there is and was.”

Kageyama put his hand down so he could look up. The Aoba Jouhsai volleyball team stood in half a circle in front of Oikawa, all of them looking sad and happy at the same time. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were already being dramatic as they wiped their eyes like they were crying a flood. Kindaichi and Kunimi also had teary eyes, and even Iwaizumi’s eyes had that suspicious gleam in his eyes. The atmosphere in the room suddenly got heavier, with a hint of something sad and bitter, and Kageyama felt strange urge to crawl under the table.

Oikawa took a heavy breath. “You guys, please don’t – we’ve already – “

“It has been great!” Iwaizumi said over him. “And we’re all aware that you’re one of the rising stars that will… uh. Definitely… shine – “

“Starts burn Iwaizumi-san,” Kindaichi said. Kunimi elbowed him.

“… I’m gonna say shine cause burn is not the right concept right now, okay?” Iwaizumi said, as he gave Kindaichi a stern look over his shoulder. He looked back at his best friend. “Yeah. A star that will shine for as long as volleyball shall be a thing! And now that you’re also going to expand your wings to Argentina, we got you a memorable gift, that serves both as a memory of the team you had and a goodbye gift.”

Kageyama blinked. A what? Goodbye gift? Argentina? What?

What the hell?

Oikawa did not look at him as ran a hand through his brown hair. “I… oh Jesus you guys. This is not –“

Kindaichi stepped forward with a volleyball, which was signed with all of their names. It was definitely a heartfelt gesture, but Kageyama was too caught up of that new information to register how bittersweet the moment was. He stared at the back of Oikawa’s head his mind going a mile a minute.

Oikawa was leaving.

Was that the thing he didn’t want to talk to him about? He knew something was off, that Oikawa had another little secret. He hoped he wasn’t about to tell him something worse, but this was… this was not what he thought. And he felt relief, that it was not another stupid lie, but holy shit.

Was this the actual reason for this party? Was this a goodbye party? And he didn’t know about it? Well, in the group chat, it was about Oikawa’s birthday. The group chat he was in.

And of course, the man’s volleyball team had another chat without him in it. He suddenly felt hot again, but for a whole other reason. Did he have the right to be angry? That he didn’t know? Is he even angry? Why is Oikawa leaving?

Probably to get his name known as a volleyball player.

Right. It made sense that he would aim high and overseas, he was good enough to get in any team of any country he wanted to.

He drank his iced tea, looking at nothing, as his mind spiralled. He didn’t think he was feeling angry. The dull ache in his hip turned into a sensation of prickling needles. Maybe he was just frustrated that he didn’t know the team was saying goodbye. It was a moment he was not meant to be present for.

Or was he? God damn it, where does he stand in this? What should he say? Should he even say anything? What does that even mean?

And why didn’t Oikawa tell him?

Why?

“Cake time!” Oikawa’s sister yelled then, as she walked into the dining room with a big Tres leche cake. The birthday boy sat beside Kageyama again. The younger blinked in confusion as he realised the whole set of hugs and tearful smiles were already over. How long was he spiralling in his thoughts for?!

Oikawa looked at him. “… You okay?”

Kageyama just stared back. Was he? No. He felt a bit pissed off. Yeah, a frustrated ping of betrayal was what he felt. So he just stared back with a blank face.

“Wait wait wait!” Nishinoya raised his voice. “Kageyama didn’t give his gift yet!”

“Oh right –“ Matsukawa snapped his fingers.

Kageyama blinked. Oikawa waved a dismissive hand at them. “No he gave me his gift already –“

“When?” Kindaichi frowned.

“Last night. So –“

“Ooooh –“ the people mused collectively. One of them wolf whistled.

“It was not like that oh my God you guys –“ Oikawa groaned, his face red again.

Kageyama chose that time to be dumb and pretended he did not get the joke. He blinked as he raised his hand. “I do have a gift actually.”

Oikawa paused his disapproving rant at his teammates. He blinked as he looked at him. “You… do?”

The boy nodded.

Here was the thing that had Kageyama additionally nervous: he had no fucking idea what to fucking get him! He tried to find what to buy his soul mate, but he had few bad ideas. Which got worse and worse, and then he ran out of time. And like it couldn’t get worse, Oikawa invited him to a sleepover from three days prior his birthday. And no matter how he tried, he couldn’t get Oikawa to leave him alone for long enough so he could sneak out to the shopping centre and buy a gift.

Oikawa caught him in the morning, as he tried to get out the house before the brunet would be back from his morning run. He caught him crawling out the window after lunchtime. He busted him at the front door at 7.pm. And Oikawa also saw him showing up at his house with a backpack of his clothes and his panda plushie. Of course, the boy thought he didn’t get him shit!

So.

Kageyama had to get creative. And that meant sending Kindaichi, Kunimi, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi to buy Oikawa’s gift for him. it was not the greatest idea because Kageyama told them all his ideas for the gift, and Tsukishima rejected every single one of them.

He had a thought of what to get him that night, after he gave Oikawa his birthday kiss under the night sky full of stars. That was… as romantic as the younger could get and judging by Oikawa’s reaction the older liked it.

And then he immediately texted Tsukishima what to buy. As soon as they showed up at Oikawa’s house, he pulled the 4 to the side and snatched the gift.

“Yeah. What, you really thought that was it?” Kageyama said.

“… Kind of. I mean…” Oikawa rubbed a spot underneath his ear. “I liked it. It was probably one of the most heartfelt and endearing things you had given me so…”

Kageyama clicked his tongue. “No! Here –“ he bent down to fetch the gift from underneath the chair he was sitting on. “Ah! Wait.” Kageyama paused for a second. he held the little box in his hands, as he felt his heart speeding up. Out of anxious nervousness this time.

He had… a silly idea. A silly, yet cute idea, that would show Oikawa he’s really not messing around. It was definitely not something the older would expect. Even Tsukishima and the other two were surprised upon his final idea.

“It’s kind of… don’t read too much into it. Okay? I just had a thought that something like this would be nice and –“ Kageyama decided to stop talking and just shoved the box in Oikawa’s hands. “Here.”

The older setter arched an eyebrow. He then opened the little box. Kageyama looked away at first. After Oikawa didn’t say anything for a while he turned to look at him. The brunet stared at the open box, his face carrying an unreadable expression.

“This…these are…” Oikawa’s voice was hoarse again. He cleared his throat.

And God damn it, now it all seemed so bad! Giving him this gift right after his team gave him that memory ball, this seemed too convenient. He didn’t want the awkwardness to drag on, so he reached forward.

He took out one of the two silver rings. “These are promise rings, yeah.” He slipped the ring on a string as he leaned in and put it around Oikawa’s neck.

“It’s… ridiculous since we don’t really need something like this. But –“ he tied a knot. Oikawa’s face was extremely close to his own as he fixated the necklace around Oikawa’s neck.

“I thought… it would be nice. So, here’s another thing, that can be with you literally all the time.”

He didn’t need to promise himself to Oikawa. The gift seemed more meaningful with his knowledge of the brunet leaving the country.

He couldn't look at the birthday boy because he suddenly felt extremely awkward and stupid. Fucking hell, what was he even saying -

“Aside from that keychain. So now you... I… will be you know. Constantly there. Even when you’re in Argentina. Wherever the fuck that is. So- “ He started cringing on the inside.

Luckily, his words got cut off as Oikawa hugged him tight. Kageyama returned the embrace, feeling Oikawa’s heart beating against his own. The frustration from before was gone, and that warm happiness filled him up again. Oikawa’s arms were tight around his waist as he was squished against the taller’s body.

“Holy shit Tobio.” Oikawa’s voice was quiet. He heard the rest of the people clapped for some dumb reason. “I… fuck. Why must you suddenly be so cute?”

“Mmm… I have my moments. I thought you liked me being cute?”

Oikawa lifted his head. He pulled away to look at the younger. His brown eyes flickering over his face. He then gently pressed a kiss to Kageyama’s lips, and his nose afterwards. “You’re gonna kill me one day you little shit, you know that?”

“Hah-” Kageyama cackled, and Oikawa shut him up with another kiss.

“That was cute as shit! Fuck – Matsu take notes you prick!” Hanamaki said.

“Me?! How about you – “

“Cake time! Everybody let’s sing for our birthday boy! Happy birthday –“ Oikawa’s sister started singing.

As the candles were being lit, Oikawa slipped the other necklace with the promise ring around Kageyama’s neck. “A necklace because we can’t wear rings all time, hm?” he whispered into Kageyama’s ear.

“I have cute and smart moments I know,” Kageyama retorted. Oikawa laughed softly.

“Yeah. You do.”

He took the younger’s hand in his and squeezed it tight. As the song ended and his sister told him to make a wish, he closed his eyes. Giving Kageyama’s hand another squeeze, he leaned in and blew the candles.

The happiness that washed over Kageyama was doubled, because he could feel his other half was happy too.

Chapter Text

Oikawa was about to combust.

He had known Kageyama was acting up. Being a little too touchy, a little weird. It was nothing that serious at first. Sure, few unexpected touches here and there that didn’t throw him off why would it? But what did throw him off were Kageyama’s graphic thoughts. The images were clear in his mind, and he needed a moment to force his body to calm the fuck down. He felt the younger’s stare, the way he was looking. His thoughts about his face and his – his ass of all things. He was too flustered to properly thank Daichi and Sugawara who had given him something he doesn’t even remember because he was too busy trying to untie his tangled tongue.

He tried to cut Kageyama’s thoughts out of his head or make him stop but it was like his mental strength was non-existent. He just stared down, with his red face and that familiar heat starting to fill up his belly. Almost crushing the gift in his hands as he forced himself to behave like an unbothered human.

Holy shit. To say he had not been expecting Kageyama to be so shameless would be an understatement. He still remembered the cute frown on the younger’s face as Oikawa explained what needed to be done.  God damn he was so adorable. That was mostly what Oikawa thought of the younger. Cute and adorable.

Did his mind supply him with similar thoughts Kageyama had been thinking during his birthday party? Well yes, it did. But not to such extre-

He is a liar.

He might be even worse than him. After all, he had these thoughts occurring quite a while. It was him who initiated that first kiss. He was the one who angled his head to kiss the younger deeper, and he was the one who pulled Kageyama to his lap. He was the initiator. Maybe this was Kageyama’s natural response? However, he tried to keep it timid. He tried his best to not get ahead of himself, cause the last thing he wanted was to spook the younger away.

Apparently, all for naught. He used the age gap excuse already. The next thing he’ll explain to the younger is the risk of developing separation anxiety and all the bad things that could still be awaiting them. But it was getting harder and harder, and now Kageyama got so shameless to start thinking about him giving the younger a hickey and holy shit. Oikawa’s knees were fucking weak.

But here’s the thing. Oikawa is aware of what’s gonna happen. Kageyama is not. And he’s doing it again. He’s not telling the younger what is both of their business and involves them both. Once again, he’s repeating his mistakes, and he knows he shouldn’t. Why? Because he doesn’t know how to properly package it, and because he’s still somewhat convinced Kageyama is a little bit dumb. Sue him for that, but he’d already thought of the scenario of their conversation about him leaving and Kageyama’s reaction.

Just last night, when they came back from the playground, Oikawa stood under the shower and stared at the bathroom tiles already picturing it. The way he was mad about him keeping the fact they were soulmates from him made him think he’s gonna get furious as well. And well, the worst-case scenario, Oikawa can just shut him up by angrily kissing him and –

“Ah fucking hell, no.” He sighed, leaning his forehead onto the shower wall, letting the hot water run over his face. “Get it together holy shit,” he mumbled to himself as he squeezed his eyes shut.

And of course, Iwaizumi was also done with Oikawa’s shit, and he took the matter into his own hands. He didn’t expect them to give him a parting gift. He froze as soon as he saw the ball with their names. His heart clenched and he was too busy trying not to fucking cry to be bothered by the fact Iwaizumi spilled the beans before he could. He couldn’t even think about the fact he was outed as he stared at all the names that were signed. It felt… he had already said his goodbyes. He had already thanked them for these last 3 years. It was all done, and this stupid memory ball was – it was not what he expected.

“You guys…” was all he could say before he had to wipe his eyes. and then he was pulled in a group hug.

Gosh it was awful.

Why?

The word was loud in his head. Loud, with a ton of betrayed accusation. His heart clenched inwards once more, and his soul mark tingled. Kageyama was pointedly looking away, just like earlier, when he heard his shameless thoughts. When his tears dried and his sister brought the cake, he sat back down beside him. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

And Kageyama just stared at him with that stupid indifferent expression on his face. Oikawa didn’t show the flicker of his own frustration on his face. Not again. He can’t handle Kageyama shutting him out again. Not like this God damn it.

But then, then Kageyama gave him the promise ring. As if the younger hadn’t sweep him off his feet enough already! With that kiss under the starry sky yesternight, and now this?! And the words he said, oh man. Oikawa thought he’d be the one to mess with the younger like that, so why was he the one suddenly having the urge to giggle like an idiot?!

A promise ring.

A set of promise rings for the two of them?

It seemed like the little shitling was in on the whole goodbye stuff. He sure as hell wasn’t the one who told him, and Kageyama said he could wear the ring around his neck as another reminder of his presence and good Lord –

He reached forward and hugged the younger tight, hiding his flustered face in the younger’s neck. “Holy shit Tobio.” Oikawa cursed under his breath as he hugged the younger close. “I… fuck. Why must you suddenly be so cute?”

“Mmm… I have my moments. I thought you liked me being cute?”

Oikawa almost let out a snort. That boy was too cute for his own good. He raised his head, looking at the other, before he leaned in and kissed him. “You’re gonna kill me one day you little shit, you know that?”

“Hah-” Kageyama cackled, and Oikawa just shut him up with another kiss.

As the candles were being lit, Oikawa slipped the other necklace with the promise ring around Kageyama’s neck. It felt like a really intimate and heartfelt moment. Oikawa felt so fuzzy he thought he was gonna combust on spot.  “A necklace because we can’t wear rings all time, hm?” he commented, whispering into Kageyama’s ear.

How fucking thoughtful. This is how he dies.

“I have cute and smart moments I know,” Kageyama retorted. Oikawa laughed softly.

“Yeah.” Oikawa blinked. “You do.”

Two hours later Oikawa waved the last one of his friends out of his house. He pulled on Kindaichi and Kunimi’s collar before they could leave. “Did y’all tell him about Argentina by any chance?” he asked.

The two shook their heads. “Nuh uh! You specifically told us not to! And Iwaizumi-san as well!”

“We were just as shook as you captain.” Kunimi said, nodding along.

“Hmph. Beat it –“ he said then after he ruffled their hair.

Iwaizumi gave him a meaningful look and Oikawa just waved him off. He sighed as he closed the front door and rubbed his eyes. He leaned his palm against the door, collecting his thoughts for a second. There was a mess inside his head, and he knew a heavy conversation was on the horizon.

He didn’t want to waste any time. He should just come forward and tell as it is.

Simple.

He went into the kitchen where he found Kageyama standing by the table, shoving a cupcake in his mouth. He looked so adorable, and Oikawa leaned against the doorframe and just looked at his soul mate for a moment. His heart was beating in a funny rhythm again. Now that he thinks about it, it’s hard to say when he started feeling like this. Suddenly Kageyama was cute, and Oikawa’s heart was doing funny things.

And just like the younger did before Oikawa let his eyes trace over Kageyama’s body. He was wearing a black t-shirt that fit him nicely with dark blue shorts. It was such a distinctive Kageyama’s palette Oikawa had an urge to snort.

However.

Oikawa had dated in the past. He was with girls that did not care their mark was different. He knew what he liked. In a woman that is. Kageyama was not a woman, and he was not his type. Or was he? Well Oikawa did like blue eyes. And black hair was a great combination with the baby blue so –

He paused.

Ah.

Kageyama might be his type.

Still, he was a boy. Oikawa had no thoughts about this before, but he didn’t know if he swung that way. He could tell when a guy was pretty looking – like that, Akaashi Keiji who was bonded to that loud owl. He knew when someone was objectively a sight for sore eyes, but he always dated girls. He had not fondled with any guy before, no matter the rumours that circled around in his second year, that him and Iwaizumi had a thing. That didn’t bother him, because they were best friends, and real besties get mistaken like that.

So, he wouldn’t say he’s bisexual. He had always found Kageyama cute, and all the kisses came to him naturally. Even the thoughts about manhandling the younger on the couch came completely naturally like it was normal of him to think this way.

About his soul mate? Yeah, that was not a problem.

About another male?

Well...

Oikawa was not going to go into a crisis of finding out what his sexuality is, because it doesn’t matter. Kageyama is a boy, and so is he, and Kageyama has great legs. He can’t deny that, and now he was looking at the younger’s thighs, having impure thoughts that were clouding his mind. Kageyama’s little thoughts about them having a hot make out session suddenly didn’t seem that bad. It was his birthday after all. He could surely… think of something, right?

Oh, he was getting back into his bad ways. He did that once already. Sort of guilt tripped a girl into a birthday kiss that went somewhere else quite fast. Well, it was not a guilt trip or manipulation, because she was into him and Oikawa pretended to be as well. He was definitely into it. Not into her, despite the fact she was quite a nice little thing.

“Hmm…” he tilted his head to the side. Kageyama was looking for it too. Oikawa was cautious cause he doesn’t want to make anything worse. But surely, as long as they don’t actually do the real thing, they should be fine, right?

Kageyama blinked as he heard Oikawa’s hum. He turned to him with full mouth of cupcake. Oikawa had a hint of a smile on his face. How cute.

The younger swallowed, and Oikawa’s eyes might have followed the way his throat moved. “What? It’d be a shame to let these go to waste.”

“Hm? Oh, right yeah, of course. Suit yourself,” Oikawa tapped his finger against his bicep.

Kageyama blinked. “…” he turned to get another treat. A moment passed, but then the younger looked at him. “Why didn’t you tell me about Argentina?”

Ah.

Oikawa sighed. He pushed himself off the doorframe and turned. “I think we have some things to discuss. Come with me.” He thought for a moment where the conversation should take place. His naughty idea was still at the back of his head, so maybe upstairs in his bedroom would be best.

So, he went up the stairs, hands behind his back, as Kageyama followed. “What? Some things? Why things? How many? How serious?” the younger asked.

“Few. Some serious some…a bit less.” Oikawa opened the door to his bedroom and hopped onto his bed.

Kageyama followed, kicking the door shut as he shoved a milk caramel into his mouth, before he followed up, crawling onto the bed beside Oikawa. He blinked, head to the side. “So? Why didn’t you tell me you were going? When why?”

Oikawa leaned back against the bed, propping himself on his palms behind his back. “I got a scholarship in Argentina. If it all goes well… I’ll be playing for San Juan.”

“Holy shit,” Kageyama blinked. “That’s – fuck. Elite shit. That’s all overseas though. Cool I gotta say, I had no doubt you’d get scouted.”

Oikawa looked at him. He was a bit surprised. He expected the younger to get mad, angry and maybe even run away through the windows or something. But there was no hint on anger. There was that spark of admiration in the blue of Kageyama’s eyes. The spark that used to annoy the shit of Oikawa. But now he understood what that gleam meant. He still remembers what Kageyama spat at him at the hospital.

"Maybe you should open your eyes, to see how fucking amazing you are!"

It pissed him off, back then. But now he understood Kageyama actually meant that. That made him feel fuzzy again.

“Yeah.”

“So... why?”

Oikawa paused. “I wasn’t sure what your reaction would be. And… I’ve been overthinking some things since I… am still not sure what that means. For us.”

Kageyama blinked. “Wha- us?”

Oikawa sat up straight. “Yeah. We’re still… we’re still not fully okay. Fully healed. We’re getting there, but you are not okay. I am not okay. Our bond is not 100% okay.” He reached for Kageyama’s hand. “…You obviously can’t follow me into Argentina so that – “

“Haha of course not! Why would I?” Kageyama cackled.

Oh. Oh, that pissed Oikawa off. His fingers roughly tightened around Kageyama’s slightly smaller hand. He narrowed his eyes, visibly showing his annoyance. Frustration, slight bitterness and a pinch of betrayal too. He was contemplating over thinking how to talk about this, and the little shit is fucking laughing at him? Oh, hell nah!

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he growled; his brown eyes dark. “You’re fucking laughing at me?”

Kageyama stared at him dumbly. “I – No it’s just – why would I want to- “

“WHY?!” Oikawa got even angrier. He released Kageyama’s hand, shoving it away. “Why do you think you little shit? I don’t know, maybe I thought you’d want to be with me maybe? Huh?! I am leaving over the fucking seas Tobio!”

Anger and disappointment washed over him, and he stood up. “For I don’t fucking know how long! 4 years for sure, and I don’t know I might decide to stay there even. Huh?! Have you thought about it? That maybe we won’t fucking see each other for half a decade and you’re sitting here, asking me why?!”

Kageyama stared up at him, visibly confused upon Oikawa’s violent outburst. Funny, Oikawa thought the roles would be reversed. “Oh, woe is me for thinking my significant other might want to be with me as I leave the country!” He threw his hands up as he turned away, running his hands through his hair in frustration. The string around his neck felt heavy all of a sudden.

“…I…” And of course, Kageyama just sat there on the bed like an absolute idiot. Adorable dumbass and Oikawa’s blood boiled. “Holy shit. I did not… think it that far. I couldn’t cause I didn’t know. But I… I meant that I wouldn’t go with you because I can’t. And because I’m not gonna join the same team you will.”

Oikawa crossed his arms and turned to the younger. “Of course you can’t. Your grades suck and you’re just a first year. And why the hell not?”

Kageyama pulled his legs up. “Cause. We’re on the opposite sides of the court, right? It’s what, 1-1 now.”

He had a cheeky expression on his face, mixed with slight wariness. Oikawa’s eye twitched. He walked over, propped his knee on the bed as he leaned over the younger. Kageyama’s cheeky smile evaporated as Oikawa glared at him from so up close. “Right. I can’t wipe the floor with you if we’re on the same team. Can I?”

Kageyama blinked. Oikawa’s sudden competitiveness and the frustrated anger tantrum he had just thrown definitely spooked him a bit. He didn’t move as Oikawa leaned a bit closer, almost crawling on top of him. But then, that significant glare of his suddenly got fixated on the younger’s face. “I can’t kick your ass either if we’re wearing the same colours,” he said, with a bite of challenge in his voice.

“Right,” Oikawa’s lips turned in a smile. “Of course.” He leaned in again and pressed a kiss on Kageyama’s neck. Exactly where the younger had imagined a hickey before, and just like that, the younger’s composure was gone. His tongue moved against the spot, as he pressed a hot wet kiss on the younger's neck.

“Mh-“ a soft sound made his way out of Kageyama’s throat. But Oikawa did not give into it yet.

He pulled away and sat on the bed beside Kageyama again. “Right, that makes sense. However. It’s still a problem.”

Kageyama cleared his throat. “Why? We’re just gonna have to do distan –“ he paused. He swiftly turned to look at Oikawa, and flipped over, sitting on his knees. “Actually. So, considering you’re leaving, and our bond is the way it is we should – “

“No, we’re not.” Oikawa already knew what Kageyama wanted to say. He crossed his legs, propping his elbow on his knee. “No way.”

And now it was Kageyama’s turn to start boiling his blood. “And why the fuck not? You said it yourself! Once you leave, we won’t see each other that often! I think it’s literally the perfect opportunity to – “

“I. Said. No.” Oikawa said harshly. He looked at the other boy. “It’s the worst time to do, especially because I’m leaving. Our bond is weak, and we might make it worse. Besides, you’re underage so – “

“UGH! EXCUSES!” Kageyama growled then and tackled Oikawa. The brunet did not see that coming and he let out a huff as he suddenly felt Kageyama colliding with him. The younger grabbed his hands, and with that their balance was off and they clumsily rolled off the bed.

“It’s not an excuse! I am simply saying that –“ Oikawa groaned as he tried to pull away. But Kageyama’s hold on him was firm.

“Why?! Is the fact I’m too young for – for sex the only reason you don’t want to do it huh?!” Kageyama yelled at him. “Cause that’s a bunch of bullshit! Give me a real reason or I’m gonna break your wrist!” the boy said, anger and frustration so obvious in his voice. He released on of Oikawa’s hands to wrap his both arms around Oikawa’s right one and held his wrist firmly.

“And then you won’t go fucking anywhere! I’m gonna do it don't test me Tooru-san!”

Oikawa felt slight panic wash over him as Kageyama grabbed onto his arm like that. “Wait- wait no Tobio calm the fuck down –“ he said in alarm, as he held onto Kageyama’s shoulder attempting to push him off. Not his right hand –

“You’ve given me some half assed excuses that are not true! So, tell me what it is, that’s turning you off right now!” Kageyama said, glaring down at him, with slightly teary eyes.

Oikawa blinked. “Turning me off? Tobio what the fuck – “

“Just tell me! Is it because I’m also a man? Huh? What is it that you don’t want to?”

Oikawa sighed. He knocked his head against the floor, running his left hand over his face. Oh God damn it. What the hell? Turned off? Oh no, Oikawa was turned on right now.

“Tobio. It’s not about sex. Fuck. I don’t – Hng. Even if us bonding would be just locking pinkies, I wouldn’t do it. Not right now at least.”

The frustration and angry tension were making him feel hot. They both were incredibly pissed off, and yet, Oikawa didn’t feel an ounce of pain in their bond. Nothing at all. He raised his palm and looked up at Kageyama. Whose eyes were full of bitter tears now, but he looked so pretty Oikawa’s first thought was to pull him down in a hot kiss.

The moment couldn’t be more wrong for fuck’s sake.

“What? Why – did I do something?” Kageyama’s voice was quiet. He still held tight on Oikawa’s wrist.

“Gosh no!” Oikawa sighed. “It’s not your fault. I –“ he pushed up so he could sit up. “I talked to some doctors. Read some articles. Sealing a bond before I’d leave could cause us more issues. Worse issues than what we’ve been dealing with now and it would hurt again. I don’t want that.”

Kageyama’s glare did not falter. “I’ve asked around too. There’s also a chance it would be fine. That it could be fixed.”

“Tobio… we’re weak. I don’t want to risk it.” Oikawa raised his hand, tilting Kageyama’s head by holding his chin. “I’ve caused enough pain already. I don’t want any more. Okay?”

Kageyama was still glaring. Oikawa sighed. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You piss me off so much,” Kageyama said, his voice low.

Oikawa’s lips curved. “I know. That’s the charm.” He then leaned down, and captured Kageyama’s lips in a kiss. The younger refused to cooperate for a second, before he opened his mouth and kissed him. Oikawa smiled devilishly into their kiss, as his earlier thoughts came back. His hand cupping Kageyama’s neck, he angled his head and pushed his tongue in the younger’s mouth. What started as a sweet kiss was now something filthy, as he moved his mouth against the younger’s his tongue licking into Kageyama’s mouth.

A muffled sound came out of Kageyama’s throat. He was still holding onto his right arm, but Oikawa didn’t register that. He was too busy shoving his tongue down Kageyama’s throat to notice. He felt that heat pooling in his chest again. Subtle ache in his belly as he tugged onto Kageyama’s hair. He pulled the younger’s head backwards, as his lips moved. From Kageyama’s mouth down to his jaw, and then settled on the younger’s neck. And just like Kageyama had a filthy thought earlier, he sucked a mark onto the soft skin below his ear.

“Ah – oh holy shit –“ Kageyama yelped as he felt Oikawa’s lips on his neck.

“Mmm…” Oikawa licked the tender spot where the pale bruise was. “Nice,” he hummed as he looked at his work. “You’d look better with few more.”

“Wha – oh holy hell – Tooru-san what the fuck was that?” Kageyama released his arm as he pressed his hand to the hickey on his neck.

Right. This is where… Oikawa gets a little nasty.

He grinned. “What? I thought you wanted me to do that? Or did I see wrong?” he mused, faking innocence.

“…What – “

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” Oikawa flicked Kageyama’s nose. “Like for example… what did you say? Oh right: That’s definitely an ass alright. Just a body part, I guess. He does have a curve or whatever- “

Kageyama blinked. His cheeks coloured, and he turned and crawled onto the bed. In quick movement he buried himself under the blankets. Oikawa laughed, but the sound was low and sultry. He followed up, leaning over the silhouette of Kageyama’s body under the blankets. “Oh, come on! You’re gonna hide now? I thought you wanted us to have some lovey-dovey time!”

“…You’re mocking me! You’re being a real asshole!” Kageyama growled; his voice muffled.

Oikawa hummed. He leaned down, pulling the blankets away, enough to reveal the top of Kageyama’s head. “Why? It caught me off guard I won’t lie. But it was a nice little imaginary scene of yours I gotta say.”

Kageyama didn’t say anything. Oikawa’s mind was sinking into the gutter. He tugged the blankets off, revealing the whole of Kageyama’s head. He leaned down, tugging on Kageyama’s earlobe with his teeth. “Come oooon! Don’t get shy on me! You literally asked for sex earlier. And now you’re shy?”

“…You’re mean.”

“I am not.” Oikawa narrowed his eyes in thought. He got an idea. His wolfish grin looked dangerous as he rolled off of Kageyama and laid beside him, propping his elbow up. “Listen here. I’m gonna humour you, okay?”

Kageyama glared at him. “What?!”

“I said, listen: we are not going to do it, okay? But your little fantasy was already making me hot and bothered. Plus, it’s my birthday. So… I’d like a little something.”

Kageyama blinked, his glare morphing into slight confusion. “Wha – what do you mean?”

“I mean I’m into it.” Oikawa sat up. He untangled Kageyama from the blankets. “The hot make out session.” He leaned over the younger. “However, ... I’d also like to try a little something.”

Kageyama rolled over onto his back. “… Why have you held back before?”

“From a full on make out session? Mmm…” Oikawa’s mind was fucking gone. He leaned down, his nose brushing against Kageyama’s. “Cause once we’d start, I wouldn’t stop. Simple.”

“Ahn… Jesus fuck – “

“Hah –“ Oikawa kissed Kageyama’s cheek. “Such naughty mouth. So, can I?”

“Can you what?” Kageyama blinked. His cheeks were red, and he looked pretty much just sinfully delectable. Oikawa had to bite back a filthy sound.

Was this him, or just hormones? Was he a sick bastard? Well, who gives a shit.

“Can I…” Oikawa kissed him. That deep, filthy kiss that left them breathless. He then pulled away, sat on the bed and pulled Kageyama up as well. “Can I have a little something for my birthday? I think you’ll like it.”

“...Uh-“ Oikawa leaving a trail off kisses down Kageyama’s neck. His right hand settled on the waistband of his shorts. It was pretty obvious, what Oikawa was thinking about. “You – shouldn’t I be doing it for you?” the younger asked, tilting his head back, giving Oikawa more space.

“Mmmm...” Oikawa was about to say something nasty. He kept his mouth on the younger's neck as his fingers slipped underneath Kageyama’s shorts. “No, why? I want to see the face my Tobio makes when he comes.”

Kageyama choked. “Wha – huh?”

“What’s that confusion for?” Oikawa cackled. His hand slipped unto Kageyama’s pants. “A year ago, the only face you’ve shown me was that grumpy frown and angry glare. Only recently, had you let me see some other faces. I’m curious about this one too.”

He paused. “If you don’t want me to touch you like that, I’ll stop- “

“No. No, that’s fine.” Kageyama shook his head. He was breathing slightly heavily. “I... want you to...”

Ah.  Success!

Oikawa grinned. “Good boy!”

Damn, he was nasty. Just vile, but how can he pass up on this opportunity? That’s right he can’t. He scattered kisses all over Kageyama’s neck, sucking marks, leaving love bites behind, as his hand sneaked into the younger’s briefs. He chose to not comment on the fact the younger was already straining against his hand. He slipped his hand deeper into Kageyama 's pants, wrapping his fingers around the boy's length, giving a slow, deliberate stroke.

“Ah – um –“ Kageyama gasped, his chest heaving with heavy breaths. Oikawa revelled in the way Kageyama responded to his touch, the way the boy arched into his hand. His hand quickened its movement, his thumb smearing the pre-cum as it leaked from the tip of Kageyama's already leaking length.

Oikawa watched, transfixed, as Kageyama tried to keep his composure. It was a new, unfamiliar expression on the younger’s face. and God damn he liked it. His cheeks were flushed red, his lips parted as he was forcing himself to try and breathe. He was holding onto Oikawa’s arms. It was cute, in a way. But holy shit, the sight of Kageyama like that made his own short tighten. He leaned down, his breath hot against Kageyama's ear as he whispered, "Does it feel good?

“Mh –“ Kageyama squeezed his eyes shut, looking to the side.

“Nah ah, none of that –“ Oikawa clicked his tongue in disapproving manner. He grabbed Kageyama’s chin and turned his head towards the brunet again. “Hey. Look at me.”

“No-“

“Don’t give me that.” Oikawa leaned in, his thumb brushing across Kageyama’s bottom lip. “Eyes on me Tobio. Come on now. I said I want to see your face, didn’t I?”

Kageyama shook his head. Oikawa let out a low growl. He pumped his hand faster, his thumb swiping over the sensitive head of Kageyama's length. “Don’t be difficult. Come on Tobio. Look at me.”

Kageyama threw his head back as Oikawa gave him a deliberately strong pump. The brunet used that moment to lean in once more, mouth on Kageyama’s neck. His teeth grazed the soft skin, where he made that purple mark before. The younger’s breath hitched. His little soft sounds of pleasure were making Oikawa a bit crazy.

“Come on –“ he growled into Kageyama’s neck, his tongue swiping across the bite mark. “Look at me with those pretty eyes of yours baby-“

The nickname came out of fucking nowhere. But it felt so right to say it. Kageyama whimpered, before he opened his eyes and looked at him. Oikawa looked up, grinning like a maniac.  "That's it, that's it," he said, rewarding Kageyama with another hard stroke.

Oikawa continued to work his hand along Kageyama's length. He observed the younger’s face throughout the entire time. Like a hawk, he stared at him, drinking up every moan, and every expression on the younger’s face. He could tell Kageyama's mind was racing with a hundred thoughts, but he knew the time to think would end soon.

“To-Tooru- san I- “ Kageyama’s breath hitched. “I think I –“

“Hmm?” Oikawa’s hand was moving on autopilot. He was too busy drinking in Kageyama’s expressions to notice the way the boy was slowly losing it.

“I’m uh – going to –“

“Oh?” Oikawa leaned backwards so he could see his face properly. His hand sped up its movement, and Kageyama whined. “Go on then. Come for me Tobio”

Kageyama braced his hands on Oikawa’s shoulders. One, two, three strokes later, and he gasped. His eyebrows knit in a beautiful expression of pleasure, as his body tensed. Oikawa felt something in his chest stir at the sight. Kageyama looked right at him, when he reached his climax, and a final whine curled out of his throat, before he spilled into Oikawa’s hand.

Oh holy shit.

Oikawa had to bite his lip to hold back a filthy sound of his own as he saw the expression on Kageyama’s face. The red cheeks only made him look prettier and Oikawa didn’t waste another second.

He leaned in and kissed the younger with newfound fervour. As if he could taste the younger’s pleasure on his tongue. it was a messy, filthy kiss. Kageyama wrapped his arms around his neck, hands in the brunet’s brown hair. He pulled him down onto him, and Oikawa obliged. He followed after, leaning over the younger, pulling his hand out of Kageyama’s pants. He wiped it off, his mouth not parting from Kageyama’s for a second.

Kageyama gasped into his mouth. “Ah – that was – oh holy shit.”

“Mmm...” Oikawa was still staring at the blissful expression on the younger’s face. “Good?”

“Yeah –“

“Have to say, I thought you’d last longer.” Oikawa tilted his head.

And then, as if this situation couldn’t be any sweeter (or filthier) Kageyama blinked, looking away. “I- I’ve never actually –“

“Had a hand job? Hah figured,” Oikawa cackled. But the way Kageyama pursed his lips, made him pause. “...You... have jerked off before, right?”

“...”

“Oh holy Hell Tobio – “

“Listen here! I just – I’ve never -“

“So, you’ve been having all those nasty little thoughts without actually getting off?” Oikawa’s grin got wider, if that was even possible. “Oh man. I was your very first. That makes me really happy you know.”

Kageyama glared. “Don’t mock me!”

Oikawa kissed his nose. “Ay. Don’t worry. I take great pride in the fact I’ll be your one and only corruption.” His voice was gentle as he said that. The lust that was messing with his head a second ago made way to a soft fuzzy feeling that filled up his heart.

Kageyama stared up at him, his blue eyes pretty and shiny. "...You really..." Oikawa kissed him again. It was less intense this time. 

"By the way," the brunet titled his head. "Whose idea were these?" he asked as he propped himself up on his hands, and reached into his shirt to bring out the ring on the string. "Didn't think a dense idiot like my little Tobio-chan is capable of something so cute."

Kageyama reached up and tugged on Oikawa's ring. "You fucker. I'll take it back then if you don't want it-"

"Oh hell naw -" Oikawa grabbed Kageyama's hand. "This is mine now. Just tell me." 

Kageyama narrowed his eyes. "Is it that unbelievable that I've come up with it myself huh? Maybe I'm taking our relationship very seriously."

Oikawa's knee slotted between Kageyama's thighs. Ay, his pants were awfully tight. Ha ha. "Oh, I like that. I guess it caught me off guard."

Kageyama noticed the situation below Oikawa's waist. He pushed himself up on his elbows. "Are you gonna do something about that?" He arched an eyebrow like a cheeky little shit he is. 

The soft fuzzy feeling in Oikawa's fast beating heart gave way to that lustful fever again. He didn't think he'd be so into. So into Kageyama. He thought he'd have trouble with this thing. Yet here he was now, bracing himself on his arms, knee between Kageyama's thighs. With that familiar ache and tight heat in his belly. The way the younger was looking at him made him feel hazy as well. The way the other was so willing was driving him crazy. But, he shouldn't give into it. Or maybe he should just let his mind fully go to shit and just get into it. 

He leaned in and kissed Kageyama's neck once again. His lips left a lingering kiss underneath the boy's ear. "Should I?" His voice was sultry and low, his teeth tugging onto the boy's earlobe. 

Uh oh. His mark was tingling. 

"Yeah..." Kageyama's voice was strangely soft. 

Oikawa felt the strangle prickling in his hip. It was getting a bit uncomfortable. He pulled back a bit. "Can I check something?"

Kageyama groaned in annoyance and flopped backwards on the bed. "Yeah whatever."

Oikawa pursed his lips as he saw the younger's display of annoyance. Tilting his head to the side he reached underneath Kageyama's shirt, and pushed the fabric up. The younger's skin felt warm and really fucking soft for some reason. Oikawa was actively losing the last fragment of his sanity, but he did his best to keep it. His fingers traced across the younger's belly. He looked at the scarring on Kageyama's hip. His thumb rubbed across the pale mark of what used to be an initial of his own name. A frown settled on his face, as he observed the scar. 

It annoyed him. Few years ago, he felt annoyed, because it was clearly there. Unwelcome, sharp black on his skin. It annoyed him how obvious it was and how he couldn't get it off. It made him angry and enraged, and now he was pissed off for another reason. Now, he was pissed off because the mark wasn't clear anymore. Kageyama's was even worse than his own. He still had the outline, Kageyama did not. 

Kageyama had a really, really, faint outline. Barely visible, it was easier to miss than to see it. A foreign dark feeling (it was something close to possessiveness) suddenly sparked inside of Oikawa's chest. He pressed his thumb firmly onto the mark. Fuck, why didn't he ever look at it before? Now he doesn't even know how his name looked on Kageyama's body. What a fucking idiot. 

Kageyama stayed quiet as Oikawa rubbed his thumb into the scarred flesh. "I'm sorry." Oikawa said then. 

Was this the first time he had, actually, apologise for this? It was definitely the first time he said it because he wanted to, and not because that was the only thing to say. 

"I know," Kageyama responded. He gave the brunet a faint smile, and the older's heart twisted inwards. God damn it. 

"If only I could have seen it," Oikawa said, taking a deep, regretful sigh. His thumb pressed into the younger's hip. 

Kageyama reached up and flicked up a strand of Oikawa's hair. "Unfortunately they don't do reverse surgeries. I can draw it with a sharpie. Heh -"

"You cheeky little shit."

"Heh -" Kageyama giggled and Oikawa playfully glared. The younger then arched an eyebrow. "It's not my fault. But it's yours."

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. "Yes, thanks for that. I know." He then leaned down and kissed the scarred spot on on Kageyama's hip. It was a soft, tender kiss. The touch of his lips sent a spark through his own mark. He thought he imagined it, so he pressed another kiss to the outline of the faint O on Kageyama's skin. That feeling sparked once more, and he looked up at the younger, who was already sharing his look. "Did... did you feel that?" Oikawa asked. 

Kageyama nodded. "Yeah. Shouldn't I?"

Oikawa felt a weird tingle. So, he kissed the spot once more, and then gently licked it. "Not sure. Does it hurt?"

"Sort of. Should it?"

Oikawa frowned. He felt his own scar tingle, sting. He ignored it, as he crawled over Kageyama once more. He held onto the younger's hands, interlining their fingers as he leaned down and kissed him once more. He ignored the slight tingle as he pushed his tongue in the younger's mouth once more. 

Chapter Text

Oikawa stood in the bathroom, at 3.am. He was shirtless, since the t-shirt he was sleeping in had a patch of dried blood on it. He thought it was a nightmare again. That it wasn’t real and that it was not happening, but no matter how many times he blinked, and how many times he had turn over in bed, the dried scraps of blood were sticking to his hip. And he hated that fact, because he felt okay.

He felt fine, there was no pain. Aside from the slight tingle, there was nothing that hurt. And as soon as it happened, he asked Kageyama if he felt it too. And the younger got spooked and confused as well. The brunet laughed it off, and then they went to sleep. The younger wanted to go to the spare room where he had spent three previous nights, but Oikawa just wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, pulled him down and covered both of them with the blanket. He hugged Kageyama from behind, nuzzled into his neck (that might just be one of his favourite parts of Kageyama’s body) and went to sleep like that.

A subtle pain that reminded him of soft needle prickling into his side woke him up at 3.am. And the wet feeling on his hip, which was the blood. He was now standing there without his shirt on, looking at his wound in the mirror.

He was confused. Very confused, to the point of being baffled even. Because what the hell was going on? The kisses earlier felt good. Their make out felt good. Great even. So why is it, that he’s bleeding now? Why is it, that the dark red liquid is drying up on his hip. He was healed so he could not understand what the hell and why the hell this was happening. And it did not even hurt!

If there was some pain? Okay, sure makes sense for the blood to trickle. But there was no damn pain. Nothing.

He wiped it off, wrapped his hips again, and went back to sleep. He didn’t bother to get another shirt as he crawled back into his bed, where Kageyama was sleeping like a log. At least the younger wasn’t too worried. He doesn’t understand this, so he doesn’t want to spook the younger if it’s not necessary.

He sighed as he rolled onto his back. Kageyama subconsciously rolled into his side, and Oikawa couldn’t help but grin. He softly brushed his fingers through Kageyama’s black hair, his bare chest rising and falling with steady breaths. He fell into dreamless slumber afterwards, with his hand on Kageyama’s head.

-

Kageyama woke up in the morning with his lips parted. He needed a moment to register the fact his head was not propped up by a pillow. He blinked in confusion, before he realised, he was laying with his mouth open on Oikawa’s bare chest. His cheeks flushed, which was a ridiculous reaction considering the fact Oikawa literally had his hand down his pants.

Ha ha.

Holy shit, that – he still can’t believe that had actually happened. The moment Oikawa called him out on it, he thought the brunet is gonna get super angry. He doesn’t know why he had a feeling Oikawa is gonna scold him for thinking such vile thoughts about him. But oh gosh, the way Oikawa responded to him definitely surprised him, but ah it was a positive surprise.

His brain stored the encounter, and it replayed in his mind for about five times during the night. When the brunet kissed the spot where his soul mark was, he felt a soft tingling on the spot and in his chest as well. It stirred something inside of him, and he could see it in Oikawa’s face that the brunet could feel it too. He wanted to try and push the issue of them sealing and tying their bond once more, but –

Now that he knew of Oikawa’s reasoning. It made much more sense. At the end of the day, the brunette was just looking out for the both of them, and he was thinking of the long run situation. Kageyama –

Was not. He’s never really thought about anything ahead.

He attempted to roll of Oikawa with a red face as he wiped his mouth. But the brunette just rolled over and tightened his hold on him.

“...Good morning,” Kageyama said dumbly.

Oikawa mumbled something in response. Kageyama rolled onto his front. Oikawa laid his head on his back.

“...By the way. Why are you half naked?” he asked.

“Cause. Why not?” was Oikawa’s response. Kageyama didn’t say anything, so the older boy huffed. “There was blood on my shirt, okay? No biggie. It’s fine.”

“Wha –“ Kageyama craned his neck in alarm. “Blood?!”

“Meh. It’s nothing. Don’t you worry Tobio.” Oikawa said.

“You literally just said – “

“It does not hurt. So – “

“Don’t give me that shit. Don’t you dare lie to me,” Kageyama hissed. He violently rolled over, pulling Oikawa along. The older yelped, as the younger got on top of him. “I am serious. Please don’t do this to me. What happened?”

Oikawa rubbed his eyes. Ah. When the older was sleepy like this, he looked awfully adorable. Cute even. And Jesus, there were the words Kageyama would never, ever choose to describe the older guy. If anyone would have told him, that he’d have such fuzzy thoughts, that he was going to be in such a position and situation, he’d laugh in their face. And then follow up with a punch probably.

It was freaking him out even, just how much their relationship had changed.

Oikawa’s morning voice was low and deep as he looked up at the younger: “I don’t know, okay? But it literally does not hurt in the slightest, so it’s nothing. You don’t have to worry about it. If it’s gonna be a problem, I’ll tell you. You will also probably feel it even.”

“Promise.” Kageyama said, as he poked Oikawa’s forehead.

“I promise, I swear even. Okay?” Oikawa held up his hands.

Kageyama nodded. He then rolled off of the brunet and stood up. He stretched as he yawned. Looking over his shoulder, he asked Oikawa if they’re going on their morning run together. Oikawa did not respond immediately.

“...What?” The brunet blinked after a second.

Kageyama clicked his tongue. “Morning jog. You and me. Right now.”

“Hnn... are you sure you can keep up?” Oikawa said with a cheeky expression.

Kageyama was tempted to throw something at him. However, he was better than that. So, he settled on flipping Oikawa off, as he left the room.

And once he was out of Oikawa’s sight, he let out a deep breath. Holy fuck. Oikawa really didn’t have to do him like this. He was sure the brunet was still not aware of the effect he has on him. The sight of the older setter shirtless should not have stirred his insides so bad. Oikawa was older, and his body was definitely bigger. He was already looking like a proper sportsman, he already figured that out yesterday.

Well.

Now he knows more, because Oikawa’s chest was right under his fucking mouth. He buried his face in his hands. Later, he splashed cold water on his face and aggressively pointed at his own reflection: “Get yourself together you sick fuck! Enough with these perverse thoughts!”

He noticed he didn’t bleed through his shirt for the difference of Oikawa. Slight tingling was present, yes. But that was it. He raised his shirt to look at the faint scars. Nothing unusual. He knows that some part of their bond got permanently deleted. That much was clear even from that therapy. They couldn’t do some of the exercises, and Kageyama knows Oikawa blames himself for it. He knows the brunet feels guilty for the rift, but the really is that Kageyama might be the one who made it this bad.

Miwa was against it, Tsukishima was against it, hell even Hinata said he shouldn’t do it. But he had put that wall up, and when it crumbled, a part of them got buried underneath. But Oikawa doesn’t think it’s the younger’s fault.

Maybe it’s this guilt that’s the problem. But Kageyama is scared to talk about it first, so he doesn’t. Even when Oikawa sometimes looks at him with that knowing look in his brown eyes, he just forces a smile and shakes his head. He says he’s okay and that he knows exactly where they are. He knows his love for Oikawa had gotten stronger. That was another frightening thing he had grown accustomed to.

He won’t have that much problem when Oikawa really leaves for Argentina. Because he knows Oikawa’s love for volleyball might be stronger for his love for Kageyama. That thought didn’t hurt as much as the younger setter thought it would, because he himself was the same. Volleyball was number one, and Oikawa was right there. For him it was one and the same.

He was actually not able to keep up with Oikawa as they ran through the park. He let the brunet run ahead as he stopped by the water fountain. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and splashed his face with cold water. He still felt like he had something important to say, but he couldn’t remember. Even as Oikawa came back to find him on a bench, he couldn’t remember.

“So much for keeping up a?” Oikawa grinned.

Kageyama made a face. “I forget there’s three years between us sometimes.”

Oikawa cackled as he opened his water bottle and took a sip. Kageyama sighed as he leaned his head back against the headrest of the bench. The brunet sat down beside him, offering him the water.

“You okay?” Oikawa asked. Again. He tended to do that a lot lately, and Kageyama always said yes. Because it was the truth.

He took a sip of water and then looked at the brunet. “I think so.”

“You think so?” Oikawa arched an eyebrow. “That’s not a yes.”

“It’s not a no either.”

“Tobio.” Oikawa’s voice got stern. “What is it? Does it have something to do with Argentina?”

“No.” Kageyama looked away. “I don’t know. I have something to say at the back of my head, but I can’t remember. It’s not anything bad though.”

“... Huh.”

Kageyama looked at him. “I want an ice popsicle.”

Oikawa blinked. “An ice popsicle? Was that the thing clouding your mind?”

“Maybe I’m low on sugar – “

“You literally ate 5 slices of cake yesterday and had strawberry milk and ice-cream Tobio what – “

“Low blood sugar. That’s why I’m low on energy. Come on,” Kageyama stood up and grabbed Oikawa’s hand. “Buy me a popsicle!”

A warm smile settled on Oikawa’s lips, as he let the younger pull him up. “Okay, okay. I’ll get you your damn popsicle.”

He put an arm around Kageyama’s shoulder and pulled him close. “I didn’t know my little Tobio was a sweet tooth.”

“I think that’s your influence.” Kageyama said.

“Hah!” Oikawa laughed.

It was that real one again. And Kageyama’s insides were warm and fuzzy again. He had a feeling that the thought at the back of his head was not a bad one.