Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ranboo has created a group chat

Technoblade: fuck no

Technoblade has left the chat

Technoblade was added to the chat

Ranboo: :]

Dream: :)

Ranboo: no.

Dream: What-

Ranboo: n o .

Tommy: What the fuck

Tubbo: Oh hi :D

Ranboo: hi tubbo :D

Tommy: Im being replaced

Tubbo: no D:

George: Why did you make this Ranboo?

Ranboo: I just wanted to :]

Ranboo: i think

Ranboo: tbh i forgot why

George: i-

Sapnap: SUP BITCH

Karl: Hi sapnap :]

Bad: Language!

Tubbo: Aaaaa-

Ranboo: What’s wrong tubbo?

Tubbo: Other gc other gc-

Ranboo: O mk-

George: What-???

Ranboo: dw abt it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[E (Members; Eret, Ranboo, Fundy and Tubbo)]

Tubbo: I fucking lost my binder fuck fuck fuck-

Eret: Tubbo, it’s gonna be ok. I know where to get another mk? 

Tubbo: I need it right now- I was about to talk with Schlatt and i can’t just cancel that-

Fundy: Tubbo are you at your house? 

Tubbo: Yeah-

Fundy: 'kay, give me 2 minutes-

Tubbo: ???

[Two minutes later]

Tubbo: Fundy thank you so much i-

Fundy: No problem bro, i didn’t need that one anyways.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[New Chat]

Wilbur: I sleep for once and a group chat is made wtf

Ranboo: :]

Jschlatt: What the actual fuck is this?

Ranboo: A group chat idiot

Tubbo: Ranboo i-

Dream: I- Ranboo- Wtf-

Ranboo: :]

Karl: End scares me-

Karl has deleted one message

Karl: He scares me- 

Sapnap: Karl what did you delete?

Karl: I didn’t delete anything Sapnap-?

Sapnap: It literally says you deleted something in chat.

Karl: Dw abt it.

Sapnap: …

Ranboo: …

Karl: Sorry- Im sorry-

Sapnap and Ranboo have gone offline

Phil: Go to sleep it’s like 3 am-

Chapter Text

[Sbi + Bee boy and Ender child] 2:39 am

Ranboo: i woke up from a nightmare i think but i dont remember hhhhhh

Tubbo: O nu :[

Ranboo: im probs gonna pass out neways-

Phil: Ranboo when was the last time you remember sleeping without passing out?

Ranboo: i cant remember that far back :]

Phil: I- fuck this im going back to sleep- Sleep. Both of you.

Tubbo: Ok Dadza!

Ranboo: mk-

[New chat] 2:42 am

Chat name has been changed to gaymers

George: I- the one time im not sleeping i-

Dream: who did that

Tubbo: totally not me

Dream: Tubbo.

Dream: Why.

Tubbo: :D

Phil: Bee child i told you to sleep go to sleep before i take your fucking knees istg

Tubbo: o-o

Tubbo: Ok ok-

Dream: Philza minecraft what the fuck

Phil: :)

[E] 3:03 am

Ranboo: Fuck do any of you knoew how long ive been binding- i f o r g o t-

Fundy: Ranboo. Youve been binding for literally 15 hours. It is 2 am. Take your binder off now.

Ranboo: I’ve been what now

Fundy: Just take the binder off memory boy-

Ranboo: Oki-

~time skip~

[Karl and Sapnap DMs] 10:21 am

Sapnap: Karl.

Karl: yeah?

Sapnap: I wanna know what the fuck you deleted the other day

Karl: I really can’t tell you- i would be a terrible person for telling you without his permission-

Sapnap: What???

Karl: Just wait a bit, please? I know he’s not ready to tell people and told me since we both have memory problems and he trusted me, i dont wanna break that trust.

Karl: shit

Sapnap: Are you talking about Ranboo?

Karl has gone offline

Sapnap: Karl?

[Read 10:22 am]

[Ranboo and Sapnap DMs] 10:23 am

Sapnap: Ranboo?

Ranboo: Yeah?

Sapnap: Have you told Karl anything?? Sorry if im being rude im just worried about him and he mentioned someone with memory problems a few minutes ago…

Ranboo: …

Ranboo: Is this about the message he deleted?

Sapnap: Yes…

Ranboo: [screenshot.png] Here, here’s what it said. I haven’t told anyone other than Eret and Karl so…

Sapnap: What does ‘end’ mean?

Ranboo:  O H

Ranboo: Have you heard of Neopronouns?

Sapnap: Yeah i think so

Ranboo: Well- I use End/Ender/Enders/Enders/Enderself pronouns along with He/Him!

Sapnap: OH

Sapnap: POG

Ranboo: :D

Sapnap: I’ll leave you alone now- Wait- Do you wanna commit arson with me sometime???

Ranboo: y e s

[Gaymers]

Technoblade: Why am i here and why is the chat name that

Tubbo: :]

Technoblade: ew. A child.

Tubbo: :[

Tommy: YOU MADE TUBBO SAD I'LL STAB YOUR KNEE CAPS BITCH!

Technoblade: you really wanna fight me tommy??

Tommy: YEAH BITCH

Phil: Boys please stop fighting-

Wilbur: what the fuck

Eret: I- I woke up at the wrong time im gonna go pull a george and sleep through a war or something

George: I-

George: wtf???

Chapter Text

[Gaymers] 4:17 am

Phil: Ranboo why are you on a roof?

Ranboo: I have no idea :D

Technoblade: get off of the roof memory boy

Ranboo: i

Ranboo: i don’t know how 

Eret: What the actual fuck-

Eret: It’s 4 am-

Technoblade: this is normal eret

Eret: i-

Phil: Shit brb ranboo passed out on the roof-

Eret: i- is he ok-

Phil: he’ll be fine- probably-

Eret: that’s it im taking your new child phil

Phil: I- What-

Eret: ranboo is my son now bye bye

Phil: Eret you- how- how did you take him we are miles away from your castle i-

Eret: magic bitch

Ranboo: i just woke up in a castle wha

Puffy: Go to b e d - All of you please s l e e p-

Ranboo: aight-

[Gaymers] 10:00 am

Tommy: i wake up and ranboo is now eret’s son what the actual fuck

Eret: he is now the prince :]

Ranboo: :O

Chapter Text

[E] 3:13 pm

Ranboo: Goodmorning everyone

Tubbo: its three pm

Ranboo: goodnight everyone 

Eret: ranboo you concern me so much 

Ranboo: i think i concern everyone

Ranboo: anyways bye bye im gonna go pass out again

Eret: why is being a parent so h a r d-

Fundy: eret why is ranboo on the roof of your castle

Eret: w H A T

[Eret and Awesamdude DMs] 3:44 pm

Eret: being a parent is hard please help 

Sam: I

Sam: when did you have a child

Eret: i kinda sorta kidnapped ranboo from phil and techno and he may or may not be my new prince

Eret: also he keeps passing out on roofs and i am concerned

Sam: why ask me?? 

Eret: i dunno you’re like the only responsible adult other than puffy and she’s busy 

Sam: eret i can’t just tell you how to be a parent

Eret: well shit

Eret: UH GOTTA BLAST RANBOO PASSED OUT AND FELL OF THE ROOF-

Sam: excuse me w h a t

[Gaymers] 4:28 pm

Eret: first day of being a parent and he’s already injured how the fuck

Sapnap: Wh

Sapnap: W h a t

Eret: ranboo may or may not have passed out and fell off the roof while i was talking to sam and he may or may not be injured

Tubbo: i am now starting to seee why people are concerned about him

Tommy: WHAT

Tubbo: our friend ranboo, our fellow traumatized minor (fuck you dream) has f a l l e n 

Tommy: OH THE H O R R O R

Tubbo: we need a new one lets go get purpled

Purpled: mcscuse me

Purpled: fuck they’re at my house uh bye i guessdjhkbgdsg

Dream: damm they got to him before i did 

Sapnap: this is why they hate you dream

Dream: e h

Techno: why cant i leave

Ranboo: :)

Techno: ranboo you fell off of a roof shouldn’t you be healing and not on your phone

Ranboo: i whafhkgjsdhlg

Eret: i took his phone 

Karl: im so confused

Quackity: how have i not realized this was a thing before HELLO PEOPLE

Karl: hi quackity! :]

Quackity: hi karl 

Sapnap: YES BOTH OF MY FINANCES ARE HERE LETS GO COMMIT ARSON 

Quackity: THAT SOUNDS A M A Z I N  G 

Karl: i would tell you not to but that forest over there looks pretty nice rn

{Karl, Quackity and Sapnap have gone offline}

Eret: thats not good

Fundy: what the fuck

Eret: i have no idea

Eret: anyways ranboo is asleep again but i dont know if he should be someone help

Puffy: ill be there in 5 minutes

Eret: thanks puffy!!

~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~

[the children] 5:15 am  

Ranboo: GUESS WHO GOT HIS PHONE BACK

Tommy: AYYY BIG MAN

Tubbo: RANBOOOO

Purpled: finally ive had to walk around with these losers for hours 

Ranboo: you’re one of us now purpled accept your fate

Purpled: id rather not thanks

[Sbi + Bee boy and Ender child] 6:00 am

Wilbur: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tommy: wilbur stop screaming your scaring tubbo

Tubbo: im not scared you are -._-.

Tommy: SHUT UP

Tubbo: :(

Tommy: fuck im sorry tubbo

Phil: why are any of you awake

Wilbur: Why are y o u awake dadza

Phil: shut

Wilbur: nah im gonna go eat some sand now bye

Techno: i am very concerned but i am just going to ignore it

Tommy: Ranboo??? R u awake memory boy?

Ranboo: no

Ranboo: im sleeping fuck off

Tommy: ranboo what the fuck 

Phil: wha

[Tommy and Eret DMs] 6:19 am

Tommy: ey uh ranboo just told me to fuck off in the sbi + tubbo and ranboo gc is he okay

Eret: huh

Eret: ranboo’s sleeping 

Eret: he fell asleep with Puffy and me while we were watching movies

Tommy: [ranboo_says_fuck.png] then who the fuck is this 

Eret: wait wh

Eret: ranboo’s just fucking gone????

Tommy: what??!

Eret: normally i would say not to worry but its 6 am and he is injured from falling off of a r o o f-

Tommy: well fuck uhm

Eret: call sam to help?

Tommy: call sam to help. 

[Eret and Sam DMs] 6:23 am

Eret started a call  

“Hello? What is it Eret its 6 am..”

“Have- Have you seen Ranboo?? He just fucking dissapeared and- and Tommy sent me a screenshot of him saying ‘fuck off’ I’m- I’m worried-” 

“What? Eret, calm down, he is half enderman, he might of just teleported and couldn’t find his way back.. Wait. One second.”

Sam is now on deafen 

“Sam? Sam what’s going on? Sam?!?”

Sam is now undefened  

“Dream- Dream’s escaped.”

Chapter Text

{3rd person POV} 

Everyone was panicking. Tommy and Tubbo were the most, as the person that manipulated Tommy had escaped. Eret was scared for his new son.. They were worried, so fucking worried that Ranboo would get hurt or killed, or that end was with Dream. 

Tommy, Tubbo, Eret and Fundy met everyday to try and find Ranboo. But, as a week passed, then another week, and another week, they started to give up hope. 

“Eret… We’re not gonna find him, are we?” Tommy had asked, after the third week had passed by with no signs of Dream or Ranboo. 

“We… We’re gonna find him. I promise.” Eret had said, but they didn’t believe a word they were saying… They were 99% sure that Ranboo was dead or with Dream, somewhere they couldn’t find him… 

After a month, Fundy quit searching. He was heartbroken that they hadn’t found Ranboo, his best friend, after a month of searching but he had things to do. 

Another month passed with no sign of Ranboo or Dream yet again. Eret was tired, and wanted to find their son. Tommy and Tubbo were also tired, not of the search, but of Dream, and swore to whatever fucking god was out there that they would get rid of him once and for all as soon as they found him.

Soon it had been 6 months since Ranboo disappeared, and Purpled also disappeared. The whole server was in a panic. Two of the minors had disappeared within six months of each other. 

Everyone was losing hope except someone, a hybrid. The very half enderman that had been stolen from his new home in the castle himself.

~~With Ranboo~~

It was dark, it always was. Purpled had been moved to a different room a few days ago. At least Ranboo thought it was a few days… End had been here for… 3 months? That's not right.. 4? No.. 5?? Nope… Had end really been gone for 6 months..? End couldn’t have been… It felt like it was yesterday that end, Puffy and Eret had been watching movies in the castle… 

It was best not to think about that right now. Not with Purpled in danger. Not with endself in danger. Not with Tubbo and Tommy in possible danger. Ranboo stood up for a second before falling again, end still hadn’t healed from enders fall from the castle roof. Dream then walked into the room…

“Hello Ranboo” he said in that fucking voice that Ranboo knew all too well. “Not trying to escape, are we?” 

“N- No I- I’m not..” End said back, scared. Dream laughed. Not the normal laugh, but a scary one. A dangerous one.

“Good. Don’t try again.” With that the man left the room, and Ranboo knew he wouldn’t be back for days. Ranboo couldn’t remember the last time he ate or slept but he was alive. Purpled was alive. That’s all that matters. 

~~With Purpled~~

Purpled had heard what Dream said to Ranboo, and he hated it. He hated it here. He wanted to leave, to go home. He wanted to save Ranboo. He wanted to save himself. He wanted to see Tommy and Tubbo, even if they were annoying as shit. 

Like Ranboo, he has also lost track of time so far. To him it's been a day but.. It's been 3 weeks at this point. He knew everyone was worried. He knew and that's part of why he wanted to get home. Because he didn’t want anyone worried about him. But, he would have to have people worried about him to get out of this fucking place.

Chapter Text

3rd pov, following ranboo 

Ranboo knew Dream was planning something. End knew. Ranboo kept hearing things being moved around, as if Dream was preparing for something…

Was he preparing for something? Ranboo didn't really know… but end was scared. End didn't want to see or hear enders friends getting hurt, and he knew whatever Dream was doing wasn't good.

And then another week had passed. Ranboo had been there for seven months and Purpled had been there for one. They started to give up hope that they'd ever be saved…

But Ranboo couldn't give up. End couldn't. End needed to see Purpled save. To see Eret safe. To see everyone safe.

But end was starting to give up on that. 

It had been almost a year since he was taken from enders new family, and no one had found end. Were they even looking for Ranboo? That thought had passed through enders head many times. End wanted to see enders family safe, but, did they want to see end safe?...

Ranboo didn't want to think about it. There were also some side effects with being here with the fuckin teletubby. Ranboo's memory was getting worse and worse each day, causing him to start forgetting English, speaking mostly in enderman.

Dream did not like that.

He hated when Ranboo would speak in enderman. Ranboo kept enders mouth shut most of the time he was with Dream. End knew if he spoke in enderman, even on accident, he would feel so much pain.

So he kept his mouth shut. And basically forgot how to speak english… 

Chapter Text

{Eret POV} 

I sat in my castle, it felt empty without Ranboo in here, even though end only lived here for a day… I sigh, putting on my glasses, walking out to meet Tubbo and Tommy where we usually do. 

I didn’t see them. ‘ Huh. They’re usually here before me.. ’ Then the panic set in. 

‘ What if they got taken too??! ’

‘ What if Dream took them?! ’

‘What if’s filled my head as I looked around for them, finally seeing them walking towards me, after about 10 minutes. “Oh thank fuck you’re ok-” 

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Tommy said with his stupid, cocky smile. “Do you actually care about us Eret?”

“Shut up-” I said shoving him towards Tubbo. We all laughed as we set off to look for Ranboo and Purpled for the… 5th time this week?... The days were all mushing together at this point. The same things happened each day, we’d meet up, go in a different direction each day, one of us would find something, that something would be nothing, we’d go home. It was the same each day.

Until it wasn’t. 

“Uh- HEY GUYS?-” We heard Tubbo shout from where he was searching. Me and Tommy looked at each other then ran to him. He was holding a tie, Ranboo’s it looked like, covered in purple blood, and there was purple blood trailing away from where the tie was. It looked like there were two sets of footprints then one suddenly stopped. 

This wasn’t a something that is actually a nothing.

This could lead them to Ranboo. 

We followed the blood, and it led to a… building? House? I didn’t know what to call it. But it was big and had, many, many rooms. “Tommy, Tubbo. Go get Sam and Puffy. Then go home. I’m not risking losing you two as well... “ 

“I’m not leaving you here by yourself!! You have to go get them with us!- Please?” Tommy shouted from behind me, and I turned around, sighing.

“Go get them, I’ll be alright. I promise.” I said with a smile. Tommy and Tubbo reluctantly walked off to get Sam and Puffy. I drew my sword and put on some armour that I brought. 

Sam and Puffy got there soon after, being led by Tommy. 

“You found them??” Sam looked hopeful but there was a glint of something else… Mistrust. He didn’t trust that I found them. And that's understandable. Very understandable actually… Me being the king of Dream's nation and all..

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at them “Yeah. I think I did.” I then looked at Tommy behind them. “Tommy. Go home. Stay safe.” 

“What?! No! I’m not gonna leave you three here to fight Dream by yourself!!” He looked panicked… How much had this kid gone through… I sighed. 

“Please? Tommy. I don’t want you to lose your last life so… Please? For Ranboo? For Purpled?” My voice totally didn’t crack while saying that. Nope. I'm a big big person. I'm not on the edge of tears at a l l.

“Fine. Just- Please come home safe?” I couldn’t tell what he was feeling at that moment since, unusually, he was hiding his emotions… 

“I will Toms.” I realized after he walked away that I used his old nickname that we had. It brought back memories of the first war.. 

I sigh and look at Puffy and Sam, “You guys ready?” They nodded. I opened up the door with my sword up and shield at the ready.

I see Dream turn around and get his sword out as I open the door. “What are you doing here?!” I chuckled, looking him in the eyes over my sunglasses. 

“I’m here to save my fucking family.” I draw my sword and Sam and Puffy do the same. Dream swings his sword to hit me but I block it and Sam gets a hit on his side, as Puffy gets past him and starts looking through the rooms. 

Then I felt a pain in my side. I looked and saw that he got a hit on me and I was bleeding. Like a lot. “Fuck-” I mutter as i try to keep up but someone dragged me outside… Phil? When- When did he get here? And Techno? When- I realize my vision is blurry- Fuck- 

“....ret, Eret, Eret look at me, look at...” I hear Phil saying things to me.. I can’t understand.. I’m tired… 

“‘m tired Phil…” He started to look panicked. Why? I was just tired… Am i not allowed to sleep?... 

“Hey- Hey- Hey don’t sleep yet Eret, wait till we get home, mk?” He looked panicked but sounded calm… Then I saw Puffy and Sam with Ranboo and Purpled.. I tried to sit up but it only hurt more…

“O- Ok Phil…” My vision was even blurrier.. Then I realized. 

I was bleeding out.

Chapter Text

I heard people outside of the room I’m in. Then the door opened.. “↸∷ᒷᔑᒲ? ∴ᔑ╎ℸ ̣ - リ𝙹 ╎ᒲ ᓭ𝙹∷∷||- ∴⍑|| ᓵᔑリ'ℸ ̣  ╎ ᓭ!¡ᒷᔑꖌ- ᒷリ⊣ꖎ╎ᓭ⍑-” Crap- No i had to remember- The person said something to me but i only understood ‘safety’ and ‘Eret’

I couldn’t recognise the person- They had pink hair- Niki? Wait- No it’s Techno! Techno?- Why would Techno come to save me?- I saw two other people in the door behind him… Puffy? And Purpled? 

I let out a scared enderman noise- “Tech-no?” I saw him nod and i relaxed a bit- It’s not Dream. I’m safe…? I looked behind him and saw someone fighting Dream- Sam? It’s Sam right- Yeah-

Then i saw Eret. As soon as i saw him i made a confused and scared enderman noise and felt tears come to my eyes- I looked at Techno and tired to understand what he was saying… “....Safe….Eret….Fine….Home…” I was confused- I wanted to leave- i wanted to go home- Eret needs to be ok- She would be fine- Right? Right…? 

I looked at Techno again, “ᒷ∷ᒷℸ ̣ 'ᓭ ⊣𝙹リリᔑ ʖᒷ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||? ∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣ ?” He seemed to understand at least some of it and nodded. He thought for a moment before saying, “ᒷ∷ᒷℸ ̣  ∴╎ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||. ||𝙹⚍'ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||. ╎'ᒲ ⊣𝙹╎リ⊣ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ⊣ᒷℸ ̣  ||𝙹⚍ ⍑𝙹ᒲᒷ. “ I nodded, a bit happy. Techno helped me up and got me out of the house- Building- thing- 

I saw Purpled, and Puffy- “∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ'ᓭ ᓭᔑᒲ?” Techno responded, because apparently he knew Enderman/Enchanting table- “⍑ᒷ'ᓭ ℸ ̣ ᔑꖌ╎リ⊣ ↸∷ᒷᔑᒲ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ !¡∷╎ᓭ𝙹リ. ⍑ᒷ'ᓭ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||. “ He’s okay. He’s okay… I saw Phil carrying Eret over to us and i made a concerned enderman warble. “ᒷ∷ᒷℸ ̣ ?” 

Phil smiled at me and said something to Techno, who said to me, “ᒷ∷ᒷℸ ̣ 'ᓭ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||. ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ||'∷ᒷ 𝙹ꖌᔑ||. “ I nodded and smiled. Eret’s okay. Purpled’s okay. Puffy’s okay. Sam’s okay. Techno’s okay. Tommy’s okay. Tubbo’s okay. They’re all okay.

Chapter Text

[gaymers] 3:00pm 

Ranboo: WE LIVE

Tubbo: YESSS WOOOOO

Jschlatt: who the fuck

Wilbur: shush goat boy

Purpled: we do in fact live

Sapnap: I HAVE MY ARSON BUDDY BACK YES

Ranboo: ayy? 

Ranboo: anyways im having techno type since i forgot how to speak or type english

Eret: mcscuse me

Phil: eret please go back to bed and get off your phone you almost just bled out please

Eret: nah

Phil: goddammit

Niki: im s o r r y ?

Fundy: UH HUH??

Ranboo: w h a t ?

Eret: im phine

Eret: fine* 

Fundy: sure you are 

Tommy: im going to scr  e a m

Fundy: you always scream child

Tommy: stfu furry

Fundy: ill stab you

Tommy: do it you wont

Tommy: pussy

Tommy: wAITDB BNMDVHBNK

Fundy: dont test me

Tubbo: WHAT HAPPENED

Fundy: i punched him

Tommy: FUCK YOU BITCH

Fundy: no thanks </3

Eret: PFFT LMAO

Techno: ranboo has fallen asleep and i have just realized i need to teach him english again . _ .

Eret: it be like that sometimes

Techno: it dont

Techno: it really dont

Puffy: children please

[E] 3:45pm

Ranboo: u sjwnake e?

Eret: child what

Ranboo: english no???

Eret: child please just type in your normal language ill find a translator

Ranboo: ⍑𝙹∴ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍑ᒷᓵꖌ ↸𝙹 ||𝙹⚍ ᓭ!¡ᒷᔑꖌ ᒷリ⊣ꖎ╎ᓭ⍑

Eret: honestly i have no idea myself 

Tubbo: same .^.

Fundy: im gonna go punch tommy again fuck this

Tubbo: wait no

Chapter Text

[Gaymers] 10:03 am

George: goodmorning

Fundy: what

Fundy: where have you b e e n

George: sleeping

Fundy: FOR 7 MONTHS SXMDGHSADKHKGFAHDKJS

George: huh??

Sapnap: george what the fuck

Sapnap: thats a coma

George: well im off to have another coma again i guess

Sapnap: wait no come back

Eret has changed George’s nickname to sleepy bottom

Eret: look what i found >:)

sleepy bottom: what the fuck

Sleepy bottom: fuck this im going back to my coma

Eret: NBGSDKJMFASJKM,FDNSHFKHDSKFHALJHL

Phil: eret please for the last time stay in bed 

Eret: fuck you philza minecraft i do what i wantdnhgskdjgasldk

Fundy: grandad help she passed out

Techno: Phil just audibly sighed and walked out the front door.

Techno: I hate all of you just so you know.

Techno: Other than Ranboo and Phil.

Fundy: the favoritism is obvious :pensive:

Fundy: also disgusting why do you type like that i hate it

Techno: I dunno

Techno: Also, Ranboo knows basic words and phrases now.

Tubbo: that’s good!!!!

Fundy changed Tubbo’s name to bee boy

Bee boy: oh youre gonna be like that huh

Bee boy changed Fundy’s name to furry

Furry: this is why tommy is my favorite uncle

Bee boy: you literally punched him like five times in the past few days i

Tommy: YEAH WHAT THE FUCK

Furry: :)

Ranboo has come online

Ranboo: fundy i hate you /lh /j

Ranboo has gone offline

Furry: what the fuck ;-;

[E] 12:49 pm

Tubbo: just tried to sing the alfabet in my head and brain started with "red".

Eret: love that the alphabet goes red b c d e f g-

Fundy: i

Chapter Text

[gaymers] 3:09 am

Eret: but george dude seriously i am so concerned

Sleepy bottom: its been a day

Eret: i know but like you cant sleep for 7 months, wake up, say gm, simp for the green blob then fall asleep again

Sleepy bottom: i mean

Sleepy bottom: i do what i want

Sleepy bottom: depression is fucking crazy man

Eret: our types of depression are very different

Eret: i stay up all night reading hurt/comfort fanfictions you sleep for 7 months while two children get kidnapped

Techno: You really called me out with the hurt/comfort part-

Eret: JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK

Eret: I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE HERE DFHKASLSFJHADGSHJFH

Techno: jesus

Wilbur: what the fuck

Eret: wilbur where the fuck have you been 

Wilbur: playing solitaire with schlatt

Schlatt: mhm

Eret: nah fuck this im going back to projecting and reading hurt/comfort while having a breakdown this shit is wack

Techno: mood

Wilbur: techno are you okay

Techno: no why

Wilbur: ah understandable have a nice day

[E] 10:05 am

Eret: can someone tell me why fundy is sobbing???

Tubbo: huh?

Ranboo: ????????

Fundy: sooooup 

Eret: fundy what the fuck

Fundy: sooup bowl soooooup

Tubbo: is he drunk or something???

Fundy: SOOOUP 

Eret: hes sobbing harder now????

Fundy: soup i just sooup

Eret: do you want soup?

Fundy: no soup fucking sucks but s o o u p

Ranboo has left the group

Tubbo has added Ranboo

Tubbo: you arent aloud to read memory boy

Tubbo: leave*

Ranboo: i know i cant read ;-;

Tubbo: the n h o w  t h e fu c ck ?

Ranboo: basic english :}

Eret: and fundy just stopped crying and ran out of the castle what the fuck

Fundy: :)

Eret: sigh

Chapter Text

[Gaymers] 7:02 am

Wilbur: i havent slept in like 2 weeks

Eret: same

Phil: i swear to myself i will knock both of you out- sleep, children

Eret: phil did you just refer to yourself as god?????

Techno: i mean hes not wrong

[Wilbur has changed Phil’s nickname to god]  

god: .^.

Eret: i am filled with fear

Wilbur: as you shoULDKGDSLDSAHKJDFL

Eret: wilbur what happened???

Eret: wilbur??

Eret: wait

Eret: pHIL PLEASECMBHDSGVHJKADSKJAHK

[Eret and Wilbur have gone offline]

Techno: Phil what did you do to them?

god: youre next technoblade

Techno: Ive never felt fear before this moment 

[Techno has gone offline]

furry: what the fuck

god: dont think im not coming for you, fundy

furry: n o

Ranboo: eret??? Okay???

god: eret is okay

Ranboo: good.

[Ranboo has gone offline]

Bee boy: i feel threatened

Tommy: same >:|

god: Children. 

bee boy: yes philza minecraft

Tommy: IM NOT A CHILD PHILJDSAJFKDSJ’AKLF

bee boy: tommy??

bee boy: oh no

[Tommy and bee boy have gone offline]

sleepy bottom: someone please tell me how to change my name

Bad: i will!!

Sleepy bottom: thank you bad

Sapnap: bad why havent you talked at all once

Bad: ive been busy with the egg

[Techno has come online] 

Techno: turn the egg into an omelette

[Techno has gone offline]

Bad: >:0000

Sapnap: yknow i agree sorry dad

Sapnap: bad**

Karl: i caught that on camera bitch

Bad: language!! 

Karl: sorry bad :]

Sapnap: you saw nothing karl

Karl: mhm

[Quackity has changed Sapnap’s nickname to Subpoena]

Subpoena: what the fuck is that (ikr??)

Quackity: it keeps correcting your name to that and the author got tired

Karl: ??????

Karl: how many drugs are you on quackity???

[Quackity has gone offline] 

Subpoena: what the actual fuck

[Sleepy bottom has changed nickname to George]

George: thats better

[Subpoena has changed George to colorblind]

colorblind: i am going to steal all of your left shoes

Subpoena: wait i need those for Karl

Karl: what

Dream: i stole a phone from the child so guess who’s back

Subpoena: fuck you

Karl: fuck you

colorblind: fuck you

god: fuck you

Bad: ..

Bad: fuck you

Niki: fuck you for taking my little brother >:(((

Punz: fuck you 

[Tommy has come online]

Tommy: FUCK YOU YOU KALE SMOTHIE 

Purpled: i very strongly dislike you mr wastaken

[Sam has removed Dream from chat]

Sam: as much as i want to bully him i had to remove him

Purpled: thanks sam

Schlatt: who are half of these people

[bee boy has come online] 

bee boy: shut up schlatt

Schlatt: ;-;

Tommy: WOO GO TUBBO

[Eret has come online] 

Eret: im alive sadly

[Ranboo has come online] 

Ranboo: eret!!

Eret: hi ranboo 

[Wilbur has come online]

Wilbur: @god why cant we be like that???

god: sigh

(12 pages wowie)

[Techno has come online]

Techno: i agree with wilbur

Techno: i hate that i said that

Wilbur: wow im your brother be nice

Tommy: you literally cry when i say im your brother shut

Wilbur: do not say that i will cry

Tommy: i stole one of fundys knives i will stab you

[Furry has come online] 

furry: you w h a t ?

Tommy: wait no fundy im sorry

furry: i will punch you again

Wilbur: thats my son!!

furry: you lost the title of dad a LONG time ago Will

Wilbur: qnq

Eret: im his father now

Eret: i will take phil’s status of everyone’s dad soon

god: o-o

Eret: :}

Karl: is no one gonna question that bad said fuck earlier????

Chapter Text

[Gaymers] 7:32

Furry: just stabbed a child, feeling good

Tommy: TUNDY YOU BASTARDSDHSHSHHDBSNNSNS

Furry: :)

ERET: fundy what the hell did you do

Furry: nothing :)

Ranboo: that true not

Techno: ranboo please just let me type for you so you make sense 

Eret: fundy. Do not make me get Phil.

Furry: wait please don't get the old man mad at me

Subpoena: get the old man mad at him 

Eret: @god @god @god 

god: what is it?

Eret: fundy stabbed tommy or sum

god: what do you want me to do

Eret: dear god you are a terrible father

god: I don't see how that matters right now

Eret: you just???? ignored your son getting stabbed???

god: still don't see what's wrong with that

Eret: y'know what- no- nope- I'm taking the rest of your kids too-

god: okay?

Techno: dadza wait what

Wilbur: p h i l ?

Tommy: WHAT THE FUCK???

Tubbo: me too? :(

Eret: who ever is in phil's custody is not safe and I'm stealing them

Techno: Im an adult I don't need to be taken

Eret: shush

[Bad has come online] 

Bad: Phil, they're your kids, you have to take care of them :(((

Sam: this is why me and puffy wanted to take tommy and tubbo

god: I don't see a problem with my parenting??? 

Puffy: oh there are m an y problems with your parenting.

[God has gone offline]

Techno: what the hell,,,

Techno: I'm going to go talk to him.

[Techno has gone offline] 

Furry: aren't I technically in phil's care too?

Eret: nah I adopted you and didnt pull a george this time

Colorblind: I hate it here.

Karl: I still am confused as to why no one has talked about how no one has said anything about bad telling dream fuck you

Subpoena: we don't talk about that karl

Karl: ,,,,alright,,,,

Eret: I have just legally adopted four more children

Wilbur: can confirm was one of the children getting adopted

Eret: @god I stole your children😘

Chapter Text

[E] 5:02 pm

Eret: hey guys i just swallowed some glass :D

Fundy: eret you w h a t

Eret: my mouh is bleeding but its fine

Fundy: it is not fine

Tubbo: what???!!

Eret: m fine guys

Ranboo: eret glass is not good for you :(

Tubbo: yeah!! Listen to my husband!!

Eret: your what

Ranboo: uh

Tubbo: shit uh

Tubbo: back to glass- dont eat glass you fuck

Eret: but clear sand is yummy

Fundy: stop it youre acting like wilbur and its scaring me

Eret: :D

Fundy: sigh

Fundy: do i need to get niki

Eret: wait no

Eret: she’ll yell at me :((

Fundy: thats the point because YOU ATE GLASS

Eret: im finejdsaahjdfkjl

[Eret has gone offline]

Fundy: eret?

Ranboo: eret??

Tubbo: eret?????

[Gaymers] 5:28 pm

Fundy: has anyone seen eret???

Puffy: i walked into the castle to talk to him and they were passed out???

Puffy: what happened???

Fundy: the idiot ATE GLASS

Niki: she w h a t

[Eret has come online] 

Eret: hhhhi

Eret: imm okay

Niki: you ate glass you are not okay

Eret: i just threw up because i swallowed a bunch of blood but m okay

Puffy: you worry me so much Eret :((((

Eret: i worry myself

Eret: welp off to eat somemore glass see u

Puffy: eret nO-

Niki: i

Chapter Text

[Eret has created a group chat]

[Forcefully adopted family]

Eret: hello children 

Techno: eret I am the same age as you

Techno: and a god

Eret: my dad is literally herobrine shush child

Techno: HEH

Tubbo: hii!!

Ranboo: hi tubbo hi eret!!

Wilbur: why am I here

Eret: I adopted you and all you siblings and your son and ranboo

Wilbur: oh yeah

Wilbur: you want glass?

Eret: clear glass??? yes please

Ranboo: eret do not test me I have your father's number

Eret: fuck him I get gl a s s

Ranboo: sigh

[Ranboo had added Herobrine]

Herobrine: tf is this

Herobrine: WAIT ERET MY CHILD

eret: hii dad,,,,,,,,

Herobrine: what did you do

Eret: I may or may not have adopted,,,,, 6,,,,, people,,,

Herobrine: and?

Eret: ...ate glass..

Herobrine: A G A I N ?

Techno: what the fuck do you mean "again"???

Tubbo: TECHNOSWEAR? TECHNOSOFT?

Techno: shut

Herobrine: they are glass as a child a whole bunch

Ranboo: okay but like,,,, glass does look kinda good rn,, normal food can go die or sum I want c l e a r s a n d-

Tommy: why do I even bother with you fucks 

Eret: N O.

Chapter Text

[E]

Karl Jacobs and Georgenotfound have been added to chat

Fundy: ohh?👀👀

Karl Jacobs: oh hi fundy! what is this gc btw

Fundy: anyone that isn't cis is here so,,,,

Karl Jacobs: ho w the honk did you know

Eret: I have magic ✨✨

Georgenotfound: you eat glass more than you eat food

Eret: what it's good

Georgenotfound: sigh

Georgenotfound's nickname has been changed to georgenotcis

Georgenotcis: what the fuck 

Georgenotcis: HOW DIX YOU KNOA

eret: I already told you :>

Eret: ANYWAYS PRONOUN TIME FUCKHOES

Eret: I use all of them. All of the gender is mine.

Ranboo: he/they I think

Fundy: he/him ftm 

Tubbo: he/him and bee/bees :}

Karl Jacobs: he/they/honk !! :D

Georgenotcis: he/him afab but like exe/404/exes/404s is nice

Eret: you all have very good pronouns I love them

Eret: I have just been informed of something one second

Tommy has been added to chat

Tommy: HELLO BIG PEOPLE

Tubbo: Hello Tommy!!!

Tommy: TUBBOOOO

Fundy: stop that

Eret: TOMMY I REQUEST YOUR PRONOUNS

Tommy: HE/HIM AND THEY/THEM AFAB 

Eret: THANK YOU BIG MAN

Georgenotcis: can I go sell my soul to dreamXD again??? Please????

Eret: you're not aloud to leave anymore

Eret: o also I am going to legally adopt you and karl

Karl Jacobs: excuse me?

Eret: the papers have been signed children

Tommy: how has my family gotten bigger after being adopted

Eret: anyways glass time

Ranboo: NO-

Eret: ranboo you may be my favourite but you can't stop me

Fundy: yk what I agree with the colorblind one can I leave

Eret: no❤️

Eret: wait wait wait oooo more news gimme a few seconds :D

Technoblade has been added to chat

Technoblade: hullo

Tommy: wait why Are you here??

Technoblade: did you really think anyone with the name technoblade would be cis? 

Tommy: oh.

Eret: pronouns now pigman 

Technoblade: never call me that

Technoblade: he/they deity/deitys/deityself

Eret: very pog

Georgenotcis: I have a feeling all of you need sleep and therapy. just like me

Georgenotcis: so I'm gonna sleep now uh gn ig 

Eret had changed the chat name to cisn't

Chapter Text

CHAPTER FUCKING I DONT KNOW ANYMORE

[cisn’t]

Eret: i just realized i could like. stop doing king shit. since dream’s in prison-

Georgenotcis: thats a great idea do it bestie

Karl Jacobs: ome yes do it

Eret: ome?

Karl Jacobs: youre god now sorry its the rules

Eret: damm you gonna make me cry in the kitchen at 5 am

Karl Jacobs: it be like that sometimes

Technoblade: it really do

Tommy: What the fuck.

Tubbo: oh hello tommy!!

Tommy: hello Tubbo

Ranboo: thats my husband /j /lh

Eret: didnt i adopt both of you???

Ranboo: wait yeah.

Tubbo: when did we get married? Before or after the addopyion?

Ranboo: ….beforeeee?

Tubbo: did i marry into the family????

Ranboo: MAYBE????

Eret: lets. say that-

Fundy: WOULD YOU RATHER BE A WOMAN OR A LIZARD

Eret: half of the people in this chat are afab what did you think would happen fundy

Fundy: i have no ida

Fundy: im so tired right now

Georgenotcis: SLEEP

Fundy: you stole my husband im not listening to you

Georgenotcis: damn :pensive:

Eret: son please sleep

Fundy: fi n e.

Ranboo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Eret: sigh

[gay-mers]

Chat name has been changed to ong by Fundy

George: what

Fundy: ong

Fundy: oh no god

Eret: SLEEP 

Fundy: nœ

Eret: mm?m??mzjJMj=€[¢=]|¶{€{¢]}¢}($($(#)

Fundy: eret what happened?

Fundy: eret??

Eret: :)

Ranboo: eret?

Fundy: what??

Eret: hwowowoeknkjds i dontk n o w

Charlie: same

Wilbur: CHARLIE 

Charlie: WILBUR

Tommy: what the fuck

Tommy: you like the adopted one more than me

Wilbur: ofc child

Charlie: yknow i wasnt ever officially adopted

Wilbur: fuck charlie we have a new parent now

Charlie: ooh

Eret: SUP FUCKER

Charlie: ADOPT ME

Eret: YES. 

Phil: im losing children left and right- 

Eret: good. 

Eret: anyways charlie come to my castle i signed the papers n shit

Charlie: wa i t that was so f a s t-

Eret: >:>

Charlie: omw ig-

Foolish: eret i want to platonically marry you

Eret: omg yes

Puffy: look at my son, all grown up, platonically marrying his best friend

Ranboo: AYY MORE PEOPLE IN THE PLATONIC MARRAGIE GANG

Tubbo: POG

Tommy: ._.

Charlie: eret im at your castle

Eret: charlie its been 1 minute how the shit

Charlie: im a slimy boi

(A SLIMY BOI LOGAN- /j my tss hyperfication is back if you coulsnt tell (and i turned off autocorrect))

[Eret has changed nickname to parent]

Parent: :>

Foolish: this is why i platonically married you

Eret: and taxes 

Charlie: what the fuck are taxes anyways

Charlie: i dont pay those 

Wilbur: MMMM T A X F R A U D 

Techno: tax evasion is pretty cool. 

Charlie: exactly

Chapter Text

uhm
hey
its been a while hasnt it
I'm still alive despite popular belief
I uploaded a new eret centric fic
our system has gotten to 186 or so alters
I am now named vincent or ghost
I might update this soon if I get into the habit of writing
I'm also hyperfixated on criminal minds now, sorta, so that's cool
I have a whole spencer fic written out somewhere
does anyone read this anymore?
hope yall are still alive
I'm gonna stop rambling now so bye everyone stay safe folks !! <3
~ghost/vincent/author