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“i hope i don’t live to see tomorrow.”
his eyes, that were once glossing across the sentences in his book, turned them to the woman. she was laying across his bed, her head on his lap. hair in knots. cut unevenly. clothes wrinkled, having been slept in for days. his eyebrows rose as he closed his book.
“oh? and why’s that?”
“so i don’t ever have to live in my body.”
he pondered how that felt. he adapted to his superpowers, it was simply normal to him. he knew what he could have but he didn’t have it. that was fine with him, he made do and his life was good. her voice small and meek, spoke aloud once more.
“because i hate myself.”
slowly, he felt hands tighten on his shirt. her legs started curling into the fetal position. he felt wetness soak in to his sweater.
“because i’m awful. i’m absolutely nothing.”
putting down his book, he tilted his head down to stare at the young woman. her body started shaking as she started gasping for air.
“i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself.”
she spoke in wisps of breath. he gently peeled her hand off from his sweater and held it loosely. he curled down with his other arm wrapping around her head. he started rocking his body back and forth.
“why why WHY why am i like this ? why. why . WHY . i hate myself. i’m so stupid. i’m stupid. i’m stupid. i hate my life. i’m so stupid.”
he chose to ignore her thoughts of darker things and tightened his hold on her. her hand ripped itself from his and gripped his sweater tighter. she clawed at it, hoping for an escape. trying to run from all her problems. desperate. he didn’t bother saying anything. any words he could say, would be too harsh and too unhelpful for the girl trembling. he didn’t know why, but he knew that was a rhetorical question. but he definitely knows shes not as stupid as she thinks she is. and suddenly, spoken words broke his thoughts.
“would you kill me if i asked, saiki?”
her body ceased its trembling as she demanded the question into the air. her hands stopped clawing as it held his sweater tightly. gripping the cloth in her fingers and grasping it as if it was the one thing grounding her to reality. this is exactly what he didn’t want her to say. her thoughts have been pushing it and pushing the thought. asking herself if he would. if he would KILL her.
“would you kill me? would you ? i want to know. tell me now.”
her face peeled back from his sweater and he saw her face. red cheeks. snot oozing from her nose. running tears still flowing down her cheeks. her eyes bored into his.
“would you kill me if i asked you to?”
would he? would he kill her ? her thoughts were screaming that he would say yes. her eyes pleading for confirmation that he would. her fingers pulled his sweater desperately hoping he’d say it. would he? she was being such a nuisance. she was ruining his day. would he kill her?
“good grief, did you really think i’d say yes ?”
her mouth opened in surprise. her eyebrows scrunched together and her thoughts stood at a standstill and stumbled back into coherency. he stared back at her with an eyebrow up as readjusted his arms around her.
no words spoken, she grit her teeth and fell limply back onto his shirt.
‘why wont you kill me, kusuo? you can... cant you?’
‘of course i could.’
a pause resounded in her thoughts. her hand gripped his sleeve in anger. her other still gripped his shirt with ferocity.
‘then why not.’
...
‘because it would be too much of a bother anyway.’
he heard a snort from her as her hand fell. her hands now resting under her face on his lap, she closed her eyes. his arms wrapped around her. slowly, he started rocking his body back and forth again.
tears still ran down her face. sad eyes still were closed. her thoughts were still dark. maybe they’d be like that for a long time. but he’d be here to make sure this bother didn’t do anything drastic.
because that’s what he always does.