Chapter Text
你看那花儿都谢了 (听 海哭的声音)
你看那海儿都哭了
你知道我会永远永远 (叹惜着谁又被伤了心)
等你给我的回答 (却还不清醒)
Look at the flowers that have wilted (Listen, to the cries of the sea)
Look at the sea that is crying
You know that I will always, always (Crying for someone had their heart broken)
Wait for your answer (But is still unaware)
- 那片海 & 听海, performed by Zhou Shen and Hacken Lee
Zheng Yunlong should have seen it coming.
It began with names. Ayunga had always been much more easy-going than Zheng Yunlong, and everywhere he went someone would inevitably wave at him with a smile which he returned with good-humour. And then one day, he didn't. Zheng Yunlong brushed it off at first, not picking up on it amidst the stress of war, but when Ayunga failed to recognise Cai Chengyu - the newest ranger on their team and one of their close friends - Zheng Yunlong knew something was wrong.
He began noticing a pattern, where Ayunga’s memory loss was the worst just after leaving the Drift. They had just changed Jaegars, leaving Libiamo to the care of the newer rangers and helping the research team try out an experimental prototype. It wasn’t too innovative, just meant to be an upgrade from the Mark-5 models - faster, more resilient, and more powerful than what both rangers were used to piloting.
As its first pilots, they had the honour of naming the Jaegar, and Ayunga came up with Cloud Atlas after ten minutes of thinking, immensely satisfied with himself.
They went to Li Qi, the head of Cloud Atlas’ research team, with their complaint and he received it with no little shock.
“Memory loss has never been reported in a two-pilot Jaegar, only early single pilot models,” he said with a frown.
“Maybe it has to do with the increased specs of Cloud Atlas. It’s much better than older models, yes, but it’s also far more exhausting. I wouldn't be surprised if it's much more taxing on the neural bridge than the Fives,” Zheng Yunlong considered.
Both of them turned to Ayunga expectantly, but he only shrugged. “I guess? Feels all the same to me.”
“We’ll put a pause on the programme and work on improving it, then,” Li Qi said distractedly, mind already preoccupied with finding a solution, “I'm so sorry, this was completely unforeseen. In the meantime, make sure you keep track of the state of his memory. It’s a good thing you came to me early.”
Ayunga’s memory did get better over the next few days, to the point where they could pretend like the incident never happened, leaving it as a funny anecdote to tell to the younger rangers.
But then the Kaijus came.
They had already seen a steady increase in the frequency of Kaiju appearances when the Cloud Atlas experiment commenced, but things only got worse. In the past, they could have easily gone two months without a monster appearing, but now they were averaging two weeks. A noose had been cast around their necks and it was slowly tightening.
“Cloud Atlas needs to go back online.” The Marshal of the Shanghai Shatterdome eventually summoned them to say, in between their frantic deployments.
“No-” Zheng Yunlong objected immediately, but Ayunga placed a hand on his thigh.
“Yes, Marshal. We’ll let Li Qi know about this.”
Zheng Yunlong had refused to talk to Ayunga for an entire day, something they could ill-afford when they were so strapped on time. Ayunga was the first to cave, and sought Zheng Yunlong out.
"I'm not going to let you pilot that thing," Zheng Yunlong said defiantly. But Ayunga only reached for his hand, rubbing small circles into the back of his palm.
"Dalong, don't be rash. We might be winning now, but even you must know that it's been by a slimmer and slimmer margin. They're getting stronger and we'll only get more tired."
"For once in your life, can you have a sense of self-preservation? First it eats at your memories, then what next? What if it causes permanent damage?"
"Silly man. If we die fighting the Kaijus I won't have any life left to remember anyway. Plus, we've proven that my memories can come back with time. I promise you that if anything worse happens I'll stop piloting, hm?"
He wasn't convinced, so Ayunga leaned forward and pressed a reassuring kiss between his brows.
"I'll be fine, Dalong. I told you I’ll be with you forever. I’ll be okay, I promise."
(Afterwards, Zheng Yunlong always wondered how he could have been naive enough to believe that.)
So back to Li Qi they went. The head researcher had initially refused to even consider the idea, but there was nothing he could do in the face of the Marshal's orders and the pilots' apparent willingness.
~
"Godspeed. I hope it's worth it." Li Qi's voice came through their earpiece as the Jaegar began its startup sequence around them. Before either of them could respond, they were rudely pulled into the Drift.
Now that Zheng Yunlong knew what to look for, he could easily sense something amiss. Both of them had always Drifted seamlessly, navigating the shared neural connection as if they had been born to be co-pilots. But this time there was a subtle difference. Instead of simply inhabiting the Drift space, it felt as though his mind had to bear the weight of it, and he had to actively focus to ensure that his connection didn't break.
He tried to reach out to Ayunga with his mind and reeled at what he found. It was obvious that Ayunga was giving much more than Zheng Yunlong in order to keep their neural bridge sustained, as though both of them were carrying a huge boulder and Ayunga had pulled it towards him, trying to relieve the strain from his co-pilot. But Zheng Yunlong didn't have the time to think about it any more as they were launched into the open sea and in front of a several hundred foot tall monster.
The battle had gone incredibly smoothly, which was unsurprising given the sheer power Cloud Atlas had. It almost felt too easy now, when they were able to dodge every blow and deliver the killing strike effortlessly, lightning quick and both pilots perfectly synchronous. The Kaiju fell over like a ruined house of cards, and they returned to the Shatterdome in record time.
He was only reminded of the problem again during the debrief, when Li Qi pulled up the charts of their neural activity during the drift.
"In every way, Gazi's brain was far more active during the Drift, but especially in the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex. It's inexplicable; I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an unequal Drift."
Zheng Yunlong looked at the two thin lines on the graph in horror, dismaying at the wide gap between him and Ayunga. It looked like a cruel parody of a child's drawing, with Ayunga's stats forming the sharp peaks of a mountain, and Zheng Yunlong's the grassy plains at its foot.
"Is there any way you can fix it?" Zheng Yunlong asked urgently.
"I have a suspicion," Li Qi began apprehensively, but dropped the line of thought as he cast a level look between both of them. "Never mind, there's no use speculating where the problem is. Gazi, what did it feel like for you?”
“Definitely more exhausting,” Ayunga answered shortly, eyes evasive.
“More than exhausting, it was literally draining, as though the Drift was drawing energy from our minds and memories. Gazi, didn’t you feel like you were bearing most of the weight?”
“I don’t think so, I wasn’t paying attention,” Ayunga’s eyes had still refused to meet his, intensely interested in the patterns on the floor tiles. Zheng Yunlong knew him well enough to put two and two together.
“You’re not telling us something. This wasn’t intentional, was it? You’re taking on the weight yourself?” Zheng Yunlong accused, fear and anger forming a confusing mix in his heart. Ayunga shifted his weight uncomfortably.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about," he dismissed, the words falling out of his mouth in rapid succession. "It’s a new system, there are bound to be defects.”
“Oh, blame the system and problem solved, huh? This isn’t a game, Gazi.”
“Tell that to yourself! People’s lives are on the line, Dalong, we need to do this.”
“Then let me share the weight with you. We are co-pilots for a reason!"
"And I'm telling you that I don't know how!"
"Then piloting Cloud Atlas is off the table!” Zheng Yunlong slammed his palm against the desk, voice close to yelling.
“If you’re going to raise your voice, Zheng Yunlong, I’d appreciate it if you did it somewhere outside of my office,” Li Qi remarked coolly, cutting through the tense atmosphere. Zheng Yunlong’s gaze darted between him and Ayunga, hurt and betrayal flashing across his features. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room without another word.
“...Gazi,” Li Qi addressed the other pilot wearily after a tense silence, “I didn't want to confirm what he said, but it's very likely he's right. Nothing like this has ever happened in all the preliminary tests we ran for Cloud Atlas. You know better than me that piloting is all about giving and taking, and it seems like you are giving much more than you should be.”
“I wasn't lying. I can’t help it,” Ayunga whispered, eyes sad. “I don’t know how to stop it, even if I wanted to. ”
“Look, I’m the last person who should be giving you relationship advice, but you need to think about Dalong too. I don’t know how your memories are going to be affected - maybe they’ll come back, but what if they don’t? You can’t do that to him.”
“I know, of course I know.” Ayunga said helplessly, pressing his face into his hands, brows furrowed in consternation. “But when I’m in the Drift all I can think about is protecting him. I can’t let go.”
“If you keep giving and giving eventually you’ll have nothing left,” Li Qi sighed. “You will break and he will have to pick the pieces up.”
“Then all we can hope for is that the Kaijus stop appearing,” Ayunga replied grimly.
~
This time Zheng Yunlong didn’t speak to him for four whole days before he sprinted to the Drivesuit room to the blare of alarms. Ayunga was already there, technicians helping him into his black polycarbonate armor.
“We’re not taking Cloud Atlas.” Zheng Yunlong stood in place stubbornly, arms folded.
“The hell you’re not.” The Marshal’s voice came over his earpiece as the technicians wired him into the communications network. “Our Kaiju friend's just been upgraded from a Cat II to a Cat IV, and by God, she’s a big one. If you refuse to pilot, let me know how you’ll sleep at night with a million innocent deaths on your conscience.”
“We can take two Jaegars, we’ve done it before.”
“Libiamo ’s under maintenance and 1975 ... I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to send greenhorns to fight a Four if I don’t need to. Ranger Zheng Yunlong, get into Cloud Atlas and fight, that is an order .”
“...Yes, sir.” Zheng Yunlong hissed after a long moment, gritting his teeth in frustration. Silently, he cursed the Kaijus, the Marshal, and every single decision that had led him to this very moment. Ayunga sensed his anger, and walked over to hug him, albeit rather awkwardly with the layers of hard armor separating them.
“I’ll try. I promise you I’ll try.”
Zheng Yunlong wanted to catch his eye for a moment more, but they had wasted more than enough time as it was. They hurried into the cockpit, performing the necessary checks and giving the control station the green light before awaiting the Jaegar’s launch. Zheng Yunlong looked across the small distance between them with pleading eyes.
“Gazi, please, you can’t do this alone.”
The last thing he saw was Gazi’s sad smile before they were pulled into the Drift, tripping head first into a sea of memories and emotions even as his body stayed frozen still. They launched almost immediately after, transport helicopters ferrying them into the open sea. Again Zheng Yunlong felt the unequal Drift, and he reached out to Ayunga with his mind.
Gazi, you promised me.
There was no response, so Zheng Yunlong persisted. The Drift was a connection, a shared space between them, and whatever Ayunga felt Zheng Yunlong could feel too. So he reached and reached, sifting through a mountain of memory snippets to get to his co-pilot, knocking over every wall that Ayunga had put up as if they were made of paper.
What greeted him was a tidal wave of guilt and shame. Guilt, for all the empty promises Ayunga had made to Zheng Yunlong. Shame, for not being able to protect the one he loved the most. Ayunga had been drowning in it, and now Zheng Yunlong was too, in helplessness and anguish and abject misery.
Zheng Yunlong tried to tug at him with his mind, to pull him from the riptide of emotion that had trapped him whole, but Ayunga wouldn’t let him. He clung onto the Drift, holding his ground stubbornly as he wallowed in his own suffering. As if victory couldn’t be achieved without sacrifice and he was the necessary martyr.
The darkness reached its claws out to Zheng Yunlong too, and soon he was suffocating in it, unable to think about anything else except the anguish that was rising in his chest like a knife and that was threatening to tear him apart from the inside-
Suddenly Zheng Yunlong was back to the present, a sharp pain shooting up his left rib.
“Ranger Zheng, what in the fuck are you doing?” Came a yell in his earpiece, the Marshal’s voice brimming with fury.
Zheng Yunlong looked up to find a three-hundred foot tall monster right in front of Cloud Atlas . It was a grotesque, ugly thing, with far too many eyes and hideously sharp teeth. Having just landed a successful strike, it was rearing back for another one, and they were only saved when Ayunga launched a missile from the Jaegar’s right palm, knocking back the Kaiju and buying them a precious few seconds.
We’ll talk later. Fight first. Ayunga’s voice materialised in his mind, as though he had thought up the words himself. Zheng Yunlong shook himself mentally and both of them returned the Jaeger to its feet. It was time to fight.
Unlike their colleagues overseas, the Fightmasters of the Shanghai Shatterdome had always seen hand-to-hand combat with the Kaijus as a last resort, preferring to let their students achieve mastery in weapons first. Both co-pilots of Cloud Atlas had grown up on Shaolin movies and had always wanted to use Chinese weaponry, and Li Qi had obliged them by furnishing the Jaegar with the modern equivalent of a dao. He had tried to explain to them the exact science behind it, but it had flown right over their heads. All they knew was that it was unbreakable, hellishly hot, and brilliant at cutting down Kaijus.
Both of them crouched down into a defensive stance, a several dozen-foot long dao in each hand, anticipating the swipe of the Kaiju’s claw. Its meaty palm came down, easily the span of a cargo container, and they deflected it with the cross of both blades above their head. But instead of exposing its tender underbelly like they expected, it used the momentum to lash its long tail out at them.
Zheng Yunlong tried to block it with a slice of the dao , but it only dulled the impact slightly as it crashed into the Jaegar’s knee, sending a bolt of pain up both pilots’ left legs. The world spun as they crashed into the water, landing painfully against the seafloor. Their control panel lit up like a Christmas tree, flashing with a dozen different warning lights.
The Kaiju followed up immediately with a leap, and they scrambled to right themselves so they could meet it head-on, just managing to lift the Jaegar’s legs up to kick it away before it landed on them.
They hurried to their feet, a heavy sense of dread spreading through both of them. What most people didn’t know was that the Kaijus were smart, incredibly so, capable of adapting to every fighting style that humanity threw their way. Zheng Yunlong and Ayunga were both aware of this, but that didn’t lessen their feeling of getting caught off guard when they discovered it the hard way.
As they watched the Kaiju get up, a plan started formulating between them, quick as lightning. They settled into a half crouch again, both blades held out in front of them. With a deafening screech, the Kaiju dropped onto all fours, charging at a full sprint towards the Jaeger, sending the seawater spraying up in great waves. The ground beneath them shook terribly and then didn’t, as the monster leapt up again, aiming straight for the Jaeger’s core. The pilots held their stance, ready to absorb the shock of the impact, but at the very last second they dropped both dao s and turned, missing the Kaiju by a hair’s breadth.
As the Kaiju soared past them, they slammed their hand down against its back, forcing it straight into the water. They moved in to kneel on its back, keeping it pinned in place.
“Plasma cannon! ” Zheng Yunlong heard Ayunga yell, and the cockpit’s control system responded immediately, morphing their free hand into a deadly cannon. They held it against the Kaiju’s back and fired and fired and fired, lighting up the water into an incandescent blue. It stopped moving.
Both pilots stumbled back from the monster’s carcass in utter exhaustion. It had been a short fight, but it had still taken the air out of their lungs.
“Get the cleanup crew in. We’re done here,” Ayunga said wearily.
“They’re already on their way, good job guys,” a different person came over their communications system this time. Both of them were more than familiar with Zhou Shen’s voice, and it gave them no small comfort. His appointment as an officer in the Local Command Centre, LOCCENT, was relatively recent, but he had taken to it like a fish to water.
“Shenshen, get us off the neural bridge,” Zheng Yunlong said impatiently.
“Are you sure? If anything happens, establishing the neural handshake from such a distance away will be dangerous.”
“I’m sure. I can’t stay in Drift any longer.”
Zhou Shen complied wordlessly, but Zheng Yunlong could still imagine his frown during the silence. They were released from the Drift unceremoniously, and it felt as though Zheng Yunlong’s spirit had returned to his body, no longer linked as it was to Ayunga and Cloud Atlas .
“Done. You need to tell me ASAP if-” Zhou Shen said worriedly, but Zheng Yunlong didn’t bother listening, removing his helmet and tearing his earpiece off, leaving it dangling pathetically. He walked to the wall in front of them and sat down, slouching against its surface.
“You’d said we’d talk. So go on. Talk,” Zheng Yunlong said tiredly. Ayunga removed his helmet as well and fiddled with it, sighing.
“I knew what you saw while we Drifted. There’s nothing to say.” Ayunga stepped forward but then decided against it, standing in place as he looked at Zheng Yunlong hesitantly.
“Is that what you’ve been feeling all along? Guilt? Shame? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know how.”
“So you just kept it to yourself?” Zheng Yunlong leaned his head against the wall, the mental and physical exhaustion finally catching up to him and forcing tears into his eyes. He reached his hand out to Ayunga. “Come here.”
Ayunga sagged, relieved, and walked over to take his hand. Zheng Yunlong tugged him downwards, and Ayunga sat with his head buried in the crook of his neck.
“It’s like a whirlpool. The more I fight it the more exhausted I get. I can’t help it,” Ayunga admitted, voice small.
“I didn’t know. I- I’m sorry I got mad at you. It wasn’t fair. I just- It’s just-” Zheng Yunlong floundered, trying desperately to find the right words.
“I know,” Ayunga murmured into the warm skin of Zheng Yunlong’s neck, damp with sweat. “I know. I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to.”
“Gazi,” he whispered back, pressing his nose against Ayunga’s hair. “I hate this.”
Ayunga removed his gloves and brought his bare hand up to cup Zheng Yunlong’s cheek. His fingers were cold. “You don't have to do this, you know. I'm sure they could find me someone else who's Drift compatible."
"Mention that in front of me again and I'll break both your legs so you can't run away from me even if you tried," Zheng Yunlong sniffed, removing his gloves as well and wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I wouldn't dream of it," Ayunga replied humorously, and the tension in the air dissolved instantly.
Zheng Yunlong turned his head and pressed his lips into Ayunga’s palm. “After this is over we’re going to take a long holiday somewhere and I’ll finally have the time to yell at you like you deserve.”
“If we both end up dying does that mean you’ll yell at me in heaven for all eternity?”
“You can count on it,” Zheng Yunlong joked back, and they both laughed softly. Nothing about their situation had changed, but it always felt better to be on the same side.
“We’ll be fine, Dalong. We’ll be fine,” Ayunga comforted, leaning up to press a kiss against Zheng Yunlong’s jaw. Zheng Yunlong turned his head to brush their lips together, relief and exhaustion rushing over him like a tsunami.
“For both our sakes, I hope so.”
~
It was almost comical how different the atmosphere was when they returned. The technicians had picked up on the thawing of tensions, and their relief spread infectiously. After they de-suited, Zheng Yunlong waved Li Qi away.
"Whatever you have to say can wait for later, Qiqi. I could kill for a nap now and you’re too clever to die young," Zheng Yunlong yawned, tugging the hand that was interlaced with Ayunga's. Li Qi rolled his eyes, far too used to their lovers' spats, and wished them a good rest.
Zheng Yunlong continued to keep their hands intertwined as they navigated the long hallways of the Shatterdome back to Ayunga's room. As two of the most senior rangers in Shanghai, they each had the privilege of a private room each, but Zheng Yunlong had always preferred staying in Ayunga's. For one, there was someone there to physically drag him out of bed when he overslept, for another, Ayunga didn't threaten to kick his lover out of his room every ten minutes the same way Zheng Yunlong always did. All things considered, it was pretty good.
Closing the door behind them, Zheng Yunlong changed into a new set of clothes briskly before climbing into bed. It was a sign of Ayunga's tiredness that he didn't complain, merely grabbing a set of clothes and stepping into the en-suite for a quick shower. He got into bed shortly after, gathering a half-asleep Zheng Yunlong in his arms.
"Took you long enough," Zheng Yunlong grumbled, pulling Ayunga closer and throwing his leg across his torso. Ayunga’s skin was warm from the shower, and Zheng Yunlong leaned up for a lazy kiss, licking into his mouth unhurriedly.
"Unlike someone, I have a sense of personal hygiene," Ayunga replied indulgently, running his hand through his lover's hair. They settled into a tired silence, and Ayunga thought Zheng Yunlong had fallen asleep until he spoke.
"Sorry I ignored you these past few days. I missed this. I missed you," Zheng Yunlong admitted softly against the fabric of Ayunga’s shirt.
"I missed you too," Ayunga replied honestly, hugging Zheng Yunlong tighter and kissing his forehead. “And don’t be sorry, I deserved it.”
“It’s not your fault. If I had to blame anyone I would blame those stupid fucking Kaijus,” he murmured, vehemence softened by the sleepiness in his voice. Ayunga’s hand dropped to the back of his neck, massaging it in reassurance. Zheng Yunlong let out a noise that sounded like a cat’s purr and snuck his hand under Ayunga’s shirt, relishing the feel of his skin.
“The best way to fight them is by getting a good rest. Good night, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night.”
A long time passed until Ayunga heard Zheng Yunlong’s breathing even out into something steady, the latter often having trouble finding sleep. Ayunga let the turmoil that he had been keeping away tightly unfurl in his chest, finally allowing himself to feel. He bit his lip to muffle his sobs as the tears rolled from his eyes, unstoppable now that the dam had been released.
The truth was, his memories were going much faster than he admitted to anyone. He could only vaguely remember the head researcher - Qiqi, as Zheng Yunlong had called him - and Shenshen , the voice over their communications system earlier today. He had faint impressions about them that were painfully lodged at the tip of his tongue, an infuriating deja vu, but he couldn’t piece them together however hard he tried. He only had random memories, a quilt hastily patched together with poor workmanship.
He was never a religious man but still he prayed, unsure of who he was praying to, and uncertain of what he was praying for. Perhaps prayer was the wrong word - it was more of a plea, to keep the man in his arms safe from harm, to spare him pain.
He begged the world to be kind to them for once in their goddamn lives and he begged, to whoever that was listening, that fate would be kind to Zheng Yunlong.
~
When Zheng Yunlong woke up he felt worse for wear, battered and grimy. As always, he should have listened to Ayunga and washed up before going to bed. Dim light filtered through the gap in the curtains, and Zheng Yunlong opened his heavy eyelids to find Ayunga still asleep, a rare sight. It was cozy and warm and incredibly difficult to leave, but the dried sweat on his skin was starting to itch slightly.
He tried his best not to disturb Ayunga as he wriggled out of bed, but he still did. Ayunga turned lazily and reached his arms out to where Zheng Yunlong once was, but his hands only found empty space. He pouted sulkily. Zheng Yunlong couldn’t help but smile, leaning down to kiss the corner of Ayunga’s eye.
“I’ll be back before you know it.”
Ayunga’s only reply was a groan, and Zheng Yunlong filched a new set of clothes from his wardrobe with a laugh. He was unexpectedly light on his feet after a good night’s sleep, singing happily in the shower.
“Dalong? I think you got a message.” Ayunga’s voice was heavy with sleep.
“What’s it say?” Zheng Yunlong stopped the water and grabbed his towel, drying his body perfunctorily before toweling his hair. He stepped out of the bathroom to find Ayunga holding the small communication device that they were all assigned, face marred in confusion.
“Anything wrong?” he asked again, worried about the lack of response.
“Wang Xi says we need to meet him as soon as we can,” Ayunga said, expression still puzzled.
“Fair. We have a meeting with Li Qi that’s overdue too,” he acknowledged, returning to the bathroom to slip on his clothes before reaching for his toothbrush. He walked back out as he brushed his teeth, sizing Ayunga up through slitted eyes.
“Do you remember Wang Xi?” Zheng Yunlong asked, rather unwillingly. He hated the reminder of Ayunga’s condition, but he supposed it was better to confirm what Ayunga did and did not know rather than willfully ignoring it.
“Uh, yeah, of course,” Ayunga said completely unconvincingly, and Zheng Yunlong sighed. He returned to the sink to rinse out the toothpaste and splash his face with water, reemerging for good this time with a small towel pressed to his face.
“Wang Xi’s the head of J-Tech - that’s Jaeger-Tech,” Zheng Yunlong said, then paused and chewed his lip in consideration. He continued, deciding that it wasn’t fair to dictate what Ayunga should or shouldn’t remember, “He was formerly a ranger, mostly piloting Crescent Moon with Zhou Shen.”
“I think I might remember. We were fighting with them, weren’t we? Against a Cat Four, wasn’t it?” Ayunga’s brows knitted together even further, as he forced the details from his memories.
“And that was the last time they piloted together. They suddenly stopped moving, and Hawthorn - that’s the Kaiju we were fighting - tore their Jaegar to shreds. We saved them just in time. The researchers said they had suddenly de-drifted, but both of them refused to talk about it afterwards. You were closer to Shenshen then, so you would know better than me.”
“And Crescent Moon being out of commission meant the teams had to be reshuffled? That we had to accelerate the development of Cloud Atlas and bring in… what was it called? Oh, 1975 . With the four boys.”
Zheng Yunlong smiled encouragingly as he tossed his laundry into a basket and hung his towel up to dry. “Yup. There are several people on Libiamo’s roster now: Ma Jia, Jia Fan… I think they just brought in Caicai too, since he just graduated from the Academy.”
Ayunga nodded casually, as if he understood. Zheng Yunlong wasn’t fooled, but he didn’t want to bombard him with all the names at once. Instead, he rolled onto his side of the bed and picked up his phone.
“Your turn to wash up. We’ll leave after,” Zheng Yunlong said, tapping open one of the games on his home screen. Ayunga got up after a long moment, gathering his clothes before making for the en-suite bathroom. Though he still held his phone above his face, Zheng Yunlong still peered out of the corner of his eyes at Ayunga’s retreating back, worry once again creeping into his heart.
~
Wang Xi met them together with Gao Tianhe, the head of K-Science. From the moment Zheng Yunlong stepped into the room, he knew that they knew.
“We don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll cut to the point. We’ve briefed the other pilots already, but we’re meeting you two separately because of Gazi’s… situation. We thought it would be wise to keep the rest from knowing for as long as possible,” Gao Tianhe began briskly. Zheng Yunlong’s fist clenched on the table top, and Ayunga’s hand came up to cover it. Gao Tianhe noticed it with some alarm.
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that, I apologise-” Gao Tianhe backtracked nervously.
“You’re not wrong,” Wang Xi cut in with a heavy sigh, then turned to address both pilots. “Cloud Atlas is J-Tech’s creation, so all this is my fault. I’m sorry. But no number of apologies can hide the fact that that Jaegar is the only thing that can stop the certain destruction of Shanghai.”
Zheng Yunlong had wanted to say something cutting, but he took in Wang Xi’s features, the dark circles around his eyes, the lines of stress that creased his face, and let it go. It wasn’t as though getting angry again would do anything.
“Just tell us what we’re here for,” Ayunga said.
“Right,” Gao Tianhe said, clearing his throat, “We’ve received word from our colleagues in Hong Kong that they’ve successfully drifted with a Kaiju .”
Despite his simmering frustration, Zheng Yunlong couldn’t help but exclaim in surprise. Who the hell would be crazy enough to do that?
“There are many fascinating things that they’ve learnt about the Kaijus, but I won’t bore you with superfluous information. The most important thing is that this increased frequency of Kaiju appearances isn’t just happening in Shanghai - we’re seeing it all along the Ring of Fire. Hong Kong tells us the Kaijus are trying to test our defenses.”
“The silver lining through all of this,” Wang Xi added with a grimace, “Is that this current wave will end soon. Current predictions put it at five weeks, but until then we’ll just keep seeing more and more of the bastards. Maybe even hours apart. It won’t be easy, especially on the two of you.”
Zheng Yunlong leaned back in his seat, arms crossed. This was far from good news, but at least it put an end date on this nightmare. That was better than having it stretch on forever.
“The Marshal better give us a year long holiday after all this bullshit is over,” Zheng Yunlong huffed, sweeping his fringe to the side testily.
“You and me both, Dalong,” Wang Xi sighed.
~
It was a race against time and unfortunately for him, Zheng Yunlong never quite liked running. It was a tricky thing, because every new Kaiju appearance meant they were one step closer to the end, but it also meant Cloud Atlas chipping away at Ayunga’s memories, one fragment at a time.
Zheng Yunlong didn’t like it, of course he didn’t. But he knew exactly what was on the line right now, and he knew that his co-pilot would rather give up his life than give up control of their Jaegar at a time like this. So he had to be there. He had no choice.
Ayunga had become uncharacteristically withdrawn as his surroundings became increasingly foreign to him, people and places gradually fading from his memories. Zheng Yunlong didn’t have much time to think about it because the Kaijus were refusing to let them catch a break, and soon their time was distilled down to sleeping, eating and fighting.
There was also another reason why they kept to themselves: word had spread like wildfire over what was happening to Ranger Ayunga, and if Zheng Yunlong had to be on the end of one more pitiful stare, he would punch a hole through the wall. He wasn’t sure his salary could afford the reparation fee.
When they did have time to breathe, they talked, Zheng Yunlong trying his best to figure out the extent of Ayunga’s memory loss, which was less than promising. The most recent memories, those of the people and events at the Shatterdome, were hazy at best to him. There were occasions or impressions that stood out to him sometimes, but he couldn’t match them to names or faces.
Eventually Zheng Yunlong told him to journal down what he remembered. For one, it would be much easier to keep track of Ayunga’s memories. For another, Zheng Yunlong didn’t think he could withstand a thousand little heartbreaks, cutting into him every day. It was like watching fragments of Ayunga’s very soul fade away, and Zheng Yunlong didn’t have enough strength to run after each of them.
He held Ayunga tighter and tighter every night.
The days that they had in between each deployment turned into mere hours. Zheng Yunlong dreaded the sight of the Jaegar at this point, and fell into a fitful sleep every night, body tense and waiting for the shrill screech of the alarms. Ayunga seemed tireless in these moments, diligently typing away at his computer, writing out his impromptu autobiography.
And then, the Kaiju appearances that ran like clockwork stopped. An hour passed from the expected time, then another, and another. It seemed the entire Shatterdome had its breath held, but this reprieve wasn’t a relief. It was the calm before the storm.
Neither of Cloud Atlas’ pilots were willing to venture out to investigate, so they remained in bed.
“So this is it, huh. The final showdown,” Zheng Yunlong joked, but it came out flat. He felt tense in spite of himself, and he pulled his lover closer, listening to the steady beat of Ayunga’s heart. Ayunga’s lips were pressed into a thin line, looking as though he wanted to say something but still keeping silent. In the quiet, sleep tugged at the corner of Zheng Yunlong’s mind and he gave himself over willingly, sinking into the warm comfort of slumber.
It was a brilliant day at the amusement park, the kind that was featured in every tourist brochure with smiling families and picturesque photos. It felt like the set of a rom-com, with him and Ayunga daring each other to go on different rides, buying tooth-rotting candy, and goofing around at the games booths, splurging their money but winning absolutely nothing. It was almost dusk now, and Ayunga pulled Zheng Yunlong over to the ferris wheel, insisting that they just had to catch the sunrise from there.
Zheng Yunlong refused resolutely, his fear of heights gripping his insides, but Ayunga had been equally stubborn, and before he knew it, Zheng Yunlong was grudgingly agreeing to the stupid thing.
It wasn’t very high at all, and Ayunga had been right - the view was spectacular. Both of them craned their necks over the railings of their tiny cabin, enjoying the way the brilliant crimson of the sun mixed beautifully with the purple of the coming night.
He looked at Ayunga and they smiled at each other brilliantly. He felt overwhelmed with love and orange-gold happiness.
Suddenly, their world rocked as something came crashing into the ferris wheel.
The ground beneath them shook violently, and the blood in Zheng Yunlong’s head roared as he saw Ayunga, who had been half-over the railing, tumble out.
Zheng Yunlong’s reaction was pure instinct, and he dove after Ayunga, just managing to catch his wrist. Ayunga dangled in the air, and looking at the distance between him and the ground made Zheng Yunlong’s blood freeze.
Now Zheng Yunlong was the one half-out of the cabin, and his stomach screamed in pain from where it was jammed against the railing. He reached out two hands to steady his grip and pulled, but it was a futile task. His elbows had barely bent before they gave out. Below him, the cabin began to tilt alarmingly.
Ayunga’s eyes, in the sea of turmoil, were calm. Zheng Yunlong could only focus on them, trying valiantly to block out everything else. Ayunga’s lips began to move, but it was difficult to hear.
“... go… me…. Let go of me… Dalong, let go of me… “
“Dalong, let go of me!” Ayunga’s voice was frantic, pulling Zheng Yunlong back into the real world. In his nightmare his grip on Ayunga had become unbearably tight, and he was pushing Zheng Yunlong away, fighting to get blood flowing back into his numb limbs.
Zheng Yunlong struggled to get his bearings after the tumult of emotions his dream had put him through. Right, Ayunga was there with him, lying in bed and not dangling several storeys high in the air. He let out a shaky breath.
“Fuck off. It took me so long to get you, I’m not letting go that easily,” Zheng Yunlong sulked, pulling Ayunga’s waist back into his arms and resting his own forehead against his cheek. Ayunga’s lips thinned, but he didn’t want to push the issue.
“Dalong, I-” But Ayunga never got to finish his sentence, as the expected sirens finally came to life, so loud they could practically feel it in their bones. Both of them let out an aggrieved breath.
“I love you,” Ayunga eventually settled on, and pressed their lips together, pouring what he wanted to say and what he didn’t dare to into that kiss. Zheng Yunlong didn’t want it to end, but they didn’t have any time to lose, and he squeezed Ayunga’s torso tightly before throwing the covers off both of them.
~
“It’s three against three. At least they know how to fight fair,” Zhou Shen’s voice was unusually grave over the communications system. “We’ve got a Cat Two, Three and Four. Your orders are to get rid of the Two quickly while 1975 distract the Four. Then you’ll be their knight in shining armor. Libiamo will take care of the last one.”
“Roger that,” Zheng Yunlong replied, palms beginning to sweat as the wide ocean came rushing below them. This was it - the finish line was right in sight.
“Dalong,” Ayunga broke his silence, clearly intending on saying what he hadn’t managed to back at the Shatterdome. “I’m sorry I put you through all of this.”
“Save it,” Zheng Yunlong bit out, sharper than he intended. He sighed wearily and softened his tone, “You can tell me all about it when we're done. I would have done the same thing if I were you. I don’t blame you, really.”
“I’m still sorry,” Ayunga said shakily.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Zheng Yunlong murmured, turning to meet Ayunga’s worried gaze. “I love you.”
Ayunga’s eyes bore into his, desperate to make him understand the full depth of his feelings. “I love you too. Just one last one. Let’s do this.”
“I’ve marked out your target on your navigation system. Good luck,” Zhou Shen’s voice cut in, as though he hadn’t just overheard everything they had said.
The Kaiju they were against was noticeably smaller than the other two, and they approached it with laser-like focus. Cloud Atlas unsheathed its dao's with practiced ease, the weight familiar in both pilots’ hands. The fight was on.
Their orders were to end things quickly, so they took the offensive, charging in with both blades raised. They felt the satisfying resistance of dao against meat as their attacks came down on each of the Kaiju’s shoulders, and the creature howled in pain. The Kaiju stumbled back and they pressed their advantage, using their momentum to spin, coming around and slicing at it again, both blades carving a deep gash in the Kaiju’s chest.
The Kaiju leapt at them, but was soon sent flying in the other direction as Cloud Atlas raised its leg and delivered a crushing blow to its chest. The monster barely managed to stumble to its feet, clearly badly injured, and the pilots took the chance to close the gap between them, swinging both blades behind the Kaiju’s neck, and using them as hooks to slam the creature’s head towards the Jaegar’s knee. They collided with a painfully loud crack , the Kaiju going limp in Cloud Atlas’ hands.
Traditionally, the dao was meant for slicing rather than piercing, with its sharp but curved blade. But the laws of physics weren’t so particular about details, and if you stabbed something into something else with enough force, your weapon would either break or go through.
Both pilots tossed the monster aside before ramming one of their daos through its grotesque body. The Kaiju lay motionless, pinned down like a butterfly on display.
“1975 need your help, quick!” They didn’t have a moment to catch their breath before Zhou Shen’s urgent voice came through their earpiece. They turned to the direction he indicated to find that the Category Four Kaiju had climbed on top of 1975 , tearing at it with its ugly claws. Cloud Atlas dropped its other dao and began running without a second thought, watching in horror as the Kaiju ripped out one of 1975 ’s four arms, tossing it aside like a dog with a chew toy. Unable to bear the weight, 1975 stumbled backwards, the monster bearing down on them from above.
His earpiece came to life, and he heard a harsh curse in Fang Shujian’s voice. Zhou Shen must have connected both Jaegar’s communications networks.
“Boys, status report!” Zheng Yunlong roared. Cloud Atlas pounced forward to catch the Kaiju by its side, dislodging it from its position above 1975. Now the positions were reversed, and the Jaegar was above the Kaiju, sending its mechanical fist into the monster’s face. The Kaiju struggled fiercely and lashed out its powerful tail, knocking Cloud Atlas aside and sending them scrambling for purchase.
“Don’t worry about us. There’s water coming into the hull but we can still fight. What’s the plan, Long-ge? ” Zhang Chao’s typically calm voice was tense with worry.
Ayunga and Zheng Yunlong had both been rangers for a comparatively long time, and they had seen the four-pilot experiment from its inception to the Jaegar standing in front of them. They couldn’t help but keep a curious ear on the project’s developments, from the prototyping to the construction to the Drift testing and finally to the selection of pilots. They had watched the 1975 pilots grow from cadets into fully-fledged rangers, and as their seniors, had stepped in many times to provide guidance and support.
In short, they were like the younger brothers that Zheng Yunlong never had, and the little nephews that Ayunga did have, and treasured dearly.
Both pilots of Cloud Atlas sized up the Kaiju as it stood up and gave a mighty roar. Its hide looked like armor and probably served the same purpose, making it resistant against bladed attacks. Zheng Yunlong bit his lip in annoyance.
“We need to use blunt force, crack it open like a turtle’s shell,” Ayunga replied gruffly.
“But how? It’s too damn fast, we won’t be able to get a good hit on it,” Huangzi Hongfan questioned in his trademark rapid-fire speech.
“Then we’ll hold it down, and you will attack,” Ayunga said.
“But-”
“We’re in one piece. We have the strength. Those are your orders,” Zheng Yunlong snapped, mind perfectly in step with Ayunga. If anyone had to face the Kaiju head on, it would be them.
But before they could react, the Kaiju dove into the ocean, its powerful tail helping it cut through the water, swift as a lightning bolt. It must have thought that Cloud Atlas was the bigger threat, and in a flash it was right next to them, crashing into their shins painfully and sending them plummeting face first into the water. Both pilots reached out to catch themselves, before shifting their weight and rolling to the side, muscle memory instantly kicking in.
Sure enough, the Kaiju landed where the Jaegar had once been, and Zheng Yunlong couldn't help but wince. That could easily have killed them.
They scrambled hastily to their feet and took advantage of the Kaiju's mistake to pull it up with a hand around its neck, Cloud Atlas' other hand delivering a swift punch to its face. But the Kaiju shook it off like it was nothing more than a scratch, and managed to twist out of their grasp.
1975 caught up to them with a frantic dash, and their blades shot out from their wrists, like a scene straight from Assassin's Creed. But the metal only slid off the thick hide of the Kaiju's back, and did nothing except to enrage it further. The creature turned with an inhumane screech, tail lashing out at Cloud Atlas.
They couldn't have asked for a better opportunity. The Cloud Atlas pilots stood their ground and caught its giant tail with both hands, the force of the impact causing them to slide backwards slightly. They pulled with all their might, and the Kaiju that was fixed on the target in front of it was sent stumbling backwards instead.
Through all their training as rangers, it was always emphasised that emotions had no place in a fight. Calmness, intelligence, was the best way to win a battle, especially in the face of beasts such a Kaijus. Zheng Yunlong understood this, and had always been level-headed in combat.
But not this time. For the first time, Zheng Yunlong felt an inexplicable, molten fury rising in him as he faced the Kaiju. These monsters had taken so much from him, and they would take more if they had the chance. His family, his friends, his people, all lived in fear at the thought of one day dying a violent death to a Kaiju.
He was aware of Zhou Shen's tinny voice in his ear, of the million beeping lights in front of him saying that everything was wrong, of the migrane-like pounding in the back of his skull, but none of those mattered. There was only one thing he had eyes for. He had had enough.
They caught the Kaiju in a vicious chokehold, trying to break its neck through pure strength. It struggled to free itself, first clawing at the arm around its throat and then the Jaegar's head. In the midst of the adrenaline pounding through his blood, Zheng Yunlong couldn't feel any fear or pain, only his riotous heartbeat thundering in his chest.
1975 followed up perfectly, landing blow after blow to the nauseating crunch of the Kaiju's bones breaking. Crack, crack, crack. The monster slowly stopped struggling and 1975 stumbled back, overwhelmed.
"Why don't you do me a favour and go to hell, " Zheng Yunlong spat, uncaring of who could hear his outburst. Cloud Atlas released the limp Kaiju, only to grab its head and slam it down into the seafloor with unnecessary violence. Zheng Yunlong raised his right fist back for another blow, but then the lights in the cockpit dimmed as he was rudely thrown out of the Drift. Everything lurched for a heartstopping moment, before the failsafes kicked in and the Jaegar stabilised itself.
Zheng Yunlong stared at the dark control panel in confusion, wondering what had gone wrong, when he heard a dull thud beside him. He turned and time itself seemed to stop as he saw Ayunga's crumpled form on the floor. For a moment he couldn't believe his eyes, his heart still forming a deafening drumbeat in his head. He thought he heard someone yell at him distantly.
"... Long-ge… Long-ge! Come in, Long-ge! What happened to Gazi-ge?! Long-ge, are you there?" Zhou Shen's voice pulled him out of his reverie, and the full force of what was happening hit him. He dropped to his knees, scrambling over like a mad man to grasp at Ayunga. He removed Ayunga's helmet and tossed it away carelessly.
"Oh, thank fuck," he breathed as he felt warm air leave Ayunga’s lips.
The adrenaline left Zheng Yunlong's system all at once, and it took with it all the energy he had. He removed his own helmet with heavy hands, completely and utterly drained. He didn't bother acknowledging Zhou Shen's message that reinforcements were on the way.
Then everything was silent, only broken by his harsh breathing.
He peeled off his gloves and cradled Ayunga's head in his lap. His lover’s face was white as a sheet and deathly cold to the touch. Zheng Yunlong felt his own hands shake violently as he brushed his fingertips against Ayunga’s skin.
Numbness, so suffocating that he could barely think, swept over his body like a wave, and he was too exhausted to even cry. He could only look down blankly at the man in his lap - his co-pilot, his lover, his best friend - as his mind struggled to register the situation.
Reeling in shock and utterly delirious, he could almost hear Ayunga’s voice beside his ear, repeating the same line as in his dreams.
Let go of me, Dalong. Let go.
He couldn't help but laugh, an empty, ugly sound that echoed off the walls of the cockpit and back into his own ears, morphed out of recognition.
"You idiot," Zheng Yunlong murmured incoherently, his voice choked with hysteria. "You fucking- fucking- fuck! You can't leave me alone like this, Ayunga. You promised. You promised."
But the tears that landed on Ayunga's face only rolled off his cheeks slowly, and Ayunga couldn't even flinch.