Work Text:
The past nights in the palace felt so charged with anxious energy that SoBong couldn’t imagine sleeping. They knew that the addition of the baby created more problems for everyone, this baby was going to be the savior of some and the demise of others. They were carrying the most precious cargo of all Joseon and they were frightened. Frightened for themselves, for the baby, and for Cheoljong. This little family that had been so tenderly created had the potential of being broken in an instant, and SoBong didn’t know if they could survive that. It was so fragile, just a tiny flame trying to stay alight in the winter air and the cold air was vicious, and SoBong felt so cold.
They knew they could seek out Cheoljong at any time, their king loved them deeply, but something within them felt torn. Their breath began to feel labored, as if all the oxygen that existed couldn't get into their lungs. They loved Cheoljong, that much they knew, but they didn’t know if those feelings were residual traces of SoYong or if they were genuinely their feelings. And that’s what made them feel panicked. It all felt so tangled up, an impossible ball of yarn with no beginning or end. There were days where it felt like their mind was screaming at Cheoljong, telling the king “ I’m right here ” but this voice sounded different than theirs, it sounded like SoYong. Her pure heart had longed for the king before So Bong had appeared, but it was SoBong that the king had fallen in love with. Right? The king’s confession rang in their ears, telling them that they were loved with all their imperfections, that with all their flaws, this kind good man loved them. Loved chef BongHwan from Korea in 2021. Loved SoBong of Joseon who spoke their mind and didn’t let anyone get in their way. They were loved in their entirety, they hadn’t disappeared from the world without a trace. They were still here, in the heart of the king. They stayed alive in his eyes, his touch, his words, his dictionary . But was it enough? Could Cheoljong’s love save all of them? And if SoYong came back, would SoBong cease to exist?
These thoughts rushed through their head a mile a minute, leaving very little space for anything else. Their breath continued to become shallow, it was like drowning all over again. They were submerged under the weight of not knowing whether they truly belonged anywhere. There didn’t seem to be space for a person who was not of one world or another, their feet were planted firmly in the past and the future, and there didn’t seem to be a way out. What can I do ? Is there something that I can do ? They thought to themselves. We can leave , said a voice that belonged to someone who they were acquainted with very well. SoYong whispered in their brain, it’s impossible to live here. Even if you love the king it isn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for me. We can try again, jump in the lake, leave this place for good. Together. “I don’t want that...'' SoBong whispered, their breathing slowed down and it was no longer SoYong and Sobong, it was just SoBong, back in their own mind. “I won’t leave, because he needs me. And I need him.” They stated, and with that crystallizing discovery they knew that they loved the king. They didn’t love him because of SoYong, which might have been the case in the beginning, they loved him because he had tried and proved time and time again that no matter where they were the king would find them. It didn’t matter if SoBong’s voice got lost in the storm, if the world stopped, if Cheoljong couldn’t hear them, he would find them. Cheoljong would find them because a piece of Cheoljong lived within their heart, and they lived within his heart, and those matching pieces would seek each other out like magnets. They lived to find one another and to erase all space between them. It didn't matter if they lived in the body of SoYong, their heart was SoBong’s and SoBong’s alone, and it belonged to only one person. After this realization SoBong knew they had to see their king, he had been working so hard and HwaJin had been dismissed, and there was turmoil brewing, and he shouldn’t have to feel so alone. SoBong would bear that pain and loneliness with him, because they loved him, loved their baby, and loved the family they would have once everything was safe. They rushed to the king's room and upon not seeing him there, decided to wait as long as they had to, just to be there to provide comfort. It wasn’t until late at night when they felt Cheoljong stroke their cheek gently, speaking softly towards them. They struggled to open their eyes, but through their fuzziness SoBong saw him and thought “ there you are. ” And as his words faded, telling them that they were his comfort, SoBong felt safe. They could sleep calmly and know that their Cheoljong would chase away any nightmare that may come their way.
In the bright light of the morning they woke up without him anywhere and then Byeolgam Hong told them the bone chilling news that the king was leaving. “ No !” Their mind screamed, “ not when I just got him, he can’t leave me, leave us .” They ran after Cheoljong, yelling as loudly as they could to “wait” to “please wait.” But they were too late, and all they were able to see was his back riding away from them and their future. “ What are you going out there for? Here I am, I’m right here ,” they cried. But their king wouldn’t leave without a reason, they knew that, so “I’m waiting for you. You better come back to me.” They turned back to the palace, preparing themselves for the war that was waiting inside. Miles away Cheoljong whispered out a promise, “even if the world stops, and I’m without an answer, I will find you.”