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7 p.m. jeonghan’s house. memorial day weekend. five guys: chan, jihoon, soonyoung, jeonghan, jisoo. incredibles 2 on the big screen.
literally nothing gets better than this.
but soonyoung starts to open his mouth, and of course he knows several ways to make this night go from good to great.
“guys,” soonyoung speaks up over the movie because he has no respect for the masterpiece that incredibles 2 is. he’s been on his phone all night trying to find the best to get takeout, ruling out the best chinese places nearby despite jisoo’s pleas. it would be an understatement if all the boys in the house said they were starving, so when he finally speaks up, they desperately turn to look at him despite wanting to watch the movie. “moe’s has free food for kids on sundays.”
it is sunday, but how this has to do with any of the very grown boys sitting in the living room? none of them have a clue. “so?” jeonghan crosses his arms over his chest.
“c’mon.” he gives a pointed look at jihoon. “i can’t be the only one thinking this.”
jihoon makes a disgusted, offended, and annoyed face all at the same time. “dude. i’m obviously eighteen.”
“coulda fooled me,” soonyoung shrugs.
already seething, jihoon stands to his feet at that moment. it takes the strength of three boys to stop jihoon from completely obliterating soonyoung on the spot, and soonyoung just sticks his tongue out teasingly.
jeonghan stays off to the side, tapping a finger to his chin in thought. “it could work,” he muses, a mischievous smile already on his face. jihoon rolls his eyes so hard that he almost sees his brain. “sorry, ji, but you do look at least ten.”
jihoon glares at everyone around him. “fuck you guys. seriously. you know i hate my height."
“this isn't about your height!” jisoo assures from his side. “it’s your baby face.” wow, leave it up to jeonghan and jisoo to gang up on him like this.
the victim of the teasing whips his head around to jisoo and gestures to him. jihoon scoffs before exclaiming in faux excitement. “makes sense! now i totally want to do this!”
“really?” soonyoung asks, eyes wide and oblivious to jihoon’s obvious sarcasm.
chan, who has been failing miserably at holding in his laughter for the past five minutes, finally explodes, and jihoon smacks both his and soonyoung’s head. “no, you fucking bookshelf!” he screams, hands on his hips. he faces jeonghan, who is already articulating the plan in his head, and shakes his head. “look at them laughing! why didn’t you ask chan to do it? he’s only sixteen and looks younger than i do!”
“chan’s facial features are setting in, and he got his growth spurt! he looks more mature than me now!” jisoo answers for jeonghan, smiling widely.
chan gasps dramatically, covering his mouth with his hands. “bro, you noticed!?”
“of course!”
“bro!”
“chan!”
jisoo and chan share the most dramatic, idiotic hug for a moment, patting each other’s back all while jihoon stares, confused. “so this is what we’re going to do,” jeonghan starts, standing up from the couch. “i’m gonna take some of my sister’s jojo siwa headbands and get some of my mom’s makeup to cover his ‘peach fuzz.' game?”
soonyoung starts clapping, applauding and praising jeonghan for his master plan, but jihoon furrows his eyebrows instead of agreeing. “what the fuck? jojo siwa headbands?”
jeonghan’s eyes go wide immediately, like it's imagining a big target on jihoon's head for him to shoot down. “what, are you homophobic? you’re acting like this because jojo’s gay, aren’t you?”
baffled, jihoon splutters. “no, what the? i didn’t even know she—why do i need a headband?”
“ji...you’re homophobic?” jisoo, already done reading jeonghan’s expression, stands and wipes a fake tear from his eye. “i cannot believe this...it’s always those closest to you...” jeonghan takes him into his arms, pretending to comfort him with a shake of his head.
soonyoung covers his face with his hands in faux disappointment. “that’s so fucked, jihoon.”
agitated beyond belief, jihoon scratches his head. “i literally have a boyfriend.”
jeonghan perks up with a sudden surge of excitement. “so you’re fine with jojo siwa headbands then?”
“yes, but—“
“guys, omg, jihoon said he wants to wear a jojo siwa headband,” soonyoung says, and the others cheer.
i’m gonna kill him, jihoon thinks, watching him gather the three other boys to jump in joy and laugh their heads off. at this point, jihoon is so exasperated and exhausted that he gives in.
“you guys owe me for the rest of your lives” is the only thing he needs to say before the four others are turning the house upside down to make jihoon look like the most convincing child to ever exist.
and that’s how jihoon ends up eyes shut, strapped to one of jeonghan’s dining room chairs in the middle of his living room, the movie abandoned in the background. if you were to tell jihoon this was how we spend his memorial day weekend, surrounded by four, overly-excited boys, he would’ve laughed at you.
well. look at who’s laughing now.
jeonghan and jisoo have been caking his face for the past ten minutes, not understanding in the slightest how makeup works, while soonyoung and chan are carefully trying to pick out the nicest jojo siwa headband from jeonghan’s sister’s collection box right in front of his feet. chan picks a particularly bright pink one with jojo's face on it up, grinning. “this one’s good.” soonyoung stares, considering, before he shakes his head, looking to find an even bigger, brighter one. jihoon is too busy planning how he can discreetly murder them and get away with it in his head to hear bruno mars’ finesse coming from his phone.
soonyoung’s head perks up, staring pointedly at the vibrating phone on the couch. “who’s calling?” he asks. jihoon has no way of knowing with his eyes closed and facing away from his phone, so he leaves it up to someone else to find out.
jisoo glances downward at it, checking. “oh, it’s junnie!”
the gemini gasps, excited, while jihoon winces. “oh, cool! pick it up and put it on speaker.”
jihoon, with his eyes still shut, firmly shakes his head and jeonghan grabs his chin to keep his head in place. “no, don’t pick it up! if you pick up he’s gonna come over and i don’t want him to see me like this.”
shrugging, soonyoung reaches for his own phone. “fine, i’ll call junhui myself then.”
jihoon kicks his friend in the side, relishing in his groan. “oh my fucking god, do not call him. i’ll pick it up.” and by ‘i’ll pick it up,’ he means jisoo will pick it up because his hands are still tied behind his back, disabling his ferocious hands from hitting anyone. he shoots his eyes open and watches jisoo pick up the call. “fuck, i hate you guys. hi, junnie.”
there’s a moment of shuffling and a car door shutting before his response. “hey, baby,” chan chuckles at the endearment from his place on the floor, and he gets a hard kick, too. “practice just ended, so i’m heading to your place right now.”
“i’m not home—“
“hi junnie~!” jeonghan rudely interrupts as he puts even more foundation on jihoon’s face. the younger gives jeonghan an annoyed glare because 1. dude, that’s my boyfriend. and 2. enough foundation already. jeonghan ignores him entirely. “we’re at my house turning ji into a child! come on over!”
“oh, hi, jeongh—wait, you’re what?”
“making ji a child for kids eat free sunday at moe’s!” soonyoung explains for jeonghan, standing to his feet to take the phone away from jisoo. “get over here!”
junhui laughs loudly. “wait, i think i'm lost. why are you doing this?”
“because kids eat free on sunday at moe’s, i just said it!” soonyoung exclaims into the phone so loudly that jihoon winces. “we’re sending jihoon in to get us free food! i mean, look at how tiny he is, he can easily pass as my child!”
oh, i’m gonna fucking kill him. jihoon swears to himself, eyes on soonyoung.
“what!?” junhui shrieks. “you know he hates his height.”
“that’s what i said!” jihoon exclaims gratefully. “only junnie understands me.”
“it’s not about his height!” jeonghan groans.
“wait, actually,” he starts, ignoring jeonghan completely before laughing a bit. “can i pose as his dad? i think i can pull it off.”
jihoon groans, not because he doubts junhui’s acting (he was the lead actor in their high school’s theatre performances for three years straight for a reason), but he’s not sure how much he digs his boyfriend being his dad just for free moe’s.
“sure!” jeonghan exclaims happily, clapping his hands.
“ok, i’ll come over. see you soon!” junhui says excitedly, about to hang up before he stops himself to say “wait, jiji, love you!”
“lov—“ jihoon instinctively speaks before he stops to save himself from the embarrassment. he looks up and it's already too late; all eyes suddenly turn to jihoon, staring him down. his face contorts, turning red as jisoo holds in a laugh. “junnie. don’t make me do th—“
his boyfriend persists. “jiji, love you!”
“argh! love you, bye! hang up! hang up. hang up now.” junhui, a dutiful boyfriend, listens and finally hangs up the phone, but jihoon isn’t released from this embarrassment just yet. he scans the room menacingly. “not a word about this leaves this room or on god you will all die a painful death.”
the four boys all simultaneously agree and turn back to do what they need to do.
junhui finally arrives, and jihoon sighs contentedly, relieved that someone here could help him keep his sanity. he thought that his boyfriend’s presence would at least give him some sort of peace, but he was so very wrong. before chan can even open the door wide enough to let him in, he’s already laughing his ass off. if jihoon wasn’t tied to the chair, junhui would’ve been a dead man in that moment.
“how was wushu practice, junnie?” jisoo asks curiously as jeonghan drags the newcomer into the living room to dress him up in his dad’s clothes.
junhui shrugs, letting jeonghan loosely measure his body. “it was fine. i made some newbies clean the mats because i wanted to leave early.” he meets eyes with jihoon, whose face is white with foundation, and tries to hold in a laugh. “how—pfft—ho-how’s this going?”
“peachy!” jeonghan exclaims, holding a beige trench coat up against junhui’s chest.
junhui stares at the clothing and gently brushes a finger against it. “huh. where are your parents anyway? they know you’re doing this?”
“they’re at my sister’s ballet recital two towns away, gone til midnight,” he explains, smirk on his face. “and they don’t need to know! anyway, doesn’t he look cute?” jeonghan gestures towards jihoon but doesn’t stay for the answer because he drags jisoo up the stairs to find a more suitable outfit for junhui.
junhui blinks, half unsure half holding in his laughter. “i-i don’t think cute is the word.” jihoon’s head snaps up, extremely offended for no reason. “oh come on, don’t get me wrong! hoonie, you’re the cutest person in the world, but until we get free moe’s you’re my kid, so.”
“don’t call me your kid, what the hell...” jihoon grumbles and squirms in his seat. “also, why am i still tied up? why was i tied up in the first place and why did i let you guys get away with it?”
soonyoung slaps his leg from his place on the floor. “chill, chan and i are almost done finding the best bow.” there are three bows on the floor: rainbow, pink, and blue, and are the subjects of chan and soonyoung's heated, fifteen minute argument. "what do you think, jun?”
“rainbow, duh.” he says like the answer’s obvious.
well, he is gay.
he continues, chuckling. “all of this is a bit excessive for free moe’s, don’t you think?”
chan furrows his eyebrows. “this is modern genius, dude,” he says before diving back into the box to try some headbands of his own.
soonyoung agrees, standing to his feet with a rainbow jojo siwa headband in his hands.
“no, this is modern bullshit. and junnie has a point. i can’t even speak spanish,” jihoon mentions, feeling soonyoung shove a headband onto his head.
“dude,” soonyoung starts, adjusting the headband so it sits nicely on his friend’s head. it’s tight around jihoon’s large, developed scalp, and he groans at the discomfort. “you don’t need to speak spanish to order at moe’s. it’s fucking moe’s. i don’t think anyone working there knows spanish.”
“i’m taking french. ap french,” jihoon replies, ignoring him entirely. “another reason why chan should be the one doing this.”
at the mention of his name, he perks up from where he’s taking selfies with the jojo siwa headbands on. “what? i take japanese,” chan says. “your class is right next to mine. we see each other every day.”
“chan is so good at spanish,” jihoon says, ignoring him, too.
chan laughs, holding up his phone to snap a picture of him and jihoon together. “i can’t even pronounce bar—bari—what is it?” he turns towards the rest of them. “barriya? the tacos i see on insta all the time.”
“birria," junhui supplies as jeonghan and jisoo come down the stairs. they order him to put on a different, gray trench coat amidst their conversation.
“yeah—woah, that sounded cool,” chan fist bumps him. “bro, you take spanish, right?”
“oh, nah. i did for, like...a year back in junior high before i took mandarin for an easy grade. but i dropped language this year to double up on science,” junhui answers, adjusting the cuffs on the sleeves and thinking some more. chan thinks that was a bit tmi for his simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, but he shrugs it off. “oh, but i do know a couple songs. y’know, like—”
the youngest scoffs loudly. “what, like despacito—? ”
“olvídame y pega la vuelta? that’s classic pimpinela.”
“wait, what? why do you know that?”
“like i said, it’s classic pimpinela.”
“ugh, that song.” jihoon interjects. soonyoung starts taking the tape off of his hands after taking a billion photos of him against his will. he rubs his sore wrists, sighing. “he makes me act out the male parts of the song.”
at the mention of that, junhui perks up with a sudden surge of excitement. “¿quién es? ”
jihoon stares at him, desperately pleading with his eyes. “junnie, not here—“
“¿¡quién es!? ” he echos louder, spinning around like the trench coat is a flowy, spanish dress. all eyes are on them again.
he sighs, defeated for the fiftieth time that night. “...soy yo.”
junhui waltzes around the living room dramatically, picking up the imaginary dress as he does. “¿qué vienes a buscar? ”
jihoon keeps his eyes on the floor, but can’t help but smile. “a ti...”
his boyfriend throws his hands down with a stomp of his foot. “¡ya es tarde! ”
he fakes a gasp just to entertain the elder. “¿por qué? ”
“¡porque ahora soy yo la que quiere estar sin ti! por eso vete— ” junhui prances around the living room while singing, making it his dance floor, and the rest laugh and cheer him on.
“it’s almost half past eight! we need to get the moe’s before it closes!” jeonghan gasps, hands coming up to cover his agape mouth. “junnie! you’re driving, my mom took the car.”
junhui finished his up his performance with a nod. “sure, but you four will have to squeeze in the back.” he gestures towards chan, jisoo, jeonghan, and soonyoung. “only space for three back there.”
“what? why can’t ji sit in the back?” soonyoung pouts, arms crossed.
junhui pats his back and heads for the door. “boyfriend privileges. anyway, are we going or not?”
they follow him out to his maroon lexus and try their best to squeeze in as jihoon comfortably takes the front seat. he sticks his tongue out at them with the confidence of someone who’s not about to fake being a child for the sake of free moe’s. the car engine revs and they hear fall out boy immediately blasting from the radio. jihoon nods approvingly at junhui’s taste as if he wasn’t the one who bought him the album a few years ago.
“ugh, move over, shua!” jeonghan exclaims, shoved against the car door.
jisoo, who is equally stuffed between jeonghan and chan without any space to even breath, drops his jaw. “like i can! chan, you move over!”
“i can’t move either and oh my god i think i’m sitting on a condom packet,” he groans, face flushed and eyes on the floor.
junhui scoffs, rolling his eyes. “you’re probably just sitting on a granola wrapper, you diva,” he pulls out of jeonghan’s driveway. “i know those damn seatbelts are on, right?” the sound of their seatbelts clicking locked can be heard and junhui hums, satisfied.
“i didn’t know you guys were freaky like that,” soonyoung adds, exploring through the pockets of the seat in front of him. he finds nothing but trash and a single airpod.
“yeah, i bet you’re so curious what me and hoonie do behind doors.” jihoon glares at junhui through the rearview mirror because they don’t do anything.
“ok, ew.”
“oh, relax. he barely lets me hold his hand.”
jihoon whips his head to the left. “what? yes, i do!”
“yeah, yeah, i take a right here, right?” he points to an intersection and thanks jeonghan, who replies affirmatively.
it takes at least ten minutes to convince jihoon to actually go along with the plan. the wheels in his head start turning, overthinking each and every second of the situation. his mind is screaming: what if someone recognizes him in there? what if they get caught? he can’t go to jail now, he has a life to live! junhui can tell that he’s heavily overreacting, so he pats his back to calm him down. “relax, i’ll do all the talking,” he assures, and jihoon figures that’s fine, what is he so worried about?
he’s only a foot into the building with the four others giggling behind them, recording secretly on their phones, and he’s already regretting this. “this is stupid,” he tells junhui, but the boy’s too busy getting into character to respond.
the white guy at the counter looks tired with deep black eye bags. he seems even more tired than jihoon, who has spent the night under the jurisdiction of five teenage boys, and he kinda feels pity for him; it’s already pretty late on a sunday after all. “hi, what can i get you guys?” he recites with the most exhausted enthusiasm.
junhui smiles brightly and now that jihoon’s really looking at him, he doesn’t look like a father at all. he’s obviously young; all jeonghan did was dress him in a grey trench coat. what the hell, jihoon ponders, thinking about his own appearance. “hiya, i was thinking of getting a—oh, would you look at that!” he gestures to a standing ‘kids eat free on sunday!’ flyer and coos. jeonghan starts losing his mind from behind them. “wow! so what can my little honnie get for free?”
“uh, anything,” the guy answers, eyeing jihoon a bit. jihoon starts sweating buckets. “what do you want, little dude?”
it takes the power of his whole entire inner armada to keep him from strangling this guy, but he stops himself because now is not the time. chan is struggling to keep his cool, watching the scene through soonyoung’s phone. he didn’t even practice how children speak so he squeaks “a chicken quesadilla” in the best high-pitched, cutesy voice he could muster. he hears soonyoung collapse onto the floor, silently laughing. jihoon thinks oh, i’m gonna kill him for the millionth time that night with red all over his cheeks.
“i’ll take a taco kit, too, for the gentlemen in the back,” junhui mentions, holding in his laughter like a pro. “how much is it?”
it hits jihoon then that junhui is rich and could have just gotten the taco kit without jihoon losing his dignity. and he bought the taco kit anyway so now jihoon just has a stupid (free) chicken quesadilla! “what the f—“ jihoon almost lets escape from his lips before he’s staring at junhui with so much betrayal you would think that junhui cheated on him.
junhui pays amidst his thinking before heading to the waiting area where jeonghan and the others are avoiding eye contact, afraid that they might explode. he and junhui try to distance themselves from the others as to not look like a group, but jihoon is almost a hundred percent sure that the guy already caught on so does it really matter now?
the guy comes out a bit later with a bag and a box, smiling slightly. this must have been a great ordeal of entertainment for him, jihoon thinks with a groan. “here you go!” he hands the box and bag to junhui, who thanks him profusely. jihoon’s already pushing junhui out the door before the voice of the white guy stops them. “i like your bow, little dude!”
jihoon, who totally forgot he was wearing it in the first place, flushes complete red while chan decides he can’t take it anymore and runs out of the moe’s to laugh liberally. “t-thanks!” he splutters, abandoning his cute little boy voice to replace it with his deep, eighteen year old one, before shoving junhui and the others outside with the strength of the whole u.s. army.
“you fucking whores!” he exclaims once they’re all in the car, throwing the headband off of his head. “i lost my dignity in a moe’s. a fucking moe’s. while pretending to be a child. i’m never forgiving any of you.”
the rest of them are too busy wiping off their tears to say anything, laughter replacing their words. “th-that guy,” soonyoung starts, “had to know you weren’t a kid.”
“no shit he knew,” jihoon grumbles. “why did you make me do this!?”
“it was funny!” jeonghan and jisoo answer enthusiastically at the same time. they gasp and share a high five.
“it was funny,” chan adds in support.
jihoon faces the windshield, arms crossed over his chest petulantly. “drive away, junnie. if i stay in the vicinity of this moe’s for a minute longer i’m going to flip this car over.”
“soon,” junhui pipes up through his laughter, throwing the car into reverse. “you’re gonna send those pics and videos to me, right?”
“i already did.” he brandishes the texts he has with junhui.
“i love you so much that i’m gonna french kiss you right now.” jihoon doesn’t bother reacting to this, exhaused from head to toe.
his gemini twin sends him a kiss. “mwah,” he says, shrinking back into his seat to click on his seatbelt.
even if jihoon lost his will to live in a moe’s, at least he makes it up to himself by watching the rest in incredibles 2 with a (free!) chicken quesadilla in one hand and a taco in another.
nothing gets better than this, he thinks, finally relaxing against junhui’s arm on the couch.
but soonyoung opens his mouth again, and fear pits at the bottom of jihoon’s stomach.
“guys, you’re not going to believe this,” soonyoung starts, slowly standing to his feet. the others stop stuffing their mouths with tacos or nachos to listen to him, watching him turn his phone for all of them to see. “kids eat free on sundays at dairy queen.”
i’m gonna fucking kill him. jihoon thinks for the final time before his hands fly for soonyoung’s neck.