Work Text:
Doppo always sat in the same spot on the commute home.
A bright green seat situated at the passenger car’s far corner. There he tried to take up as least space as possible. Drowning himself from reality while surrounded by the hundreds of other Shinjuku citizens coming home from work. Trying to avoid some coworkers who looked at him funny this morning. Cringing at the weird noise the material of the plush made when in contact with his cheap business suit.
It was 6:30. He’d be home in around 15 minutes.
Doppo sighed, letting his eyes drift to the floor. His shoulders felt stiff, his hands clammy from holding onto his briefcase too tight. His jaw felt heavy from talking to clients, talking to his shitty boss, from when he tried to pitch an idea this morning-
He bit his lip, not wanting to remember what happened earlier today. Hifumi had been telling him to try and speak his mind. That he shouldn’t let people walk all over him. He meant well. He always meant well. But Doppo wasn’t Hifumi. Doppo didn’t exude charisma with every beat. Doppo wasn’t conventionally attractive. Doppo didn’t have a tongue that dripped honey, attracting thousands of bees to make them their queen. That was Hifumi. Not Doppo.
The upturned faces of his coworkers had been burned into his mind. Each pictured face carefully arranged into a scrapbook so he could torturously replay the event in his mind for the rest of his life.
Really Kannonzaka-san-?
That doesn’t sound like a good idea.
Were you even listening..?
Doppo bit his lip harder, surprised at the fact he hadn’t drawn blood yet. He remembered how his face turned bright red. He remembered how he immediately tried to shrivel up into a ball in his swivel chair. He remembered how the light of the projector stung his eyes. He remembered how his boss covered his mouth to stifle a laugh.
He didn’t want to remember.
Doppo felt his breath quicken, fighting the urge to bring his fingers to his mouth. He missed his cigarettes. It was his primary nervous habit until Jakurai and Hifumi started to get on him about it. And then Hifumi proceeded to throw away almost every pack of Seven Stars they had in the apartment. In retaliation Doppo started to bite his nails. Hifumi however, is far too perceptive, and smacks his hand the minute he tries to raise it. His nails at this point were riveted nubs so the only thing he could really chew on was his cuticles. Sometimes he drew blood. And sometimes, though he would never admit it, he liked the feeling of it.
A sigh escaped his mouth, letting his hand dig into his slacks instead. He checked his watch, 6:36. He noticed a couple of high school girls giggle at something from across the car. One girl showing the other something on her phone. He then looked back at the ground.
Doppo leaned his weight onto the frame of the train. Metal pressed up on his cheek, the low hum of the train filling his ears due to it moving at high speeds, a subtle vibration spread through his left side. He could feel his body relaxing, albeit slightly. The metal was cold and it pressed up uncomfortably to his cheekbone. He was sure if he laid there long enough he might bruise, or maybe he’d just get really really sore.
A vibration from his pocket jolted him a little, he pulled out his phone to check what it was.
A message from Hifumi:
“You almost home?”
Doppo smiled halfheartedly, quickly responding back.
“Yeah. On the train now, home in 10.”
Hifumi responded back almost instantaneously.
“Stay safe! I’ll be waiting~ “
A beat passed, another response.
“Btw, I cooked up that salmon we caught with Sensei, it’s reallllly good. Hurry home!”
Doppo huffed, a smile spreading across his sunken face as he pushed his phone back into his pocket. Now he had something to look forward to. Despite everything, Hifumi seemed to know how to cheer him up. If Hifumi was the sun, Doppo was the sunflower constantly basking in his presence. Doppo smiled as he imagined himself as a plant before closing his eyes momentarily.
Doppo woke up incredibly sweaty.
He straightened his posture, looking around the commute in a state of panic.
Did he just?
On the way home..?
The two high school girls giggling earlier were nowhere to be seen. And the car looked more empty than full.
Doppo panicked, looking at his watch.
10:09
Oh my god.
The train came to a stop and the doors slid open to direct people in and out. Doppo, in a state of utter panic, dashed out of the train immediately. His lungs felt hot as he tried to figure out where in Shinjuku he was.
Block 2. Probably a 5 minute walk to get home.
Temporary relief washed over him at the realization of how far away from home he could’ve been. It was as if the devil decided to make the awful situation not as awful-
Never mind it was raining.
He didn’t have an umbrella.
The moment he stepped outside his suit began to soak in the moisture of the rainy Shinjuku like a wilting flower.
Doppo swore under his breath. Holding his briefcase over his head to try and protect himself as he dashed home.
Hifumi.
For once Doppo didn’t want to check his phone. He didn’t want to see the missed calls. The messages from Hifumi asking where he was. If he was okay. Why wasn’t he home. If he was in trouble when in actuality he was perfectly fine. His stomach did a flip flop at that. Causing him to quicken his pace.
Doppo arrived home. His legs were burning, he was sure he hadn’t run that hard since the time Hifumi made him join the track team in middle school. His throat was dry, his lungs weak, probably from all that smoking Hifumi ridiculed him about but he didn’t care.
After he caught his breath, he carefully unlocked the door.
He peeked inside to see Hifumi pacing around the living room. Running his hands through his golden hair. Was he on the phone?
“Sensei what if something bad happened..” Hifumi’s voice was low, shaky, something that Doppo only got to hear on occasion. It was a stark contrast to his usually bubbliness.
Doppo knew who he was talking to. Silence hung, he watched Hifumi listen intently to the man on the other line.
An almost inaudible “..Okay.” cracked from Hifumi’s lips. His breath hitched momentarily as he tried to hold in the urge to cry. Doppo couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. This...was all his fault. He scared Hifumi. He worried Sensei. It’s all his fault. All his fault. All his fault-
“Doppo?”
Doppo jumped, the door opening wider to reveal his hiding place.
“-Sensei, I’ll call you back.” Hifumi said briefly before hanging up the phone.
Doppo closed the door gently behind him. He stood at the entrance slouched, his suit and hair soaking wet. He shivered from the feeling of being covered in Shinjuku night rain, he wouldn’t be surprised if he had already caught a cold. He looked up to face Hifumi to apologize.
But before he could even do anything he felt something warm envelop him. He was...holding on so tight, rocking his body back and forth. Rubbing his fingers through his hair full of water.
“I-I fell asleep on the ride home, I don't even know why-“ Doppo could feel tears threaten to come out. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t have the right to cry. This was all his fault. He made everyone worry. Why was he so selfish?
“I made you cry, It’s all my fault, I’m s-“
Hifumi quickly shushed him.
“Don’t talk..”
Doppo immediately shut up.
“I’m just glad you’re safe...My Doppo’s safe.” Hifumi gave one last squeeze before letting go completely. Doppo however found himself still hanging on. His fingers wrapped around the thin shirt Hifumi was wearing. He smiled at Doppo knowingly, his hair still shining even in the dim living room. His eyes full of concern, full of love.
Doppo was crying now.
“I..your dinner-“ Doppo couldn't even choke out the rest of his words.
Their schedules lined up like this so rarely. Doppo getting out of work at a decent time, Hifumi having the night off. And it was ruined.
“Salmon for breakfast is just as good.” he then began to rub circles into his heavy shoulder. Doppo nodded solemnly, knowing it was no use to fight Hifumi on this one.
“I-I’m going to go get changed.”
Hifumi hummed in agreement, a soft laugh escaping his lips. “That sounds like a good idea.” he whispered.
“Can you meet me in bed?” Doppo thought if he let go of Hifumi he would shrivel up and die. The sunflower losing his sun.
“Of course.”
Doppo changed out of his wet work clothes and threw them haphazardly on the ground. Replacing his attire with grey sweats instead. Sometimes he wished his job required him to wear something like this instead of his confining blazer and slacks. He turned over to Hifumi who was already laying in bed, face illuminated by his phone before looked up at his boyfriend.
“C’mon Doppochin~!” Hifumi coaxed, lifting the bed’s comforter so Doppo could wiggle his way beside him. He was like a magnet as he attracted Doppo to the hip. He couldn’t let go, he didn’t want to let go. Hifumi couldn’t help but giggle at the effect he had on Doppo right now.
“Shut up.” Doppo whispered, a little embarrassed by how clingy he was.
“Don't be silly, it’s cute.” Hifumi placed his phone on the nightstand and leaned in to gently kiss Doppo on his forehead.
They both quickly got situated, usually they would take turns when it came to snuggling positions and tonight was clearly the night Doppo needed some attention. Hifumi wrapped his arm around him, letting Doppo’s head fall on his chest near the axillary. Doppo took deep breaths, trying to focus on his lover’s heartbeat. He already felt so exhausted. Not only by the dried tears on his face. But by the way Hifumi rubbed circles into his scalp, by the way every now and then he would plant another intoxicatingly sweet kiss on his face, how he kept on encouraging Doppo to drift off into the dream world. He didn’t want to sleep just yet, the feeling of Hifumi so close was too good. But his eyelids felt so heavy, he couldn’t control the way they kept shutting by themselves.
“I love you.” Doppo whispered, finally closing his eyes and letting natural forces take over.
Hifumi smiled, hugging Doppo closer to his body. “I love you too.”