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Jesse had never felt this nervous before. Sure he had been frightened when he saw Lucie in the Thames that day and was terrified after discovering she intended to bring him back to life, but both those occasions he had been scared for her, not for himself. This was the first time Jesse had ever felt truly afraid for himself.
“What if they hate me, Grace?” Jesse whispered.
Grace had sent a message the previous day to his two uncles, Gideon and Gabriel Lightwood, that she had to meet with them and their families urgently, preferably at Gabriel’s home in London. In the letter, she explained a wish to make amends for both her their mother’s and Grace’s hateful actions towards the Lightwoods. However, they did not know that thanks to Grace and Lucie Herondale, Jesse had been revived after 6 years and intended to finally meet his family. Truthfully no one but the three of them knew he was alive, but tomorrow that would change.
“What if they turn me away and demand I never return? I wouldn’t blame them after all our family has put them through.” He confessed.
“Why would they hate you for any of that Jess?” she replied. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It is me who needs to worry about being turned away. They have no reason not to love you, and from what I was able to gather from Christopher regarding your death, it seems that they did. They mourned you and wished to meet you as well. I promise you, it will be alright big brother.”
Grace’s reassurance had allowed him to sleep relatively soundly through the night. How odd it was to sleep again. He was so used to roaming around at night and simply not existing during the day, that it felt strange and frankly a bit scary to lay down in a bed again and let sleep overcome him. Nonetheless, Jesse felt mostly rested when he awoke, but the terror inside him hadn’t settled. He had only a few bites of his breakfast and dressed in a hurry. He had spent hours the previous night deciding which of his new suits to wear. He opted for a black tailcoat, a dark green vest and pinstriped trousers. The vest had been a gift from Lucie which automatically made it his favourite.
Lucie had asked if Jesse wished for her to accompany him to meet this family, but he had refused, knowing he had to face them by himself. However, he did tell her that he would be happy for her to join in telling the story of his revival when they all went to the Institute for lunch; an event that Lucie was organising.
Once he was ready Jesse went outside and wait for the carriage. Since the Blackthorns didn’t have their own (yet), Uncle Gabriel had agreed to send his own to pick Grace up.
He couldn’t help but worry again about what the Lightwoods would think. He had a vague memory of meeting his uncle Gideon when he was ten and insisting he would become a shadowhunter. Uncle Gideon had told him that he wanted to meet Jesse, but that was fifteen years ago, and his uncle could have easily changed his mind. He never met his Uncle Gabriel, and therefore had no prior knowledge on what to expect from him.
He was shaken from his thoughts with the sound of the door closing behind him. Grace descended the front steps of Chiswick wearing a simple charcoal teagown and coat. By then the carriage had arrived outside the gates and was waiting for them. Jesse helped his sister board the carriage then climbed in himself. He sat across from sister but refused to look at her. Instead, he propped his elbow under his chin and gazed out the window, returning to his troubles. Grace seemed to understand that no amount of reassurance could stop Jesse from worrying now, and simply reached her hand across and held his. Jesse gave her her hand a small squeeze but didn’t take his eyes off the changing scenery outside.
Winter was coming to a close now. The snow plaguing the roads was beginning to melt and people were ditching their winter coats for thinner jackets, but Jesse still shivered. It was incredible feeling the cold again. After not feeling much of anything for six years. Before he could bask any more the carriage came to a stop and the driver announced their arrival.
Jesse turned to Grace with fear in his eyes. ‘This is it’ he thought. He would finally know his family, for better or worse. The carriage door opened to reveal the steps of the Lightwood home and Jesse helped her exit. However, he could not muster up the strength to stand up himself and leave the carriage.
“I can’t do this” he croaked.
“Yes, you can Jesse,” Grace assured. “I will be right here with you, and they will love you. I promise.”
He gave her a small nod, but neither the fear in his eyes nor the sickly feeling in his stomach wavered.
Last night they had agreed that it should be Grace who knocks on the door, as it was her who requested the meeting. As Grace approached the door, Jesse stayed a few feet back and waited. All of his fears came back to him and swirled around his head. He remembered the awful stories Tatiana would tell to him when he was young, convincing him his family was evil, that they had murdered his father in cold blood. Although Jesse knew that his mother’s claims were false, he couldn’t help but fear for his life. He was terrified his uncles would want to kill him for all his mother had done to them. As he heard grace knock the door he considered making a run for it, but alas it was too late.
The door swung open to reveal a man with brown hair, an angular face and bright green eyes like his own. Gabriel Lightwood. Behind him stood a slightly shorter man. He had sandy hair and greyish-green eyes. Jesse recognised him as his Uncle Gideon and noticed he had not changed much despite not having seen him for the better part of fifteen years.
The two men had not had the chance to acknowledge him yet, as Grace immediately captured them in an earnest stare. However, after a moment, Grace stepped to the side to reveal Jesse to his Uncles.
For ten seconds all any of them could do was stare. Jesse could see feel their eyes boring into him as the emotions passed through his uncles’ expressions; recognition, sadness, confusion and fear. Finally, they both seemed to settle on disbelief.
Uncle Gideon’s eyes were wide as he whispered. “Jesse?”
His knees wobbled and Gideon steadied himself using the door frame as Gabriel continued to stare. Before anyone said anything else Jesse was suddenly enveloped in his uncle’s arms. He could feel something warm and wet dripping onto his shoulder. The hug became tighter as Jesse felt another set of arms wrap around him. In that moment, Jesse fully realized that he was alive again. His mother’s lies would never plague him and Grace again and he would never again have to wander the nights alone in the forest. He can finally know his family and start the life he never got the chance to live. Jesse wrapped his arms around his uncles and let the tears fall.
After a few minutes, Aunt Cecily came to the door and insisted everyone come inside to escape the cold. They were lead to the living room where the rest of the Lightwoods waited.
Aunt Sophie sat on a plush chair holding who Jesse presumed to be his youngest cousin, Alex. On the sofa, Thomas was sitting next to Christopher, who was wearing clean clothes with no scorch marks. Unbeknownst to them, Jesse had accompanied Lucie to many excursions with the Merry Thieves while he was still a ghost. Therefore Jesse knew that Christopher wearing fresh clothes was a rare occurrence, and wondered if it had anything to do with Grace’s presence. Hovering over Christopher was Anna, wearing a handsome blue suit and her red necklace was hanging from her throat.
All eyes in the room turned to look at the new arrivals, and Jesse began to feel nervous again. He looked to either side of him where his uncles were standing and they both smiled and nodded, eyes still watery, urging him to introduce himself. He took a deep breath and turned back to his family.
“Hello,” he started, feeling ridiculous. “My name is Jesse, and I am your cousin. I know this may all seem crazy, and it is, but I’ve been waiting to meet you all for twenty-five years, so here I am.”
There were many questions, most of which he refused to answer until they got to the Institute and could include Lucie in the conversation as well. There were even more hugs and tears, but for the first time in his life, Jesse Blackthorn felt like he was finally going to live the life he had always wanted.