Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?

~~~~~~~~~~

Bella laid on the bedroom floor, curled inward. She held back tears as she tried to keep from coughing, forcing herself to swallow instead. Breathing was painful, a fire scorching her throat with each inhale. Her chest seized and she couldn’t hold back anymore - she coughed. The wet, rough sound filled the room as she brought a hand to her mouth, training in vain to keep quiet so Charlie doesn’t hear. Tears fell from the corners of her eyes as the coughing spell went on. This was dying. With a final, disgusting hack a glob of petals expelled from her lungs and into her hand.

Two weeks ago Bella would have had a swell of emotions at the sight in her hand. After days of feeling weak and having a throat tickle, and constant rounds of coughing, eventually a single pink petal had come out of her mouth. At first she’d been confused, wondering how it was possible. Then after more fits of coughing and frantic researching, she’d been disbelieving and alarmed.

Hanahaki Disease

A mythical disease said to be caused by the belief that love is unrequited. The patient grows flowers in their stomach, lungs, and throat. The growth of the flowers causes nausea, dizziness, and shortness of breath, eventually leading to death by suffocation. 

Now she’s just resigned. She sighs and wipes her hand off on her jeans. 

Sniffling and shaking, Bella lifted her gaze to the center of the room. Alice stood, unnervingly still, hands poised like she was a moment away from scooping Bella up. Bella swallowed weakly and said, “I can’t fight it anymore Alice. I just want it to end.”

Alice’s eyes coated with venom. “I promise, I’ve seen you. You have to give it a chance, Bella, please.”

Bella shook her head, tears streaming from her eyes now. “It’ll never happen. You’ve seen the way she looks at me.”

“If you would tell the truth, if you would just try!”

Bella sat up suddenly, face contorted with anguish. “Enough! Alice… Rose will never love me,” Bella let out a strangled breath, “and Edward will never turn me. You’re my best friend. Please, let’s just pretend we’re two normal girls at a sleepover.”

Alice’s face pinched inward for a moment. Then she nodded once.  “This conversation isn’t over.”

“Just for now then, please?”

“... Okay. This means I get to teach you how to do those fishtail braids.”

Bella let out a watery laugh. “Deal.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Later, when they’re curled up in Bella’s bed together after attempts at braids and a movie marathon, Alice slid her arm around Bella and rested her chin on top of her head.

“How did it happen?” she asked softly, soft enough that Bella knew she could pretend not to hear it.

“You mean how did I fall in love with Rose?”

Bella felt Alice nod above her. “I never saw it. I’d always seen a future with us, glimpses with you and Edward. Then after Italy I started searching for you again and it had changed. I still see you as a vampire sometimes, but everything else is gone.”

“When Edward left I was so… broken. In a way I still am. I’d always admired Rose, even in the face of her disdain. She’s beautiful and strong. I know she’s angry, and I know a lot of that comes out at me, but whenever she yelled I just saw how deeply she cared. Being away from all of you hurt me. Now that you’re back, it hurts to be around you all again. I get to feel how the relationship Edward and I have is decaying. I get to feel how guilty Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme feel. Emmett’s probably the easiest, since he just acts like nothing happened. And with Rose I get to feel just how much she hates me and hates being back. With things with Edward feeling… like they do, somehow this thing with Rose became so different. It took on its own life.”

“Its own plant life?”

“Ha, yeah. I’m not really sure how a stupid crush turned into this… magic disease. This magic disease that isn’t even real.”

Alice let out a titter of a laugh. “Just like vampires and werewolves!”

Bella smiled softly. “Just like them. So the answer is, really, I don’t know. I had a bit of a crush on Rose for as long as I’ve known her. Then you all left. Now you’re back. Now it’s killing me.”

Alice huffed a heavy sigh. “I wish you would tell her. I know you think Edward wouldn’t understand, and, well he- he probably wouldn’t at first. Maybe after though, he’d be willing to turn you?”

Bella lifted her head to and twisted to fully face Alice. “You really think me being in love with someone else would convince Edward to change me?”

“He’s just fighting fate. I’ve seen it. ”

“Well, I haven’t. And every time he sees it in your head he gets this tortured look on his face. He already feels so bad, after everything. I don’t want to make him feel worse.”

“You could try te-”

“Don’t even think about telling me to try telling Rose. Even, even if she felt sympathy for what this was doing to me, she couldn’t just fix it. It has to be requited love. She can’t just… force her feelings like that…”

“I still think you should try not dying. I don’t want you to go.”

“You could always bite me.”

Alice shifts, a little uneasy, and her expression softens. “I don’t think that’s how it will go. I think if you decide to try it will work out.”

“And if I don’t? If I can’t face telling Edward or Rose?”

“Then talk to Carlisle and see if he’ll change you against Edward’s wishes.”

“I’m too tasty, huh?”

Alice’s smile is warm and soft when she says, “I wish I could make it easier. You should decide to try, instead.”

Bella smiles back, “For my best friend in this life I will try to decide to try. Tomorrow.”

Bella lets the tickle that has been creeping up her throat take over, and she gives in to a small coughing fit. Once it’s done, she turns and settles back under the covers, feeling the weight of everything in her lungs.

“Tomorrow,” Alice agrees, and turns off the lamp.

Chapter Text

Bella knows she’s dreaming. It’s clear to her because in her dreams, Rose isn’t sneering at her or yelling. In her dreams, Rose gently talks about her motivations, wants, and fears, explaining away any moment of anger or jealousy in the real world with that soft gaze and an apologetic tilt of her head. It was in her dreams when Bella first realized how complex Rose is. She knows, intellectually, that it isn’t really Rose talking, but somehow everything dream Rose says feels right.

“Are you even listening to me?” Rose asks, a smirk playing at her lips.

“Would it bother you if I said I wasn’t because I was too busy admiring your eyes?”

Rose huffs and looks away in mock offense. It is only in her dreams that Bella can speak like this, that Bella gets this side of Rose hidden from everyone else.

“I’m sorry Rose. Tell me what you were saying.”

“I was talking about Emmett.”

“What about him?”

“That I love him,” Rose says, and the warmth in her voice is apparent, “and I’ll always love him. He really… balances me, you know? And he’s fun.”

“Emmett’s a good guy, and a good fit for you.”

“Sometimes I hate him for it.”

Bella’s head jerks back a bit in shock. “You hate him?”

Rose sighs, and her face twists into something self-loathing. “He balances me. Where I am stormy he is light as day. With Emmett, I am still seething, bitchy Rose and always will be. I’ve been angry for so long and… sometimes I wonder if the right person would help me move on from it. Nobody likes me when I’m angry and that includes me.”

Bella’s quiet for a moment. “I think you can move on from your anger with or without an Emmett to complete you.”

Rose blinks and then scowls. “Kind of hypocritical for you to say, since you’ve got Edward. That dumbass would move heaven and earth to help you.”

“Please don’t say that. Edward doesn’t complete me and…” Bella hesitates, “Most days I feel like he doesn’t even know me. That I’m just a thing he wants to keep me happy and healthy, but only in specifically his way and his version of that. It doesn’t really matter what I think or feel or do.”

Rose sighs and her shoulders slump. “Yeah, I know. He’s an idiot. You’re not really a hypocrite.”

“You’re not incomplete, Rose. You are whole. You are beautiful, and smart, and strong on your own. Even in your anger you are caring and thoughtful where it matters. You don’t need Emmett to change for you to heal. You just need to remember who you are.”

“A complete and total badass?”

“Exactly.”

Rose nods, lips quirked into a smile, and they fall into companionable silence.

It is not the first time they’ve had this conversation, and it may not be the last. Dream Rose often comes back to how with Emmett she is still an angry person, and Bella often brings up how futile having an opinion seems when with Edward. Sometimes Bella wonders if the dreams are a sign Rose needs to have these talks with someone, but Bella isn’t a seer.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alice is in the kitchen talking to Charlie when Bella gets downstairs.

“I just worry about her. At this point it always feels like there’s something she’s not telling me,” Charlie says, seemingly more to himself than to Alice.

Bella hovers in the doorway, jaw dropped at hearing Charlie speak so openly about something to one of her friends.

Alice’s face is clear of mischief when she says, “I’m sure if it were life threatening she’d tell someone about it” but it’s ruined when she sends Bella a surreptitious wink.

Bella grimaces. She’s been playing off the coughing fits as a minor cold as well as she can around Charlie, not wanting to alarm him and not even knowing how she’d begin to explain what’s happening to her. How do you tell your dad you’re dying from flowers because you’re in love with your boyfriend’s sister, but your boyfriend has the ability to save your life by biting you, and oh by the way she’s not his real sister and they’re all vampires?

Bella clears her throat and steps fully into the kitchen. “Morning”

“Morning!” Alice chirps.

“Heya kid, how’d you sleep?” Charlie asks, posture a little awkward. It’s clear he doesn’t want to ask, now that she isn’t constantly waking him up with nightmares, as if any acknowledgment she was tormented in her sleep for months may bring it back.

“Good, dad, thanks.”

Bella shuffles over to the coffee maker but sees that Alice already made the pot. She shoots Alice an appreciative smile before pouring herself a mug. Charlie lets them know he’s heading out to go fishing and won’t be back until late. Bella hums in response, thoughts floating back to her dream. She wonders if Rose struggles with feeling incomplete, if she feels like she still needs someone. She wonders if Rose would ever consider letting her, talking to her like dream Rose, sharing her feelings. Bella breaks into a round of coughs, quickly leaning over the sink so any petals from her mouth can go down the disposal so Charlie doesn’t see. Charlie pauses in his exit, but Bella lifts a hand to wave him away. Alice promises she’ll keep an eye on Bella and he relents, leaving.

Bella’s coughing fit ends shortly after Charlie is gone.

“So,” Alice starts, “someone promised me they’d decide to try.”

“I believe I said I’d try to decide to try.”

“Bella!”

“Fine, fine. Just um.. Just, decide? That I’ll tell someone?”

Alice nods and perches up on the counter.

Bella takes in a deep breath, trying to steel herself. “Okay. I’m going to tell Rose that I’m in love with her.”

Immediately Alice gets the tell-tale faraway look that Bella knows means she’s searching through futures. Bella occupies the time by finishing her coffee and drumming idle beats on the counter. When after a few minutes Alice is still searching, Bella pulls out her tattered copy of The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet and decides to torture herself by reading it again. What once was a beautiful story has now become a reminder of the lengths Edward will go when hurting. As her eyes pass over the words, her mind is on how ready Edward looked to die, to have the Volturi take him. Bella was broken without him for months but Edward tore himself to pieces. And now that’s over, he’s back, and won’t budge on the idea of her soul. All the pain between them really can’t be healthy, can it? It doesn’t even have to do with Rose. If she and Edward were just a normal boy and girl, wouldn’t she have been put in therapy? She knows Charlie wanted her to go and wonders if things would be different if he had pushed her harder.

Bella is broken away from her thoughts by the sound of Alice’s broken gasps.

“Alice? What happened? Are you okay?”

Alice starts rapidly shaking her head and muttering to herself, too quietly for Bella to hear, before she flings herself at Bella and wraps her arm around her too tightly.

“Alice? Alice, you’re hurting me!”

Alice quickly lets her go and then meets her eyes, voice thick when she says, “I’m sorry, Bella.”

“... oh” Bella says, suddenly numb.

“I don’t understand. I’ve seen you before, as a vampire.”

“And now?”

Alice’s eye pool with venom. “We watch you die.”

“‘We?’”

Alice nods, without explaining. Somehow Bella still knows she means Rose is there, and probably Edward, whenever she takes her last breath.

“Can you see anything past that?”

Alice shakes her head and begins to explain what she’s seen of the final weeks of Bella’s life. It was sparser than normal, little flickers here and there, as if something else still hadn’t been decided. There’s a moment where Bella makes a comment in the cafeteria and Rose throws a drink in her face. When Bella tries to apologize for it the next day they get into a shouting match. Multiple snippets of Bella trying to start a conversation with Rose. One moment that stands out from the rest: they’re in Carlisle’s office, and Rose is asking her why she wants to be changed so badly. Rose isn’t screaming, but soft, and opens up to Bella about her past in a hope that they will come to understand each other. Alice doesn’t share the specifics, saying that it is Rose’s story to tell. Then, finally, Bella dying, Edward’s panic and confusion permeating the room, but all Bella can focus on is trying to keep Rose in view for her final breaths.

“I think he regrets it.”

“What?”

“Focusing on your soul.”

“Do you think that means if I told him instead, he’d turn me?”

“... Bella, I’m going to ask a very, very difficult question. You literally die because Rose doesn’t love you. Do you really want to turn that into immortal life? The things that happen around our death stick with us, are strongest for us, and it’s very difficult for us to get over things or change. It takes vampires a very long time.”

“Do you think I’d always feel this agony over Rose?”

“The thirst would distract you for a while, maybe.”

Bella heaves a sigh. “Well.. thanks for trying. Or trying to get me to try.”

Alice looks devastated. “What are you going to do now?”

Bella shrugs, “I think I’m going to do exactly what you’ve seen. While it probably means I’m disturbed, there’s something comforting about knowing that even if I tell Rose, I die. I still love her. I still want a closeness with her. Your visions work on decisions, and maybe somewhere along the way something will change with something she decides. I don’t know - this has felt oddly freeing.”

Alice does not look comforted. “If nothing changes you still die.”

Bella smiles sadly, “I’ll die trying, at least. You’ve helped me choose that. Thank you, Alice. You are my best friend.”

Bella hugs Alice. They stand in the kitchen, arms wrapped around each other, Alice making the occasional hiccuping noise and Bella humming lightly, feeling oddly at peace.

Chapter Text

Bella stood by her truck awkwardly in the Forks High parking lot. She had gotten to school early because Alice said today Rose would be driving in alone. Scuffing her shoes together, she wasn’t sure how she felt about trying to approach Rose like this. She imagined it wouldn’t go well - and Alice had predicted as much - but she still stood by her decision to talk to Rose. If she was going to die, she was going to die honest.

Rose’s car screeched into the parking lot, pulling surprisingly smoothly into a spot at the back of the lot. Bella took a few deep breaths to steel herself. There weren’t a lot of students at the school yet, so they would have relative privacy when she approached her. After a few seconds of standing stock still, Bella nodded to herself and started walking to Rose’s car. It wouldn’t do to lose her cool when she had this opportunity. 

Rose got out of the car just as Bella was closing in the distance. Rose did a quick scan of the parking lot before she sneered. “What are you doing?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“You have nothing meaningful to say, you stupid little human!” Rose hissed.

“Rosalie, please, I’d really like to just try to put aside our differences.”

“For what? So you can have an easier time with Edward? Newsflash! This life isn’t easy. ”

“It’s really important to me that we have at least one open conversation.”

Rose scoffed and shut the car door with a nudge of her hip. “Keep dreaming, Bella.”

Rose storms off toward the school. Bella thought she was out of hearing distance when she whispered, “I will” but from the momentary stiffness in Rose’s shoulders, she’d heard it.

Trying not to be embarrassed, Bella let out a prolonged sigh, swallowing hard to suppress a cough and headed inside. At least Rose let her talk at all.

~~~~~~~~~~

“How’d it go?” Alice whispered to Bella in the hall.

Bella scowled. “You already know how it went.”

“But I wanted to hear it from you. Just because I can see it doesn’t mean I don’t want to know your feelings. You seem to keep forgetting that you are my friend. Friends listen.”

Bella’s expression softened and she fidgeted with the straps of her backpack. “She didn’t exactly listen. While she totally shut me down, I did get full sentences out. She didn’t threaten me. I think if I just keep trying we’ll get there.”

“You-”

“No! Alice, no, don’t tell me any more than you already have. I promised I’d do this for myself and I don’t want any more influence on deciding.”

Alice’s mouth twisted but she quickly nodded. Suddenly she pivoted and made a very Alice-like chirp as Jasper walked over to them. He glanced between the two and seemed to be suspicious of something based on whatever he read, but simply says, “Afternoon, ladies”. 

Bella composed her face as innocently as possible. She knows Jasper can tell that she’s had difficult feelings lately, but he has respectfully stayed out of it. Part of her has worried that it’s because he thinks she still hasn’t forgiven him. In all of her drama with Rose and Edward, she’d forgotten how difficult it must be on Jasper to be back. There hasn’t even been a real conversation between them. Alice picked up on some kind of signal and gave Jasper a quick peck on the cheek. “Bye Bella!” she calls as she skips off.

“I was wondering if we could have a talk.” Jasper smiled wryly, something subtly self-deprecating in it before adding, “Without Edward around. He’s still not here yet, thanks to Emmett.”

“So that’s why everyone’s driving separately. So you could talk to me?” Bella feels something crumple inside her, hating that the Cullens have had to scheme around Edward just for Jasper to feel like he can approach her. “I’m sorry…” she adds.

“Just how it is right now, darling, there’s nothing you need to apologize for. I, however, need to offer a mighty big apology for what happened on your birthday. We never got to talk about it.”

“Jasper you have nothing to apologize for, it’s a risk and part of me being around the family is-”

“Please let me apologize. Even if this was a risk we all knew, you were still at risk because of my actions. Let me own my actions. Don’t you think Edward would rather you acknowledge my fault than blindly forgive?”

“It isn’t blind! And forgiving you isn’t about Edward. His feelings on if I should forgive you or not don’t matter, because I’m the one who gets to choose. I forgive you, Jasper.” Bella tried to emote as earnestly as possible so that Jasper could feel how sincere she was, that she didn’t hold it against him, and that she doesn’t even fear him.

Jasper closed his eyes, seeming to let her feelings wash over him. He opened his eyes again and said, “Okay. So in that case, I’ve got to ask - what is all this turmoil going on with you? You’re carrying something seriously heavy, Bella, and if it isn’t about being conflicted over me being around, I don’t know what it is.”

“I’d rather you still don’t know,” Bella replied quickly.

“I know my wife is keeping secrets from me for you. I’m not mad - everyone has secrets - and I’m glad you trust her still after everything. In a way it’s a good thing. I don’t like not knowing, though, now that it clearly involves her.”

Bella blinked. She hadn’t thought about how not letting Alice tell anyone might affect her relationship with Jasper, her mate .

“I’m sorry Jasper, but I-” Bella cuts herself off, because she remembers that the reason Alice is keeping this a secret is she is going to die. Bella is going to die, because Rose will never love her, Edward will never change her, and her lungs are going to stop. She’d been doing so well, holding back the turmoil from this, but all of a sudden it wells inside her. Tears well in her eyes and her throat burns. It was like she could feel petals growing, thorns pricking into her lungs.

Jasper startled, shifting quickly into concern as Bella curled in on herself. She let loose one pained sob before throwing her face into her elbow to cover her coughs. Unsure of how to help, he sent a wave of calm to her to help soothe her crying.

Bella could feel petals work their way up and out, onto her sleeve. It made her cry harder, knowing she’d have to see the evidence of everything she couldn’t have.

“Come on, here, let’s get out of the hallway,” Jasper whispered, guiding her outside and out of the way of other students. Nobody had been paying attention to them at first, but when Bella had started crying they had all taken interest, trying to figure out what the latest Cullen drama was.

He continued sending little waves of calm to her, gently trying to ease her out of the crying and coughing spell she was in. Bella lifted her head, sniffled, and murmured a “Thank you,” to him. 

She tried to twist her sleeve so she could brush the petals off unseen, but Jasper noticed. “Are those petals?” he asked incredulously. “Are you coughing up petals? Goodness Bella, we need to get you to Carlisle, that’s not normal.”

Bella couldn’t help it - those last sniffles turned into choked, watery laughter. Several petals came out as she threw her head back. Jasper felt a morbid amusement emanating from her. Once she calmed down, she said “Nothing about my life is normal, Jasper. It’s a disease. An incurable one. There’s no point talking to a doctor.”

“Incurable? What on earth? Bella, I don’t know what this is but-”

“Hanahaki. It’s the secret Alice has been keeping.”

“Why did she keep you being sick a secret? By “incurable” do you mean terminal ?! This is serious!”

Bella wanted to resist. She wanted to tell Jasper it’s a secret because it’s her life, her feelings, and her bullshit to tell and she just didn’t want to. Something in the panic Jasper showed, though, made her slump. She flipped her hair so it laid over her eyes and she had an excuse not to look at him. “If I tell you about this, it’s a secret for you, too. You can talk to Alice, but not anyone else.”

Jasper considered it carefully. Bella appreciated that Jasper always did seem to actually weigh her words, instead of making assumptions for her like Edward. Finally, Jasper nodded. So she tells him.

Chapter Text

Bella sighed internally as she made her way to the cafeteria. Whatever Emmett had done to distract Edward this morning had kept them both out of school the whole day. It was awful, in a way, that she felt so relieved by Edward not being here. Between the hanahaki and his overprotective tendencies, she wasn’t sure which was more suffocating.

As she made it into the cafeteria, she realized that this was another opportunity to try to talk to Rose. This would probably be when Rose dumped juice on her, according to Alice’s visions, but Bella had decided she would stick to her guns, and if that meant a juice dump, so be it. She idly grabbed food to put on her tray as she went down the line, wondering what specifically she should say to Rose when she sat down. Rose was already seated at the usual Cullen table, an orange juice and fruit cup open but untouched in front of her.

Once she’d gotten her tray and paid for it, Bella steeled her resolve and marched over to the Cullen table, quickly sitting in the seat next to Rose before she could say anything. Immediately Rose stiffened next to her, glaring at her as if looks could kill.

“Hi,” was all Bella said.

“ Go away ,” Rose hissed.

Jasper made an amused noise from where he was sitting across the table, and Bella felt her confidence bolster.

“No. I want to talk to you. I think now that your family is back we should take this opportunity to-” Bella gasped as the lukewarm juice poured over her. Rose had moved so quickly she hadn’t even seen the juice being picked up.

“Stop trying to talk to me!” Rose screeched. All around the cafeteria heads popped up and looked over at the Cullen table. Murmurs broke out, as it was clear Rose had just dumped her juice on Bella to go with her outburst.

“Rosalie! That was completely unnecessary!” Jasper said, handing Bella napkins to wipe her hair with. “You’re causing a scene.”

Rose hmphed and slung her backpack over her shoulder before storming off. Bella realized the calm she felt while wiping juice off her with dozens of teenagers staring at her was probably artificial, and smiled at Jasper.

“Thanks for helping me keep my cool.”

“Anything to help, darlin’.”

“Do you think you could get Rose to at least talk to me for one conversation? If I keep this up I’ll start to look as desperate as I am.”

“I’ll see what I can do for you,” Jasper said, before standing and gesturing in the direction Rose left. “I’ll go calm her down for now.”

“Thanks, Jazz.”

As Jasper walked away, Bella ended up making eye contact with someone at another table who had been watching the scene. Somehow, despite being utterly rejected again, something light had overcome her. If Rose will never accept her, then very soon none of these teenage opinions will matter for her. She stuck her tongue out at the kid just to see his look of surprise before she turned back to her tray and finished her lunch, some small, changed part in her now relishing the trivial stares.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alice was waiting for Bella outside her next class with a clean shirt and sweater.

“Aha!” Bella said, “The perks of a friend who sees everything coming.”

“Hurry up and get changed or you’ll be late.”

Bella smiled easily, grabbing the clothes and walking into the bathroom to change. Something about today, despite having juice dumped on her and the love of her life avoid her, made her feel better. Perhaps it was just that she had determined that the results didn’t matter; accepting her fate, instead of crying about it. Regardless, today felt like it was going… well . She had tried to speak to Rosalie twice, and sure, hadn’t really gotten to talk to her, but still. Rose looked gorgeous when she was glaring daggers at her, anyway, so it all worked out. Bella felt a tickle in her throat at the thought, and quickly leaned over a toilet to cough up petals. Mixed in among the petals she can see flecks of blood gently dissipating into the water. Her cheery mood leached away from her. 

Bella stared at the petals and the red streaks in the toilet, trying to take slow, calming breaths.

It will be fine. Alice says that I do get to tell Rose, even though I die. My final wish is just for her to know that I admire her.

Bella flushed the evidence of her conflict down the toilet and changed shirts quickly, deciding that she’ll take what’s in store, thorns and all.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bella should have known the peace from Edward wouldn’t last. As she walked out of the building to go home, there was the Volvo, parked right next to her truck. Edward got out of his car and smiled brightly at her. 

“I’d like to give you a ride home, since I didn’t get to see you today.”

“What about my truck?”

“Alice can take it.”

“Did you actually ask Alice if she would, or are you just assuming she’ll see it and won’t mind running errands for you?”

“Alice doesn’t mind.” Edward said, with a tone of finality. There he went, putting his foot down, ready to control the rest of her afternoon. Something in her snapped.

“I’m driving my truck home, Edward.”

He looked surprised. Behind Bella, the rest of the Cullen kids were walking to their cars, and had heard the exchange. Rosalie quirked up a brow at Bella fighting back, but kept walking.

Edward seemed to take a deep breath in, and his hands tensed.

“This is part of what I want to talk about.”

“What is?”

“Lately you’ve just been… difficult. ”

He says this like I’m an unruly child. He doesn’t even talk about me like I’m a girlfriend he loves.

Bella pauses, trying to find the words. She’s angry, but she doesn’t know how to articulate anything in a way that Edward will understand. And that’s the problem - he never understands.

“Edward, you have to stop just shoehorning me into everything. You always tell me what to do, and you never ask. You just assume I’ll be… obedient.”

“What? Bella, what are you talking about? That’s not what’s happening at all!”

“That’s exactly how it happens! I’m sick of it. So no, I’m driving my truck home. If you wanted to spend more time with me today, you could’ve been a decent person and just asked.”

Edward leaned back, confused, but he quickly recovered.

“May I come over once you’re home?”

“Ugh, fine!” Bella snapped, knowing deep down he just wasn’t grasping the picture. He didn’t even register how often he overrode her own thoughts or motives or desires. Was he like this with everyone, or just her? I wonder how Rosalie can even stand him…

Bella swallowed roughly, trying not to think too hard about Rose again, and quickly got in her truck and turned the key.

Chapter Text

Bella pulled into the driveway, trying to think about how this afternoon would go. Edward clearly had a problem with her, and it all came down to him thinking he could leave her to suffer, alone, for months and then sweep back in like nothing happened. On some level, Bella wondered if part of Rosalie’s disdain was for how submissive she had been with Edward before. It had taken everything that had happened - all the rage and pain and drama - for her to realize just how controlling and possessive Edward had been the whole time. When she looked at it with a cold eye, she wondered if he even truly liked her, or just liked her silent thoughts and the reminder he could self-flagellate for monsterdom. 

As soon as she got out of her truck she saw Edward get out of his car parked along the street. She nodded to him and tilted her head toward the house. It was time to test how far Edward would go for her. He wants to love her, wants to claim her life, but after leaving her he never asked if they were back together. He just assumed. Edward may not know Bella was dying, and she wasn’t going to tell him. He didn’t trust her, ever, even with important things - why should she exchange the courtesy of honesty to him?

They walked into the house together. Edward was blessedly silent until after Bella had put her bag away and finished a glass of water. She drank more than normal, praying if she was hydrated enough it might keep her from coughing too much in front of him. Belatedly, Bella realized he was actually waiting for her to indicate it was okay for him to speak. There’s a first time for everything, I guess.

“Yes, Edward?” she asked.

“I’m worried about you. Your behavior has been so,” he paused, as if trying to find the least offensive word, “different, since we moved back.”

“Did you really think I would be unaffected by everything that’s happened? By everything you’ve done to me?” Edward flinched.

“I just want to fix it. I want things to go back to how they were before. I understand now that I can’t be without you.”

Bella shifted on her feet for a little, biting her lip. Fuck it. “Then change me.”

“What?! Bella, no!”

“Why not? The Volturi already expected it, have demanded it of the Cullen family.”

“And they will take years to come and check, which gives us plenty of time for you to have a life and then for me to protect you from them when the time comes.”

“What, so I should just live a glorious life on the run because you can’t see past your own prejudice?!” Bella shouted.

“It’s not prejudice Bella, we are MONSTERS!” Edward roared back at her.

Bella paused, chest heaving. This is pointless, isn’t it? Bella stood straight, trying to raise herself to her full height. “Get out of my house, Edward,” she whispered. “We’re done talking.”

“... What?”

“This isn’t going anywhere. We will keep having this fight. You will continue to belittle and ignore my wishes, and I will continue to long to become one of you, to belong. You will never give in and I will never stop wanting it. So get out.”

“... Bella, Bella what are you talking about? We love each other. Or are you saying you… you don’t love me? You just, what, wanted to become a vampire the whole time?” Edward looked as hurt as she’d ever seen him. “We can still be together. I just won’t make you a monster.”

“And I want to be a monster, Edward. You’ve written me off as a foolish little girl romanticizing the supernatural, and I want a man who respects me. Maybe if you hadn’t left me it’d be different, we’d hear each other when we have this fight, or it wouldn’t be a fight in the first place, I don’t know,” Bella paused to sigh heavily, “but I know that we will never be like we were before, and if you won’t change me we have no future.” Because I’ll be fucking dead.

Edward stood, still as a statue, eyes pleading. “Where is this coming from? You came to Italy! You wanted me back, you wanted us back…”

“I wanted you to not kill yourself, you goddamn idiot. But you don’t listen, you don’t respect me. You know Laurent called me your pet before the wolves killed him? Just your plaything. I think, in a way, he was right.”

Edward looked perplexed, and moved his hands toward Bella.

“Don’t touch me Edward. Don’t try to talk to me about it. I already asked you to get out. Please just leave. Go home, hug Esme, tell your family they matter, and leave me alone.”

“I love you! I can’t just leave like this.”

Bella’s lips quirked, “Isn’t that a little ironic? Don’t answer that. Just go, before I call Charlie and tell him I need a restraining order.”

Edward’s brows rose, “You’re just springing this on me. Don’t you think it’s a little quick to call the chief over it?”

In response, Bella pulled out her phone and started calling Charlie. When she looked back up, Edward had vanished.

“Hey Bells, you okay? You don’t usually call when I’m at work," Charlie's voice came over the phone.

“Yeah Dad, I just wanted to know if you could grab some takeout on the way home tonight. I don’t really feel like cooking. Edward and I… broke up.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, I can get takeout. You doing okay? He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“I kind of just want a quiet night alone.”

“Of course. I’ll see you when I get home.”

“Bye,” Bella said as she hung up. She already had a notification of a message from Edward.

I don’t understand.

And he never will.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Charlie got home, Bella was curled up under the covers in bed, determined not to get out, even for food. The conversation with Edward hadn’t gone any differently than she thought it would, but it left her drained and incredibly sad.

Charlie knocked on the door to her room before coming in and sitting on her bed. He ran a hand over his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You have no idea how little I want to talk about it. But… Charlie’s been here for me through so much.

Bella slowly pulled back the covers so she could see Charlie’s face. “Edward wasn’t very good to me, was he?”

Charlie’s brows shot up. “Did he hurt you? Has he hurt you before? I swear that accident in Jacksonville sounded too-”

“Dad!” Bella interrupted, “He never hit me, or pushed me, or threw me around… but still. Deep down, I don’t think he was very good to me. It was always about what Edward wanted and what Edward thought was best. I was so wrapped up in it when they left.”

Charlie nodded, clearly unsure what to say but willing to listen.

“I think.. I think Edward being back and him wanting to act like ignoring me for all those months didn’t hurt my feelings made me realize how little my actual feelings matter to him. So today I told him I don’t want to talk to him anymore.”

“I did think you two fell pretty deep, way too fast, Bells.”

“I know. I don’t think I ever really thanked you for how supportive you were to me while he was gone. I know you didn’t understand. Him leaving was like a gaping hole in my existence… but I think breaking up and avoiding him is for the best.”

“And you think he won’t respect that?”

“He has a history of not listening to me…”

“You just let me know if I need to do something about it. I can call Dr. Cullen up and make sure he knows he needs to keep his kid in line.”

“Not yet. I want to see for now if maybe he’ll just listen. I don’t want to do anything drastic. And thanks for listening.”

Charlie leaned down and wrapped an arm around her. “I love you, Bells.”

“Love you, too,” she whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~

“So you finally did it?” Rose said. She kicked a rock that was in front of her, then lifted her foot to make sure there weren’t any scuffs on her shoe. There was no judgment or scorn in her voice. Right, I’m dreaming again. Of a Rose that doesn’t hate me.

“Maybe it would have made more sense to lay low, but I don’t know. With the hanahaki, and me trying to talk to you, I just don’t have the patience to play pretend with him.”

Rose smiled a little wryly, “I guess this time we’ll be talking pretty meta.”

“Sometimes the dream is immersive, and I know it’s a dream but I’m still in it and talking to you. Today I just had too much on my mind.”

“I can do meta. Being pretty doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” Rose pouted, slightly playfully, to show she was teasing.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I never have,” Bella paused, “You know, Edward always told me you were the most vain person I could ever meet.”

“I’m not surprised. I am pretty hot.”

Bella laughed. “You’re also more complex than he ever let on.”

“How would you know? The only real conversations we have are all dreams. See? I can totally be meta.”

Bella tilted her head in thought, smiling fondly, tugging at the weeds nearby. “I don’t know. I know we’ve never had these conversations in real life, but a part of me just knows the insight I take away is real.”

“So what did you learn this time?”

“That you’d judge me more for staying than for leaving. Although I think the real you would be upset that I left on the premise of not being changed.”

“There’s a story there.”

“I can tell.”

Rose smiled, softly, “I hope I tell you”.

Bella shifted, looking at Rose fully, and then whispered, “Thanks”.

Chapter Text

Bella woke up from the dream, chest heaving, but no breaths coming in. She rolled onto her side and forced herself to cough, to expel whatever was in her lungs. Finally something fat and wide rolled past her lips and plopped onto her pillow. Bella closed her eyes, tears leaking down her face. She sniffled and took gasping breaths until her heat rate went back down. When she finally opened her eyes there, on her pillow, was a fully formed rose. 

It’s getting worse. I have to talk to Rose before it’s too late.

Taking a few purposeful, deep breaths Bella nodded to herself and got up to start her day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bella rushed through her morning, wanting to get to school as early as possible, scarfing down breakfast and barely talking to Charlie, in a rush to get out the door. The last thing she needed to do was choke up petals in front of him and have to have a conversation about the inevitable. On the drive to school she idly drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, wondering what her approach should be today. Jasper said he would calm Rose down yesterday and see if she’d sit down for one conversation, but that doesn’t mean he was successful. Rose was notoriously difficult around Bella at this point.

Sighing, she parked the car. She planned to sit there, trying to come up with some idea of the best way to talk to Rose, but then she noticed: sitting across the parking lot was the only other car, Rose’s. A sliver of hope slid through her. Bella got out of her truck and slowly started walking to Rose’s car. The passenger door opened, but Rose did not leave the car. When Bella finally made it over, almost breathless from the hope that they were finally sitting down to talk, Rose said, “Get in”.

Bella slid into the passenger seat and shut the door. She still hadn’t figured out what she wanted to say to Rose, how she was going to tell her, and she was sure she’d make a fool of herself improvising, but she was going to try. That was, until Rose started speaking first.

“We’re going for a drive. You’re going to listen to me.”

“... Okay.”

“Good.”

Rose left the parking lot and then increased their speed to the stereotypical vampire race down the streets. Bella watched Rose, waiting for her to talk, but Rose patently avoided eye contact. Finally, Bella huffed and shifted in the seat to watch the trees pass by. After several minutes of silence, Bella lost patience.

“What did you want to talk about?” Please, please talk to me.

Rose glanced over at Bella and then sighed heavily. Bella noted that since vampires didn’t have to breathe, the sigh was definitely for dramatic effect.

“Edward told us you broke up with him because he wouldn’t change you.”

“There’s… more to it than that.”

“You need to know what you’re asking for, what you’d be giving up by trying to change. This life isn’t actually easy, and despite Alice’s attempts, it’s not glamorous. It’s cold and lonely.”

“You’re lonely even with the Cullens?”

“Just listen to me. I’m trying to tell you something important.”

“Sorry,” Bella whispered.

Rose tensed next to her for a moment, then seemed to purposefully relax.

“When I was a human, I had everything I wanted. I was beautiful, desirable, and engaged to a man who would keep me in high status. I know now that I didn’t love him, but did love what he could offer me. Back then, that was enough. I was going to get married, have a home, and start a family. Things any woman should want.

His name was Royce. He was very handsome, and I, of course, made perfect sense on his arm. One night while walking home from a friend’s house I came across Royce. He was out with his friends and incredibly drunk. He called me over and slung his arm around me and praised me to his friends, but something was off about him. He started tugging me and saying that I was a tease and a prude. I don’t know if it was just the alcohol, or if it was something he’d been planning the entire time, but he decided then that I couldn’t be a tease any longer. He and his friends held me down and raped and assaulted me. When they were done, they’d realized how much damage they had done and fled, leaving me for dead. That’s when Carlisle found me.”

“Rosalie, that’s terrible. I hate that that happened to you. I hate Royce for doing that to you.”

“I was dying. My life and dreams were torn from me in that moment by Royce. Carlisle thought he was doing me a favor, saving me. But he didn’t give me a choice.”

“After being violated in one way, because he didn’t have your consent, Carlisle violated you another way… in what was your most vulnerable moment…” Bella said, horrified.

“Carlisle meant well. But he gave me an immortal life born from a broken body lying in the street after all her hopes were trashed. I will never have a family. I will never have a home full of warmth and love where I grow old and watch my family grow. I can never have any of that. I will live forever, knowing I can never have what I’ve always wanted. If you become a vampire, you can’t have a traditional home. You won’t be able to have kids. You won’t grow old together with someone.”

“What if those aren’t my dreams?”

“You can’t just throw this away! You’re being naive!”

“I haven’t thrown anything away, Rose! I am still human, closer to dying every single day, with every breath I take. I’m going to die.” And I’m going to die much sooner than you think.

Rose shook her head. “You can’t focus on that. You need to focus on your life. On finding love, on going to college, on traveling and seeing the world and dancing in the sun.”

Bella felt her throat tickle as she considered her next words. “I don’t think I’m going to find love like you want me to. Not in time.”

Rosalie scoffed. “You’ve got your entire life ahead of you!”

Bella’s hands curled into fists. “I wasn’t pressuring Edward because I want to give everything you think is important away. I asked Edward to change me because I want to live. I need to be changed to live, because -”

“I am not living! I am not alive! I am frozen, like this, forever. You would be stuck , Bella. Frozen as a naive little girl who can’t see what’s in front of her.”

Bella stopped arguing, chest getting tight. “I see you, Rose. You’re in front of me. Telling me about your life and what you’ve been through. I can see you. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you”

A series of expressions Bella couldn’t catch flashed over Rose’s face before it settled into fury. The car screeched to a halt.

“Get out.” Rose spat.

“What?” Bella asked, bewildered, and she could almost feel the thorns and petals creeping up her lungs. She looked out of her window and didn’t even recognize which stretch of the road they were on, just surrounded by trees. Suddenly her seatbelt was undone, the passenger door opened, and with vampire speed Bella was shoved out of the car.

Bella panicked, trying to keep from coughing, as tears pricked at her eyes. “I love you,” she said, knowing Rose would hear her even as the door slammed shut. “I left Edward because I love you. Because I see a beautiful woman who feels unseen and incomplete. Who everyone thinks is angry and vain but who I know is so much more. And I know,” Bella paused, coughing a few times, “I know you only see me as a dumb human. But I see you. I feel like I know you. I want to know more about you. Please, Rose.”

The car sped away. Rose’s grip on the steering wheel iron tight.

Bella released a sob, falling to her knees. At least she told me her story. At least I told her the truth. Bella started coughing hard, petals falling from her lips. She became dizzy. She could barely breathe. The world became fuzzy at the ages as she coughed and coughed, heaving full roses from her lungs and specks of blood.

“Alice…” she croaked, hoping somehow her friend would see her and know where she was.

Chapter Text

Bella came to in the Cullen home. I must have passed out…
Alice and a confused, worried Carlisle were sitting across from her, talking softly. “How long has she been suffering?” she heard Carlisle say.
“Since Italy,” replied Alice, “But I think she’s had the feelings for longer.”
“It explains why she’s been so determined to be changed. I wish she had told us before it got so severe.”
“Carlisle, now that you know, can’t you change her?”
“I think we should consider explaining the full story to Rose.”
“She’s like this because of Rose!”
“But Rose didn’t know Bella was dying, or that she’s been in pain, because of her attitude toward her.”

Bella rolled over on the couch she was laying on and both Cullens turned to face her.
“Bella,” Carlisle said, a bit awkwardly, “I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t tell us.”
“How would I have even started that conversation? I’m dating your son but the fact that your daughter doesn’t care about me is literally killing me?”
“I can see how it would have been a difficult topic to broach… If your condition gets any worse, I’m not sure you’ll survive. It would be in your best interest for us to tell Rosalie.”

Bella thought about how angry Rose had been, how she’d literally kicked her out of the car and driven away. How the Rose in her dreams would listen, but the Rose in real life still hated her. She knew these thoughts were making her airways constrict, but she couldn’t make them stop. She started coughing, petals forcing their way up her longs and back out of her throat, and she couldn’t get enough air. She fell to the floor from the severity of her coughs, alarming Carlisle and Alice.
“Alice! Go get Rose. We need her here now!” Carlisle shouted.
Carlisle came to Bella’s side and tried to turn her so she’d be in the best position to breathe, and he ran a hand down her side. “Whatever you’re thinking about is making this worse, Bella. You need to calm down.”
“I - I can’t-” Bella tried to say, before coughing violently once more. Lovely lily flowers tumbled past her hand onto the floor, flecked with blood.
“Inhale through your nose, slowly. Please, Bella, try.”
Bella shook, but tried to do as Carlisle instructed. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, and while the sensation in her throat was still there, she found she could resist the need to cough. It didn’t pass her attention that her breaths were shallower than before, though, as if her lungs were already full from the flowers.
“I don’t want to die, Carlisle…” Bella whispered.
“I know. We’ll talk with Rose, we’ll work something out.”
“Hanahaki comes from unrequited love. You can’t force her to love me.”
“No, but perhaps spending time together would mitigate the risk, or slow down the process until we find a cure.”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Bella, at least let us try.”
Bella sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Alright, yeah. I’ll see if spending time with Rose helps. If she’ll even have anything to do with me.”

Alice and Rose came inside then. Rose’s eyes flicked between the petals and blood on the floor, Bella, and Carlisle.
“Alice told me what you’ve been going through,” Rose started, fidgeting. Bella felt fondness run through her at the very human sight of Rose shifting her weight from foot to foot.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Rose. I won’t ask that of you.”
“I don’t love you,” Rose said softly, and the way the words came out was an apology. “I don’t hate you, either. I don’t want you to die. I would never want that.”
“Do you understand why I wanted so badly to be changed?”
Rose looked extremely uncomfortable, but nodded once.
“The hanahaki wouldn’t go away if I’m changed, but since vampires don’t need air to live, I wouldn’t be killed by it. You could continue on not liking me, or resenting my decision to be changed, but at least I wouldn’t be dead.”
Alice gasped loudly. Everyone turned toward her, but she quickly shook her head and made a motion to Rose.
Rose’s mouth was set in a firm line. She looked conflicted. Then she said, “My control is the best in the house, beside Carlisle. It’s only fair that I turn you myself.”
“You’d do that? For me, but-”
“Don’t give me time to change my mind. Alice, Carlisle, please make arrangements. Bella, let’s… go to my room, I guess.”
Hope sprang forth in Bella, overwhelming her. “Thank you,” she breathed. Together they went up the stairs.

Gently, Rose pressed her into the bed. “This is going to hurt,” she said. Bella nodded. A pained expression came over Rose’s face, and she leaned back. “You’ll never have a human life, because of me…” Not knowing what to say, Bella stayed quiet. Rose squared her shoulders, met Bella’s eyes, and said “Ready?”.
“Yes,” Bella whispered.
With no further fanfare, Rose leaned forward and bit her, twice.

There was agony. Searing pain like she’d never imagined. Yet somehow underneath it all, there was something else. Bliss.

~~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly, everything stopped. Bella opened her eyes and slowly sat up. It took her a moment to adjust to her improved vision. She took several seconds to get used to focusing. In the corner, in a chair, Rose sat, watching her sadly.

“Now what?” Bella asked, and jerked a little at the change in her voice. It was musical.

Rose stared at Bella for a long moment. Then finally she lifted her shoulders a bit into a shrug. “Now we have all the time in the world to figure this out.”