Chapter Text
“it’s all your fault. it always is. you’re always the cool dad and i’m the witch,” minho said first - but he always does anyway.
the aged man was a lot of chan’s firsts, once.
“don’t start it now, min.”
“don’t start-” he gets as pink as a bubblegum. chan thinks it’s a cute thing his - grumpy - ex-husband could do. “what do you mean, don’t start now?”
minho tries to copy chris’ thick, aussie accent but it does not sound good. he keeps saying…
“he could have gone to jail. do you understand that? your only child would be bailed by your forties. he’s still in high school, chan.”
“minho. listen,” chan touches the base of his nose. he’s too tired to handle another one of minho’s freak outs. “some kid caught a spliff inside his locker room and there’s barely any evidence that the thing is actually jeongin’s. anyway, no kid goes to jail because they’re curious. not in la, you know that too well. third year of college, do you remember those parties changbin would throw?”
those were the good times. nowadays, chan’s too tired to handle anything. his job, all the moving to a new apartment, the divorce.
maybe that’s the reason minho and he broke up - it’s one hundred percent the reason why they broke up. his life was a mess half of the time, the only two stable things being his love for music and for jeongin - that child was much more important than anything he ever had in his life. suddenly, minho couldn’t see himself in chan’s life equation.
“first of all, fuck you. second of all, jeongin? curious? not him. he barely knows what drugs are, i raised him well. oh god, it’s you that goes too easy on him. all of your free spirit bs. i can’t believe i’m the one who gets to have him just for the weekends. you had a great lawyer, i have to admit that.”
the principal’s secretary stares at them. her eyes roll. she must get a couple like them arguing over her papers each week, chan thinks.
thing is, lee minho could be really mean when he really wanted to. it never hurt chan because well, they’ve got used to each other. six years in their marriage and chan was bulletproof.
minho could question his parenting as much as he wanted. but jeongin's wellness was not some battle they could win.
with their son, the love they shared for him, it would never be like that.
“hey,” chan said, he was very calm. “jeongin was the one who picked me. he chose to stay with me because the judge thought he was mature enough to do so - make his own decisions, think what’s best for him and not for us - so he did. not me. not the lawyers. not anyone. lee jeongin.”
“the judge. give me a break, chan. i’m his father and i, too, know what’s best for my son. she clearly made the wrong decision here.”
minho sounds like he regrets all his words, all the time, when it comes to his husband. well… ex now.
“look, min,” he’s too used to the nickname to simply drop it. it isn’t like chan is still in love with him because he’s not. he isn’t. he still sees a friend in minho, that’s all. someone he can speak with, really speak, when they are not arguing over something. chan has to be his friend because they share the same story, the same love, and the same responsibility over their son. there couldn't be hate between them. some regrets? probably. yes. but never hate. “it’s not about us, ok? i know you understand. god, i wish i didn’t know you that well. it's never about which parent is the best or what we think about each other. don’t you think i’m worried as well? he’s my son too."
minho shrugs. “it doesn't look like you are.”
“right, but i am. not about some shitty drugs some emo kid probably gave him. i’m worried about our son keeping secrets from us. real secrets. our innie is lying to us when he couldn’t keep small things to himself.”
minho smiles, fixing his gray scarf. it was a cold day outside.
“do you remember when he told me about getting dori?” chan nods. of course he does, it is one of his favorite memories. “it was always a secret right?”
“dori was your birthday present that year. jeongin was ten. he couldn’t keep the secret for a whole day. of course i remember.”
“we were so excited about having a new pet in the house. he was. he told me everything even before it was bedtime. how his day was, how you guys visited the animal shelter dori used to live. during dinner before that, i thought jeongin was about to puke on his food but he was only trying to hold his tongue.”
“it didn’t work, clearly. i had to pick dori two days later, almost a month before your birthday.”
“he’s a smart boy like his father,” and minho was staring at chan.
chan is going to meet a new person and start a new relationship. someone who, too, will like his messy house and the fact that sometimes he cries during adam sandler’s movies - jesus, someone who will watch those foolish movies with him on fridays like minho did - he was a saint, really.
chan’s movies were cinema crap. at least, minho would always have new material - blurry pictures of his husband's wet eyes, his nose all disgusting and running.
they had been an odd pair, a good one, once.
“yeah, like his appa too.”
“do you remember all of those photos you’ve taken of them? innie and the cats. you even had them hanging in your studio. what, do you still have it?”
chan nods again. “i could never take them down. they inspire my music.”
minho sighs in his place - they're in the middle of a school corridor, a wall with a bunch of trophies looking at them.
chan fixes their beanies, snow is silently falling outside a window.
“what did we do wrong, chan?” minho asks. “i know you don’t care about school. you were self made and all that shit. but i do, and i know jeongin does too. i keep track sometimes and his grades started to drop two months ago. i should have known. i thought it was only a phase or whatever… but now this. that’s not him at all.”
“what if it is, uh? what if that's jeongin and that’s exactly why they called us both. i mean, we are his parents, minho. of course we will always think our child is perfect.”
“it’s all our fault.”
“it’s not. partially, maybe. but not everything.”
minho looks impatient. he is impatient all the time really. minho is folding and unfolding his gloves. he’s impatient and angry and grumpy because he knows chan is absolutely right.
and that’s what his ex-husband hates the most: to be completely wrong.
“why would jeongin be doing drugs? you’re pretty messy but truly kind. and what you lack in brain cells i have in-”
“thanks, i suppose,” chan says. he laughs too.
“let me finish, alright? what i mean is… we were never bad parents to jeongin. even during the divorce. sometimes i think… i think he wanted us to be apart for some time. everyone did. my parents. your sister. jeongin wasn’t happy about it, of course, but he was always such a smart kid, chan. he knew what real happiness was because we showed him that, so he knew we weren’t as happy as a couple anymore.”
“he’s special,” chan simply whispers.
“but what if he’s not? and we just want him to be, so bad. what if he doesn’t want to be special? fuck,” the secretary stares at them. this is an educational environment, sir, her bored eyes tell. “i’ve always told you we should have adopted a second child. maybe a little girl. they say it’s good for boys to grow up in a woman biased home.”
“they?” chan asks.
“sometimes i watch mom youtube, alright? don’t make the hard questions right now. i can feel my brain touching my scalp. i’m going to kill lee jeongin.”
chan grins.
“you will not, you’re always sweet with him. we could adopt another child. an older one, maybe? it doesn’t always have to be a baby, you know, i’ve always said it. you were the one who fell in love at first sight - not that i regret it. or you, of course.”
chan had an huge heart and it was all filled with jeongin’s memories. his first smile, the moment he started to write by his own, that day jeongin and minho kept arguing over who was the best drag queen on rupaul’s drag race - violet chachki for minho, bob the drag queen for jeongin - during minho’s homophobic aunt funeral.
you know, important moments - they’ve all hated that woman.
chan had all of them inside his heart, to never, ever, let them go.
“you know we are too old for another child. shit- ” minho hits his own forehead. “you were kidding, weren’t you?”
chan tights his shoulders so they won’t shake. he can’t hold his smile though.
“we were supposed to be divorced, kitty.” he whispers.
minho becomes as red as a beet.
“it’s fine, really,” chan tells min. “sometimes i forget too. you still have a room in my place, goddamn it.”
“if you thought i’d let you raise my son by your own, christopher bang, you were very wrong. actually, you can shove that hwang hyunjin lawyer of yours up your ass. you can’t clean at all and the only two dishes you know how to cook are ramen and popcorn, and that’s not even food.”
“right, minho, now shut up ‘cause you have a-”
minho had a couple of lost eyelashes on top of his rosy cheeks for a while and that's been bothering him. chan had to get close to his face to touch them with his fingers. perhaps, he got too close. chan feels minho’s breath slowing down as he watches the brownest eyes lightly close. minho feels more like himself - more relaxed - when he’s by chan's side.
minho lips taste like melted ice and oranges.
nobody ever said anything about losing the love you once felt. it just gets lost sometimes. for some people, it comes back in slow steps.
a door's opened so they fall apart.
a voice - that sounds too much like it is seungmin’s, jeongin’s favorite teacher and minho’s nemesis - says. “are these your parents? i thought you said they divorced a year ago.”
jeongin doesn’t know what to tell him. he’s been crying a bit and missing his family too much.
“yes, they are. they’re pretty weird and a bit complicated. just don't mind them.”
_/_/_/
"i hope you know that you're grounded for the rest of your life, lee jeongin," his appa says while his dad drives through the snow layers.
"you're not."
"he is, chan. we're lucky enough the school is not reporting. i hate seungmin but sometimes i think he deserves a raise."
"don't pest seungmin, minho, he's a very nice guy," chan sides his body toward the backseats. "and you, that chance the rapper show you and jisung wanted to attend so much, that's not going to happen anymore, do you hear me? and your phone stays with me for the next two weeks, the ipad and your laptop too."
"what if he needs it for school?" minho is the one who actually whispers.
"he can have mine. what they found in your locker room, that's not cool. you know that, right kid?"
"yes, sir," jeongin answers, small. it is twice scary to be scolded by his dad, not his appa, who's usually all sunshines and pretty loose about things. not hidden drugs though.
"you've got your dad and i really worried, jeongin. i really thought they would get you spelled or something. do you understand how hard it would be to find you another good school? we both worked really hard to get you into a private school with a scholarship, these places aren't usually that cheap. the… weed. whoever gave you that, jeongin, they're not in the right path in life." minho completes.
"jesus, you just sounded like the white people at my parents' church," chan says by the same time minho does too. "shut the fuck up, christopher."
jeongin doesn't tell them but he takes the guilt over felix, who's a close friend but it's raised by very homophobic parents. if he stays at home, felix gets beat up for being gay so he has to stay at his boyfriends'. the problem is, the guy is a total asshole that makes lix sell pills and other drugs for minors in exchange for a roof over his head and paid bills.
felix is brilliant. he understands art better than anyone jeongin knows and his makeup is always very experimental and freely-like. jeongin doesn't tell him, yet, but he's been into him for some time.
jeongin is a good student. actually, he's very humble and one of the school's best - sometimes his appa just freaks out because, for minho, an a minus turnt into a b plus is the end of the world. he's very dramatic. that, jeongin can handle later.
felix doesn't have a dad or an appa in his life. but he has jeongin, and that must mean something good.
it is silent for a while inside the car.
jeongin coughs.
"i don't know if that's the right moment to tell you," he tells his parents first handley. "but i received a new email earlier, from ucla. the teacher said, how did he say it again- oh. she said they are looking for young minds, fresh meat, for their computer science intern's group. somebody said my name, i don't know how really, i think it has to do with seungmin, so i've got the invitation. it's volunteer work until i get into college, though."
chan never hit his car's breaks so harshly in his life.
minho's lips are open, shaped like a small o. the rest of his face is.… completely blown away. the snow keeps falling outside.
"you mean uc… from the la?" minho asks.
jeongin nods.
"what other ucla is there?" jeongin says, smirking. he looks just like minho when he's being a smarty pants - chan thinks it is annoyingly beautiful.
chan gasps. his parents can be so annoying.
"we're raising a genius, min," his dad says.
"don't be stupid, christopher."
they end up understanding later, when felix breaks up with his dumb ass boyfriend and finally kisses jeongin. felix ends up spending the summer more in chan and jeongin's place than his own.
and, well, minho comes by too. scolds jeongin and chan's mess a lot, cooks them all pizza and finds a new, less of a nerd and more like an artist son in felix, makes sure chan is sleeping eight hours a night, and not mixing new tracks throughout his nights.
jeongin tells his parents the truth and they get it - those two were really the best parents in the whole world.
but that's story for later. for now, maybe they could talk about that new kiss...