Chapter Text
“I’d just like you both to know that I blame you equally for my involvement in this, and I hate you both for it,” Virgil hissed sullenly. He wasn’t sure what response he was expecting at this point to be perfectly honest. Perhaps some part of him still expected to eventually get a (sincere) apology if he kept complaining. He didn’t even get a half-assed apology this time. Logan just hummed and continued to drive.
“I did nothing wrong,” Remus insisted from the back. Virgil took a sullen sip of his coffee. His latest of a long string of jobs had been working at a Denny’s (the night shift, unfortunately). He’d been taking out the garbage in the morning right before heading home which was when he’d stumbled upon two idiots fighting in the parking lot. From what he’d decerned after the fact, Remus had managed to actually catch Logan for once a bit early, but Logan had managed to turn the tables. Now, Logan was driving Remus’s car to an unknown destination for the past few hours.
Of course, Virgil had the bad luck to witness the kidnapping and “had” to be dragged along.
“I still don’t know how you drink that shit black,” Remus groaned from the backseat as Virgil set down his coffee cup. Virgil flipped him off. “Seriously, you’d need 5 tablespoons of sugar and a quarter cup of milk to make that even close to palatable for me.”
“And whipped cream,” Logan contributed.
“Yeah!” Remus agreed. “And whipped cream! See, Logan gets it. Also, speaking of the delicious white gunk, another sip of my iced hot chocolate, please.”
“Why do you have to call it that?” Virgil grumbled even as he picked up the plastic cup and leaned into the backseat to let the handcuffed man take a drink. “I can’t believe I was dragged into this just to help Remus drink iced hot chocolate.”
“I can’t believe they can’t figure out a better name for the drink,” Logan said. “The name is an oxymoron.”
“Hey, are you calling me names?” Remus asked around the drink straw.
Logan frowned. “No,” he said, “the meaning of the word…”
“He’s screwing with you Logan,” Virgil cut him off, hoping that he wouldn’t have to listen to another etymology lecture. “He knows what it means.
“Ah,” Logan said. His eyes glanced to look at him in the rearview mirror. Remus was currently looking like more of an idiot than usual as he strained against the cuffs to lean forward and get his mouth around the offered drink straw. He seemed to bite back a smile before turning his attention back to the road.
Remus in a disgusting display finished about 1/3 of the sickeningly sweet drink before finally drawing away with a pop. Virgil shoved the drink back into the cup holder to drink his own beverage at a more sedate pace. After a few minutes of driving, Logan spoke up again.
“We are about to leave the city,” he said. “Virgil, climb into the backseat and blindfold Remus and then yourself.”
“Fuck you,” was Virgil’s immediate answer.
Logan’s fingers tapped the steering wheel impatiently. “If I have to stop this car to do it myself, I will be very displeased.”
“Oh, yeah?” Virgil’s mouth twisted up into a bitter sneer. “And what are you going to do then, Logan?” he challenged. “Hit me? Lock me in a dark room? Starve me?” It probably wasn’t the best idea to test the criminal that Virgil didn’t really know despite living with him for years. He did not know what he was capable of, but at the same time he was fucking tired of this. Part of him just wanted Logan to actually snap so Virgil could stop looking at him and seeing Logan: the man who had been his friend and confidant for years, the man Virgil still found himself missing late at night when he was home alone, and the man who was a lie. It would be better for his mental health if when he looked him in the eyes he could just see the person he really was instead of the memory of the man he’d…
Logan’s eyes flickered to him coldly, and Virgil braced himself for whatever was going to come out of his mouth. “If you do it, I’ll cook homemade chicken parmesan when we get to my cabin.”
“Alright,” Virgil said instantly. “Fuck it. I’m coming back there Remus.”
“Is that all it takes? Betrayal!”
“Remus, I fucking hate both of you. It’s not a betrayal because I was ever on your side.”
“He kidnapped you!”
“He also makes a mean chicken parmesan,” Virgil said. Gosh, he’d missed Logan’s food. He’d eaten way too much fast food since Logan had left. It was one safe thing to miss about the man.
Remus whined pitifully as Virgil blindfolded him with the scarf Logan indicated. “You’d better at least have booze at this cabin of yours,” Remus said.
“We’ll have Merlot with the chicken parmesan, of course,” Logan said. “I’m not an animal.”
“Yesss.” He seemed satisfied enough with this answer to settle back against the seat.
Virgil took the seat opposite him. “Do I really have to blindfold myself too?” Virgil asked with a sigh.
“Yes,” Logan replied sternly. “It is only for 30 minutes.”
Virgil groaned, but he did put the blindfold on, folding his arms over his chest grumpily once finished.
“Thank you, Virgil,” Logan said. “Your compliance is appreciated.”
Virgil hissed in reply and Logan chuckled lightly in response. Virgil went back to pouting.
He was left alone with his thoughts then without the ability to look at their surroundings. “I wonder if I’ve been fired from Denny’s yet,” he bemoaned after a few minutes. “I was supposed to be back an hour ago.”
“I do apologize for that,” Logan said, “I am willing to compensate you for your time and a little extra to hold over until you can find another paying job.”
Virgil scowled at the offer. “I don’t want your crime money,” he spat.
“I’ll only use the money I made through guest lectures and fixing computers if you’d prefer.”
“That’s not how money works and we both know it.” It also wasn’t the point. “You can’t just say you’re giving me your not-crime money when it’s all in the same account.”
“You didn’t mind me buying you coffee with my so called ‘crime money’,” he pointed out.
“…Well, that… that’s because I’ve been kidnapped! I get to benefit from crime money when I’ve been kidnapped. It cancels out.”
“Or because he’s using crime money to commit the other crime of kidnapping, it’s now double crime money,” Remus said.
“I can’t see why restitutions for my kidnapping you don’t fall under the same clause as the coffee,” Logan said.
“I concur,” Remus cheerfully proclaimed.
“Once again, I hate you both,” Virgil said.
Something poked Virgil in the side. He discerned it was Remus with his shoe and Virgil blindly slapped at his calf as hard as he could.
“Play nice,” Logan scolded.
“Or what?” Virgil asked. “If I strangle Remus, would you have to stop the car so I could try to run away?”
“Because running did you so much good earlier,” Remus muttered.
“You are not in a position to be mocking me,” Virgil said, reaching out and feeling for the handcuff chain. He jiggled it meaningfully.
“I also have chicken nuggets in my freezer,” Logan warned.
Virgil huffed and leaned against the door.
“Also put on your seatbelt, Virgil.”
“Yeah, Virgil,” Remus said. “We wouldn’t want Logan to get pulled over and have the officers realize he has an unrestrained passenger in the backseat.”
“I’m going to gag you next time Remus,” Logan informed him offhandedly.
“Sounds like a superb time.”
…
“Virgil,” Logan said pleasantly. “You have permission to slap him.”