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Sirens in the Dark

Summary:

Josh and a sleeping Donna are driving home from a weekend getaway, when two hours of Christmas music, mixed with alone time with his thoughts, is catalyzed by passing ambulance sirens into a sudden panic attack. He hasn't had one in years, but he still remembers what it's like, and thankfully Donna is there to hold his hand through it.

Notes:

Thank you so much to the amazing itickledthesleepingdragon for beta reading!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Quiet Christmas music fills the car as Josh drives down the dark interstate. He glances over at Donna peacefully asleep on the passenger side, then at the clock on the dash. They’d had a great weekend away, but now two hours into the drive back, with still two more to go, Josh is very ready to be home. Donna had chosen the radio station when they first got on the road, and while he was a bit tempted to change it to something more interesting like news, he is kind of enjoying the quiet time with his thoughts. He’s been able to come up with several good election strategy ideas just by giving his brain some time to think, something that was usually in very short supply.

All of a sudden, the quiet night is pierced by a growing wail. The mirrors reveal an ambulance rushing up on them in the other lane, lights spinning and sirens blaring at full volume. Before he knows it, it's zooming past him at an urgent speed. Then, it takes a turn up ahead and leaves his sight.

It came up so quickly that he didn't even have time to pull over, but as the lights fade into the distance ahead, the sirens continue. Fainter now, but even after long enough that he shouldn’t possibly be able to make them out anymore, the shrill tones remain just at the edge of his hearing. Donna stirs, and he tries to calm his breathing and rationalize his way out of this: He’s not in any danger. He’s safe. He’s with Donna. He’s not actually hearing sirens anymore. Josh shuts the radio off, but the sirens stay. Just at the edge, barely there, but impossible to ignore, and no amount of telling himself they aren’t real is making them stop.

Donna finally stretches back into an upright position, woken maybe by the radio turning off, or his fidgeting, or, honestly more likely, by his emotional state and how well she’s tuned to him. She quickly takes in his white knuckles on the steering wheel, tense shoulders, and harsh breathing. Placing a hand on his arm, she tries to figure out what’s wrong, but he barely seems to notice. Just as she’s about to say something, he glances over at her and asks, “Hey, could you take over driving for a bit?” As soon as she agrees, he hits the emergency blinkers and starts to pull the car over right there on the side of the road.

They stop on the shoulder, but he just sits there, staring ahead. Donna tries to wait patiently for him to move, or speak, or do anything, but eventually she breaks the silence and prompts him.

“Josh, what’s wrong?”

He looks at her finally and then takes her hand, but doesn’t say anything yet as he continues what she recognizes as his breathing exercises. He hasn’t had an episode like this in years. She’s worried about him, but he does seem to be calming down, so she just holds his hand tightly to ground him and waits until he’s ready. Eventually, he squeezes back and offers her a small smile.

“Sorry about that. I haven’t been able to get the sirens out of my head since the ambulance tore by.”

“Wait, what ambulance?”

He stares at her for a second, “You know, just a few minutes ago, blaring loud, right beside us, flashing lights? You cannot tell me you totally slept through that.”

She just shrugs. He’s been teasing her about her ability to sleep almost anywhere and through almost anything since way back to President Bartlet’s first campaign.

“Sleeping beauty,” he mumbles with his usual affectionate eye roll.

“Well, since my prince must have gone to some extraordinary lengths to rouse me if I’m awake now (after all, nothing short of dark magic could possibly wake me otherwise) why don’t you get out and switch seats with me, so we can get back on the road?” She wants to get him to change seats before he changes his mind and starts insisting that he's fine.

“I don’t know, Donna, are you sure you’re safe to drive under the influence of dark magic? It’s probably like those medication commercials: ‘do not operate heavy machinery while using.’”

“You tell me. Didn’t you read the fine print before casting the spell, Prince Charming?”

“So you finally admit I’m charming after all these years?”

“As charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch. Now get out.” She releases his hand finally and gives his forearm a light push as she unbuckles her own seatbelt. Once they’re both back in the car, she looks over at him to check in. He looks a little better than he had, but still a bit tense and uncomfortable. They’ve been here before, though, and she knows that it will just take time, so as long as he seems to be headed in the right direction, she doesn’t need to worry. Well, not too much.

“Are you okay to get going again?

“Yeah,” he smiles, “thanks for taking over.”

“Happy to. Thanks for asking for help when you needed it.” She gives him an approving look. “Is there anything else I can do right now?”

“Could you just talk for a while? It distracts me from the distant sirens in my head.”

“Sure thing,” she grins at him. “I’ve been meaning to tell you about this book I just finished on national parks. President Bartlet recommended it to me.”

“Donna!” Josh whines, but mostly just for show. He doesn’t really care at the moment what she talks about, so long as he can hear her voice around him.

They smirk at each other in the rearview mirror, and then Donna pulls the car back onto the road as she starts in on the many fascinating sights available in the country’s fifty-five national parks. Josh curls up in his seat, then reaches across and pulls Donna’s hand over to hold, as he leans his head back and lets her voice cocoon him like a calming blanket. By the fifth argument about the meaning of the word “interesting,” the sound of sirens has faded completely.

Notes:

This is based loosely on a true story that happened to me (with different triggers than Josh) when driving home from college a few years ago. I thought it would make a good plot for a Josh and Donna story with Donna being comforting and supporting.

Also, I like the idea of a future Josh who has coping mechanisms, understands his anxieties, and knows how to deal with them, but still appreciates having Donna just being there for support. They know the other is feeling alright when they can tease each other.

Hope you enjoyed!