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Japan was in chaos.
The curses were creating a havoc. Right and left, front and back, there would be at least three curses lurking. The lowest would be Grade III, while the highest would be none other than Grade I. Slithering, growling, and seeking for humans to devour.
Death was everywhere like grasses that grew unwanted from the ground.
This was no longer a suitable land to live. This was no longer a place to be able to enjoy everyday life with laughs and frolics, to be able to grasp each other's hand to dart through the darkness of the night, for curses were best found amidst of abyss. Those days were gone, they couldn't be returned.
Despite that grim thinking, Chousou wanted to believe the otherwise.
He wanted those days where he and his brothers could play together.
He wanted those days where he and his brothers could have lunch together.
He wanted those days where he and his brothers could take a peaceful walk together.
He wanted those days where he and his brothers could talk and laugh and be happy.
He wanted those days where he and his brothers felt like they were the only ones left in this world.
Not owning the world, but just simply standing on it together without anyone else.
But his brothers went away before Chousou. They were no longer here. They were dead and to never return to his embrace. Chousou would never hear them calling him "nii-chan" anymore. He was alone, broken, and incomplete without his brothers. His face was blank and worn out as ever, while inwardly he was grieving, seething with sadness and rage all the same to the one who took his brothers' lives.
Then he fought Itadori Yuuji, the murderer of his brothers, and it was as simple as that. The loutish feelings in him dripped away like blood that poured out his body. Itadori Yuuji turned out to be his lost brother, and Chousou (muddled but not insane just yet) was determined to protect his only little brother left. Eso and Kechizu must wish for the same, for Chousou to ensure their brother's safety. As the eldest, it had been Chousou's duty since beginning.
The realization was akin to a fleeting breeze of new spring. Too fast, memories entering his head in blur of moments as Chousou fainted. He was never sure of what happened, why Yuuji left them and didn't remember having Chousou, Eso, and Kechizu as his brothers, but it was fine (was it really, though?). It was a possibility that Kamo Noritoshi toyed with his little brother's mind to make him forget about his brothers.
How cruel, how heartless of him.
Chousou could never forgive Kamo who separated Yuuji away from them. Who made Yuuji fight Eso and Kechizu without knowing who they really were and kill them.
Chousou's heart throbbed painfully in his ribcage every time he thought about his late little brothers. Was it painful for them too to fight Yuuji? To fight their own brother, their own blood? How did they suppress and ignore the brash feeling of fighting their own brother with intentions to kill? Yuuji told him that Eso cried at Kechizu's death, and Chousou wanted to cry as well.
But unfortunately, a battlefield wasn't a perfect place to mourn. No matter how hard, how stinging the wish was, Chousou should never break down in midst of a fight.
When the said fight ended, though, it was a whole different story.
Chousou was allowed to cry. He was allowed to have his tears stream down his face. He was allowed to have his chest heaving under the weight of his emotions. It was funny how tough, how strong he acted earlier when he fought, only to be ruined by mere memories he didn't know he ever had. Memories he wasn't sure really existed or not.
(To Chousou, it wasn't just memories. It was his motivation, his fuel of life. His brothers were his only anchor he needed to keep going and living)
But Chousou had accepted them. He willed to call those memories as his own, and so he would help Yuuji to find Prison Realm and free his teacher from there. As the eldest brother, it was at least he could do. After hurting Yuuji so severely, maybe by assisting him in his search would make him forgive Chousou. He didn't possibly want his little brother to hate him, after all.
Chousou heard the way Yuuji cried out-- No, he thought "cried out" wasn't the exact phrase to describe the disbelief, the fear and absolute pain in Yuuji's voice was when Kamo took Prison Realm away. If Yuuji was given the chance, he might tear his throat apart just to scream and echo his teacher's name. And it hurt Chousou too.
It hurt hearing his little brother so desperate.
Was this Gojou Satoru really that important for Yuuji? If it was the case, then alright. Chousou would do anything in his might and will to help his little brother to find him. He saw nothing but anguish and wrath on Yuuji's face that time, but Chousou knew it was fragile. Only a second shy from shattering into pieces. The harsh expression didn't suit Yuuji's youthful, delicate features. If anything, Chousou only wanted to see his smile.
(It didn't matter if Chousou couldn't smile. Yuuji's smile was enough for him)
"Are you sure you want to come along, Chousou-san?" Yuuji asked after he bid his farewell to his dear friends, in secret but not silently. Chousou caught reluctance in his tone, along with something akin to fear.
"I'm sure. As your eldest brother, it's my duty to look out for you." Chousou would never get tired to remind Yuuji that. For if truth was the thing Yuuji forgot, then Chousou wanted him to remember.
Yuuji bristled. "Didn't I tell you that I'm not your brother?" His eyebrows knitted on his forehead, but at least his eyes (they were like honey. So sweet and soft) weren't as wary as before. "But okay then if you say so. We're not enemies anymore, right?"
"Of course not. I'm your brother."
"... Alright, alright..."
And so, Yuuji left with Chousou on his side. Chousou would never cross his words. If he said he would look out for his little brother, then it shall be it even if it costed his own life.
(There was no life if he lost his brothers. His only family in this egregious world)
Despite he said he would look out for Yuuji, Chousou was unfamiliar with modern world. The buildings were made with concrete instead of woods. The ground was asphalt instead of soil. The sky was dark and dim instead of bright and starry. Japan had changed very drastically, he could no longer recognize the land he and his brothers once lived on. How many years had passed...?
Yuuji reassured him that he understood the layout of this area and would guide them in this search. Although ashamed that his little brother had to take risk instead of Chousou, he couldn't do anything but relent. As both of them darted through desolate roads and collapsed buildings, Chousou kept his eyes sharp for any curses nearby.
If one of them dared to touch a hair on Yuuji, he wouldn't hesitate to tear its body apart.
He knew his little brother could defend himself just fine. His physical strength was really something to behold, not to mention he mastered Divergent Fist that was rumoured to be so complicated, but Chousou couldn't stop himself. Whenever he saw even just a glimpse of a curse inching towards Yuuji, his Blood Manipulation Technique worked in a blink of an eye to obliterate it.
It was almost in an autopilot manner. An instinct that told him to protect Yuuji at all costs. Anytime, anywhere.
Yuuji never seemed to mind it. If only, he nodded in gratitude to Chousou and strode forward with renew confidence. It brought a tinge of joy in Chousou's chest. A feeling so trivial, yet it resonated in his whole soul.
Look, my brothers. I make Yuuji feel safe. He's no longer bothered by my presence. He starts to accept me.
They traveled only at day, where sun would provide them with a sense of security with its blinding glow. It was something they eventually agreed on. Though at their second day, Yuuji insisted to keep going after the sun set. Chousou frowned at the declaration.
"No, we should rest. It's unwise to keep going when curses are more active in night." Chousou reasoned, hoping his words would reach his little brother's thick head.
"But we could go further if we kept going!" Yuuji stomped his heel to the pavement of the grubby road, fists clenching on his sides in a manner that reminded Chousou of that one time when Kechizu refused to eat his vegetables. His little brother was such a picky eater. "That way we could find Prison Realm faster! The faster we find it, the faster too we could free Gojou-sensei!"
"Yuuji, don't force yourself. You're tired. You need to rest." Chousou clasped his hands on Yuuji's shoulders, and his chest throbbed at the jump Yuuji gave. "Let's find an empty building to spend the night." Curious, his fingers dipped into Yuuji's gakuran, and it caused him to jerk in surprise, slipping away from Chousou immediately.
"Chousou-san? That kind of hurts..." Yuuji murmured as he rubbed his shoulder blade.
Chousou's lips parted in realization, and he apologized. "Sorry. Your muscles are too taut as I feared. You've been on your guard this whole day. I'm not saying you should drop it, but it'll harm you if you keep it up. Please rest, Yuuji. It's for your own good."
Because Chousou didn't want his little brother to lift this burden constantly.
"I..." Yuuji bit his lower lip, it trembled like the fist that he placed over his chest. "... Okay. I'll take a rest. Let's go, Chousou-san." His steps swayed with movements not quite focused as he walked, and Chousou huffed inwardly. His little brother was indeed stubborn.
They found a rather safe, quiet building with a lot of desks and square-shaped tools that had glass screens on every floor. Yuuji stepped into a room where there was three plush chair for them to sit. The biggest and the most comfortable looking one was behind the desk, and Chousou insisted Yuuji to use it to sleep. Yuuji denied at first, saying Chousou could have it instead.
"No, you should use it, Yuuji. You need it more than I do."
"But, Chousou-san, we both need it! You should take it!"
"There's no way the eldest would let his brother sleep on a smaller chair."
"I'm not-- Fine! We'll decide with rock, paper, scissors! Whoever won would take that chair behind the desk! Understood?"
Chousou grinned internally. He won this game more than he could count back then. Kechizu's line of thought was easy to decipher, and whilst Eso was a better thinker, Chousou managed to beat him more often. He could purposely lose so Yuuji would have to sleep on the chair. Simple.
Yuuji shrieked in defeat as he, as Chousou had planned, won successively after three rounds of rock, paper, scissors.
"Chousou-san! You must be cheating!" Yuuji whined, his hand flailing around.
Chousou huffed, amused and frazzled at the same time. "Why would you think I cheat? How could you cheat in this game, anyway?"
"You're a better fighter than me! Your Jujutsu Technique is fast as hell! It won't be difficult for you to change your hand right after I showed you mine!"
"You have a point, but no. I didn't cheat."
Chousou then put both hands on Yuuji's shoulders and pushed him down to the betted chair, his little brother's eyes widening at the gesture. "Now get some sleep. I'll patrol the area tonight. Sleep as much as you need. We'll continue after dawn, okay?"
Ruffling Yuuji's strawberry locks without having a response from him first, Chousou bloomed a fond smile. "Good night, Yuuji."
Yuuji's honey-coloured eyes gleamed even under the dim light on evening. He looked at Chousou with a mix of incredulity and confusion. It was a glint Chousou couldn't interpret, like a jumbled collection of Kanjis on an old parchment that had faded by time. The meaning had always been there, but Chousou just couldn't read it. Yuuji opened his mouth, but he closed it just as fastly.
After a moment of hesitation, it seemed Yuuji had found his voice again, and it was as soft as a butterfly wing. "Good night, Chousou-san. Please be careful." Yuuji whispered as his head rolled into his shoulder sluggishly, eyelids fluttering shut.
It didn't take long for him to snore, mouth opening wide as a single line of saliva ran down his chin. Chousou chuckled lightly behind his fist, opting to wipe the drool away and closing his little brother's mouth shut. Giving Yuuji's spiny locks one more ruffle, Chousou then left to ensure his safety.
And the sight of Yuuji's definitely fresher facade in the morning brought a great pride to Chousou's chest.
So.
If Chousou wasn't miscounted, he hadn't slept for a week.
Or maybe more, he wasn't sure.
Every time they had to rest, Chousou would insist Yuuji to sleep first before him, while in reality he never slept because he had to look out for curses in the nearby area, to see if there was a curse or two that wanted to hurt his little brother. And Chousou would erase them silently in order to not reave Yuuji from his slumber. Chousou's eye bags had always been there, so it never mattered if they deepened just a tad.
(It wasn't just a tad)
"Chousou-san, how many fingers that I lift?" Yuuji asked him after he came out from a public toilet. He rose his hand, and Chousou narrowed his heavy eyes.
"Three." Chousou answered dully.
Yuuji frowned, and his hand fell limp to his side. "I only lifted my forefinger... You look terribly awful, Chousou-san. I didn't mean to offend you, but it's true! How many hours did you slept last night?"
"Five." Chousou lied smoothly, but it seemed his little brother didn't buy it.
"Please don't lie to me. I know the difference of truths and lies." Yuuji walked up to him, hesitant fingers ghosting over Chousou's face. "Your eye bags are so dark, and I dislike it. Don't tell me to rest if you didn't do it yourself. Don't priotize me above everything. Your health is important, too."
Chousou gulped. "But I have to keep you safe. If I slept, curses might have their way with you, and I can't let that happen."
Yuuji breathed a sigh. "Don't make it hard for both of us. Come here." He curled his fingers around Chousou's wrist, his massive strength starting to drag him from the area they were in. "It's almost evening, so you should rest. I'll patrol tonight."
Chousou's eyes widened. "Yuuji--"
"Nope, nope, nope! Don't argue with me now, Chousou-san." Yuuji pursued his lips stubbornly. "You're going to rest, you can leave tonight's patrolling to me." He tried to grin, and Chousou's chest tightened so much that it hurt. "Trust me this one time, okay?"
Chousou had always been a weak man for his family, he knew this for a fact.
"I understand..."
"Thank you, I'm glad you do."
Though when Chousou woke up the next day and was greeted with the sight of Yuuji rolling bandages to his arm, he bolted up from his seat and hovered his hands above his little brother to check for other injuries. Yuuji jumped in surprise at his appearance, but he brushed it off easily.
"Calm down, Chousou-san. This is nothing for me. I've got worse from my friends and Gojou-sensei." Yuuji laughed, composed and not an ounce of pain lacing his tone. Chousou wiped the sweat that had pooled on his forehead, breath stabilizing.
"Please be careful next time, Yuuji. You could always wake me up if the cursed were too hard for you to handle."
"Didn't I tell you to trust me, Chousou-san? This is a good training for me, otherwise my skills might get dull if I left all the exorcising to you. I've trusted you to come along with me in this search, so please trust me too."
Chousou always had, but it was just so heavy for him if he were to leave these matters onto his little brother's hand. He had gone through so much, Chousou wanted nothing but to ease his burdens.
"Still, you always have me to help you. Remember that, Yuuji."
"I will. Now, let's continue."
They settled on a patrolling schedule since then, taking turns of whom would sleep that night and whom would patrol.
Tonight was Chousou's turn to patrol. They found the most comfortable place to rest that night, which was a hotel, and Yuuji wasted no time to take a room on the first floor and slam his weight onto the bed. Chousou chuckled fondly at his childish antics, he could even overlook the scar tearing his little brother's face.
"Sweet dreams, Yuuji."
"Be careful, Chousou-san."
"I will." Chousou waved his hand before he closed the door behind him.
Chousou never stayed too long when he exorcised curses. Not to mention tonight was reposeful and tranquil, Chousou only found twelve curses after three hours. It was unusual, a bit suspicious too, but Chousou was willing to relish this little break. He went back into the hotel at one in the morning according to his calculation, and was prepared to watch Yuuji over his sleep to spend the rest of his night with.
Chousou wasn't prepared for the soft whimpers and sniffles that his ears caught from the other side of the door.
Aghast, Chousou practically slammed the door open, and it jolted Yuuji awake from his slumber. He sat up, wrists rubbing his face as the moonlight gave hints to what had happened to him. The telltale sign of tears began to break in his eyes, his lips trembled as he gnawed at them, and the way his body shook were all an alarm to Chousou. He climbed onto the bed, taking Yuuji's damp cheeks into his palms.
"What did Sukuna do to you in your dreams, Yuuji?" Chousou asked carefully, voice gentle with a sharp edge in his tone. If it was really Sukuna, then Chousou hoped he could enter his realm and give him a lesson for messing with his little brother's mind.
(Yuuji was weighed down too much, Yuuji had to endure a lot of physical and mental pain at once. Even Chousou scarcely saw his smile, and it frightened him.
What if Yuuji was unable to smile again as more days passed? They gained so little clue for the location of Gojou Satoru, what if this search turned out to be fruitless?
Though, it wasn't like Chousou would let that happen. For Yuuji's happiness, he would willingly go to hell back and forth)
"It wasn't him..." Yuuji shook his head, and his hand tapped repeatedly on Chousou's arm. "Please release my face, Chousou-san..." He pleaded, voice wavering and eyes watering. Chousou's hands fell limp immediately, and his heart thundered so strong in his chest, mirroring his little brother's distress.
"... Leave me alone for tonight. I'm sorry, but I just..." Yuuji circled his arms around himself, preventing a total scattering of heart. As a good eldest brother he always was, Chousou knew he had to give his little brother some time to compose his thoughts, but it pained him to leave Yuuji in such a state. This moment was supposed to be where Chousou would comfort Yuuji through his esoteric turmoil, but he couldn't disrespect his little brother's request like that.
And so Chousou complied, opting to enter the room next to Yuuji's and vigilantly listening to him from the not so thick wall.
Most of it was incomprehensible murmurs, frail and feckless. Yuuji echoed two particular names that Chousou recognized as those of his friends that he left behind. He heard Yuuji apologizing to them, hoping to see them again, wishing them to forgive them, and wailing to the moon and stars to be able to play again with them.
Chousou balled the cloth over his chest in his fist, face casting down to his lap.
His little brother had started to crumble.
Maybe a month had passed since they departed, Chousou was never too sure about time anymore. Time was fast, yet sometimes it could be so slow that it was torturing. Time took everything away without looking back or considering the effect of its actions. Time scarred and healed just the same, time lived and killed everything.
Time had showed Chousou that his little brother was getting more unstable. The nightmares regarding his friends had become an occurrence, almost diurnal and it enraged Chousou. He wanted to stop them, he wanted to relieve Yuuji's fears and desperation, he wanted to tell Yuuji that he wasn't alone because he had Chousou, and he wanted Yuuji to be sincere.
(Every quirk of his lips that was supposed to be joyful and truthful had no longer held Yuuji's true feelings. He could laugh, he could giggle, he could grin, and he could smile, but it was never from his heart.
It was hurt to behold)
And more often than not, Sukuna came out and deterred his little brother's already meek determination. His voice was gruff and mocking, his words were venom and dirt, and Yuuji never addressed him despite the jeers he threw. Chousou knew well that Yuuji took Sukuna's words seriously because he spoke none other than bitter truths.
It's your fault, brat.
Your sole presence lead to this whole mess.
Your friends are beyond salvation.
Your beloved teacher too, you could never free him without igniting more wrath.
Just because you have that guy accompanying you now, doesn't mean you're safe. You are never safe.
(Oh, how Chousou wished he could just slap Sukuna off Yuuji's cheek. But he couldn't do that without hurting his little brother)
"Yuuji, sleep close to me tonight." Chousou offered when they came across a small inn at the skirts of their current area. As Yuuji was inspecting the building, Chousou investigated the area nearby and found out that no curses were on sight. He didn't feel their revolting aura either, and if they were to suddenly show up, Chousou could finish them just fine in his sleep.
He was never a heavy sleeper after all, and he willed to sacrifice his sleep to comfort Yuuji properly this time.
Yuuji jumped, and his hands flailed to the sides. "Um, no, thanks... I'm fine, Chousou-san..." He declined nervously, and it just strengthened Chousou's will even more.
"Yuuji, I want nothing but your happiness. To see you get pained by your nightmares hurt me as well. As your brother, it's my job to make sure you're well and happy. I couldn't bear seeing you cry anymore." Chousou explained, sincerely in hopes he could falter his little brother's resolve.
"I'm already happy to hear you care so much about me, Chousou-san, but they're my nightmares." Yuuji placed a hand over his chest, breathing out slowly. "If I couldn't handle them, then it means I've lost to Sukuna. I don't want to surrender to him anymore. I want to be strong by myself."
But still, Chousou insisted they slept in the same room, and that was how Chousou ended drifting off to the dreamworld while sitting against the thin wooden wall as Yuuji was tucked neatly under the futon. Chousou hoped he could slid in under it as well just like old times, where Kechizu liked to snuggle close to Eso and it made both of them to invade Chousou's futon in the end. They slept in each other's arms often, and waking up in the morning with Eso's bulky arm on his chest and Kechizu's tiny palm on his abdomen was a natural sight for Chousou.
Chousou noted that Yuuji was usually awake from his slumber with series of choked sobs and silent whimpers. He was never loud even if it was enough to stir Chousou from unconsciousness. Yuuji would clasp his mouth shut with both palms, letting his tears run down his cheeks before he allowed his body to fall back to the mattress. Chousou always watched him in silence, for he knew it could worsen Yuuji if he were to solace him, no matter how hard he wished to do so.
But tonight, Yuuji was awake with a scream ripping his throat, bellowing one name that was the lone reason of their journey.
"Gojou-sensei!!" Yuuji wailed, springing to a sit as his hand extended forth, clawing for empty air that froze and numbed his fingers. "Gojou-...sensei..." Yuuji hiccupped, tears feral and unceasing, and he dug the heels of his hands to his eyes. He cried and cried, regrets and sorrows no longer distinguishable, and gently, Chousou circled his arms around Yuuji's hunched figure.
(He couldn't take anymore of Yuuji's agony and do nothing about it)
"Ch- Chousou-san..."
"Ssshh, just let it all out, Yuuji. Nii-chan is here for you. You're not alone."
Yuuji's hands found purchase on Chousou's back, fisting the cloth into his palms with a strength so great it could tear not just his attire, but also a normal human's skin apart. Not that he cared about that, his little brother was the only thing Chousou put his attention on right now. Yuuji's forehead was bumped against Chousou's chest as his body was enveloped in Chousou's embrace, his lips quivering to let the sobs out. Like this, maybe he could pour all of his emotions.
And Yuuji did just that.
He bawled in Chousou's chest, tears and snivels mixing and dripping down his face, but Chousou dismissed them off and opted to stroke Yuuji's hair softly. He cooed and whispered sweet nothings, the way he used to do when Kechizu feared the possibility of him not being Chousou's and Eso's brother just because of his distinctive appearance. In this case, Yuuji feared the possibility of failure and death of Gojou Satoru, his beloved teacher, and Chousou allowed him to be vulnerable and broken this one time.
Yuuji cried himself to sleep, and as he finally ran out of energy to weep his heart out, Chousou lowered him gently as if he was made of glass, of jewelry that could shatter by the lightest of touch. He lied down next to Yuuji, cradling his head close to his shoulder. He wiped the remnant of tears from his face, wishing another burden had been lifted by the outburst of his feelings.
A little hesitant but not feigned, Chousou kissed Yuuji's crown of spiny strawberry locks, and he murmured one last sentence before his eyelids fluttered shut.
"Nii-chan would always be with you, Yuuji, so don't you cry anymore."