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Sunny laid tired in his seat, staring out the window. He counted each passing streetlight as they flew past: each fluorescent glow giving way to the stillness of the night sky.
He always loved the night, and it seemed nicer when he rode along with Mari. Ever since Mari got her driver’s license, she’d occasionally get him to tag along with her on grocery runs or to pick up takeout food from the restaurant down the highway from Faraway. The evening air had a distinct crispness to it that Sunny enjoyed. The cool breeze always went through his hair, fluttering it around like a wild brush.
And if anything, Sunny loved spending time with Mari however he could. Riding along with her felt warm on the inside. There was a comfort shared between them in the second-hand subcompact their parents had gotten her as a daily driver. Even as the seats sagged a little from wear and the air conditioning chose its own schedule on which to work, the car rides always felt cosy to him.
Tonight was different. They were on their way back from the recital. Sunny and Mari had both practiced intensely for the month leading up to it, hoping to impress their friends and make them proud. When the day finally came, they played melodiously, every beat and note in sync with each other. When they ended, their friends were awe-struck. Aubrey and Basil were tearing up in the audience, while Hero stood up and clapped for the two of them. After all was said and done, they left the music hall to return to Faraway on their own accord.
The drive home felt like a welcome comedown from the crescendo of the weeks leading up to it, the intensity and furore having unfurled into a beautiful orchid in their duet. And so, they started driving home, the radio softly humming piano pop. Sunny turned his attention to the stars above.
They felt eternal, unmoving. Yet, he knew everything in life had to change. After this, Mari and Hero were due to go to college. Mari had already prepared her early action forms: he’d seen the entrance essays and papers on her desk in their bedroom. Judging from her grades and effort, she’d probably be starting sometime in the spring, wherever she wanted to. Even before this, Sunny started seeing Mari less and less. She was always busy with prep classes or practicing for the recital. They’d only see each other before going to bed or at the dinner table. It felt like they were satellites and Mari was pulling away, onwards and forwards, into space as Sunny stayed in place.
Sunny tried his best not to let it affect him, but the idea of Mari leaving him filled him with a specific kind of dread each time: like staring down a dark staircase in the night time, without a light or a guiding hand with him; being without one of his lifelong lights made him feel disoriented. Confused. Lost. Scared.
He tried to rebuff his thoughts and redirected his attention to the stars. He counted them, identifying the constellations and lodestars. Big Dipper, Polaris, Andromeda, Perseu-
“Counting your lucky stars after the recital, huh?” Mari chuckled. Even without looking away from the road, she always kept an eye on her little brother. “I’m so glad everything worked out. You did great!”
Sunny cracked a small smile. “Yeah,” his voice trailed off. He continued looking at the sky above.
They drove on a few more minutes before Mari spoke again, the hushed radio fading back in to cover the silence. “Hey Sunny, has something been bothering you lately?” Mari’s voice was tinged with worry, even as she tried to put on a cheerful front. “You seem a bit… Quieter than usual.”
Sunny paused. He considered making up a white lie. He didn’t want to be a bother to her. He knew that everything happening now was just a part of life: Mari was moving on to her own bigger and better things. He didn’t feel like he should’ve dampened her spirits by bringing up his concerns and wants. But even so, he felt like he owed his sister the truth and nothing less than the whole truth. Mari had always been an open, honest presence to him; for once, I should be more like her. He rolled the words around in his head for a while before deciding on what to say.
“You’ve… been so busy lately, I feel like I’m losing you.” Sunny spoke softly, trying not to come across as worried or feeble, yet failing to do so entirely. He continued looking out the window.
“Oh…” Mari sighed, sadness seeping into her voice. She slowed the car down. “I’m sorry, Sunny. It’s just been a bit of a whirlwind, the last few months.” They were almost back in town at this point, sliding down the off-ramp to Faraway. The bright white lights of the highway gave way to the warm incandescent glow of the suburbs’ streetlamps. Sunny leaned against the door, gazing out the window as the yellow light filtered into the car.
“I know I haven’t been there for you that much lately, and I’m sorry about that. The prep classes have really taken a lot of my time.” Both Sunny and Mari knew that they could count the number of times they interacted outside of practice in the last few weeks on one hand. Mari barely met up with the group as much either, most of her time spent practicing by herself or revising while Sunny went out.
“What’s going to happen when you go off to college?” His voice cracked on the last part of the sentence. He cursed himself for making his fear apparent. Sunny turned to Mari, knowing any semblance of ambivalence he had left evaporated into the night air.
“Well…” Mari took her time to mull over the words in her head as she navigated the streets of Faraway. “I can’t say that I’ll always be here. I’ll probably be on campus except for summer and winter break. But whenever I get a chance to, I’ll try to come back.” Mari smiled as she finished.
Sunny didn’t say anything. He didn’t know how to adequately sum up his worries in a good, mature way. He leaned against Mari’s shoulder.
“I just miss having you around, like last time.” Those words were all that Sunny could muster. He was weary from the week prior, full of hours of practice, tired from the recital and the celebration after it. He couldn’t feel bothered to put on a strong front for his sister anymore. He felt her absence always, whether it was the empty chair in the dining room at lunch, the strewn pens over the desk in their bedroom, or the way that conversations with the others seemed to flow a lot less freely than when she was there.
“We all miss you, Mari.”
Mari pulled up into their driveway. She set the handbrake up and parked the car. As soon as she was done, she wrapped her arms around Sunny. Sunny was surprised by her sudden embrace. He could feel her warmth against him, as welcoming as it used to be. Mari rested her head against Sunny’s.
“I’m so sorry, Sunny. I know you guys really miss me a lot.” Mari breathed deeply, her throat hitching slightly. “I’ll try to be there for you as much as I can, while I still can. Don’t worry too much, alright? Everything is going to be okay.” Mari waited for Sunny to let go before letting go.
They both looked at each other. Both their eyes were ever so slightly red from holding back tears. Mari ruffled Sunny’s hair lovingly.
“You know, I don’t have prep classes tomorrow; what do you say we and the others go for a picnic by the lake?” Mari shot him one of her classic, reassuring smiles.
Sunny smiled and nodded. “That sounds good.”