Chapter Text
Realization did not come to Perona suddenly, but it wasn’t subtle either. It hit her as if someone had smashed her head and her heart with an old metal pipe and then repeated the process over, and over, and over again. Many things had to happen for her to notice that those bothersome feelings she’d been having recently were not a figment of her affection-starved imagination. Maybe they’d been at first, but after months of being unable to admit it, Perona began to notice it wasn’t just a crazy idea going around in her head.
Sweaty palms, strange stutters when talked to, twirling her hair unconsciously, dreaming of him every now and then, and imagining how it would feel to have those lips all over her… no, it wasn’t just her imagination. It took some time, but she eventually had to admit she had a big, fat, embarrassing crush on a man almost two decades older than her.
At times, the Ghost Princess wondered why she hadn’t fallen for the younger swordsman. Zoro wasn’t a bad man, and he was actually kind of good looking, if she was being honest with herself. Even if he was a few years younger and just as immature as her, Zoro wasn’t such a bad catch. At least her chances of her feelings to be mutual wouldn’t be so dim… no, she had to go and fall for the most obnoxious, boring and stone-faced old man in the entire world. But… he was also the most handsome, elegant and aesthetically pleasing man she’d ever seen. And no matter how much Mihawk and Zoro were similar to one another, Zoro couldn’t compare to him.
Her former captain and adoptive father would have never approved of such feelings. Moria had never been kind to Perona’s romantic interests, turning them into shadow puppets as soon as she showed a bit of concern for the washed up pirates and sailors that landed on the Florian Triangle. There weren’t many of them to begin with, and none had actually been very attractive, but she couldn’t help but look at them from time to time. Perona loved Master Moria’s protectiveness, but at times she also loathed it. And now, almost two years after parting ways with him, she resented him for it. Now that she was free and allowed to feel… well, Perona had no idea what to do next.
When she landed on Kuraigana Island months ago and met Mihawk after he came back from battle, she believed him to be the most annoying, rude, yawn-inducing person she’d ever met, not to mention the least cute man she’d ever seen. She hated him, and she hated Roronoa too, who was just as rude and brutish as his new mentor. But as time went by and a few seasons came and went, she realized she had been quick to judge them.
Zoro had been a surprise. Behind his rude demeanor, he was actually a really kind, always lost boy. He was loyal to a fault and actually really funny. Perona liked to hear him talk about his crewmates and their adventure so far. When his eyes shone with excitement as he remembered everything they’d gone through, he even looked kinda cute.
After some months of bantering non-stop, one evening he opened up and began to make small chat with her. As days went by, Zoro and Perona always sat down at the dinner table while Mihawk cooked and they talked until the food was ready. In no time, Perona knew everything about that really cute blue-nosed reindeer, and about that annoying pervy cook that pissed Zoro off so much. She believed she might have judged that long-nosed boy quite harshly and she hoped he became braver when he and Zoro met again. For a while, she wished she could make friends with both girls in their crew… but Perona could only dream. She knew her days as a pirate were most likely over and she would not be willing to risk her neck for the Straw Hat Pirates.
Perona grew quite attached to Zoro thanks to those little moments. She always cared for his wounds after his training sessions with Mihawk were over, because the warlord had little to no consideration for his apprentice’s wellbeing as long as he didn’t die. When the young swordsman was allowed to drink again, they would sneak a bottle out of Mihawk’s cellar and talk drunkenly for hours until one of them fell asleep. And when either of them grew lonely, the other was always there for company; even if it was quite intimate, they usually took naps together in either of the bedrooms, and it was a very peaceful time in which they’d not argue or banter. They’d just lay there, soothing each other to sleep.
But for all that Perona loved and trusted Zoro, she could not feel a single bit of physical or romantic attraction for him. He was like the little brother she’d never asked for, her new-found family. She’d found in Zoro what she had never found in Thriller Bark: a true friend who’d be there for her, no matter if she had strong powers or kept the island safe from strangers.
Mihawk, on the other hand… Mihawk was something else entirely. It took quite some time for her to break through him, but eventually even the warlord began opening up to her, though reluctantly at first. He wasn’t a nice man, Perona knew that for sure even after all that time. Beyond the first impression he’d left her, Mihawk wasn’t very pleasant to be around. He always made clear to tell her she wasn’t welcome and that if she wanted to stay, she’d have to earn her keep while living with him. But as months went by, she noticed one thing they had in common, and she couldn’t shake the feeling it was something special they shared: They were both very mean, but they both cared.
Zoro was very different from them. He wasn’t refined or good-mannered, but he wasn’t mean. Zoro was never cruel, though perhaps a bit insensitive from time to time. Mihawk, however, acted with such malice at all times Perona even wondered if he got some sort of rush out of it. She could see it while they trained, always putting Zoro on edge and taunting him, always leaving him badly wounded and battered. But after their session was done and while Perona cared for his wounds, she could see the worry in Mihawk’s eyes. He never apologized, though, not once.
With her it was just the same, though no violence was ever involved. They bickered and screamed at each other all the time, and Mihawk made sure to let her know how much she annoyed him, but the swordsman always cared for her well-being even more than Moria and the others from her crew ever did.
He always made sure she ate three meals a day, that she never took way too many naps, and cared for her whenever she got sick. He had even begun to teach her some self defense tricks after a particularly nasty incident during a shopping trip. He'd not do any of that if he didn't care.
Perona wondered if her crush on him would eventually fade away. She thought that, perhaps, if she ignored her feelings long enough, she would stop feeling them altogether. But then again, it could be that they just got stronger form neglect and that she could actually fall in l--
No! I won’t let that happen!, she scolded herself, blushing and looking away from where the warlord was preparing dinner for the three of them. It’s just a crush, a stupid, stupid crush!
“You look pale…” Zoro said, shaking a hand in front of her to catch her attention. They had been playing cards for a while, but she hadn’t played her turn for almost five minutes. “You alright?”
Perhaps it was best not to bottle it up. She blinked a couple of times and nodded, but just afterwards she shook her head. No, she wasn’t right. Perhaps Zoro could help.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not here. Just follow up…” she told him, trying to hide the blush from her cheeks. “Hey, Hawk Eyes, we’re almost out of wine. Mind if we go down to the cellar for another bottle?”
“No, please go.” He answered without looking back at them, but his tone was alarmed as if it was a national emergency that they were running out of his favorite beverage. “Bring a Dresrossian harvest while you’re there.”
“Yup, got it. Come, Zoro, help me carry them.”
Zoro followed her steps and she made sure not to go through the walls so he’d not get lost on his way to the cellar. It took quite a long time to get to the lower floor of the castle, but Perona always enjoyed visiting the wine reserves of their landlord. Mihawk was not much for decorations and personal items, but the cellar was an addition entirely made by him.
“Spill the beans. What’s wrong?”
“Please don’t laugh at me.”
“Talk.”
“Don’t be such an insensitive idiot! This is hard for me! I… I don’t even know how to talk about it.”
“That bad, huh?” Zoro said, sitting on an empty barrel and patting the one besides him for her to join him. She hopped and rested her head on his shoulder, furrowing. She was so angry at herself.
“I… I have a crush.” She finally let out, grunting and blowing off air to remove some hair from her face.
“Ok, there are very few humans on this island. I'm a little worried. It’s not one of the humandrills, right?”
“You’re such an idiot!”
“Is it me?”
“...no”
The two of them kept silent for a while. Zoro grabbed a random bottle from the closest stand and cut it open with a short knife he carried around at all times now, ever since he had grown accustomed to being ambushed by the monkeys and Mihawk at random times.
“Since when?”
“I don’t know. A couple of months, maybe.”
“Does he know?”
“Of course he doesn’t! I don’t even think he cares!”
“That’s not the issue. The problem is you do.” Zoro drank from the bottle without a care in the word and rested his head against the wall. “You’re aware he’s twice your age, don’t you?”
“I’m older than you!” She complained, but then she sighed with a rough voice and nodded. “Yes, I know he’s quite older, but… that doesn’t change a thing. I… I have these feelings I cannot ignore and they bother me so much!”
“Say it.”
“What? why?”
“It will help you. Just say it.”
“... but what for?”
“You’ll not bottle it up and you’ll lose the shame of knowing it’s just a stupid crush.”
“Well… I… I have a crush on Mihawk.” Perona didn’t like how that sounded. She hated it! She slapped both hands against her mouth and shook her head with disgust, retching.
“And how do you feel about it?”
“It makes me angry! He’s awful and not cute!” Perona pouted, puffing her cheeks.
“Will you tell him?”
She kept silent, but then she shook her head.
“There’s no use in doing that, you know? He’ll just play fool and ignore me.”
“Then what do you plan to do?”
“Live with it until either of us dies, I guess.”
“I think you should tell him, eventually. He’s not as bad as he seems.”
“The guy almost kills you on a daily basis, Zoro!”
“I know. But he cares. If he didn’t, he’d not take me seriously and he’d go easy on me at all times. Or he’d not train me at all. He’s weird, but he’s not a bad man.” Zoro handed her the bottle and Perona took a swing off it. “Besides, you should think about this… I’m leaving in a few months. You will come back to him, won’t you? Then, it will just be the two of you.”
“Damn it, mosshead, I hadn’t thought of that!” She cried, taking another long sip of wine.
“What’s the worst that could happen? He’s not going to cut you down or throw you out of his house just because you have feelings for him.”
“What would you do if I told you I liked you?”
“I don’t pay much mind to those things. I guess I’d be flattered, but it’d be just the same.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Nothing would change, nor him, nor I…”
“Then you should change, if it makes you feel better. Who knows? He might like that.”
Perona chuckled and stood from the barrel, then she looked for the bottle she had promised to bring upstairs. She shook her head and turned back to face Zoro before going back to the kitchen.
“I won’t change myself for a man. Not now, not in a hundred years. Not even if he’s the World’s Greatest Swordsman or a tasteless monkey.” She stood as tall as she could, frowning. “If he can’t like me for who I am, then I won’t like him anymore. As simple as that.”
Zoro smiled, cocking his head to the side and following her upstairs, or he’d get very lost before dinner. At times he wondered if she liked herself as much as she bragged about it. Perhaps what she needed was to accept the changes coming out for her. Perhaps Hawk Eyes was the perfect man for that, but only time would tell.