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"Okay kids, time to go home! Don't forget to greet your ka-chan and tou-chan a Happy Valentines on the 14th, okay?"
"Yes, Koushi-sensei!"
Sugawara Koushi flashes his biggest smile as his students bid him goodbye to reunite with their parents, who were waiting just outside the classroom. He watches with fondness as they, one by one, settle into their tou-chan or ka-chan's arms as they animatedly recall the events of the day.
There was one child, however, whom he always had to stay with for an hour after school because her mother had work and she always arrived an hour late in fetching her daughter. Kaori-chan who likes tugging at his sleeves and ushering him to sit with her so they could talk about her crushes just because she trusts him that much.
After Koushi has made sure everyone sans Kaori was able to go home, he turns to her and says with the most gentle voice possible, "What do you wanna talk about today, Kaori-chan?"
Kaori, who's sitting on one of the tables, squeals excitedly. "I wanna ask you something, Koushi-sensei!"
Oh, to still have such amounts of energy even after a long day at school. "What is it, Kaori-chan? Please don't tell me it's about /my/ crushes, because I don't have one."
"I already know you don't have any crushes, you told me many times already! But it doesn't mean you don't loooooove someone the way my ka-chan and tou-chan love each other, right? Riiiiiight?!"
Koushi laughs nervously. Seriously, he wasn't trained enough for this. How was he going to explain to a five year old that he's gay and he loves people that would be tou-chans in the future too?
He decides to just answer the question directly, head first. "I guess I do have someone..."
"Tell me more, please?"
"This person— he has brown eyes and brown hair like yours. But, he's in a far away place right now, so we can't come see each other."
"A he?"
"Yes, a he."
"Wow. I've never met someone like you before. That's cool, Koushi-sensei!"
Oh, thank god this child hasn't beent tainted by heteronormative views yet, because he really didn't know how to explain it if she has been. He releases all the nervousness that he didn't know he was feeling with a smile.
"Of course I'm cool, Kaori-chan! I'm the best sensei in all of Miyagi!"
Kaori just laughs at this, agreeing wholeheartedly at Koushi.
After a few moments of laughter, Kaori comes to a realization, and gasps.
"If he's in a far, far away place right now, then does that mean he won't be here for valentine's, Koushi-sensei?"
Ah, that kind of hit a sore spot.
Kid's words sure are blunt.
Koushi, at 25, has been in a long distance relationship with Oikawa Tooru, since they were both 21. It's been a lot of work, maintaining a relationship with a busy athlete who lives on the other side of the world, but he wouldn't trade what they have for anything else.
It doesn't mean that he didn't feel lonely on days like this, though.
He tries to answer Kaori's question without choking up. "Yeah, I think so."
Kaori says no more, sensing Koushi's shift in mood. He's been good at masking his feelings and maintaining a happy facade in front of the kids even when he's feeling blue, but being attached to Kaori meant having to let his walls down a little.
The smile doesn't quite reach his eyes when he tries to change the subject. Luckily, Kaori seemed to forget the previous conversation when the topic was shifted to chocolates instead.
An hour later, Koushi finds himself cradling sleeping Kaori in his arms.
Tooru , he remembers. Tooru always does this when he's tired of speaking too much. The last time Tooru came over to Japan to visit, he had animatedly talked about his adventures in Argentina, and Koushi, of course, let him. Five Sake's and three onigiri later, Tooru exhausts all his energy and settles himself on Koushi's shoulder, whispering words of love as sleep takes him away.
I miss him.
Later, as he goes home, Koushi cries himself to sleep. Children always had the tendency to do that to him, exposing parts of himself that he's kept locked away in order to keep himself sane as he braves through this relationship without Tooru by his side.
I miss him.
He doesn't know why he's suddenly being emotional over Valentine's when it has already long been established between them that it's not as important as, say, each other's birthdays or their anniversaries. They haven’t spent a single Valentine’s together, and he should be used to it by now, but it still hurts.
I miss him.
Coming home to an empty apartment hurts. Eating dinner without someone to talk to about your day hurts. Leaving space on the bed for a person who will not be arriving hurts. Sleeping in Tooru's shirts just so he could feel him in his arms hurts.
Dreaming of him hurts. Waking up without him hurts.
Every single day, it hurts.
On Valentine's day, Koushi busies himself in house work. He wakes up early, cleans his apartment, does groceries, arranges his books, anything he could do to make the day pass faster. But as early as 5pm he finds himself already listless, having already done everything he needed to do earlier in the day.
Around this time, his friends would already be preparing for their Valentine's dinner. Daichi would be dressing up for once so he could meet up with Iwa for a little movie night, Asahi's currently in Italy with Noya right now, doing who knows what, and Shimizu would start setting up candles all around the living room so she and Tanaka could dance to a candlelit home later on in the night.
And Koushi... Koushi would be alone, watching Netflix on TV while lounging on his couch, waiting for the right time to call Tooru and greet him with a Happy Valentine's.
It's already 8pm in Japan, which means it's currently 8am in Argentina. Tooru should be long awake and done with his morning routine by now. But before deciding it's the right time to call, Tooru beats him to it. He almost breaks his arms from grabbing his phone from the coffee table at the sound of Tooru's distinct ringtone.
A voice he knows too well speaks from the other line of the phone: "Happy Valentine's, Love."
And just like that, it starts to rain in Sugawara Koushi's household once more.
Koushi tries to stifle his sobs, trying his best to not let Tooru know that he's been in a shitty disposition since last Friday with Kaori. But as more tears cascade down his eyes, it's becoming increasingly harder to keep his emotions at bay.
Tooru must have been wondering about the silence on the other line, so he asks him, "Is everything okay?"
"T-Tooru..." Koushi starts shakily, voice weak and defeated, "I miss you."
Tooru doesn't reply for several moments, but then he hears some sniffing on the other end of the line. Oh no. He just made his boyfriend cry because he's crying. This is not good.
"Tooru, love," Koushi softly murmurs, attempting to calm both of them down, "please stop crying. You have a shoot later on in the day right? Your face will get all puffy…"
"How could I not cry, Koushi?! I-I miss you so bad. Valentine's suck. Everybody's already smooching everywhere and it's only 8am!"
Koushi agrees with him. Valentine's really does suck. He wipes his tears, trying to start a lighter conversation so the waterworks could stop. "I know. I went grocery shopping earlier in the day and some young couple was making out in the aisles. It was gross."
Tooru laughs on the other line, and Koushi guesses the tears have already stopped flowing in Argentina. "I bet if we were together today, we can be grosser than that."
The rest of the conversation goes like that, talking about their mutual bitterness over Valentine's in a humorous way, so that they could lighten their painful predicament.
Several laughs later, Tooru turns serious.
"Hey, love? Turn on your video."
Koushi does what is asked of him, and he sees Tooru standing right in the middle of his living room. Even after crying, his boyfriend still looks so damn good.
"What are you doing?"
"You said everybody in Japan's either dancing in their living rooms or having sex, and we can't have sex right now, so, will you dance with me?"
Koushi's heart explodes with warmth, and he feels tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes once more. Trust in Tooru to still make him feel like a giddy teenager even after four years and 18,000 kilometers apart.
Koushi says nothing, only nods, as he stands in the middle of his own living room. Tooru plays a song— their song, and both of them start waltzing into the night, looking at each other with loving eyes through their phone screens.
It was silly, dancing alone and twirling with a phone in hand, but Tooru and Koushi let themselves be. Because this is the only thing they can have right now.
Midway through the dance, Koushi starts crying again at the realization that no matter how many times they talk together on the phone, it will never be enough.
So with a courage he didn't know he had, he blurted out the words he'd been meaning to say since last month when he finally started getting sick of this painful arrangement.
"Hey, love… wait for me, will you?"
"What do you mean? Will you be visiting here someday?"
"I will be settling there someday."
Tooru stops moving at Koushi's sudden news, "W-what?"
Koushi just smiles at him in happy tears, and tells him, "I refuse to live my life without you anymore."
"But you will be throwing your life in Japan away."
"My life is with you, love. Always has been."
Now Tooru's crying again. But this time, Koushi doesn't try to stop him. "You are perfect," Tooru weeps, "so perfect. I love you."
"And I love you."
"Since when did you start planning this?"
"I didn't yet," Koushi answers honestly. "all I know is that I want to dance with you for real, hold you in my arms, feel your warmth. I want to love you everyday, Tooru. And I want to show you that in person, from the time you wake up until the moment you go to sleep."
Tooru's crying loudly now, weeping and wailing and failing to contain his sobs. "Koushi… I am so sorry. It has been so painful for you, hasn't it?"
"It hurts everyday," Koushi admits through his own tears, feeling his whole body shake with the intensity of his sobs, "But Valentine's for some reason hurt twice as much."
"I wish I could be there to hold you."
"Someday, you will be. It will take a few years, but you'll wait for me, won't you, Tooru?"
"Of course I will. No matter how long it takes. I love you, you know that, right?"
I know. You tell me everyday, Koushi thinks. He's been lucky to find a man like Tooru, whose patience spans continents and time. Bit he won't let themselves wait anymore.
"I know. I love you too. I will see you soon, alright, love?"
"Alright."
Later that night, Koushu brings his phone to his bed, falling asleep to Tooru's voice, this time, with a smile on his face.
Someday, Koushi will get to hold Tooru through the night until the morning peaks through their curtains. He will get to hear his voice, get to feel his body, his warmth and the intensity of his love.
He will wake up to sweet nothings and whispers of love and forever, and go to work only to come home to waiting arms. They will dance in the kitchen every night to make up for all the Valentine's they have missed, until their dinner runs cold and their neighbors knock at their doors to tell them to keep their music down.
But today, Koushi will sleep with tear-stained cheeks and his dying phone in hand, and he will brave the next morning alone, and the next, and the next, until the day comes that he won't have to anymore.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Oh, I almost forgot, did you like the flowers I sent you?"
"What flowers? I didn't receive any."
"What?! But I specifically asked Iwa-chan to deliver it to you before he and Daichi do anything— THAT HORNY BASTARD!"