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Where I'm meant to be

Summary:

“I don’t know. I think Andrew made reservations. I have to brush off my suit apparently.”

Tony smiled at the look on Steve’s face. Everyone knew how much Steve hated dressing up and having to put on suits to battle with ties and cuff links. If Tony had had the chance, their first date would have been at some family-run diner where the dress code was jeans and sneakers, maybe a blazer if they were feeling slightly adventurous. They’d have their own meals and then Steve would still be hungry but Tony wouldn’t, so Steve would order a dessert that he’d let Tony pick at when he pouted because it looked so good and he should have ordered one. 

But that would never happen. Because Steve was dating Andrew.

Not Tony.

Notes:

this is an old tumblr fic, if you think you've seen it before!
I do not consent for this to be posted anywhere other than here.

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Tony hated seeing it. Steve looked so happy every time that Tony saw him and whilst Tony was glad about that, he hated the reason for that happiness. 

It wasn’t even that Andrew was a bad guy. It was just that he wasn’t Tony and therefore he shouldn’t be touching Steve in any way. 

Tony had been about to tell Steve how he felt as well. He really, really had this time. He had fought with himself for weeks before he’d finally decided that yes, Steve needed to know. It wouldn’t be so bad to take that step and open his heart, to admit what was on the tip of his tongue every time he and Steve hung out. 

And they hung out a lot. They ate together most days when Tony wasn’t stuck in the lab and they shared movie nights at least once a week. It was coffee breaks spent together and weekend walks through the park. Tony loved every single second that he got to spend with Steve. He loved Steve. 

 

And then Andrew had appeared. Tony wanted to hate him; he really, really did. He just couldn’t. The guy was just so damn nice. He was so quick to smile, so keen to share the last muffin or to squidge up on the couch to let Tony in. In fact he was the perfect boyfriend. Exactly what Tony wanted to be. 

 

/

 

 

 

“Hey.”

Tony wasn’t so hot first thing in a morning so he just grunted some sort of greeting back at Steve’s cheerful grin. 

“Did you get any sleep?”

Tony scrunched his nose up in thought as he went about pouring a cup of coffee. “I think so. I wrapped up around 5, I think, so whatever gap was between then and now is how much sleep I got.”

“About 3 hours,” Steve replied, face falling. He put his newspaper down and fixed Tony with a concerned look. “You really need to go back to bed.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to make some joking comment about Steve joining him when there was a noise behind him and Andrew walked in. Right. He couldn’t do that anymore. 

When Andrew wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders and leant down for a kiss, Tony made his exit. He didn't go in the direction of his bedroom, though, heading down to the lab instead.

Who needed sleep anyway? 

 

 

/

 

 

“Boo.”

It was always funny to see Steve jump half a mile in the air. For such good reflexes and hearing, he relaxed so much at the tower that it was almost too easy to catch him out. It was one of Tony’s favourite things to do though; to sneak up behind Steve and make him jump. The laugh that Steve always gave after made his stomach swoop and the way that Steve would make a grab for him in retaliation made his heart beat so much faster.

“Hi, Tony,” Steve said with a fond roll of his eyes, laughter still clear in his tone as he settled back against the couch cushions. “What can I help you with?”

“I’ve queued up the best list of movies for tonight. There’s a theme and you’re gonna have to guess-”

“Oh.” Steve’s quiet voice stopped Tony in his tracks. “Tony, I’m so sorry. I forgot all about movie night and I told Andrew we could go out tonight. He’s been working all week and-”

“No, no,” Tony cut in quickly, swallowing harshly and shaking his head. “No, that’s fine. Of course that’s fine. Go out with your boyfriend – I’ve been putting off my work for far too long anyway. God knows I don’t need any more distractions.”

Tony averted his eyes so he missed the flicker of disappointment across Steve’s face.

“Right. Thank you. I am sorry though, I should have mentioned it.”

“No harm done.” Tony’s smile felt like plastic and his voice sounded nothing like his. He wanted to be sick, quite frankly, and he hated the feeling. “Where are you going?” Not that Tony cared, but even he could be polite when it was called for. Or when he needed a mask to hide behind.

“I don’t know. I think Andrew made reservations. I have to brush off my suit apparently.”

Tony smiled at the look on Steve’s face. Everyone knew how much Steve hated dressing up and having to put on suits to battle with ties and cuff links. If Tony had had the chance, their first date would have been at some family-run diner where the dress code was jeans and sneakers, maybe a blazer if they were feeling slightly adventurous. They’d have their own meals and then Steve would still be hungry but Tony wouldn’t, so Steve would order a dessert that he’d let Tony pick at when he pouted because it looked so good and he should have ordered one. 

But that would never happen. Because Steve was dating Andrew.

Not Tony.

 

 

/

 

 

“Hey! How was your show?”

Tony looked up from his tablet, brow furrowed. “My show?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, walking into the room and standing by the table. “The exhibition for your new product. It was last night?”

“It was last Tuesday,” Tony said with a grimace. “A week ago.”

“What?” Steve’s mouth fell open and he looked horrified. “Oh my God. Tony, I’m so sorry. I really thought it was yesterday. I meant to go, but then Andrew asked me… I should have been there. I would have asked how it went if I’d known it had already happened. God, I’m so sorry.”

Tony shrugged and dropped his gaze once more. “It’s fine. No big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” Steve protested, trying to catch Tony’s eye. “I should have been there for you. How did it go?”

“It was fine.”

It hadn’t been, actually. It had been full of rich douches that had spent the whole night trying to win Tony over with brags about their bank balances or their new products, young side pieces hanging off their arms and trying to lure Tony in with simpering gazes. He’d spent the whole night wishing that Steve would suddenly appear to whisper inappropriate jokes into his ear, his eyes flicking over to the door every few minutes in the hopes that his best friend would walk in with a drink in each hand and a twinkle in his eye.

But he hadn’t. Because he had forgotten about Tony.

Tony stood up and drained his coffee. “I have to get back to the lab.” He swallowed against the burn and looked up to meet his friend’s gaze. "I hope you had a lovely night with Andy.”

 

/

 

 

Tony nearly jumped out of his skin when the door suddenly burst open and he was rudely awakened from his nap. He lifted his head from the couch and squinted over at the figure standing there, panting as if they’d run a mile.

“Steve?” Tony rubbed at his eyes and bit down on a yawn. “What are you doing here?”

“I should be here.”

“What?” Tony pushed himself up onto his elbow. “You’re meant to be out with Andrew, aren’t you? I thought you had a whole night planned. He’s been talking about it for a while.”

“I did.”

“Then why should you be here?” Steve didn’t reply and Tony furrowed his brow. “Steve, you’re not making any sense.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

Tony swallowed and did his best to ignore the way his heart sank to his toes. Instead, he rolled his eyes and made his voice as disinterested as he could. “Yes, I’m aware. Which is why you should be with Andy.”

“No,” Steve said and finally stepped into the room, walking slowly over the carpet until he stopped just before the couch. “I shouldn’t.”

“What?” Tony’s head was spinning. Maybe he hadn’t actually woken up? He hadn't slept in a while, after all. Perhaps it was all some sort of dream or a very vivid hallucination. “Steve, you’re not making any sense.”

“You should be with the ones you love on Valentine’s Day,” Steve said, his voice heartbreakingly insecure. “I was sitting there with Andrew, who was being so sweet and so kind just like he always is, and all I could think about was what you were doing. Whether or not you were heading out, if you were stuck down in the lab forgetting to eat, if you were being kissed and spoilt the way you deserve.”

Tony stared in shock, blinking up at Steve completely unable to believe what he was hearing. Not wanting to believe what he was hearing.

“I wanted to be with you,” Steve continued, not looking away from Tony for a second. “I wanted to be the one taking you out and pulling you out of the lab. I wanted to be the one to kiss you and to buy you roses just to watch you blush and insist that you didn’t need them. I didn’t want Andrew. I don’t want anyone if they’re not you and I’m sorry it took me so long to realise that.”

Tony opened his mouth and promptly closed it, all semblance of thought leaving him. His head was spinning and he really wasn’t sure if any of it was real.

It took a very long time for him to finally reply but, when he did, it wasn’t verbal.

Tony reached out and fisted his hands into Steve’s sweater, yanking the man down until their mouths could press together. The kiss was long and languid, lips moving against the other's like they'd done it a hundred times before. It was slow and soft, with no need to rush. Tony had wanted it for so long that he didn’t feel any need to make things move any faster, wanting instead to bask in what he'd always wanted.

He finally had Steve right where he wanted him, he thought as he slid his hand up to curl over the back of Steve's neck, and he was never going to let him go.