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“Hey Gina? Um, it’s Ricky. Ricky Bowen. In case you know another Ricky. It’s me.
“I heard you’re staying? Which is cool, really cool, I, uh— I can’t believe it. Ashlyn kinda spilled, but I won’t say anything if you don’t want, you know, I’m just, I’m really happy for you, Gina. I don’t— I don’t know. I don’t think things would be the same without you. East High is better with Gina Porter in it.
“That was… terribly cheesy, I am sorry. Huh, I am terrible at voicemails, it’s like I can hear you laughing at me and you didn’t even pick up.
“Um, I wish you did. Pick up. I’d love to talk to you, Gina.
“You’re probably busy, unpacking or doing like, quadruple pirou-nets with your eyes closed. So it’s okay, but uh, call me back? If you can?
“Okay, that’s it. Uh, see ya. Go Wildcats.”
“Hey Gina! Ricky here. That was stupid, hold on uh, hey, it’s me. Uh, anyway, didn’t see you at Ashlyn’s holiday party so, I hope everything’s okay. I missed youuu…r cupcakes! Ha, yeah, you know, because Red baked and well, that’s a good enough reason to skip the party. Can’t blame you.
“But really, wish you were there. I feel like we never really got to talk you know, in the middle of the show and everything going on. And normally that wouldn’t bother me, because I’m not big on feelings and talking about them, and we’re always on the same page with that stuff but, I don’t know. We always did feelings. And now I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.
“But I hope you’re excited about moving? I know I am, if not for you, for your cupcakes. Hah, lame joke. Call me back and yell at me for it?
“Okay, bye Gina. See ya soon.”
“Gina! It’s Ricky! I don’t know why I keep introducing myself— unless you deleted my number in the past three weeks your phone will show my contact name when I call… wait… did you delete my number?
“Forget I said that, that’s ridiculous. You wouldn’t delete my number. We’re friends, we just haven’t been keeping up with each other.
“Like I had to hear you went home to see your mom and might not be coming back from EJ. I had to talk to EJ, Gina. Guy still has it out for me, I swear. Especially since I got back together with Nini—
“Which, I am also apologizing for, since you had to learn that through Carlos? Natalie? Whoever it was, I should have told you. Because we’re friends, and this is what friends talk about. Right?
“Um, anyway. We should talk. However you want, call me text me, throw rocks at my window. Whatever. I’ll answer.
“I miss you, Gina. I hope you decide to stay. I’ll probably end up still missing you either way.
“Okay. Call me back. See ya, Gi.”
“Gina, oh my god, I know you’re back on the East Coast with your mom but they finally opened up that new bakery, you know, the one they’ve been building for like eight years and I almost crashed into the night I drove you home from homecoming!! Do you remember?
“If you don’t remember that horrible presentation of my driving then I regret giving that description. But whatever.
“Just called to tell you the good news. Hope whatever desserts they have where you are taste as good as just the parking lot of this place smells.
“Miss you Gina!”
“Gina? Me again, just checking in. I popped a tire on Red’s car and am standing in the snow waiting for someone to come pick me up.
“I feel awful and everyone I call to discreetly pick me up without Red knowing so I can fix the tire before he finds out just keeps making me feel worse. Was hoping you’d pick up because I’m pretty sure you hated this car and would say it finally got what it deserved. And then I might feel a little better.
“Anyway that’s it. My hand is about to get seriously frozen so I’m gonna hang up and keep it in my pocket until someone gets here, which I think actually might be EJ and Carlos, believe it or not. Together.
“I know, a lot to unpack there. But hope you’re warm and far away from ugly orange cars with flat tires. Thanks for keeping me company, I guess? Bye Gina.”
“Gina! Hey! You’re staying, like officially officially! I uh, this is great, this is awesome. I wanted to do this in person but I didn’t want to wait until the end of break and you’re probably not listening to these anyway, so I figured, what do I have to lose, right?
“I uh, when are you coming back? Because well, I’m sure you’re getting tired of my voice, without my charmingly good looks to go with them… No? No? Bad line?
“I swear, ever since you left I’ve been spending too much time with Red. Or only time with Red, because honestly I’ve always spent too much time with him but now I’m out of people to balance him out.
“Um anyway, super detoured way of me saying… if you’re back in Salt Lake yet, maybe you’d wanna hang out? Or not, I mean it’s fine if not but I’ve been dying to try the donuts at that new bakery I called you about, and everyone’s saying they’re amazing. But I’ve been waiting to go with you because I would definitely order wrong and you’re like, a baking god. Seriously if you make vegan gluten free cupcakes taste good, I’m not trusting anyone else.
“But like I said, totally up to you. Thought it might be fun, before we have to get back to school and everything.
“So uh, let me know. Hope to hear from ya soon. Okay Gina. Bye.”
“Hey Gina? Did you get my last message? Just wondering. Red said that Ashlyn said you’re back so, you know. We have a couple days before schools starts. And I’d still wanna go if you were free.
“But if you didn’t get my last message and this is not Gina, which I’m pretty sure it is because why would you change your number randomly, uh, I’m sorry for like, the last month of this? I’ll uh, hit pause on my lengthy messages.
“Okay uh, that’s it. Text me?”
“Gina? Sorry about this, I uh, took the hint, I swear. And I swear I wouldn’t be calling you if it wasn’t an emergency because contrary to popular belief I’m not an idiot and when someone doesn’t call back ever, even after she’s no longer in a different time zone, it probably means she doesn’t want to be called anymore. So fine. I got it. I just really needed to talk to someone and the only person I’ve ever done that with is you, so. If you were ever gonna pick up or call back, this would be the time to try.”
“Gina, I know this is your number I’ve checked it with every member of the drama club who will let me see it, why are you not answering my calls? You blew me off all week when I was waiting to see you, I had to get updates about if you were staying or leaving and when you’d be back from EJ. EJ, Gina. The guy who still thinks I’m a walking basketball hazard. And when I really needed your help you flat out ignored me. Even if you just send me a text about what I did wrong. I just want to hear from you.
“I thought we like, got each other, Gina? Why did things have to change? Because now, its the first day of the new school year, and—“
“Gina, did you hear me?”
“Yeah, sorry,” Gina presses hard on the bright red decline button and shoves her phone into her pocket, then skips a few steps to catch up to where EJ and Ashlyn are in front of her, “Someone was calling me.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to hang up for us,” Ashlyn smiles as she adjusts the straps of her backpack on her shoulders, Gina now at her side again, “Who was it?”
“Uh,” Gina scrambles, absently looking up and down rows of lockers, “I don’t… know?”
“You don’t know?”
“Was it one of those spam callers? Because I swear, I get like eight of those a day,” EJ leans forward to look at her from Ashlyn’s left, “They never have anything interesting to say.”
“You pick up?” Ashlyn stares at him, stunned.
“Not anymore,” EJ huffs, “What if someone from Tallahassee, Florida had something important to say to me?”
“And to think, all this intellect graduates in less than six months.”
“Don’t remind me,” EJ pauses, then turns back to Gina, who has remained as they continue their walk thru the halls and towards the drama club’s rehearsal room. He quirks up an eyebrow, “You good, Porter?”
“Yeah, totally, why?” She says, with the air of someone who is totally not fine.
For all the intellect Ashlyn insists EJ lacks, he does a pretty good job of pretending he doesn’t see right through Gina’s lie.
“Just wanna make sure you’re on your game for auditions. Because this time, we are getting those leads.”
“On your own talents and heard work,” Ashlyn says, which ears her a shove from EJ.
“Did I ever say otherwise?”
“Just checking…”
“I will try my best, but I’m not entirely sure I’m gonna be lead material this spring.”
“Gina…”
“What? I just don’t think I’m into waltzing in a goofy yellow dress,” Gina shakes her head as the trio hops up a set of stairs, the noise of theater kids in the distance, “The could stick me in ‘Be Our Guest’ though and I’ll fan kick so hard the audience will forget some of the plot points in this show are kinda messed up.”
“There she is,” Ashlyn hugs Gina’s side and it erupts a genuine smile across her face. For all the drama of staying and not staying leaving and coming back and maybe leaving again, she feels really good right here, right now. She’s got good friends, a good place to stay, she’s checking in with her mom via text seemingly every five minutes just to be sure she’s still okay with her staying, and she’s actually excited about being part of this show, just to be a part of it.
No drama this time, that’s what she promised herself. If she stays, and gives herself this little bit on continuity in her life, then she’s swearing off any form of drama.
Which is exactly why she’s sent one curly haired skater boy to voicemail nine times and counting.
In the past six months Gina has: complained about moving and ended up loving it, been a front runner at musical auditions and been cast as an understudy, hatched an elaborate takeover plan with a senior and then took it all back, and got caught up in feelings for a boy just to be let down.
So no, she’s not going to answer his calls and give him the satisfaction of knowing no matter how many other good things she has in life she is still gonna want him. She’s not that girl. That’s Nini. That’s not her.
The first few were cute, and squeezed at her heart in a way she never thought possible. But then she got angry that he was getting the last word, that he got to pour his heart out and go through this sort of feelings catharsis and all she got to do was hide them somewhere deep inside herself. She got angry that he had other friends living minutes away from him while she was with her mom across the country and he still chose to seek her out. She’s mad. Really mad. Until eventually she learns to ignore him. Sends him to voicemail and never even has the urge to listen to the last few. (Maybe she listens once, at night, when she’s overtired and not thinking straight and lonely in a new and unfamiliar house but no one but her has to know this).
No drama. Besides the drama club.
Whilst indulging in her inner monologue, they’ve managed to hit the hallway outside the theater department’s rooms, where a crowd of students has clustered to sign up for spring musical auditions tomorrow.
“Is it just me or are there like, a bunch of new people here that were not here in the fall?”
“I’m counting like, five?”
“Long as I’m not the new kid anymore, there could be ten new people this show,” Gina smirks, as the trio surveys the crowd.
“This is gonna be so exciting!” Ashlyn all but squeals, then nods towards the sign-up sheet, “I’ll sign us all up?”
“Yes! Caswells on three,” EJ jumps, and sticks his hand palm down between the two sophomores.”
“EJ, I don’t care how many times you ask me to do a family cheer, it’s never gonna happen.”
“Yeah, but you said last time you only wouldn’t do it beacause you can’t do a cheer circle with just two people,” EJ huffs, “But now we have Gina.”
“Go, save yourself,” Gina whispers to Ashlyn, eyes wide, before the redhead jogs off to get in line behind the indeterminate number of newbies.
“You’re really not gonna do the cheer with me?”
“No,” Gina laughs up at him, “Because I’m really not a Caswell.”
“You weren’t saying that when you got first pick of spot on the couch for movie night last night…” EJ grins, nudges her lightly on the shoulder, “This grumpy attitude wouldn’t have anything with you having second thoughts about staying, would it?”
“I never said I was having second thoughts,” Gina crosses her arms across her chest, “And I’m not grumpy.”
“You can always change your mind about staying, you know?” EJ says quietly, both their eyes trained forward on the bustling crowd in front of them, and not on the quietly vulnerable conversation they’re sharing across the hall, “I mean I wouldn’t want you to, but no one would blame you.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to stay.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s just… understudying with you was awful and I’d hate to do it again.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m not kidding, EJ,” she shrugs.
“Neither am I.”
She taps her foot, up and down.
“Because I’m really happy here, and that doesn’t make sense.”
“Gina—“
“My mom’s all I’ve had my entire life. What does that look like, when I say I am the happiest I’ve ever been here, thousands of miles away from her?”
When EJ doesn’t answer, she speaks up again: “She wants me to stay, told me to. I think she feels guilty, and whatever. I’ve never resented her, just her job. You know, she fixes disasters, then replaces them with a new one. What if I don’t know how to love without a disaster in my life?”
“Well, according to you, if we have to understudy the lovebirds of the year over there again then you will have a disaster,” EJ quirks, “So you’re welcome.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Gina’s eyes involuntarily roll as she presses a distressed hand against her forehead.
EJ throws his hands up in defense, “Okay, I can’t be that bad to work with.”
“No, no, not you,” Gina shrugs, and points across the hallway to the couple in question, standing at Ashlyn’s side and chattering excitedly next to the list.
EJ chuckles lightly despite himself, “Ah, I see.”
“For the record, me not entirely wanting to stay has nothing to do with him. Them,” Gina rushes to say.
“I never thought it did,” EJ says, “Although now I’m kinda thinking…”
“No! No,” Gina shakes her head, “If it were up to me I wouldn’t be involved with either of them, in any way.”
“Well I mean, unless Miss Jenn casts you guys together somehow, isn’t it kinda up to you to never speak to them?”
“Hah, you’d think,” Gina huffs, and pulls out her phone, the notification for a new voicemail lighting up. She looks over at EJ, and pauses to consider something before she says very carefully, “Okay, if I tell you something, do you promise to not tell anyone?”
“Promise,” EJ says, without missing a beat.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh my god Gina, who am I gonna tell?”
“I’m just making sure!” She balks, “Because honestly, your track record with honesty isn’t the greatest.”
“If you tell me, I'll tell you a secret too,” EJ insists.
After a brief pause and big, deep breath, Gina sighs nervously, “Okay, he’s been calling me.”
“Calling you?” EJ’s brows are knitted together, his eyes dart between Gina and the curly haired skater who’s laughing at something Nini has likely just said a couple yards from them, “Ricky?”
“Yes, and I never answer, so he’s left me at least a dozen voicemails, each one worse than the last. Look,” Gina holds her phone out to the senior and scrolls through the messages he’s left.
“You keep them?”
“I was hoping eventually I’d run out of storage and he’d get the hint,” Gina sighs, “Yet here we are.”
“He didn’t get the hint after one?”
“Apparently not. He’ll leave one about how much he misses me and how we should be talking more, then he’ll leave another asking if I got the message, then another pissed off that I’m ignoring him. And then he’s inviting me to get ice cream with him like nothing happened!”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“I knew he was an idiot but oh my god.”
“It’s just so frustrating. And so selfish of him,” Gina shakes her head, “That he gets to pour his heart out and mess with me and have the last word in it all.”
“If he wants to talk to you so badly, why is he not coming over to you right now?”
“Because I’m standing her with you, and he’s standing over there with Nini,” Gina smiles sadly, then bites at her bottom lip.
“The most epic love triangle of the decade.”
“Ricky doesn’t love me, Ricky just wants whatever he doesn’t have at the moment.”
“Normally I’d agree with you but, I don’t know Gina,” EJ sighs, then looks at her thoughtfully, “I think you’re different.”
Gina taps her foot nervously.
“Well it doesn’t matter, he made his choice. All four of us were there.”
“Yeah,” EJ looks down, then back up at Gina, “Why don’t you call him back?”
“Because I already told you, I’m not getting in the middle of whatever they have going on. No drama.”
“Leave him a voicemail!”
“He’ll pick up.”
“I’m just saying, I think it could be worth it,” EJ smiles at her, “You’re Gina Porter. You get the last word in my book.”
“Thanks for the advice but I don’t know,” Gina shakes her head, and sees Ashlyn waving and heading back over, “You better tell me your trade secret fast, Caswell, unless you wanna spill to your cousin too.”
“I’m going out with Carlos tomorrow night.”
“What?” Gina isn’t aware she had this much breath in her lungs to gasp, “Going out?”
“I did Beauty and the Beast three summers ago at theater camp and he asked for some advice. We just happen to be going out to get pizza while we do it.”
“Oh my god.”
“Told you it’d be worth it.”
“Yeah, oh my god.”
“Uh, what are you two up to?” Ashlyn suddenly reappears in front of a giggling EJ and a stunned Gina.
They both rush to yelp a “Nothing!” Which only makes Ashlyn mire suspicious.
“Okay…” she hums, “Anyway, we’re all signed up, you ready to go?”
“Caswell’s on three, anyone?”
Gina’s managed to put any ill thoughts about Ricky Bowen and the mess he’s insisting upon her first time in forever normal life behind her by the time EJ has driven them all home. They spend most of the ride deciding who’s gonna end up playing who (because they all know it doesn’t really matter what they do tomorrow, Miss Jenn’s probably already made up her mind). What else could Gina possibly have to worry about when all she can hear is EJ screaming “Gaston” from the front seat? (And Ashlyn’s equally loud eye roll.)
She’s totally put it all behind her.
Except…
Ashlyn’s just jumping out of the car when EJ asks, “No Big Red tonight?”
And Ashlyn’s answering, “He’s coming over later, he’s went t the skate park with Ricky right after school, some sacred first day of school tradition, or whatever, I don’t know.”
She absently hears EJ mumble something about not knowing how much pizza to order for dinner while her mind spins with another thought.
No drama. But maybe… maybe.
Ricky’s at the skate park. It’s loud in there, she knows, and he’s not looking at his phone.
He wouldn’t pick up. He shouldn’t.
She’d get the last word.
“Gi, you coming in?”
“Uh,” she waves EJ in at the doorway, after Ashlyn’s already stepped back inside, “I’ll be in in a minute, just wanna uh, call my mom. Check in.”
He smiles lightly, and shuts the door behind him, leaving Gina on the porch with a ver bad EJ Caswell-sanctioned idea dead set in her mind.
It’s dark on the porch, the shadows of the sun starting to set cast around her, the shut front door lends no light from the inside, the safety and warmth of the new chapter of her life.
It feels like the time to end this one.
She dials before she can talk herself out of it.
It rings once, twice, she watches her breath puff out in smoke in front of her face, and her boots crunch under the bits of icy snow stuck to the brick, three rings, four rings, she breathes in, and out, then—
“Hey Ricky. It’s Gina. No, I didn’t change my number and yes, I got all your messages. It was really nice of you to think of me all those times while I was away.”
She bites at the inside of her cheek, knowing thats a lie. It wasn’t nice, it messed with her feelings for weeks.
She’s Gina Porter. She can do this.
“You know what actually, no. It wasn’t very nice. It was kind of selfish. I get it Ricky, we were friends, and leaving you without a word wasn’t my best work but I cannot help but feel like I was only ever your friend when it was convenient to you. And you never stopped to think about what I wanted, what I needed out of this friendship, or whatever it was.”
Damn, EJ was right. This felt kind of good.
She continues, “I would have done anything to make you feel better when things were shitty with your mom or with the musical or even with Nini. But when I was upset, I was still catering to your feelings. The night of the show when I came back, all we talked about was you, and then you wondered why I didn’t wanna talk anymore. You ask a lot of effort from people without ever really knowing you’ll have to give it back. Normally I’d let it slide because I think you’re fun and funny and talented and I like spending time with you, but I can’t do that anymore. Not when I’ve been given this incredible opportunity to not have to start over for once. I’m not messing that up by trying to figure out what you want from me.
“This is what I want from you. I don’t want to hear about how you think I messed up anymore. You’re not the victim of every situation, Ricky. Other people get hurt too. I also don’t want to hear about how you can’t trust me or how I don’t tell you things, and I don’t want to hear about cute things you’re doing with Nini that we did together all last fall. And honestly, Ricky, I don’t want to do on a date to the bakery with you. You have a girlfriend. I’m not being that girl. If Nini makes you happy then that makes me happy but again, I’m not here for your convenience. I don’t owe you anything, like hanging out with me is going to ease your guilty conscience for leaving me standing at the back of the gym and not speaking to me again.
“You called but you never once ran to find me, sought me out in person. And that’s all the answer I need.”
She finished her one long winded breath of pent up feelings with a huff, grips the phone tightly in her hand.
Eyes closed and heart on the line, “And they’re called pirouettes. Not piro-nets. Work on your dance vocabulary, Wildcat.”
She hangs up.
(When she heads back inside, to the warmth, the light, her new home, EJ will ask about her mom, and she’ll stumble over her words for a minute before finally saying something half convincing about the time zones and calling her again later. She’ll smile, and exhale, for the first time since nine voicemails ago.)
Gina likes to tell herself she hasn’t thought about the voicemails all day. She reminds herself she’s not thinking about them every time her phone chimes with a new notification, every time the school bell rings for a new period, every time a nagging teacher tells them to put their phones away. She thinks about not thinking about them, and instead wills her phone to vibrate to life again.
Each class goes by, and no voicemail comes.
She reminds herself, in the middle of reminding herself that she’s not thinking about the voicemails, that she never asked him to stop sending voicemails when she called yesterday. How do you give yourself the last word and then not indicate that the communication stops here?
It’s what she gets for acting impulsivl, rushing into this heart first instead of head.
But maybe, she reminds herself too, he got the hint. He’s said it before, in voicemail number six or eight. So maybe, just maybe, this will all work out after all.
She’s reminding herself she doesn’t want to hear his voice anymore, but that reminder is much less convincing.
“I’m not convinced.”
“Huh?” Gina snaps out of her thoughts in time with the shut of the locker door next to her.
“Miss Jenn’s told me some of her casting ideas for Beauty and the Beast already,” Carlos slumps against the now shut locker door, his forehead burrowed in distress, “And originally I agreed with her but the more I think about it, the less convinced I am it’s the right choice.”
“Um, well it seems like it probably goes against some code to tell me these decisions before I’ve even auditioned…” Gina ponders, grabbing a binder and pushing it into her backpack.
“Let’s just say,” Carlos looks both ways across the hallway, then leans in close to Gina, “I’m not sure how well wildcat translates into big furry beast.”
“That’s disturbing.”
“I told you, I’m having second thoughts.”
“Well, it didn’t really clear up much,” Gina laughs, shutting her locker as well, “But my best advice would be to go with our gut. You have good instincts.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah,” Gina nods and swings her backpack over one shoulder, “And if you don’t believe me, look it up. Big Book of Broadway—“
“Page 136,” Carlos smiles, “God, do you know how lost I would be without you this spring?”
“I’m sure you’d manage,” Gina self consciously tugs at the hem of her skirt.
“No seriously the dance routines in this show are insane, and that’s before we add in whatever antics Miss Jenn tries to pull.”
“I think there actually is levitating in this one though…”
“Well let’s hope for all of our sakes Big Red forgets how to read that part in the read-through next week.”
The sophomores start down the hallway, and towards their makeshift theater they’re using while the old one is rebuilding.
Carlos is just telling Gina about his plans for the Act I finale when her phone rings in her pocket.
“Is your phone ringing?” Carlos looks at her funny, “I didn’t think people called anymore.”
“Uh, it’s probably my mom, checking in,” Gina laughs half-heartedly, “She’s still getting used to the time-zone stuff.”
Carlos looks back at her, and swings the door open to the rehearsal room, “I’ll see you inside, my superstar?”
She nods, and pulls her phone out, genuinely expecting to pick up and hear her mom’s voice.
So she picks up, without even thinking twice about it.
“Oh my god, Gina?”
Only, it’s not her mom.
“Uh hey, I wasn’t expecting you to pick up but—“
She’s never ended a phone call so fast kn her entire life. Before she can even take one breath in and out, the same number is calling again.
Ricky’s contact page lights up the screen and as fast as she did the first time, Gina declines the call.
Why was he calling her now? In the school? Ten minutes before auditions start, auditions she knew he would be at because she saw him scribbling his newly penned theater kid name on the sign up sheet behind his leading lady girlfriend. What the hell was he thinking? Calling her now?
He took exactly zero hints.
After a minute of mental scrambling, her phone lights up again, only this time to the all too familiar ‘1 New Voicemail’ notification.
If she doesn’t listen to it, she’ll avoid drama.
But if she doesn’t listen to it, how is she supposed to know how to respond with the last word?
And isn’t that what the whole calling was about?
There’s nine minutes until she has to be inside, number taped to her chest, ready to audition for a role she already knows Miss Jenn and Carlos have picked for her. Knowing this, and the fact that she could dance circles around the rest of East High in her sleep, she makes the poor judgement call to listen to the voicemail anyway.
“I uh, guess you didn’t mean to pick up? And that’s fine, you didn’t have to, we don’t have to talk at all, or, I mean, I want to talk, but if it’s just through voicemails, then that’s fine by me.
I’ll apologize for everything, Gina, I swear. I don’t even know where to start with how wrong I’ve been about everything, but I will make it up to you, no matter how many of these stupid messages of my voice it takes.
Anyway, uh, just wanted to say good luck on auditions today. Not that you need it, but just. Yeah.
And uh, I know you hate me right now, and you owe me nothing but, maybe watch the last part of my song today? I’ve been working really hard on my piro-wets. I got that right, right? Right? Okay yeah, break a leg, Gina.”
(When she heads into the auditions room, she’ll drift quietly to the back, finding EJ and giving him a small smile. She’ll say nothing to him of her actions, of her wrestling thoughts and urge to give in again and again. She’ll nail her audition, wink at Carlos and hug Ashlyn, then sit alone at the side of the room when the boys are called up. And she won’t be sure how a smile so wide is supposed to fit on her face when Ricky Bowen finishes his audition with the world’s worst pirouette.)
“This is day one of me, Ricky Bowen apologizing to Gina Porter for being a jerk of a best friend for the past month.
I am very sorry for not trying to talk to you more on opening night. You were a really great friend to me and I don’t know, I dont think I’ve veer had one of those before? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have Big Red, and he’s been a great friend for longer than I remember but it’s different with you, if that makes any sense? You talk about things differently. And It has helped me more than you can ever know. Really, Gina. Thank you.
“I’ll be back to apologize again tomorrow, until you block my number or I run out of things to apologize for, whatever comes first. And I think we both know which one that’ll be.
“In that case, I’ll be calling you from Red’s phone. Then Ashlyn’s. And Then Carlos and Seb and seriously Gina, I’ll even ask Miss Jenn.
“Hope you’re having a good day. See ya soon, Gina.”
“Day two! Cats list is up and number one, I think you’re going to be an absolute kick ass feather duster. I will be cheering you on as angry mob man #3 and kitchenware ensemble.
“Seriously though, Troy was way out of my league last time, I think it’ll be good for me to like, get the real theater experience for once. Carlos seems to think I might also play Chip in ‘Be Our Guest’, which I think has more to do with him not wanting to teach me the dance ensemble choreography.
“You’re gonna kill it though. Front and center, star dancer. I’m excited to watch.
“Which is all a roundabout way of me apologizing for never telling you how amazing you were last time. You were always making me feel good about my talent and place in the show, and I never tried hard enough to make you feel like you had a place here too. I’m sorry. I know it had nothing to do with me, but I’m glad you realized it and decided to stay.
“Anyway, I have to teach Red how to jazz square, or maybe the other way around? Either way someone’s ending up in the ER. Okay, see you at rehearsal Gina.”
“Um, day three? Three? Yeah, three. Hey Gina, I uh—“
“Oh my god.” Gina yells in exasperation before throwing her head down on the desk she’s sitting at in the theater room.
EJ finds it hard to hide his laughter from his seat next to her, “Care to elaborate? Or are you method acting by trying to become an actual household object?”
“Do you promise not to laugh at me?”
“What?”
“No ‘I told you so’s?”
“Gina what are you—“
“I called him back,” Gina leans in and whispers to him.
“Ricky?”
“Don’t say it so loud, we’re still not speaking in real life, and I don’t want that to change,” she hums seriously, then leans in closer, “But I kind of want to leave him another voicemail.”
“Wait hold on, rewind, what happened the first time and why didn’t you say anything to me about it?”
“Because I was embarrassed at how easily I gave in,” Gina admits, “And I had just told you no drama. And then I actually invited it on myself.”
“I’m kind of hurt you didn’t trust me but whatever, more important things,” EJ purses his lips, “Are you gonna elaborate?”
“Is the five minute break in our read-through the best time to do this?”
“You started it!”
“Fine, but only because I saw him and Big Red leave the room,” Gina huffs, “I left him a voicemail full of word vomit on all the reasons why I was mad at him.”
“Nice!”
“It was kinda harsh, but all true, and I felt better for a while but then he called back and left a voicemail apologizing, and he’s been doing that for three days straight and it’s driving me crazy.”
“Oh my god.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“Okay, so what are you gonna do next?”
“That’s why I’m talking to you!”
“Do I look like I have advice on this? I’m the last person to be shelling out cell phone drama advice.”
“I want to call him back,” Gina says, voice wrought with contemplation, the hours she’s spent stressing about this evident, “I like talking to him and it’s not drama if we’re talking about useless stuff. I’ve already given him the list of things he can’t say. And if it’s just voicemails, they won’t be as often as if we were texting, so I’m still keeping him at a distance, you know? And if you’re the only other person that knows, there can’t be any drama, so—“
“Sounds like you made up your mind.”
“But it’s a bad idea,” Gina shakes her head, just as she sees everyone starting to retire to their seats, the end of their five coming up, “I need you to tell me it’s a bad idea.”
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“EJ!”
“Fine, fine,” he rolls his eyes, “It’s a bad idea.”
“But I want to do it.”
“Oh my god.”
“Hey Ricky? Uh, it’s Gina? Gina Porter. Wow okay, I totally get it, this is very awkward to start at first.
“Um, I appreciate your apologies, but if you want to keep calling me to give them, or if you just wanted to keep calling at all, just to talk, I’m gonna have to lay down some ground rules.
“First, everything I said in my first call still applies. No talking about relationships and no making me feel bad, and no inviting me places.
“If we do this it’s just voicemails, nothing else. And no one knows. Not even Big Red, actually, especially not Big Red. And you know the only other close friend I’ve had is you, so, I’m not telling anyone either.
“I miss you because you were fun and you made me feel good. And your voicemails, no matter how stupid you always end up sounding in them, gave me that back. It was one of the first things that reminded me I made the right choice staying, that I had a reason to be here, and I deserved something constant in my life.
“If you can’t, thats fine, but I don’t want the drama, so, we’ll just call it even, I’ll forgive you and it’ll all be good.
“But I’m really looking forward to talking to you, Ricky. I hope you’ll tell me more about the flat tire you gave Red poor ugly orange car, because how you managed to do it all without him every knowing has actually been keeping me up at night.
Talk to you soon, Ricky. Bye.”
And suddenly, just like that, Rick Bowen is back in her life.
It starts out slowly, he calls again at the end of the week and she revels in the giggle on his voice as he retells the story she’s requested, and then resists the urge to call back immediately. When she finally does, it’s to laugh about something Miss Jenn said in rehearsal, and how crazy it is that they got so many new people to join after the mess of a show they put on in the fall.
It’s simple and quiet and doesn’t ask much of Gina’s ever changing feelings to get to hear Ricky’s voice every couple of days. She sees him at rehearsal but given their different roles they don’t interact much. She’ll watch him try to dance out of the corner of her eye and smile to herself (and EJ) but that’s it. And for the first time in a while, Gina feels content where she is.
She’s also not going to admit this out loud, but there’s something fun about keeping this all to herself, a little secret just between them.
(When the night is over, she’ll help Ashlyn wash the dinner dishes as they complain about homework they’ll both half heartedly do. She’ll climb the stairs to her room and when she flops onto her bed in exhaustion from the day, she’ll stare at the ceiling and count to ten before opening her phone and letting the day’s message wash over her, lulling into quiet contentment.)
“Gina, oh my god. I’m hiding in the dressing room at rehearsal right now because I’m trying on the costume I’m supposed to wear during the opening number. When you listen to this tonight you’ll unfortunately know exactly what I’m talking about, because I’m going to have to leave this room eventually and show the poor freshman who sewed it for me, the rest of the East High drama department, why I should never be allowed in tight white pants. Ever.
"But surprise, I saw the dress for you and it looks great. Not that I know much about costumes or dresses. But there’s a lot of feathers. Which makes sense, obviously.
"Anyway, was just working up the courage to leave. I’m imagining how you’ll laugh at me when I do, and that makes it kind of worth it. Let me know how your science test went when you call me later. Solely because I wanna know how it went and totally not because I’m looking for the answers. Duh.
"Okay, wish me luck.”
“Morning Ricky. I’m making cookies for a robotics club bake sale, which Ashlyn is supposed to be helping with but I haven’t heard a sound from her room yet the morning.
“I’m making chocolate chip and snickerdoodle, and not to brag but I think they have the power to singlehandedly fund the robotics trip to… Wherever they’re going, I’m not really sure, I usually tune Ash and Red out when they’re talking about it on the drive home.
“But anyway, my cookies, dude, they’re so good. I actually don’t think I’ve veer made them for you. If I have leftovers I’m bringing them to rehearsal so, don’t be late if you want one. But I have a feeling you’ll be late anyway.
“Um, lets see, what else do I have to share today… I told you about my new pillows I got for my bed yesterday, and the English project we got on Monday that I’m dreading. Remind me again, why I decided to come back to this school? The homework sucks.
“Oh, my mom says hi. You’re one of the only names she remembers out of everyone, so yeah. She says hi.
“Let’s see, is there anything else? … I think that’s it for m recap today so far, just baking. EJ’s going to start teaching me to drive this afternoon so, I’ll have plenty of stories to tell tomorrow.
“Okay, see ya Wildcat.”
“Hold on, Gina, what? EJ— EJ Caswell, is teaching you how to drive? What? Why?
Sorry, this is insane news to me, I couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Please do not die. Oh my god. You trust him? You’ve never driven before, you’re not terrified?
Okay, okay fine. EJ is a fine driver. But it’s EJ, Gina. Call me immediately when you’re done so I know you’re not dead.”
“I’m not dead. Goodnight Ricky.”
“Good morning, Gina! Got an A on my history paper, shit the bell just rang, I’m gonna be late to algebra, okay okay, um, more celebration later. Bye Gi.”
“Proud of you, Wildcat. I don’t think ou could have done it without me though, and the half hour of research I read to you through voicemail. You’re welcome. If there’s one thing I can do, it’s google search.
“And in exchange for all that hard work I so selflessly did for the sake of your suffering history grade, do you maybe want to do something for me?
“I’ve been dying to try the cupcakes from that bakery you’re talking about. I’ll send you a list of the ones I think we should try, and next week we’ll leave voicemails about our reviews. I don’t know, I thought it could be fun.
“Our paying though. You know my Venmo.
“Okay short voicemail tonight because I believe you have some lines to study, with that big promotion you got to angry mob man #2! See ya soon, Ricky.”
“These cupcakes are literally everything I had ever hoped they would be, Gina. Did you try yours yet? Because I had two of them, and oh my god.
“I mean they’re not as good as yours, but damn. A close second. The peanut butter one? Gina, it’s so good. And honestly I was nervous about the red velvet one because I usually don’t like red velvet, but I knew I could trust you. That frosting was a religious experience.
“I hit sugar overload, but I’m gonna try the last one you said to get tomorrow. I will be patiently waiting for your reviews, master chef.
“Unrelated but have you seen Ratatouille? If you haven’t I think it should be on the lost of things we watch because you’re literally a food expert Gina. God, is there anything you can’t do?”
“First of all, that flattery is getting you nowhere, Bowen. My youtube cupcakes are nowhere near the level of a professional bakery. That being said you’re right. These cupcakes were definitely worth the wait.
“I don’t think the red velvet was as good as you think it was but still delicious. I’d get the peanut butter again and I think instead of a cake for my birthday I’d just like a box full of the caramel ones. So good, Ricky.
“Second, I haven’t seen Ratatouille. But maybe you can expect a full review of it by Sunday.
“And there’s plenty of things I cannot do, I promise. But you’re very nice. See you at rehearsals, Wildcat. I hear we’re waltzing tomorrow. I’ll be bringing bubble wrap to protect myself from you. I fear there will be broken bones.”
“Okay, update, I’ve gone through two bags of frozen vegetables but my dad says my ankle’s not swollen anymore so we’ll be fine.
“I still don’t appreciate the bubble wrap comment because I think my dancing has greatly improved and me tripping over a candlestick is hardly an indication that it hasn’t. And no one else got injured, so, take that Porter.
“Thank you for helping me up when I fell. Literally and figuratively. You’re the best, Gina.
“I’ll be spending the rest of the night stuck on my couch and bored out of my mind, so please, feel free to send me as many voicemails as you’d like. You could read the dictionary out loud to me if you’d like.
No? Yes? Maybe? I just like hearing your voice Gina.”
“I’m not reading you the dictionary but I can give you the Ratatouille review you asked for. As long as you send me one back. I’m waiting up all night to live stream the robotics tournament that’s at like four am with the ridiculous time difference because I promised Ash I wouldn’t miss it.
“Plus I like hearing your voice too, Ricky.”
“Hey Gina, I know it’s the middle of the day, and I usually live a voicemail in the morning and ou send one at night but, I don’t know, delete it if this sounds dumb, but I just wanted to say I think you’re amazing.
“I was just like watching you dance today, you know, and you did this twirl in the middle of it and you got a little off balance, which I know the old Gina would have been mad about. Because you always told me how you grew up needing everything to be absolutely perfect, or it wasn’t good enough.
“But I saw you trip, and instead of trying to fix it right away, you just, laughed. Like, threw your head back and laughed. And this sounds crazy but I felt it, you know. I felt joy, in a way I never had before. Just because you laughed.
“You looked so amazing, your hair was bouncing and your skirt was still like, mid-twirl, and you were so happy. And I think, no, I know, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
“I’ve never been good at words, and I know our friendship didn’t have the best start, and we’re doing things kind of strangely now, but I am just, so so happy to have you in my life. Even like this. You just make things better Gina.”
“So?”
“So… what?”
“So did you never call him back or are you going on a date with him tomorrow night?” EJ throws his feet up on the couch next to Gina, as she scrolls through the romcoms on Netflix, deciding on something for them to watch, the night before Valentine’s day.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Do not tell me we’re playing this game again,” EJ sets a stern look at her, and she sighs, “How are things with you and angry mob man #3?”
“He’s actually #2 now, ever since that sophomore quit but—“
EJ chuckles.
“Stop it,” Gina yells, “Yes, I still call him, er, leave him voicemails.”
“How often?”
“Very often,” Gina sinks into her seat, “And at first I wasn’t proud of it, but things are going really well. I’ve had zero problems with it.”
“That’s good.”
“It is.”
“But…”
“But nothing. It’s really simple. That’s exactly what I wanted,” Gina says, “So that also means nothing about Valentine’s day.”
“Gina, if you’re talking to him every day—“
“I talk to you every day.”
“That’s different!”
“How?”
“It just is!”
“He has a girlfriend,” Gina insists, because that fact has kept all the feelings she has securely locked away, “We’re just talking because we’re good friends. And I’m afraid if I push things too quickly it’ll cause a mess in real life. Between us and Nini and you—“
“What about me?”
“You two still aren’t the biggest fans of each other. You should have heard the voicemail I got after I told him you were going to teach me how to drive.”
“You told him about that?” EJ sits up abruptly, eyes wide, and Gina laughs, “Oh my god, that’s why he was asking me about the safety features on my car.”
“Look, I just, am trying my best to keep everything the same,” Gina says, as she resumes scrolling through Netflix.
“I don’t know, Gina, maybe some things are meant to change,” EJ offers, hopefully.
“Like what?”
“Like maybe you should pick up this time.”
“What? No, no, first of all, I wouldn’t even know what to say,” Gina still scrolling absently, “And second, he doesn’t call at night, he calls—“
“You sure about that?”
Gina stops at the sound of EJ’s voice, and turns to see him holding up her phone, the screen lit up and displaying Ricky’s name.
“He already called once today.”
“Maybe it’s important.”
“I shouldn’t.”
“I think you should.”
Gina sits with her thoughts for the briefest of moments, considers what will happen if she starts tp put her feelings on the line for him to see again, a skill she’d taken to hiding ever since she returned.
But then, she takes the phone.
“You’re a terrible influence you know that, right?”
“I always wanted. Baby sister to get into trouble.”
And in true sibling fashion, she sticks her tongue out and races out of the living room and towards the front door, swings it open and stands on the porch, catches the gree ‘accept’ button on the last ring.
And then she says hello.
“Hey, Ricky.”
“Gina? Is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me,” she laughs, flinging more confidence than she really has, “What’s up?”
“Uh, you— you sure you wanted to answer, I mean—“
“Yeah, I figured you needed to talk. So, I’m here.”
“Oh, okay, yeah, yeah sure, uh…” she hears him scramble on the other end of the line, and laughs to herself lightly.
Isn’t it nice how some things change?
“Is everything okay?” She asks quietly.
“Yes? No? I don’t know,” Rick sighs, “I cannot really talk about it.”
“Why not?” Gina asks, “You can tell me anything.”
“It goes against one of your rules,” Ricky says, “So I don’t need to talk about it, really, but thought calling you might cheer me up.”
“Ricky,” she starts softly, “Those rules were stupid. If something’s wrong you can tell me, you know that.”
“Well what I have to say is stupid too, and I don’t want to upset you, because I really like talking to you.”
“Ricky…”
“It’s Nini,” he starts, and Gina wasn’t expecting it, but it hits her hard nonetheless, “We broke up.”
Oh?
“Oh,” she says, lamely, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be, it was— it wasn’t what it needed to be, our relationship, and we both knew it, I think?”
“That sounds very mature of you.”
“Very funny.”
“I mean it!”
“Well yeah, I mean, that’s why it’s stupid. Because I know getting back togather was a rush decision and it wasn’t good and things will be better if we start being just friends again, especially since she’s got into that music school in Denver, or whatever.”
Gina pauses while he does, then take a page from her annoying big brother EJ’s book, “But…”
“But I’m still really sad.”
“Ricky, that’s totally normal. Think about how much time you spent trying to win her back,” Gina starts, “And now it’s all over? It makes sense you’d be upset.”
“It’s so stupid, I didn’t even love her, er, no, I love her,” Ricky says, distraught, “But I wasn’t in love with her.”
“I know.”
“You knew?”
“Course I did, I spent all last fall with your pining dumbass,” Gina says, and is glad it earns her a small laugh from Ricky, “And I think it’s okay to be upset.”
“I’d probably be better if I weren’t sitting alone in my house right now.”
“You’re alone?”
“Well you know about my mom, and my dad’s got himself a date, I actually encouraged it, even though it weirds me out in ways I cannot verbalize that its with Miss Jenn.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah, I know, I forgot to mention that in my last call.”
She thinks about it for just a moment lets them linger in the silence, on the line, standing under the porch she told him off on a month ago. How things change.
“I can be there in 20 minutes.”
“What?”
“I can be there in 20 minutes,” she repeats, “Unless you have a problem with EJ driving me, although I heard you know all about his airbag system so, you should be fine.”
“Gina— what—“
“You’re right, you shouldn’t be alone,” Gina says, still somewhat convincing herself of the idea, “And I want to see you.”
“You really don’t have to.”
“I want to. I’m not arguing it anymore,” she says, already swinging the door open and stepping back inside, “I’ll see you in 20 minutes, Wildcat.”
She hangs up.
“Who are we seeing in 20 minutes?”
(When she gets in the car with EJ, she’ll listen to him tease her the entire way, she’ll say she owes him coffee for the rest of the month, she’ll tap her feet with a nervous giddy energy the entire ride. And she’ll be so glad, for the first time in her life, in the middle of this beautiful constant she’s been given, that something has changed.)
She runs out of the car faster than she knows how and knocks on the door.
She can’t fit the smile on her face when it opens.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Wildcat.”
“Gina I—“
Before she can overthink it anymore, she flings her arm around his neck and hugs him tight.
This feels right, it feels good, and whole, and grounding. His curly hair tickles her neck and his fingers dance at the small of her back, all while she squeezes him, holds him tight and lets every bit of breath in her lungs, for the first time in a while, exhale.
“Thank you, Gina.”
“For what?”
“Everything.”
“You’re welcome,” she hugs him tighter “I missed you.”
“I missed you more, I think.”
“You sure? Because I don’t know, I called you about algebra homework,” She leans back juts a little, with a smile, “It was getting pretty desperate on my end.”
“I’d listen to you say anything, Gina, really,” Ricky says, “You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever had in my life. I mean it.”
“I know,” she nods, “Thank you.”
He smiles.
“So,” she says, stepping back and nodding to EJ’s car in the driveway, “You wanna eat bad pizza and sugary ice cream while we watch cheesy rom coms and hate Valentine’s day in peace?”
“Sounds like fun.”
“That’s the spirit, Bowen!” Gina starts down off the step by Ricky’s front door while he locks it, “Do you wanna sit in the middle seat in the back row, I hear thats the safest place in the car. Wouldn’t want you to die at the hands of EJ on the steering wheel.”
“Shut up.”
“You just got me back, Wildcat,” she turns at him and smiles, backing up down the driveway to wards the car slowly, “I’m never shutting up again.”
And the smile he sends her after that, is worth every penny of her extensive phone bill over the last month.