Archive of Our Own ^beta

He ran through the hallway as fast as he could, feeling how much his chest was hurting.

Feeling how something seemed to be crawling out of his throat.

He held back a cough, grasping his shirt with one hand.

He barged into the restroom, the door opening so quickly that he could’ve gone through it as well. He entered the first stall that he saw, bending over as soon as he entered, and then it happened.

He coughed, he panted, he choked up, and finally, he threw up. He let himself fall on his knees as he took out some petals that seemed to be stuck inside of his mouth, making him gag. His vision was teary, and so it took him a moment to properly see the nenuphar that laid in the toilet. For being his first one, it was strangely big. Not more than his own closed fist and it still could fit in the palm of his hand, but it still was big.

He cleared his throat, feeling how it itched, but being unable to relieve it. His breathing was irregular and shaky, and he ended up coughing once more.

Feeling extremely exhausted, he rested his forehead on his arm, trying to calm down. He didn’t know why... 

Well, no, he knew why. He just hadn’t realized it yet, and he had to find out in the worst way possible.

As he sat there, thoughts racing through his mind, he heard someone softly knocking on the door of the open stall he was in.

Oh no.

He hadn’t realized there was someone there, and it was pretty useless to try and hide it now, so he simply turned, leaning on one of the walls of the stalls.

Kouda was staring at him, a worried expression on his face.

“...a-are you o-okay…?” he whispered, seemingly unsure of what to do.

“...yes. Everything is just… wonderful…” answered Tokoyami, letting his head fall backwards.

“...d-do you w-want to… talk about it?” asked Kouda, handing his friend a water bottle.

Tokoyami thanked him for the drink, and quickly opened it, downing half of it in one gulp, under the watchful eye of Kouda, who sat down right next to him on the bench.

“...thank you, I was in need of something like this,” said Tokoyami as he held the bottle in his hands. After staring at it for a moment, he finally spoke up: “I do not really know what “it” is. I just… I am being made aware of my feelings right now,” he admitted, taking another sip right away.

“...it’s Tsuyu, isn’t it?”

“...The nenuphar was pretty telling, was it not?”

They kept quiet for a moment.

“...w-what will y-you do…?”

“I really do not know… I did not think I... I mean, you discovered it at the same time as I, so…” he clicked his tongue, leaving his sentence in the air.

“...s-so it just s-started… then?”

“Affirmative.”

“...huh…”

There was a moment of silence as neither of them knew what to say.

“...my throat is hurting less, thank you yet again.”

“...i-it’s nothing, r-really…”

“I owe you one.”

“...t-there’s no n-need…!”

“...please. Allow me to have something to look forward to.”

Tokoyami’s voice suddenly sounded… desperate.

“...o-oh, uhm… Y-Yeah, of course.”

And Kouda forced a smile.

He knew how scared Tokoyami must be.

He…

“...may I ask… Have you also gone through this?”

His question caught Kouda off guard, and so it took him a moment to answer. But then he nodded.

“...f-first year here…” he started to say, as he brought his hands to his collar to unbutton his shirt, “...i… i started coughing up… violets…”

A very light scar laid on his chest, so light in fact that it took Tokoyami a moment to spot it. It had healed extremely well.

“...I see. Jirou?” Kouda nodded as he started to button up his shirt once more. “I did not know about it.”

“...n-nobody did. Y-You’re the first one I told a-about it… A-Aside from my m-mom, of… of course.” 

“Oho? Is that so? Then, I must admit that I am honoured.” 

“...r-right…”

There was a moment of silence. As he thought of something to say so that it would be less awkward, Tokoyami finished his drink, crushing the bottle in his hands after he did.

“...w-what will you d-do?” quietly asked Kouda, quickly glancing at him.

“I… I have to admit that I… I really do not know. I will try to get over it, I suppose,” shrugged Tokoyami. As he didn’t receive an answer, he turned to face Kouda, “...may I assume it did not work for you…?”

Kouda opened his mouth, thinking of some words of encouragement he could mutter, but promptly gave up and, after closing his mouth, he shook his head no.

“...w-well, I tried… M-Maybe you’ll b-be luckier?”

“...perhaps.”

After thinking about it a moment, Kouda gently tapped Tokoyami’s shoulder.

“...t-the sign for “flower”,” he said, signing the word as he said it, “...i-if you need m-my help and y-you don’t want t-to s-say it outloud, c-catch my a-attention and d-do it, s-so I’ll know w-what is g-going on.”

“Why, thank you,” Tokoyami mimicked the motion. “Like this?”

“...y-yes! P-Perfect.”

His enthusiasm made Tokoyami smile. It was still a tired smile, but it was at least something.

“Thank you again,” he leaned on the bench. “...the others must be waiting for me, as I left in such a hurry. However… I do not wish to go back there. At least not yet. What will you be doing?”

Before answering, Kouda took out his phone, fidgeted with it for a second and, after a satisfied nod, he put it back in his pocket.

“...i-i just t-told Satou t-to not wait for me. W-We were going t-to the l-library, b-but it’s n-not urgent. I-I can stay w-with you i-if you want.”

And, despite feeling somewhat guilty for ruining his friend’s plans, Tokoyami couldn’t help it but feel relieved.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“...it’s n-nothing…”

“...so… Could you, perhaps, tell me more about yours? Sorry if it is a touchy subject… But you are the only person that I know who suffered the same fate as I am currently suffering… Nobody really talks about this sort of… stuff, I guess.”

“...y-yeah, if that’s w-what you want… T-There’s no problem.” Kouda cleared his throat, “...i-i actually d-don’t know w-what to say, heh... u-uhm, it was J-Jirou…?”

“Was it because of your practical exam last year?”

Kouda nodded.

“...i-i’m not really u-used to people… b-believing in me o-or cheering me up… S-So what she did r-really meant something. M-Maybe a bit too m-much,” he let out a soft chuckle. “...d-doesn’t take me m-much to f-fall for someone i-it s-seems…”

“I am not one acquainted with those types of subjects, so I do not think I can give you a good opinion I am afraid.”

“...d-don’t worry…”

“And… You had them removed?”

Another nod.

“May I ask why?”

Kouda’s expression turned dire.

[Have you seen me?] he signed, the words too difficult for him to try and speak, “...i-i didn’t… i d-don’t stand a c-chance…”

“Wha-Why?”

Kouda just stared at him, frowning.

“...w-why what?”

“Why did you not stand a chance?”

“...y-you’re j-j-joking, right?”

Tokoyami tilted his head in confusion.

“I do not think so?”

“...w-well…” with a sigh, Kouda motioned to himself, “...i a-am certainly not… J-Jirou’s type… o-or anybody e-else’s…”

It was Tokoyami’s turn to frown, until it seemingly dawned on him.

“Oh, do you mean that because of your mutation?” Kouda cringed when hearing those words, “Sorry! Sorry, I did not mean to hurt you. But, uhm, if it serves you… Have you seen me ?”

And Kouda shrugged sadly.

“You and I have the same chances at love, which may be less than others may have, but at least they are not non-existent. I think.”

“...a-at least y-you are cool…”

“I am our class’s mockery, Kouda. No one takes me seriously. Even less with my… Erhm, “likings”.”

“...i-i think you’re c-cool…”

“Then allow me to thank you for thinking so.”

They shared a half-smile when suddenly, Tokoyami started to cough. Kouda was quick to react and started to pat his back until a lonely and pale petal escaped from Tokoyami’s throat, falling miserably to the floor.

“...f-fuck…” muttered Tokoyami, wiping his beak with his forearm. “I have never felt such an unpleasant feeling… Although I have to admit it, the first one was way worse.”

“...i-i’ve read that t-the first i-is usually l-like that… Y-Your nexts will b-be more b-bearable f-for some time, but… I-It’ll g-get worse…”

Tokoyami nodded absently, staring at the petal that was at his feet.

“...w-will you… g-get the operation…?” softly asked Kouda.

“I do not think I have a chance with her...” muttered Tokoyami, bitter. Kouda listened to him in silence, “But, I do not wish to get those flowers out like that… I think that I will be able to overcome those feelings of mine. How hard can it be…?”

Kouda kept himself from making any comments. Unless Asui reciprocated his friend’s feelings, there weren’t lots of other options. Of course, he could get them surgically removed, but as he didn’t want to do so, it was out of the way, and getting over her? Not likely.

“...f-feeling better?”

“...yes, thank you. It has just started and I already despise it.”

“...y-yeah..:”

“But I better get used to it, yes?”

Before Kouda could answer, a group of first year students appeared, having just turned around the corner of class’ 2-A dormitories, walking in a bee-line to the vending machine. Both Kouda and Tokoyami kept quiet, only nodding when the more polite student of the group explained that the vending machine of their dorms was broken, asking to use theirs.

Neither of them cared to listen to the group’s conversation, and Tokoyami just stared at the empty plastic bottle he was still holding. Thinking he probably looked stupid with the crushed bottle in his hands, he got up to throw it in the nearest trashcan there was, the one next to the vending machine. As they waited for their snacks to fall, the group glanced at him, whispering something between themselves but Tokoyami ignored them; he was used to it, and sincerely? He had worse problems in mind.

He let himself fall next to Kouda once more, letting out a sigh. Kouda gave him a worried look, but he couldn’t find the strength within himself to speak up with those students there. But, when they finally left, chatting loudly, and when their voices finally faded out, Kouda dared to speak:

“...e-everything o-okay?”

“...Honestly? It could be better, but I really cannot complain… Knowing my current state, of course.”

“...y-yeah…”

“It is terrible, is it not? I feel as if I could die tomorrow…”

“...h-hey, don’t t-think that! L-Let’s go do s-something, o-okay?”

Tokoyami flashed him a tired smile.

“...alright, what do you have in mind?”

Kouda’s room was… soft. It was pretty well lit, the windows wide open to let the air circulate freely in and out the room as the curtains moved gently and slowly when that happened. 

“Uhm, s-sit wherever y-you want,” said Kouda as he closed the door behind him.

“...right, thank you.”

Tokoyami briefly thought about taking a seat on his friend’s bed, but he ended up sitting at his desk, crossing his legs under him. Kouda did sit on his bed -which wasn’t really something out of the ordinary- and flashed his friend a small smile, which Tokoyami imitated without knowing what else to do. 

He started to inadvertently look around, the photographs on the walls, the plushies on the bed, the books on the desk… It was very… soft. There really wasn’t a better word for it. It was very childlike and cutesy.

He turned to face Kouda when he started to hear a soft tapping sound. Kouda had placed one of his plushies, a teddy bear, on his lap, half-hugging it, and he was unconsciously tapping his feet on the floor. Tokoyami arched what would have been his eyebrow, although it really wasn’t very visible.

“Nervous?” he asked.

Kouda jumped in his seat, and gave his friend an awkward smile.

“S-Sorry, not used to, uhm, p-people in my room…” he then explained, lowering his gaze to avoid his friend’s and to stare at his plushie.

“Ah, yes, I can relate to that. Even if some time has already passed, not many dare to enter my lair.”

Kouda answered his friend’s words with an agreeing hum. 

They mostly sat in silence, checking things on their phones as they let time pass. And Kouda really didn’t mind it. What was important now was that Tokoyami was fine, as awkward as it was to have someone in his room. Really, he wasn’t used to it, and the reason as to why he had invited someone over wasn’t the most ideal situation. He discreetly glanced over to his friend, worry probably showing in his eyes. As he had told him before, he knew what it was to feel that way, and even if Tokoyami was stronger and more confident than himself, it ought to be a scary thing to happen.

Kouda tried to think of something to say. He had said that they could go to his room to do something, although they really weren’t doing anything special. At least Tokoyami was more relaxed, so that was what counted, but he still felt pretty stupid to have proposed that plan which really wasn’t a plan and…

He was overthinking. He didn’t need to do it. He was friends with Tokoyami, and he was helping him, even if he wasn’t doing much. That was enough.

Kouda hugged his plush tighter and focused back on his phone. He really wasn’t used to having people over.

Meanwhile, Tokoyami was just refreshing the different apps on his phone, not really knowing what else to do. He had realized that Kouda was somewhat uncomfortable, but, as selfish as it may sound, he didn’t want to leave him. What was good about Kouda was that his sole presence was so calming and nobody else in his class was like that.

Aside from Asui.

...fuck.

Maybe that was why he liked her? He remembered that, during the different practical exams they had together, he was able to think more clearly thanks to her. Once she had told him that it was because she had a little brother and a little sister, and she liked to take care of them, and she was used to calm them down, and to help them with homework and…

He should stop thinking about her, he wasn’t helping his case. 

Tokoyami almost jumped from the chair when he felt something rubbing against his leg, only to realise that it was Yuwai, Kouda’s pet. The rabbit was staring at him with her big, black, shiny eyes, and her nose twitched a couple of times.

“...s-she wants y-you to pet her…” muttered Kouda, having noticed Tokoyami’s mood shift. 

“...oh.”

With an indecisive hand, Tokoyami reached out to Yuwai and started to gently scratch her head, being as careful as he could to not hurt her or anything.

After a moment, the small animal seemed satisfied and stepped back, nodded twice towards Tokoyami, and finally turned around to jump on the bed next to Kouda. Tokoyami stared at the little ball of white fur for a moment, thinking that he hadn’t saw her when he first came in, and he now was wondering where she had come from, when Kouda snapped his fingers to catch his attention.

“Yes?”

“...a-are you alright?”

The question had caught him slightly off guard, he had to be honest.

“Why?”

“...u-uhm, well…” Kouda reached out to pet Yuwai, who pressed her little head against the palm of his hand, “...Yuwai is… s-somewhat of a s-service animal? S-She helps me w-with my panic attacks a-and anxiety and…”

“Ah. I see,” he stared at the rabbit for a moment, and he could’ve sworn that she looked back at him with knowing eyes. “Well, she is good.”

To his surprise, Kouda let out a laughter, which he quickly tried to hide by covering his mouth.

“...i-i’m so s-sorry, i… i didn’t mean to…” quickly apologized Kouda, visibly embarrassed.

“...oh, no, no, it is nothing. I am… glad to have made you laugh.”

Kouda nodded, still feeling pretty guilty to have laughed at such an inappropriate moment. He was supposed to make Tokoyami feel better, not laugh at him. Yuwai pushed his hand again, obviously trying to get him to calm down as he was starting to worry more than needed.

Maybe Tokoyami was abusing a bit too much his friend’s kindness. Kouda was clearly very uncomfortable and nervous and Tokoyami could probably just go spend the rest of the day locked in his room, probably throwing up petals from time to time. Speaking of which, he now needed a bucket for that, didn’t he? It was absolutely disgusting to think about, but he would rather have it than just… stain his bed or whatever. 

However, just thinking about it made his throat start hurting. It was like tiny, little claws were scratching the back of his throat, incessantly. Before he realized it, he already had one of his hands grasping the collar of his shirt, not knowing how to deal with that strange feeling.

“A-Are you okay? Can I do anything? D-Do you need anything?” Kouda quickly jumped to his feet, hands shaking as he didn’t know what to do.

Tokoyami shook his head, not wanting to force his voice. Kouda quickly caught on, and did the sign for flower, worried eyes staring intently at Tokoyami. The latter nodded, and it was enough for Kouda to quickly scan his room until he found a water bottle he had. It was half-empty, but he just hoped that it would be enough for his friend. After handing it to Tokoyami, he crouched next to him, waiting for anything that would show that he was better.

Drinking and eating in front of others wasn’t something Tokoyami really enjoyed doing, but right now, the need to drink was stronger than anything, so he tried his best to ignore Kouda and tried to avoid making a fool of himself. He downed the rest of the water bottle in one gulp, and even if he still splattered some on his shirt, at least his discomfort went away.

“...better?” asked Kouda. When Tokoyami nodded, he quickly got to his feet and stepped back. “I’m sorry, I… Don’t wanna b-bother…”

“No. It is nothing.”

Kouda nodded a couple of times and then awkwardly sat back down on his bed, Yuwai snuggling up against his leg. Tokoyami could feel how the tension had been rising in the room, and he thought that it probably was time for him to go. So, he cleared his throat, although he quickly regretted doing so because Kouda shot him a worried look. Tokoyami lifted his hands in front of him, trying to calm him down.

“I am okay, I am alright,” he explained, “I was just thinking that I probably should get going, I do not want to abuse your hospitality.”

For a moment, Kouda felt obliged to tell him no, that it wasn’t needed. But, he also wanted to be finally left alone, as selfish as it may sound. He knew that he couldn’t really help his friend but offer him a shoulder to rest on if he needed it.

Watching him struggle, Tokoyami took the hint. And, even if he felt a little bit hurt, he understood well why Kouda was probably feeling that way.

He finally stood up, Kouda doing the same as soon as he saw him. Tokoyami flashed him the resemblance of a smile.

“I… Thank you for your help and support, and…” he doubted for a second, “...will it be okay if I were to look for you whenever I… Y-You know.”

Kouda quickly nodded, and after giving it some thought, he lifted his hands, making the sign for “flower”. Relief washed over Tokoyami’s, and as he mimicked the sign, his smile widened ever so slightly.

“I thank you for that.”

Tokoyami lied in his bed, room filled with dim lights and a bucket he had taken from the laundry room on the floor next to him. He was breathing in and out slowly, listening to himself. Dark Shadow was curled up at his feet, motionless. Tokoyami knew they weren’t sleeping as it wasn’t something they really could do, but they were too nervous to get back into their host’s body. Deep down, Tokoyami could feel their worry, a minuscule yet bothersome spine that dug in deep into his stomach. And he knew that they were ready to jump at the first sign of problems despite trying to appear so indifferent.

He took another deep breath, trying to fall asleep. However, he couldn’t. With each breath, he believed he was hearing something deep inside his lungs, something rummaging in there, something moving inside. It was strange. It was awkward. He wanted to cough to maybe get rid of that, but deep down he knew that it would only lead to a coughing fit and he didn’t want to do so.

He just wanted to sleep. It had just started, so why…

Why was it already so unbearable?

He tossed and turned in his bed, wanting to sleep. He tried to think about what Kouda had told him, what they had spoken about, but his thoughts ran towards something else, fast and wild.

He pressed his hands against his eyes when Asui came to his mind. Her kind features, her round and shiny eyes, her long and flowy hair, her everything.

And, before he knew it, he was leaning over the side of his bed and started to violently cough into the damn bucket he had been right to bring.

“Tokoyami? Is everything alright, ribbit?”

Tokoyami quickly lifted his head from his desk, panic rushing through every part of his body. He had had so much trouble falling asleep last night that he had woken up later than usual, he ended up getting late to class -which actually was great, because he was able to skip the small talk everyone kept before the teacher arrived, so he could avoid any direct questions-, but he had also almost fallen asleep more than once because he was, understandably, tired. But now the person he least wanted to see was standing in front of his desk, a worried expression on her face.

“O-Oh, hello, how are you? Is something… w-wrong?” he managed to ask, rubbing the palm of his hands against his pants.

“Yesterday you suddenly left in a hurry, ribbit. What happened?”

“Oh, it uhm, it was really nothing, I just… Did not feel too good…”

“Are you feeling better now?”

“...yes, do not worry.”

Asui tilted her head to one side, staring intently at him, which only made him more nervous. He was also starting to feel that god awful tingling sensation in his throat, but he didn’t know if he was just imagining it or if it was those petals again.

“Tokoyami?”

“...u-uhm, Toko… Tokoyami?”

To both Asui’s and Tokoyami’s surprise, they found Kouda standing there, fidgeting nervously as he waited for an answer.

“A-Ah, uh, y-yes?” finally muttered Tokoyami.

“...occupied?”

“...No, it’s nothing, ribbit. I’ll leave you to it,” Asui smiled at Kouda, and after shooting one last worried glance at Tokoyami, she turned around and walked away.

Tokoyami watched her go, letting out a small sigh. He had lied before. Asui was definitely not the person he least wanted to see. In fact, she was probably the one he wanted to see the most. But the small squeeze he felt in his chest was enough to indicate to him that he probably shouldn’t think about that.

He shook his head ever so slightly and turned to look at Kouda.

“...Thank you.”

Kouda waved a hand in front of him, dismissing his words. He would have wanted to say something else, but he didn’t know what, so he simply asked him how he was.

“I am… Let us say that I cannot complain very much,” Tokoyami shrugged. “I had some trouble falling asleep so now I only wish to get back to my room to sleep.”

“Did you… U-Uhm…” after looking around him quickly, Kouda did the sign for flower.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Kouda’s expression turned slightly sour, and Tokoyami could only wonder if his own eyes looked somber. 

“You… Don’t worry t-too much w-when with her…” said Kouda. “I-It’ll only be worse…”

“Understood.”

Kouda gave him a small smile and after hesitating for a moment, he reached out to him and awkwardly patted his shoulder and went back to his desk. Tokoyami let his head rest on his desk, still unable to focus on anything that wasn’t the rumbling he thought he heard deep within him.

He should probably follow Kouda’s advice. Right now he was only going to worry everyone if he kept acting like that. Asui had already caught on that there was something wrong and she was the last person he wanted to know. She was usually pretty persistent, and if she wanted to know something, she would insist until she was satisfied. Now he had been saved by Kouda, but he was sure that she had noticed something.

Tokoyami lifted his head and after crossing his arms on top of his desk, he rested his head on them, now being able to look around him. He realized that some of his friends were looking at him, so he nodded towards them with a smile, seeing how their mood lightened as they waved at him. Finally, he dared to glance at Asui, although the latter was occupied talking with Uraraka. At least that allowed him to look at her for a little more, amazed by how wonderful she was when she laughed with her friends.

He wondered if he actually stood a chance. It would certainly be nice, something good to look forward to. He felt his chest squeezing and he had to hold his breath for a moment but he was able to hold back the cough that was fighting to get out of his throat.

He could do it.

He was sure of it.

Tokoyami snapped out of his thoughts when he realized that Asui was looking back at him, and he gave her a little wave, slightly uncertain of his actions. But, after a moment, she waved back at him, which made his heart jump in his chest, although now it was a more pleasant feeling than before. 

“...m-maybe?” said Kouda, shifting in his seat, pretty awkward.

They were, once again, in Kouda’s room. As Kouda was the only one who knew about Tokoyami’s state, Tokoyami had decided to directly ask him about his chances of ending with Asui. Understandably, Kouda was pretty taken aback, as he wasn’t one who really knew about all of that.

“What do you think would happen if I were to ask her on a date?”

“...i-i don’t know?”

“If she says no, would I get worse?”

“...p-probably?”

“Then it is perhaps better to not try it. Besides, I would not know how to actually ask her, or what to do. I do not really know my way around those situations.”

“...m-me neither…”

“Have you asked someone out already, Kouda?”

Kouda glanced at him, confused.

“...n-no?”

“Why?”

“W-We already spoke a-about it… I’m not really… I-I don’t know, h-handsome or a-anything?”

“This again? I still cannot understand why you say so...” muttered Tokoyami, making the swivel chair swing from side to side.

He had realized that Kouda wouldn’t really change his mind that easily so he thought that it would be best to only say that and let it go. Besides, he wasn’t about to start a fight for something so trivial.

However, the loud and annoyed sigh that Kouda let out was enough to bring him back.

“What?”

Kouda shot him an apologetic look, which clearly meant that he didn’t expect his sigh to be that loud.

“N-Nothing…”

“Well, if you say so…” Tokoyami shrugged and went back to swinging from side to side. He even dared to spin when Kouda spoke up.

“I-It’s just…” he stopped and after looking at Tokoyami for a moment, he looked down at his hands: “...I-I don’t know…”

“You can take your time if you wish to do so.”

Kouda nodded fervently, but he was clearly growing more nervous by the minute. 

“I-I… Uhm, y-you asked, a-and… I don’t… I-I don’t like m-myself. I-I never r-really did, b-but, uhm, t-the surgery to get… r-rid of the f-flowers d-didn’t help… I-I think,” he looked at Tokoyami, trying to determine if it had been a mistake to say that.

He didn’t know why he had said that. But, in a way, he thought that it was only fair to tell Tokoyami the answer to the question he had asked more than once. He knew something secret, something private about Tokoyami, his actual condition, so Kouda could admit something to him.

So, now they were even.

“...a-and, I d-don’t know, I don’t t-think a-anyone actually find m-me attractive, s-so there’s also t-that…”

“May I welcome you to the club then,” laughed Tokoyami, and then tapped his beak a couple of times with a finger: “Not a lot of people will find me attractive, as we spoke the other day, so what you said is something I can relate to.”

Kouda shrugged. He obviously disagreed with that, but he knew that if he tried to tell Tokoyami otherwise, the latter would keep insisting that Kouda himself was good-looking. And not only was he not in the mood for that, but he didn’t want to make it all about himself when it was, in fact, Tokoyami the one who was suffering. 

He blinked, and the moment he did, he found Tokoyami just inches away from his face, staring at him.

“...w-wha…” muttered Kouda, staring back at him in surprise and confusion.

“You do have pretty eyes, you know?” said Tokoyami after thinking for a moment. “Even if you do not believe me when I say you are attractive, at least allow me to persuade you that you have really beautiful eyes.”

“...h-huh…”

Kouda blinked again, starting to blush. However, he didn’t move, and only when Tokoyami leaned backwards, the swivel chair rolling away, Kouda let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“So?” asked Tokoyami.

“...I-... o-okay...?” cautiously answered Kouda, trying to determine what had just happened.

After flashing him another smile, Tokoyami focused on spinning on Kouda’s chair, thinking that he should probably get one for his room.

Meanwhile Kouda just watched him with wide eyes, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Tokoyami let out a groan when Ojiro threw him on the ground, but he was quick to get back on his feet, calling Dark Shadow back to his side. The creature had to wait in the background as they couldn’t swoop in to save their host being so close to their adversary. If usually Dark Shadow could be compared with a cat, with their purr and mischievous actions, the way that the darkness on their body now moved resembled more the scales of a snake, feeling that was only highlighted with the hiss they let out, longer and higher than their usual one. Their body also slowly moved from side to side in a menacent way that made Ojiro quite uncomfortable.

In answer to that, Ojiro swung his tail against the ground, leaving a marking as it hit the ground. Tokoyami smirked. It was on.

They started at each other in silence, but it was Ojiro who made the first move, jumping towards his rival as he propelled himself in the air, changing his posture as he did so his tail was directed forward, ready to hit his adversary. However, Tokoyami waited, and just when Ojiro was close enough to the ground and before he could touch Tokoyami, the latter used Dark Shadow to send himself in the air, right above Ojiro, and with a swift motion, he ordered the creature to slam their adversary onto the ground. 

But, they had waited too much, and Ojiro was able to roll on the ground, avoiding Dark Shadow’s gigantic claw by a hair. He then wrapped his tail around the creature’s claw, pulling it alongside him, and making them lose balance. Dark Shadow let out a surprised yelp that resonated inside of Tokoyami, making him lose concentration for a moment and almost missing his landing.

Sorry , he thought, quickly realizing that it was Dark Shadow.

He shook his head, trying to focus.

The gymnasium was pretty well illuminated, so his quirk wasn’t at their full capacity. Ojiro had caught on that and was able to restrain Dark Shadow under him, pulling his head backwards as the creature snapped their mouth? beak? the void they had for mouth at him, trying to furiously get rid of him. And that was Tokoyami’s chance.

He used Dark Shadow so much that sometimes people completely forgot about him and focused way too much on the creature. So, after taking a couple of steps back, Tokoyami ran towards them. His safer bet was to attack the tail, as it wasn’t doing anything, Ojiro using his arms to restrain Dark Shadow. One would say that the tail was the last thing he had to think about, but even if he couldn’t get him off Dark Shadow, the surprise would be enough to loosen the grip on his quirk.

At least, Tokoyami hoped so.

However, when he got next to them, the tail moved ever so slightly, and Tokoyami realized that that must have been Ojiro’s plan all along, trying to get him to make that mistake. Alright, change of plan.

His eyes quickly scanned their adversary and he had to hold back a chuckle. He could work with that. Instead of trying to get ahold of the tail, Tokoyami made a last minute jump, sliding an arm under one of Ojiro’s, and as Ojiro did somewhat release his grip on Dark Shadow, the latter quickly forgot about trying to bite their adversary’s head off and focused on getting some of his strength back into their host’s body, giving him enough so they could lift Ojiro and shove him aside. It was Ojiro’s turn to let out a grunt as he hit the ground, although he got back up as soon as he could, with the help of his tail.

Facing each other again, they got back into position, getting ready to attack and…

“That’s it! Enough for today.”

As soon as they heard Aizawa’s voice, they snapped out of their training, allowing themselves to take the deep and tired breathing they had been holding back to not show any weakness in front of their adversary, and then, closing the distance between them, they shook hands.

“Man, Dark Shadow sure is scary,” chuckled Ojiro, eyeing the creature until they got back into their host’s body.

“They try their best, I assure you,” answered Tokoyami. “You also almost caught me. If I had not been more attentive, I would have fallen for your trap.”

“Unfortunately I got impatient, sorry.”

They want back to meet with their peers, who were praising them for their fight. Tokoyami simply bowed his head, trying to stay as humble as he could, while Ojiro awkwardly rubbed his neck, not really used to that much attention. For half a second, Tokoyami considered sitting next to Asui, but the moment his eyes met hers, he had to clench his teeth as hard as he gagged, trying to make it as less visible as possible. He felt a couple of petals in his mouth, but he couldn’t exactly do anything as he was in front of everyone.

He quickly looked for Kouda, and walked up to him, panic filling his eyes as he felt the urge to cough once again, and if he did, everyone would be able to see the petals, as he didn’t think he could hold them back.

He waved at Kouda, and when he had his attention, he signed the word “flower”.

“...a-ah! N-Need water?” asked Kouda, getting up from the bench he was sitting on. As Tokoyami nodded, and Kouda nodded back: “...w-wanna go to the w-water f-fountain?” and Tokoyami nodded once again. Kouda took a deep breath and, to Tokoyami and everyone else’s surprise, he spoke up: “M-Mister A-A-Aizawa? W-We’re g-g-going t-to the f-fountain.”

“Alright, try to not take too much, we still haven’t finished,” said Aizawa, before turning to Aoyama and Kirishima to ask them to step on the training grounds to fight.

Kouda grabbed Tokoyami by the arm and dragged him along, as Tokoyami was having trouble reacting as he was too focused on not coughing or gagging or breathing too hard. They got out of the gymnasium and to the water fountain that was just outside and -luckily for them- out of sight from their classmates. Tokoyami leaned on the water fountain, trying to calm down as he felt his insides reverberating. During the fight with Ojiro he had had to focus a lot on not throwing up, although the adrenaline made it easy to forget about the pain.

Kouda placed an unsure but comforting hand on his friend’s back, giving him a little rub.

“...t-tra… sh… c-can…” panted Tokoyami, bringing a hand to his beak as to not spit on the fountain.

Surprisingly enough, Kouda understood him, and brought him the closest little trash can there was in the hallway. Tokoyami took it with a thankful nod and coughed up the petals that had been piling up in his mouth. 

Kouda watched him with a worried expression, not knowing what to do despite knowing how bad that felt. Feeling his gaze on him, Tokoyami lifted his head:

“...c-come on,” he muttered, trying to flash him a smile, “d-don’t look at me like that…”

“...s-sorry…”

Tokoyami opened his beak to speak but he felt the urge to gag once more, and well, so he did. However the petal got stuck on his tongue and he had to stick out his tongue as much as he could -which, with his beak, wasn’t exactly a lot- to pick it between two fingers. The nenuphar petal was covered in saliva and, yes, it was as gross as it sounded.

Realizing that Kouda was staring at him, Tokoyami promptly apologized, throwing the petal in the trash can.

“...n-no, don’t… don’t worry…” managed to say Kouda, looking away as he rubbed a finger against his nose, slight blush covering his cheeks.

Tokoyami left the trash can on the ground and leaned over the water fountain so he could rinse his mouth. Believe it or not, the flowers tasted terribly.

“...h-how…” started Kouda, “...h-how were y-you able t-to fight w-with… u-uhm…?”

Tokoyami spat out the water.

“...I do not really know, I suppose that I had a burst of energy and adrenaline, so it masked the pain? Perhaps?”

Kouda nodded along.

“...y-you, uhm, you fought r-really well…”

“Why, thank you.”

Coming from Kouda, Tokoyami knew that the compliment was genuine, so it was quite pleasant to say the least.

“...y-you’re better n-now?” quietly asked Kouda, placing a hand on Tokoyami’s shoulder as he leaned over to drink some water.

Tokoyami nodded.

“Yes, thank you. I think we can go back. Although…” he stopped for a moment, “...be ready to answer some questions, dear Kouda, as everyone seemed to be quite surprised when you spoke up.”

Color drained from Kouda’s face as it dawned on him, but he managed to shrug.

“...y-you needed help…” he muttered as they started walking.

“And I owe you one for that. Perhaps I could do the talking?”

And Kouda nodded so fervently that Tokoyami couldn’t help but laugh.

He let out a yawn that made Uraraka snort.

“Didn’t sleep well?” she asked, holding back another chuckle.

“No, and I do not know why it seems so… hilarious.”

“It’s funny watching you yawn, sorry.”

Tokoyami rolled his eyes but tried his best to not yawn yet again. As always, he had had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night and now he was paying the price. It really wasn’t his fault, at least not entirely. It was just troublesome trying to fall asleep with petals filling his throat, what could he say.

He flipped through his history book, trying to focus on the words, but they were blurry and mixed with each other so much that he had to look away, blinking furiously.

Lovely.

He was in the common room with some of his classmates, Uraraka, Todoroki and Shouji, and they were all trying to study, at least a little bit. However, the only two that were actually working were Todoroki and Shouji; Tokoyami was struggling to stay awake and Uraraka was having way too much fun teasing Tokoyami.

Absolutely lovely.

Tokoyami looked back at his book, scratching the page rhythmically as he thought. He felt a rumbling in his chest, different from the one Dark Shadow made, which he had learned -the hard way- that it was from the damned petals. If at first he had been able to live without thinking about them too much, now it was almost impossible to not think about them. He quickly shook his head, trying to think of something else.

He could think, for example, about his damned lesson.

But of course, he couldn’t focus, and it didn’t take him long to yawn again, making Uraraka snort again.

“It is not funny, for Heaven’s sake!” grumbled Tokoyami.

“It’s a bit funny, ribbit.”

Tokoyami’s heart skipped a beat.

“Oh hi Tsuyu! Come, come here!” said Uraraka as she patted the seat next to her.

“...H-Hello,” managed to mutter Tokoyami, feeling his face heating up.

“Hi hi everyone, ribbit.”

The other two also greeted her, although they were much more focused on their work than the rest. However, Shouji did form another eye, who stared at Tokoyami for some reason. Tokoyami motioned for him to stop, but the only thing the eye did was slowly blink.

“You didn’t sleep well, Tokoyami?” asked Asui, having sat down and swinging her legs as she didn’t touch the floor.

“I…”

“That’s also what I asked him but he got mad at me for some reason!” whined Uraraka.

“I had some trouble falling asleep last night, yes , but I do not know why it is such a big deal,” said Tokoyami, shooting a death glare at Uraraka.

“It’s a bit weird seeing you tired, ribbit, you always seem full of energy.”

“Exactly!”
“Oh for heaven’s sake…”

Asui chuckled.

“Yes, but also… It’s interesting watching you yawn, ribbit.”

“Oh, oh! You say that because of the teeth or the tongue?!” jumped Uraraka.

Tokoyami just sighed while Asui did her best not to laugh too much. Even Shouji snorted in amusement. For a second, Tokoyami remembered the water fountain incident with Kouda, thinking that perhaps it was his tongue that made Kouda stare at him with such interest, but when his eyes met Asui’s, his mind went completely blank.

“Stressed about work, ribbit?”

“...you could say that…”

“...heh… We can go to the movies.”

...pardon?

Tokoyami slowly blinked, feeling how much his feathers suddenly wanted to puff up. Was that…?

“What do you think, Ochako?” Asui turned to look at her friend, tilting her head to one side.

“Oh! Y-Yeah, sounds like a good idea…”

...seems like he had gotten his hopes up, huh…

Tokoyami tried to smile, but his chest was starting to hurt, like someone had tied a rope around it and was slowly but surely tightening it. He was also having trouble swallowing all of the sudden, which could only mean one thing and it wasn’t a good one. However, after glancing around the room, he suddenly remembered that Kouda wasn’t there so he was on his own.

He got up, excusing himself, wanting to get to the restroom as soon as possible before fucking it up.

“Ah, we didn’t offend you, did we?” asked Uraraka, stopping Tokoyami on his tracks.

“N-No, it is not…”

“So, you’ll come with us? To the movies?” insisted Uraraka.

“Yes! Yes I will go! Yes!”

It seemed like Tokoyami’s exasperated tone went over Uraraka’s head as the latter let out an excited “awesome!” before turning her attention back to Asui.

Tokoyami stayed still for a moment, staring intently at the girl until he felt the urge to gag when a petal started to crawl up his throat and he had to go.

The restroom  they shared was -luckily- empty, so he could cough all the petals he wanted. It really sucked that now he felt relieved whenever he could cough in peace, and it sounded even somewhat stupid, but what could he do about it. When he pulled back, he realized that the toilet was filled with more petals than usual, which was certainly worrying. 

Perhaps going to the movies with Asui wasn’t a bad idea and it could allow him to shoot his shot. Or something.

He suddenly felt sick. He didn’t know why but it felt as if the ground shook under his feet and the world turned around him. He leaned over the toilet again, hopelessly opening his beak as he tried to throw up whatever was making him feel like that. He coughed and choked until he finally got rid of it. Drool hung from his beak as he panted loudly, tears in his eyes that made him blink quickly so he could get rid of them. When he finally calmed down, he looked down to see what the hell had caused him so much pain.

It was a lily pad. The leaf was not really big, but it was all crunched up, the edges all curled up.

Fear washed over Tokoyami. It wasn’t a petal. Nor a flower. It was obvious, of course, but it made him realize that the flowers were starting to change inside of him, probably taking more space than before, the leaf being proof of that.

He stayed in silence for a moment, staring at the lily pad, until he let out a sigh. He stood up, needing to catch himself as he almost fell over, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. He allowed himself to calm down, and when he felt ready, he flushed the petals and lily pad down the toilet, rubbing a hand against his beak to wipe off the drool.

He now felt better, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Or well, his chest.

Tokoyami took a deep breath. Yes, he was better.

He washed his hands and gently dampened his feathers and eyes, trying to reduce his face’s heat. When lifting his head, he met his reflection. He wasn’t looking that bad. Which was normal, because he wasn’t feeling bad.

It was all good.

He dried his hands against his pants, ready to get out of there. But, when he opened the restroom’s door, he found Shouji on the other side, seemingly about to open the door. They both stopped moving and stared at each other.

Tokoyami was waiting for him to step to the side so he could get back to the common room, but Shouji wasn’t moving.

“Shouji, may I…?” he finally asked, seemingly making his friend snap out of his thoughts.

“...yes, sorry,” apologized Shouji, stepping aside.

However, when Tokoyami walked past him, Shouji grabbed him by the arm.

“Tokoyami, are you okay?”

The question caught him off guard.

“Pardon?”

“Are you okay?” he repeated.

“...why, yes, yes I am. Is there a reason for me not being?”

His reply was certainly more defensive than he had first intended but it worked just fine for him. Shouji frowned but did not say anything else as he let go off his arm and stepped back. They stared at each other for another moment and it ended up being Shouji who looked away.

“...alright, sorry for bothering you.”

A soft guilt grasped Tokoyami’s heart, but he simply nodded before walking away. He felt Shouji’s eyes on his back as he did, but whatever negative feeling that was growing inside of him soon disappeared when Asui’s voice greeted him.

He smiled at her, wondering how someone could be so, but oh so beautiful.

He was okay now.

The movie theater was surprisingly empty. Tokoyami followed the girls as they led the way towards their seats, popcorn buckets in hand. They had tried to convince some of his classmates to come with them, but to no avail. Even Kouda had told Tokoyami no, although he didn’t say why. So, it was only him, Uraraka and Asui.

Tokoyami was actually pretty excited. And tired. But more excited than tired. And even if his insides were hurting more and more with each day that passed, being with Asui seemed to numb the pain. So he was okay.

“Here we are!” exclaimed Uraraka, letting herself fall in her seat with a loud sigh.

Asui chuckled as she sat next to her and Tokoyami felt a pleasant shiver running through his body as he realized that he could sit next to Asui too. It was like a dream come true.

He handed over the popcorn buckets to the girls, and he shifted in his seat as he tried to find a good and comfortable position while also trying to get closer to Asui without being too obvious. 

The lights went out and the screen turned black. During the few seconds that the room stayed in darkness, Tokoyami listened to his own breathing, deep and slightly hoarse, the soft rumbling of the plants inside of him being the reason for the raspiness of his voice. When the screen finally lit up, Tokoyami felt a weird sense of relief, which grew stronger once music started playing, making it difficult for him to keep focusing on his own breathing.

The movie itself wasn’t that interesting, and Tokoyami found himself dozing off more than once. However, each time he found his eyes fluttering, trying to close themselves and fall asleep, he would glance at Asui, and a sense of wonder overcame him each and every time. He couldn’t believe he was so close to her. He even felt the urge to reach out to her and put a strand of hair behind her ear, but he stopped himself, not wanting to cross any boundaries. It didn’t help at all the fact that they were watching a romantic movie that Uraraka really wanted to watch, so whenever Tokoyami tried to look away from Asui and focus on the movie, there always was a scene or something that made him think about her. What could he say, it was a vicious cycle. 

He stared at the screen, trying to understand what was going on as he had zoned out for a bit, but when he blinked, it was a totally different scene that was taking place. It took him a moment but he realized that he had finally fallen asleep, although he didn’t know exactly for how long. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the sleep that tried to stay on his eyelids. His chest felt heavy, like someone or something was pressing with all of their strength against him, and even if he knew it wasn’t true, he could have sworn that he heard his ribs cracking and creaking.

A shiver ran through his spine which made him cringe. Alright, he wasn’t feeling that good anymore. 

He glanced to his side, thinking that a look at Asui would help him calm down, but as soon as he did, it was as if all air was taken from him.

Uraraka and Asui’s fingers were carefully intertwined, hands resting on the armrest, and Asui was resting her head on the other’s shoulder while Uraraka was leaning her head on Asui’s. 

A small spasm made Tokoyami clench his teeth with force. It was like a thousand little claws sank into his insides, trying to rip him into shreds. 

He had to get out of there. 

He got up, telling the girls that he would be back, and went down the stairs as slowly and calmly as he could, until he knew that he was out of sight, and then bolted out of there. He ran through the movie theater, desperately looking for a restroom. He finally found one and barged into it, opening the first stall he found, door closing behind him as he bent over the toilet, opening his beak to throw up.

However, nothing came up, and he stayed there, gagging and choking as he tried to get rid of that horrible feeling. It scratched and pulled from the flesh and skin inside of his throat but it did not come out. Tears were starting to peek from the corner of his eyes as he struggled, saliva spilling from his mouth but nothing else. As he waited, it felt as if it calmed down, allowing him to take a deep breath, although it still felt as if his insides were burning with a thousand fires, but whatever tried to come out his throat went back down, at least for the time being.

He panted heavily as he patted his pockets in search of his phone. He found it and took it out, fumbling with it as he kneeled on the ground, too tired to stay up any longer, even if he was leaning over the toilet. 

He blinked furiously, trying to clear his vision as he wanted to be able to look at the screen. He looked through his contacts, trying to find someone whom he could text or call to be comforted. It struck him as a selfish thought to have, but he shook it off. His finger hovered over Shouji’s number, but he couldn’t do it, remembering one of the latest interactions and how it went, which wasn’t especially good. He hesitated, but ended up discarding him, and went to look for another number. He found it and didn’t think twice before pressing it, phone ringing as it dialed the number.

It didn’t took too much for someone to answer:

“H-Hello? Toko?”

Kouda’s voice brought an unhealthy relief to Tokoyami, who tried to smile. But, before he could speak, nausea overcame him once more, and when he leaned over the toilet again, this time actually vomiting everything he had been holding. Not only that, but tears did started to pour, streaming down his feathery cheeks.

It didn’t take him long to throw it all up, although it felt like an eternity. He ended up panting and breathing heavily, whining softly. He stayed like that for a moment, until Kouda spoke up again:

“...Tokoyami, a-are you alright? W-What happened?” his voice seemed to make Tokoyami snap out of his paralyzed state.

Tokoyami grabbed some toilet paper to wipe his beak, and then reached for his phone, which he had obviously dropped.

“...sorry…” Tokoyami coughed when speaking, and cleared his throat: “S-Sorry, I… Sorry…”

“D-Don’t apologize, i-it’s okay. H-How are you?”

“I could be better…” he let out a tired laugh. “Sorry, I apologize for bothering you, but… I-I don’t know, I-I felt horrible and thought about calling you a-and… I-I don’t know…”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, d-don’t worry. Where are Uraraka and…?” Kouda left the sentence in the air, not daring to say Asui’s name.

Tokoyami sat down on the floor, not caring about how filthy it could be.

“...and Tsuyu?” it hurt to even say her name, but he shook his head. “They were… holding hands.”

“...oh,” let out Kouda.

“Oh indeed,” Tokoyami pressed an arm against his chest, trying to sort of “hug” himself.

“...I’m sorry, Toko…”

“Do not be, it is, by no means, your fault.”

“S-So before, you…”

“...at least I did not throw up my insides,” Tokoyami’s tone turned sour as he glanced at the toilet.

He still hadn’t flushed the toilet and a tangled mess of roots, lily pads and flower petals rested at the bottom of the latter. 

“...w-what are you g-gonna do?” quietly asked Kouda, after allowing a few moments of silence for his friend.

“I… I certainly do not know… I do not believe I a-actually stand a chance anymore…”

More silence.

“...Kouda?” Kouda hummed to indicate he was listening. “Thank you for being there. I… I really appreciate it. Thank you. Also, sorry for having you listen to that, it must not have been pleasant.”

“D-Don’t mention it, it’s, u-uhm, the least I could do…” muttered Kouda. “A-And don’t worry a-about… that .”

“Thank you anyway. I will be going now. And… Thank you.”

“N-Nothing…”

They hung up almost at the same time and Tokoyami let his head fall against one of the walls of the stall, sighing. He felt… He felt horrible. A tad better, maybe, but still horrible.

He waited a bit more there, sitting there, alone, trying to gather some motivation or strength to actually get up.

When he got back into the room where Asui and Uraraka were -after spending a few minutes trying to flush what he had thrown up because it was way more than what the toilet could take-, he was able to get back to his seat without any questioning. It was almost as if the girls hadn’t noticed that he was back, which didn’t help him at all.

What perhaps was even worse was the fact that not even when they were on their way back to the dorms did neither Uraraka and Asui notice the poor state that he was in or even ask him why he had to leave in such a hurry in the middle of the movie.

The lights were blinding, way too bright. Since when were the lights of the gymnasium so fucking bright?

Tokoyami blinked furiously, trying to stay grounded. Dark Shadow was at his side, tugging their body from the depths of their host as they tried to help him stay conscious. Tokoyami gave them a small pat, and tried to bring his head back into the game.

A blurry cloud of silver, purple and yellow appeared in front of him, and he was only able to jump to a side, rolling on the floor to avoid it.

“ Non non !✰” exclaimed Aoyama. “Don’t run, mon ami !✰”

Since when was Aoyama so brave? Maybe he had realized that Tokoyami wasn’t in the best of states, or that he knew that his quirk put him at an advantage vis a vis Tokoyami’s, but whatever it was, he just wouldn’t stop attacking. 

Tokoyami jumped to avoid Aoyama once more, although he almost missed his landing, almost slipping and falling, which would have meant defeat as he didn’t know if he had enough strength to get back up.

So, that had been his plan: dodge and not fall.

Speaking of which, he avoided another one of Aoyama’s laser cannons, which made Dark Shadow cry out in pain. Tokoyami muttered a curse. Even if it was his own plan, he hated it. Even more when seeing Aoyama’s big, haughty grin plastered on his face. He really wanted to slap it off his face.

“C’mon, birdie! Let’s dance!✰” laughed Aoyama, doing a little twirl.

“I am gonna…!” groaned Tokoyami, calling Dark Shadow with a motion of his arm so they would be ready to attack. He had grown pretty quickly pretty tired of his own plan, what could he say.

He took a big step forward, which made Aoyama’s smile waver, but the instant his foot touched the ground, he let out a pained whine through his clenched teeth as he felt the air leaving his lungs. To cover his reaction, Dark Shadow slammed a claw on the floor, both trying to intimidate Aoyama even more but also to provide their host with some support. And they both realized, at the same time, that they could work with that.

Dark Shadow formed another claw, allowing both of them to act like crutches for Tokoyami. That meant that they wouldn’t be able to fight long-range but at least he wouldn’t fall over walking. However, Dark Shadow was also feeling Tokoyami’s pain and thus his claws were shuddering ever so slightly. But it would work.

It had to work.

Tokoyami took another step, along with one of Dark Shadow’s claws, which hit the floor as hard as they could without hurting themselves, scratching the ground to both intimidate and to stay grounded as best as they could. Aoyama stepped backwards, feeling that something had changed in the air.

But, Tokoyami saw it in Aoyama’s eyes. He saw his classmate first going through a panicked state of mind, but then he narrowed his eyes, and soon he seemed to realize something, smiling wider.

He couldn’t have seen through Tokoyami’s act, could he?

Not wanting to leave more time to his adversary to think, he launched forward, feeling how his bones were seemingly cracking with each move. He lifted one of Dark Shadow’s claws, swinging it towards Aoyama who only jumped backwards. However, Aoyama seized the moment, curving his back as he fired a beam, which Tokoyami managed to avoid by ducking down. The only problem was that the light of that beam was enough to make Dark Shadow shake as they tried to not be sent back into their host’s body as he needed them.

Tokoyami propelled himself backwards thanks to Dark Shadow, needing some space to recover. However, Aoyama was again ready to attack, having overcame the recoil of his quirk, jumping towards Tokoyami and Dark Shadow, and going back to their game of cat and mouse as Tokoyami tried to avoid him as best as he could, Dark Shadow whining with each beam of light that, even if it did not hit them, was enough to weaken them.

Tokoyami let out a tired pant. He was losing all little energy he had and it was really taking a toll on him. The problem was that because of Aoyama’s attacks, he couldn’t recover or allow Dark Shadow to gather some strength to counter the laser beams.

There was a moment when Aoyama let out a stronger beam, which made Dark Shadow shriek in pain, but at the same time, made Aoyama bounce backwards further away than before, also taking some height. It wasn’t for a long moment, but it was enough for Dark Shadow to recover some energy which was added to the pain and rage the creature was feeling: they then took a couple of steps back, telling Tokoyami about what they were going to do, launching both them and his host in the airs to catch Aoyama and maybe incapacitate him.

However, even if last time Tokoyami had been able to foresee Ojiro’s trap during their fight, this time the ruse went right over his head as he didn’t pick up on Aoyama’s widening grin as they got closer to him.

Tokoyami and Dark Shadow managed to position themselves higher than their adversary, hovering over Aoyama, lifting their claws to grab him…

When there was a flashing light that blinded them.

For a moment, Tokoyami was unable to see or hear anything, his vision entirely covered by white bluish light, a loud ring resonating in his head, until he blinked, and was able to see the gymnasium’s ceiling, Dark Shadow’s disintegrating as they went back into their host’s body, a panicked Aoyama opening his mouth to scream something…

And then he hit the floor.

The impact made him lose all air that remained in his lungs and he could only gasp in alarm as he tried to breath. His entire body hurt like hell, there was no other way to say it. He tried again to take in a deep breath, but his eyes only fluttered with the effort, and his vision went black for a moment.

He sprung awake, coughing, just as Aizawa arrived to his side, a worried Aoyama kneeling next to him, and the sounds of his classmates’ voices trying to know how he was and getting closer.

“Everyone step back!” screamed Aizawa, shushing his students. He then mimicked Aoyama, kneeling next to Tokoyami. “Tokoyami, how are you?”

Tokoyami lifted a hand, asking for his teacher to wait as he breathed in and out slowly, relieved to feel fresh air travelling in and out of his poor lungs.

“...I am alright. Dark Shadow used their body to lessen the impact, so it is not as bad as it might have seen,” that was a mix of truths and lies: yes, Dark Shadow had done so, but it had been almost completely and utterly useless, the only good thing being that he hadn’t broken anything.

Aizawa nodded.

“I thought so. If not, you wouldn’t have been able to wake up so easily,” he crudely said. Something near Tokoyami caught his attention, and he arched an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Tokoyami followed his gaze, panic setting in as he realized that it was one of his petals. He quickly slammed a hand on the petal, startling Aoyama, who hadn’t noticed it, and grabbed the petal. Aizawa didn’t say anything.

“Can you stand up?” asked Aizawa, getting up himself and motionning Aoyama to do so too.

“...I think so,” muttered Tokoyami, although when their teacher held out a hand, he took it without thinking. 

He was able to keep his balance once he was standing up, and under Aizawa’s watchful eye, he took a couple of steps forward without much problem. Aizawa nodded in approval when Tokoyami looked at him.

“Alright, go sit down. Go to the restroom if you need it, and if you’re feeling even slightly unwell, you will go to see Recovery Girl. If you do either of those, you will ask someone to accompany you. Everything clear?”

“Y-Yes sir.”

“Good. Aoyama, accompany him to the benches.”

“ Oui monsieur !✰”

“Good. Oh, and last thing…” said Aizawa before they could walk away. He flashed them one of his awkward and tense smiles: “...you did a good job, you two. Keep it up.”

Tokoyami and Aoyama glanced towards the other, surprised to receive a compliment from their teacher, but they answered by bowing their heads and thanking him, before walking away.

When they arrived next to their peers, they all jumped, trying to see with their own eyes that Tokoyami was alright.

“Yes yes, I am…” sighed Tokoyami, lifting a hand in front of him to calm his classmates, “...I am just a bit shaken up, so if you allow me the pleasure, I would like a bit of quiet… Without wanting to sound rude, of course.”

Understanding whispers received his words as they stepped back.

“Ah, Kouda? Mister Aizawa told me to have someone accompany me if I were to go to the restroom, so would you be so kind to…?” he asked, leaving the sentence in the air.

Kouda nodded fervently, quickly getting to Tokoyami’s side as they walked out of the gymnasium.

And, as soon as they got out, when Kouda closed the doors behind him, he was startled when Tokoyami suddenly fell against him, his entire body just going limp.

“T-Tokoyami? W-What happened?” troubled, he held his friend close to him, unsure of what to do.

To his relief he felt Tokoyami taking a deep breath against his chest, a hand slowly raising to grab Kouda’s shoulder for more support.

“...y-yes…” muttered Tokoyami, not really answering anything or making sense.

“T-Toko?”

“...s-sorry, just… o-one moment, please…”

Tokoyami was trying to get back to his senses. He had had to use so much of his strength and his energy and so much of his everything to try and appear strong in front of everyone when he really had none of that left. He still was having trouble breathing and not only because of the fall, because, as absurd as it may sound, he thought he heard the petals and leaves inside of him rustling with each breath he took. It was only once he was with Kouda that his body gave up on him, trusting his friend enough to take care of him.

He took another deep breath. God, he felt horrible, so horrible, so useless, so…

Tokoyami didn’t have enough energy to jump, but he was still pretty startled when Kouda started to gently brush his feathers with one hand. He closed his eyes again, resting his body entirely against Kouda’s. They stayed like that for a moment, until Tokoyami had to pull back to cough up some petals.

“D-Disgusting…” muttered Tokoyami, which made Kouda chuckle.

“Are you feeling better?” quietly asked Kouda, gently arranging one of Tokoyami’s feathers which was standing up.

“...I think so…”

“W-Want to go sit somewhere?”

“...please.”

Kouda put one of his arms around Tokoyami’s shoulders and the other on his friend’s waist, being as gentle as he could while he helped him walk. They arrived at the closest bench they could find, and although he had made almost no effort himself, Tokoyami was out of breath when he let himself fall on the bench, starting to cough almost immediately.

“D-Do you need anything?” asked Kouda, ready to do whatever Tokoyami asked him to.

However, Tokoyami simply shook his head.

“...I just… I just n-need some time… a-also if you could stay with me, it would be perfect…” he mumbled once he stopped choking on the petals he spat out soon after.

“...O-Okay, I… I can do that…” answered Kouda, taking a seat next to Tokoyami.

They stayed in silence, only interrupted by Tokoyami’s painful coughs as more petals piled up in the palm of his hands.

“Tokoyami…” it was Kouda who broke the silence, “...maybe you should… y-you know…”

“...It is not that bad…” muttered Tokoyami, putting the small amount of petals next to him on the bench, “...I-It looks bad but it is because of the fight… Heh, Aoyama really kicked our asses…”

“W-Well, you were at a disadvantage… A-And I’m sure you w-would have won!”

Tokoyami let out a quiet chuckle.

“...Thank you.”

“I-I’m serious! T-The way Dark Shadow approached Aoyama… It made s-shiver! L-Like, ‘o-oh man, I w-wouldn’t like to be their enemy’! T-That’s what I thought! A-And when y-you jumped in the airs…! I-It was great! I-I-Impressive!”

Kouda’s excited tone made Tokoyami laugh again, his friend’s face lighting up when hearing him doing so.

“...I appreciate you saying so…” muttered Tokoyami, voice somewhat raspy. He had to clear his throat, but then he leaned to his side, resting his head on Kouda’s shoulder. “Can you, perhaps, keep talking? I-I want to rest for a moment, and I like hearing you… speak…” Tokoyami closed his eyes, taking a deep breath that almost sent him into another coughing fit.

Despite the initial surprise, Kouda started humming as he thought of what to say, not used to talking, and especially not used to being asked to talk. However, he started talking about the training fights they had taken part of, describing them and commenting on what aspects he had enjoyed the most. Tokoyami listened to him talk, allowing himself to finally rest.

Tokoyami lied in bed, a hand resting on his chest as he felt his heart beating and his chest rising and falling slowly, as he thought about everything that had happened.

In summary, avoiding Asui seemed to have the opposite effect on him, so he had tried to spend more time with her. And, as she appeared pretty accepting of him, he felt better. Of course, Kouda had had to intervene more than once, but if it had happened more at first, he had gotten better. Of course he had.

He clenched the fabric of his shirt in his fist.

Yes, he had gotten better.

At least that was what he had told Kouda, over and over again as he held back coughing fit after coughing fit and as petals got stuck between his teeth.

He was doing better.

He leaned over the side of his bed and threw up. Even eating was starting to be difficult. At least, keeping the food in his stomach.

Just like the petals, being with her was something bitter-sweet. Her voice was like honey dripping over the open wounds of his heart, sipping in like the poison which would eventually kill him.

It was like a drug. She numbed the pain when he was near her, but as soon as he stepped away, the roots of his disease constricted his pain and made him choke and cough and want to die. But at the same time, she was the one who brought him enough energy to go on with his day. Even after finding out that her and Uraraka were going out together, he still felt drawn towards her, almost needing to see her and hear her and be with her.

The others couldn’t see it because their eyes weren’t used to his face, but Tokoyami had deep bags under his eyes, due to the lack of sleep. He felt so horrible, so useless. But it was all better when he was with her. It was. It really was. Even if the consequences were so, but oh so terrible.

There was a soft whine that came from the darkness. Dark Shadow was at the feet of his bed, staring at him.

Tokoyami knew that they were also suffering, but there wasn’t a lot he could do. Except…

He shook his head. No, he couldn’t possibly get the surgery. If he did… He wouldn’t feel Asui the same way he did now. The softness of her words, the sweetness of her gaze… It would all go away. And he couldn’t live without that.

Deep down Tokoyami knew that he only thought like that because of the flowers that lived inside of him and that were slowly poisoning his entire system. But he simply couldn’t get rid of them. He was addicted to Asui and couldn’t possibly give it away. 

It was all he had.

Dark Shadow whined again, pushing their head against their host’s hand, begging for him to go ask for help. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t possibly do that.

Tokoyami turned and tossed in his best, trying to finally fall asleep.

He just needed to sleep. It would all be better then.

He closed his eyes but despite how exhausted he was, he had so much trouble falling asleep. However, this time it seemed to finally work, slowly drifting into a dreamless sleep.

It was the middle of the night when Tokoyami shot his eyes wide open, gasping for air. He still had trouble forming a coherent thought, and thus he didn’t understand what was happening. 

He tried to make a sound, mutter a word, something, anything, but not a sound left his throat. He tried to cough to get whatever was stuck in his throat out, but he only felt a strong and heavy pressure on his chest as nothing happened, making hopeless efforts to cough or even, as he started to turn desperate, swallow.

Panic started to set in as he finally understood what was going on.

He brought a trembling hand to his chest, sunking his nails into the little flesh that covered his ribs as he scratched himself, fingers reaching for his collarbone as he tried to understand why he couldn’t breath. He found himself kicking the mattress underneath him as he tried to put up a fight against some invisible force. 

Tokoyami didn’t know what to do; he felt the urge to cry, whine, whatever it was, but he couldn’t, and as he felt his throat growing warm, the urge only worsened. The areas around his eyes also fired up as tears started to form in his eyes, only spilling and streaming down his cheeks when he struggled, unable to choke up and cry.

Even within the darkness of his room, Tokoyami started to see black dots that filled his vision, and as the pain grew stronger, he was only able to stare at his ceiling, too tired, too exhausted to try and do anything else.

And then his vision turned completely dark as he lost consciousness.

A slow and quiet beeping sound resonated in his skull, right behind his eyes, making Tokoyami frown in pain. Then, moments later, he tried opening his eyes, eyelids fluttering as he did, getting temporarily blinded by the artificial lights that filled the room and making him close them again.

At his second attempt, he was able to fully open his eyes, blinking a couple of times to get properly adjusted. The room was… white. White ceiling, white floor, white machines, white bed, white sheets. 

He looked around him, finding the machine that was making that weird beeping sound. He followed with his eyes the cables that were connected to it, realizing that it was linked to his left arm. It all felt… surreal. He slowly lifted his arm, examining it with blank eyes, and then made it spin, closing and opening his fist, clearly recognizing that it was his.

It was… a hospital, right?

A blanket covered him, and Tokoyami wiggled his toes, watching his feet move underneath said blanket. He focused on his other arm, trying out his range of motion. He could move, couldn’t he?

He grabbed the blanket, lifting it off his body and then sat at the edge of his bed. Or, well, he tried to, as he only lifted himself a couple of inches and then fell back on the bed with a soft “plof”.

Alright then.

He tried again, this time managing to sit back up, although he felt his head spinning for a moment, the feeling going away seconds later. He waited for a moment, and when he felt that it was alright, he slowly moved his legs to the side, the rest of his body followed, finally sitting at the edge of the bed.

He let his legs dangle as he kept looking at his surroundings, trying to remember what he was doing there. He was about to pat himself down to make sure he was all in one piece, when the door of his room opened, making him jump.

“...as I was saying, he shouldn’t…” a small group of people led by a woman who looked like the doctor entered. She appeared to be talking to the group, but stopped when noticing Tokoyami staring at them with a bewildered expression. “Ah, there he is! The results were pretty positive after all, so…”

“Tokoyami!” his friends unceremoniously interrupted the doctor and quickly walked up to him.

The doctor shook her head, realizing that she had tried to dump on them all the information she usually told the adults, so she kind of understood their reaction. Instead of trying to lecture them, she also walked up to her patient, checking his vitals as the teens kept talking and talking.

Tokoyami lifted a hand, trying to get his friends to stop for a moment, head starting to hurt.

“...a-alright, w-wait a moment, I… I-I’m not…” he muttered. “I-I don’t understand what…”

The others quietened, and after glancing at each other, Ojiro stepped forward.

“Okay, little by little,” he said. “So, context: two days ago, Aoyama was woken up by a panicked Dark Shadow who led him to your room. When Aoyama found you, he realized that there was something wrong, and so he went to look for Aizawa, who took care of you, bringing you here… Or he called an ambulance, we don’t really know.”

“We’re actually the second group to come see you,” chimed in Uraraka.

She then motioned towards the others: aside from her and Ojiro, there were also Satou and Kaminari. The latter stepped forward, leaning over towards Tokoyami:

“Dude, you look like shit,” he bluntly said, flashing him a smile that shook ever so slightly with worry.

Tokoyami opened his beak to snap back at him when the doctor let out a chuckle, catching their attention.

“Well, I’d be surprised if he didn’t,” she said as she finished writing something down, giving Tokoyami a soft tap on his head with her clipboard, “but I do hope that it’ll serve you and your friends as a lesson to keep those things a secret, alright? It’s dangerous to let it go that far.”

Tokoyami blinked slowly, realizing what the doctor meant, while his friends just glanced at each other, confused.

“I’m sorry, miss, but what do you mean by that?” asked Uraraka, tilting her head to one side.

However, it was when Tokoyami unconsciously brought a hand to his chest, feeling the bandages under his hospital gown, that it dawned on them what had happened.

“...Tokoyami. Did you…?” cautiously started saying Satou, before being interrupted by the door opening again.

“Sorry for being late, ribbit. I got lost on the way,” said Asui, stepping inside. “Oh, Tokoyami, you’re awake.”

Tokoyami stared at her. He would have liked to say that he suddenly clenched the fabric of his hospital gown in a fist, the memory of what he had felt for her lingering over his scar and mourning sinking its teeth in his heart, but none of that happened.

Instead, he simply nodded.

“Hello Asui.”

“D-Do you need a-anything? S-Should I do s-s-something?”

Even if Tokoyami rolled his eyes, he couldn’t help but smile. What could he say, being the center of attention and having someone trying to take care of you didn’t feel too bad.

“Thank you, Kouda, but I am fine,” said Tokoyami, putting down his book.

He was still at the hospital as there had been a couple of complications concerning his lungs. The doctors had told him to be patient since it hadn’t been more than five days since he had checked in and that it probably wouldn’t take him more than a week to get back on his feet and be able to get back to class without any issues.

Kouda nodded, tapping his fingers against his knees. He had come to visit Tokoyami every day, to spend time with him, talk with him or at least keep him some company. Tokoyami had asked him why he was doing so, but Kouda had been too embarrassed to admit it.

Tokoyami tried to get back into his book, but he could still perceive a nervous aura coming from Kouda, so he simply closed it, not being able to focus anymore.

“How was class today?” asked Tokoyami, making Kouda jump.

“U-Uhm… I-It was alright…” he muttered.

“Nothing else to notify?”

Kouda shrugged, however he still looked like he was thinking about it.

“W-Well…” he finally said, “...t-they all keep asking a-about you… B-But I d-didn’t say a-anything! I a-assumed you didn’t w-want e-everyone to know…” Tokoyami bowed his head in appreciation. “A-And… I-I don’t know… U-Uhm, P-Present Mic is l-loud as always… A-And Ectoplasm k-kept scaring K-Kaminari a-and Mineta w-when they weren’t p-paying attention…”

Tokoyami shifted in his seat so he could be entirely facing Kouda, listening to what he was saying. Since the last incident after his fight against Aoyama, Kouda had started speaking more with him, and it really was nice to listen to him do so.

Kouda kept talking for a good moment, trying to find whatever he could to talk about so there wouldn’t be a silence, awkward or not. However, there came a moment where he didn't know what else to say, although Tokoyami could almost see the smoke coming from him as he thought as hard as he could.

“...a-and… I-I don’t know, heh… Sorry…”

“Why, do not apologize, it is a pleasure listening to you speak.”

“...y-yeah, but… n-no. I-I mean….” Kouda sighed. “I-It’s just that, I w-want you to not get bored o-or sad or something… I-I don’t know…”

Tokoyami opened his beak to speak but closed it right away, leaving Kouda time to put words together so he could say what he wanted to say.

“I-It’s just… H-How… Uhm… When I g-got hospitalized, I… W-Well, n-nobody knew about it, s-so I was a-alone most of the t-time. A-And it w-wasn’t the best a-and I don’t… want you to go through t-that…?”

“...Is that so?” suddenly, it all made sense, and Tokoyami felt somewhat guilty, even if he couldn’t really do anything. Kouda nodded. “Then, allow me to thank you again. You’ve really helped me quite a lot.”

Kouda was ready to dismiss his friend's words when he jumped, feeling something on his shoulder. When he turned, he was met face to beak with Dark Shadow, who smiled at him, rubbing their head against Kouda’s cheek.

“...You will have to pardon them, the doctors do not allow them to get out much, so technically what they are doing now is breaking the rules but…” Tokoyami leaned forward, making sure he wouldn’t fall from his bed, “...we think you are trustworthy enough to keep the secret, yes?”

Kouda’s cheeks flushed a light shade of pink, and he started to lift a hand to pet Dark Shadow when he suddenly stopped, expression changing. After gently pushing Dark Shadow off him, he stood up, dusting off his pants and grabbing his backpack. When meeting Tokoyami’s confused look, Kouda flashed him a small smile.

“...h-have to go, s-sorry…” he muttered.

“...Oh. Alright. Will you, erhm, come back tomorrow?” asked Tokoyami.

Already at the door, Kouda turned around and nodded, another small smile on his face.

And, after he was gone, Tokoyami stayed in silence, realizing how alone he really was after giving more thought to what Kouda had told him.

Going back to class after all of that really was… something else. Everybody wanted to know how he was, everybody wanted to help him with everything, everybody was suddenly always surrounding him.

At first it was alright, but he had to put his foot down when they even wanted to carry his backpack.

Enough was enough.

There were also the times when they asked about who… Well, who had been the cause of his petals, but answering that question wouldn’t change anything so Tokoyami usually just shrugged them off.

The only one who didn’t treat him differently was Kouda. Mainly because Kouda knew exactly what had happened, but still. 

“Ah, Kouda, may I go back with you?” asked Tokoyami, putting his notebook in his bag.

Kouda quickly nodded, stuffing his own material in his backpack as fast as he could to not stay behind.

It was the safest way to get back to the dorms without being bothered, as nobody wanted to make Kouda uncomfortable by tagging along knowing how comfortable Tokoyami and him were when they were with each other, and it was always relaxing talking with him, so it was a win-win situation.

Kouda glanced at him as they walked, adjusting the straps of his backpack.

“...y-you seem w-way better…” he finally said, looking away.

“Oho? Is that so? Thank you very much,” said Tokoyami, stopping for a second to make an exaggerated bow.

Kouda snorted as he shook his head.

“D-Does it still h-hurt?” he then asked.

“The scar?” Kouda nodded.

Tokoyami brought a hand to his chest, reaching for his shirt so he could feel said scar. At first it was a little bumpy, but it had healed extremely well. It was still a light shade of pink, sure, and it was still visible, but now it was almost entirely flat. That is if someone else touched it. Tokoyami was used to looking for it, so he knew exactly its shape and placement even if he didn’t look directly at it.

“...No, not really,” he finally answered. “I still… feel it, yes? And I do not mean when I am in contact with it. I mean… Whenever I move, I can feel it moving with my body, like it is something stuck to my skin that I cannot get rid off. And I would like to say that it is the memories that make me think that, but I cannot say that I really remember any of it, yes?”

“...l-like it, uhm, was a dream?”

“Yes, precisely. I do know for a fact that it happened, I know what happened, when people talk to me about, I do see what they are referring to, but it is more like a story that I have memorized from reading it again and again and yet again.”

Kouda nodded.

It was nice having someone that related to what you said. If he were to speak about it with anyone else, Tokoyami didn’t think he could get his point across. But, like that, he could.

It was a nice feeling.

Somewhat familiar, but nice either way.

Tokoyami opened his eyes, blinking confused when he saw Kouda watching him, an amused expression on his face. He lifted his head from the table, rubbing a hand against his eyes as Kouda chuckled.

“Did I…?” finally dared to ask Tokoyami.

Kouda nodded.

“You will have to pardon me, I do not know why I keep doing this…” muttered Tokoyami, cursing at himself.

“It’s nothing, y-you’re tired,” shrugged Kouda.

Despite now being able to sleep all night long, after class Tokoyami always found himself falling asleep wherever he went: the common room, the kitchen, the library… And in this case, Kouda’s room, where they had gone to study.

“...Y-Your body is still r-recovering,” said Kouda, scratching his pen against a piece of paper, “...it’s normal…”

“Yes, but it is still quite the troublesome event.”

Even if he felt as if everything was alright, Tokoyami still knew that Kouda was right; recovering from such a disease still was pretty hard, and he ought to give his body a break, even if he felt like he had given it more than his fair share of breaks.

However, he knew that studying History wasn’t exactly helping, so he ended up leaving it aside, focusing more on his surroundings.

It seemed like it had been an eternity since he had come into Kouda’s room, but it felt like it was the same; same softness, same cuteness… same feeling of belonging.

Scratch that, Tokoyami was sure that the latter was something new.

Since Kouda had come to visit him everyday at the hospital -he was also told that Kouda was also in the first group that visited him, although he had been asleep-, they had formed a new bond, as they had more things in common than what they had first thought. That was not taking into account their aesthetics or personal style, of course, although it was quite fun to imagine Kouda wearing an all-black outfit.

He played with that idea in his mind for a moment, even allowing himself to imagine which of his clothing could actually fit him, realizing soon enough that not a single piece of clothing from Tokoyami’s closet could actually fit Kouda, aside from maybe a shawl or cape. Perhaps some accessories?

At the thought of Kouda wearing one of his leather chokers with chains, Tokoyami couldn’t help but laugh out loud, which caught Kouda’s attention.

“D-Did I do something?” he cautiously asked, looking slightly worried.

“...Oh no, dear heavens, no. I was just… thinking about something.”

“...’bout what?”

“On a scale from one to ten, how likely are you to wear a choker?”

The question baffled Kouda, leaving him confused and without any words to speak. He just stared at Tokoyami, mouth slightly ajar as he tried to determine whether it was a joke or not.

“...I-I don’t know?” he finally said, frowning.

“So, three?”

“...m-maybe? I just… I d-didn’t really think about… t-that?”

Tokoyami laughed again.

“Ah, yes, understandable, understandable.”

Kouda shot him a weird look but didn’t say anything, and they both stayed in silence for another moment.

“...f-five?” suddenly said Kouda, eyes stuck on the table as to appear as nonchalant as possible.

“Mhm?”

“F-Five?”

“Oh. Yes, yes, I see,” Tokoyami nodded his head. And then Kouda muttered something else under his breath. “Pardon? I did not catch that.”

Kouda stayed quiet until he gathered enough courage once more.

“...i-if it’s a-a gift, I-I would c-certainly wear i-it…” he muttered, glancing towards Tokoyami for half a second.

Tokoyami arched an eyebrow.

“Is that so…? It certainly is nice to know that… Wait, are you not indirectly asking for gifts, are you?”

Tokoyami watched how Kouda turned red and tried to look at anything but Tokoyami, which was quite fun.

“...g-go back to sleep…” mumbled Kouda, rubbing a hand against his cheek as he cursed at himself for always blushing so easily.

“I would like to point out that it was not me who started this, but I will take up your offer,” said Tokoyami, stretching his back. An idea sparked in his mind: “Oh, may I use your bed? Sleeping sitting down on the floor is not the best, I ought to say…”

And Kouda just sighed, holding back the urge to hide his face in his hands:

“...sure. Why not.”

As Tokoyami lied down, he thought that maybe, just maybe, he needed to stop acting like that, just a little bit. Like he was getting too comfortable with Kouda. But, when he turned to lie on his side to look at him, he found Kouda staring at him, frowning, and then he shook his head as he went back to study. 

Kouda seemed more comfortable now too. Which was good, because he didn’t really spend much time with others and usually was kind of alone.

So, it all seemed to be okay.

Tokoyami thought that he would suffer more from the aftermath of the disease and the surgery. Some trouble breathing, coughing, weird hallucination nightmares? Something like that. 

But he just felt… Good.

Normal.

Like always.

He didn’t feel like he really was missing something. He didn’t have an open gaping hole in his chest that screamed in pain and longing. He didn’t wake up in the middle of the night, crying and begging for the skies to bring him back what they had stolen from him.

He slept in peace. His mind was calm.

It was more like when you lost something that isn’t worth it. One does not worry about the bus ticket they bought two years ago that suddenly disappeared from your pocket, as derogatory as it may sound.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care about Asui anymore. He still cared for her, but not in the same way as he did before or as Uraraka cared. He knew she had been important to him, but now she was just as the rest of his classmates, someone to say hello to when they met in the morning, someone to ask for help when there was a difficult exercise, someone to train with.

But she wasn’t the person he yearned to kiss, to touch, to laugh with, someone with whom he wanted to create lovely and wonderful memories he would remember with fondness in the future, whatever it happened. He wished the best for her, but he didn’t feel the need to be in her life.

And he was okay with that. It was enough.

However, one night, as he got into bed, he felt a strange tingling sensation in his chest, right under his scar.

His fingers traced the light marking on his chest, an intrusive thought begging for him to scratch it and tear it to reach for that tickling sensation, but of course he didn’t do it; instead, he placed both hands over it and took deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly the fresh hair that travelled inside of his lungs, a feeling he knew he had missed so much when he had been sick. He visualized said lungs, a dark yet empty space inside of them, the air being a shiny, slim and elegant line that slithered across it, caressing the darkness without bumping into anything.

It was all alright.

There was nothing to worry about.

Now he could close his eyes and let the slumber swallow him whole as he swan, again, in a dreamless state.

Was it his imagination or was Kouda starting to avoid him?

Tokoyami had gotten so used to going with him whenever it was recess, lunchtime, when they had free time or had to go to their dorms that it struck him as weird when more than once he couldn’t find him or caught him quickly leaving whatever room they were in. Which was unfortunate, if he had to be honest. 

However, whenever he tried to ask Kouda about it, the latter would simply dodge the question or play it off, but there was clearly something off.

Or maybe Tokoyami was just overthinking it too much.

“Tokoyami, how are you feeling, ribbit?”

“Oh, hello Asui.”

“Call me Tsu.”

“Ah, yes yes, pardon. Tsu,” Tokoyami cleared his throat. “I am doing fine, how about you?”

“I’m alright, thanks for asking, ribbit,” she smiled. She then looked around the room. “Kouda isn’t here, ribbit? You’re usually together…”

“Were you looking for him? I am afraid I lost him somewhere along the way from our classroom to here, so I cannot give you a clear answer, I apologize.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that! It’s just weird not seeing you together, ribbit.”

“Hm? Is it?”

Apparently he had been spending more time with Kouda than he had first thought, or at least it was evident enough for his classmates to have noticed it.

Asui hummed in answer.

“Yeah, at least since you were hospitalized. Or maybe before that. Did he help you, ribbit?”

“...As always, straight to the point.”

“Sorry,” and she shrugged, certainly not really sorry.

“It is not a problem, do not worry,” said Tokoyami. “But you are right, he knew about… that before I needed urgent care, so I suppose it allowed us to bond over that.”

“Bond over that? Is he going through that too, ribbit?”

...that had been a mistake.

“N-No, he… Well, he had already gone through that, so… H-He knew what to expect?”

“Oh.” Asui frowned. “So, now he doesn’t… you know?”

“You keep on asking that, why?” Tokoyami’s tone became more defensive. There was something bothering him, but he still didn’t want to admit it.

Asui lifted her hands in front of her.

“I’m just asking, ribbit, no need to get angry. It’s just that he seems to be acting like you were, ribbit.”

“...Nonsense. He would have told me.”

And Asui simply shrugged.

“If you say so, ribbit.”

Even if he would have liked to affirm otherwise, Asui’s words stuck with Tokoyami, and he found himself watching Kouda everytime he could, trying to determine if she was right or not. Yes, it led to some awkward moments, and no, it didn’t turn out to be really useful in the end.

So, he had tried to confront Kouda. At first, indirectly. But, as Kouda kept just laughing or brushing it off, Tokoyami had to change tactics.

That is, starting to ask him directly.

They were hanging out -again- in Kouda’s room. Tokoyami was sitting on the floor, back against the bed, while Kouda was lying down across his bed, head half hanging on the edge of it and legs against the wall. A curious posture for sure, but one he had picked up from Tokoyami, somewhat mimicking what the latter would do.

They were both reading, Tokoyami trying to focus on his book -the one he had started reading back at the hospital-, while Kouda had just started one that was lent to him by Tokoyami. However, while Kouda was able to make some decent progress, Tokoyami had to hold back a groan when he had to read the same page for the fourth time in a row because he really wasn’t paying much attention, only realizing that when he arrived at the end of the page. He didn’t want to bother Kouda so he didn’t sigh, but he did put the book down in defeat. He turned his head slightly to the side, watching his friend.

As his eyes looked at him, Tokoyami started to think that Kouda actually had quite a great profile: a slightly upturned nose, a fairly square jaw… The transition between his forehead and his horn was pretty smooth too, which was also interesting. And the sort of tusks or fangs his mouth formed, spiky, were too. But there were also his eyes, which of course, Tokoyami really liked.

For a second, Tokoyami wondered if Kouda would look at him and also think that he was attractive, although he caught himself thinking that and scolded himself. That was how it had probably started with Asui, and he didn’t need to go through that again. Not that it would happen, but better safe than sorry.

However… No, there wasn’t any “howevers”, but it was true that Kouda was bound to understand him better. They both knew what being a mutant was, and neither of them was exactly as human passing as Asui was, and they were both less conventionally attractive than she was. Although, it was true that Tokoyami had been called more than once “pretty”, so perhaps it wasn’t that bad for him as it had been sometimes for Kouda. It was pretty disheartening to listen to his friend’s stories about how he had unintentionally scared off little kids when all he wanted to do was help them. Kouda had tried to tell these stories with a smile, but it wavered and a pinch of sadness poisoned his voice when telling it.

Maybe Tokoyami could be one to call Kouda “pretty”.

He felt his cheeks heating up under his feathers, although it wasn’t enough to make them puff up.

Geez, that was cheesy.

And also the exact opposite of what he should be thinking about. He couldn’t afford getting hospitalized again after Kouda would reject him when so little time had passed since last time. He visualized Dark Shadow in his mind, taking those thoughts and pushing them deep down inside of themselves, making them another problem for another them.

Besides, he should be worrying about Kouda, not making all of it about himself.

“Kouda, is there someone you like?”

Kouda choked up when hearing that, both startled by Tokoyami’s sudden intervention and by his question. He quickly turned to look at him, eyes wide open.

“...w-w-what?” he stammered, trying to determine if he had heard him correctly or not.

“Do you like someone?”

“...o-oh…” so he had heard him correctly. “W-Why would y-you ask that?” Kouda chuckled nervously, eyes going back to his book.

“Because it has been brought to my attention that you are behaving the same way as I did when it happened to me,” insisted Tokoyami. However, Kouda ignored him, although Tokoyami knew that he wasn’t reading as his eyes were stuck on the same spot. “Kouda...” Kouda groaned, covering his face with the book. “Kouda!”

“...w-why d-do y-you care…” muttered Kouda from underneath the book.

“What?”

Kouda let out a sigh and lifted the book, staring blankly at it.

“...i-it’s not like I-I s-stand a chance e-either way…”

“...So, you do…? And you are… You know?”

“...n-no… i-it’s not like that, d-don’t worry…”

“But I do worry!”

“T-Then don’t!” Kouda raised his voice, which honestly surprised both of them. “...s-sorry, I-I… I didn’t mean to…”

Tokoyami shook his head.

“No. I should be the one to apologize, I should not have pushed the issue knowing you did not want to talk about it,” they stayed quiet for a moment. “Kouda?”

“...hm?”

“I am not insisting that you are, but… Would you tell me if you were in love? I would want to be there for you.”

“...” Kouda looked at him for the first time during their conversation, and Tokoyami didn’t know if it was because of the lights, but his eyes appeared to be slightly watery, “...I-I guess…” he finally answered.

“Wonderful. Thank you.”

At least Tokoyami hoped that things would be a bit better between the two of them.

However, things weren’t better after that. In fact, it seemed like Kouda was starting to avoid Tokoyami more and more, and, what was more surprising was that more than once he snapped at Tokoyami, telling him to leave him alone. Which would be understandable if Tokoyami was deliberately bothering him, but it started to be worrisome when they would be simply walking to their dorms in silence and Kouda would get angry at him for quite literally no reason.

Tokoyami wanted to fix things between them, but he didn’t know how. What was worse was that he started to notice little things that Kouda did, like suppressing coughs or trying to discreetly tap his chest, the type of thing that Tokoyami had to do when he was with others but the flowers started to bother him. He really wanted to talk with him, but Kouda kept avoiding the subject or getting angry and…

He didn’t know what to do.

However, an opportunity presented itself when Aizawa called for Tokoyami and Kouda to fight against each other in what the students had denominated as “Class 1-A’s strength tournament”.

And if there was something that Tokoyami had learned from Midoriya was that a fight was the best way to confront and solve the problems with your friends.

As always, the lights of the gym were pretty bright so Dark Shadow wouldn’t get out of control, and for once Tokoyami appreciated that so he wouldn’t go overboard against Kouda. He still needed help from his quirk, of course, because there was no way that he could take out Kouda -who practically towered over him- all by himself.

Or at least he personally still didn’t know how to do it.

They were standing a few feet away from each other, stretching a bit before actually starting. Kouda flashed him a nervous smile, waving at him as he wasn’t sure how to start or… he didn’t really know. However, before he could realize it, Tokoyami lunged at him, a dark matter forming on his right hand as he threw a punch at Kouda. Kouda jumped aside, yelping as he hadn’t expected that, feeling Dark Shadow’s claws grazing his face. But when he started to get up, he found himself ducking to dodge another punch from Tokoyami.

Tokoyami jumped backwards to leave Kouda some time to gather himself, Dark Shadow now fully exiting their host’s body, body quivering as they somewhat missed fighting as last time had been before getting hospitalized. Tokoyami allowed himself to pet his quirk and then squared up once more.

It was just then that it fully dawned on Kouda that Tokoyami was very serious about all of that. He had thought that…

When he blinked, he found Dark Shadow inches away from his face, and had to dodge another attack. Tokoyami saw something change in Kouda, his shoulders tensing up, and he smiled, knowing that now, it was on. They locked eyes and Tokoyami nodded, daring Kouda to come at him. Which he did, running towards him and jumping to not only avoid Dark Shadow but also to get closer to his adversary without losing too much energy.

However, it only took Tokoyami one step to the side at the last moment to dodge Kouda’s attack, and Kouda got caught with his impulse, unable to recover himself in time before Dark Shadow hit him directly on his back, sending Kouda straight to the floor. When he fell on the ground, Kouda couldn’t help but gasp, the breath quickly turning into a coughing fit he tried to hide.

“...Come on,” said Tokoyami, Dark Shadow slamming a claw against the floor. “If everything is alright, get up.”

It took him a couple of seconds, but Kouda finally got back to his feet, giving himself a slap on the chest before getting ready again. When Dark Shadow lunged towards him again, Kouda blocked the attack this time instead of dodging it, grabbing the creature by the arm and throwing them to the side. Tokoyami groaned, feeling something tensing inside of him as Dark Shadow yelped, surprised. The creature was clearly disoriented and wasn’t ready to protect their host when Kouda charged towards Tokoyami, aiming for the legs to make him lose his balance.

Tokoyami dodged that attack jumping and kicking Kouda on the chest, making fall yet again. However, instead of letting him hit directly on the floor, Dark Shadow slid under him at the last second, softening the fall at the cost of another unpleasant feeling in Tokoyami’s core.

Kouda stood up yet again, staggering as the world spinned around him.

“...Nothing to say?” panted Tokoyami, staring at Kouda. “You’re really planning to… act like nothing’s wrong?”

Kouda simply stared back at him, breathing heavily. He then jumped towards him again, swinging a fist towards Tokoyami’s side. Tokoyami blocked it, groaning when feeling the impact, but managed to kick him. Kouda took the hit, clenching his teeth, but directed another punch at him. Tokoyami ducked to avoid it, and then thrusted against Kouda’s abdomen, pushing him backwards. Kouda staggered again, and got ready to fight back, but another kick to his stomach made him fall yet again, rolling on the ground to avoid another of Dark Shadow’s claws as it hit the floor, the creature having recovered from the multiple hits but having to stay away as a short range battle wasn’t really his thing unless he fusioned with their host and they still had to practice that more as they needed to train to get back in their proper shape since they got out of the hospital.

Kouda stood up again, wiping sweat from his forehead and tears starting to peek from his eyes.

“So?” 

Tokoyami’s voice resembled more a gasp for air than anything else, at least for those who were looking at the fight from afar; however, Kouda tensed up again, having understood what his friend meant.

Instead of answering, Kouda ran towards him once more, stopping just to avoid another of Tokoyami’s punches, swinging back at him but missing too. However, when Tokoyami tried to kick him, Kouda grabbed him by the leg, throwing him with all of his strength in the air. Dark Shadow reunited with their host as he still was flying, ready to help him get back down if so asked. But, Tokoyami had other plans, grabbing onto Dark Shadow’s arm and getting thrown against Kouda, hitting him right onto his chest as they both fell.

Kouda gasped for air, but it was as if his body moved on its own, securing his grasp onto Tokoyami as he rolled to one side, pinning him to the ground. Tokoyami struggled to get him off him, to no avail as Kouda was way too heavy for him. Kouda took that moment to try to calm his own breathing, hoarse and irregular as he not only fought to keep Tokoyami under control but he also tried to hold back the urge he had to cough uncontrollably, and probably throw up who knows how many petals that were stuck in his chest. 

Tokoyami had noticed that, letting him do so for a moment, as he really didn’t want to make him suffer. After a moment, he started contorting his body once more, trying to get rid of Kouda.

“...j-just admit it…” said Tokoyami, stopping again. “I-It’s not that hard, K-Kouda.”

His friend blinked furiously, looking at the ceiling for a couple of seconds to hold back the tears that wouldn’t stop threatening to pour out of his eyes.

“...c-can’t y-you stop..:” he finally muttered, tightening his grip on Tokoyami as the latter started fighting again.

Tokoyami snorted.

“You’re angry at me a-and I don’t e-even know why. So, no.”

He kicked the floor underneath him with his heels, managing to shake up Kouda who groaned.

“...w-why won’t y-you let it go…?” asked Kouda, despair sipping into his voice.

It was at that moment that Dark Shadow finally swept in, slamming their body against Kouda to push him off Tokoyami, who didn’t wait to get back up. It took Kouda a little more to do so, rubbing a hand against his face to dust off his cheeks.

“...j-just, why…?” whispered Kouda, hand clenching his shirt as he really started to have trouble breathing.

Tokoyami was back at attacking him, each of his punches getting blocked by Kouda who now was only walking backwards, suffering some spasms each time he couldn’t breathe. Tokoyami stopped his incessant attacks, allowing Kouda an opportunity to fight back, which he took, swinging a quick punch followed by a kick to the thigh. 

Tokoyami staggered back ever so slightly but swung towards Kouda one last time, rotating a leg behind Kouda to make him lose balance but using Dark Shadow to grab him by his shirt to not make him fall.

They stared at each other in silence, breathing and panting heavily.

“...because I… fucking care about you,” finally managed to muster Tokoyami, clicking his tongue, disappointed by the fact that he had to say it for Kouda to understand it.

Kouda watched his friend’s face with caution, squinting during a moment as if trying to make sure that Tokoyami wasn’t lying. After a moment, and seemingly finally convinced, he lifted up his hands, closing his eyes as he admitted defeat.

They heard Aizawa’s voice, who seemed way more far away than it really was, telling them that they did a good job and that they could stop now . Tokoyami stared at Kouda some more, skin pleasantly prickling for a moment, and finally snapping out of his daze, pulling Kouda to help him stand up properly. His friend finally opened his eyes, trying to smile at Tokoyami although it quickly faltered as he started coughing, pressing a closed fist against his mouth to silence himself.

“...Need help?” quietly asked Tokoyami, rubbing a hand against his friend’s back.

Kouda nodded, a quiet “sorry” making his way out of his mouth between cough and cough.

After excusing themselves -Tokoyami said that he might have hit Kouda on the chest way too hard, which the others seemed to believe although Aizawa did arched an inquisitive eyebrow-, they made their way outside of the gym and to the water fountain.

“...How the tables turned, huh?” joked Tokoyami as he helped Kouda sit down on the bench after drinking his fair share of water.

Kouda only chuckled, massaging his throat with a hand, fingers gently pressing against it.

“I am… sorry if I got carried away,” added Tokoyami, taking a seat next to Kouda.

“...i-i also fought b-back, s-so I guess w-we’re even…”

“I guess so.”

Another silence fell between the two of them.

“S-So…” Tokoyami cleared his throat, “the, uhm, flowers?”

Kouda shrugged.

“...I-I still don’t know who…”

Kouda’s tone was what Tokoyami could describe as flat or monotone, which made him doubt his friend’s honesty, but he didn’t give it more thought. At least Kouda had admitted that he was sick, infected, whatever it was, so now he would be able to help him as Kouda had done for him.

“...By the way…” said Tokoyami, Kouda turning to look at him, “...you really put a heck of a fight, yes? Even Dark Shadow is impressed, taking into account that you could not use your quirk.”

“...as Satou says, you gotta put your muscles at work…” muttered Kouda. The comment made Tokoyami burst out laughing, which also made Kouda smile, “...no, but… t-thanks.”

Todoroki and Bakugou were having a karaoke showdown in the common room, the rest of the class cheering them on. Tokoyami was sitting next to Sero, rolling his eyes each time Bakugou screamed insults at his opponent. Kouda had just left to go to his room to get a sweater as he was just wearing a shirt and was getting cold, Tokoyami having asked him more than once if he was feeling okay or if he needed any help, to which Kouda only sighed and shook his head.

The song seemed to never end, some already growing tired of it.

“...I’m going to the kitchen to get something or I’ll lose my mind if I hear Bakugou screaming “die” another time…” muttered Sero, loud enough for others to hear and laugh.

“Would you mind me accompanying you? I would be glad to take a break… Before my eardrums start bleeding,” said Tokoyami.

“Sure! Suit yourself.”

They walked down the hallway, making small talk. Once they arrived, Sero chose his drink almost without thinking, going for a can of soda, which he opened and took a sip as he waited for Tokoyami to make his choice.

Tokoyami was having more trouble making a decision, staring blankly at his options, wondering how the hell they had so many different options.

“So, eh, can I ask you something? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to,” asked Sero, staring at his can.

Tokoyami ended up choosing the same soda as Sero, shrugging.

“Of course, go on.”

Sero thought about how to phrase his question.

“How was it to… You know, the flowers,” he finally said, abandoning the idea of making an elegant and well-phrased sentence.

“What is it you want to know exactly?”

“...I don’t know, like… How does it feel? Do you, like, feel them sprouting? Growing? Or is it like… Ugh, I want to puke, oh shit a flower, then nothing else until the next nausea?”

Tokoyami cracked open his can as he thought of what to say.

“Well, I did not feel them growing at all. It is more like what you said, suddenly feeling the urge to vomit and, erhm, when doing so, you find petals. There are not always full flowers, at least in my case. After the first time, you then start coughing up petals, so it is not always… disgusting and gross... puke…” he muttered, doing his best to drink from the damned can.

“Oh, I see, I see… Interesting. Thanks.”

“It is nothing.”

“And… Who…?” started saying Sero, laughing when seeing the look Tokoyami shot him. “Kidding! I’m just kidding!”

Sero laughed even harder when Tokoyami started grumbling something under his breath.

“C’mon man! A bit of humour, huh?” he hit him on the back a couple of times, making Tokoyami choke on his soda.

He was sent into a coughing fit, almost spilling his drink.

“O-Oh shit, Toko…! You okay?” Sero leaned towards him, this time patting his back with less strength.

Tokoyami gave him the thumbs up as he kept coughing. As unpleasant as it was, he wouldn’t die because of that, just because his soda had gone down the wrong way.

“...w-water…” he managed to muster.

Sero sprung into action, handing Tokoyami a glass of water, which the latter managed to drink from.

“...I will be damned…” said Tokoyami, rubbing a hand against his beak. He hadn’t missed that feeling at all .

“Dude, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t expect… Y-You know.”

“Yes, yes, again, do not worry, it is not your fault that I am still so… fragile.”

Sero snorted.

“Don’t say that! It’s not because you almost choked on your drink that you are. Besides,” Sero jabbed his friend’s side with his elbow, which made Tokoyami grimace, “you remember your fight with Kouda, right? That was epic. A little weird since you weren’t both using your quirks and all, and Bakugou kept complaining that it wasn’t flashy enough… But it still was great!”

Ah yes, the fight. It had been more or less a week since it took place, but Tokoyami found himself thinking more about it. And perhaps feeling guilty because his sole objective had been to slap some sense into Kouda. Or, well, punch some sense into him. And he had done so. Although he also remembered Kouda pinning him down.

Tokoyami cleared his throat, his coughing fit having bothered him more than he had first thought.

“...It really was nothing, I just… did it like I always do…”

“Don’t be so humble! You almost just died and carried yourself so greatly!”

“O-Oh, please…”

Sero was pretty blunt, but he meant well, so Tokoyami still felt pretty flustered despite the way he spoke about what Tokoyami had gone through. That kind of attitude was actually refreshing compared to how their classmates acted around him.

Tokoyami opened his beak to speak again, but he was interrupted by another cough.

“Still having trouble?” asked Sero.

“...It does appear like that…” muttered Tokoyami, frowning.

“Do you want another glass of water? Or should I…”

Before either of them could understand what was going on, Tokoyami found himself crouching, a hand on his beak and another around his throat as he was sent into another coughing fit. Sero kneeled next to him, putting a hand on his back as he tried to comfort him. And, the same way that it started, it ended, Tokoyami still covering his beak as he breathed heavily.

“...Are you… ok?” cautiously asked Sero, now extremely worried.

Tokoyami didn’t answer, still trying to get a hold on himself.

Even from the kitchen they could hear their classmates singing and screaming and shouting, although their voices sounded kinda distorted, perhaps because of the distance or because of the tension they were both feeling at the moment.

However, when he lowered his hand, and he stared at what laid on his palm with a heavy heart, fatigue already settling in his mind.

“...shit…” muttered Sero as he followed Tokoyami’s gaze.

“...oh shit indeed…” sighed Tokoyami, fist closing around the peach-colored petal.

They had gotten back with their friends after Tokoyami regained some energy and after he had asked Sero to keep his mouth shut about what had happened, and although he had seemed hesitant at first, Sero agreed to do so, although he tried to push Tokoyami to at least speak about it with Aizawa, to no avail.

Tokoyami took a seat on the couch, sighing. It really was just what he needed, wasn’t it? He rubbed a hand against one of his eyes. Couldn’t the universe leave him alone for a moment? Was it too much to ask?

He glanced at his other hand, separating slightly his fingers to look at the petal. It was clear as day to who it belonged to, but not for it was it any easier to accept. Although, this time he had had more conscience of how he had felt, or at least he knew that he had fallen for Kouda.

He sighed again. He really was very tired. Just the thought of having to go through all of that again… His stomach twisted in an unpleasant way. He didn’t think he could do it.

However… He thought he had a chance. At least, he was more sure of it than with Asui. Tokoyami felt his face heating up when remembering… things. Dear gods, it really hadn’t been useful to try and push it all down, had it? 

“Are you okay, ribbit?”

Tokoyami was startled by Asui’s voice, finding her leaning towards him and staring at him with her big eyes.

“...a-ah, yes…” he muttered.

However, Asui’s attention was caught by the petal that he was holding.

“Oh, is that Kouda’s?” she asked, Tokoyami quickly closing his fist. “Sorry, didn’t know it was a secret.”

“...no, it is nothing.”

“So, is it Kouda's? He gave it to you, ribbit?”

She really wasn’t going to let it go, was she? Tokoyami glanced at his side, but everyone seemed more invested in the singing battle between Aoyama and Ashido than anything else, so he turned towards Asui again.

“...Well, yes, sort of,” he chose to say. It worked and it really wasn’t a lie.

“And what are you gonna say to him?”

“Huh?”

“You like him back, ribbit?”

“Pardon? Do I like him… back?”

Asui stared at Tokoyami, trying to determine if he was joking or not.

“He also has the disease, right?” Tokoyami nodded. “Because of you, ribbit, right?”

“...You really do think so?”

“I mean, yes? He seemed to catch it around the time yours started to get really noticeable, ribbit…” said Asui. Noticing the confused look Tokoyami shot her, she tilted her head to one side: “...Oh, guess I didn’t tell you… I may not speak a lot always, ribbit, but I’m pretty good at analyzing people. So, I kinda knew about you.”

Tokoyami rubbed his neck, the lingering feeling of what should have been embarrassment biting his heard. 

“...So, you knew that I… You…?”

She flashed him a sort of apologetic smile.

“Sorry I couldn’t requite your feelings, ribbit, but I already have Ochako,” she said, eyes wandering to find her girlfriend. She looked at her for a moment, a dreamy daze covering her eyes for a moment; she then blinked and it disappeared. “She made cherry blossoms grow inside of me. It was… interesting to say the least, ribbit, but it wasn’t too bad for me, as I told her about my feelings and she reciprocated them, ribbit. It was nice.”

Tokoyami just listened to her in silence, unconsciously rubbing a thumb against the petal.

“Actually… It was our idea to invite you to the movie theater, and convince others to not come, ribbit… I… Well, I noticed that you weren’t… giving up, but I couldn’t say it directly to your face… I’m a coward, sorry,” Asui chuckled, but it was a sour laugh. “Ochako proposed that idea to… let you down slowly. It sounds terrible like that, ribbit, I’m sorry.”

“...Do not apologize, it is not your fault that I felt like that. If anything, I should be the one to apologize.”

“Let’s leave it at that nobody apologizes, ribbit?”

“Fair enough.”

Asui giggled.

“After the movie, we thought that it had worked, as you looked somewhat better? But that’s when it started happening with Kouda. And, if I can be honest, it’s only logical that it’s you, ribbit.”

“I guess so…”

“Hey, Tokoyami,” Asui leaned in closer, “don’t doubt yourself so much, ribbit. I know you can do it. Think that you would be doing it for him too, yeah?” 

“...I guess so…”

Asui chuckled and then nodded towards the stairs leading to the boys’ rooms.

“You should go, ribbit, he still hasn’t come back.”

Tokoyami knocked at the door.

“Kouda? It’s me, Tokoyami. I am coming in.”

He waited a couple of seconds before finally turning the knob and opening the door.

Kouda was sitting on the floor, back against his bed, a little ball of white fur that was Yuwai on his chest. He glanced at Tokoyami but quickly looked back down.

“How are you feeling?” asked Tokoyami, closing the door behind him and getting closer to Kouda.

Kouda simply shrugged, and shifted his posture so he could hug Yuwai closer. Tokoyami crouched in front of him, arms crossed over his knees. Feeling his gaze on him, Kouda glanced once more at Tokoyami, before sighing.

“...n-needed a b-bit of calm,” he finally said.

Yuwai looked up, nose happily twitching she saw Tokoyami, but she didn’t move from where she was, her priority being Kouda. 

“...heh… s-she’s happy to s-see you…”

“Really? The feeling is mutual then,” smiled Tokoyami.

That comment made Kouda chuckle.

“...w-what ‘bout you? W-Why are you h-here?”

“It was getting quite overwhelming over there, and let us admit the truth, not everyone has the best… voices,” Kouda laughed again, which warmed Tokoyami’s heart enough to give him the courage to add: “...and if you allow me to be honest once more, I was also missing you.”

Kouda lifted his head to look at him, doubt travelling across his eyes.

“...w-why?”

“Would you mind giving me your hand?”

The question caught Kouda off guard, and he just stared at his friend in confusion. But, as Tokoyami didn’t say anything else, Kouda ended up holding out one of his hands.

Tokoyami could see how much Kouda was shaking, and even if at first he thought that it might be because of nervousness, he realized that it also ought to be because he was tired and exhausted, and Tokoyami knew about it because he too had been through that. He then reached out to Kouda’s hand, gently turning it around so his palm would be facing up, and he brought one of his own hands, one he had closed, and placed it on Kouda’s, feeling him flinching when they touched.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” smiled Tokoyami, but Kouda was way too nervous to reciprocate the smile.

Finally, Tokoyami carefully gave him the petal he was still holding on to and pulled back. Kouda’s face went through a mix of expression, mainly guided by confusion, but eventually, surprise won over him. His eyes widened when realizing what it was Tokoyami had given him, and his eyes went from the petal to Tokoyami and back to the petal.

“...t-this, uhm… U-Uhm?” he then asked, his mind clearly not being able to process it all.

“I would have given you the flower, but it seems that this time I only had the right to a single petal,” shrugged Tokoyami. “Although, if I am correct, it looks like a peony to me.”

Kouda nodded, bringing back his hand for closer inspection. He then looked back at Tokoyami.

“...w-when?”

“Actually, not so long ago, but this time I am more confident in my feelings, so waiting did not seem too necessary.”

“...h-huh…” Kouda stared again at the petal, seemingly even afraid to touch it.

After a moment, he dared to bring his other hand up, gently caressing the petal with the tip of his finger.

“...me…?” his voice sounded so faint and hesitant.

Tokoyami hummed in approval.

“Yes, you.”

Kouda slowly nodded, eyes still stuck on his hands; then, he put them together, and being careful to not bother Yuwai, he brought them up and squeezed them against his chest, letting out a soft sigh.

Tokoyami also let out a breath, although his sigh was because he was starting to feel a bothersome pressure in his chest as he waited for an answer from Kouda, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all. He had even started to sink his nails in his knees, a nervous and not really good habit he had picked up not so long ago. And his heart skipped a beat when Kouda looked back at him, this time daring to smile. He whispered something to Yuwai, to which she answered by jumping off him, going straight to her bed which was near Kouda’s desk. Kouda then reached for something on his bed, a folded tissue, which he then handed to Tokoyami, avoiding his gaze.

When he unfolded the tissue, he found some ladybird poppies petals, which were of a deep shade of red with a big black mark near where the petals connected at the center of the flower. Tokoyami felt a shiver running down his spine when looking at them.

“...Me?” he then asked.

“...i-i… t-they remind m-me of your eyes…” muttered Kouda.

“...I see…” 

A wave of relief seemed to cross the room when they locked eyes, and when they smiled, this time it was something from the bottom of their hearts. Kouda even dared to shift his posture and lean slightly forward, reaching a careful hand towards Tokoyami, which the latter took, gently rubbing a thumb against the back of Kouda's hand.

It turns out that, if you suffer from Hanahaki disease, once your feelings are requited, your body has to get rid of some of the flowers and leaves so they won’t hurt you, but it will still keep the roots because it is, after all, what symbolizes your love for that other person.

Tokoyami was lucky enough that his flowers had just started to grow inside of him. Kouda, on the other hand, was soon hit by nausea, and he had to run off to the restroom accompanied by a worried Tokoyami who stayed with him as he threw up. It wasn’t exactly romantic, and certainly not what either of them had expected after confessing their love for the other, but as they both had to previously surgically remove their flowers for other persons, they really weren’t going to complain about that.

“How are you feeling, dear?” asked Tokoyami, peaking his head into the stall.

Kouda, who was kneeling next to the toilet with an elbow on the seat as he held his head, said something under his breath.

“Pardon?”

“...t-this is s-so embarrassing…” muttered Kouda, closing his eyes.

“Do not say that! It is completely normal for you to go through this because-”

“...n-no, not that… W-Well, this too, but u-uhm…”

“What?” Tokoyami tilted his head to one side, when it dawned on him: “O-Oh, the “dear” part?” Even if Kouda stayed in silence, it was enough of an answer. “Would you like something else? Honey? Love?”

Kouda whined softly, covering his face with his other hand. Too many things had happened in too little time and he needed much more time to process all of it.

“...We can talk about this in another time, if you so wish to,” said Tokoyami. “Would you like something to drink? Water? A cup of tea, maybe? We can go back to my room or yours if you wish to rest. Of course, I can also leave you alone if you would prefer it…”

“...a-a cup of tea is fine…” said Kouda, daring to look at Tokoyami. “...m-my room is f-fine too… a-and you c-can stay w-with me.”

“...Yes, yes. Wonderful. I will take care of it. I will be back in no time to make sure you are still okay, yes?”

“...t-there’s no need to…” started to say Kouda.

Tokoyami interrupted him, scoffing.

“There is no way I am letting anything happen to you now. Also, you were of great help when I was not feeling good, so allow me to return the favor.”

“...I-I just wanted to s-say that I was feeling b-better, s-so there’s no need f-for you to come back b-because I can g-go with you…” said Kouda, snorting.

An embarrassed Tokoyami stared at him, blinking slowly as he realized how stupid and arrogant it was for him to say that.

“...R-Right. E-Erhm…” he cleared his throat, “...need help getting up?”

“P-Please?”

When Kouda got to his feet, he staggered ever so slightly, the world spinning for a couple of seconds until he blinked and it all went back to normal. Tokoyami, who was still holding onto his hand, gently squeezed it in his.

“Everything alright, dear?” Kouda blushed furiously but nodded. “Great, so, tea?” And Kouda nodded again.

They started to make their way to the kitchen, when Kouda suddenly stopped.

“Is there something wrong?”

Kouda shook his head. It took him a moment, but he finally took a deep breath and said:

“...I… I really like you…”

And Tokoyami lifted their intertwined hands, gently rubbing his beak against them, and said:

“I do too.”