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They watch Zhongli’s retreating figure, bathed in the glow of the afternoon sun. Aether, taking quick note of the distress on Kaeya’s face, speaks to him with words enveloped in sunshine. “You worry too much,” the Traveler tells his worried friend. “It might be nothing more than wedding jitters.”
Kaeya keeps his eyes on his fiancee’s retreating back, hand clutching his heart. He says nothing for a moment, voice taken by the worry streaming through him, then he turns to Aether and Paimon with a heavy heart. “Something’s going on, all right, and it’s definitely not wedding jitters.”
Paimon chirps at him in panic, gentle and frantic. “What’s the matter, Blue Kitty? Don’t tell us you’re still worried about Mr.Zhongli and Ningguang having a fling? They keep telling you they’re just really super duper good friends!”
“Yeah, that’s kinda not what’s going on here,” Kaeya replies, fists clenched, shaking off the last fragments of jealousy that always stemmed from Zhongli’s relationship with Ningguang. For a while, the Calvary Captain found it impossible to cope with Zhongli being such close friends with such an incredibly beautiful woman. Fortunately, he’s recently been able to cope with their friendship-and now considers Ningguang to be one of his many friends. But-
“Something else is definitely wrong, though.”
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The gentleness of twilight blanketed Liyue, its touch as soft as starlight. But as the mythical kingdom of stars, memories and bonds approached a monumental day, one part of that monumental day found it impossible to sleep. His fiancee’s retreating figure kept him awake, along with the short, cryptic manner of their last conversation.
They discussed preparations for the rapidly approaching celebration, but instead of launching into great, extensive detail on his requests for the wedding, Zhongli barely said anything. He smiled as their last conversation came to an end, but Kaeya couldn’t shake off the uneasiness that sprang from his fiancee’s odd behavior.
Then there was that glance from Ningguang. Kaeya may not have been sure, but it felt as if she shared his concern. She couldn’t speak on it, but there really was something there.
Frantic knocking on his door cut off Kaeya’s thoughts. He called Aether’s name, then Jean’s, wondering if the two of them are repeating earlier attempts to calm his nerves. But the moment he opens the door, he realizes just how wrong he is. His heart almost flies through his mouth, and his eyes meet the last pair of eyes he expected to see.
“Zhongli!”
They were supposed to remain apart until the wedding ceremony. And Kaeya, despite the excruciating need to see him, chose to honor the traditions his fiancee revered. But-
Right in front of him is the last person he expected to see.
Kaeya’s fears are immediately confirmed. The sadness in the brunette’s eyes is so deep, it cuts into the Captain with unforgiving ferocity. Before the former Archon can speak, the Knight of Favonius seizes him by the arm and pulls him into the room. The door is closed in an instant. The air becomes unbearably thin and thick all at once, unbearably difficult to breathe. “Forgive me, darling,” Zhongli pleads, uncharacteristically distressed, falling apart right before Kaeya’s eyes. The Knight gently urges Zhongli to sit on his bed, then sits beside him, his face aglow with incalculable anxiety and tenderness.
Unfortunately, Aether’s friend doesn’t get the opportunity to voice his concern. The ethereal businessman immediately speaks, seconds away from tears, gripping Kaeya’s hands. “I’m so sorry, my flower. I can’t come up with anything.”
Kaeya’s eyes widen. “What?”
“I can’t come up with anything, dearest. Time after time, I’ve come up empty-handed. The words-they just won’t come.”
“The words? Hold on, what are you-“
The sadness in Zhongli’s voice and eyes cuts through him far worse than any blade ever could. “I fear I’ve made a horrible mistake, my darling. I cannot marry you. Not like this.”
Zhongli’s fiancee wraps his hands around the back of the brunette’s head, then buries that head into his chest. Kaeya’s mind is in a thousand different shreds, but he remains as calm and strong as he can possibly be. Despite a rapidly beating heart, he emits the warmest, most loving energy to a fiancee that’s in dire need of it. “What words are you talking about?” he asks, because he knows the mistake doesn’t have anything to do with Ningguang. A little while ago, Kaeya would’ve feared Zhongli entertaining unresolved feelings for his long-time friend. But at that moment, he knew. He knew that the first and last love of his life was his, and his alone.
Something else was wrong.
The response that comes is muffled, small and hoarse. “My vows, dearest. They just won’t come. And I can’t marry you as I am. I just can’t. I can’t. I’m so sorry, beloved.”
“Hold on. What do you think you are?”
Hearing the words that come, and seeing the golden eyes that accompany them, are far worse than slowly being boiled alive.
“A failure.”
Kaeya would’ve preferred taking arrows to the chest. The helplessness on his fiancee’s face skewers him, making him feel as though he’s having his flesh slowly peeled off with a toothpick. He stiffens, and his heart stops for what must’ve been an eternity, a tidal wave of horror casting it into the void.
His mouth turns dry, the mere act of breathing being no different from climbing a mountain. The ground disappears. The one and only love of his life is no longer the cheerful, confident and serene brunette he’s so familiar with-Zhongli’s falling apart, right there in his very arms. And it’s quite possibly the worst feeling in the world.
Far worse than anything his father or Diluc put him through.
The bundle in Kaeya’s arms speaks with a fragile, broken voice. “I’m afraid I’ve made a horrible mistake, beloved. The words I long to speak with will not come, because I’ve thrown everything away. I’ve thrown myself away. I thought casting aside my life as an Archon was the right choice, but I was sadly mistaken. I can’t protect our fair and beautiful land like this. Nor can I protect you. I am a coward and a failure.”
Kaeya’s ready to kill whatever or whoever brought this on. There’s an invisible bullet going through him, over and over again, and there’s absolutely nothing he can do. Everything hurts. But he remains strong. Remains as calm as he possibly can. Reminds himself to breathe. He has to. “I don’t know what it’s like to be an Archon,” he begins, his voice hoarse, cracking, fighting to remain strong. It hurts, thinking of what he doesn’t know about Zhongli, thinking of the wounds he cannot heal.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through. But you’re mistaking courage for cowardice. You made the decision to leave behind a life you lived, for thousands of years. You made the decision to leave behind everything you’ve ever known, everything you’ve ever been, for the unknown. That’s a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. And sure, you gave up your Gnosis, but it really hasn’t made that much of a difference. I haven’t noticed anything. Aether and the others haven’t noticed anything different either.”
“And the people of Liyue love you. Just as you are. They don’t love you because you were Rex Lapis or whoever else you were in the past. They love the breathtakingly beautiful man I’m about to marry: Zhongli.”
Kaeya’s heart skips a beat, then another. Everything he’s saying is working. It’s making a difference. Zhongli doesn’t feel as heavy as he did just a few moments ago. “And if you expect me to believe you can’t protect Liyue any more because you aren’t an Archon, I’ve got a castle to sell you. You’ve always gone above and beyond the call of duty to keep this land and its people safe. Nothing has changed.”
“Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you want to go after La Signora and get your Gnosis back, I will do everything in my power to help you. If you choose to spend the rest of your life as a mortal, then I’m still on your side. In this life and in the next. I’m always going to be on your side. I love you. So do our friends. Liyue loves you. So don’t worry about us. Make the decision that’s best for you. Figure out what you want to do, and don’t turn back.”
The Calvary Captain runs his hands through Zhongli’s hair, then traces the contours of his back. He holds the brunette close in silence, their minds, bodies and hearts beating as one. “You aren’t a failure,” Kaeya murmurs, rocking him back and forth, smiling, speaking through a world blurred by tears.
“You’re anything but a failure, babe. You’re Zhongli.”
The former Archon keeps his head buried in the other’s chest, trembling but nowhere near as heavy-hearted as he was before. His silence is one of relief, love and gratitude.
“Thank you, Kaeya. My beloved flower. Thank you.”