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Kaminari stood in Mina’s doorway. He gripped his phone tight by his side, his text conversation with Shinsou still glaring through his fingers.
Do you wanna watch a movie or somthn :p
That can help distract ya
Or if you want to talk I can come over
I think I need to be by myself right now
When Kaminari had gotten that text 20 minutes ago, he’d set his phone beside his bed and let the rejection wash over him. Shinsou wanting to be alone these days was hardly a surprise, so he didn’t know why he had gotten his hopes up.
But shit, he wanted to help. Or at least try?
Unless he couldn’t help at all.
Some people work through things internally! He chided himself. That’s all this is.
It wasn’t that Kaminari was loud and occasionally obnoxious. That wasn’t it.
If it was just—if it was really—if Shinsou—if he didn’t want to be around Kaminari, Kaminari didn’t know if he could handle it.
So he pushed that thought way down to the bottom of his heart and reached for his backpack.
That was 20 minutes ago. Now, here he was, walking into Mina’s doorway, expecting to ask for a spare pencil and leave just as quickly.
But here he was, staring Shinsou in the face. Shinsou, sitting in the social circle that had gathered in Mina’s room.
And Kaminari was the odd one out. His skin felt like it had started peeling off, leaving him open and raw in the middle of someone else’s study session.
“Oh,” Kaminari said. “I thought you—I thought you wanted to be alone,” he said, not even trying to hide the way his voice cracked.
Shinsou shrugged. “I thought some social time might be good.”
“Oh, okay, I get it. That’s fine.” Kaminari swallowed down the very real pain of not fine. “I’ll just, uh, leave you to your social time.”
Shinsou was looking at Kaminari with some kind of vacant expression.
Kaminari pressed his palms tightly to his side. His fingers trembled into his thighs. A shaky exhale slowly slipped from his lips as he stared back at Shinsou. He was frozen in place, the sharp icy spikes rolling up from his toes and piercing through his lungs. He almost felt dizzy, staring into those vacant eyes.
He doesn’t want you.
Kaminari stumbled backwards. Shinsou’s blank expression wavered for a moment.
He doesn’t want you.
Kaminari gripped the doorframe as he pulled himself out of the room.
He almost, almost didn’t hear the resigned sigh from Shinsou behind him.
Kaminari fled to his room, throwing himself through the door and onto the floor. He scraped his hands across the ground, letting the sensation pull through his fingers and up his nails. He was fighting back tears with every breath. His diaphragm stuttered as he continued pressing against the ground.
What did I do? What changed?
Kaminari reached up and tugged at his hair, dragging his nails down his neck and shoulders. No—no—he slammed his palms back to the ground and scraped along the floor again.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is help? Why am I not good enough to help? Why does he need to avoid me?
Kaminari focused on pressing his hands on the ground.
Do I talk too much? Change the topic? Does he think I’m annoying? Oh god, does he? No, I can’t be annoying, I have friends, surely they would have told me? Clingy? Is that it? I’m too cli—
A knock at the door.
Kaminari’s head jerked up. He scraped his palms against the floor, and then wiped his hands on his pants. He inhaled and pushed his hair out of his face. He exhaled and gripped the side of his bed as he pushed himself to his feet.
There was nothing else from the door.
Kaminari sighed and shuffled forward. He opened the door to a wide-eyed Shinsou.
“What do you want,” Kaminari said.
Shinsou grimaced. “I thought I should ask you what’s wrong.”
The wording should not have hurt that much. If Kaminari was a reasonable person, someone who wasn’t so outrageously clingy and obnoxious, that would be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Shinsou was at his door after ignoring him for the entire evening.
It was really only one word that burned.
I thought I should ask you what’s wrong.
I thought I should ask.
I should.
Should.
Kaminari would ask Shinsou to lunch, Shinsou would say “if you want”. Kaminari would ask to hold hands, Shinsou would reject him, then take his hand when he felt obligated to. Kaminari would feel dismissed and utterly rejected, and Shinsou would follow up only because he thought he should ask what was wrong.
He doesn’t want you.
“If you don’t want to be around me, you know you can just say it.” Kaminari felt his face start to tremble. “I can handle it.”
That was defiantly a lie, judging by the pressure building behind Kaminari’s eyes.
Shinsou blinked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “What?”
Kaminari forced the scream in his chest down, pressing his lips together so it erupted as some sort of pathetic whimper. “What do you mean, ‘what’?” He wrung his hands together. “Did you seriously think I wouldn’t notice? If you don’t want me around, please just tell me.”
Kaminari threw a stray tear off his face.
Shinsou seemed to pause. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
Kaminari felt another tear in his chest. This time, a more vicious yell threatened to erupt from his throat. “That’s not it! That’s never it!”
Shinsou was only staring now, his mouth agape.
“I don’t want you to leave me alone, I want you to care! Did Mina tell you that you should come over here? I know I’m high-maintenance, so if you need to be around someone else you—” Kaminari’s words caught in his throat as hot tears began racing down his face—"you can just say so.” Kaminari wrapped his arms around himself to hold back the sobs that were starting to ripple through his body. “I know I’m touchy. So just tell me if that’s it.”
“Oh.”
Kaminari dug his fingers into his hair. “Oh? That’s it?” He scrubbed his hands over his face, letting his tears fall between his fingers. He took a jittery breath. “If you’re going to break up with me, please just get it over with.”
Shinsou was quiet. Kaminari couldn’t bear to look up.
He could feel Shinsou’s presence next to him. He waited for the words. The final nail in the coffin.
Instead, he felt two arms wrap tentatively around his waist.
Shinsou was embracing him. “I made you cry,” he said.
“Wha—I mean, I’m being a little needy, it’s not—”
“I made you cry,” Shinsou repeated, his fingers gripping Kaminari tighter, now. Each one ached with an unspoken promise. Shinsou’s body trembled against Kaminari.
Kaminari could do nothing as he froze there, his arms heavy and stiff. His feet were screwed into the ground, keeping him completely level as the room began to swell, warp his vision, and run down his cheeks.
Shinsou took a deep breath. “I don’t want to break up.”
Somehow, that just made Kaminari sob harder.
Shinsou lifted one of his hands and ran his fingers through Kaminari’s hair. Kaminari began counting his breaths. He could feel Shinsou’s fingers tugging into his hair, but it wasn’t painful.
The world was rotating much slower.
Kaminari took a breath. “I guess I’ve just felt left out of my own relationship,” he said.
Shinsou stiffened but didn’t pull away. Kaminari could feel Shinsou inhale before pulling him in closer.
The room slowed to a stop.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Shinsou said.
Kaminari blinked and pulled back in surprise. He gaped at Shinsou. “And you think I do? I know nothing about dating.”
The corner of Shinsou’s mouth twitched upward. “Says the massive flirt.”
Kaminari sighed. “Flirting is easy! Dating is hard.”
A soft smile was resting on Shinsou’s face, now. Kaminari didn’t get to admire it for long, however, because Shinsou’s head began to slowly tip forward into Kaminari’s shoulder. His face was warm against Kaminari’s skin.
Kaminari took a slow breath. He lifted his arms carefully, feeling Shinsou’s soft exhales on his chest. He froze there, tension buzzing under his fingertips.
“I’m sorry,” Shinsou murmured. “Forgive me.”
Kaminari let his arms fall around Shinsou, the fuzziness fleeing his body the second he did.
Shinsou jolted slightly, but quickly wrapped his arms around Kaminari’s waist again. He continued to hide his face in Kaminari’s embrace.
“Hey,” Kaminari started, his voice wavering, “You think you can tell me what’s up?”
Or I’m gonna overthink this. Or it’ll happen again. Or this will only be a bandaid fix. Or we might—
Shinsou inhaled sharply. “I—”
“If you can’t, that’s totally fi—”
Shinsou’s body jerked out of his arms as he pulled back and glared at him with eyes full of disbelief. Kaminari’s words died in his mouth.
Shinsou dropped back into Kaminari’s arms.
Kaminari felt him take a breath.
Kaminari felt his own hands start to buzz again, but he pressed his hands into Shinsou and it dispersed easily and unnoticed.
“Something…happened. During some off-the-clock training. Freaked me out.” Shinsou kept his head down.
A million questions began running through Kaminari’s mind. What happened? Was it a quirk thing? Wait. Off-the-clock training? With who? What does that mean? How does—
“I know you want more than that. I can’t give that to you yet. That’s not to say we won’t see ‘yet’ someday.”
What?
“We’ll see a yaht someday?”
Shinsou laughed weakly. “This is what I get for trying to sound poetic. I’m saying that I can’t tell you now.” He lifted his head to look at Kaminari. He moved one hand around and held a pointed finger between their faces. “But someday.”
Shinsou tapped his finger gently to Kaminari’s nose. A spark of static flew off of his finger and pinched the tip of Kaminari’s nose.
Kaminari’s jaw dropped. “Did you just use my own static against me?”
Shinsou glared at him. “You have no proof.”
Kaminari pulled Shinsou closer, wrapping himself in Shinsou’s embrace as he closed his eyes. “Someday?”
Shinsou hummed. “Do you want to play some video games and stay up way too late?”
“Absolu—wait, didn’t you need space?”
Shinsou leaned out of the hug, but kept his arms wrapped around Kaminari. He stared at Kaminari for a moment, before leaning in and kissing him sweetly on the lips. “This is more important.”