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Dating.
Love.
Romance.
Everyone wants that.
Right?
Kunikida was certain he wanted those things, the only reason he didn’t seem as eager as his peers was because he needed to be guided by rules, by structure. He needed to look at it logically, with his brain and not any other part of his body.
He needed to make a list, that would do it.
A list that detailed his ideal…. Woman?
Yeah, he’d never really looked at a man and thought wow.
(He tried to quell the voice that queried if he’d ever looked at a woman like that)
It made sense, most of the population were straight, so he probably was to. It wasn’t like he was stuck to that, he could always (quietly) keep his options open.
(It’s not like he met many pretty people, so if his mind went wow! Then of course, he was going to follow that thought, regardless of gender, as it obviously knew something it wasn’t telling the rest of him)
It took him three months to work out his ideal woman, but his fifty-eight-point list was finally complete.
He could finally interact with his peers when they talked about their latest crushes.
They found his list strange, labelled him ‘picky’ then moved on, leaving him on the edges of those conversations.
(He didn’t want to acknowledge the relief he felt at that)
The ‘picky’ label stayed.
Even his colleagues in the ADA left him be when the topic of romance came up.
He was grateful he didn’t have to admit that he was a grown man who’d never had sex, let alone kissed someone.
He was grateful he was too busy to date, so he could ignore the fear in the back of his mind.
He was grateful that his inexperience meant he didn’t really know what he was missing out on.
Dazai of course, loved teasing him for his fifty-eight-point list.
“Kunikida-Kuuun look, she fits points one through forty on your list!”
“Kunikida-Kuun oh a rare fifty-seven and a half pointer!”
“Kunikida-Kuuuun, look at her boobs!”
“Kunikida-Kuuun what was your first kiss like?”
“Kunikida-Kuun do you even want to have sex?”
(Dazai got punched for that question)
Dazai continued, voice softer, full of concern
“Kunikida? It’s okay if you don’t, you know that, right?”
Didn’t…want it?
But he wanted it?
(Or did he just want the appearance of being ‘normal’, that despite his ability he could be just a normal twenty-something man?)
“Kunikida, have you ever looked at someone and wanted to see more of them? Touch their body? Feel their lips on yours?”
Of course he had..
…not.
(He tried to push down the fear that came with those questions.)
Those wants came later, he reasoned, no one really looked at someone and thought like that, right? And he did want to do those things, he just had a bit of a fear of the unknown, who wouldn’t after leaving it so long to do those things? How would he know he didn’t like kissing or sex if he at least didn’t try?
“Doppo…you don’t have to try those things. You can just know, it’s your mind, your body, your wants. It could change, just because asexual fits now, doesn’t mean it has to still fit in a few months. It’s your love life and it’s up to you what it looks like. You can still get a happily ever after, but you it will just look different to what my happily ever after would look like, which is how it should be. If you truly want to date, then you’ll find someone who wants something similar to you. But, not dating is an option to.”
Huh.
Not…dating?
It’s not like he went on dates, and that list had caused him many, many sleepless nights trying to work out what he should want.
He wasn’t quite ready to give up his ‘picky’ label and he would have to think about it some more.
But already, he was feeling free.