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He was meant to be following Niki. She had promised to show him something cool and basically begged him to follow her. After several minutes of persistent asking, he eventually gave in. Tommy had to retrieve wood and flowers for Sam anyway, so he was certain that he could collect some on the way.
Slowly Niki became more and more agitated, beckoning Tommy to pick up the pace. A small voice at the back of his mind warned him to not trust her. She had switched sides so easily back when L’Manberg had needed her most. He recalled the sight of her standing close to Techno, idly chatting as if they had been friends for years. Shaking the thought from his mind, he decided to continue following her, but made sure to keep a safe distance away. Just in case. One thing he had learnt from his experiences is that if you instantly trust someone and their intentions, then that decision is going to come back to bite you in the ass.
However, he never realised that he was being too cautious.
All he did was split off for a second, not caring if the pink haired girl would get annoyed, to collect some red flowers. Then he noticed the ample amount of wood he could collect. Then more flowers appeared in his peripherals. Unsure of how long this cycle of collecting materials kept up for, he glanced around. Niki was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t even hear her distant pleas that asked Tommy to speed up. Around him everything looked the same. Trees, snow, flowers. There wasn’t much to see out here. This made it incredibly difficult to navigate back though.
Wandering around he continued to gather materials. If he was going to be lost, then he might as well make the most of it. He wasn’t quite sure how long he had been aimlessly walking for. A small humming distracted him from his thoughts. It increased louder and louder at a rapid pace. Uncertain at the sound, Tommy gazed up at the sky. He swears he saw a thin object being hurled through the air. He wonders what it could be. Maybe he’ll ask Tubbo about it later. That’s if he can find his way back, that is-
A deafening explosion erupted through the silent woods. The ground trembled, trees shook violently, birds flapped towards the sky. Everything seemed to spin. Loud high-pitched ringing bounced around inside his skull.
Tommy’s mind began to race. What was that? He instantly thought it was an explosion, that was the only possible explanation. Why was there an explosion? Is everything okay- is everybody alright- what happened? No, no, no, no. There shouldn’t be any more explosions. No, no, no. He should be safe, he shouldn’t be able to get hurt. All the fighting is over. Why was there an explosion- why was there an explosion- why was-
Behind the trees the sun was setting, the darkness closing in on him. His throat tightened. Tears threatened to spill. Confusion filled every crevasse of his mind as he tried to keep walking. He had to go- he had to escape whatever dangers lurked in the shadows. But breathing became difficult. He tried to convince himself that he would be safe, he would reach home unharmed but explosions have only warned him that destruction is bound to follow. Frightening bangs were usually caused by Dream.
Dream usually causes the explosions.
Tommy attempted to take another step forward. Instead he slipped, tumbling to the ground. Grasping at anything solid, his hand reached outwards. The only thing his palms could hold though was snow that instantly melted, quickly numbing his fingers. Trembling where he lay, he curled up in on himself. He weakly tried to comfort himself. Dream is in prison, Dream is in prison, Dream is in prison.
But who could be responsible for the chaos that he had just heard?
Muttering to himself, he tried to focus on something, anything. But the world kept swirling around him. His breathing sped as black dots danced across his vision.
Everything was far too overwhelming. But as the world came crashing down around him, Tommy could’ve sworn that he could just about hear the sounds of rushing footsteps and confused voices.
-----
Phil and Techno didn’t plan on taking a detour on today’s journey, but nevertheless it happened anyway. He wasn’t quite sure where they were, but what he did know was that a scarily loud explosion warned him that they should probably get back home soon.
Due to the accidental detour though, that task was a lot easier said than done.
By the time Techno claimed he recognised roughly where they were, the sun had already begun to set. Neither of them knew what the sound that they had heard before was, but they decided that it was the best to just leave it be. So steadily they made progress in what Phil hopes was the right direction.
Pulling his coat tighter around him, he shuddered. As the sun disappeared, a cold chill replaced it. They walked in a comfortable silence. Considering they were moving in the opposite direction of the explosion, there really wasn’t much to see, just trees covered in snow. So, the silence complimented the surroundings.
Well, Phil thought that he wasn’t going to see anything interesting.
He was proven wrong.
As they continued walking, an unusual object entered his vision. Hunched over in between some trees was a person. He wasn’t sure who it was, but he was confident that they were human. All he could make out was that whoever it was seemed to be shaking pretty violently as they did not have the correct clothing for the biome. Approaching the figure cautiously, he let out a soft gasp. A familiar red and white t-shirt and messy blonde hair.
It was Tommy.
Phil had two options, he could help the shivering child who was clearly hyperventilating or he could walk past as if nothing happened.
Techno seemed to like the latter of the two options, pointing out that the boy shouldn’t have travelled out this far with hardly any materials.
Phil decided to ignore the hybrids snarky comments.
Crouching down, he gently placed a hand on Tommy’s back. He almost reeled back in shock at how cold the boy was. Managing to stop himself, he began rubbing soothing circles. It almost reminded him of a long time ago, a time where he would instantly know when the boy needed comforting and would immediately begin soothing him. But that was just a distant memory, their relationship now rocky due to recent events.
Tommy flinched under Phil’s touch; his hands frantically grasped at the snow underneath him. Phil was unsure how long the child had been stuck like this and even though they might not be on the best terms right now, he wasn’t a monster. He knew he had to intervene. Carefully, he took one of the boy’s snow-covered hands and placed it on his chest.
“I’m going to need you to follow me, okay Tommy?”
Purposefully slowing down his breathing, he continue to rub the circles on the boys back. Techno towered above them both, quietly watching. Phil was certain he had gotten better at reading the piglin but as of right now, he couldn’t tell what Techno was thinking. Eventually Tommy’s breathing stabilised somewhat. However, Phil wasn’t comfortable with leaving the boy alone. Anything could probably trigger the terrified state again and Phil couldn’t begin to imagine the guilt he would feel if he just abandoned Tommy now.
Standing up, he shifted his glance to his hybrid friend, “Techno we’re going to have to take him back with us”
“No we don’t,” he retorted.
“Techno-”
“Phil its not as if we’re friends anymore, we don’t have to help him. I made that decision the day he sided with the government.”
“Techno.” Phil wasn’t going to put up with this. He watched the piglin flinch at the suddenly aggressive tone, “We are taking him with us, help me carefully pick him up.”
Techno decided against arguing with the winged man.
Phil slowly picked up the boy. Awkwardly he passed him over to Techno. As much as he wanted to be the one carrying Tommy, he was undoubtedly smaller than him, so it would be much easier for Techno to carry him. Once again they walked in silence, the only sound was the muffled sobs that escaped Tommy’s lips. Each cry making Phil’s heart break a little bit more.
Eventually the small wooden house came into sight. Sighing in relief, he opened the door, Techno following closely behind. The aforementioned lay Tommy onto the sofa before retreating into the kitchen. This didn’t surprise Phil, he knew the hybrid was not good with emotions and feelings and he didn’t expect him to help out with the situation.
Grabbing some spare blankets he sat down next to the quivering boy. For the first time, he lifted his head to meet Phil’s gaze. Phil watched as his eyes widened, as if he wasn’t sure how he got here. He was in the company of a man that he probably didn’t want to see right now. Was he really so out of it, that he didn’t even know what was happening around him?
Shakily, Tommy stood up, “I- I’m, I’m sorry. I’ll go. I’m sorry, I won’t do it-I won’t do it again-”
“Tommy,” Phil cut him off. This wasn’t the same boy he saw literal weeks ago. This wasn’t the fighter who was too stubborn to give in. Instead it was someone who looked broken and beaten. He hasn’t been like this for long though, has he? Phil would’ve noticed it before, right? He continued, “You don’t need to apologise, please sit back down.”
Wearily, he complied. His chest moved in and out far too quickly for Phil’s liking. Unfolding a blanket, he lay it over the boy’s shoulders. Then once again he grabbed the trembling hand. Tommy watched closely. Placing his calloused hand on his chest, he ordered Tommy to follow his lead again.
They sat, the world completely still. Sporadic breathing eventually levelled out. The tenseness in Tommy’s shoulders seemed to ease and the tear stains slowly faded.
Even after he had calmed down, they sat there for several more minutes, the house almost feeling tranquil.
“T-thank you,” Tommy was the one to break the silence, “I’ll, I’ll leave now. S-sorry.”
Phil winced at the apology that left the boys mouth. For as long as Phil had know him, the blonde never apologised. And now, in the last 5 minutes he had apologised several times. On top of that, he was just going to leave. Was his plan to just forget about this whole situation and act like nothing happened?
Despite the unstable relationship they had, Phil wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Tommy, what happened?” It was blunt and straight to the point but Phil assumed he had to be, or he wouldn’t get an answer.
Despite his bluntness, Tommy’s lips stayed pressed tightly together.
“You either talk to me, or you talk to Techno,” he sighed.
Tommy’s body became rigid. Phil had to stop himself from smiling at his plan. Out of the two men, he was sure Tommy felt slightly more comfortable with him rather than Techno. He knew both of them would rather die then be forced to talk to each other at the moment. The threat was a low blow, sure, but if it meant that Tommy would open up, then he was fine with doing it.
“I-” Tommy hesitated, “nothing happened.”
“Tommy I’m not stupid, it’s not normal for you to be huddled in the snow hyperventilating.” Phil wasn’t going to step down.
“I-I’m fine.” Well apparently Tommy wasn’t going to step down either.
Sighing, Phil kept on persisting, “why don’t you start small? At least tell me why you were outside alone.”
“Phil I can’t.”
“Why’s that?”
Tommy seemed to contemplate his options. Phil was concerned for him, despite everything that had happened, Tommy was still somewhat like a son to him. He wanted him to be honest, he wanted to be able to help.
“I’m scared that if I start talking I won’t stop.”
Vulnerability never suited the loud and arrogant boy. It almost unsettled Phil, the way Tommy openly admitted a weakness. Rambling was something he was know for but this time Tommy seemed frightened of the trait, as if he would slip up and say something he really didn’t want to say.
“Why are you scared of that happening?” He questioned, even though he was certain he already knew the answer. He was sure the boy was scared of confessing something he rather wouldn’t. He wanted to make sure that his suspicion was correct.
Silence as a response seemed to confirm Phil’s thoughts.
Phil wondered what had happened to the boy that it left him too scared to talk about it. He didn’t know much about the history of the server but he did understand that Wilbur was the one who spiralled into insanity. He assumed that it was only Wilbur that was negatively affected by it all, it not once crossed his mind that Tommy might’ve suffered too. He was aware that Tommy was forced into exile but at the end of the day Tommy managed to bounce back. He always managed to do that. After his exile he came back with a burning fire in his heart and then fought until the very end. He had seemed so unfazed by the previous weeks (but then again, Phil was never good at paying much attention to the young boy). He had looked fine literal days ago. So why was he now suddenly cursed with trepidation?
Getting up, he headed to the kitchen. A thought piped up that warned Phil to not leave him alone as he could easily run. However, Phil was confident Tommy wouldn’t and even if he did, he was certain that he could easily catch up to him. So, he stepped into the kitchen and filled up the kettle. At the table sat Techno, a mug of coffee already in his hands. The piglin glanced up before returning back to his book. Phil grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. If Tommy was too afraid to talk, he might as well attempt to make the setting more comfortable for the both of them. Searching through the cupboards, he found a tub of hot chocolate powder. Perfect.
“You wanna know something?” Phil almost dropped the tub at the sudden question from Techno. He nodded. “Tommy would act like that quite frequently when I found him hiding in my basement.”
For the second time Phil almost dropped the tub out of shock. “And you didn’t think to tell me about it?” He hissed.
“Phil, we both know I’m not one to comfort others. And we both know you haven’t put in much effort recently when it comes to looking after the kid. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t even consider talking to you about it. I just kind of left him by himself until it passed. He eventually stopped having the episodes anyway.”
“Oh my god,” Phil genuinely didn’t know what to say. He acknowledges that Techno had poor people skills, but he never expected him to leave a poor child to have panic attacks by himself, never offering any kind of support. If it was any other situation, Phil might’ve laughed at his friend’s awkwardness. “Techno you know full well that wasn’t the way you should’ve approached it.”
The piglin shrugged, “well Phil you weren’t here for him either, were you? Maybe we’re just as bad as each other.”
Phil might have reeled back from the harsh words if he didn’t find himself believing them. Sure, Tommy wasn’t his biological son but that never mattered. He always felt like a second son to him, easily slotting in with Wilbur. He had paid more attention to Will though. Maybe he just always gravitated towards the older boy. Maybe he shouldn’t have done so. Maybe he should have checked up on the blonde more, considering Phil was probably the only father figure the child had ever had. It was too late for “maybes” now though. One blown up nation later, the relationship had become worse than ever before. Guilt overcame him as he realised he never once tried to fix it. They never talked anymore. Tommy wouldn’t write to him to inform him about what had happened each week. Phil decided to not ask the boy how he was doing during the chaos that surrounded L’Manberg. Tommy gave him the cold shoulder. Phil decided to do the exact same. Tommy fought for the government. Phil sided with Dream. Any outsider would be able to see how broken the relationship had become.
Both of them had done regretful things in the past but he never wanted their relationship to come to this.
Pouring boiling water into the mugs he spoke, “you might be right about that mate. But it’s never too late to try and fix something, is it?”
“Phil you can’t glue a shattered relationship back together.”
“I can bloody try though Techno. I don’t know about you, but I want to know who caused him to get to that state.”
Techno didn’t respond. Phil took this as a sign that he agreed with him. On the outside Techno came across as cold and heartless. Deep down, the hybrid cared about his closest friends. And whilst he also has a strained relationship with the boy, he knew that Techno was once fond of him. And no matter how adamant Techno was about the fact that he didn’t care for Tommy, Phil knew this wasn’t true. Somehow the three of them, as well as Wilbur, had managed to form a family like bond. Techno would always strive to protect the ones he respected. So the silence he received from him, only made Phil sure at the fact that a part of Techno was also curious about what had happened to Tommy.
Picking the two mugs up he headed back to the door, “I’m going to try and talk to him. I am leaving the kitchen door open slightly, feel free to listen in to our conversation. Or don’t. It’s up to you.” Phil didn’t need to wait for a response. He knew what the piglin would do.
Walking into the room again, he placed both mugs on the coffee table. Sliding one over to Tommy, he gave a weak smile. For a moment Tommy just stared at it until he mumbled a “thanks” and proceeded to lift the hot chocolate up to his lips. Phil copied the action, sipping from his own mug.
For a moment they rested, silently enjoying the warm drinks. At least Tommy had stopped shivering now but he was still agitated and kept glancing back at the door.
Phil knew it wouldn’t be long before Tommy would insist on leaving, so he had to work quick. “So, do you want to talk about why you were alone in the woods?”
No response.
“You don’t even have to tell me what happened out there, why don’t you tell me why you set off on your journey to begin with?”
Silence.
“Or we could talk about something else. We don’t have to start with whatever happened today, we can talk about anything.”
Tommy took another slurp of his hot chocolate.
Phil placed down his mug and turned to face the boy. He hated how distant his eyes were, the blue sparkle he was so used to seeing now replaced by dull pupils. Tommy hesitantly looked back. Phil knew that eye contact would be one way to persuade him to talk.
“Toms,” he decided to use the nickname he hasn’t uttered in a long time, in hopes to gain a bit more trust, “You won’t be able to get any help if you don’t talk to anyone.”
-----
Tommy just stared. He doesn’t want help. He doesn’t need help, especially from Phil. Wishing to go home, to get away from this damn house, he glanced back at the door again. He was sure Phil knew that he was planning to do. In fact, that was probably the reason why the winged man was so persistent that Tommy should talk.
But Tommy didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want any help.
However, the idea of actually being listened to was so, so appealing to him. He had spent most of his life being told what to do, why he should fight, who he was friends with, who were his enemies. Being order around on what to do wasn’t pleasant. Last time he had trusted someone had ended tragically. Distant memories of a destroyed nation and a man he had looked up to with a sword lodged in his chest. He promised he would never open up to anyone ever again. But Phil’s genuinely concerned face made it so difficult to not give in.
“Toms,” Tommy almost flinched at the repetition of a nickname he had forgotten about, “please level with me here. Tell me something, anything, so I can help you. What has hurt you so much? Why are you so distant and quiet now?”
Hearing the hopelessness in Phil’s voice hurt his heart. Maybe he could talk to him. Just say one thing and hope that it would satisfy the man.
Yeah, he only needed to say one thing and then he could finally go home. Because he didn’t need help. He really didn’t need help.
Well, that’s what he thought. But if he didn’t need help, then why did the walls he built up as protection crumble instantly once someone offered to listen?
“Erm, I, I, it was because of- it happened because... I don’t know”
Phil rested a soft hand on his arm, rubbing his thumb is soothing motions across his skin.
“I guess if I- if I can choose what we talk about. I want...”
He carefully thought about what he was going to say. He kept reassuring himself that he didn’t need help, so he had to keep it short and simple. So why did one glance from concerned eyes make him want to open up, fully exposed? Tommy was terrified he was going to say something he didn’t want to talk about. But he was fine, so he needn’t worry, right? Stay calm. Stay focused. Don’t look Phil directly in his eyes. Say something to satisfy him. Leave. All he had to do was follow the plan.
He opened his mouth to speak, immediately turning to look at Phil. Well, he has instantly failed the first part of the plan. That’s okay though, he can still make it through, he can still say something that allows him to leave.
“Toms, I’m here for you, no matter our past, I hope you know that.”
Phil’s soft voice, his thumb still rubbing Tommy’s arm, his gentle yet worried eyes. Tommy realised that he was going to fail all components of his plan.
He claimed that he didn’t need anyone’s help, so why couldn’t he stop talking as soon as the first word escaped his lips?
-----
Tommy is slightly scared of arrows.
Considering it was a staple method of attack, he shouldn’t really be weary around them. They were useful, they really were. Arrows were effective in harming the enemy. However, this meant others could also harm you as well.
War was constantly filed with the flying weapons. That didn’t scare him. What scared him was when he stood face to face with Dream, meaning that there were only two people who were going to be using bows.
Tommy wasn’t even close to hitting Dream, his head spinning and stomach churning from the poison in his system distracted him too much. Dream had better luck. Or maybe he had a higher tolerance for poison than Tommy. He didn’t get to think about it though, as an arrow pierced through his chest, blood splattering everywhere. Water surrounding him converted from a deep blue to a murky red. Gasping for breath, the arrow and bow slipped out of his grip. It didn’t matter if he held onto them or not, he had already lost. As he drifted into unconsciousness, he silently wished that he would never have to face down a bow ever again.
-----
Tommy hated explosions. In fact, he despised most loud noises.
Whilst his uneasiness around arrows could be considered weird, he thought that this fear was completely reasonable.
Nothing ever good came from explosions. Not one, not two, but three times he had watched his nation get decimated by TNT. First, it came from underground, ripping away the grass blocks beneath him as he fled the scene. The second time it played out quite similarly as the first, just at a larger scale, bringing more destruction to the world. The third and final time, the explosives rained from the sky in what seemed like a never ending stream. Each time one hit the floor, it eroded more and more of the surrounds away until all that was left was piles of debris that occasionally revealed the sight of bedrock.
It wasn’t just the destruction of his nation that made him so frightened of loud noises though.
Fireworks erupting as they soar through the sky. Screams of terror that were too loud, escaping everyone’s lips as they watch. (Tommy would never outwardly admit it, but fireworks were something else that made him feel uneasy. But for the sake of Tubbo, he refused to show this).
Placing all his hard earned items in a small hole, only to be forced to watch it all be blown away by a single block of TNT. The sound lingering for an uncomfortably long time considering it was only one explosive.
The booming sounds echoing through a forest as the place he was exiled to was destroyed in a fit of rage. The only thing left as a reminder was mountains of rubble and one sickeningly tall pillar.
Withers screeching as they wreck havoc. The noise had become familiar to Tommy and he prayed that one day he would be able to fall asleep without hearing the cries of the monsters that had caused him so much pain. After the first time he faced them down he prayed that he wouldn’t have to hear it again. The second time it happened he cursed whatever God that was out there (he doubted that there even was a God at this point) as his prayers were never answered. Instead he was haunted by the Withers deafening screams and the sounds of detonation that followed them wherever he went.
He hoped that one day the tremendous noises wouldn’t affect him that much. Unfortunately, he doubted that he would ever be able to escape it.
-----
Tommy feels slightly uneasy whenever he sees a button by itself.
He thought it was stupid and even though he tried hard to shake away the feeling, he never could.
If he had a pound for every time a button in an enclosed space caused him copious amounts of pain, he would have 2 pounds. Which isn’t a lot, but it is weird that it has happened twice.
A simple push of a button that caused pistons to shift and secret entrances to be revealed. Rushing footsteps. Heavy axes and swords scraping on stone. A sudden ambush due to an unexpected betrayal. Their insides splattering onto the walls, crimson liquid pooling around the mass of corpses littered on the floor. The same liquid dripping off empty chests that were just there for display.
Blood staining a wooden button in the centre of the room.
Another press of a button, this time it unleashed ultimate destruction. Ground shaking. Craters being formed. Manic cackling about an unfinished symphony. Arguing and yelling and shouting and screaming. Being engulfed by the chaos that was taking place all around them.
Rubble surrounding a wooden button attached to a wall.
On that day, Tommy decided he wasn’t going to use buttons anymore.
-----
Tommy is claustrophobic.
This wasn’t always a problem but something happened that caused him to be like this. He assumed that the event that triggered it was probably the piston situation.
He found that he couldn’t even look back and laugh at it like his friends could, too traumatised by it all.
Feeling metal pressing down on his back. The ruby glow of Red stone being the only source of light as cobblestone is ‘jokingly’ placed down to block him in. Wood rubbing against skin as he struggled about in hopes that something will come loose. He wasn’t sure how long he was kept there but he decided he was never going to be forced in a position like that again.
Too bad that he didn’t have a choice.
He always strives to be as helpful as he can. Wanting to please Wilbur, wanting to make him proud. He never once thought that speaking to Tubbo whilst himself and Wilbur resided in Pogtopia would’ve had such dire consequences.
But Wilbur was going mad. Tommy didn’t want to admit it but the man seemed to lose his humanity a bit more every single day. So of course paranoia was just another side effect because of this.
When he had returned from his chat with Tubbo, Wilbur was agitated. All it took was for Tommy to ask what was wrong for the man to snap. Ranting about how they couldn’t trust anyone, about how Tubbo would drop them in an instant to join the opposing side, about how Tommy should know better than to talk with the enemy.
No matter how hard he tried to calm Wilbur down, the man wouldn’t listen.
Instead, he claimed that Tommy would have to undergo a suitable punishment in order to understand that he should never do it again.
So before he could even fight back, he was being dragged deeper into the ravine, towards what looked to be some obsidian blocks. Upon closer inspection, he realised it was just a simple box. Tommy was unsure when this was built but he knew that it wasn’t going to be good for him. Thrashing about proved to be futile though, as Wilbur was surprisingly strong.
Once they reached the obsidian, Tommy was shoved inside. In one last hope to escape he twisted around but he was too late. The last thing he saw before being encompassed in complete darkness was the wicked grin plastered on Wilbur face.
When Wilbur finally came back to free him, Tommy wasn’t sure how long he had been locked away for. What he was sure about though, was that he had absolutely hated it. Walls that looked like they were constantly caving in. No light to protect you from the demons that lurk in the shadows. Thick obsidian that prohibited any sound from entering, meaning that the loudest thing in the box was his own thumping heart.
Every second he spent in there, he wished for Wilbur to come rescue him. He decided to scream for help and continued to do so until his throat was hoarse. When Wilbur finally broke away a piece of obsidian, Tommy almost cried tears of relief. Almost. He wasn’t going to show weakness in front of Wilbur though. He was far too scared to do anything around him in fear that he would end up back in the box.
Unfortunately that did happen again. Wilbur would find something to complain about, blaming the blonde as the cause of it. That meant he had to learn his lesson. That meant he was trapped in the obsidian with no escape.
It got to a point where Wilbur only had to mention the word box to get Tommy to instantly comply to his commands.
-----
Of course, Tommy slowly found himself being afraid of Wilbur.
Even though the man was like a brother to him, as Wilbur made his descent into madness Tommy had started to fear him.
It wasn’t just the obsidian box that affected him. It was the way he yelled, each word laced with frustration. The way he would throw whatever object he was holding in his hand whenever he came across a mildly annoying inconvenience. Strings of insults were spat out towards Tommy whenever he was disappointed in the child, which happened more and more often as the came closer to acting out their plan. Wilbur would pace around, muttering to himself about all the pain he was going to bring to everyone who had betrayed him. Delusions clouded his brain as he would grab Tommy by the shoulders before pushing him to the ground so he could tower above him, shouting at the boy, claiming to know that he was a ‘traitor’ too.
But Tommy wasn’t a traitor. Despite the insults, despite the fits of rage, despite the crazy plans. Despite the fact that Tommy realised how dangerous Wilbur was, he never once attempted to leave or betray him.
Maybe it was because he was still naive, he still thought he could save the man. Or maybe he was too frightened to see what happens if he actually did leave him. Whatever the reason, Tommy stood by Wilbur’s side right until the very end.
Looking back on it now, that was one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. As soon as he became weary of Wilbur, he should’ve taken that as a sign that he needed to leave immediately.
-----
Tommy doesn’t like looking at holes in the ground.
When he says holes, he’s not really talking about large craters (even though he has watched several form over the past months). He could marginally deal with large holes, what he definitely doesn’t like is small holes in the ground. Holes that are just large enough for someone to drop all their items down them. Holes that can perfectly fit one piece of TNT.
These types of holes were accompanied with harsh commands. Then followed by the threat of death if he didn’t follow the rules. Sharp words digging into him as a porcelain mask watched him take off his amour. An unchangeable expression mocking him as he poured his inventory, all the materials he worked hard to get, into the miniscule hole.
Tommy had also decided that creepers are the worst mobs. Not only do they hiss and blow up, sounding so similar to a certain noise he wished he could forget. Their green skin hurt his eyes, reminding him of a person the he hoped would leave him alone. They also left small pits in the ground. And these pits weren’t technically big enough to be classed as craters so instead whenever he would notice one he was transported back to Logstedshire. Back to a time where his life consisted of those small, man made holes. Holes that could only mean destruction was bound to follow.
-----
Tommy, even though he knew the man was locked away in prison, is terrified of Dream.
The man had been the cause of so many terrible things, it was understandable why he felt that way. Tommy believes that every unpleasant event that has happened could be linked back to the masked psychopath.
Wars that destroyed homes, ruined friendships and shattered peoples hearts. Allowing new members to saunter in like they own the place and allowing said new member to become a horned dictator that took everything away from him. Countless lives stolen from the people he cared about the most. Handing the man that he saw as a brother abundant amounts of TNT. Destruction of his nation. Destruction of his home in exile. Holding onto discs that weren’t even his. Bloodshed. So much bloodshed. Forcing him to live in the horrific word even though the warm glow of lava looked welcoming. A pillar that towered up into the sky, casting a showdown down on the act of cruelty that had only happened minutes ago.
Dream was the main cause of all of those problems.
Now he is stuck in an inescapable prison. This didn’t seem to comfort Tommy at all. All it took was the smallest thing to send his mind spiralling. A noise that was a bit too loud. Someone talking about taking off armour. A mention of parties or festivals. The slightest thing would cause him to imagine the same eerie smile that always seemed to stare him down whenever something bad was happening. A smile that was just one simple curved line but looked so powerful. Two emotionless dots as eyes, one creepy grin drawn underneath them. A mask he wishes he could smash into thousands of fragments. A mask that he knew would stay intact because he was too much of a coward to do so.
-----
Tommy isn’t fond of the dark.
As childish as he thinks it sounds, he found himself not looking forward to going to sleep each night.
Darkness only meant that the memories could become more vivid. The nightmares could come to life. Reminders of dark obsidian encasing him. Reminders of sitting alone in a torn up tent, as the mobs outside sounded frighteningly close. A black void that would engulf him whenever he was forced to respawn. Tommy didn’t like the darkness.
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Tommy even finds it hard to confront the crater that replaced L’Manberg.
He thinks that this uneasiness is pretty self explanatory. And even though he knew that he wouldn’t have to experience it again, he couldn’t help but replay the events that unfolded that day whenever he took a glance at the gaping hole. He partially wishes someone would fill the whole thing with dirt, forever removing L’Manbergs mark on this world. Part of him doesn’t want to let it go.
He decided to attempt to move on from it. No more wars. No more governments. Just himself and Sam building a hotel for others.
It meant he was turning over a new leaf. Moving on was hard but he was trying his goddamn hardest to do so. However no matter how much time passed, he will always lift a shaky hand into a salute, his breathing will speed up and his head will fill with distant screams whenever he sees the giant cavity that replaced his nation.
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Phil wasn’t quite sure how to respond. All he could do was sit and listen as the words spilled out of Tommy’s mouth. He knew the boy was prone to rambling, but he never expected this.
Wide eyed and lips pressed tightly shut, he was speechless. Tommy unloaded all his trauma at once and Phil was not prepared at all. Abuse, pain and death have plagued the child from the very start and considering Phil thought of Tommy like a son, he definitely hasn’t treated him like one. He wasn’t going to apologise for assisting in blowing up L’Manberg. The government needed to go in order to free the people. He was sure that Tommy was happier now, only a few days ago he barged in unannounced to demand diamonds. He had informed Phil he was going to be making a hotel. At the time nothing felt out of the ordinary.
Obviously the boy was exceptionally good at bottling up all his emotions.
This is what he needed. He needed to be able to let it all out. And whilst Phil wasn’t sorry for doomsday, guilt about everything else settled on his shoulders.
Wilbur had been a terrible person to him despite the fact that Tommy had trusted the man. Phil realised that naive trust was a running theme. Tommy would trust someone for it only to disastrously backfire on him. Yes, the child probably had regrets about the decisions he has made but no one deserves that much betrayal. He was abandoned by his friends, by the people he considered family and he even abandoned himself. Left alone to be tormented by painful memories and nightmares.
On several occasions through his breakdown, Phil had to intervene in order to steady the boys breathing once again. Each time he did he found his heart breaking more and more.
Now they sat, the room filled with muffled sobs and short breaths.
“I’m sorry.” Phil managed to croak out, unsure on where he was taking the conversation.
“N-no,” Tommy attempted to argue. Phil cut him off.
“I’m not apologising for what happened to L’Manberg, as I still believe I did the right thing. You seem calmer and more at peace now that you are allowed to choose your own path and work on your own projects. Obviously there were a lot of things you were hiding from everyone,” Phil took a sip of his now cold drink before continuing, “but what I’m apologising for is that I always considered you as a son, yet I definitely haven’t been there as support.”
Tommy stared down at his fingers as he fiddled with one of the blankets wrapped around him, “I’m sorry too.” Phil cocked his head in confusion as Tommy continued, “I don’t think I regret siding with Tubbo but I guess I could’ve done it in a different way. I understand how Techno feels, I think we’ve betrayed each other too many times now. I’m proud to have fought for my nation until the very end bu-but I think I still regret other things.”
“Thank you.”
“Wh- what?” this caused Tommy to look back up, uncertainty painted on his face, “why are you thanking me?”
“For opening up. Its an extremely hard thing to do. I’m proud.”
Phil watched the boy’s expression as he told him he was proud. He was unable to tell what the blonde was thinking but he could only assume that the phrase meant something to him. He assumed this due to the fresh tears that ran down his cheeks. Doing the only thing he could think of, he opened up his arms. Hesitantly Tommy fell into the embrace.
Sobs wracked the child’s frame. Mumbling into Phil’s chest, both of them actually enjoying the moment. After a few seconds, Phil pulled away. Tommy blinked slowly, a tiredness seemed to have overcome him.
“Why don’t you stay the night?” the winged man offered.
“I-” Tommy contemplated how to answer. His shoulders relax as he backed into the sofa, “maybe I will, thank you Phil.”
“No problem mate. This was nice, I hope you know you can always do this again if you need to. I’m not going to tell anyone.”
Phil gave a small smile before getting up, taking the now empty mugs back to the kitchen. As he entered, he observed that Techno hadn’t moved from his seat. Busying himself with washing up, he noticed the faint snores coming from the living room. He let out a chuckle, glad that Tommy decided to accept the offer as Phil could only imagine that he wouldn’t have gotten far if he had insisted on leaving.
“How much did you hear?” Phil asked the piglin, using a hushed tone.
“Everything.”
“What are your thoughts?”
Techno didn’t respond. A good sign. If the man didn’t like something, he had no problem displaying his opinions. However, expressing himself was a lot harder for him if he felt sympathetic. Phil knew he struggled with opening up so the silence comforted him. Sure, recovery and repairing relationships weren’t something that could happen over night. But maybe this was a good start.
Leaving Techno to continue reading his book and Tommy to sleep on the sofa, Phil went upstairs and fell into a calm slumber.
As the sun shone through the window, gently waking him up, Phil stumbled out of bed. Making his way downstairs he noticed the sudden emptiness in the house. He knew for a fact Techno was still in his room due to the quite snores that he heard when he walked past his door. Undoubtedly, the man had probably fallen asleep at his desk again after working through most of the night, so Phil let him be. Instead the emptiness he felt was because of the neatly folded blankets that were piled on the sofa, replacing Tommy.
Nearing them, he noticed a piece of paper left on top of them. Scrawled handwriting displayed a message on the crumpled paper.
Hey big man, thank you. I didn’t know I needed to get somethings off of my chest, obviously you did know though. You were always good at knowing what I needed. I decided to take my leave, didn’t want to keep on intruding. Especially considering you brought me back to Technoblade’s house and we both know that it’ll be awkward if I stay much longer. I’m unsure when but I hope we can talk again, who knows, maybe once we’ve all spent time to heal, Technoblade will join us too.
Once I’ve finished the Biginnit Hotel, I hope you can come visit me sometime. This invite is for the both of you.
- Tommy.
“Phil?” The sudden monotonous voice made him jump. Swivelling around, Techno was stood at the bottom of the stairs. He had probably been woken up by Phil’s footsteps. Despite him wanting his friend to get more rest, Phil knew the hybrid was always a light sleeper.
“Tommy’s gone?” The piglin continued.
Nodding, he handed him the crumpled note. Techno read it carefully before shrugging.
“That’s your reaction? You’re just going to shrug at it?” Phil chuckled.
Techno glanced to the side, “well, I don’t know what else to do.”
“You and Tommy are as bad as each other when it comes to emotions, I hope you know that”
Techno grunted in response, “well, how do you feel about it?”
“I think it’s a start,” Phil stated, “and that makes me happy.”
That was the truth. Both Phil and Techno knew that. A simple note left behind showed promise of a better future. Techno claimed that you couldn’t glue a broken relationship back together. But looking at the letter he still had gripped in his hands, Phil had a suspicion that the piglin was starting to doubt that mind-set.
A journey to fix relationships is never going to be simple, Phil was well aware of this. But every small step is important. Smiling at the note once more, Phil was certain that this was a sign that they were going in the right direction. Sure, it was going to be a slow process, but as he thought about it he was filled with hope.
Hope that he could fix a tattered relationship. Hope that he could offer support to someone who needed it. Hope that the future was going to be a lot better than the past.