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Childe’s patience is running low.
He can understand that the first attempt failed, and maybe he can even excuse the second. But then the third Xiao Lantern fell apart in his hands not even a second after assembling it and he needed to take a deep breath.
He hasn’t started the fourth one — instead he watches Zhongli carefully constructing his, what, sixth lantern? His long, slender fingers seem to work magic. Every Xiao Lantern he’s made so far is flawless.
“How are you so good at this?”, Childe sighs, resting his elbows on the table between all the scattered materials of his failed attempts.
“I have been doing this for six thousand years, Ajax”, Zhongli calmy points out. He finishes up the lantern and puts it aside before turning all of his attention to Childe. His eyes wander stoically through the mess on the table and the three lanterns that fell into ruin.
“We can fix that”, he then says and stands up. “Mh?”, Childe gives back, not realizing what Zhongli is referring to. That is, until Zhongli almost forcefully grabs his chair and pulls it next to Childe.
“Let me guide you.”
When he sits, he takes Childe’s hands in his. “You make it unnecessarily complicated. The process of assembling Xiao Lanterns is easier than you think.”
Childe groans but he doesn’t withdraw his hands. “Why do we have to make so many Lanterns in the first place? It’s only us two”, he whines. Zhongli already made six, why is there any need for more?
Zhongli doesn’t look at him as he starts to reassemble the Lanterns; as if avoiding his gaze. He takes a long moment before answering.
“Your family is not here to release Xiao Lanterns. I thought it a great idea if we released Lanterns in their stead.”
At this, Childe halts. He needs to process this for a second, his heartbeat echoing so loudly through his body he fears that Zhongli can hear it.
So that is why he has been so stubborn about it. Childe’s heart is suddenly very warm.
“Zhongli…”, he mutters, his tone somewhat heavy. “I…” Childe doesn’t know what to say. His heart is already so full and everyday Zhongli pours more genuine love into it.
Zhongli looks at him now, his eyes so soft and precious, Childe almost forgets how to breathe.
“Perhaps now is not the best time for your family to be here. I believe that the next Lantern Festival will be a better opportunity for them. I am certain it will be to their liking.” - “I love you”, Childe blurts out before he can form one coherent thought or stop himself; usually, Childe is more reserved with his confessions and more careful with his emotions. It’s unusual for him to state his affection towards Zhongli so openly and Zhongli seems to think the same because he tilts his head a little, a faint smile on his lips — as if aware that he must cherish this sudden outburst.
“I know”, he replies. “I love you, too.”
Childe shakes his head. “You don’t understand”, he breathes weakly. “I love you.”
Zhongli turns away from the Lanterns and faces Childe. He brings his hand to the Harbinger’s cheek and presses his fingertips into the pale skin. “I am aware that you miss your family dearly. I can feel the heaviness in your heart every time I breathe . I want to ease this pain for you, Ajax. We can carry it together, mh? Let me help you with it.”
And if Childe hasn't been invested before, then now is the moment. If he could love Zhongli any more, he would simply explode.
He can feel treacherous tears gathering at the corner of his eyes and Zhongli breathes in heavily.
“Now, now, my love”, he whispers softly and kisses Childe’s forehead. “It’s okay. Let it out.” His arms sling around Childe’s shoulders, protectively and offering, and Childe takes that offer and just collapses — yeah , he misses family. He misses them so much. He misses Teucer’s cheerfulness, his laughter, his little freckles. He misses Tonia and Anton, their little charades and games, their pranks, he misses his mother’s cooking and her warmth, her hugs, he even misses his father’s dismissive glares and discontented grunts. He misses all of it . He misses the cold of Snezhnaya, the way the fresh snow glitters in the cold sunlight in the early mornings, he misses the unforgiving snowstorms at night that make home so much cozier, covering in the warm embrace of his loved ones.
He has been trying not to think about any of it; because he’s actually happy here, in Liyue, with Zhongli at his side but it has been a long time since he was home or saw his family — really saw them, not just sending them away with the Traveler so that Teucer wouldn’t find out what kind of dirty work he’s actually doing.
At the thoughts of all of this, Childe starts to sob uncontrollably. He can’t even stop himself. In this second, he doesn’t care about his reputation.
His breath is short and rapid, hot tears stream down his face and wet Zhongli’s shirt. Childe can’t remember the last time he cried and it feels like a tsunami waltzes out of him. The tears won’t stop and he has, secretly , no intention to stop. His soul is hurting and he just wants to get the pain out. A battle to death isn’t really an option anymore with Zhongli at his side so maybe crying his eyes out is the best way of getting rid of his bottled up emotions.
Zhongli holds him tightly through it. “It’s okay”, he whispers in between, pressing a kiss to his forehead, his temple, his cheek, “I’m here for you.” And every time Childe just starts to sob more.
Zhongli’s grip is solid around his shoulders, like a safe haven in the raging sea and Childe clings to him as if he’d drown if he let go.
“I miss them so much”, he croaks between his ugly sobs. Zhongli nods slowly in acknowledgement and wipes away his salty tears softly.
“I know, my love. I know”, he says, his voice so gentle and tender, the only thing Childe can do is to cry more.
Zhongli lifts his chin up slowly. “You’re aware that you’re free to visit them at any time, aren’t you?”, he asks and Childe looks away.
It’s not that. Snezhnayaian ships come and go all day long. It’s the Tsaritsa who’s stopping him. So far, she hasn’t called him back but Childe fears that she will call for an audience once he steps back into his motherland, and should it come to that, he knows that as soon as he faces her, his betrayal will be open in his eyes — his heart doesn’t belong to her anymore. And the consequences of that — Childe doesn’t want to think about that.
Zhongli’s eyes narrow dangerously, as if reading Childe’s mind, and for a split-second, he looks angry. Zhongli is scary when he’s angry — even in fury, his calm manner doesn’t crack; instead, his wrath shimmers in his eyes like an earthquake, his gaze alone powerful enough to collapse mountains. It’s a clear homage to his golden days in the Archon War. Zhongli is powerful. Still.
He seems to think, his fingers at his chin, frowning.
“Let’s finish assembling these Xiao Lanterns. We can hike to Mount Tianheng and release them there. It’s the highest peak in the immediate area and the sky is clear. If Barbatos is willing, he can carry those lanterns high enough and who knows…” Zhongli trails off, talking more to himself than Childe.
Then, his gaze snaps back towards Childe and he smiles softly, all anger vanished now as if it was never there to begin with. Well. After six thousand years, Zhongli must’ve learnt at some point to control and/or hide his anger… or displeasure. Or whatever emotion overcame him there for a second.
Childe nods, his sobs slowly decreasing, his tears drying out.
“Thank you”, he mutters against Zhongli’s neck, pressing his body more against his and Zhongli hums.
“I feel deeply for you”, he says, so easily , “I wish not for you to feel sad. About your homesickness… For now, I am unsure how I can help you but I will figure it out.” - “It’s okay, Zhongli”, Childe mumbles and he loosely wraps his arms around Zhongli’s neck. His voice is swollen from all the crying, his throat feels thick and his eyes are tired.
“You’re doing enough already”, he adds. “I didn’t even think about releasing lanterns for my family...”
Zhongli pokes his fingers into Childe’s reddened cheeks. “How about you write down the wishes for your family members while I finish assembling your… mhm. How to phrase it… Disasters?”, Zhongli teases, a soft grin carved in his features — it makes him look ethereal . Childe’s heart skips a beat.
He scoffs, punching Zhongli’s shoulder, his cheeks now blushing from attraction rather than from crying. “Haha. Very funny, Master Zhongli.”
Zhongli chuckles and strokes away some loose hair strands from Childe’s forehead. “You’re quite adorable like this”, he tells Childe, smiling, and Childe gawks. He isn’t adorable ! He’s a Harbinger! … a Harbinger that just sobbed and ugly cried for about half an hour but a Harbinger nonetheless!
“Let me have at least a little dignity, Zhongli”, Childe sighs with his eyes closed.
Zhongli laughs quietly and his laughter echoes through Childe’s body like liquid gold, sinking into the deepest parts of him, and it settles right there — it slowly suffuses his homesickness, his longing for his family and Zhongli smiles again. It’s brighter than any light Childe has ever seen.
“Your smile could move mountains”, Childe mutters, more to himself than to Zhongli.
“In the past, it did so often”, Zhongli responds. “I may not have my Gnosis any longer but I am still capable of moving mountains. And if I have to do so, for you , I will. Without hesitation.”
The implications behind those words linger in the air like a promise; an oath of protection and also — pugnacity .
Childe closes his eyes — he never imagined that he, of all people , could mean so much to someone; especially someone like Zhongli , Rex Lapis, the God of Justice and Commerce.
His head sinks against Zhongli’s neck, his lips barely touching the other man’s skin.
“Did I ever mention that you’ll be the end of me? That you’re killing me?” - “Once or twice”, Zhongli says and laughs. “But, to be completely honest, it’s only fair , Master Childe — what comes around, goes around”, he adds and nudges Childe’s nose.
Childe wrinkles his nose in response. He wants to fight back but Zhongli pinches his bicep softly. “If we want to make it to the peak of Mount Tianheng this evening, you should start composing the wishes for your family. I will assemble the Lanterns in the meantime”, he tells Childe and Childe reluctantly gives up. “Fine”, he says, sniffing, and he grabs the pen. “I’ll let you have this one. If I’m too tired to hike up that damn mountain, you will carry me.” - “Gladly.”
Zhongli doesn’t have to carry him, even though his legs do feel tired. In fact, his entire body feels heavy in a way that can only come from breaking down like he had. Childe stills drags himself up that damned mountain with his head held high — at least a little dignity he can restore for himself.
The stars are bright this night and the many lanterns in Liyue Harbor glow majestically. It’s truly a sight to cherish and Childe dearly wishes for his family to be here to see it. They would be mesmerized by the beauty of Liyue Harbour.
Childe soaks in this view for a minute, standing at the edge of the cliff downwards, the wind rustling through his hair softly. At this altitude, he can even see the blurry silhouette of Mondstadt far away at the horizon.
Zhongli hands him the lanterns silently. He gives Childe a nod of encouragement and then steps aside, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
The lanterns are heavy in Childe’s hand. He closes his eyes, stepping closer to the edge of the plateau. He hasn’t spoken his Snezhnayaian dialect in a long time and the words are nostalgic on his tongue — they taste like home — and he whispers into the Lanterns the message for his family; he misses them and wishes them well, before he loosens his grip on the rope and releases the lanterns into the night sky.
Zhongli wraps one arm around Childe’s waist and they watch in silence as the lanterns fly towards the stars — and if the wind suddenly grows stronger to carry the Lanterns to a place cold and far away — then Zhongli decides to send a silent thank you to Barbatos in his thoughts, a smile covering his lips. So his old friend had heard him after all.
Childe watches the wind carrying the lanterns away. “Strong wind tonight”, he mutters and Zhongli only hums in agreement, keeping this his little secret.
Childe leans his head on Zhongli's shoulder and his eyes fall shut.
“Thank you, Zhongli.” - “Everything for you, my love.”
Childe smiles. “I love you”, he says again, quieter, and if the wind was a little bit stronger, then Zhongli maybe wouldn’t have heard it — but Barbatos was also the God of Song and he would never bury a love song under a wind current.
So Zhongli did hear it and his grip around Childe’s waist festens.
“I love you, too.”