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It was after Doomsday. Things were tense, and Tommy just wanted a rest. He and Tubbo had gone to his little dirt hut for the night, and though it wasn’t the cleanest place, it was warm enough.
His back had been itchy during the fight, but he’d passed it off as nerves. Now, though? The slight itch had progressed to a small ache, then a stinging, then agonizing pain. He was on his stomach, arms pressing into the dirt floor, crying as Tubbo tried to figure out what to do.
“What’s wrong? Tommy, what’s wrong?”
Tommy shook his head. “Tubs, it hurts, make it stop, please,” He sobbed, his fist aimlessly grabbing at small tufts of grass that had grown, despite everything.
“I’m trying, but this is way out of my area of expertise!” Tubbo panicked. “I… I think I’m gonna have to call Philza, or something, I don’t know what to do!”
“Are you crazy?” Tommy yelled. “Don’t call Phil! He’s not gonna help, he just blew up- Don’t call Phil!”
Tubbo laughed, but it was stressed, “What else am I gonna do, Tommy? I- I don’t know, it kinda seems like you’re growing wings, and-”
“ Wings ?” Tommy’s disbelief was cut off by a shriek of pain. “I dunno, call Quackity? Doesn’t he have those little chicken wings?”
“Duck, Tommy!”
“I’m on the floor, I can’t duck anymore, Tubbo.”
Tubbo chuckled, but it was high-pitched and panicked. “No, he has duck wings. I definitely need to call Phil, I’ll be right back.”
Tommy tried to reach out, he didn’t want Tubbo leaving, but instead, he just curled into a ball and whimpered. He could catch snippets of the conversation, and it didn’t seem to be going well.
__
“Hi, Mr. Minecraft, Sir? I know it’s a bad time, because you just blew up my whole nation, but, uh,”
A sigh echoed from the other end of the call. “What d’you want, Tubbo?”
Tubbo giggled, but you could tell it wasn’t a casual one. “Well, you see, Philza, uh, I think Tommy-”
“Really? You’re gonna call me about Tommy? Tubbo, thanks for the call, but I gotta go-”
“No, you don’t understand, I think he’s growing wings. I- I need your help .”
Philza didn’t screech. But it was kind of close. “What? He’s growing wings? Tubbo, I hate to break it to you, but I doubt it, and I’m in the arctic anyway,”
Tommy’s whimpers grew louder, and must’ve reached the phone. Phil sighed, heavy and weighted. “Tubbo, I-”
“Please, the only person I could call was Quackity but I figured you’re kind of Tommy’s dad and all-”
“ Fine . Tubbo, I’ll be there in a bit. Just- don’t touch his back. Okay?” He hung up, and Tubbo went back to Tommy.
His condition had worsened. He was on the floor, forearms pressed against it as he struggled to keep his head up. “Tubbo?”
Tubbo moved to him, letting Tommy put his arms around his neck in an awkward hug as he cried. “Yeah, Tommy. It’s okay, It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here.”
“Tubbo, I think- I think I’m gonna sleep- pass out, it hurts,”
As much as Tubbo tried to keep Tommy awake, by the time Philza arrived, Tubbo was struggling to hold up an unconscious Tommy. His face looked peaceful, almost. It was the first rest he’d gotten in a long time, but the dried streaks of tears that were there told him it wasn’t a good rest.
Philza looked almost awkward in the small hut. “Tubbo, you should probably leave, I’ll handle this.”
Tubbo wanted to trust Phil, he really did. But something was off about those eyes. Something made Tubbo need to stay here. To monitor. To make sure that Tommy was going to be okay.
“No, that’s fine. I’ll stay here.”
Phil hummed. “Which one of us has wings? You should leave, Tubbo.”
“Which one of us sided with his abuser to blow up the one thing he had left of Wilbur?” Tubbo hissed. “I’m staying here.”
It was quiet, except for the whines that Tommy let out as he clutched at Tubbo. Phil didn’t really do… much, at all. Sure, he had a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, but Tubbo was the one whispering comforting thoughts, Tubbo was the one crying in sympathy, Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo.
Why had he called Phil again?
Oh, right.
Tommy woke up when the skin on his back started stretching and they had to tear off his shirt. There was a better way to describe it, but Tubbo started to panic more and couldn’t really think about it.
“Phil, Phil is this supposed to be happening?”
Phil nodded slowly, and was going to say something, but Tommy managed to slur out some words. “Phil- Dad, is that you?”
Tubbo spoke up when it was clear that Phil wasn’t. “Yeah. Yeah, he came to help you.”
Tubbo hated lying to Tommy. Calling Phil had been a bad idea.
When the skin on Tommy’s back started to show that something was growing underneath it, Phil started to do what he was called here for. “Alright, Tubbo. This is what’s going to happen next. The things right here are the frames of the wings, pretty much. There’s not going to be any feathers yet, those need to grow wings, but there is going to be a lot of blood,” He got up and dusted off his robes. “You’re going to be fine, but I really need to go,”
“What?” Tubbo yelled. “You’re leaving?”
Phil shrugged. “I’ve got some important stuff to get to. I can’t just hold your hands all the way through it.”
“You- Tommy’s important! You can,” Tubbo protested. “You're his father! You can’t just leave!”
“I did years ago,” Phil said, “And he turned out fine. Besides, Wilbur was more his father than I was.”
“Maybe you think so, because of how shittily you treated him!” Tubbo growled. “But whether you want to acknowledge it or not, he was your son.”
Phil shrugged, turning to look at Tommy, who was crying, reaching out for something he’d never get. “He’s not my son. Never was. Even if he was, there’s not much worth saving in him, is there?”
“Get out.” Tubbo mumbled. “Go hang out with Technoblade, cause I know that’s where you’re going. If I ever see you around here again, I’ll kill you.”
“You’d have to get through Techno.” Phil said, clearly amused.
Tubbo turned to look Phil in the eye, and Phil knew he wasn’t lying. “I’ll kill him too.”
____
Tommy didn’t remember what happened. One minute he was on the dirt floor and his dad- Phil was there, and the next he was on a bed, with Quackity and Tubbo.
“Tubs?” He croaked.
Tubbo moved over. “Hi, you’re awake, hi! Are you doing okay? How’re you feeling?”
Tommy blinked, his eyelids heavy. His back ached. “My back is sore. Where’s dad?”
“I should hope your back hurts,” Quackity laughed. “You just grew wings.”
“But where- where’s Phil?”
Tubbo wouldn’t meet Tommy’s dazed gaze. “He can’t be here right now. Had to leave.”
“Probably some bullshit excuse about something important.” Tommy sighed. “Right? He always does that. Always has. Don’t know why I hoped it would be different.”
Quackity frowned. “On the plus side, hermano , you’ve been out for a bit and have already got some feathers! It’s just the fluff though, so they look really cute.”
“What the- no, I don’t wanna look cute, I’m a big man!” Tommy tried to protest, but Quackity laughed more.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but they all fluffed up and-” He doubled over, and Tubbo managed a small smile.
Tommy swallowed, and sat up. He had to turn around, since he’d been on his stomach, but he was met with the familiar view of his bedroom. “Can I have some time alone, please?”
“Okay,” Tubbo said reluctantly. “But shout if you need anything, okay?”
Tommy said he would, and then as soon as the two others left, started crying. He remembered what Phil had said, even if he’d been listening while in immense pain. For as long as he could recall, he’d just wanted a family. People to love him. People to care about him. People to look at him and support him when they noticed he was down.
He used to have that. Or maybe not, maybe he was just remembering it wrong. Glorifying the small amounts of affection that Phil had given him. God, Phil really never cared, did he? He just went on with Techno, trusting Wilbur to take care of the child.
It hurt more that Phil had killed Wilbur than it did Phil disowning him. He knew deep down that it would’ve happened eventually, but he wished it hadn’t been so soon. Tommy knew he had a small family, right outside his door, but he couldn’t help but yearn for the family he used to be a part of.
Everything in his room reminded Tommy of Philza. If he was going to go and pretend that he was fine, that he could leave his old family behind and love the new one, then he didn’t want the reminders.
Out went the old photo of the four of them, Tommy’s smile reflecting Phil’s, the glass breaking in the trash can. Goodbye to the scarf that hung on the wall with his other winter stuff that Phil had bought for him when they visited a village together. One of the only gifts that he’d ever gotten, while Techno paraded around with swords and jewels and everything that Tommy wanted. Tommy put on a beanie that Quackity had given him a while ago instead, covering the hair that so matched his father’s.
Away went the pale blue cloak that carried memories of an arctic kingdom. Adios to the little gold bracelet that Techno had given to him to convince Tommy to leave him alone.
Finally, when he stood in an empty room, all the reminders gone, he looked in the mirror.
And, he saw his wings.
His wings- the soft feathers stretching into a huge wingspan, pale and hiding what colors the true feathers would be. God, he hoped they weren’t grey.
His wings were perhaps the biggest connection he had to Phil. They were the last tie that he needed to sever.
Tommy thought it over. He didn’t want his decision to be rushed, or hasty, but he knew what he wanted. It was a few days later, when he was taking a walk with Tubbo, that he finally let his desire be known.
“Tubbo,” He started, seemingly unaware of the shadow in the woods that watched them. “Do you like my wings?”
“Of course I do,” Tubbo replied, looking over. “Why?”
“Oh, well, I was just thinking they reminded me of Phil, a lot. And, considering he disowned me, I don’t like the reminder of a family that doesn’t love me.”
Tubbo frowned. “What are you trying to say?”
Tommy took out an axe, and shoved it into Tubbo’s hands. “I want you to cut them off.”
“What?”
“Cut them off.” Tommy said harshly. “I don’t want to look at them. I hate everyone they’re connected to, so I want them gone. Permanently.”
“If it’s… Are you sure that’s what you want?”
The grey-winged watcher didn’t stay any longer.
___
Philza visited Tommy the next day. Tommy was planting flowers outside of his house, which was remade out of wood, now.
“I see you’ve been busy.” Phil said, and Tommy scoffed.
“Why’re you here?”
Phil sighed. “I just… I’m scared I was too harsh. I wanted to apologize.”
Tommy’s back was covered with a bright red cloak. “You’re a little too late for that.”
“What do you mean?” Phil asked, fear settling down a little.
“All the times you could’ve apologised, and you choose now. I mean, of course you would.” Tommy said, sitting against the walls and looking up at Phil. “You could’ve come home from any of your adventures and been a better father. You could’ve helped Wilbur and I make a country of our own, ‘cause we had no idea what we were doing. You could’ve stopped Techno from killing Tubbo, because he only listens to you. You could’ve taken me home when Wilbur started keeping me from leaving our little ravine. You could’ve stopped Wilbur. You didn’t have to kill him.” Tommy started crying a little, and Phil sighed.
“I’m sorry, Tommy, but I had no idea-”
“And whose fault is that?” Tommy screamed. “I sent you letters the whole time. I knew you’d never read them- maybe that’s why when Dream was abusing me I put every little detail into those little slips of papers. I said what I was really feeling in those letters when I couldn’t admit it to myself. You could’ve taken me down from that pillar. You could’ve realized what was going on when I had panic attacks every time you shut the door a little too loudly. You aren’t stupid. You just don’t care- and that’s why you sided with Dream to destroy the one place that I could truly call home. It’s your own fault that our relationship is irreparable, because you had chance after chance after chance to be my father, and you ignored them. Ignored me. No, Philza Minecraft, it’s far too late to apologise.”
“Do you still have them?” Phil asked softly.
“What, the wings?” Tommy scoffed again. “Of course that’s what you’d ask. Making sure I’m still under your control. Well, Phil, no.”
“No, what?” Phil asked, temper flaring. “Do you have them or not?”
“I know you were in the woods, eavesdropping.” Tommy said. “No, I’m not under your control anymore, Philza.” He took his cloak off, and Phil gasped.
Tommy’s wings were still there. They were beautiful, too. Striking reds and oranges and yellows- a painting of a sunset as a symbol of the ending chapter. “You kept them.”
“I did.” Tommy said, glaring at Phil. “Not for you, though. I was going to let Tubbo chop them off, but I decided that I could go through the pain of losing them after just growing them and have them always in my mind, or,” He tilted his head. “I could keep them. Claim them as mine, learn to fly while you’re grounded forever. I think keeping them hurts you more than it does me- to know that I’m soaring above all of your bullshit, on wings that you gave me, would crush you, I think.”
“Aren’t you still my son, though?” Philza pleaded.
Tommy laughed. “I haven’t been since you walked out the door with Technoblade and left me alone with Wilbur for an entire year, missing my birthday that you promised you’d be at, without so much as a card. I haven’t been your son since you decided to prioritize everything over me, and I certainly am not your son now, when it only benefits you. Bye, Phil. I think you should leave.”
“Tommy, I-”
“You heard him,” came a voice from the doorway. Quackity stood there, arms crossed. Tubbo was behind him. “You should leave. It’s almost time for our family dinner, anyway.”
Phil took a step back. “They’ll never be your true family, Tommy.”
“Thank goodness for that,” Tubbo mentioned. “His biological family kinda treated him like shit.”
Tommy laughed, and patted Tubbo on the shoulder as he went inside. “Bye, Phil. Tell Technoblade I told him to fuck off, will you?”
The countryside echoed Tommy’s laughter as Phil went back to his own home. Apologising was worth a try, but Tommy had been right. He really didn’t care, did he? Maybe that was a realization for another day- Techno needed help with the next farm he was making, after all.