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“Every single one of you is a menace,” Commander Doom declares, grit-toothed and clenched fists, with a glare that makes his eyes twitch and a resignation burned into his bones.
An intimidating man, that Commander Doom. A pity Domino’s faced a lot worse glares than that.
The Get Along Song starts up again in the background and somewhere, more droids are surrendering.
Cutup preens and Droidbait thinks that if the Commander isn’t careful, his face is gonna get stuck in that constipated glare.
“Don’t you like the program Commander?” Cutup asks, all wide eyes and snark and kark-you-kindly smile.
Cutup has never quite been able to manage faking innocent. His grin’s too osik-eating for that, and he shades towards sass too naturally for him to properly get tooka-eyed obliviousness down.
Commander Doom is too professional a man to point out the song, and if Droidbait remembers right, has put up with too much of Captain Rex and his squaddies to show weakness so blatantly.
“Works well,” the Commander deadpans, “so nice to know I’m not the only one fighting this war.”
Cutup’s inelegant giggle snort is covered by Hevy’s cheer.
Commander Doom looks the longsuffering type of defeated, hand twitching for his comms.
Echo salutes, “Happy to help Commander, the Captain was ecstatic when he learned where we were.”
Commander Doom watches them all blank-faced.
Huh, would you look at that, it is possible to clench your teeth hard enough to cause second-hand pain. Kot, Commander Doom.
Droidbait would feel a lot worse about it if he wasn’t having so much fun.
The Commander says his goodbyes smoothly, turns on his heel and walks away and Cutup grins, “Bye Commander, maybe next time you’ll be able to stop as many droids as us!”
Commander Doom doesn’t so much as pause as he walks away, and Droidbait thinks he hears, ‘Only one in this entire kriffing army still fighting a war, the Only One.’
Kot to him and everything, but Droidbait’s taking offence.
They’ve done plenty of fighting war, they even helped take out whole companies of Sep droids, might add up to more than a legion if things keep going like they are.
Droidbait hums, turns to look back at the others and finds Fives standing stock still, staring at Cutup and the spot Commander Doom was.
“No,” Fives breathes, in a type of dawning horror, and Cutup bristles.
“You’re gonna catch flies there vod, don’t know what’s got your kama all twisted.” he scoffs, all nonchalance and uncaring.
Domino isn't fooled for a second.
Droidbait doesn’t know what it is Fives has seen but whatever it is Echo’s face says that he’s catching onto it.
Droidbait narrows his eyes, runs over the interaction in his head, looks between Cutup and Fives and the disappearing, defeated, form of Commander Doom and tries to piece it all together.
‘Make him regret taking what’s Torrent’s’ the Captain had implied-not-said, and they’d all agreed with enthusiasm, ‘The Get Along Song,’ Cutup had suggested, after hours spent poking and teasing and snarking at the Commander.
A showoff is what Cutup’s been this mission, a little bit of a brag, a little bit of a taunt. A showoff when they’re trying to make a point to the Commander about stealing Torrent’s own away from Torrent.
Surely not, Droidbait thinks, surely.
He meets Echo’s eyes, sees the same horrified knowledge there that he feels.
He’s not, Droidbait begs silently, hope weakening with every second.
“You did not just try and flirt the Lt. Hardcase way.” Fives snaps, voices their collective realization with horrified denial and the type of reluctant awe one gets watching a six speeder pile up.
Hevy sits up from his lazy lounge hyperspace quick.
“No,” he says, rising glee and vicious amusement.
Cutup ignores them all.
Of all the vod Cutup could’ve taken flirting cues from, of all the kriffing vod.
Droidbait is never going to let him live this down.
“Vod,” Hevy says, giggling, manic gleam in hs eyes, “we love Lt Hardcase, he’s great, he’s wonderful even, an amazing Officer! Does a wonderful job with ammunitions and explosives, really, a talent in the field and his baster-skill is unapparelled.”
Hevy’s awe is maybe shining through just a tad, Droidbait thinks.
Fives nods, picks the line up, “But vod,” he says, pleads, even as he signs, ‘tube was boiled, declarative. No other explanation’, out of Cutup’s sight, “vod, we do not take hints on how to flirt from him.”
“It is highly unlikely to get you anywhere,” Echo confirms, pitying, flicks back an ‘affirmative.’
“I have no idea what any of you voidbrains are talking about,” Cutup huffs, offense in ever yline and feigned ignorance.
They all turn identical looks his way.
Droidbait’s the one to call it.
“Banthashit,” he hisses, victorious, ‘Complete and utter—”
“Shut your mouth—” Cutup snaps, squawks as Hevy kicks his legs out from under him and spits vitriol the whole way down.
“Every single one of you!” He cries as he gets his feet under himself, elbows Fives and kicks out at Droidbait, “brains rotted away, tubes curdled, not worth the karking tube goo you—”
“Last I checked,” Fives muters, “We weren’t the ones hoping to seduce our crush with Lt. Hardcase’s method.”
“There isn’t even a plan there I don’t think,” Echo laments, and Hevy hisses offense.
“Hey now, the Lt.’s got a plan! He’s been playing the game for far too long to not have one!”
Echo, Fives, and Droidbait turn skeptical looks on Hevy and he pouts.
“I’m pretty sure there’s one at least.”
Droidbait pats consolingly at Hevy’s arm, “Sure vod, I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“What I want to know,” Droidbait muses, “is what made you think it would work.”
Cutup huffs, signs where Droidbait can holster what, with quick moves and a scowl.
Echo smiles, “You know Cut’ika—”
“No,” Cutup says, firm, stands up, “Nope, all of you can go kark yourselves since obviously I'm the only one who managed to scrounge up their brain from the bottom of their karking tube, you’re all awful and I don’t have to listen to this slander.”
Hevy cackles and Echo and Fives share matching smirks.
The Get Along Song plays ever valiantly in the background and Droidbait grins. Oh no, they aren’t letting him live this down, ever.