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Rapunzel wakes up to the soft touch of the sun on her uncovered hip, and the even softer touch of Eugene's lips on her forehead, as he whispers something she doesn't understand. She feels heavy with sleep still, the remnants of a dream lingering on her mind as if she never left it. She doesn't move when Eugene shifts, barely even feels it when he tugs the thin blanket to cover her entirely, but then he tries to leave and her hand is weakly grabbing his before she can think about it.
Eugene chuckles, his hand moving to accommodate hers, and she opens her eyes to the best sight she can imagine: Eugene smiling, happy, his eyes shining in the sunlight. He looks content, and that's all she ever wanted, in the end - they're far from home, far from her family, and yet with him here, she's still home in all the ways that matter.
"Hey," Eugene says, gently pushing her hair behind her ear as he climbs back fully on the bed.
"Hey," she answers, and hopes it sounds less like an inaudible mumble and more like a real greeting.
Her eyes are still heavy with sleep, and Eugene playing delicately with hair doesn't help her wake up either. She's so warm and comfortable with him close to her, and, for a moment, she wishes to stay here forever. The pain and the sorrow, the heartaches brought by the moonstone and the difficult joy they still manage to harvest every day, all of that is banished for a beautiful second, until there's nothing left but Eugene, and his smile, and the sun.
"Don't leave," she whispers, and there's something here she doesn't dare voice, because she has learnt a long time ago not to ask for too much in life.
"I won't," Eugene laughs, but she hears it anyway, the subtle tell in his voice that shows he understands in a way. He knows her more than anyone, loves her more than anyone, and knows how to give her time when she needs it; knows how to support her in the meantime. His tone shifts as he keeps talking, a simple way out, and she loves him for it. "I didn’t wanna wake you up. You just looked so peaceful."
Peaceful. She isn't sure the word fits her anymore - it feels like she spends her days being worried, lately. And exhausted, too. She used to wake up so early, but as time passes, the mornings become harder and harder to face. She wonders if Eugene noticed too. Wonders if that's why he was so intent on letting her sleep.
"I'm not gonna be peaceful without you," she settles on, before finally stretching, taking this occasion to press her cold feet on his own to draw a playful yelp from the man she loves.
She listens to him complain and tries to ignore the ache in her bones, or the heaviness on her chest - she's tired, but she refuses to be. She can't be. They have so much to do, so much to face, and she won't allow herself to rest until she's sure her family is safe. She's not sure if she has a destiny anymore; not sure that she ever had one, to be honest, but if her life is devoid of any meaning, she'll create it herself. She watches Eugene lay down next to her again, watches his lips as he whispers that he loves her, feels his hand on her waist as he pulls her closer, and she knows, she knows she'll do anything to keep him safe. The universe has gotten enough of her, enough of her power and her health. She wants to be selfish, for once, but she's not sure if being selfish for Eugene's sake is being selfish at all.
"I love you," she whispers against his neck, against his lips, against his tongue until she can't say it anymore, can only show him again and again, hoping against hope that he won't hear the desperation hiding in her voice.
Terribly, she wishes for a little more time until she has to face the situation; a little more time until she has to tell Eugene, and watch him worry over her even though that's the last thing she wants. Rapunzel once prided herself in her honesty, but she has always been lying to herself, in a way - she wasn't honest with Gothel when she tried her best to please her. She wasn't honest with Pascal when she said she was happy in her tower. She hides and lies by omissions, but they're still lies in the end, and when she sees Eugene's bright eyes looking at her with so much love, she's hit by the fact that he trusts her so much, when she clearly doesn't deserve it.
She knows Eugene always puts himself down, always worries about hurting her because it's his nature to do so, but she's of the opinion that she's the true monster of this relationship. Behind her smile, she lies and lies and lies, because she can't even confess the truth to herself. She hurts others, too, but it's never an accident.
She puts her hand over the moonstone on Eugene's chest, and wonders if he realises that he wouldn't have been hurt if not because of her. Then, she remembers her friends, remembers Edmund -Eugene's dad- and remembers how she hurt him in her panic and her anger. She remembers Cassandra's arm, burnt because of her mistakes, remembers Quirin's expression, forever frozen in amber, remembers Gothel-
Remembers Gothel, screaming and gasping and crumbling, into dust and to the ground, taking away the memories of a mother that wasn't truly one, but that Rapunzel loved anyway.
Maybe Gothel is the reason why lying comes so easily to Rapunzel. Maybe Gothel is the reason why she keeps hurting people, despite trying her hardest not to.
Rapunzel hasn't been the same, since she saw her mother hold a bloody knife over the body of the man she loved, saying that it was all her fault. Pretending only got her so far.
"Oh, Sunshine, no." Eugene's voice softly breaks her out of her thoughts, his hand gently brushing the tears she didn't realise were falling. She looks at him feeling breathless, and she knows he won't let her kiss him in this state; but she wishes for the familiarity of his lips to sooth the thoughts burning her tongue to be let out.
She's tired. She has been for a long while, but her body is betraying her and she can't even tell the truth to Eugene. She can barely accept it herself, and has been refusing to dwell on it, but today she feels like she can't wake up, and she's worried that tomorrow, it won't stay a feeling. Adira's warnings about uniting the sundrop and the moonstone ring clear in her mind, as do those Eugene got from Edmund, and the stone on her chest feels heavier to carry - it's a poison she can't get rid of.
For the first time, Rapunzel thinks to herself I think I'm dying, and her throat feels so tight she's not sure she can breathe. Eugene is talking, whispering sweet nothings in the hope to calm her down, and she can't tell him, she knows she can't, and she hates herself for being too weak. She doesn't deserve him, and he's the only one who can't see it.
"Rapunzel," Eugene says, looking so worried it hurts, "talk to me?"
It's a question, because of course it is - Eugene always gives her a way out, never pressures her to talk before she's ready. She's grateful, but today she wishes he wasn't so thoughtful, because she knows already that she isn't strong enough not to take it.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, pressing her head against his shoulder, watching her tears trail down his collarbone. "I'm sorry," she says again, knowing that he doesn't fully understand just how much she has to be sorry for.
"It's okay," he answers, but it's not. She's crying in his arms, the sunlight on their skin, feeling warm and safe with him here but she doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve him. She can't tell the truth, to herself or to him, and she shouldn't be comforted for it, but she's too selfish to say no.
I think I'm dying, she repeats to herself, hugging Eugene tighter and feeling him do the same. Maybe tomorrow, I won't wake up. Maybe it would have been easier for her to take the entire moonstone, and die then and there. Maybe it would have been easier on Eugene too. But she doesn't want to die, and she doesn't want to hurt Eugene, and she hopes that somewhere, there's a way to do both of these things.
Eugene is humming something in a language she doesn't understand. His voice is low, somewhat rough, and it's the most beautiful thing she has ever heard. Her tears slow, her breathing too, and she feels his chest rumble against her.
She loves him. She hopes he knows that, though she doesn't feel he could ever understand quite how much she does.
The sun is high in the sky, now, and they're still tangled up in bed, close enough that she doesn't know where he begins and where she ends. She wishes life was as easy as loving Eugene is.
"I'm tired," Rapunzel says after a while, and it's not the truth, but it's a step towards it. Eugene hums, tightens his grip, and says "let's rest, then", as if it's that simple - and it is, in a way. She lets him hold her for just a little while longer, and knows that she'll have to stop hiding, one day.
Just a little while longer, she mouths on his skin, and hopes the promise is heard anyway.