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Beca had to admit, while she had spent the best years of her life with these girls, the once a year Bellas reunion could be the most awkward situation she willingly subjected herself too. Not just because for almost every other day of the year she was too caught up in her work to see them. She often managed to squeeze each girl in at some point to see them: lunch, coffee, the occasional dinner and drinks. No it was nothing to do with that. It was the fact she had to see her again.
Chloe Beale
The girl who had been on her mind almost every day since graduation. Her first real love. There had been an instant attraction between the two girls as soon as they laid eyes on each other at Barden’s activities fair in Beca’s freshman year. And while it had taken the younger girl a little longer to come to terms with the emotions, they were lucky to share the most loving four year relationship. They didn’t know it at the time, but their relationship had been doomed from the beginning. Beca shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. She did not need to be thinking about this right now, she was in a good place, she didn’t need to be thinking about what could of been.
“You look like you could use a glass.” Stacie’s voice hummed, coming up behind the smaller girl with a rather large looking glass of wine.
“What gave it away?”
“The way you’re staring at Chloe like she’s the only person in this room.”
Beca swallowed thickly at those words. It had been nearly five years. How could she still be holding on to the other. Chloe had moved on, the red head having had a girlfriend for at least three years. Beca was so out of touch she didn’t even know if they were still together. Without saying another word, Beca took the glass and took a long drink. She still hated wine, the way it burned her throat as it went down, or the bitter taste it left after but the taste kept her grounded. She knew to stop drinking if she started to enjoy it.
“I’m not. I’m not even looking at her. You have a nerve, you aren’t fixing your problem with Aubrey either.” Beca shot back, the two of them weren’t having much luck in their love lives.
“I am. She just doesn’t want to deal with it. But this conversation is for another time. Tonight is for you talking to Chloe. You can just avoid her every time we have one of these.”
Stacie was right and Beca knew it. However, Beca wasn’t sure the conversation would go the way she wanted it too.
Their whole relationship had been one or the other sacrificing something to keep the relationship alive. They were prisoners of love. Chloe failing classes purposely to stay with the Beca and the Bellas. Beca turning down internships that were too far from Chloe so they never had to do long distance. They wanted it to work so badly that they never even considered themselves. It wasn’t until Beca was offered a job in LA she couldn’t refuse that their relationship proved weaker than expected. They lasted a few months but it wasn’t meant to be. True love, wrong time. That’s what Beca had always said anyway.
“Beca, hey!” That familiar bubbly voice came ringing through her ears. It was now or never really.
“Chloe…” Beca greeted, smiling softly as she took in the other. She was still the same beautiful women she remembered her to be. Her hair a little longer than it used to be, her smile still as bright. Beca was sure she’d not quite managed to keep her looks through the five years. She definitely would have had a lot more stress lines thanks to her job. The brunette could feel her cheeks heating under the older woman’s gaze, she felt like she was back in college; all embarrassed and sheepish, not quite able to meet the other’s gaze. “It’s good to see you again.” She continued but it felt like the air was being forced out of her lungs as strong arms wrapped around her torso. Still a hugger. What surprised Beca, and Stacie who was watching the interaction from behind the breakfast bar in Aubrey’s kitchen, was how easily she returned the gesture.
It was like every little stress and worry just left her body. It was like the last five years hadn’t happened. Like they were the Beca and Chloe everyone knew. Like Beca had finally returned home.
Of course she couldn’t quite just say that out loud.
Chloe’s hold on her loosened, giving Beca a little wiggle room to escape yet she stayed. “You too. It’s been what? A year now. I tried calling a few months ago…I think I got your assistant or something?” Chloe explained, the disappointment evident in her tone.
It had been strange, Chloe and her girlfriend, well now ex-girlfriend, Jess had just had the fight to end all fights and their relationship too and all Chloe had wanted to do was run back to Beca. Get Beca to fix it all, to hold her. The red head hadn’t wanted to admit it, but Beca was the catalyst to the break up. She felt like she had been seeing the DJ everywhere lately and well Chloe was Chloe. She had held on to all those memories, all their good times and even the bad and it had made her think. Long and hard. She’d gone onto iTunes, bought all Beca’s music and maybe even started watching old Bellas rehearsal videos. She just could help herself. It all snowballed from there and before she knew it she was sleeping in Aubrey’s guest room while she looked for a place of her own. It wasn’t ideal but maybe it was for the best.
“Oh yeah, he sorta just like runs my phone while I work.” Beca explained, shrugging lightly. Her assistant David had been a God send since her schedule got busy but it gave her a chance to step back from the world; focus on herself and her creative process. “But I uh…well I guess…” Beca started, not surprised to find that Stacie and the rest of the girls had slipped out to leave them both alone. Of course they all did, they never understood why they broke up. Why it never worked out. “We could like plan something? I can be free whenever you are!” She said all too eagerly now she was aware Chloe had been wanting to see her.
It had always been a fear, that it had been left too long. That they would reach a point where neither wanted to see the other. Where everything was buried and forgotten. “And uh…how would the girlfriend…that damn gorgeous female…feel about you hanging out with your ex?”
“We broke up.”
“We huh?”
“Broke up. Done. Few months ago. About the time I called actually…”
“I really fucking miss you, Chlo.”
Beca hadn’t even registered the words before they were out in the open. She couldn’t take it back now. She’d heard them, Chloe heard them. Hell the Bellas outside probably heard her the way she had nearly shouted them at her ex. She should never have let Stacie distract her for even a second, she was bound to have crumbled; and she proved herself right.
“Bec…” Chloe started, both girls letting the nicknames just slip out but Beca cut her off.
“No, let me…this is pretty much all my fault. You tried to reach out to me and I all but cut you out and like, shit…I still don’t know how to deal with what happened with us. We almost ruined our lives for each other for fucks sake.” She sighed, “And we were young and I was pathetically in love with you to the point it was probably embarrassing and I didn’t know how to have you as a friend anymore. I could only have you as a girlfriend. And you moved on almost effortlessly from me and I’m still stumbling along, throwing myself into work cause, hell, still after five years I’m still pathetically in love with you and I…”
“When I looked at her, I only ever saw you…”
The words hit them both like a ton of bricks, sudden realisation hitting them both at once. Neither had moved on. Neither girl had ever fallen out of love with the other. They were both just running around in circles, doing whatever it took to avoid the other - assuming it was what was wanted. What Beca really needed was Chloe around to keep her grounded, keep her from disappearing exactly like she had done. Chloe needing Beca to keep grounded; stop her flying to close to the sun and ending up disappointed like she had many times since the split. Their walls seemed to be getting torn down in front of them and they could suddenly see.
“I don’t think I ever really wanted her, Bec. Aubrey kept trying to tell me she was just ‘a poor imitation of Little Miss Alternative’, her words not mine.” Chloe hummed, unable to stop the soft giggle that left her lips - causing Beca to beam unconsciously.
“I was not alternative. I still don’t get it…”
“Besides the point, Beca. You’re focusing on the wrong thing here.”
“The wrong thing here is I used to wear ‘the ear spike’.” Beca laughed, frowning at Chloe’s growing frustration. “Sorry.”
“Thank you. And if you have finished, I only have one other thing on my mind...” Chloe trailed off, walking Beca backwards with every word until the where pressed against the cold tile of the counter, soon after their lips met in a clumsy passionate kiss.
The gesture was about as clumsy and awkward as it had been the first time they’d ever kissed - all familiarity gone - but it felt just as good as it did the first time. Beca’s hands wandering to Chloe’s neck, trying to hold them both in place as they reacquainted themselves with each other. Beca was sure she could have held that kiss forever but Chloe was pulling away much too early for her liking, allowing her lips to chase the other’s until the were pressed together in a soft but final kiss. “What does this mean for us?” Beca questioned, not wanting to speak too loud incase this was a dream - wouldn’t have been the first time.
“I think it’s our time now, Becs.”
“Nothing’s in our way this time, Chlo.”