Work Text:
“This is Akagi Minori reporting live at the site of a tragic incident that occurred earlier today. A 33 year old male, now identified as Nakahara Hotaro, had taken a 7 year old girl hostage on top of this building shown behind me. Nakahara’s motive seems to be based around the fact that he was quirkless. Hero Deku was on scene trying to convince the man to safely release her. Nakahara became distressed and dropped the child, letting her plummet to the ground. Deku attempted to capture her and failed to do so, resulting in the little girl’s death. The story is still being investigated to find the true motive behind Nakahara’s actions. More at 5. This was Akagi Minori, NHK News.”
“Should we say something to him? He’s been playing that report over and over the past five days.” Uraraka whispered to Iida, who was sitting beside her. “He’s going to run himself into the ground with his own guilt.”
“Perhaps, but we need to be careful about how we discuss this. I’m sure he is probably still very upset about that little girl.”
The two acted as if Izuku couldn’t hear them talking. There was no point in stopping him. Even if they did, it wouldn’t help him from being swallowed by his own guilt. Bakugou of all people seemed worried about him, too.
If he was just a little faster, hadn’t let himself be distracted from how the man was reacting, maybe that girl would still be alive. But she wasn’t, because Izuku failed to do the one thing he was supposed to do.
If Izuku wasn’t able to save one little girl, how was he supposed to save everyone else? How would people be able to see him as the number one hero now, with his death on his name?
There’s no way he could live on with this child’s death on his shoulders. He would never forgive himself if he did.
Izuku stood up and walked to his room before his friends could have the chance to talk to him. Sitting down, he pulled out the blank notebook he had just bought for the next edition of hero notes. Too bad Izuku would never get the chance to use it properly.
The green haired teen sat and wrote his thoughts down, making four different letters. One for his class, letting them know that they would all make amazing heroes, and telling them they could use his notes on them to improve their quirks. One to All Might apologizing for not being good enough to become the number one hero. Izuku also made sure to include a strand of his hair so One for All could be passed onto a different successor, maybe Mirio. He would be a good choice.
Izuku also made one for his mom apologizing for the amount of pain that he has and will be putting her through. He had tried his best to be a good son for her, but it didn’t seem like he tried hard enough.
The last letter was for Bakugou. He wanted to make sure the blond knew he was forgiven for everything in the past. He also mentioned how he knew that Bakugou would make an excellent number one hero in his place.
The teen left the letters on his desk and left his dorm to walk up to the roof, not bothering to close the door behind him. It wouldn’t be likely that anyone would find the letters before he finished his plan anyways.
Not long after, Bakugou was on his way to drop off one of Tokoyami’s shirts that had gotten mixed in with his clothes. It was on his way back to his dorm that he realized Izuku had left his dorm room open.
He wouldn’t say he was exactly concerned about his childhood friend, but he wasn’t ignorant to how Izuku had been acting the past few days. So, maybe stopping inside for a quick check wouldn’t harm anyone. After all, the door was open.
The first thing Bakugou noticed when he walked in was that Izuku wasn’t there. The second thing was the notes on the desk, especially the one that said “KACCHAN” on the front. Briefly opening the letter and reading the first few sentences, his stomach dropped. There was no way that the nerd was going to kill himself, he literally had a fast pass to becoming the number one hero right after high school!
Sprinting out of the room, Bakugou darted towards the stairs that led to the roof.
“Deku what the fuck are you doing!?” He yelled as he slammed the door open. Izuku was standing on the ledge with his shoes sitting behind him. He turned to look and Bakugou was met with red eyes.
“Why do you care, Kacchan? I thought this was what you wanted? You’ll definitely be able to become the number one hero now.”
“No this isn’t what I want! I want to be able to beat you to become the number one hero! I can’t do that if you fucking die, dumbass!”
“ ‘ Take a swan dive off the roof and hope you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life!’ That’s what I remember you telling me about a year ago. I’m just taking your advice. Maybe in my next life, I’ll have a stronger quirk and I can save everyone. Nobody will have to die like that little girl. If I wasn’t strong enough to save her, then how could I ever expect myself to be the top hero? Goodbye Kacchan, maybe we’ll meet again soon?”
Before Bakugou could even respond, Izuku stepped off and fell. He tried to make it to the edge in time to catch him, but he wasn’t quick enough.
“IZUKU!” Bakugou shouted, half of his body hanging over the small wall. Time stood still. The only thing he could feel was his heart hammering in his chest. Then, he heard the screams, it was one of the girls but Bakugou couldn’t tell who it was. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked below. Blood slowly began to seep out from under the green haired teen. It was then he felt someone trying to pull him away from the sight by his collar.
Bakugou wasn’t able to sleep the next few nights, everytime he closed his eyes, he saw the image of Izuku lying on the ground under him, unmoving. The blond would shoot upwards and begin to breathe heavily.
He shut in on himself, no longer snapping at his friends. Just tended to sit in the common room, words refusing to leave his mouth. Growing concerned for his student, Aizawa sat down next to him on the couch.
“It wasn’t your fault, Bakugou. If you need someone to talk to, we can find a therapist for you, or you can come talk to me if that would be more comfortable.” Aizawa offered, moving his hand to rest on the teen’s shoulder. But before it could find purchase, Bakugou slapped it away.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t need help. I’m not some kind of pity case.” Bakugou spat and got up to retreat to his room.
Lying down on his bed, all of his missed sleep began to catch up with the hothead, and finally Bakugou fell into a deep slumber.
“Do you feel guilty?” A voice questioned.
“What?” Bakugou sat up, looking around. He was no longer in his bedroom. Did the League kidnap him again? That would be the last thing he would want to deal with right now.
“Do you feel guilty? It’s natural for someone in your situation to feel like that.” Bakugou turned his head, following the voice to be met with a child version of Izuku.
“What are you talking about, dumbass?” Bakugou snarled, eyes narrowing while he glared at the child.
Izuku stood and lifted his arm, pointing to the side.
Bakugou’s eyes followed the finger in the direction it was pointing to. They landed on an empty space. Before he could look back and shout at the child for not pointing at anything, a body slammed on the ground in that exact spot.
A green head of hair looked up at him. Izuku’s face was mangled from landing, almost beyond the point of recognition.
“The accident.”
Bakugou’s eyes shot open and he was back in his room, covered in sweat. He took short and quick breaths as his mind raced. Curling into a ball, sobs began to fill the room.
The next morning the blond decided to take a walk to try and get his mind away from the nightmare. But it kept going back to what he said to Izuku just last year.
Take a swan dive off the roof and hope you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life!
Bakugou was a good person, right? Despite all the things he’s said and done to Izuku in the past, is he still a good person? He never meant for Izuku to actually go kill himself. He made a mistake, he’s grown since then. Everyone keeps telling him that it wasn’t his fault. So why does he feel so guilty?
Looking up, Bakugou came face to face with All Might’s office door. He must have walked here unconsciously. If there was anyone he would feel comfortable talking to about Izuku, it would be him or Inko. And he was sure Inko wouldn’t want to see his face, considering it was his words that drove her son to suicide.
He lightly knocked on the wood of the door, and wrapped his arms around himself, waiting for an answer.
“Young Bakugou? What are you doing here?” All Might said quietly, as if to not scare off the obviously upset teen. The second those words came out, Bakugou lost all control. Tears began streaming down his face, along with the occasional hiccup. Quickly, the older man brought him into the office, so no one would see the poor boy’s breakdown. God knows he has enough on his plate right now.
“I’m still a good person, right All Might? Back in middle school I told him to dive off the roof and hope he’d get a quirk in his next life. I didn’t mean it though! I didn’t want him to die! Please, tell me that I’m still a good person! It’s my fault that Deku died, but does that mean I’m not good?”
“Bakugou, of course you’re still a good person. What happened was not a result of what you said. Being a hero is hard, and you will lose people, heroes and civilians. Even just being human is hard enough as it is. The three hardest things for people to say are “I love you”, “I was wrong”, and “I need help”. Heroes are always helping others, but most of the time there is no one to help them when they need it. Whether it be from a villain, or from themselves. What happened was not your fault, and will never be. Young Midoriya wouldn’t want you to hold yourself back like this. He would want you to push forward and be the best hero you can become.”
Days have passed since Bakugou’s conversation with All Might, but he still hates himself for what happened. Constantly replaying the scene of that day in his head, trying to figure what he could have said to make Izuku stay. He should have apologized. But he was too prideful, and now it was too late. Maybe if he evens the score, then Izuku would actually forgive him.
Pen meets paper as he follows in Izuku’s footsteps from weeks ago.
Whoever finds me,
I’m not sorry for doing this. It’s what I deserve right? It’s my fault that Izuku died, I gave him the idea. I never thought he would go through with it. I was a fucking idiot to have ever said that it him. Heroes save people, not cause them to die. Do you think he would still be here if I apologized to him? I never got to tell him how proud I was of him, either. He always surprised me with how strong he was becoming. I was never able to let him know that he never did anything wrong. It was my stupid ego that blinded me into thinking I was better than him. Can anyone ever forgive me because I killed Izuku? It was an accident, I swear I didn’t mean what I said. If I turn it on me, if I even it out, would he forgive me for what I said? I’m sorry Izuku. I never meant for this to happen to you.
After slipping the note and the antidepressants that he was recently prescribed into his pocket, he discreetly makes his way downstairs and into the common bathroom.
Locking the door, he sank to the ground. He still had about 60 or 70 doses left in the bottle, that should be enough to do the job, right? One by one he began swallowing the pills. He took his time because he deserved to suffer for as long as possible.
Bakugou wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he had shooed Kaminari away twice after knocking on the door. His head had begun hurting not long ago, and his vision began to blur a bit. His body was shaking but he wasn’t cold.
It was when Bakugou’s stomach began to churn violently that he decided to lie down on the cold tile. He could have sworn that he locked the door but it opened and saw two feet stop in front of his face. He almost vomited when he looked up and saw Izuku standing there, crying down at him.
“Kacchan, why did you do it? I already told you this wasn’t your fault. I had already forgiven you.” Izuku knelt down and laid a hand on Bakugou’s face, wiping the tears that began to fall. “Please you have to hold on, it’s not your time yet. You still have people who are waiting for you. You need to stay, Kacchan.”
Heart pumping and breathing heavily, he reached up to touch his lost friend just once more, but his hand passed through scarred skin.
“Bakugou has been in the bathroom forever! He needs to hurry up, I need to pee!” Kaminari complained to the redhead next to him. Bakugou had been in the bathroom going on for almost half an hour. “Can you try knocking? Maybe he’ll answer you Kirishima.”
“Dude, why don’t you just go to your dorm and use that one?” Kirishima asked, not really wanting to make the explosive blond angry.
“I won’t make it! That’s on the third floor! Please Kirishima? I’ll do your laundry for a week.”
Rolling his eyes, Kirishima stood and walked over to the bathroom door.
“Hey Baku-bro, you coming out of there any time soon?” The only response he got was muffled sobs. “Bakugou? Are you okay in there?”
“Izuku please, don’t leave me again!” Kirishima heard Bakugou yell out from the other side of the door, followed by a loud thud. He tried twisting the door handle and realized it was locked. “Bakugou, open the door! Mina, go get Aizawa!”
Hearing the distress in Kirishima’s voice, she bolted towards the teacher’s room from her spot on the kitchen counter. Kirishima began shoving himself against the door to try and open it, not wanting to use his quirk and possibly end up hurting Bakugou more in the process.
Aizawa came dashing around the corner with Mina in tow and pushed Kirishima out of the way to unlock the door. Pushing it open, the teacher saw Bakugou lying on the ground shaking with an empty bottle of pills by his hand.
Immediately kneeling down he felt for a pulse. The teen’s heart rate was skyrocketing, and his breathing was labored.
“Someone call an ambulance!” Aizawa shouted over his shoulder. It was a good thing he called Recovery Girl on his way, a feeling in his gut gave him an idea of what was waiting for him. She would be here soon, but Bakugou still needed to get out the pills he swallowed.
“I’m sorry about this.” Aizawa mumbled, before shoving two fingers down Bakugou’s throat to make him expel the pills.
The shaking slowly stopped after Recovery Girl arrived. Aizawa picked his student up, and carried him to meet the ambulance, knowing that Bakugou should still be checked on by a medical professional. He laid the blond down on the gurney and climbed inside the ambulance beside him. On the way to the hospital, Bakugou came to and began sobbing when he realized that he wasn’t successful.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He began yelling, “I’m useless, I wasn’t able to help him! I killed Izuku, it’s my fault that he’s dead!”
Aizawa grabbed his student’s hand and squeezed it. “You don’t need to apologize. There was no way that you knew what Midoriya was going to do, it’s not your fault.”
The rest of the ride was filled with muffled sobs and quiet reassurances.
“It’s been about ten years since you left, Izuku. You were right about me though. This is the fifth year that I’ve been named number one hero. Surprisingly, All Might insisted that I take One for All in your place after graduation. I never thought he would have offered me to have it. He said it was because you put so much trust into me. I knew that you would agree with him, so I took on your power. Things have slowly gotten better since you left. We were able to finally defeat the League last year. I even opened my own agency. Kirishima said that I’m only getting softer as the years go on, I blasted his ass across the room for that. I can’t really disagree with him since both Kota and Eri want to train under me next year. They both have gotten so strong and grown so much. I wish you were able to see them. ”
“If only I was able to reach you faster, then maybe you would have survived long enough to see them yourself. Everyone keeps telling me I have to let you go, but I can’t. At least not yet. I haven’t been able to make it up to you. I hope we can meet in the next life so I can fix everything. But until then, I’ll keep visiting you. I’ll see you next year, Izuku Midoriya.”
Bakugou laid down the bouquet of green hydrangea in front of the grave stone and walked away. Before he could reach his car, he felt the familiar touch of scarred hands on his shoulder.