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"I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart
In my heart I have but one desire
And that one is you
No other will do"
- The Ink Spots
The soft metallic creaking of the bed frame filled the night’s silence. The room was shrouded in darkness, just the soft glow of his burner laptop to fill his space. Tendou listened to the deep breathing above him, praying that his roommate would stay asleep. He held his breath, experimentally clicking a few keys, listening for any changes in his breathing pattern.
Tendou let out a short sigh of relief when nothing changed, and allowed himself to actually start typing away. He pulled up the latest plans for general attacks against the rebel forces. He chose plans that almost anyone in SHRZWA would be able to access, so that it couldn’t be tracked back to him.
He was continuously testing the waters, seeing what exactly he could get away with without the base going on high alert or lockdown. So far he’s been able to help rebels avoid six different attacks. He was in contact with the main leader, Daichi, to keep them as informed as possible.
“Bingo~” The document goes through, and he waits one minute for Daichi’s confirmation before he starts the process of wiping his traces. He’s not stupid, Tendou knows that if he’s ever caught, they will kill him. SHRZWA wasn’t known for being the kindest government, no they were corrupted beyond hell.
After earth turned into hell itself, SHRZWA rose up and effectively eliminated most of the other forms of government in Japan. They kept the country completely secluded, Tendou had no idea how the rest of the world was faring, or how much of it was left. It started with wildfires spreading throughout multiple countries. Then the floods hit. The final nails in the coffin was the global pandemic and food shortage. The population of the world sharply went down, as people started dropping like flies due to hunger and illness.
Of course, this was decades before Tendou had even been a thought. Morbid curiosity lead him to wonder if it would’ve just been better if he existed back then. He’d rather take his chance at the fucking apocalypse than to live in hell on earth.
Instead he was stuck with a power hungry government that did everything in its power to oppress others. From birth, he was put in a lottery to decide where he would end up. He was then dumped off to military camp as soon as he turned six.
Four years later he was an official soldier in the youths division. How shitty.
It was his job to either arrest or kill innocents who refused to cooperate with SHRZWA. He was also assigned as a guard, so he knew the base like the back of his hand.
SHRZWA was the bane of all sane people’s existence. Their saying, “Only the strong survive.”, failed to account for the fact that they chose exactly who was seen as strong. They placed heavy emphasis on physical traits such as exceptionally strong or tall individuals. They left others to die, or just outright killed them.
It happened a year ago. A small boy with bright orange hair and an infectious smile. The type of smile that radiated light in the darkness of their world. The president, Washijo, decided that he was a threat. He didn’t lower his rations or even kill him, instead he banished him, left to fend for his own and starve outside of the gates.
Tendou contacted the rebels for the first time the night that happened.
Suddenly feeling more exhausted than he’s ever been, he pressed the laptop into a hole in his mattress and went to sleep. It was better not to think about all the people he’s seen, it only served to make him more bitter and spiteful.
—
A heaping of flavorless mush was plopped onto his tray. The cherry on top was when the rock solid loaf of bread hit the tray with a solid thunk. Tendou refrained from cringing, but couldn’t help how his eyes crinkled with disgust. This food was supposed to keep them healthy and strong?
“Keep moving, we don’t have all damn day.” the server sneered at him.
“Yes, because everyone here is dying to have ambiguous grey slime number three.” he drawled, sending the server a dry smile before making his way to a table. He eventually settled with Semi, Shirabu, Reon, and Goshiki— his usual victims.
Shirabu immediately sighed when Tendou appeared. “Why do you insist on sitting here every day? Aren’t there new recruits you can go terrorize instead?”
“I’d hardly call making conversation with my friends terrorizing, but it’s okay Shira-chan. I know you’re a little socially challenged.” Tendou’s eyes close as he smiles with false cheer, waving his hands slightly for effect.
He swears he sees Shirabu turn four different shades of red before the other is rapidly cursing, ready to fling himself across the table. Reon looked towards the brown haired boy with thinned lips and a stern expression.
“Kenjirou. Do you want to be put on probation again?”
Aha! He thought. Caught by his bangs!
Shirabu settled down after that, choosing to ignore the rest of them for talking to Semi.
The rest of lunch went as usual. He antagonized Goshiki’s hair, gossiped with Reon, and let the other two have, whatever it is they have going on. White flashed in the corner of his eyes and turned his eyes to three guards making their way through the tables. Without hesitation, they yank a boy from his seat.
“You’re being terminated for betraying SHRZWA.” was the only explanation offered.
With a sick twist of his stomach, he noted that the person they were dragging away was his roommate .
The rest of the food on his tray sat untouched, Tendou being too busy trying to keep down the bile rising in his throat. Nobody in the cafeteria made a noise. They didn’t need to when the boy's terrified screams echoed from the walls, his body being dragged away with little care.
“Well,” Shirabu sighed, his bangs covering his eyes. “Fuck.”
The cafeteria went back to normal, as if nothing ever happened.
—
He was granted three days of solitude and freedom to commit federal crimes before he was introduced to his roommate. The guards shuffled into his dorm, a tall person shadowing them.
“Tendou, Ushijima.” the guard said, nodding at them for reference. “You should be able to handle each other. Go to night watch duty immediately.” the guard finished, quickly leaving the room.
They stood for a moment, sizing each other up. Tendou found that he couldn’t read the other’s face, it stayed perfectly blank without the slightest hint of anything other than cool indifference.
“Ushijima-chan, have a first name?”
“Wakatoshi. Please do not call me that.”
“Wakatoshi-kun then~ I’d say it’s a pleasure but is it ever? Tendou Satori.” he introduced. “Let’s head to the roof before we lose a week of the edible goop at lunch!”
“Is any of it edible?” Ushijima replied dryly. Despite himself and Ushijima’s deadpan, he laughed.
They got into full gear and headed towards the roof together. All they had to do was keep a watch on the entrance and spots near it for rebel activity. It was something all soldiers were assigned to do at least bi-weekly.
Tonight the sky was clear. Tendou sometimes found himself questioning if the world was really in ruins when there were sights so beautiful to see. It felt as if the galaxy had swallowed them up, shielding them from harm with billions of twinkling lights.
It left him breathless, wishing for another life. One where he could be happy, and live with no restraint.
One where he could just stay under the stars forever.
“It’s beautiful.” a whisper.
Tendou didn’t realize the tears in his eyes until he felt the heavy weight in his chest. He fished his brain for a reply, but just settled on mumbling “Yeah…”
He let his gaze linger on the view before fixing unfocused eyes straight ahead. “Wakatoshi-kun, who were you before this?” a despair he didn’t realize he possessed laced his voice.
He felt, rather than saw, the other’s hesitance. Ushijima shuffled awfully close to him. He didn’t find himself minding.
“Do you mean before I was assigned to room with you?”
“No, before you got into any of this. Before they decided that our lives ended when we turned six.” it was dangerous , saying this.
Every part of his mind screamed that Ushijima could easily report him for such blatant hate against SHRZWA. Washijo would have him eliminated in a heartbeat. Yet-
“I was happy, I think.” and if that wasn’t a sucker punch to the lungs, Tendou didn’t know what was.
“I lived with my mother, they only let my father have one child, so he was sent back to fight and she raised me. But… I remember my father spending time with me. Tossing and hitting balls back and forth in the yard. Laughing with him.” he reminisced.
Tendou chanced a glance over at the taller boy, taken aback by the softness in his features. The corners of his mouth were upturned in a slight smile.
Heaviness settled in his chest again and he tore his gaze away.
The rest of the night was spent in silence.
—
It became a ritual of sorts. Everytime they were assigned rooftop watch they’d sit under the stars, wishing for better lives. Then they’d go back to their dorm and Tendou would expose more government secrets to their ‘enemies’.
He didn’t expect to like Ushijima as much as he did or for them to become close. Reon gave a few sly comments about how they are practically inseparable. Tendou didn’t mind spending every waking moment with Ushijima.
Ushijima started to warm up to him bit by bit. Careful distance turned into brushed shoulders and knuckles. His face started to soften whenever he addressed Tendou, and then immediately went back to the default stoicism when others interjected. Tendou turned into Satori.
Tendou let himself wonder if they would have a chance in his life under the stars. Why would the world be so cruel to dangle Ushijima in front of him, knowing they could never be together? He wondered what his hand would feel like, clasped around his own. Or if his lips would be slightly chapped if they kissed.
He wondered if he could be happy with Ushijima .
—
One night on the rooftop he asked Ushijima to tell him something else about himself.
“I’m left handed, though you’ve probably already noticed. My mother wanted to correct it, but left it to be due to my father’s wishes.”
Tendou moved slowly, pressing the palm of his hand to Ushijima’s left hand. The other made no move to stop him, instead staring intently at his face.
“No corrections to be made Toshi-kun! It’s a perfect fit!”
It was the first time he’d seen the other truly smile.
“What is this, Satori?”
“...”
“Whatever you want it to be.”
—
He received the ping from Daichi that the rebels latest attack was set in motion. Tendou had given them more than enough information for them to infiltrate the base so that they could steal high tech weaponry. Now all he had to do was deliver a key to them.
He wasn’t worried about being caught, not tonight. Goshiki and his partner Kaganegawa were, bless their souls, not the most attentive night watchers. In the event that he did get caught, he knew he could probably sway them into silence. He just had to make it out and back without Ushijima or anyone else seeing him.
He crept his way out of the bed, and padded over towards the door. He listened for any signs of Ushijima being awake before he slid out of the door.
He knew his way to the drop off point like the back of his hand. The only light on this area of the base was moonlight, making his chances of being seen even slimmer. When he got there, there were only five people.
He recognizes Daichi easily enough. He stands protectively in front of the others. His face is stern but not unfriendly. On one side stood a woman with glossy black hair and glasses perched on top on her nose. The other, a pretty guy with gray hair and a mole.
The obvious muscle of the situation stood behind them, not that it mattered. He was easily the tallest of the group, but looked to be quite timid. He looked like someone Tendou would normally love to tease.
He felt his heart clench when his eyes landed on the shock of orange hair.
Oh, he thought. This was what Daichi meant when he said he had someone familiar with the inside.
“You’re alive.”
The boy met him with the brightest smile he thinks he’ll ever see in any lifetime.
“I am!” he let out in a whisper shout, bringing a fist to his chest. For once Tendou thought that maybe the world wasn’t completely fucked. It allowed the sun to survive after all.
“I have the key right here for you, Dai-chan.” he handed it over with zero hesitation. He had no doubts in his mind about what he was doing.
“Thank you Tendou. We can find the rest of our way from here, please make it back safely.” Daichi gave him a warm smile and Tendou longed to just say fuck it.
He longed to leave out of these walls with them, back to whatever hideout they stayed at.
He knew he couldn’t though, the job from the inside was just as important.
Most importantly, he could never leave without Wakatoshi.
With a nod, he turned back into the darkness and disappeared, praying that they wouldn’t get caught.
—
His last night on the rooftop with Ushijima found him shoulder to shoulder with the other. It was reminiscent of the first night they shared, but more intimate. Ushijima shifted to take Tendou in his arms, chest pressed to back.
“Why are you doing this Satori?” he didn’t need to clarify what ‘this’ meant. Tendou was well aware of the possibility that Ushijima would find him out.
“Because there is endless suffering for no reason other than greed and power. It’s just the right thing to do.” He turned his head to the other. He was met with a slow kiss, Ushijima held on to him like it was the end of the world. Again.
“I believe you Satori, how can I help?”
Tendou smiled against his lips. “How about we discuss that after this miracle, hm?”
He never got tired of hearing the other huff out a chuckle. “Miracle? Kissing you isn’t a miracle Satori, it is destiny.”
Ushijima’s lips were, in fact, not slightly chapped, but instead the softest thing he’s ever had the pleasure of feeling.
—
He didn’t make it to another night on the rooftop. Apparently it had been a newer recruit that sold him out, still impressionable enough to stick to the rules. He didn’t feel any hate toward the kid— barely eleven years old. Instead he felt himself burn with rage at SHRZWA. Bitterness left a nasty taste in his mouth. He hoped he went to hell so he could come back and give all of the fuckers involved grief.
He particularly wanted to haunt Washijo, and wanted to make him regret the day he was born.
He didn’t offer any screams or protests as he was dragged out of the cafeteria. Instead, he saw Shirabu screaming, cursing at them to let him go. He saw the tears in Goshiki’s eyes, threatening to spill over. The resignation plastered on Semi and Reon’s expressions.
Then he turned his head to Ushijima and felt the first pang of regret. Pure devastation was the only way to describe it. It was the most expression he’d ever seen on the other. Pain shined clear as a day in his eyes, and his posture stiffened as if he was debating to interfere.
Tendou gave him a look that he hoped conveyed his wishes for him to stay. Please continue to fight. Please don’t get caught.
He saw Ushijima’s lips move, and returned it with a bittersweet smile. He mouthed the words back.
Then he was fully out of the room. At some point he faced Washijo, who gave some shitty speech about why he was going to be killed. The satisfaction he felt when he spat in his face was well worth the punch.
Who cares? It’s over now anyways.
As the end came near he prayed that the rebels would win.
He prayed that Ushijima would follow his instructions on how to carry on. The ones he gave to him after they’d kissed beneath the stars.
Pain filled every single crevice of his body, his senses screaming at him that something was wrong. Despite the pain, that bittersweet smile never left his face. He thought back to the last words he’d ever exchange.
I love you
I love you too
He let darkness consume him for the last time, swearing he could see those stars.