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"Promise you won't get mad," Tubbo mumbles.
Tommy rolls his eyes. "Tubbo, you just used a nuclear weapon to break me out of a maximum security prison and save me from my abuser. What could I possibly get mad at you for."
Tubbo takes a breath, and doesn't turn around to look at Tommy while he talks, voice still small.
"You know how I make impulsive decisions when I'm stressed out?"
"Yeah..." Tommy drawls, apprehensive.
"I- well, I think... I think I... Married... Ranboo?"
Tommy short circuits.
What?
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Tubbo breaks Tommy out of prison with a nuke and then introduces him to his husband and son.
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" "Since when did you become a dad, Ranboo?" Phil expects Ranboo to laugh along with him, to tell a silly anecdote about how he got the shirt and invite him inside for coffee. Instead, Ranboo stiffens, and the color drains from his face, looking like a deer in the headlights. Phil swallows. Oh.."
" "I hate to ask, Ranboo, but as long as we're having a talk... Are there any other hidden family members you need to tell me about?"
Once again, it was meant to be a joke. Phil has really got to stop joking arund Ranboo.
Ranboo slaps a hand to his forehead. "Oh my god, Michael!""Techno raises an eyebrow. "Really. Where are you staying nowadays, then?"
"Tommy and I found a-"
Suddenly, Tommy elbows him hard in the side.
"Ow!"
Tommy glares at him.
Tubbo stares blankly back.
Tommy frowns, glances at Techno.
Tubbo knits his brows, confused.
Tommy rolls his eyes.
He drops Tubbo's hand, and makes a big show of picking up his fork and dropping it on the ground with a loud clatter.
"Oh, no," Tommy shouts, stilted and robotic, over-enunciating his words, "I have dropped my fork. Let me crawl under this dining table to retrieve it."
And with that, Tommy yanks Tubbo under the table.
"What are you doing!?" hisses Tommy, "Why would you ever tell Technoblade where we live!?"
"I dunno, to get him off my back? I don't want to get divorced."
"Tubbo, I feel like there may be a bit of a middle ground between getting divorced and giving Technoblade enough information to come and kill us while we sleep."
"Well, it's not like I gave him coordinates, Tommy - do you have any idea how many flower field biomes there are?"
"Actually, they're one of the rarest, thank you very-"
Tommy is interrupted by the scraping of a chair as Ranboo stands up from the tabl
"Oh, no," Tubbo is able to hear Ranboo say, just as unenthused and robotic as Tommy had been. "I dropped my- ugh, my... My wallet? I don't- this is stupid-"
Suddenly, Ranboo is under the table with them.
"What is wrong with you two," Ranboo whisper screams.
"Ranboo," Tommy rolls his eyes, "we are trying to have a private conversation, please."
Ranboo looks a bit pissed at them, if Tubbo is being honest. "They can hear everything you two are saying! You're not in another room, you're under a table talking at full volume!"
Tommy groans. "What- how can- well, why didn't you tell us that before, then, Ranboo?"
Tubbo has never seen Ranboo look more like he's about to strangle someone."What- how can- well, why didn't you tell us that, then, Ranboo?" Techno can hear Tommy say from under the table, barely muffled at all.
Phil shoots him a look. "Oh no," Phil mocks, "I've dropped my spaghetti, I better go and check on it." With that, he stands and leaves.
Technoblade sighs, leaning his face on his fist as the three children under his table continue to argue. Why couldn't Ranboo have married Purpled, or, hell, even Tommy would've been better - more annoying, sure, but at least the kid didn't have nukes."" "It's a special occasion," he'd told them. "Ranboo somehow cracked through all twelve layers of Techno's stubbornness." Tubbo had started rambling about Michael, and Techno had explained a few aspects of piglin culture.
Eventually, Phil began sharing Wilbur's baby stories, to the delight of absolutely everyone.""As Tommy hands Michael some knitting needles so Michael feels like he's helping, Ranboo flips through his dictionary to translate.
Wait... No, that can't be right.
He checks again.
How... How would Michael even learn that? Sure, he picked things up fast, but who had he been around that spoke piglin other than...
From where he's seated next to Tubbo, Technoblade had gone suspiciously quiet.
"Techno," Ranboo says, slowly looking up from his dictionary, "what sorts of things did you say when I left to go and find Tubbo?"
The tips of Techno's ears turn red. "I didn't think he'd pick it up."
"What?" Asks Tubbo. "What's he saying?
Ranboo takes a breath. "I... I think Techno taught him to say fuck."
"Fuck," Michael parrots in piglin. And then, making the connection, in common as well. "Fuck!"" -
Bookmark Notes:
Some bombshells are dropped and it ain't Tubbo's nukes. Mmm hard hitting angst. Dinner so tense and awkward everyone gotta pull a "whoops dropped my fork" maneuver.
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Words 20,000-50,000
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aw :)
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